Chapter 16: Your Contact is in Another Storage Place
Location: IDA Storage Facilities
"Alright, form up, we're here." Jack called out to the surviving squadron. On command, the two motorcycles and surviving cars slowed to a halt in front of the large walled complex. The large metal walls towered three stories high, lined with electric wire to keep out pesky intruders. Inside the walls were miles upon miles of aircraft hangar-sized storage buildings, where the IDA keeps all their spare weapons, armor, vehicles, and rejected t-shirt designs.
(Rick: Ah, here we are at the IDA Storage Facilities, the largest complex of storage buildings in Base Prime, maybe even the Multiverse itself!)
(Slick: Rick, I fucking hate this place. Every time I want to drop off some crap in the ONE locker I've rented out, I get lost for hours! They don't even have a directory to tell you where you are! Who was the architect, goddamn Daedalus?)
(Rick: Well, given the constantly expanding number of factories and groups joining the IDA, more storage facilities are needed to keep their stuff in check. If the information I've been given on the layout of the Facilities, the current size is…)
(Slick: Lemme see that shit… TWENTY SQUARE MILES?! THAT'S THE SIZE OF PROVIDENCE!)
(Rick: There is… a lot of stuff stored here.)
Heart of Steel and their company pushed the gates open to the facility, peering into the miles upon miles of storage buildings. One of them housed Cinder's captive informant, and the Blue Sun mercenaries: Their primary targets. Jack checked his ECHO, pulling up the map of the Storage Facility, although due to some circumstances, the holographic image was distorting.
"Ah shit." Jack deactivated his ECHO and turned to his allies. "We're being jammed. Blue Sun bastards must've hid a disruptor in one of the storage buildings." The rest of the men, including the Minions, groaned loudly.
"One of the buildings?!" Travis moaned. "Didn't you hear what the radio guys said? This place is the size of a city! It'll take DAYS to find the jammer, let alone where the Blue Suns are."
"That's why we got extra men." Jack said, walking over to the Fiends. "We lost a few guys during that Battle Royale back there, but we still got enough to make squadrons. We'll split into two teams: Team A and Team B. Eddie, you and I will be Team A, taking the Fiends with us and looking around for Cinder's contact. Travis, you and the Overlord will take the Minions and find and destroy the jammer."
"No one tells me how to command my Minions." Overlord grumbled, tightening his grip on his mace. "I will search for this 'jammer' of my own volition and Touchdown will accompany me."
"Uh, question?" Travis said, raising his hand. "Why am I working with the Sauron knock-off to find the fucking jammer and you and Eddie get the fun job?"
"Because I hate you, so shut up." Jack said. The two groups split up on opposite ends of the entrance. "Alright, ECHO probably won't work until the jammer is down, so radio us in once the signal is clear. Good luck and watch your asses out there." Travis gave a mock salute while the Overlord simply folded his arms. The two groups parted ways, each on their own life or death mission.
"Let's check this one first." Travis said, patting his hand on the side of the first building they came across. The Overlord nodded, gesturing for his Minions to follow, the two came to the small door into the facility proper. The otaku assassin laid against the wall next to the door and took hold of one of his beam katanas. "Alright, there's probably people in there, so here's what I'm gonna do. I'll take point and sneak in quietly, so that way we have the element of surprise and get the drop on those-."
"URRRRAH!" The Overlord bellowed, swinging his mace wildly and smashing the door down. "Onwards to conquer!" With a rallying cry, the Overlord and his vicious Minions ran through the door and into the building, leaving Travis behind, wondering if Jack really hated him that much.
"So much for element of surprise." Travis said. "Ah fuck it." He unclipped his Rose Nasty blades, ignited them and followed after the Overlord into the building. As expected of a gargantuan storage building, the entire place was filled with tower upon tower of crates, steel or wood, marked or unmarked, large or small, it was packed with tight corridors and limited space. Off in the distance, Travis could hear the sound of the Minions battling, as well as gunshots. "Damn it, you giant metal dumbass." Travis sprinted off to find the Overlord before he could get himself killed, rounding corner after corner trying to make heads or tails of the maze he was lost in. Eventually, he came across the corpse of a human in futuristic blue and white armor with several claw and stab marks all over - Blue Sun. "Well, at least the big guy might be winning." Travis continued his journey, stumbling across more and more dead Blue Sun mercenaries in his path, some beaten, some stabbed, and quite a few sporting serious burns. It took a while, but Travis soon found his wayward companion, hiding behind an overturned crate and issuing commands to his Minions as about twenty Blue Suns took shots at him.
"Slaughter them all and bring me their heads!" The Overlord bellowed, waving his mace above his head. Travis slid across the floor to avoid the red bolts soaring overhead and joined Overlord on the side.
"Hey pal, things going well?" Travis said, peering behind the cover. "Say, were those dents always there?"
"In your own words: Shut the fuck up." The Overlord grunted, slumping a bit on his side. A dark red spot had appeared on the armored tyrant's shoulder, slowly growing and leaking red ichor.
"You got shot?" Travis asked in slight disbelief. "I thought that armor of yours made you invincible or shit."
"Small gaps between plates for movement." The Overlord explained. "It's wyrm leather underneath, so a well-aimed attack can still harm me." He grunted once more, placing a hand to his bloody wound. "One of those Blue Suns got lucky and blasted me with those unusual hand-held magic projectile generators."
"It's called a fucking gun, man." Travis said, chuckling a bit. "One of those future guns that shoot plasma instead of bullets."
"If my good arm wasn't bleeding, I would be bludgeoning you right now." A bolt whizzed by and struck the cover, nearly clipping Travis' hair.
"Alright, you sit tight, I'm gonna take some heads." Travis reignited his beam katana and steadily took to his feet. Before he could go, the Overlord grabbed the fringes of the otaku's jacket.
"Leave one of them alive." he commanded. "One of them will know the location of the jammer Cayman referred to. I will peel him like a grape for information." Travis quirked an eyebrow, but figured it was a bad idea to question the big scary lord of evil. With blade in hand, Travis leapt over the barrier, right into the crossfire and horde of battling Minions and Blue Suns.
"Hey ya futuristic fuckwits!" Travis goaded, his red blades shimmering brightly in his grip. "Let's dance!"
(Recommended music: "Burning Daylight" from the No More Heroes 2: A Desperate Struggle soundtrack)
"GET THAT IDIOT!" one of the Blue Suns shouted, kicking aside a club-wielding Minion. All guns immediately turned on Travis, each loaded with high powered thermal energy bolts that have more punch than an average bullet. This was going to be extremely bad… for anyone not named Travis Touchdown. Twisting his body and taking to the air, Travis dodged the shots with such precision and finesse, he looked as though he was dancing around the battlefield. After narrowly avoiding the shots, he made his move once he heard them start reloading.
"Game time!" He shouted. Sprinting to the first guy he saw, Travis slashed at him with the Rose Nasty blades, the red beams cutting clean through his armor and cutting him down. In in a rapid flow of movement, Travis rolled over to the next Blue Sun and pierced both blades through the armored man's head, using raw strength to rip his head off. "Field goal!" Travis yanked the blades out of the head and punted the severed head at a stack of crates. He got lucky with his shot and ended up knocking a loose box and toppled the whole mess atop four mercenaries. He ran over to a Blue Sun being hassled by Minions and, while the mercenary was distracted, snuck up behind, threw one of his blades up in the air, grabbed the Blue Sun, and suplexed him. The mercenary's head was smashed on the ground, and once Travis stood back up, the blade came back down and stabbed the Blue Sun right through his upturned rear and into his skull.
(Rick and Slick: Oooooooooh!)
(Rick: I don't care WHAT universe you're from. That's gotta hurt!)
After the stylish wrestling kill, Travis realized the Blue Suns had him surrounded. He smirked, feeling ready to pull out a trump card. In his head, he visualized a slot machine, ready to activate one of his secret techniques.
'C'mon, gimme something good.' Travis thought. First slot selected: BAR. Travis clenched his teeth, hearing the sound of guns reloading. Second slot: BAR. 'Just one more, one more, damn it…' Third slot: BAR. 'Bingo, bitches.' A dark aura suddenly enveloped Travis, an air of dread clung to the atmosphere that even the Overlord found disturbing.
(Slick: Oh SHIT! Looks like Travis just entered a Dark Side Mode!)
(Rick: Wow, you actually remembered what it was called.)
(Slick: Of course I'm gonna remember something as fucked up as Travis' randomized powers. Especially when the last one had a stupid name like 'Strawberry Cheese Brownie' or something.)
(Rick: Heh, yeah, wonder what stupidly named attack he's got next?)
"Cranberry Chocolate Sundae!" Travis roared, his voice carrying the ferocity of a hurricane. The dark aura clung to him like a second skin, illuminating the assassin in a shadowy mass, leaving nothing but pools of red and white where his eyes once sat. Everyone stopped dead in their tracks as something that was once Travis Touchdown glared at them. With a hollow laugh, the thing pointed at the Blue Suns and said one word: "You." In the moment it took for anyone to blink, Travis had seemingly cleared the distance between him and the mercenaries and impaled one through the chest. The beam katana was overloaded with dark energy. The instant it ran through the armored mercenary, he burst in a mass of shadows, not even leaving body parts behind. With the body discarded, Travis went on to the next target. And the next, and the next, the bodies piled up. A third, a fourth, fifth, sixth, eighth, Travis slaughtered them all.
(Slick: Rick, buddy?)
(Rick: Yeah Slick?)
(Slick: I take back what I said about the stupid name. That was fucking terrifying.)
(Rick: I hear you on that. That's… going to be in my nightmares.)
Incredible, the Overlord thought to himself, witnessing the horrific carnage. It is as though Touchdown tapped into a hidden evil potential, turning into that savage beast. What surprised him was when a Minion attempted to kill one of the Blue Suns, but the instant it stood in Travis' way, he swung his darkened blade and cut both of them down where they stood. He doesn't seem to be able to distinguish friend from foe in this form… Something to take into account in the future. After watching one more Blue Sun fall to the ground, the darkness encompassing Travis vanished like a roach in sunlight. In a matter of seconds, Travis had killed over fifteen Blue Suns with ease, and yet seemed completely unaffected by it. However, there was just one thing left: one Blue Sun who managed to escape the massacre, and was attempting to make an escape. Not on Travis' watch.
"Last one!" Travis whirled around and grabbed the fleeing Blue Sun, slipping both arms under the mercenary's own in a full-nelson. With great power, strength, and ridiculous pro-wrestling skill, Travis arched his back and slammed the mercenary's head against the floor. "And the crowd goes wild!" As the armored man slumped to the ground in daze, the Minions cheered Travis on as he proudly stood atop several dead bodies.
"Miraculous work, Touchdown." The Overlord said, dragging his mace as a bandage was wrapped around his bleeding shoulder. "Now, allow me to work my own magic." The Blue Sun whimpered in fear as the dark and imposing lord of evil stalked towards him. Blue electrical energy surged from between the Overlord's fingers, his ominous red eyes glowing from the abyssal slits in his helm.
"Oh god, please no!" The Blue Sun pleaded.
"Reveal to me…" The Overlord's ominous voice boomed, shaking the foundations of the storage building. "YOUR SECRETS!" A burst of magical blue energy shot from the Overlord's hand, wrapping around the Blue Sun's head. The man screamed in pain as the magic bore deep into his mind, heart and soul, tearing asunder everything it could reach with its horrid presence inside. Steadily, a halo of white light began to encircle the man's head as his struggles began to weaken, as though his very spirit and will were being drained from his being. Finally, the halo complete, the Overlord deactivated his spell, the Blue Sun fell to the ground in a slumped heap.
Travis stared at the mercenary in confusion and fear. "So… did ya kill him?" He asked. Suddenly, the blue armored man groggily stood up, like a man after one too many drinks at the bar… or a zombie, even.
"How may I serve you, almighty Overlord?" The Blue Sun said, his voice sounding dazed and filled with mirth, as though he were experiencing a wonderful dream.
"Tell me where the Jamming Device is located, Blue Sun." The Overlord commanded, striding over to the futuristic mercenary. "Do this, and I will grant you a reward."
"Yes, dark lord." The Blue Sun hastily said. "Four jammers are located in four different storage buildings, all marked with the sigil of the Blue Sun," He tapped his armor, pointing at the white sunrise emblem. "Each guarded by about fifteen guards, two in LOKI Mech-Suits. The closest one is in the third building north of our position. Does my answer please you, terrific Overlord?" The Overlord seemed pleased about the new information; Travis on the other hand was taking the news… less well.
"FOUR FUCKING JAMMERS?!" Travis shouted, burying his forehead in his hands. "You've gotta be shitting me! Four fucking jammers, and we gotta smash all of 'em?!" He reflexively reached for one of the beam katanas clipped to his belt. "I'm so stabbing Jack in the taint after this shitshow." The Overlord scoffed at the assassin's antics, and instead placed his great armored hands upon the mercenary thrall's shoulders.
"Your answer pleases me, more or less." The Overlord's voice boomed. "Now, to grant you your promised reward." With due haste, the Overlord grasped the Blue Suns' head and snapped his neck. "Release of death." The mercenary fell dead upon the ground, no doubt with a contented smile on his face.
"Yeesh, dark much?" Travis commented.
"I'm an Overlord of Evil, what do you expect?" The Overlord retorted. He glanced over his surviving Minions and waved his gauntleted hand. "Loot the corpses, scavenge the area, and collect all the Life Force Essence you can get your grubby mitts on." The Minions cackled at their orders and immediately began picking at the corpses for anything of value. A few even took the helmets from the Blue Suns and attempted to put them on their heads.
"Life Force Essence?" Travis asked. "What's that? Some kinda HP Power Up?" The Overlord glanced at Travis, unable to express confusion with his helmet on.
"Oh, you cannot see Life Force Essence." the Overlord said. "Only myself and my Minions are capable of detecting Life Essence from the deceased and harvesting it." He held up his Minion Gauntlet, the ominous orange gem shining in Travis' sunglasses. "Minions are made from harvested Life Essence, and the Minion Gauntlet allows me to detect it, as well as control and manipulate my Minions." A Minion walked up to the Overlord and handed him something that Travis could only see as a mass of air. "In fact, a majority of my powers come from this Gauntlet, passed down from generation after generation of worthy Overlords."
"Huh." Travis said, genuinely surprised. "So, all your evil powers and control over these ugly fucks comes from that Gauntlet?" The Overlord nodded. "Right, so if say… I dunno, I were to wear it…"
"It'd most likely kill you." The Overlord abruptly said, tapping the glowing gem on the Gauntlet. "When I say 'worthy Overlords', I meant that the Gauntlet only selects those with pure evil in their hearts. Anyone else attempting to wield it would have their soul completely consumed." Travis gulped audibly, shifting his gaze away from the Gauntlet.
"We wait many year to find Masta that Gauntlet like." one of the Minions said, passing Travis by while toting a pair of pistols it looted from a body.
"Guh, noted." Travis said. "Alright, well, we better start looking for those…" Travis whimpered like a kicked puppy. "Four jammers…"
"I couldn't agree more." The Overlord said, twirling his mace and pointing it at the door. "ONWARDS, TO CONQUER IN MY NAME!" The Minions cheered for their master, while Travis couldn't help but grin. It was like watching adoring fans watching a rock star in action. It would've been endearing if the Minions weren't butt-ugly and the Overlord didn't look like a walking death metal album cover. As they walked out of the building, Travis couldn't help but wonder how Eddie's and Jack's search was going.
"I just wanna be clear on you with this one, Jack." Eddie said, puffing a cloud of cigarette smoke. "This was a terrible idea." Jack simply scoffed, seemingly undisturbed by the looming gigantic robotic mech-suit tearing into their barrier with rapid laser-fire guns while the Fiends engaged in a firefight with the remaining Blue Suns.
"Well, how the fuck was I supposed to know these dipshits had a giant robot suit?" Jack retorted. "Every time one of those fucking things shows up, I'm never prepared."
"I don't think any of us are." Eddie said, quickly popping out from behind cover to strum a few chords on Clementine, zapping a few stray Blue Suns. "I mean… Who the fuck has a giant robot suit on standby?"
"Eh, they probably found 'em in one of the storage buildings." Jack said. "They keep all kinds of shit here. They have an entire warehouse on lockdown filled to the brim with confiscated WMDs." He ducked as a bolt of red pinged off their cover. "Alright, we gotta take that fucking thing out." He glanced out from under the cover, getting a better look at the giant robotic suit that was tearing into their ranks. Sleek metal armor, painted white and blue with the insignia of the Blue Suns, equipped with a pair of high-powered laser Gatling guns on each hand, large stomping feet capable of crushing a man flat (as was evident when they first arrived), and a single cockpit seat, piloted by one of the Blue Suns themselves. And that's where Jack found the opening.
"Figure something out?" Eddie asked, hands at the ready on his guitar.
Jack nodded. "All these military mech-suits have the pilot sit in the cockpit, with only a thick layer of plexiglass or what-have-you protecting them. With just enough force, that glass can break." With a flick of his arm, Jack's chainsaw shot out, revving and ready. "And that's how we take the fucker down."
"Sounds metal." Eddie said. "But how the hell are we going to actually get close to that thing?" All Jack did was tap the side of their makeshift cover and smirk. "That's all I needed to hear. SOUNDING THE BATTLE CRY!" Eddie unleashed a riff on his guitar, sending the power-boosting wave to his allies. Once Jack saw his mechanical arm turn gold, the DeathWatcher wasted no time in picking up the crate and holding it like a makeshift shield.
"RAMMING SPEED!" Jack roared at the top of his lungs, charging forward with furious intensity. Eddie tried to keep up with him, slashing at any Blue Suns that weren't gunned down by the wild Fiends. The mech-suit pilot saw the rapidly approaching crate barrier and turned his guns on it, peppering it with rapid-fire hot laser bolts.
"Shit, oh shit, oh shit," The pilot muttered as he kept hammering the fire-buttons on his controls. Just as Jack closed in, with a single hand the DeathWatcher swung the crate like a baseball bat directly into the mech, smashing it open and spilling out a crate full of multi-colored monkey-themed stuffed toys. The mech stumbled from the blow, and the pilot only had a moment to react in peril as Jack leapt into the air and landed right on the cockpit window, chainsaw revved and shining golden. "OH SHIT!" With a mechanical roar, Jack punched through the protective plexiglass window and ran his chainsaw into the chest of the Blue Sun pilot, tearing his torso to ribbons, while also shredding the delicate machinery behind him. Jack backflipped out of the dying mech-suit, landing clear away just as the robotic body exploded in a shower of sparks and metal.
(Slick: He totally did the hero pose landing after fucking up that LOKI Mech.)
(Rick: I know, that was so cool! Hero pose makes everything better.)
"Okay, THAT was fucking awesome." Eddie praised, yanking the Separator from the back of a dead Blue Sun. Jack simply scoffed and got to his feet.
"How many of 'em are left?" Jack asked, surveying the recent battlefield.
"I think we got one left who got knocked on his ass by that explosion." Eddie said, looking around. "We can interrogate him for the location of Cinder's contact and-." A shotgun blast went off, the two burly men turning and seeing a twitching Fiend clutching a smoking double barrel shotgun in his hands, standing over a now headless corpse and giggling like a lunatic. "Could. We could have interrogated him." The Fiend cackled loudly, unloading another round into the corpse's chest for no particular reason.
"Shit, drawbacks of having junkie raiders for soldiers." Jack grumbled, watching the rest of the Fiends pick over the corpses for anything of value. "Well, we took out some of 'em at least. We'll get a move on and hopefully Travis and Overlord found the jammer and destroyed the thing." The DeathWatcher started walking off, but stopped once felt he stepped on something soft. He looked down and saw he had stepped on one of those colorful stuffed monkey toys, picking it up out of curiosity.
"Rainbow Monkey dolls," Eddie said, kicking a few of the toys aside. "A keepsake present from the whole 'Gameverse Thirteen Darkness' shit-show a while back. IDA got these memento gifts for helping those kids out along with a chunk of Multiverse territory."
(Rick: That was a chaotic couple of years.)
(Slick: Well, at least we got those Dimensional Rebels and perfected the Portable Penance Chambers from that. Plus, those Rainbow Monkeys are dope.)
(Rick: If you start singing the song, I swear, I'm going to-)
(Slick: "Rainbow Monkeys, Rainbow Monkeys, oh so very round and super chunky~!)
(Rick: Oh for fucks sake...)
"Stela probably would've liked this." Jack absent-mindedly said, examining the doll a bit, a tired, sad look in his eye.
"Huh?" Eddie asked. He hadn't heard Jack Cayman, the DeathWatcher and candidate for the Executioners, ever talk somberly before. After a brief pause, Jack tossed the toy aside and put on his stony face again.
"Nothing; let's move on." Jack gruffly said. "Fiends, regroup and move out." The raiders reluctantly complied, joining Jack as he started walking towards the exit. Eddie spared a glance at the toy Jack was so invested in, recalling the look of a man experiencing a long-lost memory the DeathWatcher had on his face. Eddie eventually decided to do as Jack said and move on, the Roadie sprinting off to catch up with the rest of the unit. They still had more work to do and a LOT of ground to cover. Cinder's informant was here somewhere, and all that stood between them were miles of storage facilities and a small army of Blue Suns.
Author's Note: IT LIVES! That's right everybody, Ultimate Tournament is back in business. This was… a difficult chapter to write, not just for content reasons. For you longtime readers, I'm certain you're aware that this story was once written by multiple people and had a lot of heart and soul put into it. Now that the IDA Writer's Guild is disbanded and it remains in my hands alone, I've had a difficult time trying to recreate lost work. Hopefully I've done well enough that you all still enjoyed the read. Just a reminder: The Blue Sun Mercenaries are minor antagonists from the Mass Effect game series. Anyway, keep an eye out for more updates in the future. Until next time, take care, enjoy and godspeed ya magnificent bastards!
~Mal Masque