Author's note: Hi, here I am again. First thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far, you all make me so happy. Also thanks for everyone who read and didn't review … So why this AN? Well, I kind of have a question/request to all of you. You probably all know that my first language isn't English but Dutch and I am only learning English in school. So, this school year is at its end (tomorrow I'll get my grades ) and I am already freaking nervous) and so I can focus more on writing. The last year I have been writing my fics pure on my English feeling and without much thinking about the grammar, so what I want you to do … If there is something wrong in my grammar like tense use, or a fault I keep making and stuff, let me know. If you want to give critic on my writing style and/or aspects of the story. Let me know … I want to spend my summer improving my writing and you all could help me a lot with that. Already thanks, now you can enjoy the chapter. I love all of you … (PS: if you have ideas for the story, let me know!)
The Pros And Cons Of Breathing
"She's waking up!" Her ears heard while she opened her tired green eyes. Peyton felt how her waking mind and slightly painful body tried to mix themselves from two into one, her vision seemed to be only a mixture of too bright colours and too heavy voices, also an unnecessary beeping annoyed her. She winked with her eyes, hoping the blurry mix of familiar dusty blond, ocean blue and plain white could be formed into something or someone she knew inside out. But abruptly the imagine before her eyes changed into intense black, chocolate brown and violet purple won over. "Peyt, baby, how are you feeling?" Her husband's hiding, panicking, voice dripped uneasy into her ear. "Kind of sore." Came out in a strong whisper.
For some seconds, silence extended but soon interrupted by Peyton's voice. "Pete, it's all going to be fine. I talked to the lawyers, we have found a solution which would really force the ones who have our 'thingy' out of using it against us." She said excited. "For every hit our video already got they have to pay us one dollar, for every hit they get in the future they have to pay us two dollars. I know it seems like nothing, but if you know that some sites have more than ten thousands hits already on our video, they will have to pay us some nice cash, sooner or later they will delete our video." And than she suddenly realised she wasn't alone in her room with her husband.
This wasn't even her room, and why were the boys of the band and Lucas with her? The smell, there was something extremely piercing about it. "Why do you guys all look like someone died?" She asked half fake laughing, slightly anxious. Her hands travelled towards her belly, Lucas could hear the clock count down every second until she would feel her flat tummy instead of her growing belly. Realisation went hiding and then at that certain point the doctor walked in. Peyton's eyes went big and Lucas saw it in her green emerald eyes, realisation hit and hurt, confusion burst out.
The movements of her chest became unnatural, and Lucas saw her go into denial, straight denial. Suddenly her world only existed out of denial. Lucas couldn't blame her, he knew it himself how it was. Denial, a pure illusion of your mind to hide away. It had been his second nature for many years, maybe or definitely, still was.
Lucas felt the urge to jump out of his chair and lock Peyton up in his arms, holding her while her world stopped turning but his imaginary plan was stopped by the doctor. "Everyone needs to leave the room immediately." Lucas wanted to protest but hadn't the change. "You have to leave Mister Scott." The doctor said while to nurses rushed into the room. "Only mister Wentz is allowed to stay." He said but it didn't make Lucas move. Then Lucas felt a hand on his shoulder. "Come on Lucas. You need to see a doctor." It was Josh. "But …" Josh didn't let Lucas finish. "Nothing but Lucas, a doctor needs to check your heart." And gently but forcefully dragged him outside the room. "There's nothing wrong with my heart!" Lucas screamed and tried to push Josh away so he could go straight back to Peyton again. "Don't lie in my face Lucas, there's certainly something wrong with your heart. Glenda told me you have HCM, you need to see a doctor." Josh said, keeping his voice down. "The only one who needs someone is Peyton, she needs me now." Lucas whispered harsh, looking Josh in the eye. When Josh tried to move Lucas away from the spot where they stood, Lucas began to run away. He chased through the hallways and didn't realise where he was when he suddenly bended over and gasped for air when his lungs seemed to burn. And he lost track of time.
"Lucas!" He saw how Glenda stood before him with a worried expression on her face. Cars drove by them, the imagine of a parking lot flooded into Lucas' mind. "Come on Lucas, let's get you out of here." He didn't resist and let Glenda backing him up while walking into the hospital again.
"I need to see her, she needs me." Lucas said while he lay down on a bed in the middle of a white room. "You know you can't see her." Glenda answered calmly. The doctor left three minutes ago and Lucas had already said that five times. "You stay here on this bed until the doctor is back with the results of your test Lucas." Glenda answered while she was knitting. Yes, Glenda was knitting, how unbelievable Lucas had found it in the beginning. The redhead was knitting a black scarf, it helped to come through the waiting she said.
Lucas felt a little, faceless monster eating him up inside. When he closed his eyes, he could see the ugly thing ran around and jump around Peyton who cried over her unborn daughter she had lost.
Abruptly the fake silence was broken by the noise coming from Glenda's cell phone. She fished it out of her purse and answered it. Immediately a light discussion buildt up. "I can't come, I am with a friend of mine in the hospital." The person on the end of the call reacted. "Come on, give it a break. He's alone, someone needs to stay with him." The answer on the other side wasn't very appreciated by Glenda. She walked inside the little bathroom of the hospital room.
This was his chance, Lucas knew it. He jumped of the bed and walked outside the door, taking his jacket and cell phone with him. His foots immediately leaded him to Peyton, it was kind of his sixth sense, Peyton and everything about her.
When he approached her room he was very aware of everyone who got caught him and send him back to his own room. He tried to act so discreet as possible. When he looked into her room he saw her resting on the bed, no-one else around. She laid there with her green eyes wide open, her hair messy falling uneasy as a frame around her face. But she wasn't crying like he had except, she did nothing at all, she just laid there, seeing nothing. He was about to walk into her room when he heard footsteps coming closer.
"Why doesn't she cry or anything? I can't barely stop crying about." The voice got stuck into a wave of emotions. "For Roxanne, and she, she can't even let one tear, only tear ran over her cheek." It was Pete's voice soaked in emotion. "Mister Wentz, you know we gave your wife a very strong tranquillizer. It influences her feelings, I hope you realize your wife is in a lot of pain without them and her body and mind are going through a major trauma right now. The tranquillizer makes her partial numb, we want first for the worst pain she has to fade." He paused to take a breath. "We want to give her body some rest before the realization of what she had lost strikes her down. We don't want your wife to have the same reaction as this morning, it will take serious efforts for her to accept her loss and fight through the trauma it left." Pete nodded and the doctor continued. "The drugs we gave your wife are pretty strong, and the only one in his type. The influence it has on the emotional and physical side varies from person to person, I assume it has a strong effect on her because she is thin and it kind of overflows her a little more than people who are bolder."
Lucas saw how Pete's face got from already upset to totally drown under into the darkness of his unhappiness. And for a second, Lucas could feel sorry reaching out for the husband of the love of his life. But still Peyton was the love of his life, and now his eyes were stuck on that beautiful girl, broken girl. How she laid there, motionless and the evil monsters of her darkness laughing with her, again! How could she ever trust someone or something again? He asked himself. Now, now when everything went well for her, for the first time in her life, what had she done so wrong in the past that the punishing never stops?
Punishment. The tempting side of punishment, that side got to Lucas. His hands began to itch by the thought if he could punish someone, someone who had harmed her. And he knew who had hurt her, hurt so bad, the reason she was now here, in a place she hated so very much.
The anger speeded through his thin veins, the speed picking up when he saw a nurse going inside her room and tried to make any sort of contact with Peyton, but she didn't react, rejected everything from this world and hided away in her endless dark world, just laid there, with wide, open, lifeless eyes.
The imagine of her falling to the dirty ground, screaming in pain flooded back in Lucas' mind, he knew who he had to punish. And the one definitely would be punished by Lucas himself.
His legs began to run while his vision got lost in the imagine of a tall, unattractive men, a face of terror, the devil himself. Lucas didn't know how he managed it to run from the hospital until an old building somewhere in a dirty street, somewhere far away from the fabulous side of Chicago. Panting he leaned against a near broken door, his heart was burning and pounding against his chest but when he remembered why he came here, rest wasn't an option, he wouldn't rest until he had done what needed to be done.
He whacked through the door and found immediately what he needed when his eyes flew over the room. His footsteps echoed on the dark brown wooden floor. A several pair of eyes flew up, to see who ruined their enjoyment. It wasn't the only thing Lucas would ruin. If they only knew …
There he stood, the monster, he was laughing with some lame joke one of his companions just had made. When he saw the threatening figure of Lucas coming closer, he didn't seem to remember him. But when Lucas' blue eyes seemed to pin him up against the wall, a trace of recognition pierced through his eyes.
"Where's your pregnant wife, tough boy?" The boy joked meanly and heartless. "Peyton is not my wife!" Lucas immediately reacted. "Hey boys, someone is in big trouble, this pimp says his favourite whore got knocked up, who's hooker is Peyton?" But before another word could even be spoken, Lucas shoved him against the wall. "Ey, calm down pimp!" But Lucas didn't let him call himself a pimp two times, his fist flew out and met with the nose of the man before him.
"Don't call her a whore!" He warned. "Come on, that's what she is! A pretty whore who got knocked up!" This time Lucas fist met the guy's left eye. "Not so aggressive!" But none of the other boys didn't dare to mingle themselves into the fight, trying the help their 'friend'.
"Do you remember at which concert you were yesterday night?" Lucas asked icy, but didn't relax his grip on the collar of the black tee the boy was wearing. "Fall Out Boy, deu!" He answered pretty arrogant. "And what makes Peyton and Fall Out Boy?" Lucas asked and pushed him harder against the wall when he didn't answer. "I don't know dude! She's probably a psycho stalker of Pete, like many others girls." He answered. "Wrong answer." Lucas answered on his turn coldly and also the guy's cheekbone couldn't escape on Lucas' rage.
"Maybe Peyton Sawyer does say something more!" Lucas hissed. "That's Pete's wife." A voice of another boy took flight. "Wait, isn't she pregnant?" And those words made Lucas' rage speed up and pump into his fist. As an insane one he began to punch the evil man everywhere he could, no place was saved from Lucas' anger.
It didn't take long before someone dragged Lucas from the other man's body. Through the blurry vision of his eyes he could see that the man was bleeding from his nose and lips, also his left eye was swollen already, he painfully sat on the ground, a hand pressed into his stomach. "He." Lucas whispered harsh, the other boys came closer, looking life threatening because of their bodyguard looks. "He." And he pointed at the miserable figure before him. "He made Peyton lose her baby." He pushed out, a few tears came along. "He made Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy's wife lose her daughter." Lucas found his heart ripped into more than hundred pieces. "He killed Roxanne!"
And when that was said, pure silence had broken through. Nobody dared to say something, they all seemed to hold their breaths. Lucas shrank, preparing for all the punches he probably would increase, but they didn't come. Through the tears in his blue eyes, he could even see the confusing, disappointment and regret on the faces of the other boys. Lucas stood up, pushed away the tears of pain and sorrow, straightened himself, held his head high and spoke such as words without hesitation of regret: "This won't be your only punishment, son of the devil." And he walked away, leaving it all behind like it had never happened, and no-one dared to chase even after him.
When he finally made it back to the hospital, he got caught even before he could reach Peyton's room. Josh tackled him before he could even open the door of her room. Josh took Lucas in grip so he couldn't move. "Are you insane, leaving this hospital, playing dangerously with your own health?" Lucas was about to get another shower of criticism when Glenda appeared and made Josh shut his mouth. "God Luke, are you okay?" She asked frightened when she saw the blood on his forehead, a small but deep, bleeding cut was visible. She touched it and Lucas stifled a groan. "That are going to be stitches." Josh assured Lucas.
Sitting on the doctor table, Lucas found himself painfully embarrassed when a doctor was giving him stitches. "Tell me again how you got this." The doctor half asked, half demanded. "I got into a fight with someone." Lucas said on a low voice, his swollen lip was aching too. "Who exactly?" Josh asked, who was writing everything Lucas said down. "The guy who punched Peyton yesterday and made her …" And the other words got stuck in his throat, didn't even needed to be spoken, Josh knew what he meant. "And how did you get this wound?" The doctor asked on his turn. "I don't know, I think the guy was wearing a ring or something." Lucas answered quietly and looked to Glenda who was knitting again.
"You realize how foolish your actions are?" Josh asked, but more demanded. "Yeah, but I needed to punish that son of a bitch for what he did to Peyton." A nurse came in, holding some papers. The doctor read them quickly and then looked back to Lucas. "I think we need to do your tests over again, since your little adventure from today. We also can't take any risks." Lucas sighed and rolled with his eyes. "It's your own fault Scott." Glenda stated without looking away from the black scarf. Lucas nodded, knowing what he had done was maybe reckless, but it also satisfied him, knowing he had hurt the man who had hurt Peyton, hurt her really bad. "You also have to stay a night for observation, for the wound on your head and one of your tests isn't that good-looking at first sight. I'll wait to see what the next results say but you are staying here Mister Scott, without any excuse." Lucas didn't complain or anything like everyone had expected, he just sat there, hided away in himself, somehow glad he would be so near to Peyton tonight.
Lucas laid on the bed in his room, the sheets covered him, he needed to rest, the doctor had said that, and Glenda sat the side of his bed, knitting but also holding an eye on him. Not many words were spoken, they didn't had too, Glenda saw in what shape Lucas was, she had already slipped unnoticed under the surface of his personality and had been swimming around in his brain, collided on his longings, she knew it, he loved Peyton in another way than just a friend.
A sudden knock on the door surprised when Josh came in and leaded a young blond girl into the room, Elle. "I heard what happened Lucas, I feel so sorry for Peyton." She ran to the bed and embraced Lucas who was noticeable shocked by Elle's unexpected presence and activities. "I can't get to her because they won't let me, I wanted to leave, but then I heard about you. Are you okay Lucas?" She asked, suddenly as innocent as a two year old. Lucas nodded without making any sound. "Well, Josh and me are going to eat something, since you've got company now. We'll be back in an hour." Glenda said and kissed Lucas on the cheek. His blue eyes thank Glenda without words, also Josh who took his girlfriend by the hand.
It was a quarter after Glenda and Josh had left and Lucas hadn't exchanged more than ten words with Elle, she just sat besides his bed while he looked at the ceiling. "Can I come lay with you?" She asked sweetly, her voice was barely more than a whisper. Lucas found himself helpless but a sudden emptiness showed up from a corner into his mind and found his place in his aching heart. "Yeah." He answered vaguely and Elle climbed into the bed, cuddled up against him.
This was weird, he thought. He even didn't know Elle that long or that good, and he just let her do this, something that was very intimate for them both, especially for Lucas who really hadn't found that much trust in Elle yet. Maybe, through this girl was entire different than he thought. Lucas knew from himself that he only got intimate with people in a very short time or with only a little acknowledge of them if they were special people, people who someone deserved to break through the walls of his defence, caused by his father, he only knew three people who had done that before: Haley, Peyton and Anna. What was so special about Elle that she could settle herself in his heart without any resistance of him? Lucas began to think, but soon he couldn't fight against the tiredness anymore and his eyes went shut, the shades behind them making him fell into a dream world.
Lucas felt sore when he woke up the next morning, he was about to roll over when something blocked his way. His blue eyes flew open and registered the attendance of a young blond girl slumbering against his chest. Elle.
Lucas was confused and tried to remember what happened the night before, his memory began to work very slowly, giving Lucas the access the spade in his memory on a very unhurried pace. Finally he remembered and by the time he could even think it over again Elle woke up to. His eyes should have been awful because Elle stumbled over her words. "I am sorry Lucas. But you just were so peacefully sleeping, I just couldn't wake you up. I should have, I'm sorry." Lucas smiled a little. "It's okay Elle. You don't have to apologize."
After he was discharged from the hospital, Lucas decided to try again to get to Peyton. He walked into her room and she lay in the same position like yesterday. Pete sat beside her, he was softly talking to her but she didn't react. His eyes were red from crying, Lucas saw how he still was fighting against the tears which were threatening to come out of his brown eyes.
Lucas leaned against the wall and watched Pete while he whispered soft words, while his left hand hold one of Peyton' hand and his right hand caressed her face. Lucas could see the desperate look on Pete's face when Peyton didn't react on anything. "Come on Peyt, please say something." He whispered while letting his fingers ran across her cheek. "Peyt, baby, I know this is ..." He swallowed difficult. "But I need you, baby, I love you Peyt, we'll get through this." But then he began to cry, it was heartbreaking to see, Lucas couldn't help it and felt sorry for him, for the very first time felt genuinely sorry for him.
At that moment Patrick, Joe and Andy walked in and immediately went to Pete. "Come on Pete, you need to get out for a while. You have been here all night and day already." But Pete shook his head. "I am not leaving my wife guys." He answered and looked at the motionless Peyton before him. "We talked to the doctor, he says we can't do anything to help her now, if she won't let any of us in, we can't force her." Patrick said. "Yeah Pete, we all love Peyt, we'll be back in a half hour, just come eat something with us." Joe continued. "It's going to be okay Pete, just give her some time to let her heal the worst pain on her own pace. You know how difficult it is by yourself, she'll come back to you, to us when she's ready. She always has." Andy finished.
For the first time in a while Pete looked away from his wife and faced his three band mates, sparkles of hope shinned on their face. Pete thought, thought deep and hard but then nodded. "Not longer than a half hour guys." He said, he gently pressed his lips on the lips of his wife but she didn't react. Disappointment and somehow hurt he stood up and walked over to Lucas. "Watch her while I am away." He said quietly and without any announcement embraced Lucas. Lucas first stiffened in unexpectedness but when he felt the hurt of the man who embraced him, he accepted it. "I will Pete." Lucas reassured and Pete let go of him. "Thank you." He whispered and rubbed the upcoming tears out of his brown eyes. "Thank you so much." Then he left with Patrick, Joe and Andy.
Lucas decided to take place on the chair where Pete had been sitting. He took Peyton's hands in his and watched her while her chest moved up and down. "You know Peyton." He began after a while. "Take all the time you need to heal this indescribable pain, know we will always love you, Pete and the boys, your dad, everyone back in Tree Hill and I, we will always love you, we'll help you through this because you deserve the people who love you." Lucas guaranteed her. But her eyes remained lifeless, and the movements of her chest kept the same, her lips didn't even move, she just lay there, like in a coma but with eyes wide open.
"For what it's worth Peyton." Lucas continued after considering leaving it there. "Yesterday, I went to punish 'him'." And … suddenly her green eyes flew up in gratefulness.