Chapter 21

Missing

A/N: Nice and long! With plenty of touchy-feely lovey-dovey stuff. We miss Nai right? Well, I may not miss her too much, I see way too much of her...

Not Too Long Ago:

Hakkai:

"Hakkai, are you okay?"

The healer smiled at Nai before returning his attention to the cutting board, "I'm fine."

She turned down the heat on the stove then turned to him, "Hakkai..."

"I'm alright."

"No you're not. Who did it?" When he didn't answer she pushed, "Gojyo?" He shook his head, "Did Goku break something?" Another no, "Sanzo?"

"No."

"Me?"

"Goodness no. I just... I have a lot on my mind."

Nai frowned, "It'll stay on your mind unless you say something. You can talk to me."

Hakkai put down the knife and took a calming breath, "Why do you think the sanbutshin let me live?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"I just think there's more to it than being against killing. I feel like I shouldn't have been allowed to live."

Nai smirked, "Everyone has sinned Hakkai."

"Not everyone has sinned to the extent that I have."

The woman frowned at him, "Is there more to your story that you want to tell me?"

He nodded and she lent against the counter, ready to listen. "Go on."

Hakkai sighed, "Kanan and I met in the orphanage my to be told we were siblings. We had been separated until then..."

"I understand."

"You do?"

"Wanting to keep your sister close is understandable."

"But the things I did with her..."

"Did you feel good?" a nod, "Were you happy?"

"Of course, I loved her."

"Then you shouldn't care what anyone says or thinks. Loving someone, no matter who it is or how you love them, is not a sin."

Hakkai smiled, eyes moist, "Thank you."

Gojyo:

"We really need to stop or I'll be too hung over to open this place in the morning."

"C'mon girly. Just relax with me a little longer."

Nai raised her brow at the redhead as she finished her peach wine, "Why?" she asked.

Gojyo poured himself some more of the drink, "I like your company. Is that a crime?"

"No, but I'm sure any other woman in this town would enjoy yours."

His red eyes stared sadly into his glass and he shook his head, "It's not the same."

"Oh?"

"Don't worry about it."

Nai reached out and gently tugged a tussle of his red hair. It made him smile and she giggled, "I can make you talk."

"I'm sure you can." He said suggestively.

"Ew. No."

They laughed together for a moment and Nai filled her glass again. Peach was her favorite. "Here's the proposal," she said, "I will stay here and get drunk with you if you if you tell me why you do what you do."

Gojyo pondered it for a moment then threw his hands up in surrender, "You strike a good bargain girl."

"Stop stalling."

"I'm looking for something." he stated simply.

"For what?"

"I'm not really sure. Women fill a hole, no matter how short of a time they fill it."

Nai frowned, "Is this about your mom Gojyo?"

"Yeah."

She nodded, "It makes sense. She didn't really love you like she should have. But..."

"But what?"

"You weren't her kid. I'm not trying to rationalize what she did or anything; it's just that the person who loved you, the woman who birthed you, couldn't stay alive to love you like you needed."

Gojyo but his lip, "Why?"

"I wish I knew. But I do know that I love you, Goku loves you, Hakkai would probably kill for you, and Sanzo has his ways."

They laughed a bit and Nai rubbed his back, "I know I'm the only female on that list but I do love you. You don't have to do what you do for it, you've already got it."

He drank the rest of his wine and smiled at the woman, "But of course I can keep doing it because it feels good."

Nai rolled her eyes, "You are such a pervert."

Goku:

"Goku, you have to come down."

"No."

"Goku."

"I can't. They don't like me; they'll throw things and pull my hair."

Nai put her hands on her hips and looked over to the young monks watching her from across the courtyard, "Is that what they've been doing to you?"

"They're mean." Was his way of saying yes.

"They wont mess with you while I'm here. Come down."

"I don't want to."

Nai sighed; Sanzo wasn't willing to deal with this so of course he had called her. She approached the tree and started to climb, "I can't believe I'm climbing this damn tree." She ducked the ripe peaches and found a spot next to the boy.

Goku continued to pout next to her, as she got comfortable. She looked down and regretted it, "So why so high?"

"They wont follow me… and the best peaches are here."

Nai smiled as he picked one and started to eat it slowly. After a moment she brushed back his hair, "You know I can't make them play nice with you."

"I know."

"What do they say?"

Goku toyed with the ends of his hair, "All kinds of things. They call me a girl because of my hair and this thing." He touched his coronet.

"Well, your coronet is important. A gift from Sanzo and maybe even someone greater."

The boy brightened, "Greater than Sanzo!"

Nai laughed, "Yes. And if you like I can cut your hair for you."

"I don't know. Can I think about it?"

"Of course."

"Hey Nai, do you know why I'm so different?"

She smiled, "You're not different, you're special. Don't forget it."

Goku started to climb down from the tree with a grin on his face, Nai started after him, "Where are you going?"

"To ask Sanzo for a meat bun!"

Sanzo:

Sanzo placed a clammy hand on his forehead as he tried to catch his breath. The sheets pooled about his waist as he shivered from the breeze coming through the open window behind him.

"Nightmares again?"

He sighed, "Why the hell do you ask when you already know?"

Nai smirked as she entered his view, climbing onto the bed and crossing her legs, "I like to hear you acknowledge it."

"Humph. I'm tired of you coming through my window like a murderer."

She laughed, "No you're not." She countered. "I can tell having someone check on you calms you down."

"Whatever."

Nai counted the scars covering his chest as he rubbed his violet eyes. Sixteen, not including the many she had seen on his back. She was still staring and biting her lip when Sanzo scowled at her, "What?"

She looked him in the eyes, "It bothers me that I can't help you. I can't say or do anything to make it better and it worries me. Is that weird?"

Sanzo kept a straight face, "Yes."

Nai slapped his covered leg, "You're an asshole."

He smirked for all of a second and settled back into his scowl, "You should worry about yourself."

"I do, but myself consists of emotions that aren't mine. And one of the many is you."

"Smart ass."

"Thank you."

"You can't turn that shit off?"

She chuckled, "It's not a radio station."

"Tch."

Nai scooted closer to him, "I know I wont get it out of you now, but promise me that one day you'll just talk to me."

"No."

"Sanzo…"

"Fine. I promise."

Present Day:

Sanzo roughly ran his hands through his golden hair as his eyes burned with tears that simply couldn't fall. He hadn't cried in so long that he has lost the ability. The others definitely hadn't of course. Goku's cries after the woman's cremation were almost screams and Hakkai found is hard to comfort the child through his own body racking sobs. Gojyo was broken and angry, He had screamed at Sanzo so harshly, criticizing him for not shedding tears, that his voice became hoarse. His scratchy cries couldn't be missed in the halls.

Everyone was crying except for the blonde, and he badly wanted too. Everything hurt, his past and this. He wanted her with him, preferably coming through the window like and angel sent to help him. He wanted to hold her and he wanted to talk. He wanted her help.

"I really hope you don't mope much longer. You still have a mission to complete."

"Fuck your mission."

The goddess folded her arms, "If you must know, I have her, she's safe."

"What? Give her back right now!"

"I can't do that."

Sanzo pulled out his Smith and Wesson and proceeded to pump the trigger. The bullets bounds harmlessly off the goddess but the commotion led the other three to the room.

"Sanzo, what's going on?" Hakkai's puffy, red eyes, landed on the goddess and widened, "Are you here about Nai?"

"Yes."

Goku looked to Sanzo then to the hermaphrodite, "She's not coming back is she?"

"No." Sanzo interrupted. He glared at the goddess, "Why come and tell me? What good does it do?"

Konzeon became upset, "If you really cared you wouldn't be selfish! You would be happy to know that she was safe."

"I am." Gojyo spoke, his voice still soft, "I'm happy to know that she's okay." He cleared his throat and wiped away stray tears, "We always joked about going to hell…"

Sanzo laid back down on his bed and turned his back to them, "Get out."

He was promptly ignored as Goku shuffled his feet, "Why can't she come back?"

"She's filled an important position in heaven. We need her to stay."

"Dare I ask what the position is?" Hakkai asked."

Konzeon looked at all of them, hesitant to say. But they would find out anyway, "War God."