Just a few days of Short Story Month left.
It's a little short tonight.
Ch. 4 Not Crazy
(ZIG)
"Feeling numb yet?" I ask Clare.
She's curled up to me on the sofa watching TV. Vince is out either selling drugs or with his gang. Tiny is at school, Vince makes him go because if he doesn't go then the Children's Aide worker comes by to see why Tiny isn't going. Since no one knows I'm living here besides Tiny, Vince and his gang I don't have to go to school and Clare doesn't want to go to school. So we stayed home all day yesterday and today, being today is Friday tomorrow is the weekend so there is no school.
"A little, can I have more?" She replies quietly.
"I'm not sure that's a good idea, don't want you to O.D. but maybe some morphine will help. I think there's some vials around here somewhere," I comment moving her so I can get up. I start looking through apartment and find some vials of morphine in the washroom. "I'll have to inject you," I tell her grabbing a clean needle and unwrapping it. Clare doesn't speak or move, just sits there gazing at the TV. I take it over and draw some from the vial into the needle. She holds out her arm and I find a vein, she hisses and bites her lip. When I take the needle away she lies down. I set the stuff down and put her head in my lap. We stay that way until the door opens and Tiny comes in.
"Eli's funeral is tomorrow. They're expecting Clare to go a…"
"No," Clare says sitting up quickly, "no I can't go. I can't."
"No one will force you Clare," I assure her.
"I can't go to his funeral, I killed him, I killed him," she mutters over and over as she starts rocking back and forth.
"You don't have to. Why don't you go take a bath, a nice hot one," I tell her. Clare nods and gets up going into the washroom.
"People are worried about her Zig we can't hide her hear forever. Adam, Drew and Owen ask about her every day," Tiny tells me as he sits down.
"So tell them she's fine," I respond.
"She's not fine and you know it."
"Her ex died she's coping. Vince isn't complaining so what do you care?"
"She shouldn't be here Zig. Does Vince know how much product she's using?"
"Eh I'll pay it back," I shrug standing up to go in the washroom. I still hear the water but maybe I'll join Clare in the bath. "Clare it's me I'm coming in," I call knocking on the door before opening it. Clare doesn't answer and when I have the door open I see why, she's submerged under the water. The water is still running but she's under it and she doesn't look like she's breathing. "SHIT," I shout out pulling her out of the water. She's still not breathing, I pull her out to the floor and turn off the water. "TINY," I holler for him and he comes running. "Call 911," I tell Tiny when he appears in the doorway.
"Fuck," Tiny exhales getting out his phone.
"Clare, Clare wake up," I say frantically and slap here across the face. It's the only thing I can think to do, it works in the movies. Clare doesn't move, she's not breathing but I feel a slight pulse. Tiny is talking frantically to the 911 operator.
"Give her mouth to mouth, I need to clean up the apartment," Tiny says setting the phone down.
"I don't know have to give mouth to mouth," I comment as Tiny begins hiding all evidence drugs and guns and other gang related stuff because the cops will probably be coming.
The 911 operator begins instructing me on how to give mouth to mouth. I do it a few times and then Clare coughs up some water, she rolls to her side and spits up the water. Then she starts coughing and shivering. The 911 operator keeps talking and Clare is still coughing, Tiny comes back in and puts a towel around Clare. A moment later the paramedics are knocking on the door so Tiny answers it while the 911 operator hangs up. The paramedics come in and get Clare on a gurney after looking at her for a second.
"Is anyone riding with us?" A paramedic asks.
"Yeah I'll go," I nod.
"Good you can tell us what she took," he replies as they start wheeling her out and I follow.
"She took some morphine, her boyfriend committed suicide in front of her the other day and she's not taking it too well," I tell them when we're in the ambulance and it's headed for the hospital.
"Is she suicidal?" He asks.
"I fell asleep in the tub," Clare replies in a raspy voice taking off her oxygen mask to do so.
"Keep that on your friend can answer the questions. How long was she out?"
"I don't know it couldn't have been long," I reply.
"How old is she?"
"Seventeen I think."
"How much morphine did she take?"
"It wasn't that much, just enough to take the edge off," I shoot back and the ambulance stops so we must be at the hospital.
They rush Clare in and I follow behind, they take her into a room, transferring her to a hospital bed while they tell the doctor's what happened. They take their oxygen and the hospital puts Clare on more oxygen. While they look at Clare and start treating her I figure I better get out of here and get home. If Vince finds cops at the house he'll kill us. Anyway she's at the hospital now and they'll take care of her. I back out of the room but instead of going out the emergency entrance I decide to go out the front and I'm walking that way when I bump into someone I know.
"Zig what are you doing here? Why haven't you been in school?"
"Gotta go Tris see you around," I reply running past him.
"ZIG," he calls after me but I keep running.
(JOHNNY)
"Hey Tris what's up we're just about to…Clare's where…yeah we're on our way," Owen replies and hangs up. We were about to go grab some food but it looks like plans have changed.
"Where's Clare is she okay?" I question.
"No Tris says she's at the hospital," Owen replies.
"Did he say why?" I ask when we're in Owen's car and he's headed for the hospital.
"Something about Zig being involved and drugs and they think she tried to commit suicide," Owen tells me talking quickly.
"If I ever see this Zig kid I'm going to kill him," I growl.
"We'll find him and we'll kill him don't worry," Owen nods.
When we get to the hospital I follow Owen and we walk through the hospital until we see his brother standing outside a hospital room. We follow Tris into the room and see Clare, it looks like she's sleeping, she's got a heart monitor on and an IV but other than that she appears to be fine just sleeping.
"What happened?" I ask Tris.
"I'm not entirely sure, they wouldn't tell me much. I was here for my appointment and just as I was leaving I saw Zig. I tried to talk to him and he just ran out. I thought it was suspicious so I started walking the hospital, honestly I thought he'd stolen pharmaceuticals. Then I see Clare in the room and the doctor asked where the boy went that came in with her. From the description I knew it was Zig and I called you. They took some blood but they said she took some morphine and that she'd swallowed some water from the bathtub. I heard the nurse say they wanted a therapist to talk to her because they think she attempted suicide."
"I didn't want to hear him anymore," Clare says in hoarse voice. Apparently she's not asleep.
"Didn't want to hear who anymore?" Owen asks her.
"Eli, I didn't want to hear Eli anymore. I thought if I joined him…" she says and her sentence trails off. She looks away from us and closes her eyes the rest of us exchange a look because she did try to commit suicide.
"I'll go talk to the doctor and see if they'll tell me anything more. Maybe they'll tell me when she's getting released," Owen says before leaving the room.
"I'll go call Adam and tell him I found her," Tris tells me before he leaves the room.
When they're both gone I sit on the edge of Clare's bed and take her hand. She squeezes it and begins sobbing. I squeeze her hand and hold it with both of mine. Owen comes back in the room and says they're keeping her overnight for observation and she'll be released in the morning but they want her to speak to a psychologist.
"I'm not talking to a psychologist. I'm not crazy," Clare responds in a strong voice between her sobs.
"No one thinks you're crazy Clare," Owen tells her.
"You went through something tragic Clare. What Eli did, what you saw would affect anyone. No one thinks you're crazy we're just worried about you," I assure her.
"The Torres family is on their way," Tris informs us when he comes back in.
"No," Clare shakes her head pulling at her IV and trying to get out of bed.
"What're you doing?" Owen and I ask at the same time as we both push her back down and I get her IV back in.
"If they're coming then my mom is coming," Clare says.
"Adam promised not to call your mom," Tris assuages her.
She calms down a little and then she just sort of shuts down. Curls on her side and begins sobbing. She's still doing it when the Torres family, including Dallas, arrives. She won't look at them and won't stop crying so their visit is pretty short because the nurse kicks us all out.
"They're keeping her overnight for observation and I'm going to stay here. I don't want to leave her," I announce to everyone.
"Call me if anything happens," Adam requests.
"Yeah I will," I nod.
"We'll be back in the morning, I'm going to speak to the doctor and make sure we're called if anything happens and make sure they're doing everything they can for her," Mrs. Torres says then she and her husband walk away.
"I'll be back in the morning too, come on Tris I'll take you home," Owen comments and waves as he leaves with Tris.
Adam watches Clare through the doorway for a moment while the nurse is trying to calm Clare down. When Clare won't calm down the nurse leaves and comes back with something that she puts in Clare's IV. A couple minutes after that Clare falls asleep. A moment later the Torres family and Dallas leave. I spend all night in Clare's room watching her sleep until I fall asleep just before dawn. I wake up when I hear her moving around and find that she's turned off her IV and heart monitor and she's disconnecting everything.
"Clare what are you doing?"
"I'm leaving, I'm not talking to a psychiatrist, I don't want to be here. I'm going back to Zig's," she says taking the IV needle from her arm.
"If you'll come back to my place with me instead of running to Zig's than I'll help you get of here," I tell her.
She stops moving and looks at me, rolling her lip between her teeth as she considers this proposition. After a moment she nods and I help her with the rest of the equipment. She has no clothes at the hospital so I give her the hoodie I'm wearing and she puts it on. It's almost big enough to be a dress on her. I check the hall and when I see no one we leave. Of course we have no car so when we're a little bit away from the hospital I call Owen. He's half asleep still but when I tell him Clare insisted on leaving he wakes up and says he'll be right here. When Clare shivers I put my arms around her and try to warm her up. Owen arrives a moment later and we get in the car. As soon as we get back to our apartment Clare goes into my room and closes the door. It takes about two seconds for Owen and I to come to the same realization.
"The fire escape," we exclaim at the same time. We run to my room and throw open the door surprising Clare and she screams.
"What are you doing?" She demands.
"Sorry we thought you might go down the fire escape again," Owen apologizes scratching the back of his head uncomfortably.
"I'm wearing a hospital gown and your sweatshirt I don't even have shoes how far did you think I'd get? Besides last time I jumped from there I sprained my wrist, which really hurts now by the way," she says.
"I'll grab you some aspirin and then call Adam so he knows you're okay," Owen comments and turns to go to the washroom.
"I can go to your house and get you clothes. A black dress maybe?" I prod and she slumps down a little.
"I can't go," she shakes her head.
Owen comes in and gives Clare some aspirin and some water. She takes the aspirin and he goes out to call Adam and let him know Clare's here.
"Clare you need to say goodbye to Eli, you need to know that he's dead and that it's not him whispering to you. You've been through a trauma Clare, you're mixed up. Your emotions and your thoughts are going haywire and mixing together. It doesn't mean you're crazy it means you need time and saying goodbye is a good first step. I'll be there with you, so will Owen, Adam, Drew and everyone else. I know you're strong enough to do this and if you can't stay we'll understand," I encourage her.
"No I killed Eli they won't want me there," she shakes her head.
"Clare you didn't kill Eli, he committed suicide. He made the decision to cheat on you and he made the decision to kill himself. You didn't push him in front of the truck. Eli took his own life Clare; he did that not you. You need to know that Clare."
She curls up and lies on the bed sobbing lightly, I watch her for a second wondering what I should do. My instinct tells me to hold her but I'm not sure I should do that or if she'd just push me away. Then she sits up and wipes her tears away.
"If you can find me something to wear I'll go but you have to stay with me," she asserts.
"I will," I promise her.
"And you have to promise that you'll get me out of there if I want to leave."
"I promise."
I call to Owen and ask him to find her a dress to wear to the funeral. I don't want to leave Clare. Owen makes a couple phone calls and says Adam is bringing her something. Adam, Drew and Dallas show up about thirty minutes later and Adam has a dress for Clare he tells her came from Alli and Jenna. They're already dressed for the funeral so while Clare changes in the washroom I change and so does Owen. Then we all go to the funeral together, Clare gets out of the car and grips my hand.
"You can do this," I remind her, "I'll be with you the whole time."
The next update will be Thursday August 18th and that will be the last chapter for this story. It will probably pick up from right here and in Clare's pov.