Red Green sat at his desk in a little back room of the lodge, scrutinizing an attempt at whittling. The little wooden possum didn't look quite right. He turned it over in his hands, trying to think on how to improve upon it. Just as he was reaching into the drawer for the duct tape, Ranger Gord burst into the room.
"Red, you'll never believe what happened – I met a woman in the forest today!"
The bearded man cocked an eyebrow. "You been eating those strange mushrooms again, Gord?"
"No Red, this one is real. The real deal. And I've tracked her all the way to the lodge. You haven't seen her by any chance, have you Red?"
Red sat the lopsided wooden creature down on his desk and let out a sigh. "Gord, no one around here sees any of the things you do …"
Gord chuckled. "I know, right? No one up here is half the expert tracker I am." He sniffed a little and hitched up his belt. "My keen wilderness survival instincts are why they picked me to watch over this forest you know," he stated proudly. "Anyway, I have reason to believe the young lady is injured and in immediate need of my assistance. I must find her right away."
Red fiddled with his knife. "Are you sure it wasn't a moose or deer or something? There hasn't been anyone up here at the lodge this early. The only reason I'm even here is to catch up on a lot of important lodge business. Or so I told Bernice after I found out her parents were coming in to visit this weekend."
"No, this was definitely a human," he replied dismissively. "I've collected hair and textile samples," he declared, fumbling through his pocket for a plastic baggie. He tossed the bag on the desk in front of Red. "There, ya see?" he said, pointing. "No moose would be caught dead in a dress that colour." Red lifted up the bag briefly and at a distance, unsure what to think. "You see Red, today's my birthday, and I was hoping to spend it with her; nursing her back to heath in my watch tower just like a baby bird," he grinned sheepishly. "Though eventually they all fly away," he added angrily.
"It's your birthday today eh? Well happy birthday there Gord! How old does that make you now?"
The ranger stared into the distance for a few seconds before breaking down into tears. Red grimaced and stood up to escort the bawling man to the door. "Um, well, if I see anyone matching the description of a peach frilly dress and long blonde curls, I'll be sure to send 'em on up to your watch tower so that you two can do … whatever ..."
"Oh, would you, Red? You promise?"
"Yes, yes, sure thing if you just -"
"Oh thank you Red Green!" he shouted, squeezing the flannel-clad man tightly. "I'm going to go get a cake and presents and wrap them to be from her to me – oh Red this is going to be the best birthday ever!"
Red pushed the door shut and fell back against it, wiping his brow.