Chapter 22

They Make Me Feel

A/N: "They make me feel… They just do. I will ALWAYS cry with them, laugh with them…and at them. I will ALWAYS pray for them, fear for them, love them, miss them, need them. For four people who are not physically with me, I can feel them everywhere. They meant the world to me for ten years and they will mean the world to me for ten more. I cry thinking about their pain, I smile thinking about their happiness. When the real world is too much for me, I will run to them for solace. They are my best friends, they are my brothers, and they are my lovers. Sanzo, Gojyo, Goku, and Hakkai…I WILL LOVE YOU ALWAYS."

Getting closer to my birthday, two days, and I got the best gift ever. Minekura-sensei is feeling better. She is out of the hospital (has been for a while) and is working on finishing Saiyuki. I wrote the blurb above on my newly created Saiyuki Tumblr when I found out. (sitting in the library at school crying btw. Lol)

The Merciful Goddess herself didn't know what to do with the scene before her. Lying on her back before the very doors to exit and enter heaven, the doors that crushed her nephew Konzen and ended his life, was Nai Hagane.

Her chest rose and fell softly as if sleeping, but her cheeks were stained with dried tears. Konzeon sighed and approached the woman, "You can't lie there forever."

Nai opened her eyes and stared at the decorative ceiling, "Why not?" her voice was dull and unfeeling.

"You have a job to attend to."

She shook her head and put an arm over her eyes, "I'm dead. What job could I possibly do?"

"Fill the position of war god."

Nai sat up and finally stood, "What?"

"No time for questions." Konzeon grabbed her by the upper arm and pulled. Nai lagged behind her/him, taking awkward steps to avoid tripping over the goddess' feet. A god? Her? And to make it worse, war god at that.

She couldn't muster any words and with a million questions floating about her head she felt like maybe she was dreaming. But she knew she hadn't dreamt the warmth of death and the wetness from too familiar tears. The heavens passed by in a flurry of cherry blossoms and polished marble. When grand stairs stretched before her she yanked back her arm and stopped.

"No!"

"You can't go back." The goddess was cold, "You can't start over, and you can't make another decision."

"I didn't even make this one!"

Konzeon approached her, "They will die if you don't do this."

"What? I-"

"The four of them cannot beat Gyuumaou. They will die trying and they will go to hell. Only a god can defeat him."

Nai couldn't stop her tears, "So if I don't fight…they die."

"You chose to die because deep down something told you that they would be okay if you did. Somewhere in your heart you knew they would survive if you didn't."

She couldn't argue with that. She wouldn't. But it didn't change that she was scared. She thought she could be at peace, she thought she could leave them to life. But right now, nothing hurt more then knowing they were living without her.

"Nai Hagane!"

She jumped, the Jade Emperor's booming voice reverberated in her chest as she stood before him. She was shaking if you looked closely, but her expression was hard. When her eyes met his he studied her from his throne.

"You have been chosen to fill the position of War God. You will accept and travel to the world below to defeat Gyuumaou."

"I get no say?"

"No you do not! Heaven's army is a privilege and the title of War God is an honor. You have been given the power of the most skilled fighter in the universe and you will gladly accept it."

Nai understood why Homura felt the way he had. These gods were so arrogant. Unwilling to fight, but eager to have somebody fight for them. They sat up high and looked down their noses at the people below them. She was sure though, that with the power Homura had possessed, they were afraid of him.

She glared at the god and gave him a curt, "Yes Sir."

A meek looking god to the emperor's right sneered at her, "Toushin Nai Taishi, you will report to your quarters and dress properly for your role."

Nai didn't say a word as she was squished between two soldiers who proceeded to escort her through the palaces of what she figured were the war gods. Somehow, she just started to know…

When the door to her quarters closed tears escaped her eyes, but her face was still held firm. She looked around the plush room. White silks and satins, fluffy pillows and expensive décor. Books and scrolls lined the walls as well as weapons from every era down below. She approached the bed and touched the white garment that lay there.

She changed out of her dingy, earthly clothing and approached the mirror. Her reflection shocked her. Her skin was clear of the marks and scratches she had received over the years, her hair almost glowed and she felt… strong. Her outfit was questionable as a soldier's uniform. Decorative white pants stitched with gold, and a white top of simple design that only covered enough to be semi-decent. She dawned a white jacket, also stitched with gold; that brushed the floor about her feet. But it was her eyes that stared back her in a striking gold that made her think of Goku.

"Heretic..." She spoke softly to herself.

Nai didn't hate her reflection, but she wasn't sure if she liked it.

"Well look at you." Konzeon lounged in the windowsill and smirked at the woman, "All these men seem to relish in the fact that you're a woman. That top doesn't cover nearly enough."

Nai buttoned her much more conservative military coat and clenched her fists, "I don't like this."

"No one said you would. But if the world isn't going to crumble, you have to at least get used to it."

She bit her lip and sat on the bed, "Sanzo would tell me shut up and deal with it."

Konzeon frowned, "I don't know about that. Right now, he's a mess."

Nai nodded, "I was afraid of that."

The bed dipped and she noticed that the goddess had a book in her/his hands. It was handed to her, "I thought maybe you would find this a good read."

The green book was heavy and the gold lettering twinkled at her, "Gensomaden." Nai read the title aloud.

"It's a shame you weren't here to see the events for yourself, but if I must say so, it's a pretty decent account."

"Hm." Nai rubbed her thumbs over the book. It was warm, as if it was comforting her. The comfort was familiar.

Konzeon watched her in silence then stood, holding out her/his hand. "Come with me. There's someone I want you to meet."

Nai took the offered hand and held it tight. She looked to the ground as they walked, already sick of the scent of flowers and the glare of over polished marble. Konzeon stopped and gently nudged the War Princess.

A child on a throne was staring at her, or through her. Something compelled Nai to approach the boy whose gaze was actually as hallow as he himself was. She reached out to touch him but stopped, "This is…"

"Toushin Nataku Taishi."

Nai turned to the goddess, shocked, "War god?"

"Five hundred years ago. A full heretic child forced into a life of killing and servitude."

It hit her then, "Goku… If not me, it would have been Goku."

Konzeon nodded, "He is strong on his own, but as a god… Could you imagine it? If you hadn't joined their journey, it would be Goku here with me right now."

Nai felt the tears burning her eyes; Goku dying instead of her. She probably would have felt that from thousands of miles away had she chosen to live if they left her behind. "This kid…"

"Touch him."

"But…"

"Touch him Nai. Let him show you what he knew, what he still knows."

It was a rush, like a wave of fire washing over her. She was seeing life through the eyes of someone so small. She was seeing death through those eyes too. A man with close cut red hair and fiery spirit and an almost doctor like character with a sweet smile and deadly intentions, and a blonde with a scowl that could freeze over the earth. She knew this gaze too. A gaze that was loving and free of judgment. She had had hat gaze on her before; she had it on her when she died.

"Goku." Konzeon let the woman cry in a heap on the child's lap. "They all died trying to leave this place. They hated it here. And Goku…Goku made it out alone."

"Those doors," Konzeon started, "That boy sat outside of those doors and cried for three days. He had the freedom he wanted but had no one to share it with. I had to take his memories; they were too painful for him to bear. When I returned I retrieved a battered and beaten Nataku from a father who was up for trial, and gave him everything I took from Goku."

Nai continued to cry and shake with pain, "They were reborn over and over, each time only living without purpose until they found each other…"

Konzeon finally placed a comforting hand on Nai's back and said, "Until they found you."

The sentiment was warm but painful all the same. When she returned to her room she opened the book she was given and read, she read all night and remembered every word. She remembered the names Konzen, Kenren, Tenpou, and Goku.

She remembered that their journey together had only just begun.