It's safe to say I'm lost,
Without you in my arms,
So I call your name and I pray you might,
Come and watch over me like the pale moonlight,
Until the sun comes back around.
Take me down, take me down by the water, water,
Pull me in until I see the light,
Let me drown, let me drown, in you honey, honey,
In your love I wanna be baptized.
Take me down, take me down by the water, water,
I wanna be baptized.
And the days and nights are cold,
Without your body to hold,
So I close my eyes hoping you'll appear,
Cause it feels like grace every time you're near, yeah,
Don't leave, until the sun comes back around.
Take me down, take me down by the water, water,
Pull me in until I see the light,
Let me drown, let me drown, in you honey, honey,
In your love I wanna be baptized.
Take me down, take me down by the water, water,
I wanna be baptized.
Baptized
Cole's POV
Bobby's House
Sioux Falls, SD
Christmas Eve Morning
Six Months After John's Death
I let myself into the house, careful of the patch of ice right outside the front door. If I fell while I was this huge, I'd never get back up, at least not without a forklift.
"Dad!" I yelled, announcing my presence. I didn't feel like getting my head blown off and hunters tended to be a shoot first ask questions later bunch, especially around the holidays where the aches and pains of what got you into hunting tended to surface and eat away at you the most.
I heard clanging in the direction of the kitchen so I wandered through the living room stopping long enough to rid myself of my coat and gloves and toss them on the couch.
I stopped staring at my dad, as he was half in half out of the bottom cupboard banging around pots and pans, looking desperately for his stash of back up Jim Beam, Jack Daniels and Jose Cuervo.
"Dad." I said he must not have heard me as he continued rifling through the pots and pans. "Dad!" I said loudly, getting his attention as he jumped banging his head on the underside of the counter.
I smirked lightly to myself, as I moved forward grabbing his arm and helping him get to his feet. "What the hell, Cole!" He grumbled at me. "How about you let someone know you're coming next time alright." He snapped as I pulled on his arm hauling him to his feet.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." I said rolling my eyes and fighting back a snicker as he rubbed his head.
"Hi dad." I said hugging him to me as soon as he was on his feet.
Dad hugged me close, giving me a hard squeeze before relenting. When he pulled away, his gaze dropped down to my stomach. There was no point in hiding how big I was now. I was ready to pop like an overstuffed helium balloon.
"Find what you were looking for?" I asked him gesturing to the cabinets he'd been going through.
He shook his head dropping his gaze away from me. "No. Uh must be over the fridge or something." He said giving some lame excuse. He turned away hurriedly and moved to the fridge grabbing a stepladder and going up to check over the fridge.
I tried to ignore the way he'd looked at me. His gaze had darkened and deeper frown lines had appeared on his brow. Both were obvious signs that he'd had something he'd wanted to say, but he'd kept his mouth shut.
I wasn't sure if that should have me feeling safe and respected or apprehensive and waiting for the other shoe to drop. Right now apprehension was winning.
I turned away, as dad rummaged around on top of the fridge for his alcohol, depositing the box in my hands on the table. "I brought muffins!" I said brightly choosing to ignore his attitude.
At the mention of breakfast foods dad turned around interest flitting across his face as he paused in his search for alcohol. "Did you get the Raspberry Crumble one?" He asked expectantly.
"Of course." I said lightly, turning back around with said raspberry muffin in my hand. "Have I ever forgotten?" I asked.
"Well no but it has been a while." He said, taking the muffin and moving off the stepladder. "Did Kim remember you?" He asked.
"Yeah… Geeze I haven't been gone that long." I said defensively.
"You were gone forever." Dad said disapprovingly, that odd little frown had crossed his face again as he took a bite from his muffin his gaze moving over my form pausing to rest on my very pregnant belly.
"Are you gonna go and get a tree?" I asked leaning one hip against the counter.
Dad looked at me as he finished off his muffin before grabbing another raspberry. "Why? Is there some manual that says I have to have a tree and decorations?" He asked with a sneer to his voice. It was then that I detected the slur.
I closed my eyes against it. I shouldn't have been surprised. It was typical dad. Drink, hangover, then drink away the hangover. "Christmas is a crock anyways." He said, just getting started.
"I know dad." I said wearily. I really didn't need this right now, with everything that had been going on I was ready for a decent holiday, a happy one with family. Of course, with family just being me and dad, and sometimes John when pain would break through the wall he'd built up to protect me from it even if it was just for the holiday. Yeah fat lot of good family was going to be this holiday.
I closed my eyes against the tears that were welling up. God I hated being so hormonal. "I mean it's supposed to be a time when family comes together and is there for each other. We haven't exactly been the Walton's." He said pausing when he ran out of steam.
I nodded blinking back tears. I knew all of this. I knew the reason our family had fallen apart was because I'd done exactly what I wanted and had no regrets. Now though I couldn't help having regrets. I was alone and pregnant. John was in Hell being tortured and I was terrified to even tell anyone I was so scared they wouldn't believe me.
My dad turned away then turned back to me. "We're more like the Scoobies." He said raising a finger in the air, making a point. "Except Scooby never ran away from home then showed up pregnant." He said another famous frown darkening his gaze.
I raised an eyebrow before dropping my gaze from his. Dad was in a fine fighting form, I didn't feel like going toe to toe with him at this precise moment. How the hell, did I win the place of the dog in this analogy?
"You're not even making sense." I said darkly, frowning right back at dad.
He ignored me turning away to continuously mumble to distractedly to himself. I needed something to distract him. Usually he had something going on but holidays were invalid on the hunting thing, I suppose most hunters just wound up drunk and having nightmares by themselves.
"Hey!" I said forcing a bright bubbly demeanor. I fixed a cheery smile in place that I no longer felt. "How about we go and get a tree?" I asked eagerly.
Dad groaned. "No! Why don't we just stay in and fix some dinner? Why do we have to go out and decorate and all that nonsense?" He asked.
"Because." I said my voice taking on a whiney bratty note. One that dad had never been able to resist typically because it resembled a temper tantrum to end all temper tantrums. Now it simply resembled water works. Which I supposed were exactly the same thing. "It's Christmas and I want to have a tree. And decorate and do Christmassy things like Mom and I used to do. Like me you and mom used to." I said not having to fake tears. Damn you Winchester I thought, for once happy at baby boy Winchester for wreaking havoc on my emotions. I could so use this to my advantage.
I'd used this note with John too, on the one hand it had hardly ever worked with him, he was like a caveman completely set in his ways, so the spoiled brat thing hardly ever worked. But the tears did. And sex. Sex had always worked. I gave a small half smirk at the thought.
What about sex? John's voice drifted slowly into my mind, like he was having problems concentrating, or like he was confused. My smirk turned into a frown.
How are you holding up? I asked him softly.
I'll live, for a dead guy. He said his voice laced with pain.
A grim smile touched my mouth as I felt a small portion of the pain he was in radiate through the link. I didn't know how to respond, so I just kept my mouth shut.
"Speaking of mom." I said aloud to dad, wanting to voice a train of thought I had been too scared to ask him about over the phone.
Dad turned away from me, walking into the living room grumbling about Christmas like a bear with a toothache. He turned sharply as I brought up mom, wavering on his feet, and I watched him carefully for a moment wondering how I would actually be able to get over there and keep him from falling; I wasn't exactly moving easy these days.
"What about your mom Cole?" He asked with a sigh. I could tell he didn't really want to do this. Then again, when did he ever?
When I was ten and I started my period he sent me over to the nearest neighbor with a wad of cash and a roll of paper towels. Old Mrs. Mason had me schooled in the art of sanitary napkins. It wasn't until I got to go to a friend's sleepover and her mom took me aside and taught me about tampons and even began giving me the sex talk that I really understood what was going on and how to care for my body. It was kind of a miracle I didn't wind up pregnant before twenty-eight...
I considered my options. How exactly did I want to phrase this question? "Dad did you ever notice any psychic tendencies with mom?" I asked, best to just resolutely deal with the problem.
He drew in a sharp breathe and turned to me a pained look crossed his face. "No. Why would you think that?" He asked his voice going all-irritable.
I paused considering my options. I could just come out and tell him, but there was a huge chance he wouldn't believe me. I spent a few precious seconds waging an internal war with myself. Tell him that irritating little voice demanded. Still, I waffled and eventually caved refusing to tell him. What if he didn't believe me?
"I just thought your mother had gone crazy." He said not letting me press further, swallowing a swig of cheap bourbon from the bottle on the table. It wasn't the best, but when painful memories threatened to overwhelm you it would do. "I was looking for you and I find you and your mom and she's carving into your flesh with a knife. I was shocked I didn't know what to do." He said trailing off.
I nodded, remembering the pain all too well. It wasn't something I thought about too often I chose to remember my mom before that thing took her over. My mom was sweet, and beautiful. She always had a kind word to say to others.
I remembered the blood; there had been so much of it. And when dad interrupted us, mom had gone crazy, turning the knife on him, and insisting how she had to finish she couldn't let them find me.
Dad had grabbed for her, refusing to let her hurt me anymore, and told me to run. And I had. When I turned around dad was covered in blood, and he scooped me up into his arms and took off with me. Next thing I remembered was Rufus busting in to exorcise the demon from mom and saving my father and I.
"Your mom was normal. Until that thing took her over. Then it was like she'd gone insane. If I hadn't seen the demon for myself, I'd think she had some kind of psychotic break, or split personality or something." He said staring up at me with tears in his eyes.
"I'm sorry. I didn't protect you, Nicole. I should have seen that something was wrong with your mother. I should have protected you better." He said, it was one of the few times in my life I'd ever heard a sincere apology from my dad.
"Dad. It wasn't your fault. How could you have possibly known she was possessed?" I said trying to soothe him.
I shuddered rubbing a hand down my arm, a foul taste in my mouth at the memory. The once angry and extremely painful scars had faded to nothing more than thin white lines in intricate patterns with loops and whirls in them down my arm.
I wondered if I'd ever find out what those symbols meant.
Dad had never been much for Christmas, or decorations. But fortunately for me, when Beth joined the Winchester family at age fifteen, I gained a sister, and a partner in crime. The lives of those four men had changed irrevocably the day they brought us together.
Beth was a big believer in angels and loved Christmas. She was also not going to take no for an answer when John had told her they "didn't do Christmas," I would never forget the way that conversation went down. Beth had won, like she usually did with John, and from then on, most Christmases were spent here, in Sioux Falls, in a jumbled up mix of traditions – a tree, presents (courtesy of John's credit card), church, dinner, and the drinking – of course.
Dad was having a drink now, looking a bit sullen as he prowled around the house. It seemed big and empty without the Winchesters. It had been a long couple of years, too many, where we hadn't actually spoken after Dad cocked a shotgun at John and told him to get the hell off the front porch. It had been my fault, all of it, and we'd all suffered because of it.
I fought down the usual sense of worthlessness and anger at myself. It was my first Christmas home in years, Dad and I were on tenterhooks – he was wanting to fuss over me like a mother hen, but every time he looked at me, he frowned because all he could see was the past in me. All he could see was John.
John. Tears welled in my eyes as I thought about the last time I'd seen him. Somehow I always ended up patching him up after one hunt or another, and this time had been no different. He'd shown up on my doorstep, bleeding and beaten – ranting about some demon, the demon, the one that had killed Mary and changed their lives forever.
When he'd left, somehow I'd known it was for the last time. There was a recklessness in his eyes that had told me he was on the final track, the one that would take him home to Mary, to be with her. The irony, that I was always the one patching him up, I was the one in his arms, while all he could ever think about was her.
There was a pounding on the door and I paused from hanging ornaments on the tree. I'd made Dad go and get one even though he was sullen and miserable. It smelled fresh and wintery, just like Christmas. Beth had often talked about how Dean's kisses were like Christmas morning, it made me chuckle – that girl had always had a serious girl hard-on for that man.
I heard Dad's exclamation before I made it out of the living room to the front door.
"What in tarnation?!" He cried, and I looked over his shoulder to see Dean, Sam and Beth standing on the porch, grinning from ear to ear. She saw me standing there and her eyes widened in surprise.
"Cole!" Beth said, excitedly and rushed past Dad to hug me. "I didn't know you were here..." she said, looking at me happily.
"Oh good god here comes the hormonal party," Dean muttered, pushing into the foyer. He gave me an awkward kiss on the cheek and grinned.
"Hey Cole," he muttered before heading straight for the fridge. Dad was hot on his heels.
"Something you need to tell me boy?" Dad said, gesturing back at Beth, standing there, looking, well a hell of a lot fatter than she had been the last time he'd seen her.
Dean grimaced, a beer bottle half raised to his mouth. Sam snorted and shook his head, he was carrying a couple of large bags in from the car – I saw Christmas paper peeking out from one of them – Beth had been shopping.
"Uh, yeah, about that..." Dean said, looking to Beth for help.
"You went and married that girl without inviting your own damn family?!" Dad cut in.
Dean looked shocked, and Beth startled beside me.
"Married? Huh? Bobby what are you..." Dean's voice trailed off as his eyes fell to Beth's left hand, she was wearing his silver ring.
"Oh!" Beth said, as if remembering for the first time that she even had it on. "Oh, no... we didn't... we're not," she stuttered, and started to pull the ring off her finger with a laugh.
"Yeah that was a cover for the last job we were on," Dean said, rolling his eyes.
"Some cover, you dang fool! That don't look like no pillow shoved up her sweater there!" Dad was in fine form, he'd had a bit to drink so there was going to be no stopping what came out his mouth. Sam was pissing himself laughing in the other room as he listened in on the conversation, putting the presents under my half-decorated tree.
I grinned, glancing from Dean to Beth. I felt John moving through my mind. His interest had been peaked as he'd caught onto our conversation almost half-heartedly, then decided this conversation was way more fun than whatever he was going through in hell. Did you hear? Beth is pregnant. I said excitedly.
I heard. John answered sounding absolutely exhausted, I paused before forcing myself to carry on relating meaningless information to distract him with.
Dean and Beth looked a little sheepish and I saw her watching me. Dean was practically chugging his beer, getting ready to reach for another one. I shook my head and gave Beth another hug.
"Congratulations," I whispered in her ear and she beamed at me.
"So is it a boy or a girl?" I asked, looking from her to Dean. His eyes met mine and he groaned.
"Don't ask!" He muttered, and threw his hand in the air.
Sam was leaning in the arch way leading to the library. "You want in on the wager?" He asked casually, a smile plastered to his face.
"Wager?" I said. "You're seriously not betting on this poor child are you?" I chuckled, shaking my head. Just like a Winchester.
Dad was muttering under his breath. I'm sure I heard something come out of his mouth about Winchester men, and making Beth an honest woman. Dean just looked pained and left him to it, coming to join us, slipping his arm around Beth with a smile.
"A hundred will get you in the bet for the sex, and we all pick a birth date, the loser has to go into the Roadhouse dressed in a diaper," he said with his eyebrow raised.
"Seems like a manly bet – but I'm not going bare chested into the Roadhouse, Dean. I'm in it for the cash. Cold hard cash Winchester." I said, pulling my wallet out of the bag that was on the table in the foyer. I removed a couple of fifty dollar bills from the folds, and handed them over to Sam.
That's my girl. You should bet on a boy. Girls aren't exactly common in my family.
Huh. Wonder why. I answered.
No one's sure. I just know we haven't had a girl in five generations. John answered, while the stinging slice of a knife had me automatically reaching a hand around to my back, and in the next instant, the sensation was gone. I placed my hand on my back anyways making a show of rubbing my lower back around the same spot where I swear I'd felt the blade.
"Boy," I said with a smirk. Dean snorted.
"Looks like you're the only one going for girl, Sammy," he said, looking over at his brother. Sam shrugged, looking nonplussed.
Beth giggled and I turned a shrewd eye to her. "Do you know?" I asked her, something wasn't right.
"No one knows yet," Dean said confidently. I raised an eyebrow at Beth. She shifted uncomfortably in front of us. "Oh no you didn't!" Dean gaped at her and she looked guiltily back at him.
He grabbed his duffel and started rummaging around in it, coming up with an empty envelope and brandishing it in front of everyone. Beth looked at him smugly.
"Where is the card?" Dean asked, referring to the card containing the sex of the baby on it.
"I ate it," Beth said with a grin.
At Beth's reply, I felt John give a halfhearted attempt at a laugh, which turned into a coughing fit. I pressed deeper into his mind trying to comfort him and I felt the blood pouring down his chin, as he coughed trying to clear it from his lungs.
Dean sighed and threw his hands in the air again, looking defeated.
Sam burst into laughter again at the expression on Dean's face. "This isn't a laughing matter angel boy!" Dean said, eyes narrowing at Beth.
We all laughed at him and shook our heads. "What the hell is wrong with you damn idjits?!" Dad had walked over, and was looking between us all. Beth was leading us into the living room, her eyes on the tree, smiling.
She picked up one of the presents Sam had put beneath the tree and handed it to Dad.
"Merry Christmas Bobby," she said with a smile. Dad opened the small package up, trying to hold back a smile – he was always a little soft with Beth. The present was a book, it looked old, and fragile. Japanese characters were engraved into the leather cover. Dad looked at it stunned.
"Kojiki," he murmured, looking up at Beth in surprise.
She smiled and nodded. "Oldest version I could find, still in Japanese..." she said. Dad had an English translation, it was one of his favourite books. Beth was probably one of the only people who knew of his love for Japan, and that he was fluent in Japanese.
"Thank you baby girl," he muttered, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. He disappeared into the kitchen, carrying his new belonging as if it was made from gold.
"Nice one!" I grinned at her and she grinned at me, happy that Dad had liked it.
We busied ourselves for the next few hours finishing off the tree decorations. Dad had got out the egg nog and rum; the boys were getting right into that. It was funny to watch – Beth and I sipped away on the non-alcoholic version, it was one of my favourite parts of Christmas.
Beth's eyes were on the clock, it was coming up to 11.30pm. "Time to go?" I asked her, referring to the tradition she had of dragging us to Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve. Dean groaned, knocking back the last of his egg nog.
"Do we have to? Haven't we had enough angels for one week?" He asked, looking at Beth, his voice didn't match his words – he was teasing her, and she knew it.
"Hey, I'm not the one who said the words 'God's will' a day ago... I think maybe you're starting to become a believer Dean," Beth quipped and I snorted.
Dean rolled his eyes and got to his feet, "I'll round up Sam and Bobby, meet you in the car," he muttered, shaking his head.
Beth watched as he left the room, a smile on her face. "Told you," I said to her with a smug look. "Didn't I say you'd be one hell of a lucky girl one day?"
John's presence had become stronger in the last hour. I assumed it was because the demons were through with him for the day. You told her what? John said faking irritation.
I fought to keep from laughing. You bet I told her that.
You were a really bad influence on the kids Cole. I gave a small chuckle at the thought.
I was not. Entirely.
John snorted a small laugh being pulled from him. You really were…
She nodded and grinned at me, then her face turned serious.
"How are you? Really?" She asked, taking my hand in hers. I watched her, feeling my guard drop just a little.
"Surviving, day by day." I admitted. "Big changes ahead, I just have to keep my head above water, it's what he would have wanted." I said quietly.
You bet it's what I want. All I've ever wanted is you, safe and happy. And raising our son.
She nodded. "He gave me this, for you," Beth said, and she reached into her bag, handing me a small wrapped package. I held it for a moment, just staring at it. After a moment, I broke open the tissue paper that Beth had obviously used to wrap it – sure as hell, John wouldn't have wrapped it. Inside was a sheet of paper, curled up like a parchment. I tipped it and a ring slid out from the middle of it.
I love you, Nicole Singer. I swear I could feel him running a hand over my cheek, caressing me. But it wasn't real, it was simply a memory. That didn't stop me from tilting my head ever so slightly into his palm, as I would if he were really here with me. Then I opened my eyes, and I was alone with Beth, and I felt the pain like a blow to my heart. To cover my tears I turned my gaze to the silver ring in my hands.
It was identical to the one Dean wore, and it had been John's. I fought back tears and sniffed, staring at the silver in my hands. Beth was silent beside me, just letting me work through the feelings. I was an emotional wreck, tired, sore and scared of what was to come in my life. Somehow, this ring gave me some hope. I slipped it on to my ring finger, it was a little big, but I didn't care.
I smiled through tears at her and pulled her in for another hug. "Thank you," I whispered. She nodded and squeezed me tight. The paper had John's familiar writing on it, but I couldn't read it, not right now. I tucked it safely into my journal, and put it in my bag for later.
"You girls coming or not? We're gonna be late!" Dean yelled from the front porch. I laughed and wiped the tears from my face.
"Who would have thought he'd be so keen to get to church?" I asked Beth, she was looking just as surprised as I was.
"Yeah... well stranger things have happened," she said thoughtfully, helping me to my feet. We walked to the door, and arm around each other's waists. Christmas. We were all together again, and somehow, it just seemed like the heartache eased for a moment. It wouldn't be long and the harsh reality of life would set back in, but for now we could pretend, make believe that everything in the world was ok. Who knows when we'd get that chance again.
One Week Later
I was lying in bed staring in complete and total wonder at the tiny person in the isolette. I couldn't believe I'd actually done it. I smiled softly in amazement, running my gaze over the healthy nine pound six ounce baby boy I'd had less than twenty four hours ago.
My eyes trailed over the crib card. John Cole Winchester. I smiled sadly, trying to ignore the heavy stab to my heart. The tears pricked at my eyes, and my lower lip trembled. The enormity of what I had done hit me. I'd opted to bring a baby into this world that would never have a father.
He has a father, baby. John said his own voice sounded watery, whether it was for the same reasons, or the demons torturing him, I couldn't be sure at this point. You named him John? He asked sounding rather incredulous.
Yes! I said hotly. And he's keeping the name. I can call him JJ. I felt John heave an irritated sigh, and roll his eyes. You know what, dead fiancee's don't get a vote Winchester. So shut it.
I felt John smile, Still no respect. He said shaking his head.
Damn straight. I have absolutely no respect for the idiot that sacrificed his soul to a bunch of demons. Now I have to raise this baby on my own without a father. I snapped at him.
I had a bit more in common with John than I ever thought I could have had. I pulled my journal off the bedside table and flipped it to the page where I'd stuck the letter in. I still hadn't had time to read it. Or rather I hadn't made the time to read it. A part of me didn't want to.
My door was cracked and thankfully I had a room right across from the nurse's station, I could hear things and keep myself entertained. There was a slight knock on the door; the oncoming nurse pushed it open.
"Hi. I'm Andrea." She said with a bright smile. She looked professional enough her appearance was well kept, and she appeared bright and eager.
"Cole." I said simply.
Andrea moved a bit closer to the bed, scanning my body-taking note of the saline lock in my left forearm I still had in place. "I'm just gonna do a really quick assessment on you if that's all right?" She said.
I shrugged. "Fine with me." I said softly. I knew the drill.
"Great. So the off going shift told me you're a nurse?" She questioned while she checked my IV site to make sure it hadn't infiltrated.
"Yeah. I'm obviously on maternity leave right now, but I work down in the ER." I said, engaging in mindless conversation.
She nodded at me. When she pulled off her stethoscope, I shut up knowing how hard it was to listen to someone's heart and lung sounds when they still kept trying to talk to you. Believe me they still tried to talk when you needed them to zip it so you could hear.
When she had finished her assessment, she turned to the baby. "Oh, he is so cute." She said kindly. "Is he your first?" She asked.
"Yeah he's my first. I decided to get through nursing school and get a career before I wanted kids." I said thinking back on how absolutely terrified I had been when I realized I was in fact pregnant.
Andrea laughed in agreement. "I hear you on that one. Well on the kids part anyways, I was married before school. So is daddy coming by or is he going to stay the night?" She asked.
I felt my mask come into place. It had become a protection mechanism a way to distance myself from everything. "No." I said softly. "He won't be coming by."
Something in my voice or my posture must have tipped her off because she glanced sympathetically at me. "I'm sorry." She said. "Is anyone coming?"
I licked my lips and shook my head. "No, no one's coming, it's just me." I said not quite able to hide the quaver in my voice. "His dad died when I was about five months along." I said trying to explain why I was alone.
She looked shocked. "Can I ask what happened?" She said hesitantly.
I shrugged. "He went on a hunting trip with his children, and on the way back they got into a horrible car accident. The doctor's never did know….." I said trailing off. I couldn't find a valid medical reason to give for John's death as a demon truly killed him.
I truly am sorry, Nicole. I wouldn't have done it if I'd had any other choice. John said, his sorrow echoing down the link.
I know, and that's the problem. Other people's choices, decisions, thoughts and feelings always take a back seat while you make the decisions. It's extremely irritating. Not to mention stupid if you had opened up to the kids you don't think they could have found a way to pull Dean back from the brink of death? I was weary, tired, and so ready to be through with this conversation.
"Oh my God. I'm so sorry." She said silently digesting what little bit of information I'd given her. She fidgeted checking her watch. She had patients she had to see.
"Go on and get back to work." I said putting on a brave smile.
"Yeah, I really should, I'm going to be your post-partum nurse tonight. Jackie should be in here in a bit, she's going to be John's nurse." Andrea said smiling again.
"It's JJ," I said softly. "He's a junior." I cracked a smile. "John would probably be rolling in his grave if he found out I'd named him after him." I said my small smile had turned into a grin.
Hahaha. Eat your heart out Winchester. I said with a smirk.
Andrea smiled at me. "I'll let Jackie know." She said walking out the door.
I nodded at her. I needed to get up I was getting restless in this bed.
John's POV
At sixty years in Hell, I'd been reduced to an animal – no less than an animal. I had permanent marks around my wrists and ankles from the manacles they'd kept me shackled with at the end of the day when they were through with me.
I'd endured things most people would only ever read about and scoff at claiming there's no way someone could survive that, they'd either die or succumb to the darkness attempting to spread across one's soul like a dark and oily stain. By this point, my soul was in tatters, resembling more closely a holey sieve or a piece of Swiss cheese.
I'd seen plenty of souls come and go for long enough to know that each time my cell doors opened I was either going to survive and become tougher, or I would finally break and they would have destroyed me for all time. I hung my head simply listening to the approaching demon's footsteps, five, four, three, two….. One.
I didn't even bother to lift my head I knew who had come for me, Kayen. She was one of the worst, and probably the closest definition to a demonic whore I could find, however many of the souls down here were used to and entirely too happy to give into their carnal pleasures, yet this particular demon spent hours seducing, and assaulting many of us kept in the pit.
I happened to be one of her favorites because I was the hardest to break I could give her untold pleasure for hours possibly days on end when I was in a highly resistant form. She had the longest stamina of any of the demons I had yet to run across and that was saying something. In my new-found expertise, demons were petty, defiant and self-absorbed abominations. They loved instant gratification. Many of them probably had the stamina to take Seabiscuit to the world cup, but they became too involved in their own needs to offer anything of real value.
However Kayen was able to achieve multiple orgasms and sustain her heightened and hyper aroused state that typically left me begging and pleading to achieve my own release. She was the one I dreaded the most, and because of that terrifying fact, she was probably the one who came to me most often.
Terror gripped me after so many years in Hell, my body conditioned like a dog to Kayen's body. I suppose it helped matters that she favored blonde's as much as I did. I felt my cock thickening, the fire raging through my veins and I loathed and despised myself unable to control my own body, standing at attention for demons. Begging and pleading with her for a release, because I knew it was the only way to stop the pain.
I felt gathering warmth flooding through me, holding my fury terror and anguish at bay. She was here she'd connected with me. I swallowed harshly, determined to block her to shove her from my mind. To protect her, if the demons knew about our connection, they could use it to their advantage planting thoughts feelings, inciting her into doing something foolish. They could lure her here and she'd be trapped for eternity as they bent her to their will creating what would most likely be one of the fiercest, most bloodthirsty demons on the planet.
I fought to shove her manually from my mind, but she refused to go. She knew the dangers of staying firmly entrenched and still she refused me. God the woman was stubborn. But I couldn't deny that I welcomed the company even as I fought to protect her mentally standing between her and whatever Kayen had planned for me today.
Cole's presence burned hot and bright, almost like the calm eye in the middle of a hurricane, everything around her was chaotic and destructive but she was cool, calm and collected. I had a moment to wonder when that had all changed. She used to be one of the most angry, furious, emotional people I knew and yet when things became too much for me to bear and I needed a reprieve from the vile things done to me in hell, she was there calm, comforting, and the voice of reason.
You have to go Nicole. Go Now. She's one of the worst. I pleaded with her. She couldn't see me like this hopeless, shamed. She couldn't be here while Kayen used me, and later beat me or turned a fiery blow torch to me when I planned to resist and if Cole refused to leave me, I would resist.
I'm not leaving you. Cole's voice swept through my mind her tone pitched low melodic and soothing. And still stubborn as ever.
The manacles binding me fell from my wrists and legs, and still I refused to stand. At this point, I wasn't entirely sure I could. Cole fed me strength, enough that I managed to stand, albeit it was choppy, and disgraceful, but I was on my feet.
Kayen's terrifyingly beautiful face twisted into a ferocious snarl, and for a moment I could imagine what her true demonic form would look like without the thin visage of humanity she clung too. She'd brought a bucket in with her, and the moment I was on my feet she threw it at me drenching me in icy cold water. With the unrelenting heat constantly surrounding me, the icy water hit me and actually sizzled and snapped when it met my fiery skin.
I stood shaking, trembling, as steam formed coming from the combination of my body heat and the freezing water. "Who the hell said you could stand, maggot?" She snarled at me furiously. I remained standing knowing that daring to move would bring more pain. Everything brought more pain.
I trembled involuntarily, debating whether or not to answer her. If I opened my mouth I would get beaten, and if I kept my mouth shut and she expected an answer I would get beaten. I was in a catch twenty-two. I decided to risk it. I opened my mouth but no sound emerged, I wasn't given the chance to answer.
Her first blow hit me rocking me back, in my weakened state I couldn't take a punch like I used to especially not from a demon. She beat me punching and kicking at me and when that ceased to curb her sadistic nature, she brought out thin whips. Shredding my clothes and leaving thin bloody traces all over me, tearing open skin all over my body. This beating seemed to last for hours, Kayen finally relented when I was on my knees before her, looking at her defiantly through one swollen eye, before both swelled shut.
I attempted to pull away from her as she grasped my chin firmly, forcing her mouth on mine. I had no choice but to allow her entry I wasn't up for a second beating. I groaned in pain as she bit deeply into my bottom lip, her tongue and lips forcing me to taste my own blood.
She took her time, effectively coating my lips in my own blood. I fought to pull away from her as she pressed her body into me. She straddled me sliding down my body much like a cat, marking her territory and for the moment, I was entirely hers.
I suppressed a shudder as she trailed her mouth down my chest, leaving deep bruises upon already desperately sore flesh. I fought not to tremble against her mouth. She dropped her hands to my jeans deftly pulling on the zipper; I swallowed thickly, as she freed my straining erection.
Her small hands wrapped around the base of my shaft and I groaned against the pain she was inflicting as she squeezed her fist, dragging fiercely along the bloody trails left by her own teeth after previous uses. I closed my eyes against the sensation even as my hips involuntarily pressed deeper into her palm, my body automatically responding to the depraved mix of pleasure and undeniable pain coursing through my veins.
I turned my own iron will onto myself, as I wanted to do nothing more than burrow myself so deeply into Nicole's mind she would never get me out. Neither of us would know where I ended and she began.
Cole thankfully remained silent; this was easier to bear knowing that I wasn't alone, yet that she was still shielded. I fought to keep my concentration on the demon, if I let my guard down even for a moment and brought Cole to the forefront of my mind Kayen would undoubtedly sense it.
The demon pressed herself flush against my body claiming my mouth again as she bit viciously once more, drawing in a mouthful of blood. I pulled back even as she sucked my bottom lip into her mouth drawing every possible drop of blood she could.
She raised her head looking me in the eyes, and I could barely see her by this point not only were both eyes swollen severely, but blood also dripped steadily into my eyes. Still I caught the depraved grin she shot me, I also caught the trail of blood dripping down her chin, then trailing between the valley of her breasts.
In this light, with blood stinging my eyes I could almost imagine it was Cole with me. I was back home with her loving her, not in hell tormented by demons, and hallucinations of my family.
Cole helped to feed the image as much as she dared. I felt her lips pressing to mine, her mouth trailing everywhere the demons had. Soothing the stabbing pains with a comforting presence, a touch filled with love and reverence not cruelty or malice.
My hips bucked involuntarily, as I felt Cole's mouth over my erection, and unable to help myself I drove up into the soft moist haven of her mouth. I felt lost in the momentary ecstasy of a shared memory a combined effort to give me something else to focus on other than the demon.
Cole. I breathed softly through the link in our minds.
I cried out unprepared for the sensation of teeth dragging sharply along my flesh as Kayen's head came up alertly. Leave me now! I ordered Cole, managing to put every ounce of will and command I could summon into my voice, while attempting to force her from my mind.
Kayen grasped my face in one hand the other moving to the back of my head wrenching my head back to stare into her eyes. The blood dripping from her chin, and her gorgeous face twisted into a furious snarl, sent a frission of fear sliding down my spine.
And I was helpless to stop her from invading my mind, she tore through my defenses so easily that any preconceived notion of power I'd had was shattered. She slid into my mind, a dark oily substance, that didn't belong.
I felt the exact moment her mind and Cole's crossed paths. Kayen backpedaled so fast my head was spinning. "You have got to be kidding me!" She snarled. She stood, shoving me back with one hand. The fact that I was tossed aside like nothing more than a piece of garbage had me more worried than ever.
She exited my cell, the doors clanging loudly behind her as I was left on my own again. I could feel Cole pouring strength into me, I managed to move getting onto my hands and knees, and crawling to the thin blanket, they allowed me to sleep on.
I collapsed onto it, my body shaking and trembling from the after effects of Kayen's assault. Talk to me Nicole. I begged silently, desperate for anything to distract me from the pain I was kept in. I heard the tremor in her voice, as she valiantly fought to pull herself together for me. When I was in pain, or I needed a reprieve the connection between Cole and I had grown strong enough that she could reach out to me in times of need. Throughout the years, I'd learned that the worse the torment got, the stronger our connection grew, almost like I called her to me as a defense mechanism.
I felt her hesitation as she fought for any piece of information that might hope to distract me from the pain. Uh. She paused, struggling to distract herself from the pain I was in. The truck… Um it's making this weird rattling sound like uh like um like a uh, she fought to find the right description for the sound the truck was making. A uh a berrrrr, berrrrr sound. I need to take it to a mechanic. She said her voice coming to me in soothing waves.
Don't you dare take it to a mechanic. I said irritably. You wanted my truck, you got it, now you're gonna learn to fix it.
Well how the hell am I supposed to learn to fix it? She asked indignantly, her voice still pitched low even though I could hear the heat coming through in her voice. I don't know if you noticed while you were down there getting your sauna treatment, but I'm kind of a single working mother slash hunter and my fiancé has turned into a self-sacrificing martyr. I don't exactly have a lot of free time.
I sent her the mental equivalent of rolling my eyes; I'm going to teach you. Now pay attention. I said softly. I spent the rest of the night walking her through how exactly to fix the truck. She needed to learn this knowledge. I wasn't always going to be around to teach her how to fix something. And that thought haunted me as I managed to drift into a fitful sleep.
Author's Notes
Song for this Chapter: Baptized by Daughtry. This song was requested by itsYOUiSEVER… What can I say I can't find words to express the awesomeness of this song, and I think it totally fits with how Cole and John both are feeling at this point. Awesome choice my dear!
Hello my lovelies. I'm sorry guys I know it's been a super long wait and I do apologize. But this NCLEX Review course my school is offering leaves a lot to be desired. So I'm having to re-educate myself on a lot of it.
I'm also currently looking for a job and taking care of my mom. So things are extremely hectic. I'm barely finding time to write and when I do I'm not feeling like writing for a lot of it. This Chapter was about halfway written. Still I had to force myself to sit down and write it. Now that I have and I'm totally excited for the rest of it, we shall see what I can do for the rest of it.
Now on another note. You guys need to spam the shizznit out of BellaDonna78! There was a time I was worried she was gonna give away all my spoilers now I don't even worry about that anymore. Now I worry that she will even finish the story. If not I might have to take it over and I definitely will not do it justice. She does a fantastic job of creating a good balanced type C personality for Beth. If I had to take it over, I would have a hard time getting her personality right. So your guys job is to beg and plead with her to write and to not abandon her story!
Also I didn't give BellaDonna enough time to edit this chapter so if anyone finds any errors be sure to let me know. I was just sooo anxious to get it up and posted. Hope you guys like it!
Now please read and review! Hopefully now that I'm totally excited and in the writing mood again maybe the next one will be up in a matter of days….