Ianto didn't know what to do. He wanted to believe in the alien's words but he knew he shouldn't do that, ever. But it seemed so honest, and it hadn't said anything to Jack when he had asked it questions. It hadn't mentioned the artefact, or Ianto offering to consider sparing its life, it had even begged that Ianto be kept out of the interrogation room because he scared it. Jack had eventually thanked Ianto because the alien talked a lot, and Jack thought it was thanks to Ianto.

Ianto was confused, but he wanted to believe in it.

The prospect of becoming immortal wasn't even that much of a problem for Ianto. Of course, he knew it wasn't happy or an easy burden to carry on one's shoulders, but Jack had already carried it for so long, and he deserved to have a normal death, one day.

Ianto had progressively grown fond of Jack until he had realised it was love and especially that it was already too late. He knew he was one of many, he didn't kid himself he was special or anything more to Jack than a convenient shag and maybe someone he loved for a short period of time. He knew that as soon as he'd be gone – that is to say, dead – it would take Jack no time before bouncing back, and finding another lover. He didn't mind that because he couldn't possibly ask Jack to never love someone new just because he, Ianto Jones, had fallen hard for him.

Still, it didn't mean that Ianto was okay with being just some Welsh boy from the early 21st century that had let Jack fuck him and had fucked Jack for a certain time, at some point. He wanted to be more, deep down, he wanted Jack to remember him, because one of his biggest fear in life was to leave without leaving a mark behind. He didn't want the world to know how many times he – the Torchwood team – had saved it, but he wanted Jack to remember him, at least sometimes. He knew he wasn't and would never be, but sometimes, he wanted to be special for Jack. And it hurt so much.

Taking his greatest burden was something he was ready to do, because he had stupidly fallen in love with Jack and would do anything for him. He was willing to sacrifice his sanity on the long-term if that meant that Jack didn't have to endure losing as many lovers as he had already lost.

Ianto didn't want to die in Jack's arms, he didn't want to break his heart because even if Jack would probably never say it, he sometimes showed that he cared for Ianto. That he loved him. At least Ianto hoped it was that, and even if he didn't want to give himself more place than he actually had in Jack's heart, he knew that the day he'd die, it would hurt Jack.

He spent days resolving the puzzle of the artefact. It seemed to respond only to him, now. The alien had been thrown in a cell – with Torchwood usual care – and Ianto had asked it, one night – when everyone was gone and Jack sleeping after a good session of sex, which meant he wouldn't wake up for at least three hours – how the artefact worked. The alien had told him it read minds and knew what one wanted more than anything. It decided if it was worthy enough and just how much the being holding it wanted that thing. The alien had never seen it working and said it was just a legend. But it comforted Ianto in his decision. Maybe what he was doing was a good thing. He certainly hoped it was because, if he turned out to be wrong he'd have fucked up pretty hard.

Tosh's soft knocking made him lose track of his thoughts and he looked up with a quiet noise of acknowledgement and questioning. Tosh smiled sweetly and walked closer to put a hand on his arm.

"When you try to fumble with my programs, make sure you cover what you do," she whispered, and Ianto frowned.

"But I really deleted the tape where Jack and I were..." Ianto trailed off. "Wait, what are you talking about?"

"... Obviously not the same thing," Tosh laughed. "But I know what you're doing and thinking about."

"What?" Ianto asked, confused. What did Tosh know?

"B22102006," Tosh breathed out. "I heard the whole conversation. I thought you wouldn't believe it but then I checked and couldn't find the artefact. Ianto, what the hell are you doing?"

Ianto froze and looked away. "I'm..." he started but sighed.

"Cut it Ianto," Tosh almost snapped and Ianto frowned. "I understand why you would try but I heard the whole conversation. Ianto, you can't take Jack's immortality."

"Why not?"

"Because you... because... I don't know."

"Exactly," Ianto shrugged. "There are no reasons I don't."

"What does Jack think?" Tosh sighed. "I can't believe he agreed..."

"He didn't," Ianto shook his head. "I haven't told him."

"Wh- What?! Ianto, you can't do that on your own! It involves Jack and-"

"And Jack would never be okay with this," Ianto cut her. "That's why I don't tell him."

"Ianto! That's not like you, you can't blindly trust an alien artefact. And why? Why would you take Jack's burden? Why would you..."

"Because he's suffering, and I can't just stand and watch until the day I die," Ianto admitted in barely a whisper.

"I know," Toshiko sighed. She was trying to keep a sweet voice but Ianto could hear her worry. "I know he suffers and would be better if he had a chance to live a normal life and die a normal death. But it's Jack, he knows it now, and you don't... you don't- you can't know how you will react. What will you do once Jack's dead? Why would you inverse this?"

"Because I love him!" Ianto exclaimed to stop the questions.

Admitting it to himself was a long way from admitting it aloud to someone and Ianto felt his heart breaking at how honest his words were. It hurt. It hurt so much to be in love with a man so used to protecting himself by taking his distance in love.

"Oh, Ianto..." Tosh whispered. Ianto shook his head and wiped the tears forming in his eyes. "You're really deep..."

"I know I shouldn't but..."

"No, you deserve it. And he deserves it but... you have to talk about this," Tosh said, putting a comforting hand on Ianto's arm.

"No," Ianto shook his head again. "I know he would never agree. Tosh, I can save him. Wouldn't you do the same?" Ianto asked, almost begging her to agree with him, to tell him it was normal.

"Maybe," she nodded. "But you're smarter than this. The prize is too high."

"I don't care," Ianto sighed, realising he really didn't. If it meant saving Jack from his torments, he was willing to sacrifice everything.

Tosh stayed silent for a moment then sighed, "I swear, you two are impossible. I have one question, though."
"Yes?" Ianto said, looking nervous and maybe a bit impatient, which was unusual for him, at least when talking to Tosh.

"You knew I would find the tape, or more exactly the sound record of that conversation. And I know you know perfectly how to delete it. Did you want someone to hear?"

Ianto studied her for a while, then looked away. It was true, he knew how to erase his passage from somewhere. He had proven it throughout his whole time in Torchwood Three, first with Lisa, then with all that office sex with Jack. He had no idea why he hadn't done it this time. Maybe Tosh was right. Maybe he needed someone to tell him to stop or go for it.

He shrugged the question off nevertheless.

"What are you going to do?" He asked instead, almost dreading the answer.

"Do what you want, Ianto. What feels right. And I'll do the same for me."

"And what does feel right for you?"

"Talk to Jack. If you don't, I'll guide the conversation towards this tomorrow."

"Tosh," Ianto started but she shook her head disapprovingly and left the kitchen.

Ianto swore under his breath and almost called his friend back. But he made his decision as he stepped towards the kitchen's door. He stopped in his tracks, shut his open mouth and turned back to the coffee machine. Tonight, he would try. He had nothing to lose.

HAPPY NEW YEAR WITH THAT ANGST HAHA Ahem sorry. I hope you all have a good night and year after ;)

Thanks for your reviews, I hope you'll like this :)