A/N: Oh my gawwwd I feel awful for leaving you wonderful people hanging for so long! Thanks for being so patient. I've been pretty busy with school starting back up, and also I have just begun a new fan fiction which I can't show you for a couple of months but which I am super excited about! I can't tell you more than that, it's a surprise... but I really hope you enjoy this chapter! I'm going to try to update this slightly more regularly, because I know this story is going to be fun to write when I really get to the juicy stuff! Thanks again for reading!

Chapter 3: When I've lost my way - Part III

Paris, Spring 1787

Though Thomas Jefferson had assured Angelica Church that she would not experience loneliness due to the way he selflessly offered his presence as a fellow American to ease her feelings of homesickness, that did not emerge to be the way things occurred during the first two months following the pair's initial meeting. Not once did the man's shadow grace the Church's door, never did a letter arrive bearing her name in his neat, flowing scribe. Promises have been made, she reflected, but who can truly judge their worth when the on the other side of the deal is a man I have met just one time, and who I hardly know well enough to assess whether or not he seems the type of man to deliver that which he offers?

At first, she couldn't help but wonder time and time again if she had done something to chase him away. But as the weeks flew by and new responsibilities and social engagements stole her attention, she began to pull her mind away from Mr Jefferson, only occasionally thinking of him when Maria Cosway mentioned him in passing, and even then, the image of him in her mind began to lose clarity.

By the time Spring arrived, bringing with it the cheerful music of birdsong, brilliant dashes of colour in the form of flowers littering every garden, and rejuvenating the city with a previously unforseen lease of life, she had dismissed the idea altogether as nothing but a fleeting dream, an intangible fantasy just like so many other thoughts which became lodged in her mind following tragically brief encounters with charming, witty young gentlemen she met at balls.

But all of her certainty that she would never meet Jefferson again on any occasion but at another formal engagement fell away from her when, completely unannounced to her or anyone else, a maid hurried to locate her in her parlour, greeting her with the news that she had a thoroughly unexpected guest:

Speaking timidly, the younger girl informed her mistress, "The American Ambassador to France, Mr Thomas Jefferson, is here to visit you, Mrs Church. Should I show him in?"

Turning to her maid in abject confusion and with clearly visible disbelief embodied within her frown, Angelica asked, "Are you sure he is here to see me? It seems odd that he should..." She trailed off, absentmindedly considering if it would be more strange if he had suddenly remembered he was supposed to have visited her two months after he first promised he would do so, or if he had remembered his vow all along and only now decided he could spare her a few minutes of his time.

Oblivious to the woman's internal ponderings, the maid replied, "He asked specifically to see you. He did not even mention Mr Church."

Oh. So he really does want to see me, she concluded, still slightly puzzled but managing to mask it well. Running a hand through her hair and tucking any loose strands back where they belonged, she decided, "In which case, please do invite him inside. I should like to talk to him, I think."

The maid nodded and retreated from whence she came, returning a moment later with the guest in tow. Upon seeing his almost arrogant smile, she looked away, causing his expression to change from one of confidence to confusion in an amusingly short time frame as he greeted, "Mrs Angelica Church... Sorry, ma'am, did I do something wrong?"

"Some would argue it is rude to venture to another person's home without warning them prior to your arrival," she began, still refusing to make eye contact, "Yet personally, I consider it even more insulting that you have not been in contact with me at all since you made an explicit promise to do just that, only to then have the audacity to visit my home without even offering an apology."

Sighing with perhaps a hint of frustration tinting his words, he retorted almost childishly, "Perhaps I would have gotten that far if you had not divided down my throat as soon as I entered!" Forcing himself to adopt a more sincere tone, he murmured, "I am terribly sorry to have caused offense, Miss. I have been exceptionally busy and it has lead me to neglect my social duties, but if you could find it within yourself to allow me to make amends, I would love for you to join me on a walk about the city so that we might catch up on all that we have missed."

Angelica had half a mind to insist he left, claiming his apology was critically insufficient. But, alas, she was in such desperate need of companionship that she hardly felt she was in a position to refuse new company, no matter the source. And so, still not raising a smile for the American Ambassador, she raised her chin defiantly into the air and finally met his intense gaze as she accepted, "Very well. You may try to make amends, though how successful you will be, I couldn't begin to guess."

For once, Jefferson did not even attempt to persuade her to change her sceptical attitude into a more pleasing demeanour - in the little time he'd spent with her, it was clear that she was not the sort of woman to have her thoughts, feelings or actions altered to suit the whims of a man. He only offered his arm, which she took with a curt sniff, and lead her from her home.

"So, my dearest Angelica, how are you finding fair Paris?" Thomas asked, all of the tension which he, like most politicians, carried with him evaporated in the warm spring air. A meandering stroll through the most beautiful parts of the city in the company of a woman as intellectually capable as she was attractive was evidently a very effective method of blowing away the cobwebs which had clouded and dulled his mind and heart. There was a visible spring in his step as he walked, and however much she begrudged his long absence from her life, Angelica had to admit that she was uplifted by the seemingly carefree way he went about his business.

Opening up to the man somewhat, she confessed, "I am finding it nowhere near as fair as our own motherland." However, she instantly regretted her honesty when she sensed his pitying gaze burning into her and making her skin crawl as if it had a life of its own. Quickly amending her statement, she corrected, "That is not to say I spend all of my time despairing and longing for home."

"I see," Jefferson nodded, a cocked brow indicating he did not quite believe her. Sure enough, after a brief pause, he finished on her behalf, "it's just the majority of your time spent pining rather than every last second."

"Not so, Sir," she countered emphatically, a touch of irritation lending her words a sharp edge as she warned, "Do not presume you are able to read a second meaning into my words. I mean what I say: I do not pine. I refuse to be helpless simply because dedication to my husband has brought me to a foreign land."

"I see," Jefferson repeated.

A silence ensued, full of words left unspoken. It was Mrs Church that eventually broke it, shattering the undisturbed quiet with a hurried, bashful admission, "Maybe I do miss my home - but that is no crime! You're one of those fortunate enough to have something important and interesting to occupy your time, but what about the likes of me? The women with busy, inattentive spouses and children who must attend school, what is there for us to do but lounge in cosy little parlours drinking tea from dainty china teacups?" Though the words described a pleasant scene, her voice was increasing in volume and echoing disgust. "And what only exacerbates the horrid situation is the small, persistent detail that my heart won't stop reminding me of and making me long for: the glorious days of action, in which barrels of that very beverage were tossed into the ocean by my fellow Americans to enrage the King - who, might I add, I have since dined with since leaving our glorious country. You see, not only have I lost my homeland, but also the principles upon which it was built."

Unsure of himself in the face of her emotive outburst, Thomas hesitantly wrapped an arm around her shoulder in something which resembled a comforting embrace.

"I don't need your pity, Sir," the uncharacteristically exposed woman assured, however she made no immediate move to quit his side, leaning into him for a few moments while she worked to compose herself and don that mask which usually came to her as a second nature. Remembering her surroundings, she soon stepped away from him. Speaking slowly to ensure she didn't break into another tirade, the former Schuyler concluded, "Though I know I must be here, I do regret that since my arrival, I have been unbearably idle." Try to convince him that you are just fine. You don't need him thinking anything is out of the ordinary - you've already said far too much.

Choosing to humour her for the time being rather than press for even more information than that which made up her recent flood of confessions, he remarked loftily, "Idleness is the root of all evil."

"Is that right?" Angelica enquired, cocking a sceptical eyebrow as she offered her own opinion, "That is a very philosophical statement, but I believe there are far more damaging things in the world than a simple lack of activity to occupy your time: murder; public and domestic violence; people living in absolute poverty and turning to crime to feed themselves because no one will help; Politicians neglecting their duty and forgetting promises to their fellow countrymen and women." With her final suggestion, she shot him a meaningful glance, forcing him to chuckle uncomfortably.

"Is that a quip intended to hurt me, Mrs Church? For I find it unnecessary, particularly when I have explained that I only abandoned my promise to you because I became burdened heavily and suddenly with urgent matters." She made no comment, leaving him to proceed to resume the argument, "Besides, though the examples you listed are indeed examples of terrible situations, it could be argued that idleness does in fact play a role in every one of those things, leaving people with nothing to do but resort to carrying out evil deeds."

Scoffing incredulously, Angelica challenged, "You believe that people kill because they are bored? No, Sir, I disagree wholeheartedly. I find that the root of evil is a lack of compassion, which could perhaps be considered a form of evil within itself. But I think that you will see - if you can bring yourself to look - that with nurturing support and forgiveness readily available, there would be far less evil in the world."

Her companion considered it, mulling it over carefully and deciding, "You argue and justify your position very well. I must admit, your intellectual ability is... Admirable."

Chuckling with amusement at the irony of Jefferson, of all people, complimenting her witty brain, she pointed out, "You have certainly altered your views on females since our last meeting, haven't you?" Not that it is a bad thing, not in the slightest.

Jefferson stopped walking, and the woman at his side copied him, gazing at him with curious interest which somehow caused a flush of desire to surge through the man. Lowering his voice to a soft, flirtatious whisper, he declared, "I have changed, Angelica. I could show you, if you'd only permit me to..." Slowly, he leaned down, bringing his face just centimetres from hers and loitering there, unsure whether or not to kiss her or to display reticence in case she rejected him.

She didn't quite know why she stepped away. She was tempted to close the shrinking distance between their lips and realize her newest fantasy, but something held her back. Her better judgement, or her conscience, or that bulky wedding ring, stopped her from doing what she longed to, and instead prompted her to continue walking, fiercely reminding herself as she did so that she was a married woman. The air burned with awkward tension, and in a bid to lighten the suddenly heavy, stifling atmosphere, the woman showed no tact or subtly as she moved swiftly onto a new topic of discussion. With a forced teasing undertone to her voice, she remarked, "That is an awfully bright jacket, Mr Jefferson. Perhaps you'd do well to invest in a less... ostentatious outfit?"

Thomas smiled, missing the hint of sarcasm as he replied, "You have Mrs Cosway to thank for my vibrant wardrobe choices. Before she came into my life, I couldn't bring myself to wear any colour save for black."

"Why on earth did you stop?" Angelica continued to taunt the man, almost confessing openly that she was less than keen on his dress sense.

But she came to regret it almost at once as he flatly, sombrely revealed, "I stopped wearing black because I no longer felt so sickeningly disheartened by the death of my wife that I couldn't stand to wear another colour." There was no mirth in his gaze to match hers, only deep sorrow from remembering the absolutely genuine truth behind his outfit selection.

A twist of guilt stabbing her in the gut, Angelica profusely apologised, "I am so sorry, I had no idea. I wouldn't have said a word if I had only known the story behind your bright wardrobe." He shook his head, trying to put an end to the obvious pity she felt for him - he loathed the nauseating feeling of overwhelming sympathy which he so often encountered when people learned of his status as a widow. Once again trying to relieve the tension from the conversation, the eldest former Schuyler sister suggested, "You and my good friend Maria must be very close if she has had such an impact on you." Well, I know you must have been, I am fairly certain that an affair has taken place between the two of you.

But instead of an emotionally exposing confession, Jefferson only shrugged, a casual smile beginning to return to his lips as he corrected her, "Maria and I have found solace in one another's company, that is for sure. But I don't think we are as close as you believe: I know danger when I see it, and I can recognize that to feel something for Maria would be a risk I am unwilling to take." A smirk began to grow as he added, "That leaves a vacancy: I need some form of entertainment, a woman to save me from being idle, and I know you need the same."

"A woman to keep me from being idle doesn't sound like quite what I need," Angelica remarked, picking up on his grammatical error and causing him to chuckle, this time with true amusement. "But you are right when you say I need someone to save me from an endless cycle of attending afternoon teas and serving my husband's colleagues when we host our own dinners." Which is what I dared to hope I might find in you, once upon another time.

"A convenient arrangement, then, would be for you and I to make an effort to become closer companions, don't you think?" He suggested, just as they turned the corner onto the road where Angelica lived for the time being.

"We have made that sort of agreement previously, Sir, and it did not work quite as we had hoped," the practical woman reminded him, unwilling to inflict further disappointment on herself when he inevitably failed to deliver his promises again.

"Then let us try again; do we not owe it to ourselves to allow this budding friendship a second chance to bloom into something beautiful?" He eagerly insisted, determined that he would not be so foolish as to allow the dazzling woman to slip away from him. Not after leaning all I found out from her today, he assured himself.

They had reached the top of the path leading to the Church's family home, and Angelica was ready to bid the man goodbye. But before she did so, however, she indulged him, and herself, by allowing the agreement to be made once more. "Very well. We may try harder to maintain a friendship if it would please you." Just so long as we don't come perilously close to kissing again. As a precautionary afterthought, she warned, "If you do anything, anything at all to ruin this chance, then I can guarantee that you will not win my friendship back again."

But Thomas had no intention of letting her down. With a nod and a wide, confident grin, he confirmed, "Don't fret, my dearest Angelica. I will do no such thing to jeopardize something which I firmly believe could grow to be beautiful."

In fact, he decided, though he kept it to himself for the time being, I will do everything within my power to ensure it does just that.