What's This?
It was early in the morning when Lucas opened his blue eyes to meet a new day. He was startled at first when he found himself starring into a room which wasn't his own, but memories of the day before appeared before his eyes and made him realise why he wasn't in Tree Hill anymore.
While he was yawning he felt how the well-known flood of inspiration began to rush through his veils again, in a way it seemed like ideas of his mind flowed into supple movements to his hands, making them itch, daring them to write.
Which he did, he took his laptop and than his USB-stick out of the metal safe. When his fingertips connected with the buttons of his keyboard, he little by little drowned himself into this trance created by his creative mind and the talent to write and express himself in the words from an endless language filled with passion and one who gives the possibility to express yourself in a very extensive way, if you know how to do it, it makes a lot of sense.
From time to time Lucas looked down on his lap, assuming to see Lily slumbering against him. Disappointment became a pretty familiar feeling every time he looked down and saw only his old pants and not his sister.
It weren't even two full days after he left Tree Hill and he began to miss his home already. Lucas knew he was a homeboy, everyone knew, his family and friends were pretty much everything in his world, he didn't need anything else when he had them but. Always there is 'but' in his life. But Peyton was his friend too, and now she sort of needed him by her side and there was nowhere else he rather wanted to be than here in Chicago next beside her but … .
Lucas disliked that word, he would gladly erase it out of the English dictionary. He lives was full with 'but', it irritated him.
He didn't want to break up with Brooke, but he couldn't give her what she needed or she truly deserves. He wanted to hate Chase, but it would be pointless since he made Brooke so happy and he was a good guy
He did go want to college, but the money he saved had his benefits. Going to college would have been a whole experience but it cost so much.
He did want to go chase after his dream to be a famous writer, become just like his famous idols but he couldn't do that to his mother and sister who needed him around.
He didn't want to leave his family and friends behind for this uncertain time, leaving them behind with the feeling they were losing someone they loved but he know, one day in the future, they would thank him for going away and coming back with more than he had left.
He wanted to hate Dan so much, but somehow he felt sorry for him, even ever all he had done, sometimes a flash of regret about how he had treated him through the years came across his mind to be soon beaten up by Lucas' endless hate towards his father.
Dan had treated him and his mother like dirt for years, and a few months of him being nice out of guilt should fix it. Out of guilt of killing the uncle who was as a father to the son you rejected, the love of your ex high school girlfriend's life, who was his own brother. Lucas didn't think so, he always knew he had to protect his mom from that monster, he never forgave himself for letting her open herself up again to him. And Lily, she couldn't get that horrible person into her life, he needed to stay away from her, she was too young, too innocent, too hurt and already damaged without knowing it herself.
But what Lucas scared the most is what could be the reaction of Lily when she would hear her father was killed by her big brother's father. The man who was the father of her big brother she adored, who was her hero, her everything, at such a young age. Lucas always wanted to stay that, her rescuer, he had this uncontrollable need to take care of a girl, it didn't mind who, if it was his mother or his sister or Haley or Brooke or Anna or Peyton. As long as he could feel himself needed, it was alright, without the feeling of being meaningful to someone he was lost.
Lucas had often nightmares about Lily finding out that Dan killed her father Keith. What if she would go hate Lucas, because Dan was Lucas' father? That she was afraid that this evil seeds of a sick man hided away in her big brother? What if she would turn away from him for that reason? Lucas was sure if that would ever happen, if Lily would ever hate him because of what Dan did, he would go to jail to beat Dan up, he could not ruin the perfect bound he and Lily shared.
Lucas did want to tell Peyton how he really felt, how this love never stop burning, that it still was there, just waiting to increase by her words of loving him but he just couldn't ruin the friendship between them.
His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. "Who's there?" Lucas shouted. "Elle from the room service!" A soft voice yelled back. Lucas looked at his watch, realised that he was already three hours awake since it was 8 A.M. "I'm almost there." He yelled back and took a black T-shirt out of his closet and brushed his hand through his hair, in the hope his hair wouldn't look as messy as he felt.
He opened the door to find the gorgeous girl with long blond hair standing there in her uniform, the dress that accented her curves. "Hi." Lucas said, hoping he didn't look like a ghost. "Miss Sawyer wants to have breakfast with you." She said, gestured to the door of Peyton's room. "Say her that I'll be there immediately, just give me five minutes to refresh myself." He said smiling. "I'm sorry that I woke you." Elle said. "No you didn't, actually I'm three hours awake already." He reassured her.
Five minutes later Lucas stood in Peyton's room, Peyton sat on the table in her room, on her plat laid a lot of food. It was a little shocking to see how much she ate in a little time. She was chewing and in her eyes you could see she realized something.
"I forgot to introduce you two to each other, wait." Peyton got up, wearing her grey hoodie and a pair of black sweatpants. "Lucas, this is Elle, one of my best friends." She said and than turned to Elle. "Elle, this is Lucas, also one of my best friends." The two shook hands, Lucas felt himself getting lost into a beautiful pair of eyes, first into bright ocean blue ones but soon they ended up in the pair of eyes of emerald green ones from Peyton who was standing behind Elle.
"I have to go Peyton. I don't want to get that old lady from the second floor yelling at me because her breakfast is two minutes late." Elle said and rolled her eyes. Peyton laughed, she knew which lady she meant, she almost looked like a witch, that horrible woman, it was a good thing she was rich otherwise she wouldn't be in here.
When Elle had left the room, Lucas took place next to Peyton. "Looks like you're eating for two." Lucas said while Peyton ate like she would die if she didn't. "Don't laugh with me Scott!" She warned him while nipping from her orange juice. "I won't Sawyer." He replied and began to eat.
After a while Lucas suddenly noticed that Peyton was extremely pale. "Peyton, is something wrong?" He asked worried, Peyton could barely keep her eyes open. "Peyton?" She didn't answer. Lucas got up and walked over to her, gently he laid his hand on her forehead. "God, you feel like you're burning." He said, Peyton still didn't answer, she only looked at him. Then he noticed that she was making weird noises, she was trying to say something but somehow she couldn't. Peyton realized it herself and pointed at her throat. Lucas became anxious because he didn't know what she meant and he didn't know what to do. His eyes glided over the table, ended up by her plat and than he suddenly realized that something had to be adhering in her throat.
"Wait Peyton." He said and helped her up, her body didn't cooperate which scared Lucas even more. He forcefully began to tap on her back and managed her to spit the piece of food out. Panting for breath she leaned against Lucas' body, when she tried to walk over to her chair and she almost lost balance, she was lucky that Lucas was just an arm-length away to catch her before she fell.
"You need to lie down." He said and supported her while she walked over to the couch. After five minutes of total silence Peyton broke it. "Thank you Luke." She whispered, her voice sounded hoarse. "You're welcome. But don't do that ever again, you totally scared me." Lucas answered and stroked away some lost curls of her golden hair. A faint smile drew on her face, Lucas also smiled and handed her his cup of coffee. Immediately she shook her head and pulled his hand away, Lucas didn't understood what she meant. "The smell, it makes me stomach twist." She complained. Lucas laughed softly, he remember how Haley and his mom where while they were pregnant. Lucas certainly knew how to take care of a pregnant woman, about the two extremes. The very young ones, maybe too young for carrying a child around and about the ones who were actually a little too old for carrying a child around for nine months.
"Have you an appointment with the genealogist yet?" Lucas asked and took place on the couch. "Yes, tomorrow, just before noon." Meanwhile Lucas had made himself comfortable on the big couch and Peyton's head rested up her lap. The intimacy they once shared hadn't changed, just they way they could act around each other, so innocent but also betraying that there past couldn't be forgot. They both knew that a kiss between them would always last a little too long, just as a hug would be too intense, a word would say too much, a look would be stuffed with old feelings.
They never had a chance to properly put a stop upon their feelings and intentions. It was a sudden wane of what belong to them. The way had been so normal but also unnatural. From two strangers who became people trapped in the early stage of friendship to grow into forbidden lovers who claimed for what was them, to break away from those feelings, hurting themselves more than they would hurt other people, but rather be dying inside because of another who acquisitioned the wrong thing, the thing who wasn't meant to be for her, but she forgot to open her eyes. To fell back into friendship which build to further stages, but never losing this closeness of what you once shared into this feeling of in love. This bound of a relationship which barely had the change to be real.
No, this closeness they shared would never go away, the chances to get rid of it were gone, they would never return. They would never have to, because this was unconsciously what they wanted, never losing this feeling that hold them upon the believe that maybe one day further in time, they would get the chance to return to this once in a lifetime feeling, … one day.
"Do you want to go with me?" Peyton asked while Lucas' fingers played with the messy curls of her hair. "Wouldn't you wait until Pete is back, if you assume he's the father, a firs visit to the genealogist is special when you're pregnant. I don't want to ruin it for the two of you." Peyton rose up. "I just want certainty, Luke." He nodded. "If you really want me to go with you I'll go." He said and tugged some hair after her ear.
Peyton jumped of the couch. "I need to go somewhere, would you mind going with me?" She asked and didn't wait for his answer before walking into her walk-in wardrobe. Lucas quickly followed her. "Where do you need to go?" He asked while leaning against the wood of the door. "Management of Fall Out Boy, I haven't seen Ryan around the last few days and I haven't seen any of the bodyguards since I'm back. I need to know if they are still in New York by Pete, Patrick, Joe and Andy or they are anywhere else." Her eyes flew over her cloths, she groaned when stopped before all her thigh trousers.
"What's up?" Lucas asked when he saw the unsatisfied face of the girl before him. "I don't know what to wear, all my cloths are pretty tight. They just can't found out I'm pregnant, or at least not before Pete is home." She said while she took a pair of white sweatpants and a matching jacket. Then she stood on her toes trying to pick up a box above her, but she was too short. "Damn, where is that stupid little ladder when you need it." Lucas walked into the closet. "What's the matter?" Peyton sighed. "I have this little ladder because some of the shelves are too high for my reach, and probably someone from the cleaning crew has taken it away from here, now I can't get by my stuff." She said irritated. "Wait. Which box do you need?" Peyton pointed to a brown cardboard box. Lucas easily took it off the shelve. "Here." He said and handed it to Peyton.
She immediately threw the cover on the floor and began to search through the stuff. "Got it!" An oversized green/blue T-shirt lay in her hands. 'Fall Out Boy is for lovers! Chicago soft core' was the text on it. "Someone gave it to me, but its way too big." Lucas smiled and went back to his own room when Peyton had told him he had to change his cloths into something more like her.
Ten minutes later stood Peyton stood before Lucas' door. Even with the not accentuating clothing she looked pretty. Her blond curls where forced in a funky ponytail, the colour of the oversized tee went well by the shiny white, her jacket was unzipped, white Nike shoes on her feet, even her bag matched her outfit. She looked so careless but also very stylish. A real celebrity. Lucas felt himself ashamed when he realised he was wearing an old pair of dark blue sweats and white tee and above that his famous grey hoodie, the soles of shoes not far from broken.
Just before they wanted to leave the hotel, the impolite woman Lucas met yesterday ran to them. "Miss Sawyer, is there anything we can do when you're away?" Peyton though, it gave the woman the time to look at Lucas. She was almost in state of shock when she found out Lucas was besides her. Lucas had to control himself, he was about to stick his tongue out when Peyton finally spoke again. "I would really appreciate it if my ladder would be brought back to my closet." The woman turned from Lucas to Peyton. "Which ladder do you mean?" Nervous she tugged on her necklace. "The wooden one with 'PS heart PW' scratched in. It's on the left side just beneath the highest stair." The woman nodded and Peyton walked away but turned around. "I'm also out for lunch. Bye." And almost dragged Lucas outside.
When they were walking through the streets and out of nowhere suddenly there were photographers all over the place. Lucas heard how Peyton sighed deeply and than whispered: "Welcome in my life." He was even more surprised with the fact Peyton grabbed his hand and their fingers laced immediately.
Lucas didn't know how to react at all the people around them, Peyton didn't seem to be affected or surprised by the appearance of all those photographers. It made Lucas nervous, after a while Peyton whispered a few words in his ear. "Ignore them." Was her advice, Lucas tried his best to do it, but it wasn't that easy with all the flashes blinding you.
Lucas was lucky that building were the management had his office was only a few blocks away. Just before they wanted to go in, some guy in his forties almost dived into them. "Why aren't you on tour? Who's this guy? Have Pete and you broken up?" He kept asking, he had a really rough voice, like he didn't do anything but smoke. "I have nothing to say to you!" Peyton screamed and pushed him away, dragging an amazed Lucas with her.
She immediately walked over to a woman who was talking with a several people after a desk. "Peyton." The woman greeted her cheerful, hugged her and than looked at Lucas next to her. "Would you mind to introduce me to this handsome man besides you, darling?" She asked, Lucas felt awkward, this woman could be his mother. "This is Lucas Scott, he was one of my best friends back in North Carolina." The words the woman said as answer escaped him, he was just too lost into the luxury around him. He still thought this was something between a dream and a nightmare. Everything was so beautiful, but Peyton's situation was far from pretty.
He caught up again when he heard the name Ryan fell into the conversation. "Where's Ryan?" Peyton asked, Lucas could tell she was nervous by the way her hands searched his. He knew it was important to support her right now, he was the only familiar person she got, and he was the only person on earth who knew she was pregnant. "Ryan is in Santa Monica, his little sister broke her leg, and you know since Justin's accident he can't lift anything heavy anymore. But he promised us, he'll be back as soon as the band comes home. They were so graceful to let him go, but they know how Justin is." Peyton nodded understandingly but Lucas didn't know why all this different names and locations were twirling around his head. "But Jerry is here, he can stay at the hotel with you if it makes you feel more comfortable, I'm sure he doesn't mind …" Peyton kindly broke her off. "It's his first free week in a year, I can't ask that from him. I just call him with my question."
Again Peyton dragged Lucas along with her, in a dark corner she took her cell phone and dialled the number of someone named Jerry. "This sucks." She said and rolled her eyes, she saw Lucas' not understanding, blue eyes. "His voicemail. Wait a second" She walked over the woman he met earlier and came back two minutes later. "Jerry is at his parents' home, his mom is sick so he went there to look after her."
After another quarter in a little cab, Lucas and Peyton stood before a big complex with apartments. They took the stairs to the third floor, Peyton knocked on a dark brown wooden door, the noise which came inside from the apartment expired and a man opened the door. "Miss Sawyer." He said surprised. "Come in, is there something wrong?" She shook her head. "I'm cleaning up, sorry for the mess." He said shy, Lucas was surprised, the man looked so overwhelming and powerful, he had more muscles than Lucas could ever imagine, and he totally went shy for Peyton. "It's nothing Jerry." She said. "Looks like my room before they clean it up." That caused Jerry to smile. "It's just I'm cleaning up for my mom, she with my dad in the hospital for some tests." Peyton walked closer to Jerry. "Say her I hope she'll get better soon. But why I am here, I have a question, a few months back we were in Las Vegas when a new club opened, do you know which club it was and what was the exact date?" Jerry took a little piece of paper and wrote some things down. Peyton thanked him and said goodbye.
"What was that about Ryan and Santa Monica and someone named Justin and a little sister." Lucas asked in the cab back to the hotel. "It's all a little complicated situation at Ryan's home." She answered. "I'll begin at the beginning okay." Lucas nodded. "Ryan lives in Santa Monica with his little sister, Mara I think is her name and his big brother Justin. Justin was one of our bodyguards, until last year. He had a day off and at night he went to a club and got into a fight and got shot in his left shoulder. He can't work anymore and he was the only breadwinner in their family." Lucas interrupted her. "What about their parents?" Her reply was bitter. "Their parents are cowards. His mother was a pretty woman who wanted to make a career in showbiz, so they moved from this little town in Wyoming to Santa Monica, but she got no jobs until she got an affair with a producer and left her family with that man. Their father nearly lived in the bar a few streets further and he also left after his wife, leaving his three kids alone. Justin was barely twenty, Ryan was sixteen and Mara was only four. Justin knew he had to make a lot of money. Ryan worked in the weekends and all the holidays. It's sad, people who can leave their children behind while they know that the chance they would make it through is small. Until today they never heard something from their parents, they don't know where they are and by now they don't want to know." Lucas felt his stomach twist, how could parents do something like that. "I feel sorry for them." Lucas said, and his angry thoughts about Ryan began to decrease a little.
"Stop!" Peyton suddenly screamed, making the driver almost immediately hit his brake pedal. Lucas looked out his window to see a supermarket besides him. "Wait like ten minutes, then I'll be back." Lucas followed Peyton into the store, she didn't stop until she was on the department with candy. From that department she went to the one where gherkins were. Lucas felt himself an idiot when they got back in the hotel and than see through Peyton's weird tour through the supermarket.
"Seriously? Chocolate and gherkins?" He asked when she was eating that combination, Lucas could feel his lunch and dinner swim in his stomach, Peyton nodded. "That's so gross." Peyton licked her lips. "It's not, it's delicious. Want one?" Lucas shook his head. "No thanks. I'm going to check my e-mail." And walked out the room.
A half hour later Peyton knocked on Lucas' door. Being polite, also not wanting to surprise him by walking in without any announcement, for God he knows he was doing things she rather didn't want to be witness of. She also knew him enough to know he probably wouldn't do stuff like that, but on the other side he had told he and Brooke broken up more than a year ago …
"Come in." His boyish voice welcomed her. He was sitting behind his laptop, making strange faces to Lily who sat on Karen's lap before their webcam. Peyton took place next to Lucas and waved to the webcam, seeing Lily's eyes getting big and waved back, which caused Lucas and Peyton to smile.
"Why are you here?" Lucas asked, but didn't let his attention slip away from the small screen. "I thought maybe you wanted to see a movie with me. It's too early to sleep and I'm bored." She replied while softly letting her index finger ran over the wooden table. "Give me another half hour, than I can say bye to Lily and call my mom and change into something more comfortable." Peyton nodded and left his room.
Lucas took his time to say bye to Lily who unfortunately started to cry again, Lucas hoped it wasn't turning into a habit because it really broke his heart. He felt guilty for upsetting his sister and for his mom who had to deal with his sister now. His mind was interrupted by his ringing cell phone, it was his mom.
Already a half hour passed by since Lucas had promised he'd would watch a movie with Peyton. She got nervous because he didn't show up, five minutes later she decided to check on him. Softly she knocked on his door but there followed no answer, she knocked again but still the only thing that greeted her was full silence. She opened the door and found him sitting on the floor with his cell phone against his
ear, she heard him humming a song. She walked a little closer, hoping to recognize the song he was singing. And she did, the melody of 'Hey There Delilah' settled in her eyes, his soft off key singing filled the space. She was surprised by his little changes in the text, replacing 'Delilah' by the name of his little sister.
"Lily, I can promise you
That by the time that we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame
Hey there Lily
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Lily
Here's to you
This one's for you"
Peyton felt herself weaken inside, he was so sweet, and she knew he did everything for the girl he loved. Peyton didn't know why but a strange but well-known feeling climbed around in her chest, wrapped itself around her heart. Why did she had the feeling she had lost something and it was right in front of her know, ready to be grasped, just one effort away. She could have slapped herself for those thought, she always had the tendency to let herself slip into thoughts she knew she couldn't have, that was pretty clear when she started to think about Lucas when he was Brooke's 'belonging'. These last two years she had forced herself out of the habit, she convinced herself that this was what she wanted, no drama anymore, also it was a little too late for that too.
"Goodnight Lily, I love you lovely, and I miss you." She heard him whisper into his cell phone before hanging up. Peyton began to clap in her hands, frightening Lucas. "God Peyton." He said, his hand pressed to his heart which was beating fast. "You just took ten years of my life." Peyton laughed and walked closer to him. "Nice singing you've got there." Lucas stood up and walked to his closet, opening it, revealing all the things which were inside.
He began to change in something more comfortable and decided one of his old, black Raven shorts and a black tee would do well. Peyton felt the heat inside her boil, a flash of his muscular torso still had this effect on her. He looked handsome, grown up looked good on him. She needed to stop herself because her hands were about to live their own life and would go straight to his torso and the contact would burn a hole into her mind, would burn away her sense and she would dive on him and what would follow would be labelled under cheating.
Lucas needed to do his very best to keep his eyes off the girl before him, her light orange nightdress didn't even reach over the half of her tights. He tried to focus on the red, little adornments on the tiny gown, they began on her neck and went to her … Lucas needed to close his eyes to not look to things he wasn't supposed to look at.
Ten minutes later Lucas and Peyton lay together in the couch, watching 'the Notebook'. He had tried to convince her not to look at that movie, the memories of his mother and Haley during their pregnancy still fresh in his mind. One night they wanted to watch 'Titanic', Lucas knew how emotional Haley and his mom were while they watched movie, and the effect of their pregnancy could be a lot worse. The two women had cried during the whole movie, but Lucas didn't turn it off because it would made his mom and his sister-in-law pretty furious, yes, mood changes. But he learned, never refuse something to a pregnant woman, only if you wanted to be hit with anything.
At the end of the movie Lucas felt how wet, warm teardrops fell on his short. "Hey Peyton, you don't have to cry." He said while softly stroking her hair, her head rested on his lap for the second time today. "It's just so sad." She sobbed, Lucas smiled and let his hand ran along her spine, unconsciously, causing her to shiver. His eyes automatically travelled to her slender legs, her orange dress had crawled up to her panties, Lucas quick looked away, even he knew she was almost asleep.
It didn't take that long before Peyton was fast asleep, very carefully he worked his way out of the couch and scooped her up and lay her in her own bed, bended down and kissed her forehead, he couldn't control himself for a few seconds, dared to kiss her lips. She groaned, his heart almost jumped out of his chest, but she didn't wake up.
Relieved he went to sleep and thought about today and tomorrow, what would bring tomorrow? He fell asleep, not expecting the surprises of the upcoming day.