Where the past comes back to life
Fight fear for the selfish pain
It was worth it every time
Hold still right before we crash,
'Cause we both know how this ends
A clock ticks 'till it breaks your glass
And I drown in you again
'Cause you are, the piece of me,
I wish, I didn't need
Chasing, relentlessly,
Still fight and I don't know why
If our love, is tragedy,
Why are you my remedy?
If our love's, insanity,
Why are you my clarity?
Clarity
I cried myself ragged. After that conversation with my father I was almost certain I would have no more tears to cry. However once I got to my room and thought about the impossible situation I found myself in, my no more tears mantra went out of the window.
I rolled into John's arms desperate, needing anything to take my mind from the past, present and future thoughts circling my head like a damn tornado of regret, hurt and despair.
I basically attacked him, still sobbing. My lips found his hungrily. My hands were already moving to the button down shirt he was still wearing, slipping off buttons.
John took my wrists in his hands, his eyes seeking mine out. He held me until I stopped moving, his voice soft and gentle. "Nicole, stop." He said, watching me.
My voice cracked, a sob escaped. "I need you. I can't handle this. Make me forget." I said desperately. I needed him, I needed to simply live in the moment just me and this one man. I leaned forward biting his lip, then darting out my tongue to soothe the sting. He never opened his lips to mine.
Still holding my wrists, he pulled me back again, "No." He said quietly.
I rocked back on my heels. "No?" I questioned. I looked at him incredulously. Is this man really turning down sex, ready and willing sex? What the hell is wrong with the world? I mean Christ he might as well have slapped me.
My eyes narrowed. I was suddenly furious. "What am I all of a sudden not good enough for you?" I questioned, my voice low and mean. "It was good enough for you when you put me through a wall only two days ago. I was good enough for you when you fucked me senseless in the garage!" I snarled, jerking my hands away from him.
"Now you can't touch me because you've finally realized what I let those sons of bitches do to me. You've finally realized that I enjoyed every fucking minute of it." I swallowed hard. I couldn't believe the things that were coming out of my own mouth. I couldn't believe that I actually had so low an opinion of myself.
I lowered my voice an octave taking on a husky and seductive quality. I leaned in next to John to whisper into his ear. "I'll let you in on a little secret, the part I enjoyed the most was the blow jobs. Apparently I have a velvet throat." I hated myself in that instant and fought for the second time that night to keep down everything I'd consumed.
John swallowed convulsively.
"What? You want some too?" I asked him. "It's like the only thing you haven't gotten out of me, why not?" I smirked.
I trailed my hand down his chest, to his belt buckle. He grabbed my wrist in an unbreakable grip. When he met my gaze a cold hard fury sparkled back at me. Meeting my own loathing and self-hatred emotion for emotion.
"Nicole," John said warningly at me.
"What? Do I disgust you? I have to, how could you think anything else of me?" I asked, anger flowing through me.
"You don't disgust me." He said, but his eyes were still furious. "You didn't ask for this."
"Yeah, but oh how I enjoyed it. Every little shudder…every touch. My body betrayed me John! How am I supposed to feel? Do you know how hard it is to separate that from what was taken from me? I don't even know where to start!"
"You start separating it by opening your eyes when you make love to me. You feel my touch, you listen to my words." John answered.
"I can't do that if you won't touch me!" I said my voice rising and becoming pitchy.
"I'm not going to let you use sex with me just to numb the pain." John said sharply, a warning edge to his voice.
"Then do it to help me feel something, anything." I begged. Needing him.
He swallowed obviously having issues with this bizarre conversation. I saw something change in his eyes, the way he looked at me. "Ok, but you set the pace - you're in complete control. Whatever you need, it's your choice." John said simply, his eyes still glittering strangely. Is he crying? I thought absently, then pushed the thought away, I needed this I needed him.
I lowered myself from the bed to the floor, my hands going to the front of his jeans and opening them.
Surprise hit me when I realized he wasn't hard, he was nowhere near ready for this.
I wrapped one small hand around his shaft, giving an experimental tug down to the base. I was rewarded with a slight tightening sensation in my hand as John stiffened. Curiously I leaned forward and blew a trail of warm air along the length of him. He got even harder.
A slight half smirk crossed my face, as I licked my bottom lip. John was watching me quietly. He didn't even look like he was breathing. His growing erection twitched in my hand, and I leaned forward on my knees, to swirl my tongue experimentally over the enlarging tip.
"Get up." John's voice tight and demanding with need startled me and I jumped.
I pulled myself away from him to glance questioningly up at him. Fear and confusion written all over my face.
He reached down to me. "I'm not going to hurt you." He said gently. "I need you to come up here with me. I won't have you on your knees, below me." He said softly trying to make me understand, he wasn't trying to reject me. He was trying to respect me, put my needs and emotions first.
He gripped my upper arms softly, pulling me to my feet, as he moved backwards and lay back on the bed. I used this moment to ditch my night clothes. John also shed his clothes, then lay back on the bed.
My breath hitched in my throat as he circled his own erection. He gave a long firm stroke to the head of his shaft, I noticed how one finger brushed the underside of the flared head and his eyes widened in ecstasy.
I was mesmerized. I lowered myself onto the bed next to him, and he turned his head to the side, kissing me hungrily. "Teach me." I whispered softly, not able to raise my voice, if I did the spell would be broken again. I would be broken.
I moved my hand underneath his, and he circled my fingers with a firm grip. A grip I would never have thought to take on him myself.
Once our combined hands had reached his head, he curled my index finger to swipe again across the underside of him. My nail caught him and I stiffened, I'd hurt him.
His entire body jerked his hips surging forward off the mattress. He moaned. "Again." He demanded.
I flicked my nails and the pad of my finger across him again, and he moaned, crying out.
I scooted down on the mattress, so that I was level with his groin. He guided my hand to the base of his erection, while I flattened my tongue over the broad tip. I opened my mouth to accommodate him.
I flicked my tongue all along the shaft taking as much of him as I could into my mouth. What I couldn't take, my hand worked, pumping him applying pressure to his ground out instructions.
"More." John growled, after a particularly hard suction. I grinned around him, the unshakable John Winchester was trembling in my mouth and under my hands.
I lowered my mouth over him again.
He tightened below me. "Use your teeth, gently." He said a desperate edge to his voice.
I pulled up sharply off him. He moaned at the loss of contact. He fisted himself, applying even more pressure around my hand, both of us stroking him, keeping pace, while he taught me what he wanted.
"Are you sure?" I questioned my voice hesitant. He growled, nodding at me. His free hand took mine, bringing my index finger to his mouth. His tongue touched the tip of my finger ever so lightly before bringing it into the warm heat of his mouth, then I felt the light grazing of his teeth. Liquid pooled between my thighs, my hips bucked involuntarily.
"Gently." He reiterated.
I lowered my mouth around him again, gently testing the amount of pressure to apply.
I heard him hiss. "A little more baby just a tiny bit harder." I complied, my teeth tightening gently around him.
"Oh God, Nicole. Don't stop." Nothing in this world could have made me stop. John's other hand moved to the back of my head, fisting in my hair.
"Deeper baby I need you to take me deeper." He groaned. His hand in my hair held my head still, while his hips thrust sharply up into my mouth.
When he hit the back of my throat, I fought to keep myself relaxed. Then sensation was making me want to gag and bringing up some of my worst moments.
I panicked. His words that this was all at my pace, my choice fading under the crushing memories coming back to me. I fought to stay in the present, to remember it was just John, and he would never hurt me, but I failed. I tried to pull back, but his hands held me in place and I felt him enter fully into my mouth. The sensation pulled me under and I lashed out, pushing him from me with a whimper.
"No," I said coarsely, falling back onto the bed, and scrambling away from him once my feet hit the floor. "No, no, no!" I frantically tried to escape the tidal wave that was going to hit, to run and get out of its way, but it was just too big, and there was nowhere to run.
"Nicole!" John's hands were on my arms and I flinched, trying to pull away. He held me firmly against him, I fought him, kicking and hitting, scratching, clawing, biting my way free. He held me more firmly, stepping as close as he could into me to keep me from being able to run from him.
"Baby, come back to me, open your eyes. See me." He pleaded desperate to break through my memories.
I whimpered, whined and begged to be let go. I was sobbing, the tears were back again, and I just collapsed against John, all the fight had left me. I was exhausted.
He picked me up as though I weighed nothing, his arms tender and caring as he gently carried me back to bed. He tucked us in together, gently cradling me as though I were a small child instead of a fully grown woman.
I burrowed into him, seeking shelter for my shattered mind. I shook against him, getting as close as I possibly could. Practically crawling inside his skin with him.
With John Winchester I was safe, cherished, protected…. Loved. Even when I was such a wreck I couldn't think straight. I didn't have to pretend to be something I wasn't because he saw me at the absolute lowest points in my life and he still wanted me.
He shifted slightly, drawing his hips away from my body, and I instantly became aware why. "I'm sorry." I whispered, softly.
"Don't you dare be sorry!" He said fiercely bringing my gaze up to meet his. "I'm a grown man not some kid, I'll be fine. Right now just let me take care of you." He said quietly.
I snuggled into him and cried myself to sleep, with John watching over me.
May 4th, 2002 ::19:30
Sunset Motel, Athens, Ohio
John's POV
I was looking for a new case while Sam, Dean, and Beth were out getting something to eat.
My phone rang. "This is John." I answered.
"Yes sir, I'm looking for John Winchester." A woman's voice questioned.
"Yes ma'am. How can I help you?" I said not having time for bullshit.
"Mr. Winchester my name is Katherine Monroe. I'm an ER nurse at Avera McKinnon Hospital. We have your daughter as a patient here." My heart dropped and the color drained from my face. Beth!
"Why has she been taken to the hospital, what's happened? Was there an accident? I'm going to kill Dean!" I questioned my mind immediately going to something Dean had done.
"Sir, I'm afraid I cannot give you that information over the phone." I rolled my eyes and sighed into the phone.
"Where the hell is Sammy?" I demanded gruffly, needing to know my family was together.
"Mr. Winchester they only brought in one woman, a young girl from the University of Sioux Falls." She said explaining.
Sioux Falls. I suddenly realized who we were talking about. "What's happened to Cole?" I questioned next as the door opened and Beth, Sam, and Dean walked in. I had a moment of relief before worrying about Cole.
"You got it. I'm coming." I said cutting off her earlier reply about not being able to tell me over the phone. I snapped my phone closed.
The kids were shooting me confused looks as they were pulling out burgers and fries. I reached for the sack all that was left in it was my food.
"I got a bead on a case another hunter needs help with. Nasty poltergeist. It'll take me a couple of weeks, we just had a good run with this ghost, why don't you guys just relax and unwind for a bit. I'll call you from the road." I said turning on my heel and stuffing weapons and clothes into my bag. I was trying to stay calm I had a sixteen hour drive ahead of me, and it wouldn't do Cole any good for me to come in a complete wreck.
"Dean." I turned back to him. "While I'm gone I expect you to keep an eye on your brother and sister. Don't get crazy kids." I said to none of them in particular. "Bethie, keep an eye on them and don't kill each other before I get back. I'm counting on you guys to pull together."
Sam protested. "Dad what's going on?" He said questioning why I was suddenly leaving.
"I got a call from Caleb, he's found himself a nasty poltergeist. I'm gonna go help him out with it, while you kids lay low." I said sternly while hugging Beth and kissing the top of her head.
"Yes sir." Dean and Beth responded while Sam looked like he was going to protest again.
"Sam." I said cutting him off. "I don't have time for this I've got to go." I said disappearing into the bathroom and gathering the last of my things.
He sighed. "Yes sir."
I strode to the door and turned back to my children. "Be safe and don't do anything stupid." I said and turned walking out into the evening to my truck.
May 5th, 2002 :: 06:00
Avera McKinnon Hospital, Sioux Falls, South Dakota
John's POV
I pushed my way through the emergency room doors heading directly for the first group of doctors and nurses I saw.
"Excuse me." I said as one of the nurses turned away, "I'm looking for my daughter, Nicole Singer." I said playing up the concerned father figure. I didn't have to try very hard.
"You're daug - Right come with me." She said at first showing confusion then an odd display of compassion and sympathy touched her expression. She lead the way to a private room out of the way of the usual hustle and bustle of emergency room traffic. "Wait here for a moment. I'll make sure your able to see her."
The nurse entered the room with a brief knock on the door, and turned shutting it behind her.
A moment later the door opened again revealing two uniformed police officers. They stepped past me without a word. What in the hell was going on here. I pushed the door open and walked into the room. Cole was lying on her back staring at the door with a desperate, terrified expression on her face.
When she saw that it wasn't her father she collapsed into a round of sobs.
"We'll give you a moment," The nurse said softly to me, as she and another woman made their exit.
I crossed the room to Cole's side, closing my arms around her and holding her tightly to me. "Why are there cops here Cole? What's happened? Why didn't you have them call Bobby?" I questioned as soon as her sobs quieted to tears.
She tipped her head up to look at me. "John you can't tell Dad please! I'm begging you just don't tell my dad." My eyes narrowed in confusion and irritation at not knowing a damn thing.
"Dammit Nicole I just booked it here in eleven and a half hours, for you. On the word of a nurse who said you were in the hospital but wouldn't tell me why. I won't tell Bobby, but you'd better start talking." I said sternly to her, she was breaking my heart. She looked so fragile and terrified but for the most part she looked okay.
I was so confused she didn't look injured. Why the hell was she in a hospital, why the hell were the police involved?
"I was out with my friends at a party, and we were drinking. I didn't drink much I don't think the alcohol has even showed up in my system yet. But…" She was cut off as the door opened again to reveal the two uniform officers from earlier.
"I'm sorry Mr. and Ms. Singer, but we really need to finish getting your statement." The taller of the two officers said. His name badge read Bryant. Someone had better start telling me what the fuck was going on. I was getting more irritated by the second.
"Would you mind giving me a minute alone with my father, so I can at least tell him what happened before you start prying for details?" Cole hissed turning hostile eyes on them.
I simply raised my eyebrows turning a pointed gaze on them.
"I apologize ma'am but our shift has almost ended and we've waited the entire night for your father to get here before you would tell us anything." Officer Bryant said belligerently.
Fury sparked through me. "I have just driven a sixteen hour drive in less than twelve hours. I was called up by a nurse telling me I needed to get here pronto, no one has bothered to tell me a damn thing and the moment I get to the one person who will tell me what is going on," I said glancing at Cole. "You interrupt us and refuse to leave us alone. Now get lost or do I need to take your badge numbers and contact your superiors?" I questioned threateningly.
"No sir that won't be necessary." A new voice said. I was looking at an average height man with a stocky build and a small woman.
"Did I just hear correctly or were you refusing to leave this young woman alone so she could speak in private with her father?" The woman questioned of the two uniforms. Bryant narrowed his eyes at her.
"Detectives Patterson, Cannon." He greeted through clenched teeth.
"Outside now." She snapped at them both.
The four police officers left the room once again leaving me alone with Cole.
I turned back to her with a slight smile, concern evident on my face. "So I'm your old man huh?" I asked hoping to break the obvious tension.
Cole smiled a watery smile up at me. "I'm sorry I didn't know who else to call. I can't tell my dad not yet I just need a few days to wrap my head around this." She quieted, her gaze shifting to her legs. "I really wasn't expecting you to show up."
"You call I come. It's always been that way, Cole don't ever hesitate to call me. For any reason." I said softly to her, the memories of the last time I'd seen her on my mind.
"I know but the way that we left things. What I did…I-I'm sorry." She said, apologizing.
I cleared my throat last thing we needed to do was get into that. "So why did you call me?" I questioned. "And this time you're gonna tell me no dodging, no changing the subject." I said sternly.
She lowered her gaze again, biting her lip. "I was at a party, with my boyfriend."
I kept my face strictly neutral, of course she'd be dating she's a young woman that is about to graduate from college.
"We… we, uh." She paused, clearing her throat. "Went upstairs to an empty room, when…" She closed her eyes fighting back tears again.
"When two more men walked in, some of his friends on the football team." God no. Not Nicole. I kept quiet. I knew her well enough to know that if I interrupted her she would chicken out and wouldn't tell me that last tiny bit of information.
"They took turns keeping me pinned, while the third," She trailed off, smothering a sob.
A black boiling cauldron of rage started in my stomach. My hands were shaking, I crossed my arms, straightening my posture, pushing aside my emotions so I could deal with this. So I could be strong for Cole.
"I couldn't move. I couldn't fight back, I just froze!" She said wiping desperately at the tears forming again.
I sat on the side of the stretcher, scooting her over and stretched out next to her gathering her to me. "Don't you dare! This is not your fault." I said forcefully to her. "You are not to blame for this."
Present Day, August 4th, 2002 :: 05:00
John's POV
Cole was moving against me. I heard her mumble something, pulling me firmly out of the memory of our past where she was broken, fragile and terrified. I glanced down at Cole sleeping in my arms. I brushed my fingers through her blond curls. She shifted quietly in her sleep, turning on her back.
I turned onto my side kissing her temple as she shifted again. My hand found its way to her stomach, tracing small circle's on the smooth skin around her belly button.
"John." She sighed softly in her sleep. Then she squirmed again, finally waking up.
She rolled and glanced at the clock. "Oh five hundred. Christ today is going to be a long day." She said drowsily. I resumed tracing light barely there circles on her stomach.
"Mmmm. That feels amazing." She said softly. I leaned down, pressing my lips below her ear.
Her quiet gasp ignited the slow smoldering burn of arousal. My fingers trailed lower, finding her wet, ready and pulsing with need.
I leaned forward and swallowed her moan with a kiss. "Last thing we need to do is wake everyone." I said teasingly. I slipped a knee between her legs keeping her body open and ready for mine.
"I don't think so." She said determinedly "I am so going to finish what I started last night." She said as she surged forward pushing me onto my back with a sudden burst of strength.
I let her flip us, only we didn't meet the bed again. There was a slight lull of time where my stomach dropped. Then we both hit the floor still locked together.
A thud sounded from below us on the floor. "Dammit Cole how about you shut the hell up. Some of us are hungover!" Dean shouted from below us. I laughed softly, I could only imagine him picking up a boot and launching it at the ceiling. My son was definitely not a morning person.
Cole laughed lightly, smiling down at me. I leaned back on my elbows content to just watch her.
She ran her hands down my chest and abs, almost like she was committing every scar, muscle, and ridge to memory. She leaned forward pressing hot kisses down my stomach. I groaned when I heard my phone going off.
I located it in my discarded jeans and sat on the edge of the bed facing Cole. She looked disappointed at the distraction.
"This is John." I said irritated at being interrupted. Cole glanced up at me with a pitiful pout to her perfect bow of a mouth. Damn she had lips that were perfect for biting.
"John, hey it's Chris Walker. I got that Chupacabra nest back over here that needs to be taken care of, and I'm laid up with a broken arm, so I won't be able to be of any use." I raised my eyebrows at Cole as she crawled towards me, her heavy breasts swinging invitingly with the movement. I closed my eyes, desperate to focus on anything but her at the moment. The job came first.
"Yeah the kids and I can be up there within the next five hours." I said attempting to give them some time to get themselves presentable and ready and focused on a hunt. They had after all had a rough night.
I jumped when I felt Cole's mouth around my cock. I raised my eyebrows at her, when she looked up to meet my gaze. 'I'm on the phone.' I mouthed at her. She simply smirked running her tongue along the underside of my dick. I couldn't help the involuntary thrust of my hips.
I narrowed my eyes at her, and she just lowered her gaze as her mouth and hands pumped me.
When she raised her gaze to mine again she had a devious sinful glint in her eyes. 'Stop.' I mouthed at her. She simply shook her head and resumed her ministrations. Good God, if I hadn't known last night was her first experience with oral sex, I would have believed she'd have been preforming this act her entire life.
I struggled to focus on what exactly Chris was saying. Something about needing an extra man for the job, he knew I'd have a four man team and Cole had come along last time so we'd had six, however we'd need another man today, since Chris was out of commission.
"I uh, I'm pretty…I think I have another man in mind Chris." He was trying to discuss a hunting approach with me. And at that moment I couldn't have cared less. Cole had introduced her teeth. I struggled to keep my voice in the vicinity of a normal pitch and not just moan, hiss and curse in this man's ear. I'd given up attempting to keep from thrusting into her mouth.
"John, are you okay man? You sound a bit off." Chris said hesitantly. I couldn't answer right away. Cole had me so deep in her mouth I could feel the muscles of her throat constricting around me, and she wasn't having a trigger or a flashback. Thank God for amazing miracles.
I almost groaned into the phone as another wave of ecstasy hit me.
"John?" Chris's voice was now quite concerned.
"Yeah, I'm here Chris..." I said breathlessly, trying to keep everything on an even keel even though I was far from calm. "I'm ok, I need to go though...so I'll see you in uh... goddd... 5 hours?"
Chris sounded a little confused, especially at the groan, but agreed and hung up. I looked down at Cole who was circling me with her tongue, I wanted to nibble at those lips long and hard.
"What the hell baby?" I ground out through clenched teeth. "I was kinda on the phone." I said, not really mad how could I possibly be mad at her.
She raised her eyes to mine, and it looked like she was attempting to say something, only her mouth was a bit full at the moment and the vibrations she was sending down my cock had me arching off the bed.
I shut up, trying to keep my moans to a minimum, what had I just said about not waking up the whole house? I already knew Dean was awake – but I shoved that thought far from my mind. He really didn't need to know what I was up to right now.
My head hit the mattress and I tried to grab hold of something. I quickly reminded myself not her head and instead grabbed at the headboard, clutching at the wrought iron bars. I arched, again as she changed it up again, this time sucking long and hard, and it was just what I needed. "Oh yeah," I groaned softly at her, encouraging.
Cole seemed much more confident in her position, and I slipped into the receiver. She needed very little guidance at this point, I tried to keep from thrusting too much, allowing her to control the pace, the depth, the pressure. It was perfect. She surprised me by cupping my balls and squeezing softly as she kept me in her mouth, bearing down and sucking, her throat constricting around me.
I bit my lower lip hard to keep from crying out it felt so amazing. I settled for some moans and a subtle arching of my hips to her. Everything started to tighten, and I felt the telltale rush as everything surged through me. With a couple more sucks I jerked and felt my release come, throwing my head back and groaning softly. She teased me a little longer, it was tortuously good and I thought about how I was going to return the favor to her when I had more time, a wicked grin coming to my face.
She crawled up onto the bed, settling into my side. "So who was on the phone?" She asked innocently.
07:00
Cole's POV
John and I got dressed in relative silence, both our minds on the chupacabra hunt. Well my mind was kind of on what happened after the chupacabra hunt we'd had back in March.
I pulled on a pair of jeans, and a few shirts opting for a layered look since I had no clue how cold it would be outside.
"You're wearing too many clothes. I won't be able to get them off of you quick enough, you know if you get injured." John said with a devilish glint in his eye.
"On the brighter side of things. Plenty of fabric to tear into bandages, and if you actually need to use them, you will be able to order me to take my clothes off." I said smirking.
We were making our way down the stairs when John stopped a few steps lower than I was and turned to face me. He wrapped his arms around me pulling me close.
"You have absolutely no idea how much of a turn on that was." John said looking up at me suggestively.
I scoffed. "What getting hurt in the middle of a hunt? Wow you really are a masochist." I said cheekily.
He buried his face against my neck. He inhaled deeply, pulling me into his lungs. "How do you do that?" He asked quietly.
"Do what?" I questioned softly.
"You can make me forget. All of a sudden I'm not a man whose wife has been dead for nineteen years I'm just a man. No past, no future, just you and I. Until the sun comes up and reality sets in." My breath hitched. John didn't display emotion as a rule, so when he did, I knew he needed comfort and security. I pulled him to me and kissed him, pouring everything I had into that kiss. All the compassion, love, happiness, and warmth I could muster.
I pulled away from him, and he smiled a small smile. "You just don't want me to order you naked." He said quietly.
"Well there's that too, I don't wanna give poor Sammy a thrill." I said rolling with the mood change. I stepped down closer to him.
"Come on, you big softie." I said kissing him chastely on the lips. "Let's go kick reality's ass!"
I reached the bottom of the stairs first, having stepped in front of him to make sure no one was around for him to leave. I glanced out of the doorway of the spare bedroom. The light was on underneath the bathroom door, and Sam stepped out fully dressed, while John brushed past me on the way into the spare where Beth and Dean were, alone.
Shit! "Oh, I'll tell you what I want, What I really really want, So tell me what you want, What you really really want" I belted out practically screaming it. John whirled around hands up ready to defend himself. When he saw me dancing and singing at the top of my lungs he relaxed a bit but he was still looking at me like I was insane.
I danced and jived my way in front of him, hopefully dancing well enough on my own that I was a good distraction. As I barged my way in on Dean and Beth still singing the chorus of the Spice Girls hit Wannabe, they broke apart, I made a quick motion with my hand to separate, while glancing back at John, who still hadn't even made it to the door yet. It had been so long since Beth and I had to use our secret code to stop whatever we'd been doing that I'd basically forgotten it, so I was improvising.
The minute I hit their door, I dove right into the middle of them, still singing at the top of my lungs. They had been closer together than I anticipated and as I turned onto my back I accidentally elbowed Dean in the face.
Beth shoved away from me giving me some more room so I wasn't basically laying on top of them both, and looked at me like she'd like nothing better than to peel my hide.
I grinned at her. Dean grabbed me from behind his arms locking mine to my sides, and rolled me over the top of him, and onto the other side of the bed. Then the asshole shoved me out of the bed.
I grunted when I hit the floor for the second time in only two hours.
"Hey jackass!" I griped.
"Dean." John said warningly, standing in the doorway.
"What, the crazy cow dove right in the middle of the bed I was sleeping in." He said, glaring at me.
"Well it's a good thing you're up anyways. We have a chupcabra nest we have to go hunt down, I'm gonna go and fill Bobby in and see if he'll join. Chris is laid up with a busted arm so we'll need another man." John explained at Dean's inquiring gaze.
"What? Nooooooo!" Beth groaned, grabbing her head and pulling a pillow over it, whimpering a little. John looked at her with a raised eyebrow.
"Sore head baby girl?" He said with a bit of a chuckle. Beth just grunted at him. Dean groaned and lay back against his pillow.
"You'd think we could have just one day off from this damn job!" He said.
John smirked. "You did, it was yesterday, and the pair of you clearly made the most of it. Now get up, it's time to work!" He turned and left the room making his way back down to my dad's room.
"Dude what the hell were you doing at five AM?" Dean questioned as the three of us made our way down to the kitchen.
"I kinda fell outta bed." I said with a small laugh to myself. If only he knew who really fell out of bed.
Dean rubbed a hand over his sleep deprived face. "Well keep it down next time. I think you kept me up for hours." He said moving to the fridge and rummaging for the chocolate pecan pie.
I shot Beth an incredulous look which she totally missed because she had her face buried in her hands. Yeah right if anyone kept him up for hours it was Beth, although John and I should have a discussion about lowering the volume.
"Hey that's my pie!" I said hotly. I leapt to the table as Dean turned away to get a fork. He whirled back around.
"Touch my pie I'll stab you with a fork." He said warningly, holding the fork in front of him like a knife.
"Stab me with a fork, I'll dismember you with a butter knife." I snapped, no way in hell was he getting my pie.
Dean paled and looked down between his legs a little worried, he actually moved in behind Beth, as if for protection. Big baby.
Beth semi roused at that. "Hey! I'm gonna need that one day!" She said and I smirked at her, Dean grinned.
"Gonna need what?" John said as he came into the room. None of us answered him, I chuckled at Beth who buried her face back into her hands, and Dean just stared at the tile on the kitchen floor. "Oh pie." John said, hurrying over and scooping the pie plate out from under Dean and I, whilst simultaneously plucking the fork from Dean's hand and digging in.
We looked at each other in horror. "That was our pie!" Dean said.
We'd never seen a chupacabra pack before in North America, the odd sighting being of individual creatures. However, for whatever reason, South Dakota had developed a pack, and they bred like rabbits. Six months ago on Spring Break, I'd joined John and the kids to hunt this pack when Dad was laid up with a bronchial infection. I'd enjoyed the time alone with them, everyone seemed to relax a bit more without grouchy Dad around, besides he and John were always fighting over who was Alpha dog. There wasn't any doubt who the Alpha was in my mind, and he was driving the truck ahead of us.
Beth was sitting in the back of the Impala with me looking like the cat who got the cream. I shook my head and turned my gaze to Dean, who was sitting directly in front of Beth. He kept glancing in the mirror at her, a slight smile on his mouth. It kind of made my heart melt thinking it was about time these two figured it out. Sam of course was oblivious as always, tapping away on his laptop writing an email or something.
I turned my thoughts to last Spring Break, and the hunt we also had before us.
The chupas numbered eight. Eight massive blood-sucking beasts. They originated in Central America, or so the legends seemed to indicate, but they'd been seen all through both North and South America over the centuries. They looked like nothing I'd ever seen before, moving on four legs, green or grey leathery scales covering their body with sharp quills running down their spine. Two massive fangs helped them to gouge their prey and they would drain a victim in no time at all. They originally favoured goats, which was fine until they started killing the staple food of the people of South and Central America. Then the violent attacks that ensued to ensure the survival of the food source led the chupas to become aggressive against humans, and when that happened and they got a taste for our blood – they'd been after it ever since.
The woods south of us led into a canyon where Chris had tracked the pack to. He was looking a bit nervous about bringing two girls along but John swiftly dismissed it, handing a rifle to Beth who checked that it was loaded and slung it over her shoulder with a nod. At least we knew how to kill them, and it wasn't some fancy silver stake through the heart on a blue moon in the sign of Pisces nonsense – straight out bullets worked just fine. I checked my own rifle and smiled, excited to be going on a hunt again. Too much study and no play had made me a very grumpy girl.
I couldn't help but stare at John, the way his muscles moved under his jeans and hunting jacket. He was deliberate in all his movements, methodical and self-assured. My mind went to what it would be like to have those deliberate movements turned to a more intimate setting and I had to close my eyes to break the image. I wasn't supposed to be feeling what I was about the man, he was twice my age! But the heart wants what the heart wants, and it really wanted John Winchester right now – well something did at the very least, I wasn't completely sure it was entirely my heart's desires involved here as I squirmed from my thoughts.
"OK, let's get this show on the road." John said. "We shoot to kill, don't hesitate, and we don't leave anything alive." Everyone nodded and John paired us up. Chris and Sam, Dean and Beth, and I was with him. My heart jumped a little at the thought, but then fell just quickly realising I'd have to really concentrate now and keep my head in the game. Lives were at stake.
We moved off into the woods, splitting up to take flanking positions down the canyon. I followed in John's footsteps, keeping my eyes peeled out ahead of us. He came to a ridge and paused, taking his rifle out and using the sight to zoom in on where the creatures were supposed to be.
"Nicole…" he said, turning to me. I grimaced.
"It's Cole." I corrected him and he smirked at me.
"Cole isn't a lady's name," he said, staring at me with those dark brown eyes.
"Maybe I'm not a lady," I quipped, returning my own smirk.
"Could have fooled me," he replied, his eyes travelling the length of my body, pausing on some of my curves. His tongue snaked out to lick his lips and I gaped. Did John Winchester just check me out? I licked my own lips, unsure of what to say in that moment.
"What?" I said. He looked at me confused and I sighed.
"What did you stop for?" I asked again, this time clarifying the question, with a slight smile playing on my lips.
John visibly pulled himself together, and turned back toward the ridge. "There's a den down there, about two clicks away, on the side Dean and Beth are at. They're almost there, we're going to need to circle around and come down from the North." I nodded and realised that meant we had to move, and quickly.
He had a way of moving through underbrush that left me in awe compared to my own failed stealth – I was rusty from years in college and not enough hunting. Several times I nearly tripped over a stray branch or jarred my ankle in a rabbit hole. John caught me a couple of times and the mere proximity of being close to his body was driving me a little batty. I didn't know when I'd started feeling like this, but it had hit me fast.
We came to a stop almost dead in front of the den. I caught sight of Dean and Beth, directly above it from the ridge, they hadn't seen the den yet because it wasn't in their line of sight and this presented some danger. They were being cautious, but they didn't have all the information either. I used my rifle to look around through the trees, catching a glimpse of Sam and Chris to our left, moving slowly through dense underbrush.
John used a penlight from his pocket to get Dean's attention, shining it in his eyes. The younger Winchester looked quizzically at him and John gestured silently with hand signals, pointing to the den below them. At that moment a chupacabra came out of the entrance, meandering into the sunlight. Dean pushed Beth back a little and they positioned themselves behind a boulder.
Chris and Sam had reached the treeline and were free of the underbrush. We could see them indicate to us that they were ready. John felt around in his knapsack and pulled out a couple of grenades, I swallowed, looking at them.
"Take it out," John said and I nodded, sighting the chupa with my rifle. I took a deep breath in and let it out slowly, pulling on the trigger. The chupa fell to the ground with a grunt, I'd shot it directly in the head. We paused, but the noise hadn't alerted any other creatures to our presence. John moved into the clearing, crossing quickly. He took the two grenades and pulled the pins, tossing them into the den and running back to me. A few seconds later there was an explosion and the den spat out dust and disgustingly enough, a few body parts from the unfortunate chupacabras in there.
"Let's go," John said, moving forward. Everyone was on the move, closing in on the den. Beth stayed up on the ridge, eyes peeled for any unexpected visitors that might come in from another direction. Pulling out a flashlight, Chris led the way into the den and shone it around. It was cramped, only enough room for a couple of people. Dean followed him.
Suddenly there was a yell and Dean came tumbling out of the den, a chupa on top of him. He yelled again as the chupa bit down hard on his shoulder. John moved instantly, pulling a handgun from a holster at his thigh. There were shots fired from inside the den and Sam raced in after Chris who was calling for back up. Beth had her rifle sighted on Dean and the chupa but it was too close for her to take a shot.
I had my own hand gun out and was backing up John who pointed his point blank at the head of the chupa now gnawing on Dean. He pointed the barrel away from Dean and pulled the trigger without hesitation. The chupa fell dead to the ground.
"Ahhh," Dean groaned, grabbing at his shoulder. "Son of a bitch!"
I raced to his side and pulled off my shirt, pushing it against the wound and applying pressure.
"You'll be ok you big baby," I said to him with a grin and Dean glared at me, grimacing from the pain.
Chris and Sam came out of the den looking a bit bloodied but unharmed. Chris nodded at John who stood up and went to join them.
"Is that all of them?" John asked.
"Seems to be, the one that jumped Dean makes eight," Chris responded with a nod.
"Right, well let's get him out of here then and to a doctor, I want that shoulder looked at." John said.
Back at the medical centre, John found me out by the car, pacing. I was wearing nothing but a thin tank top and it had turned a little cold. He pulled off his own flannel shirt which he was wearing over a t-shirt and came toward me. I froze as he stood in front of me, bringing the shirt around and slipping it up over my arms. His hands brushed over my shoulders as he settled the shirt on me.
My breath caught and I stared up at him, he licked his lips again and it was my undoing. Grabbing his face in my hands I pulled him to me, my lips meeting his in a surprise attack, my tongue trailing along his lower lip, tasting him as he groaned and leaned into the kiss, his tongue coming to meet mine.
It was over in an instant, John pulling back with a conflicted look in his eyes.
"No," he said quietly.
"What?" I asked, frowning.
"We can't Nicole. You're half my age, you're my best friend's daughter, if things were different then maybe. But with the way things are, no." His words said one thing, but his eyes were saying another.
"So?" I asked, not understanding the issue. What did it matter? Older people got involved with younger all the time. Look at Hefner.
"I can't, Nicole, I'm sorry." He said turning and walking away. I shook my head. It was the same old story with him, ridiculous rules that stopped people from following their heart. If he knew how many times I'd heard Beth say that to Dean because she knew John would be so angry at them for following their feelings, he'd be shocked. I was shocked now. Shocked that he even felt anywhere near what I was feeling, and shocked that he was refusing to do anything about it.
My thoughts returned to the present. Chris had phoned earlier and said there'd been more attacks that looked like chupacabras.
"But we killed them all," Sam said, looking out the front window.
"Yeah well, we must have missed a couple," Dean muttered, looking frustrated
We arrived at Chris' looking like we were ready for war there were that many rifles and ammo boxes sitting around. John was checking and triple checking a rifle, loading it up. He handed it to me with a stern expression.
"I've checked it, but you should never assume I have, do the checks yourself too." He stated, his hand brushing mine lightly as I took it from him with a nod.
Dad was loading ammo into his hunter's vest, and the three kids were doing their own safety checks on weapons. Sam was bright as a button, looking around him, ready for the day. Dean and Beth were lagging behind a little, looking sorry for themselves. I saw Dean hand Beth some aspirin and she took them gratefully with a smile, washing them down with a drink of water. Dean followed suit.
It was interesting to watch them sneak in little touches here and there when John wasn't looking. Something had definitely shifted in their relationship yesterday, and I liked it. It gave me a little hope, besides, they deserved to be happy.
"Right, Dean, you're with Bobby. Beth you come with me," John said before looking over at me. "You pair up with Sam," he said and I nodded.
Chris was standing nearby with his arm in a sling, looking pained that he was going to be missing out on the hunt.
"They're about ten clicks over the ridge," he said to John. "They seem to be on the move, I found their den but they'd abandoned it days ago. Six of them from what I could tell, the bastards reproduce quicker than humans, that's for sure." John nodded.
"We'll finish the job, don't worry." He reached over to the back of the truck where something was lying in the tray covered by a tarpaulin. He pulled it back with a flourish and I saw a deer lying dead, a few flies buzzing around bullet wounds.
"This time we bring them to us," he said.
We took the truck, the four of us kids in the back with the deer. We crouched, holding on to the sides and keeping our balance. John drove us in a large circle around the part of woods that Chris had last seen the chupas in. There was a fire access road which served to get us to a section of land where we might actually be ahead of them.
Dean jumped down when we arrived and started to pull the tarp off the tray, deer and all, Sam pushed at it from up top. Beth looked a little green at the sound of the deer squishing when it hit the ground, and closed her eyes, taking a few deep breaths. Man, how much had she had to drink last night?
She pulled it together and we both jumped down, collecting our rifles and closing the gate on the tray.
"Couple of clicks in and we'll set up," John said to Dean with a nod. Dean and Sam took the tarp at a corner each and started dragging the deer into the woods. Beth was talking to Dad and checking her rifle.
"You up for this?" John asked me quietly, I nodded at him.
"Yeah I'm good. I'd be more worried about her," I said to him, looking at Beth. "She kind of had a hard night," I grinned at him.
John looked amused and even smiled. "She's not the only one, but she'll be ok, that's why I'm taking her with me," he informed me.
"She drank more than me and you're not worried about her? Why the worry about me?" I asked angrily, narrowing my eyes at him.
"You know why," he said sternly. "Beth didn't stay up half the night having flashbacks and doing… other extra curricular activities." I smirked. Wouldn't be so sure on that last part, I thought.
"I'm fine!" I insisted and he nodded with a half-smile.
"Good." He said simply and turned to look at Dad and Beth.
We followed the boys into the woods, they'd made good headway with the deer, but it was hard going with all the underbrush around. Sam and Dean were bickering about the best way to move it, nothing new there, and I chuckled. Winchesters. They were always either fighting or loving, no in between with this lot.
Dad indicated a clearing he thought would work for the plan, and told the boys to put the deer in the middle. He took a large hunting knife and sliced open the deer along it's stomach, the intestines spilling out, blood seeping to the earth. It smelled rank.
"All right, get in position and watch your backs." John ordered us. We moved to three separate areas, spreading out to wait.
There was a howling noise that came up from the North, like listening to whales, only not underwater. It was almost melodic, but the creature making it was anything but peaceful like a whale.
A strange clicking noise sounded to the left of us, and I positioned my rifle, watching as one of the chupacabras moved into the clearing. It sniffed the air and then moved forward toward the deer. John was holding his hand in the air to indicate we should wait before attacking.
More clicking and five other of the creatures moved into the clearing too, we waited breathlessly as they honed in on their food, seemingly none the wise for us being there.
I trained my gun on one of the creatures, and when they reached the deer I saw John's hand fall, giving the signal to attack. I pulled the trigger and the chupa dropped dead to the ground. The others all dropped too, except for one which managed to avoid being a target. A few bullets whizzed by but it moved quickly when it realised it's companions were dead.
It crashed into the underbrush nearest him, straight for John and Beth. I panicked, standing up and running toward them. The creature jumped Beth and she rolled to the ground with a bit of a yelp, throwing the chupa off her. John pulled a handgun out and shot it three times, the creature fell to the ground dead.
Suddenly I realised I was out in the open, I'd just reacted when I saw the chupa go for John. He turned to look at me with frustrated eyes. Sam was staring at me, flabbergasted. That's when I saw it. Another huge chupacabra moving up behind Sam and I was his back-up. Damn!
I started to sprint back at him, shouting a warning but I wasn't close enough. The chupa pounced, landing on Sam's back and he yelled as the claws of the creature raked across his back. He fell to the ground and the chupa bit him in the shoulder. I stopped, trying to sight the chupa and I pulled the trigger, but the gun jammed. Damn!
Throwing it to the ground, I pulled a knife from my pants and I ran, faster than I had ever run before. I tackled the chupa head on, rolling to the ground with it. It snarled and raked it's claws along my thigh and I groaned at the searing pain. I was trying to bring the knife around to slash its throat but my arm was pinned by the creature's other claw.
Sam was trying to reach his gun, but he was moving slow. Suddenly a few gunshots rang out, the chupa fell to the ground dead beside me and I breathed a deep sigh of relief. John was standing over the top of me, furious. Beth was by Sam's side, grimacing at all the blood, pulling her jacket off, then her t-shirt and pressing it to his back.
"Get up," John ordered me, practically hauling me to my feet. "What the hell is wrong with you?! Do you have a death wish?" His eyes flashed at me, angry. "You never leave your partner, not for an instant. You don't let your emotions get in the way! You stick to the job!" His words stung as if he had slapped me and I flinched, he paused.
I looked at the ground, embarrassed heat rising in my cheeks. "I'm sorry," I said softly.
He lowered his voice a little, and leaned in to me. "I didn't bring you out here just to lose you to some damn beast! You let your guard down and got distracted, what the hell were you doing out in the open? Your partner was Sam, you should have been watching him."
He spun on his heel and went to Sam who was groaning from the pain. He looked pale and clammy. I looked at my own leg, it was just a graze, nothing too deep.
"Sammy?" John asked, kneeling down beside him. "You're gonna be ok son."
John sent Dean and Beth ahead of us to the medical center with Sam to get his back attended to while he, Dad and I made sure there were no more chupas around. John was determined not to have a repeat of this incident.
"Bobby can you help them get Sam to the car, and check that end of the canyon for any other stragglers? I'll take Cole and head up the other end," John said. Dad nodded and moved to help Dean with Sam. Beth took the lead, handgun at the ready in case there were any more attacks.
With a stern glance, John passed me his handgun, and stalked off across the clearing, leaving me to follow him. The cuts to my leg were painful, but I ignored them, determined not to show him how bad they were.
When we were out of hearing range of Dad, we came to a stop. John spun around, running a frustrated hand through his hair. "There's nothing out here, I'm certain we got them all. But you and me, we need to talk." He said through gritted teeth.
"Ok." I said nervously, chewing on my bottom lip and lowering my gaze here comes the ass chewing. "I … but... wait.." I said cutting him off as he started to speak again. "I'm sorry, I know I messed up but I panicked."
"Damn straight you messed up, you can't afford to let your feelings for me or anyone else get in the way. You don't have time to panic, what the fuck were you thinking Cole?" He sighed hard at me. The fact that he was back to using my nickname instead of Nicole wasn't lost on me.
You're so stupid, you just about got your entire family killed. I kicked at a tree, and grimaced at the pain it caused my thigh where the chupa had gashed me.
"Cole." John said warningly.
I spun around hands up. "What?" I practically shouted at him. "What the hell else could you possibly say? I get it! I'm stupid, I'm useless, I nearly got your son killed!" I stopped and looked at him. "Here's what I don't understand, I had the situation under control, Sam was out of harm's way why didn't you just let it finish me off?! You could have saved all of us a massive amount of trouble." I snarled at him. He just didn't get it I was dead already.
"God dammit Nicole. I get it for Christ's sake, if there is one person alive on this earth who understands what you're going through it's me!" He snapped back his anger rising even in direct proportion to my own.
"Every single day of my life for the last nineteen years I've been dead inside. You've felt the same way for what three or four months? Big deal! You want to kill yourself? Go ahead! I actually thought you had more balls then that. You suck it up and you move on!" He licked his lips and scowled at me.
"I had a reason to move on, my children needed me and when I felt things were getting to the point they weren't needing me anymore, Beth came to us giving me another reason to keep going. Then three months ago the same thing with you. I'll be damned if I am going to watch you destroy yourself whether you want to slit your wrists, take a whole bunch of pills, or get eaten alive by a chupacabra." John said angrily. He was breathing hard, his face flushed.
A wave of sorrow and guilt hit me, but I'd spent the last few days crying I refused to cry now. "I'm sorry." I said stepping forward. John took a step back from me, avoiding me, angry. "I'm sorry John. I'm sorry." I took a few more steps forward, this time he didn't back away. He was staring at the ground not meeting my eyes. I raised my hands to his face, he raised his gaze to meet mine. "I'm sorry." I repeated again.
John said nothing he simply nodded at my apology. I hoped accepting it.
"Come on," he said softly. "I'm sorry too, you just scared me, I couldn't bare if anything were to happen to you."
He wrapped me in his arms and held me for a few minutes, I listened to his heartbeat begin to settle into its usual steady rhythm. The pain in my leg started to throb, and I grit my teeth, tightening my arms around him. He noticed, and for the first time seemed to realise I was hurt. He hissed at the blood soaked jeans I was wearing and sighed at me.
"Let's get that looked at, come on." The rest of the walk back to the truck was in silence. We met Dad on the way, who reported he hadn't found any further tracks or evidence of chupas that might have escaped.
I only came out of my thoughts when we got to Chris' house. Dad went ahead to fill Chris in on the hunt and the results. John sat me in the truck with the first aid kit, pulling down my jeans so he could get at the wound on my leg. They weren't that deep, I could get away without needing stitches, but it stung like a bitch when he wiped the alcoholic swaps over it to clean it up. I hissed a little and he looked at me sympathetically.
"Big baby," he said with a grin, repeating something I'd said to Dean a thousand times over. He worked methodically at soothing them over, adding some antiseptic cream, and then covering with gauze and a bandage. I wasn't sure if it was the medicine or his touch, but I was starting to feel better already.
When we made it back to the house I didn't even bother going in. I headed straight for the gym. I still felt worked up and angry at myself.
I pulled on my gloves, taking a swing at the bag, not even bothering to counteract the crap my brain was spitting out at me. I deserved it all.
I landed punch after punch, kick after kick to the bag, and none of it was easing my frustrations. I turned jerking off my gloves and tossing them to the ground.
"Nicole." John said coming into the shed. I looked back at him, not sure what to say.
"Talk to me, tell me, what was going on inside your head out there?" John said.
I licked my lips nervously. I wasn't good at this whole bare your soul shit, I was kind of like Dean in that department, as much as I hated to admit it. "I didn't want you hurt." I said quietly. "The last few days have been so emotional for me, I quit thinking like a hunter, and I guess I've been relying on instinct for the most part. Well, and..." I trailed off sighing. This sharing shit sucks!
"What?" He prompted softly, questioning what I was leaving out.
I sighed again raking a hand through my hair. " I..." I trailed off again, avoiding his gaze. I sighed rolling my eyes. "I... I've noticed that whenever you're around I tend to rely more heavily on you. Almost like your holding me together. I think... I..." I turned and took off across the training mats. He wasn't letting me get away that easy. He caught my arm swinging me back to around to face him.
"What?!" John asked me, pulling me closer.
"Nothing ok." I snapped trying to pull my arm out of his grasp. "Just forget I said anything."
"No," he snapped. "What the hell were you fixing to say?" He asked, breathing heavily.
"Nothing dammit." I said avoiding my own thoughts like the plague.
"Dammit you are just like Dean, you're shit at expressing any type of emotion. You'd rather cover it up with anger, fury and fighting," John said to me, letting me go.
"Yeah well, better that than being completely blind to the feelings other people are holding. You are so far in denial about anyone around you John Winchester it's amazing you can't see the damn Pyramids of Giza!" I said furiously.
"What are you talking about?" He asked, confused look on his face.
"You want to talk about Dean and me? We are both in love and you can't even see it! You're so blind!" I said to him, regretting it as soon as it left my mouth.
"Wait, you're in love with Dean?!" John spluttered. I stopped and looked at him. Huh?
I snorted at the idea. "No! You idiot! I'm in love with you!" John just stared at me, and I bit my lip, taking a few steps back, unsure of how he would react.
All kinds of emotions flicked across his face and I wished I could take it all back, go back to the start of the day – a do-over.
John grabbed my arms, jerking me into his body I gasped in shock an elated thrill running through my body. He claimed my lips in a deep intoxicating kiss. His teeth closed hard over the sensitive skin on the underside of my lip, and I tasted blood. John and I both broke apart with a groan. Dare I say it my knees actually felt weak?
"Did you really have to bite me?" I asked breathlessly. He chuckled and nodded.
"Well I gotta mark my woman." He said in his husky voice. I shivered.
"I like that... your woman," I said with a smile.
"You are," he said quietly, looking at me seriously. "I can't lose you too. You're the only thing that's been able to bring me back to life." He said simply. When he met my gaze again tears were shining in his eyes.
"Without you I would have been dead a long time ago." I said quietly. "I need you." I said, meaning it.
He smiled, and then kissed me again. This kiss was different to the others we'd shared over the last few months. It was sweet, there was no anger, no despair, no passionate desperate need or hunger.
It was simply two people seeking comfort and protection from a shitty reality.
And then reality bit us in the ass.
"Nicole…" My dad's voice trailed off as I sprang backwards, like I'd been electrocuted. I swung my head around facing my father with a classic deer in the headlights look. "What the hell?" He snarled swinging his gaze from John to me and back again.
Shit. We were so fucked!
"Dad. What did you need?" I asked trying desperately to play things off like he hadn't just seen his only daughter and his oldest friend kissing.
"I need to know what the hell I just saw!" He roared at me. I flinched, tears pricking my eyes for the millionth time that week.
"Daddy, it's not what you think." I said trying desperately to keep the tears from falling and at the same time calm my father down.
"Really?!" He ranted. "Because I think I just saw my oldest friend kissing my twenty four year old daughter!"
"Twenty three." I corrected automatically, not realizing the part I should have been correcting was the kissing part. Crap. That just made things sound a whole lot worse.
My dad was so red in the face, I wondered for a minute if he might stroke out. He just whirled and stomped and raged his way back to the house.
I hurried after him crossing to the entrance of the small shed before I realized John had barely moved.
I reached back to snag his arm. "Let's go Winchester. You're all 'I'm gonna protect you'. Nice way to show it by letting my dad murder me." I snapped, dragging him along by his sleeve.
My heart was pounding a million miles a minute, by the time John and I had caught up with my dad he had reached the front porch and was making his way into the house. We followed him into the library.
"Dad please just let me explain!" I tried again while he was looking for something, basically ignoring me.
"Why don't you Cole? Why don't you explain why in the hell it appears that my best friend is a little too comfortable with my daughter's body?" He snapped at me.
"You don't understand." I said quietly, unable to make myself explain anything.
"Your damn right I don't understand. Tell me John," He said turning to face John who had been eerily quiet during this whole damn argument. "Tell me how long have you been fucking my daughter?" He questioned, his voice silent deadly. I flinched at the crude words falling from my father's mouth in regards to me.
I glanced back at John, waiting for the reply that would attempt to smooth things over. It never came. Instead John crossed the room in two strides, hauled off and punched my dad in the face. "That's your daughter, you're talking about like that Bobby." He said a quiet rage fueling his words. "I may be a lot of things and I have certainly fucked up more times than I can count but I will NOT let you disrespect your own child like that."
"Hey!" I protested. "I'm not a child." I snapped at them both.
"Like hell you aren't," My dad ground out through clenched teeth.
"You need to get the hell outta my house and stay the fuck away from my family!" My dad growled at John his voice gravelly and low.
I gasped. No, he couldn't leave, I wouldn't survive without him. "No." I cried launching myself forward. "You can't leave me. No." I said desperately. I wouldn't make it.
He glanced down at me. "Baby. I have to." He said quietly. I shook my head as tears once again threatened to choke me.
"I won't make it without you. I need you. " I said trying to make him understand. Then it hit me. I couldn't stay here.
I stormed up the stairs to my room and started tossing clothes and other essentials into my bag, my journal, iPod, some money, a couple of my favorite books, a knife... I picked up a photo that was half hidden among other things on my bedside table. It was of John and me from a few months ago, we looked happy. I sighed, tucking it into my journal and putting it into my bag. How quickly things changed.
Dad's face was livid when he saw me come back down the stairs. John had been busy getting the kids' bags from their room.
"You're not going anywhere with him!" My father snarled at me.
I spun at his words. "You can't tell me what to do. I'm not a child anymore!" I yelled at him.
His face darkened. "Watch me." He snarled. "I'll have your ass locked in that damn panic room until you're thirty." He growled threatening me. "This man is twice your damn age with children who are younger than you, and a suicidal death wish." He was storming through the house and I saw him head for the gun cabinet.
"I forbid this from happening under my roof. Do you understand me Nicole?" He questioned, picking up his shotgun and turning it on John as he walked back into the house.
"I said get out of my house!" Dad yelled at John, who held his hands up in a pacifying manner, backing toward the door. The Impala pulled up and Dean and Beth were getting out of the car looking startled at the sight of my dad pushing John out the door with a shotgun pointed to his chest. Sam sat in the back, looking a bit beat up, and I grimaced, fighting back my guilt.
"Hey, hey what's going on?!" Dean called out, hurrying forward. I stood next to dad on the porch, starting to panic.
"Bobby, let's talk about this..." John said calmly.
"Nothing to talk about Winchester!" Dad snarled at him, cocking the gun at him.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Dean said, reaching them.
"Bobby!" Beth gasped, she looked beside herself, standing a few feet away.
"You kids need to get out of here, this doesn't involve you," Bobby said to Dean and Beth. Beth was pulling at Dean's arm but he shrugged it off.
"Bobby..." John tried again.
"Shut up! I've heard all I want to out of you!" He said. I started to panic, and I moved in between John and my dad.
"Dad... stop." I said to him, and he hesitated.
"Get back in the house Nicole." He said to me. I shook my head.
"You leave now, you don't bother coming back, you understand me?" He said angrily, tears glittering in his eyes. Dean and Beth made surprised sounds.
I paused taking a minute. I looked at him stonily. "I understand perfectly." I said, grabbing my bag and almost running to my car. I tossed the bag in the passenger seat, then started up the car, putting it in gear and spinning the tires as I almost fishtailed away from the house. I had to get away, to breathe without a damn gun in my face for five minutes. I needed to just cool down and think things through, alone.
I watched in the rear view mirror as John pushed Dean and Beth back toward the Impala, moving to his own truck and getting in, then I was out of sight, wheels spinning as I hit the black top and kept on going.
Song used was Clarity by Zedd. And the further I got into this chapter the more it fit, like to a freaking T!
Author's Notes
All right guys I know the wait was a little longer than I promised but I actually rescheduled my exam. I haven't taken it yet I'm gonna take it this Wednesday at 2pm so pray for me!
Belladonna I love you! I have to say if it hadn't been for you this would have been the chapter I'd have said to heck with it and chucked this story out the window so you all have the lovely Belladonna78 to thank for this!
Go check out her stories Highway To Hell, and All Hell Breaks Loose
I hope everyone loves it while I anxiously go spend the next 48 hours cramming for my NCLEX Exam! I have some ideas for a few scenes for the next chapter. So I'll start on that once I am done with my test. Not sure how long it'll take me to get it up, but I'll try to be quick!
Sam, I went back and answered your questions on the last AN I just edited it. If you have any more let me know!
Ok guys I am so anxious to see what you guys think so please let me know how it is.
Oh also. I have originally set out to do what this fic was inspired from, the Bobby and John shotgun stand off. It is officially done. I accomplished one goal so for all intents and purposes it could end here, please vote yes or no!