Chapter Nine: Buckle Up, Boys
Location: Fiend Central
Urbania
"What do I say?" Jack rhetorically asked. He glanced to his allies, trying to get a read on their expressions. Travis and Eddie both held looks of discontent with the fact he was even considering the offer, scowls on their faces and arms folded across their chests. The Overlord once again held a mask of apathy, not caring whether or not a deal is struck, only desiring to let blood spill. So Jack went with his gut and gave the most reasonable answer he could, looking Joe the Render dead in the eye. "I say put him down, big guy."
"Wait, what?" Travis and Eddie asked, completely shocked.
(Rick & Slick: Wait, what?)
"You heard what I said." Jack reiterated. "Put Joe down, we've got ourselves a deal." The Overlord grumbled, throwing the Fiend Warlord to the ground with an unceremonious thud. While Travis was busy attempting to make a coherent sentence emphasized by wild arm movement and Eddie shook his head in resignation, Jack lifted Joe off the ground by his shoulder, slugged him on the shoulder and extended his arm in a handshake. "Don't make me regret this."
"You won't, pal." Joe said with a crooked smile, shaking Jack's robotic hand. Once the grip was broken, Joe turned to the Fiends that had survived the onslaught of the Minions. "FIENDS OF THE MOJAVE! Put out a call to action! We're joining the Heart of Steel's army! Contact all Chieftains and Warlords in the area to haul their asses to the Lookout Watch! First piss-pot to get this done gets a shitload of Jet and Psycho in their next pay raise!" The Fiends hooted and hollered at their leaders command, grabbing as much gear as they could and bolting out of the room through whatever entrance they could find or make. Joe turned with a satisfying grin to Jack, arms folded across his chest. "Can't wait to knock some heads with you guys."
(Slick: You know, I think they made a good choice in getting an intelligent guy like Joe to work with them. I foresee great things in the future for the Heart of Steel.)
*BANG! SQUISH!*
(Rick: You wanna retract that previous statement?)
(Slick: Nah, I'm good.)
Jack blinked rapidly, aware of two things at the moment: One was that Joe had a chunk of his head blown to gunk. Two was that the chunk was now splattered all over his face.
"HOLY SHIT!" Travis shouted, activating his beam katana. Jack watched as Joe's body fell to the ground, and standing behind it was none other than Shaundi, holding a smoking pistol, and a whole battalion of Saints armed with loads of guns.
"… To be honest, I was going to corrupt him into being a permanent servant." The Overlord said, pointing at Joe's corpse. "But now I won't. Not too happy about it."
"Suck it up, you gigantic evil lightening rod." Shaundi shouted, pointing her gun at them. A few of the Saints behind her shot her several 'are you serious?' looks. "What? The Boss is the quip guy, not me." Eddie slacked a bit, recognizing the Saint he'd saved earlier.
"Oh hey, Shaundi right?" Eddie said, stepping forward, only to have the gun pointed at him. "Woah, hey, it's me. Remember, I saved you from those Fiends a few hours ago."
"Yeah, and now you're working with them." Shaundi spat, glaring daggers at the Roadie. "We came here to do some clean up to make way for a new base, but it looks like you got in the way." The Heart of Steel and Minions readied their weapons, all prepared to attack, when something strange happened. As Shaundi started her advance, her boot kicked against something on the ground. The Saint Lieutenant looked down, and all the color flushed from her face as she recognized the familiar rectangular package. "Oh son of a bi-."
*KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*
(Slick: C4, always a good way to clear a room. Both figuratively and very literally.)
The four men flinched from the sudden explosion, clearing their eyes from the dust and rubble that was kicked up. Looking at the wreckage, they saw that all of the Saints had been blasted to kingdom come. Not a single survivor. The room was completely quiet, save for the shouting of one single Fiend wearing a blast mask and spike armor, clutching a detonator and wearing a bandolier of dynamite.
"Bitch went boom! Bahahaha!" He cackled, jumping up and down. "That's what ya get when ya mess with the Fiends! Am I right?!" He hopped down to the Heart of Steel, arms extended in an open embrace. "Right?!"
"Thanks for the save… uh…" Jack said, waiting for the Fiend to give his name.
"Mitch the Match!" The Fiend said. "I was Joe's Number Two, and now that he's dead, I'm the Number One! Means I lead all the Fiends!" The four men, even the Minions, stared incredulously at this new leader, comparing him to the now deceased Joe the Render. "Look, I know I'm not Joe, but I'm smarter than the whole lot of Fiends under our command. I'll lead 'em good, you can count on it." Jack rolled his eyes, growing tired of the whole situation.
(Rick: Files show that Mitch the Match was part of Joe's initial inner circle before joining the IDA, so I'd say he's a somewhat less than suitable replacement, but a good substitute.)
"Fine, whatever." Jack said, turning to his allies. "C'mon, let's head back to the Watch, I'm sure the Saints left the portal open." As the Heart of Steel and the Minion menagerie left, with Mitch bolting out an open window, they filed this skirmish under a victorious success. Not only did they get the Brown Minions, but they also acquired new allies, as unhinged they may be. They couldn't wait to celebrate victory once they returned to Lookout Watch
Location: Urbania Lookout Watch
"Hey we're back!" Travis cheerfully said, emerging from the other side of the portal alongside his comrades. He was greeted with a coffee mug thrown his direction, narrowly missing his head and shattering on the wall. "Shit, what the hell was that for?!" The four men took the moment to see an absolutely furious Agent Cinder pacing about the room, tossing things around and shouting angrily, while the others were in a corner hoping to avoid the wrath.
"Damn it all to hell!" Agent Cinder shouted, knocking papers off a table. "Of all the god damn bullshit that could happen, this is – GAH!"
"What bit you in the ass while we were out?" Eddie asked, watching the brightly dressed man fume.
"What bit my ass, Mr. Riggs?" Cinder angrily asked, glaring behind his orange-tinted sunglasses. "The Monarch did, that's who!"
"A freaking butterfly bit your ass?" Jack asked, folding his arms as Cinder groaned.
"Not a monarch, you meat heads!" Cinder groaned loudly. "The Monarch, the D-List Supervillain from the Guild of Calamitous Intent! The long-eyebrowed asshole with the sexy wife with the extremely off-putting voice, the legions of henchmen, and now THIS!" He grabbed a remote and pointed it at a nearby television screen. The screen flickered on, displaying an image of Urbania, as well as what appeared to be a large cocoon floated above the buildings.
"That's a flying cocoon." Travis pointed out. Cinder groaned once more.
(Slick: That always looked like I flying crap to me.)
(Rick: Why does that not surprise me?)
"That's the Monarch's Mighty Flying Cocoon," Cinder explained. "A massive flying fortress that houses thousands of Henchmen and is fully equipped with hundreds of weaponry capable of levelling a small army." He glared at the people in the room. "That, ladies, gentlemen, and Minions, is a threat."
"The Monarch has a steady control of a sizeable sector of Urbania," Silvia said, striding to the map table. "A sector larger than what the Fiends controlled. Ever since he acquired his Cocoon, it's been expanding rapidly."
"He has got to be stopped." Cinder said, slamming his hands on the table. "That flying piece of crap is an unfair advantage in the Tournament, something that many competitors will have. So we're going to level the playing field by taking that thing down." Jack and Travis were liking where he was going with this.
"Okay, how?" Eddie asked. "I can only fly so high and fast, and that Cocoon looks like it's constantly moving." This time, it was Magnus' turn to start chuckling.
"Dudes," Magnus said, shaking his head. "Christmas has come early this year for you guys."
(Slick: Last year for Christmas I got a Red Rider BB Gun.)
(Rick: Surprised you didn't shoot your eye out.)
(Slick: Nope, but the Mall Santa sure was.)
(Rick and Slick: *loud laughter*)
(Slick: Ahaha, but seriously I accidentally blinded a Mall Santa.)
The doors to the lowest floor opened up, leading all the members of the team into something even Agent Cinder was unaware of: a large garage. Inside the spacious room were several parking spots filled with vehicles from across the known universes. Cars, jeeps, motorcycles, trucks, hover-bikes, tanks, even a fully functioning VTOL and some sort of inactive giant robotic head. However, what really stood out in the room were three vehicles under three spotlights. One was an incredibly impressive and well-cared for Harley Motorcycle, painted black and polished to perfection. Six sets of exhaust pipes sat on the leaned back leather seat, and the wheels looked strong enough to crush a man's skull. Next to that was the single most metal hot rod car, a sleek black two seater machine of metal, with large white wall tires, a gigantic skull engine, a spiked tower shield on the hood, five exhaust pipes attached to three nitro tanks, velvet seats, and a kickass radio. And lastly was an incredibly unique looking motorcycle, with a sleek white rectangular form, highlighted with orange paint, four hydraulic exhaust ports, a gigantic set of wheels with the words 'Grasshopper' imprinted on it, a comfy white seat, and plenty of foot space. The reaction to the three vehicles was instantaneously positive.
"Holy fucking shit!" Travis said in disbelief, his smile threatening to split his face as he ran over to the white motorcycle. "How'd the get the Schpeltiger?" Jack walked over to the Harley, putting his hands on the handle bars.
"We never requisitioned getting our rides in the Tournament." Jack muttered, feeling the familiar leather of the grip around his fingers. A loud engine roar echoed throughout the room, all eyes falling on Eddie as he sat in the driver's seat of the car.
"Who the hell cares?" Eddie laughed. "I'm in the Druid Plow again, and I'm happy." The Roadie turned to face Magnus, the crew manager displaying a look of smug confidence. "How'd you find all this, Magnus?"
"Eh, I got bored waiting for you guys to get back," Magnus said, rubbing the back of his neck. "So I did some poking around. There's a cafeteria, bedrooms, arcade, war room, even three shower blocks, man!"
"Maybe you should use one then." Gnarl said, examining the room, a frown evident on his face. "My lord does not have a chariot like the rest of you, this presents a problem."
"No need, Gnarl." The Overlord said, moving towards the Druid Plow. "There is a second seat on this chariot." The menace of evil slowly began to climb into the passenger seat of the car, much to Eddie's dismay.
"Hey hey HEY!" Eddie shouted as the Overlord sat down. "Don't scratch the paint or tear the seats with those spikes on your armor!" The car creaked under the massive weight it was now supporting, but still was standing sturdy as ever. A wicked giggling was heard as Agent Cinder ran over to the vehicles the Heart of Steel, gears churning in his head like clockwork.
"Oh man, this is absolutely brilliant!" Cinder chittered. "I see that all your vehicles have some sort of super-exhaust, making a perfect speed boost. And with all the debris and junk scattered around…"
"We can use ramps to send our rides flying," Travis said, hopping on the Schpeltiger's seat. "And ram into the Cocoon, knocking that flying turd out of the sky!"
"Best idea I've ever made up!" Agent Cinder said, proudly laughing as a few silent stares were shot. "Alright, I'll map the current location of the Flying Cocoon on your ECHOs. Are you guys ready for this?" The response was a thunderous roar of three separate engines, shaking the foundations of the building. "Exactly what I wanted to hear. Buckle up, boys, you're going for a ride!" The four men all gave nods, and in their rides drove out of the room and up the ramp to the streets, ready to face hell on wheels with their newest challenge.
Author's Note: Got you there, didn't I? The choice you have voted for is the Morally Good but Logically Bad choice, resulting in the homicidal Fiends becoming allies and the incredibly powerful Saints to have issues with the Heart of Steel for killing one of their members. Surely no consequences will follow, right? Anyway, the Monarch is from the animated television series Venture Bros. and Mitch the Match is based off an IDA Creative Consultant we call Mitch Match. Enjoy the story and keep posted for more events to occur in the future.
And remember: The Fate of One is the Fate of All