More jumping, just a little one

Chapter 12

"Oh you have grown since last week." Tara took the little baby from my arms the moment we pulled up. Nodding to the driver, I went inside.

"I can't stay long. King Desmond might call on me and I had better be at the castle if he does." Tara sat down,

"Desmond is here? Why? For how long?" I raised an eyebrow.

"'Desmond'? Is there some very long and strange history story here?" Lyss wriggled in Tara's lap, demanding to be sat up.

"It's not that long. Desmond is my second cousin, when he came to power he exiled his entire family besides his own heirs to remove any risk of us trying to overthrow him since his claim to the throne is false, or can be seen that way if we wanted it to be." I was speechless. I looked around took in the small house.

"He exiled you and kept your family's wealth for himself?" She nodded as best she could with a baby's hands exploring her face. "So I married my dead non-fiancée's fourth cousin. Fantastic. Alyssa's step-father is also her fifth cousin." Tara laughed.

"The relation is so distant it doesn't matter." I watched my daughter play with her grandmother, though she couldn't do much being barely a few weeks old. I noticed that her hair had grown more than I'd thought it would since her birth. It was tickling the bottom of her ears now and preparing to spill onto her shoulders. The colour brought up a torrent of feelings I wish it wouldn't.

"I miss Jackson." Tara stopped cooing to Lyss and cradled her closer to her chest.

"We all do. Mary has been stricken with grief since he died. She blames herself." A tap on the door jolted me from my pain slightly.

"I have to go." I scooped Alyssa back into my arms. "Please tell Mary not to blame herself. Jackson would have done it for anyone, but he wouldn't have even been there if not for me." Before I could listen to Tara telling me not to think like that, not to blame myself in Mary's place, I stepped outside and pulled the door firmly shut behind me. When the wind hit me, I quickly bundled Alyssa up in the blanket I left on the carriage and pulled her as close to me as possible.

"My apologies. I didn't mean to interrupt your Majesty, but Kai sent a rider to ask you to return to the castle." I smiled in thanks and he called the horses to ride. I ran a hand through Alyssa's hair. The same colour, the same texture, the same smell as her father's. I took a deep breath and blinked away the threat of tears in the corners of my eyes. Alyssa's eyes closed softly and her breathing slowed. I smiled at the peace she radiated. She was so blessed in so many ways and I couldn't ask for more for her, besides the desire for her father to be alive and to be my husband, but that was an impossibility I daren't dwell on.

"I know you were with Tara, I'm sorry, but King Desmond wanted to talk with you." I nodded.

"Well I need to feed my daughter, so he can wait on me. Is Anna in the castle?" Kai followed me up the staircase.

"She and Kristoff just returned, the rider called them back when he called you back." Alyssa started to make fussing noises as she started to get overly hungry.

"Can you please send her to my room, she can watch her while I see Desmond." Kai nodded dutifully and dashed back down the stairs to find my sister. Opening the door to my room, I was relieved to see it was empty for now. I sat on the bed and put my legs under the covers. Before Lys could make too much noise, I gave her what she wanted. As she fed, I had nothing to do but think. Particularly about the impending conversation with Desmond and trip to the Isles. I know that Nik and I both have an explanation in place for Alyssa's hair at least, being nothing like her 'father's' or mine. The eyes are harder, the brown colour her eyes have decided on is nowhere in my family and aren't too common in the Westerguard family tree since the hazel of Nikolai's eyes is a rare greenish tinted blend of his father's green and his mother's brown. He's told me before that only three of his brothers have the colour and none of his sisters. The likelihood that his daughter would have brown eyes is unexplainable within reason. These little things are going to be my downfall, or at the very least, Alyssa's.

"Elsa?" Anna cracked the door open.

"Hey, come in. It's just us." She shut the door and sat on the end of the bed, crossing her legs under her. She smiled at her niece before returning her attention to me, a look in her eye that was a mix of worry and sadness I couldn't quite grasp.

"You're going to the Isles with Nik." It wasn't a question, but I nodded anyway. "You're taking Alyssa." I didn't have to respond for her to continue. I couldn't hear the undertone properly, but if I was to guess I would say Anna was angry at me. "To a family of people who all look pretty much the same and are more than likely to notice that Alyssa looks nothing like them at all." I released the breath I was holding to add to the list of things that made this trip a bad decision.

"And the chance Desmond will notice his 'granddaughter' looks a hell of a lot like his second cousin Tara Overland is increased tenfold." Anna's mouth opened a little as she processed the new information that only made things worse. "I don't want to go, I don't want to take her and Nikolai sure as anything does not want to see his family, but Desmond has unofficially claimed Arendelle through the alliance and he has a lot of pull in said alliance. There's no choice on whether we go or not." Alyssa squirmed and I fixed the collar of my dress and leaned her over my shoulder with a rag.

"Elsa, I think this lie is only going to get harder to cover up. I don't think there is going to be any magical fix to this problem." This time I couldn't stop all the tears from falling and one broke through my defences.

"I just wish that Jackson didn't die and there was no Isle's proposal and the stupid council would have just allowed the engagement and then I would have married Jackson and there would be no problem." I my voice rose with every word and I had to take a second to calm Alyssa down enough to get her to burp rather than cry. "I just wish this isn't how we ended up." I wiped my face and managed a grim smile. "At least you have Kristoff I suppose." Anna put a hand on my leg, mirroring my grim smile as she fought the tears of sympathy in her eyes.

"If I could give up what I have with Kristoff for you to have Jackson back, you know I would do it in a heartbeat. The only problem is that there is no way to bring him back; no way to change the past. You still have him though. Some part of him. In your memories, and in your heart." She paused and smiled at Alyssa, running a finger through her hair. "In your daughter. You'll never completely lose him." I brought Lyss back down into my lap and she clapped at Anna. I smiled, and for once it felt genuine and free of the weight of sadness.

"I need to go see Desmond. Thank you for babysitting." Anna waved me off and cradled the little baby in her lap.