Chapter Ten: The Mighty Flying Cocoon
Location: Urbania Main Road
When not in the midst of being used as a turf war for various factions in an all-out battle royal Ultimate Tournament, the Main Road of Urbania played host to numerous shops and restaurants for the citizens of Base Prime. It featured a collection of several varieties of cuisine from Alternate Earth countries, run by a group of extreme cultural stereotypes known as the Persona of the World (and that's in the most polite way to put it), several shops and markets selling paraphernalia and other junk, and even a street wide enough to support even the largest of vehicles. Unfortunately, the heyday of the Main Road vanishes during Tournament Time, with the area being currently the site of mass fighting between the 3rd Street Saints and the steadily encroaching Henchmen of the Monarch. You couldn't walk two feet without seeing either a bunch of thugs in purple and white street garb or men wearing yellow jumpsuits with bright orange wings shooting at each other with either bullets or butterfly darts. The only remotely clear location was the road itself, kept open to keep access for vehicles to move, and a dangerous location for fear of being attacked from above. Luckily, the only occupants of the road didn't have much to worry about in terms of enemy fire.
(Rick: Ah, Main Street, always a popular tourist/leisure site amongst the denizens of Base Prime. Great restaurants, great stores, great company…)
(Slick: Great places to pick up hookers, pick fights, and score drugs…)
(Rick: Is everything with you just sex, violence, and drugs?)
(Slick: Mmmmm, yes~.)
(Rick: Freude would have a field day with you.)
(Slick: Like how the Monarch's having a field day with taking over the sector with that flying death machine of his. This place has become a deathtrap to any stupid fucker who walks around here, what with the costumed goons with lethalized tranquilizer darts and the gun toting Saints and all. Anybody dumb enough to go out in the open better keep their head down unless they want to get fucked with bullets and darts.)
Any fighters near the road immediately dove for cover when they heard the roar of several engines, watching as smoke trailed down the road as three incredibly fast vehicles flew past, driven none other by the Heart of Steel. The Druid Plow occupied the center of the road, the car jostling about as it carried the driver and its passenger, Eddie having the time of his life while the Overlord clung to the seat as speed overtook him. Flanking the car on each side were Travis in his Schpeltiger motorcycle and Jack on his Harley, vigilantly watching the road as they kept an eye out for their target. Well, at least Jack was, Travis was too preoccupied laughing at the Overlord's predicament.
"What's the matter, big guy?" Travis jeered, watching as the Overlord gripped his seat so hard it threatened to tear. "Afraid of going fast?"
"Afraid? HA!" The Overlord laughed briefly before the car sped up. "I-I-I fear nothing! I just am not as comfortable moving at these kinds of speeds." He tightened his grip on the seat. "Yes, nothing to do with fear at all. This is a precautionary thing."
"Well will you quit being precautionary on my ride?" Eddie asked, irritated. "You're going to rip the seat." He grumbled, fiddling with the radio in his car. "Shit, I need some music to set the mood. Any of you guys like Metal?"
"Depends on the Metal." Jack asked, scanning the road. "Heavy Metal, Death Metal, and Black Metal are good."
"I killed a guy named Death Metal." Travis chuckled, leaning back on his seat. "That was the fight that really got me into the UAA. Bastard had a big electric razor blade, called himself the Holy Sword. Cut his arms and head off… Ah, takes me back." Eddie and Jack rolled their eyes, with the roadie fiddling with his radio. Finally he settled on a loud and booming song with a simplistic beat, but set off the vibe that anybody hearing this knew they didn't fuck around. In addition, the song gave Travis a strange sense of déjà vu.
(Recommended Song: Mach 13 Elephant Explosion from the No More Heroes Soundtrack)
"Heads up!" Jack shouted, revving his motorcycle. "I hear something coming up ahead!" A loud humming of a high-tech engine echoed off the buildings on the Main Road, signaling the arrival of something very big. Coming into view much further down the street, emerging from a nearby side street, was a gigantic flying fortress stylized like a yellow butterfly cocoon, a circle of windows for observation on the topmost part, a set of large speakers mounted on the sides, and a cloud of armed Henchmen fluttering about, clutching their trademark dart guns.
The Mighty Flying Cocoon, now with MORE GUNS!
(Rick: And there it is, folks, the Mighty Flying Cocoon, warship and base of the Monarch!)
(Slick: That thing is a fucking pain in my ass.)
(Rick: How so?)
(Slick: First off, it's a goddamn flying cocoon, nobody is going to ignore that shit. Not to mention it's packed with a shitload of weapons and Henchmen. Secondly, it disrupts any TV Signals whenever it passes by, and I'm getting really tired of missing Shark Week whenever they park that thing!)
(Rick: Have you ever heard of something called Tivo?)
(Slick: I don't speak Spanish.)
(Rick: Oh for God's sake….)
"Shit, we have to fight that?" Travis chuckled in disbelief, plucking a red beam katana from his belt. "I fought I giant robot bigger than that." He activated the weapon, shooting a red beam from the device. "I love you, Rose Nasty…"
"FIGHTERS OF THE ULTIMATE TOURNAMENT!" Shouted a nasally voice from the speakers. "IT IS I, THE MIGHTY MONARCH! SUBMIT TO MY INCREDIBLE GRANDEUR AND I WILL SPARE YOU THE WRATH OF MY FULLY OPERATIONAL FLYING COCOON!"
"Wrath?" The Overlord asked, reaching for his mace. "What can that ridiculous flying thing do to qualify as wrath?" To answer his question, a line opened below the observation area, with several smaller circles opening around it. And then they started to glow a bright blue. The reaction was instantaneous.
"Laser beams!" Travis shouted. "We gotta dodge!" Following the order, Jack and Travis veered their bikes away from the road, while Eddie simply drove even faster than before, much to the Overlord's dismay. A gargantuan wave of energy blasted from the Flying Cocoon, narrowly avoiding the Heart of Steel, but tearing through several buildings and the road like butter. The group regrouped, absolutely shocked at the newest situation. "This is going to suck, isn't it?"
"Well, I did say the Cocoon was outfitted with enough weaponry to wipe out a small army." Cinder's voice said over ECHO. "Or at least now it does, ever since the Monarch nagged the Guild of Calamitous Intent to upgrade it for war purposes with the IDA."
"Then give us the rundown on what they've got!" Jack shouted, his brow furrowing intensely.
"I've got Mr. Murphy on it right now," Cinder said, sounding a bit concerned. "He'll have a response ready in a few minutes. So until then, stick with the plan to board the Cocoon and don't die. Ciao!" The line was cut, and the four dangerous men were left with nothing but the sounds of their own engines, the radio, and the hum of the Flying Cocoon's engine.
"Well that's fucking helpful!" Travis shouted, cracking his neck.
"Ah!" The Monarch said through his PA. "I see we have a couple of challengers to take the Monarch's crown! HENCHMEN! TAKE TO THE SKIES AND DESTROY ANYONE IN YOUR WAKE!"
"Sir, yes, sir!" The Henchmen shouted, flying out of the Cocoon en-mass, blotting out the sky in a swarm of orange.
(Slick: I wish I had a legion of Henchmen to do my bidding…)
(Rick: And you don't because…?)
(Slick: Because I'm a penny pincher and Henchmen take out massive life insurance policies. Seriously, their health plans are amazing, especially since the average mortality rate of a Henchman is a week from employment.)
(Rick: Then how do they collect pay?)
(Slick: Next of Kin, dumbass. What, have you never gotten insurance?)
(Rick: N… YEAH… Shuddup.)
"And that's just fucking perfect!" Travis yelled, giving his beam katana a few swings. "Now might not be a good time to say I'm not good at on vehicle fighting."
"Now's a good time to learn if any." Jack chuckled, extending his chainsaw with a loud roar. Eddie let off a laugh of his own, leaning over to the Overlord who tried to stand up to no avail.
"Hey, you wanna see something awesome?" Eddie asked with a grin, enticing the Overlord to sit bad down. "See this big button on the dashboard?" The Overlord nodded. "Press it." Curiosity aroused, the Overlord carefully pressed the button, wondering what prize awaits from doing such a menial task. Two hatched opened out of the hood of the car, sprouting a pair of lightning rods the size of a mail box.
"… Shall I press it again?" The Overlord boomed, a sudden feeling of childish glee rising in his heart. Eddie nodded, to which the Overlord pressed the button once more. A gigantic pair of lightning bolts shot from the rods and fried a cluster of Henchmen, dropping them from the sky like a sack of doo-doo diapers. "This pleases me." He continued to mash on the button, zapping more Henchmen out of the sky, like flies on a bug zapper. The yellow suited goons in turn responded by firing their guns down below, peppering the streets with orange tranquilizer darts.
"Keep out of their line of fire!" Eddie shouted. "They might pop your tires since they're exposed! Mine are protected, so the Overlord and I will be safe!"
"Got it!" The two killers shouted, revving their engines. The two bikes swerved back and forth on the road, dodging the spray of darts that fell from above like orange hail, not a single one making impact. Travis felt proud of himself, taking a moment in revelry, but blinked too long and found himself driving up an upturned cabbage cart and propelling himself and his vehicle midair, right into the swarm of Henchmen. Travis' expression shifted to one of sinister glee, while the Henchmen's faces transferred to one of fear.
"Oh, this is going to hurt…" Moaned one Henchman, while a few of his fellows silently agreed as Travis, his bike, and beam katana rapidly encroached on them. Those that were not cleaved in two by the energy blade were crushed under the Schpeltiger's weight as the assassin dropped to the ground, his formerly white bike now sporting a red paint job.
(Rick: That gaudy bike is a real killing machine.)
(Slick: The fuck are you calling 'gaudy'?)
"Huh? HUH?!" Travis laughed, looking at his allies. "C'mon, you've got to admit that was cool!" The only response he got was Jack taking off on his bike, riding up a crushed bus, flying higher than Travis did, literally kicking off his bike into the flock of Henchmen, spun his axe around like a homicidal ballerina, slaughtered twice as many foes than Travis did, then dropped back onto his motorcycle, landing perfectly. Travis merely responded with a middle finger.
"Thank you, I'll be here all week." Jack said, waving one of his arms.
(Slick: And the show-offy asshole award goes to.)
"Return fire!" Shouted one of the Henchmen, swinging his rifle about. The Henchmen unleashed a hail fire of darts. Before the four men could brace themselves, divine intervention appeared in the form of three purple helicopters, blocking the darts with their plating and blades. Sticking out of the doors on the central helicopter was none other than Pierce Washington, fellow Saints Lieutenant, clutching an assault rifle in one hand.
"Alright, boys," Pierce shouted, taking aim. "Let's shoot these bastards out of the sky!" Additional engines roared behind the Heart of Steel, the four men taking notice that several purple trucks and cars were pulling up behind them, all filled with Saints packing enough heat to wipe out a small town.
"Saints again?" Travis asked, remembering their previous encounter with Shaundi that resulted in an explosive meeting. "After what happened with those other Saints…"
"Maybe they don't know what happened to Shaundi?" Eddie asked, cycling through the weapons in his car.
(Rick: We kind of broadcasted that.)
(Slick: Ha! Sucks to be them!)
(Rick: You feel really safe saying that in a bunker far away from the action, don't you?)
(Slick: Well, duh!)
"Oh, we do!" Pierce shouted, glaring at the four killers down below. "And frankly, we're a little bit pissed. But that flying shit and the butterfly brigade is a bigger issue at the moment! So here's the deal," He paused, firing a round at a cluster of Henchmen, knocking them out of the sky. "We'll work together to take down the Monarch's Cocoon, and we'll call it even!" Jack looked to the rest of his team, gauging their thoughts on the matter. Eddie gave a simple shrug, Travis didn't seem to care, and the Overlord was too busy fiddling with the gun switches on the Druid Plow. In a sense, this seemed like a good idea in the long run.
"Fair enough!" Jack shouted, revving his motorcycle to catch up with the chopper.
"I've got it!" Mr. Murphy's voice sounded on the ECHOs. "According to information my Gun Runners have gathered, the Flying Cocoon's arsenal consists of modified Covenant technology!"
"Covenant?" Jack asked, the name sounding incredibly familiar. "That alien cult from that one universe with the gigantic hoops of mass destruction?"
"The same, Mr. Cayman!" Mr. Murphy clarified. "The Guild of Calamitous Intent must have made an arms deal, because the Cocoon is outfitted with plasma weaponry commonly found on their Scarab Walkers, the power enough to blow up ten blocks!"
"Yeah, we noticed…" Travis muttered, glancing back at the ruins from the first attack.
"It's still pretty structurally sound in terms of protection," Mr. Murphy continued. "Nothing short of a few Bunker Busters can break through its defenses…" The four men groaned loudly, now aware their job was just made even harder by the newest bit of news. "Except for one small part."
"An exhaust port two meters wide?" Travis joked, only to get a dart nearly impaled on his forehead.
"The observation deck." Mr. Murphy announced. "Made from the same glass used in airplanes and helicopters, it's durable, but not indestructible. Simply put enough force and BAM!"
"Instant doorway." Eddie smirked, finally swapping his guns on the car to a pair of large rocket launchers. "Easy like fine tuning a guitar." Jack grunted, finally getting in shouting range of the Saints.
"Hey Saint!" Jack shouted, Pierce poking his head out of the helicopter. "The only weak spot on that Cocoon is the observation deck! We can't find a ramp high enough to jump to it on our rides, and I know those choppers have hooks for cargo carrying on them!" Pierce rose an eyebrow, incredulously.
"You want us to haul your asses up and toss you inside that thing?" Pierce asked, shouting over the roar of guns. "You are aware of the flying fuckload of Henchmen and that giant-ass laser cannon, right?!"
"It's plasma," Jack said, gesturing to the Cocoon. "And it takes a while to recharge, if I remember Covenant Tech right. As to the Henchmen," With a flex of his mechanical arm, the chainsaw retracted with a rumbling whirr. "Leave that to us."
Author's Note: And now we take on the newest foes, the Monarch and his Henchmen from Venture Bros. How will things play out, and what difficult choice will occur in the future? Stay tuned and find out on the next exciting installment of IDA Ultimate Tournament!