In this chapter, Rumple tries to face a choice while back in New York, things look up for Robin and his family.

Note: I'd just like to put it out there that for me nightmares rarely make any sense or logic and that it comes from our fears and the following is written based on the what the author thinks is our character's fear.

Chapter 8

She stood there, his dagger in her hand, raised to command him.

"Please Belle, no…"

But she did. She commanded him...he had trusted her to keep the dagger, but he had lied to her. His whole proposal was a lie. She had every right to be mad, but not this...she needed to learn the truth. He would never choose the dagger over her, never. She needed to learn that, but she wouldn't let him explain.

"You will always ruin things, Rumplestiltskin. And the only way for everyone to be safe is with your death."

"Belle, no" he pleaded as he slowly inched towards the town line. "I can only be killed with the dagger and once someone does that they-"

"Then maybe you can be commanded to kill yourself."

No, he turned to study her. She was wearing Belle's face but none of this seemed right. Belle would never do this, she would never-

But you lied to her, she has finally seen the beast. She has given up on the man that was never there to begin with.

"You will grasp this dagger just as I stab your heart with it, making you the last person holding the blade...ending this curse once and for all."

"Belle, no!" he shouted just the blade pierced his chest and pained erupted throughout his body! "BELLE!"

"RUM!"

Rumple's eyes shot open to be met by Clara's concerned ones. He was breathing heavily, his night shirt drenched in sweat...

"Are you ok?" asked Clara, running a damp cloth over his still sweating brow. "Nightmare?"

Rumple sighed as he nodded and tried to will his heart rate to return to normal. Clara handed him a new shirt before patting his arm. "I'll go make us some tea and no you're not a burden and I worry. So meet me in the console room, ok?"

Rumple could only nod. No use in arguing with Clara when she was like this, decisive and determined. When Clara left his room, Rumple sighed and covered his face in his hands. Of all the crazy things he could dream about...he knew nightmares weren't rational but it still felt real to him.

He sighed again and changed his shirt and tried to make himself a little presentable, his short hair barely needing a brush to stop it from sticking out in all directions before heading out to meet Clara. Hopefully the Doctor wasn't alerted of his nightmare, he didn't want to worry the Time Lord or make the alien do something rash.

When he got to the console room though, Clara was nowhere to be seen but the Doctor sat in one of the steps leading up to the higher levels, tinkering with what looked to be a tape recorded for some reason.

"Do I even want to ask what that is?" began Rumple as he stood opposite the Doctor, leaning back on the TARDIS console.

"Well it's what my previous incarnation has called a 'Timey-wimey' device," replied the Doctor as he screwed one last thing before looking up to meet his eyes. 'Don't worry, I wasn't asleep."

"Do you even sleep?" asked Rumple with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Clara has pointed out that even if I don't need it, sleep was always relaxing." admitted the Doctor just as the woman they were talking about entered the console room with a tray of tea and some biscuits.

"Never knew the TARDIS was stocked," said Rumple as Clara handed him a cup of tea. "Are those real or alien or edible even?"

"I'm going to say this is the nightmare talking and not hold your crankiness against you," said Clara with a look that basically told Rumple to not mess with her.

Rumple drank his tea in silence and when he was calmer he looked up at her and offered an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry-"

"I understand," began Clara, a smile of her own. "You don't need to explain."

Clara had called the Doctor back when Rumple had found out that it was Belle who had emailed him, asking for help with translating what Rumple has discovered to be a spell that would free the fairies out of the hat.

The Doctor had insisted on another trip aboard the TARDIS but also insisted they rest first after their just concluded adventure and so Rumple and Clara were ushered into their bedrooms aboard the TARDIS.

But rest eluded Rumplestiltskin as his mind composed irrational and heart racing nightmares from his own fears and failures.

"She commanded me to kill myself...or something to that effect," whispered Rumple, not meeting their gaze. He knew that he needed to tell someone, to talk to someone about it and he couldn't ask for two better people to open up to than them.

Clara has faced so many things already, lost so much and yet here she was still. Fighting, living, never giving up. She was truly the impossible girl.

And the Doctor...well the Doctor was more of a father to him than his own. And if anyone would understand what it's like to have lived after so many years of hardships, it was him.

"What do you mean?' asked Clara.

"She was going to stab me with the dagger but just as my life slipped away…" began Rumple, choking slightly on the words as though just saying them outloud, the act was being done. "I'd take the hilt of the dagger, making me the last person holding it and the curse wouldn't pass on."

"I don't think that will work-"

"Does it matter?" asked Rumple, his voice low and barely above a whisper but it cut through whatever Clara was going to say. I think they were all leading good lives when I was dead-"

"Stop right there Rumplestiltskin," came Clara's command and Rumple found himself wide-eyed at the tone of her voice. She's never shouted at him like that before and quite frankly, it was terrifying. He turned to the Doctor whose expression basically said to do as he was told.

"Clara-"

Clara handed the Doctor her tea cup and immediately walked to stand right in front of Rumple, taking his hands in hers. "The world is not a better place without you in it. Don't ever think that."

Rumple could only stare at her in surprise...was it really? All the time he's been thinking that maybe if he had only stayed dead...if he was never brought back...wouldn't things be better? Bae would still be alive, Henry would still have his father-

"I think your son would agree with Clara," pointed out the Doctor as he placed the cups back on the tray and stood by Clara's side. "Those people back in that town may think so, but everyone is entitle to an opinion, however idiotic it may be."

Rumple turned from one friend's face to another...surely they wouldn't miss him if he would just disappear. Nobody has ever cared about him, nor have loved him like that except maybe Bae. His own parents had abandoned him-

But the two ladies had loved him. The Doctor, who kept showing up in his life, also cared about him and he was still here. He was back in his life, giving him some sense of purpose again after he had lost what drove his life for centuries.

"I think you two are rested enough," spoke the Doctor suddenly, circling the console and typed a few commands, pushing down the lever when he finished. "I know just the place to have a bit of an R&R."

"Since when do you say R&R?" teased Clara, walking over to see where they were headed.

"Since I started reading about stress from companions," replied the Doctor cheekily and turned to Rumple with a teasing smile. "And stress from bosses."

It had the desire effect and Rumple chuckled, making Clara turn and glare at him. "I'm not bossy."

"Yes, ma'am," chorused the Doctor and Rumple and two centuries old men smiled at her, making Clara roll her eyes.

"Impossible, the pair of you."

Rumple never thought he'd find a peaceful place ever again. Most of them were taken by Dukes and Royals back in the Enchanted Forest while those in the Land Without Magic were always used as a means to built new buildings or establishments on.

But this place was different, it was so peaceful that it felt like their presence alone was desecrating the place.

"The Eye of the Orion," announced the Doctor as he and Clara stepped out of the TARDIS. "The most tranquil place in the whole universe."

"This place is remarkable," whispered Rum as he started walking around. He didn't know what it was about the planet, was it a planet?, but it had the calming effect that the Doctor must have known would do to him. Was it because the place had magic? Rumple reached out and was only met with a calming energy that seemed to have wrapped around him like a warm hug.

"The atmosphere is filled to the brim with positive ions," explained the Doctor as he watched Rumple take in the scenery. "It's why people come here to have a calming and relaxing experience." He paused and turned to them with a cheeky grin. "And no it's not magic. See positive energy. There's an explanation to everything."

Rumple and Clara rolled their eyes. Trust the Doctor to bring that up at any given time he can but the gesture was in good heart and they still smiled at his attempt to get them to believe that magic is basically science.

"It's like Earth after a rough storm," observed Clara, looking over the field to find grasslands and trees. "Not like that's a bad thing."

"You're the second companion to have said that," replied the Doctor, walking over to stand beside her. "But I do agree with the comparison."

"Does anyone live here?" asked Rumple, looking around as well and his eyes landed on some ruins of what appeared to be a stonehouse, or was it part of a castle of some sort because it looked to be the outer walls of one.

"None, and tourists are scarce because of what the planet can only offer," answered the Doctor. "A quiet place to stop by and relax and nothing else but positive feelings.

"What aliens don't like beautiful sceneries and quiet locations?" asked Clara.

"They prefer drinking and darts, yes," replied the Doctor and Rumple laughed. "So you two can walk around without any threat of danger, while I try to tune up the TARDIS."

"Doctor," began Rumple as the other man had opened the police box. "Thank you."

"It's no problem, Rumplestiltskin," replied the Doctor with a smile. "Besides, all of us could use a breather."

Rumple and Clara watched his disappear and they both turned to the ruins. "Fancy a bit of pretending to be an archeologist then?"

"Technically I am that with all the text I've translated," began Rumple and they both froze, that was exactly what they were trying not to think about.

Clara quickly cleared her throat. "Bad idea, I'm going to get a book from inside and we could stay there while he tries and fails not to blow the TARDIS. Deal?"

Rumple turned to her and raised an eyebrow. "You know I can't resist a deal, dearie."

"I told you never to call me that," said Clara with a smile. She looped her arm to his and they headed inside, wondering if they should make a bet about what the Doctor could and could not do while they were in the planet.

Marian had said that she wanted to find something to that she could do besides stay with Roland at their place of residence.

Robin had argued that only one of them needed to find a paying job while the other needed to stay with Roland but Marian had said that she heard heard there were jobs that could be done at home. Maybe she could try her luck with those and so Robin had let her roam around New York.

It wasn't as if he didn't understand her need to leave the cramped rooms they had. He knew the feeling himself of wanting to be out and about and not stuck in the same room over and over again.

It felt like being a caged animal and Robin didn't like that one bit. But he needed to survive, they needed to survive. The Enchanted Forest was not an option and neither was staying in Storybrooke which was why they left in the first place.

They needed to get used to this new world and Robin was a little taken aback by the fact that his wife seemed to have adapted better and faster than he did. He was supposed to be the one that would provide for his family, not her. She had just came back from the dead, even if it did not feel like it for her. She should be resting and not worrying about their lives.

But there she was, venturing out in an unknown world and she seemed to be alright when she returned later that day with a bag of food that just needed some hot water to make.

"How did you get these?" asked Robin as Marian emptied the contents of the brown paper bag she had.

"I manage to find work with this little thing," she held out the phone that he had given her. Regina had provided him with two, for both of them to have since they were heading to New York. "They needed some advice with work around the house and care giving that I could provide them and they would pay me."

"That's work here?" asked Robin, in disbelief as he looked at what seemed to be a big paper cup that displayed some sort of food with noodles and vegetables.

"Apparently," replied Marian with a smile. "They told me to just pour hot water on that, wait a couple of minutes and it'll be dinner."

"I'll get on it then," said Robin. "Why don't you rest for a while? You've had an eventful day, I can imagine."

Marian smiled and hugged him, her touch starved tendencies coming in full swing but Robin didn't mind. Marian had found them food for the next few days, she had provided for them. The least he could do was hug his wife more often.

"I'll just wash up," began Marian as she headed to the bathroom. She saw Roland was still asleep on the bed she and Robin shared. Looking back at the man busy in the kitchen, Marian quickly went to the bathroom and took out her phone.

She waited patiently but the person on the other end had answered at the first ring. "Have you found her?"

"Yes," replied the female voice on the other end. "But I'm going to need you there to convince her. Cruella was never the easiest person to persuade."

"Oh I'm sure she'd be willing to hear what I have to offer," began Maria, a wicked smile on her face. "I persuaded you didn't I?"

"You better deliver," replied the other woman. "Or else you'll get first hand experience why we're called the Queens of Darkness."

"In my experience," began Marian. "Being dark is nothing compared to being wicked."

Clara had decided to read near the ruins they had seen while Rumple had found an empty sketchbook and an extra pencil.

Clara tried not to be curious at what he was going to do, or to even peek at the sketchpad in his hand. He kept quiet and had gone through a few pages already, judging by the finished work he stacked beside him.

Clara imagined him sketching what was right in front of him. Rumple had showed her a sketch of Baelfire when they had first met back in the Dark Castle. He was a gifted man, truly. Smart, creative...and yet he still believed he wasn't good enough or he was a complete waste of a human being.

The thought made her sick, knowing full well who was responsible for that mindset of Rumple's. The Doctor had told her in passing about Rum's father and when she and Rum had watched Peter Pan, Clara got a feel of what Rumple truly felt about his father and she made a conclusion of her own. That man didn't deserve a son like Rumple just like those people in Storybrooke didn't deserve him.

"Clara...you've been staring at me for a good few minutes now."

Clara was startled from her thoughts and found Rumple giving her an amused smile. "Sorry, was just thinking."

"I figured as much," replied Rumple as he got up and sat next to her, bringing along all the things he had drawn. "What do you think?"

He showed her the sketch of the view right in front of them and it looked as though it was photographed. The details were exactly the same except for the lack of color. "Maybe there's some paint or pastel inside the TARDIS, I won't get the color perfect though but maybe give it some life."

"It's already gorgeous Rum," voiced out Clara, amazed at the drawings in front of her. But then her eyes landed on a drawing of a castle, and she turned to survey the area. There was no structure like that anywhere in sight. "What's this?"

"I'm a little offended that you don't remember," began Rumple with a soft chuckle. "But the Doctor did materialize in the main hall of the castle already so you wouldn't have recognized it."

"That's your castle?" asked Clara in wonder. "I never thought it was that big!"

"Well you weren't able to explore it given your illness," pointed out Rumple. "And when you were up and about, I had a deal to finish."

"It's beautiful," began Clara, looking over the tiny details that Rumple had put in the sketch. "Maybe we could go there some time."

"I wouldn't recommend it," began Rumple with a sad smile. "From what Bae told me, some bandits had already taken over the castle. They were seeking shelter from Ogres and the witch but they weren't able to get any of my possessions since they are protected by magic. I bet the place is filthy."

"Is that the only reason why?" asked Clara, concerned at the low tone of his voice.

"Well, I'm not sure how my curse will react to being back in the Enchanted Forest," admitted Rumple. "I also prefer not to be a glittering, scaly human like crocodile in a suit to be honest."

Clara laughed and nudged him with her shoulder. "You actually looked like a rockstar the first time I met you, Rum."

Rumple winced but smiled when Clara continued to laugh. "All that leather didn't help argue the fact."

"Well leather was the trend back in the Enchanted Forest," said Rumple. "Though I would sometimes prefer a wool or cotton tunic over all the leather."

Clara continued to look over the drawings. She recognized the boy he had sketched as Baelfire, being almost the exact copy of what Rumple had shown her before. There was another drawing of the boy but this time with an older man who resembled the boy greatly. "Who's this?"

"Bae and Henry," pointed Rumple and what Clara had thought to be Bae was actually Bae's son.

"You did this out of memory?" asked Clara, amazed. "Henry does look like his father." She squinted a bit. "And Bae reminds me of you, especially the eyes."

"With some color and you'll definitely see the familial connection," pointed out Rumple and Clara nodded as she turned to the last sketch and she was astounded at what she saw. The last sketch was of a woman with long hair and wearing a beautiful gown meant for a princess, her smile was soft and warm and she was holding what Clara remembered as the cup being displayed back in Rumple's castle which was weird because it had a very noticeable chip on its rim.

"This is Belle isn't it?" asked Clara looking up and meeting Rumple's sad expression.

"Aye," replied Rumple, his accent more evident as he fought to keep his emotions in check. "I couldn't stop thinking about her. I guess the mere thought of her still gives me a calm and peaceful feeling...she could always make me feel better just by a hand on my arm...or a smile my way."

Rumple sighed sadly and Clara gently placed the drawings beside her and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him from the side.

"I don't know what do Clara," whispered Rumple as he brought a hand to covers her arm that wrapped around his middle. "Should I tell her the truth? Should I just ignore the email and tell Brian to I have no idea what the text is? Should I just reply and tell her how I feel, how she had hurt me? I don't-"

"Rumplestiltskin," began Clara, releasing him as one hand went to wipe away the tears that had already started falling again. "You don't have to decide on anything just yet. Take all the time you need."

"But I'm running away from it, Clara," argued Rumple, his voice soft and defeated. "I'm running away from it because until now I am still that man...a coward."

"You're not being a coward Rum," argued Clara. "You're being smart and taking the time to think about what you're going to do next."

A loud pop disturbed the silence of the place and the two chuckled as they turned to see light smoke coming from the TARDIS.

"Damn," began Clara as she looked at her watch. "Another hour and I was tenner richer."

Rumple smiled as they headed back to the TARDIS where most of the smoke had already been ventilated while the Doctor was swatting away at the remainder of the smoke in the console room.

"Nothing to worry about," he called out as he went back to look under the console. "Just a few sparks here and there...all fixed."

Both Rumple and Clara looked at him incredulously and the Doctor just shrugged. "There's food in the kitchen-"

"Cooked and edible?" asked Clara, hopeful.

"I find your lack of belief in my culinary abilities, insulting," said the Doctor. "But yes to both. Cooked and edible to alien, human and fairy tale character alike."

Rumple groaned. "Will that ever get old?"

"She hasn't stopped with the alien and even the bowtie and fez of the previous incarnation," the Doctor pointed to Clara. "You being depicted as a little man will never get old."

Clara's laugh could be heard even after she had already left for the kitchen, leaving the two centuries old men by themselves.

"I take it that the planet wasn't much help," began the Doctor as he tinkered with the devices on the console.

"No, it was," replied Rumple, leaning on the railing. "As you mentioned, I needed the breather...I needed to really stop for a second and just think things over."

"From my experience," began the Doctor. "That just gives you more questions than answers."

Rumple sighed, it was true for him today as well. "I just...I don't know what to do."

The Doctor nodded as he moved to stand next to him. "Remember, what I told you before when you were up and about after falling in the forest of Maine?"

"That I don't know if I want something until i give it a try?" asked Rumple slightly confused at how that was going to help him right now.

"That you don't have to do anything right now," clarified the Doctor.

Rumple sighed. That was exactly what Clara had told him and he just felt like he was running away from his problems by not thinking of a solution to it right at that moment. His dilemma must have shown on his face because the Doctor continued.

"Has Clara mentioned that we encountered the Master recently? Well he is a she now so she goes by 'Missy' these days," continued the Doctor. "Anyway, long story short she made me realize that I'm not a good man nor a bad man. I'm not a hero. I'm just a man with a box and a screwdriver...passing through, helping when I can…learning."

He paused to let his words sink in as he looked at the TARDIS console. "I've been going through planet after planet, face after face...but each and every time, each and every adventure, I learn something. Some lessons are learned faster than others, some take 900 years before you realize or accept the lesson right in front of you."

Rumple looked to him in surprise. "900 years?"

"Planet called Trenzalore, long story for another time," said the Doctor with a sad smile. "Got a new face for my troubles." He was rewarded with a small smile from the other man. "Don't think you're a coward for not knowing what to do right this instant, Rumple. Take your time. Whatever you decide, we'll support you."

The Doctor patted him on the back and made his way out the TARDIS console room, leaving Rumple to his own thoughts.