IMPORTANT NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR (PLEASE READ):

My Mamoru is a very quiet person. I am prepared for you to hate him, but realize there is more to come about him. You will get frustrated with his vague thoughts and odd actions, but be patient. Thanks!

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Crossroads in Life

Written by Princess Kayla

Inspired by Naoko Takeuchi's "Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon"

Chapter Four

View from a Rose

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It was so warm; a pleasant warm that made me sleepy. As I rested on the fluffy quilt, my eyes remained closed. I was safe. I was secure. I was home.

I felt a soft hand brush my hair off my forehead. I looked up to see her smiling face framed by her wispy black hair. "Did you have a good nap?" her voice seemed to echo. I nodded and sat up. Confusion overcame me as I looked around at the green grass and blue sky. My hands surprised me by how tiny they were. Glancing at my feet, I noticed they were tiny too, encased in Velcro shoes.

"Finally, you are up." I raised my head to see a tall man. He reached down, put his hands on my sides and lifted me high in the air. I let out a laugh, and he returned one in kind. He lowered me into a hug, squeezing me tight. "Are you happy?" his deep voice echoed, and again I nodded.

Unexpectedly, dark clouds filled the sky. I felt panic seizing me. I clung tightly to the man, but he pushed me away. He lowered me to the ground and let go. The comfy quilt and green grass were gone, only rough asphalt. I watched as the man and woman took each other by the hand and started to walk away. They glanced back at me and gave a slight wave. All at once, fear took over, and I ran. The faster I ran, the further away they became. I reached out, begging them to come back.

I lost my footing and hit the ground hard. My eyes clenched tight from the pain, and when I opened them again, they were gone. I was alone.

. . .

Gasping, I set up straight, a cold sweat covering my body. Trying to gain composure and return to reality, I ran my hand across my forehead and took several deep breaths. It had been a long time since I had experienced that nightmare.

A soft sigh grabbed my attention. I looked down at the peacefully sleeping girl. Her back was to me and her messy golden hair was draped over the sheets. Leaning over her, I looked at her beautiful face and tenderly brushed some of the long hair off of her bare shoulder. It took touching her to realize she was real. Everything became clear. I felt sick. I had taken advantage of my dearest friend.

"Usako..." I gently poked her, "Usako, you need to wake up." She stirred but simply pulled a pillow closer to herself. I went to poke her again and stopped. I realized that if she woke up, I had no idea what to say to her. Anxiety overwhelmed me. I looked over at the clock. It was almost 10:45 PM. My back straightened and I quickly, but carefully climbed out of the bed. I slipped on my pants that had been discarded on the floor.

Hurrying into the living room, I grabbed my phone from the coffee table. To no surprise, text messages and voicemails filled my phone. I clicked play on a message from Motoki. "Hey, man, Usagi's parents are looking for her, but we don't know where she is. Please call as soon as you get this." I swallowed and pressed his name to call.

"Mamoru?" Motoki's voice came frantically.

"Hey, sorry. My phone died and I completely forgot about it," I lied.

"Have you seen Usagi?" he asked with worry.

I quickly made up a story, "She's here. She has been helping me pack everything up. We completely lost track of time, and she just realized that she left her phone at home."

"Oh," Motoki sighed, "That's a relief. Can you tell her that her parents want her home right away?"

"Of course," I agreed, "She's taping up the last box now. She says she will leave soon." I was sad how easily I could lie.

"Thanks, Mamoru. If you need my help at all, let me know. Tell Usagi she should give Minako a call as soon as possible. She's been worried," he requested.

"Will do. Talk to you later." With that, I ended the call.

I returned to the bedroom and stood in the doorway. I thought about how my life could have possibly led to this point. I tried to understand my actions, but all I could think of was my nightmare. However, when I closed my eyes, instead of the man and woman walking away, it was Usagi who left me.

Then, I gave into my irrational side. I couldn't handle this. Again, I had become the person I didn't want to be. I had messed up so much and ruined whatever was left of our relationship. I was the older one. I was supposed to be mature enough to take control of the situation, but I failed miserably. I couldn't talk to her; I didn't know how. Suddenly, I couldn't breathe.

Noticing all her clothes, I grabbed them and took them to the dryer that was in the kitchen. I ran the clothes through a swift cycle. As they dried, I went and put on the rest of my clothes. I stayed as quiet as possible, as if she were a fierce lion who would strike me at anytime.

Before the dryer could beep, I took the clothes out and was happy to see that they were dry. I folded them and set them on my dresser. I turned around and tried to push the fear aside. I needed to wake her up and deal with the situation. I went to her and touched her shoulder again, "Usako..." She squirmed and groaned softly; then, I noticed a tiny smile in the corner of her mouth. My heart ached. "Usako, please..." Subconsciously, she tucked her face into the pillow, hiding herself from me. I wanted to laugh because she had always said how much she loved her sleep, but instead I frowned deeply. Maybe she wasn't meant to wake. Perhaps, I was meant to let her stay in whatever dream world that had caused that smile. In contrast, I remembered the darkened sky of my nightmare, and I walk away.

Taking paper out of the drawer in my kitchen, I went to writing her a note. A note that screamed both 'this is the best thing to do' and 'don't be a idiot' all at the same time. But, I gave in and scribbled a 'Usagi...I had to go out...I think you should go ahead and go home...I will talk to you tomorrow...' Sighing, I went to her and left the note on the nightstand.

That's when I fled.

I left my apartment building and walked across the street to the shadows. Memories that I long tried to forget pushed themselves to the forefront of my mind. I shook my head, desperately trying to get rid of those thoughts. I believed that if I hadn't had that nightmare, these thoughts wouldn't have decided to torture me. I remembered running through the night with all my belongings in the small bag on my back. It was cold and I avoided the light so that I could hide as I ran away from the painful attacks. I used to cry, but I left those tears behind me.

Finally those thoughts stepped aside as I noticed Usagi walk out of my building. I had the urge to hurry over to her as she glanced back up at my apartment, but I held my ground. My watch read 12:06 AM as she started heading down the street. She looked so helpless, and instinct guided me to continue in the shadows, walking with her. After a moment, her pace quickened, so I followed. Of course, I realized how incredibly creepy it was that I would do this, but I was stuck between the fear of her seeing me and the fear of her getting hurt. Eventually we made it to her house, and I sighed with relief as she went inside. She was safe. We could let this night end and move on. I prayed that we could move on.

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My phone rang for the fourth time, and I avoided it again. I reread her text messages. 'Please call me.' 'I need to talk to you.' I knew I needed to talk to her too, but I didn't know what to say. The moments from last night were still so fresh in my mind. To distract myself, I packed up more of my belongings. I didn't have a lot of stuff, but everything had to go, either with me to America or to donation centers downtown.

The washer dinged, signaling me to move the wet sheets to the dryer. The smell of her perfume was left all over them, and it was difficult to handle it, so into the wash they went. I moved the sheets, started the dryer, and returned to keeping myself busy by going through my mail. I sifted through some bills and advertisements until I reached an envelope marked with Harvard's logo. I opened it and read the important document, 'Dear Mr. Mamoru Chiba. We are pleased to inform you that everything is ready for your move here. We are looking forward to seeing you next week as the upcoming summer semester approaches. You will receive whatever assistance you need in order to make this transition easier. We look forward to meeting you in person. Sincerely, Harvard Board of Administration.'

Suddenly, I recalled my conversation from a couple of months ago...

. . .

Usagi's inspiring words about becoming a doctor had stuck with me, and when a random ad for Harvard popped up on my computer, I took a chance. She had been right; I was accepted. Amazingly, I qualified for their international student scholarship, and they chose to provide me with a large financial award.

Instantly, I wanted to tell Usagi, but I stopped myself. After that kiss at the Crown, I needed to separate myself. I was already attached to her, but that went too far. That kiss took things to a different level. I had let her become important to me, and I couldn't allow it. Knowing that, I decided moving away was the best choice.

I was afraid of the next action I had to take, but I made the call.

"Hello, Sir," I greeted.

"Mamoru, I'm surprised to hear from you. Is everything going well?" he asked.

"Yes, Sir, but I need to discuss something important," I said.

"What is that?" he questioned.

I explained carefully, "Sir, I know your desire for me is to continue my college education with business, but a great opportunity has come my way. Harvard in America has offered me a scholarship to attend their school."

"Interesting," he commented.

I continued slowly, "I would like to take this opportunity."

"And continue with business," he added.

I swallowed, "No, Sir. I have decided to pursue premed."

"I see." Then there was silence - uncomfortable silence.

I had to break it. "Sir..."

"Mamoru," he interjected, "You made a commitment to business. Commitments are important. When you break them, your character suffers."

"I know, Sir," I frowned, "I know that this does not follow the plan..."

"However," he interrupted again, "If you want to take on this challenge, you may, but I would like you to minor in business."

It took me a moment to process his words. He had a condition but he gave his consent. "Thank you, Sir. I will do so."

"Very well. I expect you to do whatever you are required to do," he said sternly.

"Of course," I was surprised he would agree to all of this, "Thank you. I will make all of the arrangements. I'm planning on starting my new degree in the summer so that I can get ahead."

"Sounds good," he said, "I will keep in touch. Farewell."

. . .

He hadn't called since that conversation, but that wasn't surprising. That was his way. He sought to let me handle my own responsibilities, a way of grooming me to be a suitable businessman. After all this time, I owed him so much. It was hard to tell him that I wanted to put his plan aside, but he appeared to give his support for making such a leap across the ocean to the United States.

It was crazy to think that I would leave my home country next week. I would leave this all behind. I would leave Usagi behind.

My phone chimed again, and Usagi's name flashed across the screen. 'Mamo-chan,' I read, 'are you okay?' I sat down on the couch and laid my head back. Even though the idea made me nauseous, I knew that I needed to talk to her. I lifted my phone to call her and my thumb hung over the button. I hesitated. Then, it rang, causing me to sit up. She was calling me.

Against my better judgment, I clicked accept, "Hello."

"Mamo-chan," she whispered, "I've been worried."

"I'm sorry," I hated the pain in her voice.

"Last night..." she struggled with her words.

I sighed, "I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking."

"Mamo-chan," she paused for a moment, "It's okay. I know things escalated quickly, but I..."

I interrupted, "Usako, things did get out of hand. I shouldn't have let it happen. I know you would have never done anything if I had stopped it all."

"But, I..."

I cut her off, "I know you wanted to wait for the right person - someone you love, and who loves you in return. I'm sorry I took that from you." That truth hit me hard. I had stolen her most precious gift. My stomach twisted.

"Oh," she choked out.

I wanted to die. I wanted to take everything back. "Usako, I promise to keep this to myself. When you find the right person someday, you don't need to worry about this. Okay?"

Her whimper brought an ache to my heart. "Okay," she spoke softly, "I have to go now."

"Oh, okay," I replied, "Take care." I looked at the screen of my phone and saw that the call had ended. My grip tightened around it. I bit my lip, hating myself for all that I had done to the most sensitive heart I had ever known. I should have never entered Usagi's life. From day one, I had constantly hurt her. Suddenly, I tasted blood and realized that I bit my lip harder than I realized.

Standing up, I threw my phone on the couch and grabbed my carry-on bag. I went into my bedroom and began cleaning out my dresser drawers. Roughly, I threw the random things into the bag, but my movements immediately stopped when I saw Usagi's bracelet. I picked it up and stared at it for a long time. I wondered if I should give it back to her. Sighing, I dropped it in the bag with the rest of the things I planned to take with me to America.

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Glancing around my apartment for the final time, I picked up my suitcase and carry-on bag. I mentally said a farewell, walked out the front door, and locked it for the last time. On the way out of the building, I dropped my key off in a lockbox next to the landlord's office. As I took the last steps out of the building, I couldn't help but glance back. I let out a sigh and made my way down the streets of Tokyo to one last stop before grabbing a cab.

I arrived at the Crown and waited to see Motoki turn around. As he did, his eyes widened. "Mamoru, it's been a while. It hasn't been the same since you quit."

"I know," I stated. Guilt claimed me. He had been so kind to me, and I had rudely avoided him.

"Hey, don't feel bad. You've probably been busy," he smiled, noting my shame. "Can I get you something to eat?" he asked.

I declined, "No, I just came to say goodbye."

"What do you mean?" his questioned in confusion.

"My flight to Harvard is this afternoon," I explained.

"Wow, I still can't believe you are leaving," he sighed then smiled, "We'll keep in touch, right?"

Slowly, I gave a weak nod, "Yeah, I'll call you when I can."

"You better!" he grinned for a second and then his expression shifted, "Have you seen Usagi?" I shook my head and he frowned, "Listen, I don't know what happened between you two, but I don't think she's slept much this past week. Every time I see her, she asks me if I've seen you. It kills me when I say 'no' because the hope in her eyes drifts away with my answer." Staring me right in the eyes, he spoke firmly, "You're my friend, Mamoru, but so is Usagi. She's like a little sister to me, and I don't like that she is upset. She wants to talk to you, and only you."

"I will talk to her as soon as I can," I gazed down at the ground, uncomfortable under his stare.

He said sadly, "Mamoru, when you first came here, you were really closed off. Usagi changed you. You do not want to lose her."

"Okay," I wasn't sure what else to say. I looked at the clock on the wall, "I really have to go."

He sighed, "Okay, good luck in America. Come back if you can." I smiled weakly, nodded, and stepped out of the Crown. I started searching up and down the street for a taxi.

"Mamo-chan?"

Stiffening, a gasp escaped my lips. Slowly, I turned around to find my greatest fear. Standing with worn, wide eyes, Usagi looked at me in disbelief. She stared at me so defeated. Clenching my jaw tightly, I fought the urge to take her in my arms and comfort her. I had to look away. "Hey," I said awkwardly.

She pointed at my suitcase. "You're leaving today?" she asked sadly.

"Yes. My flight leaves this afternoon," I stated.

"I wish you didn't have to go, but I know it's an awesome opportunity." My heart tightened as her eyes filled with tears. "Mamo-chan, when you said that I would someday find the person who I loved..."

I began to sweat, "Yes."

She put her hands to her chest, "You are that person for me."

My breath caught. After everything I had done, I didn't expect this. She was so confused. I wish she could see that I could never be that person. I shook my head, "No, Usako, I'm not." Suddenly, I caught sight of a cab and lifted my hand in the air. I shouted, "Taxi!" The driver noticed me and pulled up in front of the curb. I turned to her, "There is someone else out there that is much better for you."

"You're wrong, Mamo-chan," she disagreed.

I rebuked her, "No, I am not." The taxi driver popped the trunk so I put my suitcase in it. After getting it stored away, I closed the trunk and looked at the tears that were falling freely down her face. I swallowed and went to her. I didn't listen to my conscience as I hugged her. "Usako, this is all really confusing but I am not worth your tears. Thank you for everything you have done for me, but it's best if you just let me go."

"No, I can't," she sobbed. I let go of her, and her eyes locked with mine. "I love you."

My heart skipped a beat. It had been more years than I could count since I had last heard those words. I stepped back, feeling the pain of my past. It was too much.

I reached into my carry on bag and pulled out her bracelet. I took her hand and placed the chain in it. I closed her fingers around it, "Someday, give this to the person you cherish the most. They deserve it."

"Hey," the taxi driver yelled, "I need to get going!"

I continued to step away from her. I went to the car door and opened it. Looking back at her, I said, "Usagi..." She flinched at my lack of her nickname. I continued, "Forget about me, Usagi. Your life will be better without me in it." I sat down in the back of the cab and shut the door.

"Where to?" the driver asked.

"The airport, please," I answered. As the cab drove away, I avoided watching her disappear from my sight. I just stared straight ahead, trying to shake from my mind the burning image of her tear stained face. This was all for the best. She would move on and find the love of her life. Eventually, I would be but a memory. However, for me, I had a feeling she would never fade away. "At least I was able to get away first this time," I whispered selfishly to myself as I left Tokyo behind.

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