IMPORTANT NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR (PLEASE READ):
Sometimes it takes separation for two people to become who they are meant. This is happening to Usagi and Mamoru, so as their point of views are told, there will be some time overlap between the chapters.
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Crossroads in Life
Written by Princess Kayla
Inspired by Naoko Takeuchi's "Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon"
Chapter Seven
View from a Rabbit
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The fire crackled as I sat by the campfire. I loved how smells were connected to certain seasons, and the smell of the burning logs was a pleasant reminder of autumn. I pulled my coat closer to me as the crisp air blew orange, yellow and red leaves down around me. Winter would be coming soon, which was so hard to believe. I felt a tickle in my lower stomach and laughed lightly. I rubbed my belly and spoke softly, "Are you cold too?" Another little flutter came, and I smiled. Getting up, I waved to the other girls, "See you all tomorrow." The girls said 'goodbye' as I walked away. It was so nice having relaxing activities like the campfire night; it was an opportunity to talk to others in the same situation. I was so grateful for Shizukesa College and the support I received.
Seven months ago, I wasn't sure how safe I would feel so far from home, alone...
. . . . . . . . . .
The taxi dropped me off at the administration building. Pulling my suitcase through the large double doors, I took a breath and walked up to the front desk. "May I help you?" the woman behind the desk asked me.
I swallowed, "Yes. I am Usagi Tsukino, from Tokyo."
The woman looked at her computer and clicked a button and her printer started up. She grabbed the papers from the printer and handed them to me. "Welcome, Miss Tsukino. We are so pleased to have you here," she pointed to another set of doors behind her, "Head through there and walk down the hall. This building connects to the dormitory." She motioned to the papers she gave me. "There is a map in there. Specific locations are marked on there to help you. Dr. Mizuno will be visiting you soon, so go get settled." She opened a drawer, grabbed a pair of keys and handed them to me.
"Thank you," I said and followed her directions.
Finding the way to my room was easy thanks to the map. I unlocked the door and gazed inside. Slowly, I stepped over the threshold. I dropped my bags on the floor and shut the door behind me. The room was about the size of my one at home. It had a small empty wooden desk in one corner and a twin sized bed in another. On the bed laid two folded sheets, a blanket, and a pillow with an extra case. Next to the bed set a white nightstand with a lamp and an alarm clock. I noted the empty open closet. To the right of the closet was a door cracked open, revealing a small bathroom. Lastly, there was a floral cushioned window seat. I walked over and opened the cream colored curtains to gaze down onto a lovely garden full of laughing girls, some with rather large bellies.
I blinked as a drop of water hit the windowpane. I reached up to touch my damp cheek. I realized that soon I would be like one of those girls outside, with swollen stomachs. They all seemed so young, just like me. My heart ached as I wondered how I would ever be able to take care of a baby. Another tear fell.
However, at the same time, I couldn't help but feel a sense of relief as I saw the girls laughing. They didn't look afraid. I was definitely going to have to step out of my comfort zone to find my place, and then, perhaps, my fears would somewhat ease.
I jumped at the sound of a knock at the door. Quickly rubbing my eyes, I hollered, "Come in!"
The door opened and a woman entered, wearing a white lab coat. She was about my height with dark bluish hair and eyes. She grinned and gave a short bow of her head, "Hello, I'm Dr. Mizuno."
I returned the bow and replied, "I'm Usagi Tsukino."
"Nice to meet you," she looked down at the clipboard in her hands and flipped through some papers, "You're from Tokyo, and you've just graduated from high school?" I nodded, and she continued, "Very well, I'm going to be your doctor from now on; is that alright?"
"Yes, Dr. Mizuno," I agreed.
She chuckled, "Please, I hate formalities. Do call me Ami."
I smiled weakly, "Okay, but only if you call me Usagi."
"Of course," she returned the smile. Looking around the room, she noted, "Oh, I guess I was in such a hurry to meet you, I didn't give you enough time to unpack; I suppose I can come back later."
"For what?" I asked.
"I like to be the one to give my patients their first tour of the place, but you're not even settled in yet," she frowned.
"I can wait to unpack," I stated, "I'd rather have a tour first so I can have an idea of where things are."
"Are you sure?" she questioned with a hopeful look.
"Yes," I said as my face got red, "I'm kind of hungry, too."
"Well, then! Our first stop will be the cafeteria!" Ami's grin gave me an odd sense of warmth, and suddenly, I felt a little bit safer.
She guided me to the cafeteria where I picked up a meat bun and water. I nibbled on the food as Ami showed me throughout the school grounds. Though on the outside it seemed small, actually it was quite large. Not only were there dorm rooms and classrooms, there were also medical rooms for check ups. One of the final spots on the tour was the garden, where we took a seat on a bench situated under a large weeping willow. The wind blew through the branches creating a peaceful whisper about the air. I closed my eyes to listen to nature's tune.
"I see you like it out here," Ami said softly.
Opening my eyes, I nodded to her, "It is very peaceful."
"Yes, it is," she took in a deep breath, enjoying the air as well. "What do you think of all of this?" she asked me after a moment.
I looked around at all of the girls in the garden talking with each other and appearing to have a good time. "I didn't know what to expect when I got here. I thought, maybe, that everyone was going to be sad or something like that."
"Did you think that because you are sad?" she questioned me with kindness in her voice.
I shrugged, "I am full of different emotions. I am happy that my family is supporting me, lonely because I had to leave them, scared because I cannot believe that I have a baby inside of me, and sad because I miss..." I let my words trail off.
"Usagi, I know it all seems so far away and so close all at the same time," Ami placed a hand on my shoulder, "But, remember, you are not alone here. All of these girls have stories to tell, and they will welcome you. I will be here every step of the way, too."
"Thank you," I said softly.
She looked at her watch, "Why don't we get you back so you can get your things unpacked? I'm sure you want to check in with your family."
"Yes, I do," I agreed and followed her back to my room.
After she dropped me off, I went to the unpacking process. Once I had the bed made, I opened my suitcase and sorted through my clothes, hanging some in the closet. I then placed everything else that I had brought with me in random places throughout the room. It definitely wasn't the same as my room at home, but it would do. Suddenly, I found myself growing sleepy; I didn't realize how tired I was from all of the travel and walking the campus. I rested on the freshly made bed. As I looked around, I felt alone, but then a thought occurred to me. Placing my hand on my stomach, I smiled lightly knowing that I wasn't alone.
. . .
As I answered my door the next morning, I was greeted with a sweet smile. "Hello, Usagi!"
"Good morning," I replied in greeting, "Would you like to come in?"
"Yes, thank you!" The girl, who appeared a little order than me, entered. Her short red hair bounced as she enthusiastically sat down on the window seat. "My name is Naru Osaka. I work in the registration office. I would like to talk about your schooling while you are here at Shizukesa." She grinned brightly, "I love your hair!" I blushed at the compliment and then she pointed at me, "And that necklace is beautiful."
My hand immediately touched the charm so I gazed down at it, mumbling a small, "Thank you."
"Anyway..." I hadn't noticed the clipboard in her hands until she started flipping through some pages. She grabbed a pen and looked at me, prepared to gather information, "I saw that you have completed high school, and you are wanting to go ahead and start taking some courses throughout the summer. We will get some basics in order - math and such. However, I want you to pick some electives." I nodded and took a seat on the bed as she continued. "So, what types of things are you interested in?"
Shrugging, I replied, "I'm not sure."
"That's okay. Let's see," she turned to another page. "We have classes such as Art or Music. We also have Writing, Debate, and..." she suggested.
"Writing," I interrupted. "I would enjoy writing."
Her eyes brightened, "Awesome!" She scribbled on the paper. "We will also have you in some Physical Education and Health classes, but they are all adjusted with your pregnancy in mind." Hugging the clipboard to her chest, she grinned, "Usagi, you are going to love it here. I know it can be scary, but believe me this will be wonderful. I don't know what I would have done without this place."
I was surprised, "You had a baby?"
She nodded, joyfully, "Yes, four years ago. I was so supported here throughout my entire journey. Not only did I receive encouragement with my little Umino, I was able to balance being a mom and finishing school. I loved it so much that I just couldn't leave." She laughed, "And, luckily, they offered me a job."
"Wow," I said simply, amazed by her excitement.
She glanced at her watch and grinned, "Dr. Mizuno wants me to lead you to her clinical room, where you will have your first appointment."
"Appointment?" my stomach twisted.
She stood and headed to the door, "Don't worry, Usagi. Everything will be fine." Nodding, I followed her as she headed down the hallway, out some doors and into the next building. This building was clearly more medical in atmosphere, like a real doctor's office. Naru went to the desk and checked me in. I looked around at a couple of other girls waiting. "You can have a seat and they will come and get you soon," Naru said with a smile, "I have to go and welcome another girl. I will get all of your classes figured out and get back to you." She waved, "See you soon, Usagi!" With that, she left.
It felt strange being in a doctor's office because I had avoided them back home. The idea of going to the doctor made it even more real than I could handle at the time. "Usagi?" I jumped as Ami called me from the open door, "Are you ready?" I stood up and walked past her down the hall. "First room on the right," she directed. Entering the room, I took in the examination chair, computer, and counter with supplies. "Have a seat, please." As I awkwardly climbed up on the chair, she asked, "So, did you sleep well?"
"Somewhat," I answered.
"It will take some time," she explained, "But don't be afraid to be honest about how you feel. Not with me."
"Thank you," I said softly. After a couple of moments, I opened up, "I wanted to come here. I believe this is for the best - for me...my family. But, this doesn't seem real."
"How about we change that?" She said as she went to the computer. It was then that I realized the computer was actually an ultrasound machine. My heart began to race. "Relax," she comforted me with a gentle tone, "Lay back for me." She helped me to recline the chair. I rested back, nervously. "Okay, lift you shirt so I can see your stomach." Slowly, I followed her direction. She then took some jelly and squeezed it over my abdomen. I shivered; it was rather cold. "Okay," she took the wand and rubbed it across my belly. I stared up at the ceiling, counting the tiles.
My breath caught as a pounding sound filled my ears. "Now, that's the heartbeat, and..." She continued rolling the wand across my stomach, "...and there is your baby." My eyes immediately went to the screen to see the profile of the tiny body. Ami pointed on the screen, "Now this is the spine and the head. Right here, that's one of the hands. Oh, and that fluttering right there, that is your baby's heart."
I watched as the little one moved, heart beating away. Suddenly, a sob escaped me, and I quickly covered my mouth. That was my baby. "He's beautiful," I whispered.
"Well, it's too early to see if we have a boy or a girl," she smiled, "But, yes, your baby is beautiful."
I nodded, and tears started slipping from my eyes. I was overwhelmed and overjoyed. But, an intense sadness filled me, as I couldn't help but wish Mamoru had been at my side to witness this amazing gift.
. . . . . . . . . .
The memory of the baby's heartbeat was replaced by the sound of the crackling fire as I continued to walk back to my building. My life had changed so rapidly since those first days. Now, seven months later, I felt safer than I ever imagined I would. This place had become a second home and the girls, my second family. I was given encouragement and support, which led to my doing well in school and staying healthy for my baby.
Ami was such a blessing, not only as a doctor but also as a friend. She helped me in more ways than I could count. She saw the pain within me that came from missing Mamoru, but she didn't push me to talk about him unless I wanted to. Just knowing that I was able to come to her was such a comfort. She also made me feel more secure with my family and Minako not being with me.
I tried to call my parents once a week and loved sharing with them the kindness I had been shown. I knew that it reassured them on allowing me to leave home. They came and visited me at the end of summer, and seeing the place soothed their anxieties. They saw the attention I was getting and the knowledge I was gaining. They hated leaving me, but they were happy that they were leaving me in such good hands. We made plans for me to travel home to visit at Christmas. The baby was due at the beginning of January, so there was a possibility that I would have the baby during my time in Tokyo.
Time was going by so quickly.
Classes were going well. I was very thankful for Naru signing me up for the Writing 101. Amongst all of the basic college courses, Writing gave me a special type of sanctuary. My teacher, Naoko Takeuchi, was so wonderful. She was an inspiring woman. She had written many successful teen novels. She still wrote, but she found joy in working with younger aspiring female authors. It was a fun class where students would go around, share stories and give advice to one another. Because of the atmosphere, I felt open to sharing my writing and found myself desiring to create more than I had ever before. In fact, as I walked back to my room, I desired to put my pen to paper.
Smiling, my pace sped up once I reached my room. My desk was covered with journals, in attempt to take captive of every idea that came to my mind. I sat down and opened one of the journals; there was something soothing about scribbling on paper. Pulling the drawer open to get a pen, I paused. Inside, a simple black notebook rested. It was the one that I wrote in when Mamoru overtook my mind. I wrote random recollections from times we had together. Sometimes I scribbled out letters where I told him everything that I wanted to say. I wanted to tell him about the baby and about how much he hurt me, but the letters were just a mumbled mess of emotions, and, in all honesty, I had no idea what I would actually say to him.
After grabbing a pen, I closed the drawer, trying to return to the idea that I had initially sat down to write. However, I couldn't remember it. Instead, my memory went to Minako's call from some time back...
. . .
"Usagi," Minako said with apprehension in her voice. We were in the middle of our usual weekly catch up, but instead of her normal bubbly self, there was a strange tension.
"Mina, what's wrong?" I asked, "Has something happened?"
"Well," she began slowly, "I didn't know if I should tell you this, but I didn't want to keep any secrets from you."
"Okay?" My heart began to beat faster.
"Moto told me that Mamoru called him," she finally said. A lump instantly filled my throat. Concerned, she asked, "Are you okay?"
"Oh," I murmured.
"He told Moto that he broke his phone," she explained, "Maybe that's why we didn't get ahold of him." I nodded, not realizing that she couldn't see me. "Usagi, I'm sorry," she said sadly.
"No, it's okay," I swallowed, "Did he say how he was doing?"
I heard her sigh. "Well, Moto told me that he asked him about school and random small talk. He told Moto that he has been busy with summer classes and such," she stopped for a moment, "and, he asked about you."
I squeezed my phone tightly, "What did Motoki tell him?"
"You know that I haven't told Moto why you really went away for school," she declared with strain in her voice. She was so kind to me, and selfishly, I asked her to keep the pregnancy secret from Motoki, the one she loved so much. I hated myself for that, but I wasn't ready for him to know. She continued, "Moto just told Mamoru what he knew - that you left town to go to school and that you had told me you were doing well."
"Mina," I said softly, "I'm sorry. You are such a good friend."
Her voice lightened, "You have the right to tell whoever you want about your pregnancy whenever you want."
"Thank you," I replied.
"But," Minako added, "Motoki told Mamoru that you still have the same phone number and he could just call you."
"He hasn't," I whispered.
"I assumed as much," she said flatly, "But, listen, Motoki saved Mamoru's phone number in his phone and I can get it for you if you want me to."
Suddenly, I felt like I could vomit, the idea of calling him overwhelmed me so intensely. I didn't think I could handle talking to him now, especially over the phone.
"Usagi, it's okay if you aren't ready," she reassured me. Then, with aggravation, she added, "Honestly, I think it's okay if you never tell him."
I knew she was playing her part as my bodyguard and I smiled, "Thank you, Mina. I don't think I am ready right now. I know I need to tell him, but it feels almost too late now for some reason. Maybe I just don't know how to say it over the phone. I don't know."
"Well then, just follow your gut. Take care of yourself right now, okay?" she said with kind sternness.
"Thank you for always being there for me." I truly was thankful - eternally, thankful.
. . .
I put the pen down and leaned back in the chair. Whatever idea I had to write down was long gone. Constantly I returned to this battle - to call Mamoru or to just leave it be. I could feel myself being pulled in two different ways, and suddenly, I was very tired.
. . . . . . . . . .
The brilliant white world outside my window made me shiver so I snuggled deeper into my blankets. Finals were over and I couldn't help but feel lazy. Perhaps it was the snowy weather that made me want to do nothing more than stay cuddled up in my bed. Yawning, I knew I needed to get up and start packing; I would be heading home for Christmas in two days. I could only imagine what Shingo would think of my huge belly. Laughing to myself, I knew I needed to prepare for childish fat jokes that only a little brother would get away with.
A knock came at the door, causing me to sigh. "One second," I shouted as I awkwardly sat up. Reluctantly, I pushed my covers aside. Groaning, I stood up and went to the door. The sight of the person on the other side triggered a girly squeal. "Mina! What are you doing here?"
She did her best to hug me from around my stomach, "Usagi! I missed you so much!"
"I missed you too! Please come in." I moved aside for her. She dropped her duffle bag to the ground. After a moment of looking around my room and then at me, she put her hands on her hips, "Have you been in bed all day?"
I shut the door and laughed, "Well, you try being this pregnant."
"Okay, okay! I'm sorry!" Minako grinned and sat on the window seat.
I went back to sit on the bed and asked again, "What are you doing here?"
"I'm done with classes, and I asked your mom if I could pick you up to drive you home since you weren't going to fly," she motioned around her, "Thus, here I am."
"You are so sweet! Thank you!" I said happily.
"Have you packed yet?" she asked me. When I shook my head 'no,' she laughed, "Of course. Well, I will help you." She stood up quickly, "But, first, can we get something to eat?"
I chuckled, "Okay. Let me get my shoes and coat."
. . .
After a nice meal in the cafeteria and a short tour around the school, I was tired and my feet were sore. We returned to my room and, even though it wasn't exactly time for bed, we both put on our pajamas. I went ahead and got back into bed; my feet immediately thanked me. I watched as Minako spoke dramatically with her hands, telling me about how her finals went, what she got Motoki for Christmas, how she went to see Luna, and so on. It was wonderful.
"Oh!" she grabbed her bag and started digging inside of it, "I got you something!" After a moment, she pulled out a piece of fabric. She straightened it and then held it up for me to see, "Ta-da!" It was a blue onesie with 'Future Actor' written on it.
I laughed, "That is so cute, Mina, but I don't know if it's a boy. I didn't want to find out."
"I know," she smiled mischievously, dug again in her bag, and held up a pink onesie that read 'Future Actress.' "I came prepared!"
"You're awesome," I declared, loving my friend's silly nature, "I'm sure, with you around, there will be several plays in the future."
"But, of course," she affirmed. Uncontrollably, I let out a long yawn, causing Minako to say, "If you are ready to go to sleep, that's okay."
I shook my head, "No, I'm okay. Besides, I don't know where we will both sleep."
"Well..." Again, she searched through her bag and, with a grunt, pulled out a blow up mattress. "Always be prepared!"
"Wow! You are so crazy!" I exclaimed.
"In a good way, right?" she asked me, and I responded with a nod of agreement.
Once the mattress was aired up and I got some extra blankets from the closet, we switched off the light and settled down in our beds. "This kind of reminds me of when we were kids. You know, all of our slumber parties?"
"Yes," she agreed with a sigh, "Except, I feel like we are old farts now." We both giggled, and for a moment, I felt like I need to quiet myself in case my mother heard and told us, yet again, to go to sleep. It amazed me to think how quickly the time flew by. It seemed not too long ago that we were little girls imagining the day we would become mothers, and here I was, unbelievably, almost one. "Usagi," Minako whispered, "Even though things have changed and will continue to, I think we should keep those little girls we once were safe within our hearts."
I was surprised. It was as if Minako had read my thoughts. Suddenly, I wanted to cry, but I contained myself and whispered back, "Me too, Mina." Truly I wanted to, but I had felt that little girl within me already slipping away. I wasn't sure if I could keep her. Sighing, I said softly, "Good night."
"Good night, Usagi. See you in the morning," she replied, and quiet filled the room.
. . .
A stab in my side woke me. Groaning, I put my hand on my belly and turned, trying to shift into a more comfortable position. That was when I noticed that my bed was damp. Sitting up, I pulled the covers aside and found the sheets wet around my bottom. Another stab came, and I groaned louder. This time, Minako awoke. "Usagi," she said as she rubbed her eyes, "Are you okay?"
"No," I replied, "I don't feel good."
Quickly, Minako jumped to her feet and turned on the light. As she came to the bed, she noticed the sheets and gasped, "Usagi, I think your water broke."
Shock claimed me, and though I knew she was right, I denied it, "That can't be. I'm not due for another couple of weeks."
"I think you are in labor," she tried to comfort me, "Don't worry. It's okay, Usagi. Just tell me what I need to do."
In my mind, I rushed through the list of things I was taught in my Childbirth Class. I closed my eyes as another stab came. Once it passed, I took a breath and answered her. "Call my doctor. Her number is in my phone. Dr. Ami Mizuno," I pointed to my phone on the desk.
Minako quickly followed my direction and spoke into the phone, "Hi, this is Minako, I'm Usagi Tsukino's friend. I am with her in her room, and we believe she has gone into labor."
. . .
I clenched the blanket as another shock flooded through my senses. Desperately, I tried to imagine that I was somewhere else, but the pain kept drawing me back. The hospital room felt more like a prison. I could not accept the reality of the situation. I was in labor.
Suddenly, I felt like I couldn't breathe. I looked to Minako who stood next to me; I knew my eyes were full of fear as she came closer to my side and placed a gentle hand on my arm. "Minako," I asked, painfully, "Is this really happening?"
Before she could answer, Ami again came into the room with two nurses behind her. She had checked on me several times, watching my progression closely. She gave me such a kind smile, "Usagi." She walked over to my other side and gently, squeezed my hand, "Sweet girl, you are going to be just fine." I wanted to believe her so badly, but everything overwhelmed me. She gave Minako a firm look, "I want you to stay by her side through this, but only if you think you can handle it."
Minako swallowed and answered seriously, "I'm staying."
"Great," Ami was obviously pleased. She then went to the edge of the bed and looked under the sheet. "Okay, Usagi. You're ready. It's time to welcome this little one into the world."
Fear seized me so tightly that I felt like I was going to be crushed beneath its weight. I shook my head and looked at Minako, "I can't do this."
She grasped my hand, "Yes, you can, Usagi. You are the strongest person I know."
"No," I disagreed, "I am weak. I'm so scared." Tears started to burn my eyes.
She took my hand and placed it on her chest, right over her heart, "Usagi, you are so courageous. Look at all that you have done. You left your family to come here so that you could grow and learn as you prepare to be the best mom possible. You have an unwavering spirit. I know you don't believe that, but it's true. You inspire others to be better and love without judgment." She paused as tears rolled down her cheeks. Finally, she let out a soft sob, "You inspire me, Usagi."
My emotions overtook me, as I, too, allowed my tears to fall. "Thank you, Mina."
"Okay, Usagi," Ami brought my attention to the task at hand. The nurses came to my sides and held each of my legs. Giving me a look of strong encouragement, Ami ordered, "Now push." Taking in a deep lungful of air, I did my very best to work all my muscles into a forceful push. After a moment of pushing, I let out a ragged breath. The pain was difficult to handle, and my tears had become ones of distress. "Good job, Usagi," Ami praised me, "Here we go again. Push." This time my free hand went to my neck and I squeezed on my rose necklace. I don't know why I did so, but it gave me comfort.
After several more rounds of pushing, I felt myself growing weaker and weaker. I leaned against Minako, who stood steady at my side. "You're doing so great, Usagi," she cheered me on, "I know you are tired, but don't give up."
"We are almost there," Ami affirmed, "Now, give me one more big push."
"You can do this," Minako said with admiration.
I nodded, an unknown strength sweeping over me. With a loud groan, I gave the hardest push possible. Suddenly, I felt a great release. That's when the most amazing sound filled the room - my baby's cry.
"Congratulations, Usagi! It's a girl! Now, I will cut the cord and get her cleaned up," Ami cheered as she quickly gave the tiny one to a nurse.
I rested my head back against the pillow and sighed. I was exhausted. After a couple of moments, the nurse brought my daughter to me. She rested her against my chest. I could not believe it. There she was in all her remarkable wonder - my daughter. I laid my hand gently on her back and began to sob. All the pain left me. This precious little miracle was mine, and I already loved her with all of my being.
"Usagi, she is so beautiful," Minako whispered in awe, leaning down next to me to look at her better.
"She's incredible," I wept.
"Yes, she is," Ami said as she approached.
I looked up at her with overwhelming gratitude, "Oh, Ami, thank you so much."
"You're very welcome, Usagi. You did amazing," she smiled and brushed my hair off my damp forehead, "I'll give you some time alone." She gently touched the top of my baby's head and left the room.
My eyes returned to the angel on my chest. I watched as she breathed, letting out sweet grunts. She no longer cried, and I wondered if she felt safe in my arms. I hoped she did because I never wanted to let her go. "My little girl," I said softly as I kissed the top of her head, "I will love you for the rest of my life."
"Do you have a name?" one of the nurses asked me, clipboard in hand.
"I don't know," I replied, realizing that I hadn't prepared for one of the most important things - naming my baby.
Minako pondered aloud, "Well, that nose reminds me of you. She's almost a little you."
"A little me?" I wondered and then a name came, "Chibiusa."
"Chibiusa," Minako grinned, "So cute! I love it."
"So, Chibiusa?" the nurse asked.
I nodded and smiled at my baby, "Chibiusa, welcome to the world."
. . . . . . . . . .
"You are just so precious," my mother said as she cradled Chibiusa in her arms. Instead of going home for the holidays, my parents and Shingo came to Shizukesa after Minako had to head back. They booked a nearby hotel so they could visit with me.
My father stayed for a week, celebrating Christmas before having to return home with Shingo so that he could get back to work. It took everything in him to leave. It was so wonderful when he first saw Chibiusa. With delicate hands, he picked her up and stared at her like she was the most amazing thing he had ever seen. It warmed my heart as he gently consoled her whimpers, saying, "Don't cry, Chibiusa. Don't cry. Grandpa is here." I will treasure those memories forever.
Gleefully, my mother grabbed my attention, "Oh, look! She has her eyes open so big and bright." I smiled watching her excitement. "Usagi, her eyes are just like yours, but this hair!" She brushed the top of Chibiusa's head, "I can't believe how much hair she has and so dark!" My heart clenched. Many had commented on how much she looked like me, but every time I looked at her, I saw only her father. More than anything else, her black hair stood out - the same color as Mamoru's. Of course, I knew she would have some of his characteristics, but her hair sometimes overwhelmed for me. However, my endless love for her never faltered.
"So," my mother said, "When will you be ready to come home?"
I sighed because I knew this question would come. I had thought about the answer for some time and after talking with Naru and Ami, I made my decision. "Mom, I want to stay here."
Her eyes widened, "What do you mean?"
"There are opportunities for me here," I explained, "I want to continue with school, and there are great services here to help me care for Chibiusa while I do so."
"But," she protested, "I can help you back at home. You can find a school there."
Seeing her clear disappointment, I responded gently, "Mom, you are so wonderful. You showed me what it is like to be a good mother, making sure to always do what was best for Shingo and me. I have considered my options, and as Chibiusa's mother, I believe I will serve her best by continuing my education here, at least for a little more time. I want to provide for her without being completely dependent on others for the rest of my life."
After a moment, my mother's expression changed from distress to understanding. She smiled at me warmly, "I am very proud of you, Usagi. You are already becoming an amazing mother. However, I want you to know that you can always ask for my or your father's help."
"Of course, I know that," I said happily, "This doesn't mean that we will not see each other."
"I know," she agreed and then pulled Chibiusa in for a kiss on her forehead, "I will come and see you both every chance I get."
I went to her and hugged her shoulders, "You are always welcome. I love you, mom."
"I love you too," she replied as she leaned into my hug.
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Bells rang across campus as the large campus clock chimed twelve, celebrating the start of the New Year. I looked into the basinet next to me to check on my daughter. Even though I thought the bells were loud, she slept so soundly. She cooed softly, and I wondered if she was dreaming. I put my finger in her tiny hand as a deep longing returned. I had so many dreams for my future. I imagined that I would be married and then a little baby would come. The three of us would walk through the rest of our lives hand and hand. As I looked at her, I couldn't help but wish that Mamoru was holding her other hand.
My heart ached as I held back a sob. I knew that I had to let that dream go. He told me to let him go. My path was different than his, and I had to accept that. I had to start focusing on the future that was ahead. Swallowing hard, I whispered, "Chibiusa, it's a whole new year, and I know a lot of things will be scary for us. But, Chibiusa, I know that we will help each other. Together, we will be able to handle whatever comes our way. It's you and me against the world." Suddenly, she squeezed her little fingers and I couldn't help but smile as I pushed my longing for Mamoru deep down where I prayed it would stay.
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Please Pardon Grammatical Errors and Review.