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Crossroads in Life
Written by Princess Kayla
Inspired by Naoko Takeuchi's "Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon"
Chapter Eight
View from a Rose
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Trumpets and drums worked in unison, inspiring school pride throughout campus. Over a few years, the school theme had become a natural part of my world. When I transferred to Harvard, I started my first classes in the summer, and since then, I remained a full time student every consecutive fall and spring semesters, with a couple of summer courses each year. Because of my effort, I found myself about to begin the first semester of my senior year.
Time was difficult to comprehend; I had grown so used to living in America that it was sometimes hard to believe I used to live in Japan. In a strange way, I was happy. There were things in Japan that I was glad I had left behind. Nevertheless, there were some things that I still felt a longing for - someone in particular. When I felt that longing, I looked to school or work for distraction.
I found a job at a nearby coffee shop. It was nice because I was able to save up money for arbitrary expenses, while Sir continued to generously assist in my tuition. However, I couldn't help being uneasy because his calls had become even more rare than usual. Perhaps, he was more disappointed at my decision than I imagined.
Sighing, I tried to put that unease aside and focus on the coffee order I just received. After returning the change to the woman, I made the grande vanilla latte. "Mamoru!" I heard my name shouted as I handed the drink to the woman. Thomas from the International Language Club waved at me as he and his girlfriend Lily took a seat. Even though Thomas had graduated last year, he stayed in town and worked at a local financial firm as an advisor. He still dropped by the club from time to time, keeping in touch with all of us.
"What would you like?" I asked him since no one else was in line.
"Two coffees, black," he replied.
"Okay." I poured the drinks and took them to their table. As I sat the cups down, I inquired, "How have you two been?"
Lily thanked me and answered with a impish look, "Pretty good." She smiled brightly as she lifted her cup of coffee in the air, intentionally revealing a bright diamond ring on her finger.
Surprised, I pointed at it, "You guys got engaged?"
She nodded cheerfully and took Thomas's hand, "He proposed while we were on vacation."
"Well, congratulations," I patted Thomas on the back.
"Thanks, man," he grinned.
"So, have you picked a date?" I questioned.
"Probably, next summer. I will be done with school by then," Lily determined.
"You graduate next summer, too, right?" Thomas asked me.
"Yes, that's right," I answered, "But then I have to start my residency."
"Do you plan on staying in the United States?" Lily asked.
Honestly, I really had no idea what I would do, but at the moment, I didn't like the idea of going back to Japan. I shrugged, "I'm not sure yet."
"It would be nice if you could stay," Thomas commented, "It's been great having you here." I smiled in thanks as he continued, "Do you plan on keeping up with the club again this fall?"
"Yes," I nodded, "With you, Guillermo, and Julia gone, it's been different, but we have had new students join every semester."
"Good," he grinned, "I love stopping by when I have the chance, and I am glad you have stuck with it. That helps a lot for the new people."
"Mamoru, we have another customer," my manager called from behind the counter.
"I've got to go. Congrats again!" I waved and hurried back to work.
. . . . . . . . . .
On the first Tuesday of the fall semester, I headed to the library for International Language Club. We had been on a hiatus for a couple of weeks because of people going out of town, so I was curious to see who would be joining. As I walked into the reading room, I was happy to see some students already present. Evelyn had taken Guillermo's place, so she stood at the front, welcoming everyone as they came in.
"Hey there, Mamoru," she cheered, "It's good to see you!"
"You too." I looked around to see Patrice from France, Duan from Honduras, Madden from Italy, Adriana from Puerto Rico, and a couple of American students named Lindsay, Kevin, and Chris. "Any new students?" I asked.
Patrice shook her head, "Not yet."
Madden looked at his watch, "Should we go ahead and start?"
Evelyn glanced at her phone, "We might as well." Everyone took a seat as she grabbed a piece of paper out of her bag, "Okay, I know everyone has heard the introduction before, so we can just skip that. Let's start by hearing what everyone has been doing over the summer." She put the paper down and directed her question towards Adriana, "What have you been up to?"
"Excuse me?" Everyone turned to see a girl standing at the door.
"Hello," Evelyn greeted, "Are you hear for Language Club?"
The girl bowed her head in a familiar greeting, and struggling a bit, she said, "Yes. I am from Japan. My name is Rei Hino." As she lifted her head, her violet eyes locked with mine.
"That's cool. Mamoru is from Japan too," Kevin pointed in my direction, but the girl's attention as already on me. I felt so uncomfortable beneath her intense gaze.
Patrice interrupted the awkward moment. "Hi, I'm Patrice, you can sit by me," she placed a hand on the empty seat next to her. Accepting her invitation, Rei came towards us, her long black hair flowing back and forth as she walked.
As she took her seat, Evelyn began again, "Well, now that we have Rei with us, we can go over the basics." She smiled as she returned to the paper and gave the proper introductions. However, as she explained the details of the club, I kept noticing Rei looking at me out of the corner of her eye.
Before I knew it, the meeting was over; I must have completely zoned out. Standing up, I quickly gathered my things. My desire was to leave the room swiftly, but Evelyn stopped me. Pulling me aside, she whispered, "Mamoru, would you mind to talk with Rei and help her around? I can tell she is having some difficulty with her English." My initial reaction was to say 'no,' but I could tell that Evelyn really wished for me to help out. Sighing, I nodded. Her face lit up, "Thank you!" She walked past me, leaving me alone with Rei.
I tipped my head in a traditional bow and spoke to her in our native tongue, "Hello, I am Mamoru Chiba." Looking up, I stated, "Evelyn, thought that I could maybe help you somehow."
"Thank you," she said, "I arrived last week and haven't had much time to use my English conversationally."
"I felt the same way when I arrived at Harvard, but this club really helped me. I'm sure it will help you too," I tried to encourage her.
"It's nice knowing that there is another Japanese student involved." She smiled and the tension that I felt before eased. She looked about my age, yet there was something about her that seemed more mature than me.
She tucked her hair behind her ear, "This campus is a lot bigger than I anticipated. Would you mind showing me to the student union? I keep getting turned around." Hesitantly, I agreed and led the way.
"What year are you?" she asked me as we walked down the sidewalk towards the student union.
"Senior," I replied.
Realizing that I was not going to say anything else, she said, "I am a senior as well. I was planning on going to a college near Tokyo, but I decided to study abroad."
"I went to school in Tokyo for about a year, but transferred here, pretty much starting over. I decided to go down the medical path instead," I told her, "I will be starting my residency next year."
"Here in America?" she questioned.
I nodded, "I hope to."
"Do you not want to go back home to your family?" she asked inquisitively.
I missed a step, but quickly collected myself. I shrugged, "No. I don't have a family really."
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her lower her head as she gazed at the ground, "Me neither." I looked at her curiously, but didn't push for more information. Instead, I changed the subject, "What are you majoring in?"
"Religious studies," she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting," I commented as we arrived at the entrance of the student union. "Here we are," I declared, "I will see you around." I started to walk away when she stepped in front of me.
"Mamoru Chiba," she said my name as if she was taking note of it in her mind, "Thank you very much for your help."
"You're welcome," I said and then asked, "Are you going to be okay from here?"
Before she answered, a gust of wind came out of nowhere, ripping some papers out of her grasp. She gasped and hurried after them, her black hair whipping around her. Trying to help, I chased after the papers as well. Both of us grabbed them until one remained. We both dove for it and knocked each other to the ground. "I'm sorry," she gasped.
Shaking my head, I picked up the last piece of paper, "No, it's okay." She thanked me as I stood up. "Here," I extended my hand to help her up. As she took it, everything went still, including the wind. Her violet eyes were glazed over as she stared at me. I tried to ask her if she was okay, but I couldn't speak. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed by an image of another time...
. . .
A little boy, probably no older than four, sat up in a hospital bed. His head was bandaged, and there were scrapes across his face. So small in the large bed, he looked so pitiful. A nurse came towards the child, "Are you feeling any better, Mamoru?"
Her words startled me. This little boy was me, but it didn't make sense.
Some voices from outside of the room grabbed my attention. As if I were floating, I soared over to the adults who were speaking. One man stated, "His parents didn't survive the car crash. Have they found any other family members or legal guardians?"
"No, poor thing. He has been declared an orphan," another said.
The man sighed, "Well, he is going to have to be placed with child services. When can they get here?"
A woman replied, "This afternoon. I pray he will be fine. He is just so young."
"Sadly, I am afraid, this will all make him grow up quickly," the man stated, "Such a shame."
. . .
Ripping my hand from Rei's, my vision cleared. As I stumbled back, I let out a sharp gasp. I steadied myself and brushed my hand across my face. "What was that?" I breathed.
"I'm sorry!" Rei exclaimed with her hand extended out towards me. Her face was pale as she apologized, "I am sorry. I didn't mean to..." She stood quickly, with all of her belongings in her arms. Looking at the ground, she bowed her head in goodbye, "Thank you again for escorting me to the student union. I apologize. See you around." With that hurried statement, she disappeared into the building.
Stunned, it took me a couple of moments before I collected my things and walked towards my dorm building. Everything around me was a haze, and I felt a little nauseous. I was incredibly thankful once I found myself at my room. My hand shaking made it difficult to unlock the door. Finally, I was successful and hurried inside. I let all my belongings drop to the floor and fell down flat on the bed. I rested there for several minutes, breathing slowly as I tried to calm the queasiness in my stomach.
"What happened?" I wondered aloud. Gently, I ran my hand over the back of my head until I felt the familiar uneven area of skin. Just like the scar on my scalp, I knew that what I had seen was real. When I touched Rei, it was like I was transported back in time to that horrible day, but it was like I was observing it all from a distance.
Suddenly, the spot on my head began to ache. The pain reminded me of the last day with my parents. I was only four years old when I lost them, but I still remembered my father's voice and the smell of my mother's perfume.
That spring day started out so normal. We were taking a drive through the country after a fun picnic at this beautiful park, which was a hidden gem on the outskirts of Tokyo. Mother loved that park because of the cherry blossom trees. I remembered her saying how much she enjoyed "warm snow" because of the way the petals would fall gently from the trees. Father would simply laugh and kiss her; he adored her. I remember the way he held her hand as he drove the car on the way home. However, one moment of looking lovingly at her led to a disaster.
He didn't see the truck drifting into our lane until it was too late. I recall my mother screaming as my father swiftly swerved out of the way, trying to avoid impact. He overcorrected as he tried to regain control of car, and the next thing I knew, we were falling.
That's when everything went dark.
Beeping sounds woke me. Once everything came into focus, I found myself in a hospital room. I remembered calling out for my mother and father, only to have the nurse come in, attempting to sooth my cries. No matter how many times I asked for my parents, my request was only answered with sad looks.
Eventually, an older woman arrived. She was a stern woman, and I remembered her detached tone as she spoke. Since I had recovered, she took me from the hospital. I could still feel the tight straps of the car seat as we drove away. Slowly, I got up enough courage and asked, "Where is my momma and papa?"
Keeping her eyes on the road, she finally gave me the answer that I had been begging for, "Your parents died. They won't be coming back." I tried to process the word 'died.' I had heard it said before, but I did not know what it truly meant until I connected it with her 'They won't be coming back.'
It was late when we arrived at the orphanage, so I was sent to a bed as soon as I received a quick bowl of soup and a glass of milk. I ignored all of the children as they watched me lay down. Pulling my cover over my head, I let a sob escape my lips. That was the last time I truly cried. My eyes still burned from those tears...
Rubbing my hand across my face, I sat up in my bed, leaving that little boy behind. I looked around my dorm, replacing the past with the present. I felt exhausted from going through those memories, and I was angry. I was angry with Rei Hino for causing these painful thoughts to return. I still didn't understand what had happened, but I knew that I never wanted to see her again.
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Even though it was childish, I skipped the following club meetings. When Evelyn called to check on me, I told her that I had to pick up some extra shifts at work. However, I couldn't hide once Thomas walked into the coffee shop and came straight to me.
"Hey, man, you doing okay?" he asked me, clearly concerned.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I visited Language Club and was told that you haven't been there for awhile," he stated.
I shrugged, "I know. I had to pick up some extra shifts here; I have some bills that I need to pay."
He nodded, "That's understandable. Everyone misses you though." He rummaged through the satchel at his side and pulled out an envelope. He handed it to me; "Lily wanted to make sure to give this to you. Her parents are hosting an engagement party, and we really want you to come." He smirked, "Don't try to get out of it because Lily can be very persistent."
I took the invitation and agreed, "Okay, I will do my best to be there. Thank you."
"No problem. We miss getting together. We need to remedy that," he vowed.
"Sounds good," I agreed and pulled the card out of the envelope. I had never been to an engagement party before, which left me apprehensive.
Noting my hesitance, Thomas said, "Don't worry. It's nothing fancy. We didn't want to have a party, but her parents insisted." He laughed and pointed at me, "You have to come though. I'm going to need some manly backup against all this frilly madness."
I laughed as well, "Okay, I've got your back."
"Thanks! See you then," Thomas waved as he left the shop.
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As I walked into the restaurant, I realized that I had no idea what to do. Looking around at all the unfamiliar faces made me very uncomfortable. I tugged at my tie; I felt completely out of place.
"Mamoru!" I sighed with relief as Lily came towards me; finally, a face that I recognized. She smiled brightly, clearly excited for her celebration. "I am so glad you came," she said, "I mean, I knew you would, but I am still very happy." As she laced her arm into mine, she started guiding me around the room, "At first, I didn't know what to expect. My parents have a tendency to go overboard." She laughed, "But, I will tell you a secret; I can't help but enjoy myself."
"That's good." I motioned around to all of the people, "You have a lot of friends."
She waved her hand as if she was brushing away my statement, "More like my parents have a bunch of friends." She grinned and squeezed my arm, "But I am thankful for the ones we do have. Thanks for being such a good friend for Thomas."
Her words surprised me, "I'm not really."
"Oh, yes you are," she disagreed. "Now, come," she directed, "We have a table set up for our friends." She continued to lead me through the crowd.
Once we made our way to the table, I saw her - Rei Hino. I hesitated for a moment, but Lily pulled me forward. "Here we go, Mamoru," she stated as she pointed at the empty chair next to the girl that I had done my best to avoid over the past couple of weeks. "Mamoru, this is Rei Hino. I got to meet her when I visited the club," Lily explained, "I thought you two would have some things in common because Rei is from Japan as well."
"Hello, Mamoru," Rei greeted. I could tell she was uncomfortable as well.
"Hello," I nodded.
"Lily!" someone shouted from across the room.
"Coming," Lily shouted back. She returned her attention to us, "Well, I have to make my rounds. You two have fun!" With that, she left us alone.
Reluctantly, I sat down next to Rei and noticed the name cards on the table. Lily had arranged for me to sit next to Rei. That's when it clicked; this was a set up. Lily and Thomas must have planned this as some kind of blind date or something. I couldn't help but groan.
"So, you figured it out, too?" Rei asked in Japanese.
Reverting back to Japanese, as well, I replied, "It appears that they think all Japanese people will get along." Immediately I regretted my statement when I saw a tinge of pain go across her face. Sighing, I apologized, "I'm sorry. I don't know how to act at things like this."
"It's okay," she said softly, "I don't either."
We both watched the crowd quietly for several minutes before she tried to start a conversation. "How have you been?" she asked.
"Fine," I replied flatly.
"You haven't been back to the club since that day..." her statement drifted off at the end.
"I've been working overtime," I lied.
She waited for a moment and then gently said, "I'm sorry for what happened. It's rare, but I don't know how to control when it happens."
"I don't know what you're talking about," I again lied.
"Yes, you do," she rebutted, "I saw your reaction." I remained silent, refusing to acknowledge anything. That was until she said, "I am sorry about your parents." My eyes met hers. There was sadness in her eyes, "My mother died when I was little too."
I swallowed hard and was about to stand when Thomas' voice came through a loud speaker. "Hey, everyone. Lily and I want to thank you all so much for coming to celebrate our engagement with us. This is such an amazing time for us, and we are so grateful to share it with all of you. Now, food will be served in a moment and then some speeches will be given. So, please relax and enjoy."
Everyone went back to talking, but I stayed still. I was so confused by Rei's knowledge of my parents. That's when I realized that Rei had seen what I had when we touched that day. I couldn't understand how that was even possible.
I turned and stared at her, "What are you?"
She frowned, and anger was added to her tone, "I'm not some freak; if that's what you are getting at."
"Well, how do you explain what happened?" I returned with a stressed tone as well.
"I can't," she stated with disappointment, "It's happened to me since I was little."
"What is 'it'?" I asked.
She lowered her voice to a whisper; "I don't want to talk about it here. It's hard to explain, but please let me try. Can we go outside?"
Of course, I should have said 'no', but instead, I stood up. She did so as well, and we tried to leave the room as inconspicuously as possible. Once we were outside, I walked a little bit away from the restaurant and returned to our conversation. "Okay, what are you talking about?" I questioned.
She fidgeted as she replied, "When you took my hand, you saw yourself in the hospital as a little boy. Am I correct?" Slowly, I nodded. "I saw the same thing," she replied, "I don't know why, but it happens from time to time when I touch something or someone. It started when I was little, after my mother died."
"I don't understand," I said honestly.
She sighed, "I think it has something to do with my family. My mother was able to see the future when she touched people or things, but I only see the past." Frowning, she said softly, "I was never able to ask my mother to explain why this happens. That is why I am a religious studies major; I am trying to find the exact answer."
I swallowed and tried to process what she was saying. It all sounded like something out of a science fiction novel. "This is all hard to believe," I said, "I mean, you're saying you have visions."
"Yes. That is what I am saying." She affirmed. "But I don't talk about it because, well, I don't want to be looked at like how you are looking at me right now."
Suddenly, I became aware of my cruelty. Even though I didn't believe her, I didn't need to treat her like an abnormality. I frowned, "I'm sorry, but you have to understand how crazy this all seems."
She cocked her head to the side, "Well, actually, I do. I have been labeled 'crazy' my entire life. I was hoping to get away from it all by coming here," she crossed her arms over her chest in an irritated fashion, "but then I met you, and it all smacked me in the face."
"Look, it's not like I did anything," I defended myself.
"I know," she was frustrated, "but we have to get past this. It probably won't happen again, so we need to move on. You need to stop avoiding me and come back to the club. I know you loved being there with everyone."
It irritated me how right she was; I was being juvenile.
"Deal?" she stuck her hand out for me to shake it. I just stared at her, so she stepped closer to me and repeated, "Deal?"
Taking a deep breath, I took her hand. I waited, but nothing happened. No vision. No nausea. She waited until I shook her hand and agreed, "Deal."
"Good," she smiled, "Let's sneak back in before someone thinks we came out here to get to 'know' each other better." She gave a light laugh, which surprised me.
"Wow," I was amazed, "You pushed all the tension aside quickly."
She paused for a moment and her forehead tightened in confusion, "You're right. That's strange." Realizing she was still shaking my hand, she let go. A small smile claimed her lips, "Now, let's worry about that later. Come on." Her words puzzled me, yet I still followed her back inside the restaurant where we spent the rest of the party simply eating our meal and quietly listening to the many happy toasts.
. . . . . . . . . .
After my conversation with Rei, I decided to return to Language Club. When I arrived, Rei was already there. She gave me a smile that said something like 'good for you.'
"Mamoru!" Evelyn stood up as I went to take a seat with the others. "I'm so glad you have come back!" she exclaimed.
"Me too," I said with a small smile. Once group had started, it felt like I hadn't missed a single meeting. I understood then that these people meant something to me. I felt at ease around all of them, which was something I didn't expect since I first came to Harvard. However, as I was comfortable, I noted that nervous way Rei tapped her foot. Watching her face made it clear that she was struggling to keep up with the conversation. Suddenly, I was reminded of myself from a few years ago. Seeing that, I pitied her.
When the meeting ended, I debated if I should talk to her. After a couple of moments, I hurried out of the library to catch up with Rei. "Rei," I called. Slowly, she turned around and immediately looked confused. "Hey," I said as I came to her.
"Hi," she said simply.
Considering my words, I carefully said, "You are struggling with the English, aren't you?"
She looked down at her feet, "Is it that obvious?"
I shook my head, "No. I am the only one who noticed because I was reminded of my first semester."
"I studied English throughout school, but it's hard to apply it to real life," she explained.
"I know what you mean," I affirmed. Taking in a breath, I made an offer that was out of my character, "I could help you."
Surprised, she gazed up at me. "That's very nice of you," she said softly, "I would greatly appreciate it." As she glanced at her watch, she asked, "I have somewhere to be, but would you like to meet for lunch tomorrow around one o'clock?"
"Okay," I agreed, "Sounds good."
"Great," she smiled brightly, "See you then."
As she left, my memories went to a little girl from long ago. She lived with me at one of the foster homes. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't recall her name, but I remembered how much she struggled with reading. Even though I knew that I could have helped her, I didn't. The memory of that little girl reminded me of Rei. It was like an opportunity to actually help was in my grasp, and this time, I took it.
I knew the desire to help came from a person who had sought to change me, and in some small way did. Usagi had inspired me to help people, especially after witnessing her doing so at the hospital or around school. I couldn't deny the impact watching her had on me.
The ringing of my cell phone interrupted my thoughts. 'Thomas' came across the screen so I accepted the call. "Hello?"
"Hey, Mamoru. I have a random request, and I know it's several months away, but I was wondering if you would be an usher at the wedding," Thomas asked.
"Usher?" I wasn't familiar with the word.
"Yes. Basically, you will take people to their seats. It's not a difficult job, and we will go through everything with you before the big day," he explained, "What do you say?"
I gave a laugh, "Well, I can try."
"Great! Thanks, Mamoru," he said happily, "I owe you."
"No problem," I replied with a genuine smile.
. . . . . . . . . .
"It's okay to take your time to process what people are saying to you," I explained to Rei as we sat with our lunches in the student union, "After awhile, you won't need as much time to keep up with the conversation." Rei wrote down my advice as she took a bite of her salad. I laughed, which caused her to stop mid chew and look at me. Shaking my head, I took the pencil from her, "You don't have to take notes."
She swallowed and sighed, "I have felt so out of place that I am nervous I won't be able to catch up on everything. We are already in the middle of the semester, and I feel so behind. It wasn't like this in high school."
"Where'd you go to school?" I asked and ate a bit of the sandwich I had bought.
"I went to a private all-girls school," she stated.
"Wow, that sounds fancy," I said between bites.
"It wouldn't have been my choice, but Mister insisted, which is ridiculous," with aggravation, she slumped back in her chair.
"Mister?" I repeated, "Who's that?"
"Oh," she must have realized in that moment that she had brought the man up without meaning to. "Well, it's complicated."
"That's okay," I said, knowing I had no right to push the topic.
Rei picked at her food, and even though I didn't ask any more questions, she continued, "I call my father 'Mister.' I know that seems weird, but I really have no desire to call him 'father.' The only place in my life that he involves himself in is my education. Can't have a well-known politician with an uneducated daughter. No, that wouldn't be acceptable."
I was shocked. Her situation seemed familiar to my own. "You know, that's actually not that weird."
She stared at me, "What do you mean?"
"I call my father 'Sir'," I stated and then paused for a moment, "I guess I do that because he really isn't my father." She put her fork down and leaned forward, as if encouraging me to continue. I did so, "My parents died when I was a boy." She nodded, and I remembered her having the vision.
"When I was almost eight years old, I was adopted. His name is Hiro Takehiko; he is a very successful, businessman." Now, I played with my food as I spoke, "He never married or had any kids, but he comes from a business empire that was passed down from his grandfather. Sometimes, I think he adopted me because he knew he wanted to pass it down to someone that he has control over."
"You really think that is the reason he adopted you?" she asked.
I nodded, "Yes. Anything else doesn't make sense. I was an unwanted kid; I was passed through child services until Sir found me sleeping in his tree."
"What?" Rei questioned with surprise.
"Crazy, right?" I leaned back in my chair, "I had been living on the streets when one night the police started chasing me. I ended up in Sir's yard and climbed up a tree to hide. They didn't find me so I fell asleep. The next morning, I woke up to him shouting up at me." I paused to take a drink of water. "He had the opportunity to tell the police I was there, but he didn't. Instead, he called for his maid, and she took me inside." I sighed at the memory, "She let me take a bath. It was the first one I had taken in so long and it felt amazing. I left dirt everywhere, though."
"Wow," Rei commented.
"Yeah," I continued, "I expected the police to be there when I got done, but instead, my clothes were returned to me, washed, and the maid had a meal set out for me in the kitchen. I can still taste that breakfast." Rei smiled at me sympathetically. "I remember thinking that his house was a castle; I had never been in a place so nice. Once I finished eating, she took me into another room and told me to wait. There were so many books, and I remember walking along the shelves, looking at all the titles."
"So, that must be why you are so good at learning," Rei remarked.
"Maybe," I said, "but I think it had more to do with Sir's insistence when it came to my studies."
"I see," she nodded, "Did he finally call the police?"
"Not exactly," I explained, "He startled me when he came into the room, and immediately, I found myself standing up straighter. He looked me over several times and then asked me if I enjoyed reading. I told him that I did, but rarely had the opportunity. He went on to ask me who I was, why the police were after me, and so on. I expected him to turn me into the police, but it wasn't like that."
I pushed my food aside, no longer hungry. "After my many weeks on the run, I ended back at the orphanage, but for some reason, Sir didn't just walk away. I guess he asked my caseworker several questions because before I knew it, he adopted me."
"Wow, that's odd that a single man would do such a thing," she said in awe, but then concern took over, "How did he treat you?"
"Honestly," I stated, "He really wasn't around. We had the occasional dinner, but mostly, I only ever saw his house staff. It was strange because it was like I was given my own house with good food and clean running water. He did give have requirements that I was expected to meet, but it was pretty much doing basic chores and keeping excellent grades. I had a private instructor that would come to the house. It wasn't until I was a senior that he let me attend an actual high school."
"Why not until then?" she asked me.
I shrugged, "Truthfully, I don't have an exact answer. Maybe it was a test. I think someone on his company board pushed him to have me enrolled in school at least one year before college."
She nodded as if she understood my explanation. "He is seems similar to Mister," Rei remarked.
"How so?" I asked, genuinely shocked to find how easy it was to be open about all of this.
"My mother died when I was a little girl. She fought cancer for over a year, but eventually lost the battle." Rei's eyes seemed to glaze over as she spoke of her mother. The way her voice shook told me that she greatly missed her. She sighed, "Mister was barely around while she was sick. I only remember him checking on her a couple of times while my mother and I pretty much lived at the hospital." Frustration clung to her words, "After she died, Mister didn't know what to do with me, but he remembered that my mother's grandfather was still alive. He made arrangements, and the next thing I knew, I was dropped off in a unfamiliar city about an hour from Tokyo to live with my great-grandfather, a man I had never met in my life."
"Did your mother ever talk to her grandfather?" I asked.
"Really, I thought all of my mother's family was gone," she stated. "But I quickly learned that the reason no one had spoken of my great-grandfather was because he had dedicated his life to the Hikawa Shrine as the Head Priest. He had separated himself from the outside world, including my family."
"But he took you in?" I questioned.
She nodded, "Yes, but he barely communicated with me or anyone else who worked at the shrine." She paused to take a drink of her water and then continued, "Mister paid for me to live at the shrine and for me to go to school, and I, too, was expected to do chores and make good grades."
"Were you okay there?" I inquired, "I really know nothing about shrines."
"It was really scary at first, but then I experienced..." she paused and glanced around the room. She leaned in and whispered, "but then I experienced my first vision."
The nauseous feeling that I had felt when we first touched returned, and I became uncomfortable. Even though I had experienced the vision, I was still torn on whether to believe it or not. However, in her expression, I could see the fear of not being accepted, so I listened to her.
"One day, I was asked to go sweep up some leaves, and I noticed a tree that I had never paid attention to before. My mother's initials were carved in its bark. When I touched it, I saw my mother, as a little girl, praying at the base of the cherry blossom tree. I knew it was her because I heard someone call her name, which made her get up and go back to the shrine. After that, my sight returned to the present," she explained. "It scared me, and I was sick to my stomach for the rest of the night." Taking a deep breath she locked eyes with me, "I know you still don't believe me, but I promise you, I am not lying."
Her gaze was sharp, and finally, my gut told me to give her the benefit of the doubt. "Okay," I nodded, "I will try to understand."
A small smile pulled at her lips, "Thank you. That's a start."
I smiled as well, and asked her to tell me more, "What happened after your first vision?"
"I didn't tell anyone," she continued, "Not at first. It happened a couple of more times until one day when I had a very intense one. It was my first time to light the ceremonial candles. When I picked up the antique candle lighter, I again saw my mother. This time she was a teenager; she was standing in the same room as I was, same lighter in her hand. She suddenly stiffened; her eyes glazed over, and then she passed out on the floor. My great-grandfather found her..."
"What happened to her?" I was worried when Rei let her words fade out.
After a couple of moments, she began again, "My great-grandfather held her until she woke up. When she finally did, she began to cry. She said that she saw her future daughter."
"You?" I assumed.
She nodded, "Yes, me. She said that she saw herself dying with me by her side." I watched her swallow a sob. "That's when my great-grandfather told her that she had seen the future."
"And, you were at your mother's side, at the hospital?" I expected her to tell me.
"Yes, exactly," she affirmed, "After that vision, I passed out. Ironically, I woke up in my great-grandfather's arms. That was the first time I had ever been close to him. He asked me what I had seen, so I told him. What he said shocked me. He told me that I was gifted like my mother, but while my mother could see the future, I saw the past." She laughed sarcastically, "Gifted? It's not a gift in my opinion. I mean, what can I do with visions of the past?"
"I don't know." Truly, I didn't. I didn't understand any of this.
"He told me that he also had visions, but his were both of the past and the future," she explained, "He said that it takes time to develop control over the visions, but once I did and embraced my gifts, I could become a priestess like he wanted my mother to be." She shook her head, "I didn't want to embrace my 'gift'. I didn't want anything to do with it. So, as soon as I graduated from high school, I went to a private college. I decided to focus on other religions; I wanted to find some way to remove the visions all together. Then, I saw the opportunity to study abroad, and immediately took it. By coming here, away from Japan, I felt like I could finally be free."
"I guess it hasn't worked," I commented.
She smirked, "Actually, I didn't have another vision until I met you."
"Oh," I was surprised, "Why?"
"I have no idea," she shrugged, "But you are the first person besides my great-grandfather that I have ever spoken to about this."
I thought for a moment, "I have never talked about my parents or Sir like this either."
"Though I hate to the word," she sighed, "Maybe it's 'fate'."
"I don't think I believe in fate," I smiled gently.
"I didn't," she laughed, "But from this conversation, I am starting to."
"Why do you say that?" I questioned.
She tilted her head, "Seriously, 'Sir' and 'Mister'? That's weird."
Slowly, I nodded, "You are right about that, but that could just be coincidence."
"We'll see," she smiled and then looked at her watch, "My next class starts in fifteen minutes and we haven't ever talked about English."
I glanced at my watch as well and was surprised that time had passed so quickly, "I need to get going too."
She stood up and grabbed her tray, "What about we give it another try tomorrow?"
"Sounds good," I agreed and gathered my things. "See you tomorrow."
With that, we went our separate ways. As I headed to class, I noticed that I felt lighter. I wondered if exchanging pasts and being open about everything had taken some of the weight off. It felt so easy to talk to Rei because, truthfully, I saw a similar loss in her. That sounded selfish, but it was a relief. Sharing with her things that often made me feel weak didn't seem as difficult as sharing them with Thomas or Motoki or...Usagi.
I had been closer to Usagi than anyone in my entire life, but I refused to tell her the truth about my past. I wondered what things would have been like if I had told her everything. I wondered if she would've accepted me. The fact that I would never know the answers to those questions overwhelmed me. Suddenly, I felt heavy again, but this time because of regret.
. . . . . . . . . .
School went on like normal over the next several weeks, and soon, the trees were becoming bare. Autumn was coming to an end, but a surprising and unforeseen relationship was continuing to grow. I was not one hundred percent sure what a real friendship was like, but compared to the moments when I was around Thomas, Lily, Evelyn and others, the moments I had with Rei were more enjoyable. She was a mess and I was a mess, and through our messes, we developed an unexpected companionship.
Since telling each other about Mister and Sir, we didn't feel awkward in sharing truths about ourselves. Yes, there were dark memories in my past that I avoided, but I felt like that was for my own sanity. I believed Rei had things that she held the same, and I respected that.
Over the semester, I helped Rei with her English, and things became easier for her. When I learned of a job opening at the coffee shop, I helped her to get it, which created more opportunities for her to learn. It was rewarding to see her confidence growing.
"That will be four dollars and thirty-eight cents, please," Rei spoke extremely well as she took a woman's order.
"She is doing so well, Mamoru," Evelyn stated as she observed Rei preparing the woman's coffee.
"Yes," I agreed as I cleaned a table next to her. I smiled, "She was really nervous at first, but she caught on quickly."
"It's thanks to you, you know?" Evelyn said, looking at me in an odd way, "She cares what you think about her."
I shrugged, "It's only because I helped her a little."
Evelyn smirked and shook her head, "No, it's not. She likes you, and I think in a more than friendly kind of way." I stopped wiping the table and looked from her to Rei. It had never even crossed my mind that she would have feelings for me. "Did you not realize?" Evelyn asked.
"I don't think that's true," I said. She rolled her eyes and returned to drinking her tea. I tried to put her words aside and return to cleaning but I was distracted for the rest of the day.
Later that evening, as I locked the door to the shop, Rei waited next to me. Whenever we worked until closing time, I walked her back to her dorm.
We started down the sidewalk in silence, causing an uncomfortable awkwardness. Finally, Rei interrupted the quiet, "Okay, what is going on? You have been acting weird all day."
"Nothing," I said flatly.
"Don't give me that," she rebutted, "You've been avoiding me."
"Really, it's nothing," I avoided the issue, proving her point.
She grabbed my arm to stop me. Staring me in the eyes, she demanded, "Mamoru, after all the crazy stuff we talk about, you can't be honest with me now?"
I looked away, "It's just something Evelyn said."
"What did she say?" When I didn't answer her, she crossed her arms and repeated more sternly, "Mamoru, what did she say?"
A puff of steam left my mouth as I sighed, "She said that you like me as more than a friend."
"Oh." She let her arms slowly fall to her side. A couple of quiet moments went by until she said, "That is true."
My eyes widened.
Seeing my distress, she playfully punched me in the arm, "Goodness, Mamoru. I don't like you 'that' way, but if I did, you would have really ticked me off just now."
I began to relax. "I don't understand."
"Yes, I care about you, but more like a brother." She glanced up at the starlit sky, "You know my story. You know I never had a real family after my mother died." Her face tilted back down and I could see her violet eyes glossy with tears, "It may be silly, but I have considered you my family for awhile now."
Suddenly, something warmed within me, and I knew that I felt the same way. Over the past couple of months, Rei had become like a little sister to me. I wanted to protect her and see her achieve her goals. Wiping her cheek where a tear had rolled, I smiled and teased, "Don't be such a crybaby."
She laughed and shoved me, "Don't be mean. Come on, I'm cold." She started walking again, and I had to take a couple of quick steps to catch up with her. From that point on, whatever awkwardness existed had disappeared.
. . . . . . . . . .
"Today is our last meeting before winter break," Evelyn stated to the rest of the club, "I know most of us will be heading home for the holidays, but I have been asked to mention an event that is going on during the break." She lifted a flyer in the air, "Love Loud is an event for children in need. It lasts for a week. One of the dorms will be rented out for the kids to stay in while they are on campus. There will be games, crafts, and such - similar to a summer camp experience. They are looking for volunteers, especially chaperones." She grabbed several flyers and passed them around.
As I stared at the one in my hand, Rei leaned over and whispered, "This could be fun." I shook my head, and she pouted.
"Just think it over. If you decide to help out, there is a number on there that you can call," Evelyn said before getting the last club meeting started.
After the meeting wrapped up, Rei stopped me before I could leave. "Mamoru, neither of us are going anywhere; we should do this."
"I don't know," I replied hesitantly.
"Don't worry," she said in a belittling voice, "I will be with you!"
"Knock it off," I groaned. I glanced over the flyer and mumbled, "If you really want to, I will do it with you."
"Great!" she cheered and took out her phone.
"You're going to call now?" I said, astounded.
She dialed the number and lifted the phone to her ear, "But of course!" I groaned and left the room, only to have her chase after me as she registered us for Love Loud.
. . . . . . . . . .
I adjusted the volunteer sweatshirt as the bus pulled up in front of the dorm building. It was the first day of Love Loud, and Rei and I, along with some other students, were trained and, hopefully, ready to take care of the kids for the week. Honestly, I was kind of dreading the event because I wasn't sure if I would be good at taking care of children.
Rei nudged me in the side, "No worries. This will be fun."
"Yeah, fun," I mocked.
The door of the bus opened and elementary age children with their backpacks flooded out. We were told that there would be ten boys and ten girls selected to attend the event, and it was our responsibility to watch over and make sure that they were well cared for.
"Welcome, everyone!" an older woman named Lori shouted, gathering their attention. She was the Event Coordinator, who promised to guide us however we needed. "We are so happy to have you here for the week. We are wanting you all to have lots of fun, but we need everyone to remember to follow the rules." She then read off a list of instructions to the kids, having to quiet them down every once and awhile. "We have some great volunteers helping us out," she motioned to us, "For the girls we have Monica, Rei, and Bree. For the boys we have Mamoru, Chris, and John. They will be sticking with you all throughout the week."
We all smiled at the kids and waved, receiving a few waves in return. I could tell some of them were just as apprehensive about being here as I was.
"First, we will start with room assignments. Boys are on the bottom floor and girls are on the second. There will be two to a room and your names are marked on the doors. A volunteer will be in the hall all night, so you won't have to worry about being alone." Lori clapped her hands together, "Okay, let's get everyone settled in. Volunteers, lead the way."
"Ladies first," Monica shouted, "Follow us girls."
"See you later," Rei waved at me and then helped to guide the girls into the building.
After they were all inside, John called, "Okay, boys, let's go." We escorted the boys inside and helped them find their rooms.
Once everyone was settled, we were told to take the kids to different activities for the rest of the day. The activities included sports and crafts, ending with dinner in the student union. I watched as Rei sat with a group of the girls, talking and laughing with them. Rei was so quiet and shy around most people, but she was stepping out of her comfort zone to make the girls feel welcomed. Maybe, she wanted to give them the attention she always wished she had gotten as a little girl.
I was still having trouble figuring out how to communicate, but I took the initiative, sat down at the boys' table and did my best to start up some conversations with them. I observed John and Chris; they both seemed at ease. I wondered if they had volunteered at an event like this before.
By the end of the night, with all the kids safe in their rooms, I texted Rei a 'see you tomorrow,' and took my shift as night guard. We were each required to take a three our watch by sitting at the end of the hall. To pass the time, I read a random book. Even though I took the first shift, my eyes were weak, and I quickly realized that reading a book was a bad way to go. I felt myself drifting off.
Suddenly, I was startled by the sound of a door opening. I looked up to see one of the boys walking down the hall. He looked confused and nervous. "Are you okay?" I asked and he gave a simple shrug as an answer. I sat the book on the ground and questioned, "Can you not sleep?" This time he nodded. "What's you name again?"
"Ben," he muttered.
I tried to remember what I was supposed to do during this situation, but I knew we weren't given any guidelines for this. I sighed and tried to think of something. "Hi, Ben. I'm Mamoru," I said. "Do you need to use the restroom?" He shook his head 'no.' "What about a drink of water?" Again, he shook his head.
I tried to think of something else. Then I recalled the many nights I couldn't sleep at the orphanage or a foster home - the category game. "Do you want to play a game?" He perked up and nodded. I patted the floor near me, and he came and sat down. "Okay, when I can't sleep I pick something like foods or countries, and then, I try to think of as many of those things as possible," I explained. "What is something you would pick?"
He thought for a minute and chose, "Animals."
I smiled, "That's great. So, now we start naming animals - like giraffe. Now your turn."
"Elephant," he mumbled.
"Okay, lion," I said.
"Turkey," he laughed. The list went on and on until Ben's eyes grew heavy, and he slowly fell asleep. I grinned and stood up. Gently, I picked him up and carried him back to his room. As quietly as possible, I put him back in bed, trying to not wake him or the other boy. I covered him up and returned to my seat in the hall. There I waited until Chris came and released me from the position.
I went to my assigned room and got into bed. As I waited for sleep to claim me, I started thinking about the category game. I had used that game as a way to help survive those lonely nights, but here I used it to comfort a little boy. I had never thought that something good would come out of something so bad. Realizing that, I felt a smile pull on my mouth and fell asleep.
. . .
The next morning, I woke up from a surprisingly restful night's sleep. My time with Ben gave me confidence to hang out with the boys, which led to me enjoying the games, crafts and meal times.
"Wow," Rei grinned as we watched the kids run an obstacle course.
"What?" I questioned.
"You're a different person today," she stated, "You look like you are enjoying yourself."
I played it off, "Just doing my job."
"No," she disagreed, "It's more than that..."
She paused when Ben shouted over to us as he finished his turn, "Mamoru, did you see that?"
I nodded and shouted back, "Great job!" Ben smiled and hurried over to do the course again.
Rei smiled even more, "You know, Mamoru. You are going to be an awesome dad some day." I let out a sarcastic chuckle. "What?" she asked, "I'm serious." I stared at her, and by the look on her face, I knew she meant every word. My attention returned to all the kids laughing and running around, and I tried to imagine one of them being my child. I couldn't grasp the idea.
I changed the subject, "What about you? I bet you would be a good mom." She shook her head. I rolled my eyes, "So, you can tell me I will be a good dad, but I can't tell you that you would be a good mom?"
"It's not that," she said as she gazed over the kids.
"Why?" I questioned.
"I like children, but I don't feel called to be a mother," she explained, "honestly, I don't even feel called to be a wife. There is something in me telling me that I want something else."
"What do you want?" I asked with surprise.
She smiled, "Now, that is a good question. I'll let you know when I figure it out." Suddenly, one of the girls yelled for Rei, so she left to join them in the game they were playing. As she played with them, I watched her with surprise. From the look of fun on her face, I wondered what else she wanted for her life.
Then, I wondered what I wanted for my life. Even though I never pictured myself as a father, I wondered if I could be. Truthfully, because my father died when I was so young, I didn't have a good example in my life of what a father was like. Furthermore, Sir wasn't what I imagined a good father to be. Without the knowledge, I didn't have a clue of what to do.
John called out to me and motioned for me to come over to the group of boys, "Mamoru, we need another player, come on!" Hurrying over to them, I focused my thoughts and joined in the game.
. . .
The next couple of days went well once routine set in and the boys all warmed up to me. I finally knew all their names, and they all knew mine. That made things even easier and activities became more entertaining. It was the first time in a long time that I felt at ease to laugh and let myself truly enjoy the fun.
The last time I felt that way was with Motoki, Minako and Usagi the summer before I started college, before I messed up everything. Looking back, I knew that it was my fault that those good times ended in disaster. I never wanted to be that Mamoru again.
"Why are you frowning?" Parker, one of the boys, asked me.
I wasn't aware that I had been, so I pushed my thoughts aside and forced a smile, "Sorry! I am just hoping we win this competition." With a group of five boys, I helped to design and fold paper airplanes. We were competing against the other group of boys and the two groups of girls.
Rei, Monica and Bree led the girls back into the classroom. They were cheering and shouting. One of the girls rushed over to our table and smirked, "My team won, Parker, and we are taking you down in the finals!"
Parker stood to his feet with his paper airplane in hand, "Prepare to lose!" He then turned to me, "Is it our turn?"
I clicked the button on my phone to see the time and nodded, "Yes." Setting the phone on the table, I stood up with our team flag, "Okay, boys, our turn! Let's go outside!" I heard John shout out to his group. Together, we all walked outside to fly our planes.
"Ready!" Chris yelled, prepared to judge the winners, "Set! Go!" The boys threw their planes through the air. We all watched as they headed towards the finish line, some falling to the ground quickly. The strongest ones continued through the air until one reached the end. It was Parker's; he won for our team!
Unintentionally, I jumped in the air. "Way to go!" I cheered. Parker ran to me and gave me a huge high five. I laughed and congratulated him. The joy that poured from me was so unexpected that I paused for a moment to collect myself. It seemed like such a silly thing to get excited over, but I was happy. Yes, I was happy.
"Boys, good job!" Chris exclaimed, "Now, get back into position and we will get the winning girls' team to come out here for the finals!" The boys all grabbed their planes, adjusted them, and went back to their places.
As the girls joined us, Rei came to me and handed me my phone, "Hey, you left this inside. You got a call from Japan."
"Oh?" I took my phone.
"Yes," she said, "It was a girl. She asked for you at first, but she then said she meant to call someone else."
My eyebrow rose, "That's weird. I guess it was a wrong..."
My words were interrupted as Monica stood at the finish line, yelling, "Girls, let's show these boys what we are made of!"
"Boys," Chris yelled even louder, "We got this!" I laughed and slipped my phone in my pocket, completely forgetting about the unknown caller.
. . .
"Does everyone have their belongings?" Lori asked as all of the kids prepared to get on the bus. The final day of Love Loud came much quicker than I imagined, and I was truly sad it was over. I glanced over to see a little red headed girl hug Rei, some tears slipping down her cheeks. Rei squeezed her tight and shushed her tears away.
"Mamoru?" My attention turned to Ben as he approached me. "I want you to have this," he said as he pulled out a blue clay dog that he made during one of the craft sessions.
I bent down to his level, "But this is yours."
He shook his head, "No, I want you to have it. You were the best leader." Surprised, I just stared at him. "Please, I want you to have it," he extended the gift closer to me.
Graciously, I took it, "Thank you so much, Ben." He then, to my complete shock, hugged me. After a moment, he hurried towards the rest of the kids and got on to the bus.
Once the bus drove out of sight, Lori came towards us with a weak smile, "I want to thank you all so much for your excellent help this week. You have no idea what a week like this means for those kids. I didn't let you all know because I wanted them to be treated like any other children, but these kids are orphans. We pray that each of them will someday be adopted."
Stunned, my heart clenched in my chest. Immediately, I was taken back to those feelings from my childhood. Emotions overwhelmed me as I thought about Ben, Parker, and the rest of the children living similar lives.
"Cherish those sweet smiles on their faces because no matter what a child's circumstances may be, they are each blessings and need to be given love," Lori stated, "Thank you for doing that today. I believe the love you all have shown them will stay with them forever." She gave a sigh and smiled, "Thank you, I hope you all have a great rest of winter break."
We said our goodbyes to each other, but as everyone left, I just stood there staring where the bus had been. Rei quietly came to my side and took my hand. The action didn't startle me or make me uncomfortable like it would have in the past. Rei then said softly, "You can relate to what they are going through, can't you?"
I looked at her, "Did you just have a vision?"
"No," she said, "I just assumed."
Nodding, I explained, "Yes, I imagine that I can relate in some ways, but I never got to experience anything like this event."
"It really is great," she commented, "and you were really great with the kids." She paused, "You know, maybe you should go into pediatrics."
Her suggestion inspired something in me. I knew that I wanted to be a doctor but I had never decided what I wanted to specialize in. Now, knowing the way it feels to care for children, especially those in need, caused a joy in me. "Maybe." I let the idea sink in and slowly, I saw that idea's potential. "Yes, maybe that's what I am meant to do."
Rei smiled brightly at me, "I know we haven't known each other for very long, but you are different from when we first met."
"A good different?" I questioned.
"A great different," she said and her grin deepened.
Taking in deep breath of fresh air, I knew that I liked who I was becoming too.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Please Pardon Grammatical Errors and Review.