IMPORTANT NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR (PLEASE READ):
Two chapters in two days. That is rare for me. I reread this chapter to the point that my eyes grew tired, so I hope there aren't too many grammatical errors. ;P
Everyone is so eager for Usagi and Mamoru to come together again. I promise to fulfill that need very soon. :)
There is some time overlap with this chapter and the last. As Mamoru grows in maturity, Usagi learns to stand tall. The relationships we have with others teach us things about ourselves. Mamoru needed to meet Rei, and now Usagi will meet a few new, and old, people on her journey.
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Crossroads in Life
Written by Princess Kayla
Inspired by Naoko Takeuchi's "Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon"
Chapter Nine
View from a Rabbit
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Needless to say, I was nervous about starting the next semester with a newborn. However, I was so blessed to be at Shizukesa. My schedule perfectly balanced my classes with my time with Chibiusa. While I was in classes, she was well cared for in an onsite daycare. I vowed to never take my time at Shizukesa for granted.
But, with a new year and a newborn, I found the urge to change my appearance. I desired something more sophisticated, but simple. Therefore, I took a day for myself and went to a nearby salon.
"Welcome," a young woman greeted me from behind the front desk, "Do you have an appointment?" Awkwardly, I shook my head 'no,' but the girl smiled and gestured for me to come back with her, "No, worries! I can take you." As I sat down in the salon chair, I lifted my long hair up so she could wrap a cape around me. As she snapped it in place, she commented, "I have never seen such long hair. It is so beautiful."
"Thank you," I replied, "I am ready for a change, though."
"Okay," she pulled my hairpins from the buns on the top of my head. As my hair fell down around me, I immediately felt different. I was accustomed to having this hairstyle, so as I looked at myself in the mirror, it was hard to imagine what I wanted. She lifted some of my hair, playing with it, "So, what do you have in mind?"
I shrugged, "I want something more grown up."
"How about something shorter?" she asked and took a group of my hair, pulling it down to the middle of my back. She then, moved it in front so that I could see it. "While this is much shorter for you, it is still pretty long in my opinion. We could add some layers that will give it some lift."
Reviewing her suggestions, I finally nodded, "Yes, let's do that."
She grinned, "Awesome!" She immediately went to work. Even though I agreed to the change, I couldn't help but stiffen as she made her first cut. I watched as half of my hair fell to the ground. A long breath left my lips. No turning back.
After a shampoo and dry, she spun me around and removed the gown. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. It took me a second to recognize myself. Standing up, I turned slightly to fully see the length. My golden locks were styled in loose waves.
"So, what do you think?" the hairdresser asked me, with a hint of concern.
Slowly, I nodded, noticing how lighter I felt, "I like it."
She grinned, "You look so stylish."
"Stylish," I repeated and laughed, "No one has ever called me that before."
"Well, now they will!" she declared.
. . .
Later that afternoon, I sat in an examination room, waiting for Chibiusa's two-month check up. After about ten minutes, Ami entered the room, "I'm sorry I am...oh!" She stopped and her eyes widened. "Usagi, I almost didn't recognize you. You look lovely."
I smiled, "I wanted something different."
"However, you looked just as lovely before," she grinned sweetly. She then reached for Chibiusa, "And, how is this little one doing?"
"She seems to be doing well," I stated.
"It's hard to believe that she is already two months old," she gently laid her down on the exam table.
"I know," I agreed, "I wish time would slow down."
She laughed, "I'm sorry to say this, but I am sure you are going to notice time flying by so much faster now that you get to watch this precious girl grow up."
"Don't say that!" I laughed as well, "I can't keep up!"
"You will do just fine, and it appears she is doing fine as well," Ami said as she checked Chibiusa over. By the time the appointment was over, she simply beamed and handed her back to me, "Usagi, you have a perfectly healthy daughter."
"Good," I took Chibiusa back and happily cradled her in my arms.
"What about you? How are you doing?" she asked me.
I replied, "I'm doing well. Tired, but well."
"I'm glad. I know you are staying again for this semester. Do you know what you will be doing for the summer?" she questioned.
Nodding, I answered, "Yes. I talked to Naru, and I am going to be taking summer courses so that I can be done with my associates degree by the end of the year."
"See," she gave me a warm smile, "Things are going to keep hurrying along."
"Yes," I affirmed, "Ami, you were right about so many things. I needed this place. Here, I feel so safe and supported. I love it so much, but..."
"But, you miss your family," she finished for me. I frowned slightly, so she laid a comforting hand on my shoulder, "Whenever you leave you won't be losing all of this. Shizukesa will always be here for you. Your teachers, the other girls, me...we will always be here so long as you need us."
"I will always need you," I said, sadness claiming me.
Ami just smiled, "Believe it or not, we will always need you too." She then put her hands on her sides and shook her head, "Now, enough of this gloom. We are not saying goodbye."
Laughing, I wiped away the random tear that had slipped from my eye. "Okay, you're right. Again."
"Listen to your elders, Usagi," she winked. I knew in that moment that Dr. Ami Mizuno would always be one of my most treasured friends.
. . . . . . . . . .
It truly was amazing how wise Ami was because before I knew it, time had slipped away from me and it was already Chibiusa's first birthday. My mother, father and Shingo came down a couple of days early to set up a small celebration. We rented a room at a local restaurant and covered it with pink decorations. Shingo kept asking why we would plan a party for Chibiusa when she wouldn't even remember it, but mom would just shush him and explain that we would all remember. That was what was important.
"Usagi," my father touched my shoulder to get my attention, "I know I say this every time I see you, but I still can't believe how grown up you look now." There was a slight sadness in his eyes as he looked me over, and I wondered if he missed my old appearance.
"I know," I smiled gently, "Don't worry though; I'm not completely grown up, yet."
He kissed me on my head, "Good. You will always be my little bunny." I laughed and gratefully gave him a hug.
"Oh, look!" my mother exclaimed and pointed at Chibiusa as she pulled herself up on the side of a chair. After a moment, she stabilized herself and let go. As she wobbled, we all held our breaths, but abruptly she dropped to the floor right on her bottom. She didn't cry, but a strong-willed pout covered her face. "It's okay, baby," my mother said as she picked Chibiusa up, "You will do it eventually."
"Mom, remember how clumsy Usagi is. If Chibiusa is like her, then it will take her a long time to get good at it," Shingo stated.
Dad scolded, "Shingo, you need to watch yourself."
"It's okay, dad. If I remember, it took Shingo forever to learn how to use the potty," I smirked. Shingo stuck his tongue out at me, and I mimicked the action right back. No matter how old we got, our relationship would always be the same. Love camouflaged by sarcasm.
Suddenly, my phone dinged with a message from Minako. "Minako is outside. I'll be back." My nerves took over as I left them. I knew I was about to take a big step, but it was time.
As I walked out of the restaurant, I had to take a deep breath. Finally, I waved as Minako and Motoki walked towards me. "Hey there," I greeted, swallowing my anxieties. Knowing how cruel it was of me to ask Minako to keep such a big secret from the one she loved, I had to push away my insecurities of what Motoki, the man who I considered my big brother, would think of me. So, I called him. I remember the conversation from a couple of months ago.
"Hello," Motoki answered and for a second, I found his voice hard to recognize. Again, he asked, "Hello?"
Collecting myself, I replied, "Hey, Motoki. It's Usagi."
"Usagi! How are you?" he exclaimed, "I haven't talked to you in so long."
"I know. I'm so sorry, Motoki," I apologized, "I am sorry for keeping you in the dark. I should have told you everything to begin with, but I was afraid of what you would think of me."
"Usagi, what's going on? Are you okay?" he asked me with evident concern.
I took in a deep breath and then exhaled, "Yes, I have been attending college, but the school I chose is not a normal college."
"Okay..." Motoki was clearly confused.
I continued, "Motoki, my school is for pregnant women and young mothers." I paused, gathering my words. Finally, I told him the truth; "I got pregnant at the end of high school. That's the real reason I left. That is the secret that I asked Mina to keep. Please, do not hold anything against her. She loves you more than anything, and it was selfish of me to ask her to not tell you the whole truth." I waited for all that I said to sink in.
Finally, he questioned me softy, "Does Mamoru know?"
It shouldn't have surprised me that he would connect the dots, but I was startled nonetheless. "No, he doesn't," I said flatly.
He didn't push the question any further. Instead, he said, "Usagi, you should have known that I would never think less of you. You are an important person in my life. Also, Mina keeping your secret makes me love her even more because I can see how trustworthy she is."
Smiling, I let out a sigh, "Thank you so much. Again, I am so sorry."
"No more apologizes. Now, I know, but I do want to meet your baby," he responded joyfully.
"Of course," I said just as happily, "Her name is Chibiusa. Please come the next time Minako does."
He let out a kind chuckle, "Chibiusa, that's pretty. I can't wait."
"Me neither!" I agreed.
That phone conversation was the key to unlocking the door that I had shut in front of Motoki. Now, as he and Minako walked towards me, the door was opened.
"Usagi!" Minako grinned as she hurried to me. As she gave me a big hug, I couldn't help but laugh. She pulled away and played with my loose hair flowing down my back, "You know, if you added a ribbon in the back, I think we could pass as twins."
"That's true," I nodded and then looked at Motoki.
Before I could say a single word, he pulled me into a hug as well, "I've missed you, Usagi!" Thankfully, I knew that all my insecurities were foolish; he truly held no judgments against me. As he let me go, he looked around, "Where is the birthday girl?"
Grinning, I motioned inside, "Right this way." I led them inside the restaurant. "Hey everyone, Mina and Motoki are here." Everyone greeted them. I went to my mother, and she handed Chibiusa to me. Turning back around, I brought my daughter to Motoki, "This is Chibiusa."
"Wow," Motoki's eyes widened, "I can't believe it."
"She's gotten so big since the last time I saw her! Can I hold her?" Minako almost begged with excitement. As soon as I put Chibiusa in her arms, she cooed and smiled. My heart warmed at the sight. "Happy birthday to you, Chibiusa!" she poked her little nose causing a giggle. "So, what do you think, Moto?" Minako asked him.
"She is very cute, Usagi," he stated with a grin.
"Usagi," my mother grabbed my attention. She held up a pink cupcake, "Are you ready?"
Nodding, I let Minako carry Chibiusa to the highchair and get her situated. "There you go, cutie," Minako brushed her hand through Chibiusa's hair.
"Happy birthday to you!" my mother began to sing, signaling the rest of us to join in. As we did so, she sat the cupcake down in front of Chibiusa and lit one candle in the center.
I squatted next to my daughter, continuing to sing. As I watched her adorable face staring wide-eyed at the glittering candle, I couldn't believe that she was one year old. I knew I needed to save this moment in my heart for the rest of my days. She wasn't in the plan that I imagined for my life, but I knew that having her was one of the most precious gifts that I would ever have. As the song ended, I blew out the candle for her and kissed her sweet face.
Everyone clapped, and my mom took the candle from the cupcake. She pushed it towards Chibiusa, but Chibiusa only looked at it, her forehead wrinkled in confusion. I laughed and stuck my finger in the icing. I put it to her lips, and she opened wide. As soon as she tasted it, she reached for the rest of the cupcake and went crazy. Quickly, icing and cake were all over her face. We all giggled at the sight.
"If anyone else wants a cupcake or something to drink, we have a ton over here," my father offered.
As the others went to enjoy the refreshments, I stayed by Chibiusa's side, "Is that good, pretty girl?" With a mouth full of icing, she looked me in the eyes and handed me a glob. "Now are you so nice to share with momma."
"Momma."
My eyes went wide. I asked her, "What did you say?"
With a pink grin, she repeated, "Momma."
My hands went to the sides of my face as excitement overtook me, "Oh my goodness!"
"What?" Minako questioned as they all turned in our direction.
"She said 'momma,'" I exclaimed.
"Really?" my mother cheered and hurried over to us. She bent down to her, "Chibiusa, can you say 'momma?'" She just stared at her.
"Chibiusa," I said, causing her to look at me. I pointed to myself, "Who am I?" She didn't say anything. I patted my chest, "Who am I?"
After staring at me for a couple of seconds, she extended both of her arms towards me, "Momma!" Everyone squealed.
Not caring about her stained hands, I picked her up and tickled her into a fit of giggles, "That's right! I'm your momma!" With her calling me 'momma', motherhood finally seemed real.
. . . . . . . . . .
"Miss Tsukino," Ms. Takeuchi knocked on my dorm door. "Do you have a moment?"
"Yes, Ms. Takeuchi," I said, "Come in."
She took note of the packed bags and boxes around the room, "I heard that you were leaving Shizukesa." I nodded, unsure of her visit. "That makes me sad because it has been a pleasure having you in my classes. Your eagerness to grow as a writer is so refreshing."
"I have loved your courses, Ms. Takeuchi. I was so glad that you taught more than one," I stated.
She smiled and then questioned me, "May I ask what your plans are after you leave?"
"Well," I explained, "I have decided that even though I am returning home, I will continue taking classes online." I frowned, "I love it here, but after thinking it over, I really want to be closer to my family so that my daughter can have a real bond with them."
"That is completely understandable." She paused for a minute and lifted a paper out of her lap. "Miss Tsukino, I see a lot of myself in you. I really believe you have what it takes to become a successful author. Therefore, I'm sorry for being so bold without your permission, but I sent some of your work to The Cherry Project. It's a literary magazine that offers great support for new writers. They wish to publish your work and hope that you submit writing on a regular basis. Starting out, you probably won't be paid much, but as time goes on, you may be surprised."
"Wow..." I began, but found myself speechless.
"I know it will be a lot to balance with continuing school and being a mother, but I really think this will be an amazing opportunity for you," she handed me the paper, "Everything you need to know is right here. I also put all of my contact information on there. Even though we won't be here together anymore, I will help you however you need." She encouraged me, "Just give them a call. What could that hurt?"
"Thank you so much, Ms. Takeuchi," I replied, hugging the paper to myself, "I will definitely think this over."
"Great," she smiled, "You will be greatly missed, Miss Tsukino."
"Thank you, Ms. Takeuchi," I waved as she left the room. For several moments, I stared at the paper. I thought I would feel very apprehensive about the idea of putting my writing out there for the world. However, the idea of starting down a path that could possibly lead me to a career excited me. With this opportunity, I could start working towards supporting Chibiusa and myself on my own; something that I wanted to do so badly. Determination increased within me; I was going to make that call.
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"Luna, get back," my father ordered as he gently pushed Luna out of his face. He sat on the floor, working on putting Chibiusa's crib together, but Luna continued to seek his attention as she brushed her tail across his face.
I laughed and picked Luna up. Instantly, she began to purr. She was utterly happy for me to be home. However, it was taking her some time to adjust Chibiusa's inability to pet gently. "Luna, kitty, let dad do his work," I scratched her under her chin.
"So when do you submit your first writing?" my father asked me as he screwed a bar into place.
Finals had gone wonderfully. I ended up staying through Chibiusa's second birthday and Christmas so that I could get everything sorted and packed. More than anything, I stayed so that I could have enough time to say farewell to Ami. It was difficult to say goodbye to her, but I held tightly to her words, "Whenever you leave you won't be losing all of this. Shizukesa will always be here for you. Your teachers, the other girls, me...we will always be here so long as you need us."
During those last weeks, I also made the call to The Cherry Project and was surprised by their eagerness to hire me. I had to write a short story or poem once a month, which made me thankful for all of my notebooks filled with different ideas. Honestly, when I packed up all of my belongings, the box with the notebooks was the heaviest.
"My first piece is due on January 31st," I answered my father as I sat Luna on the bed in my old room. I returned to sorting my clothes in the drawers. It was odd being home in my old room. When I left over two years ago, I was still a child, leaving behind a child's room. I looked around at the stuffed animals and the bed covered with rabbits and moons. The sight made me sigh.
"What's wrong?" my father stopped what he was doing and looked at me. Shrugging, I went back to organizing, but he persisted, "Usagi, you can tell me."
"It's just weird being back here. So much has changed," I said, "I am so thankful you have let me come back, but I bring so much with me now."
"Usagi, you aren't a burden. We want you and Chibiusa here," he declared.
I gave him a soft smile, "I know, thank you so much."
"Someday, you will have your own place; I have no doubt. You are strong, but you still need time to prepare for the next step in your life," he returned to working on the crib, "But, until then, you do what you need to here. If you want to update your room or something like that, do it."
That idea sparked something in me, "I think I will. Thank you dad."
. . .
Following my father's suggestion, I redecorated my room. After I moved the furniture around, I made a corner special for Chibiusa. I put a shelf on the wall above. On it, I placed some of my stuffed animals that I did not want to part with. My mother helped me take my old comforter and turn it into a smaller blanket for Chibiusa. She found an old soft grey quilt from the closet for me to use on my bed. Then, I moved all my old things off the top of my dresser and turned it into a changing table. I tried to utilize everything I had so I didn't have to spend much money, but then my parents gave me the biggest surprise.
When I got home from the grocery one evening, I went into my room to find a brand new laptop computer on my desk. I was shocked and couldn't help, but cry. I told them it was too much, but they refused to take it back. They told me that with it I would write stories that would change the world. It amazed me how much my family encouraged and supported me. I would never be able to thank them enough.
The laptop proved to be my greatest tool. With it, I began my spring semester online. It was quite an adjustment from physically going to a classroom, but I was handling it. While I kept up with classes, I also kept up with The Cherry Project. I turned in my first piece and waited to hear their thoughts; it was agony to wait. However, they were pleased and couldn't wait for the next one.
I tried to treasure every moment because I had so many things to be thankful for. I was thankful for my mother as she taught me to cook, my father as he watched over Chibiusa and me, and Shingo as he finally accepted his role as uncle and played with his niece as much as he could. With every word Chibiusa learned, every new thing she discovered, and every adorable laugh that left her lips, I was so thankful for the life she was experiencing.
However, as I observed her, I wondered if she understood that her father was nowhere to be found. There was empty place within me where he once was, but I wondered, even though she was so little, if she felt empty as well. Those thoughts led to another story idea. So, one afternoon as I watched Chibiusa playing with a toy bunny rabbit in the middle of our bedroom floor, I took my laptop and began to type...
As I look into the bright blue eyes of my daughter, I see innocence, untainted by the understanding of hardship and loss. For me, that "innocence" is something I left behind many years ago. My eyes, like the ones of my precious little girl, once held stars. It is hard for me to remember what it is like to see the world in a way that seemed pure and full of romantic, enchanting dreams.
Similar to searching a map, I try to trace back to when the stars darkened for me and reality sank in. As I piece the moments together in my mind, I see many roads. I realize that significant instances in my life were often met where two routes diverged, each leading to different outcomes. But, as I look at those paths, I notice an odd occurrence. Another's roads crossed mine. I follow the roads in my mind all the way to the first crossroad, and it becomes clear. My life changed because of him, because he crossed my path years ago...
. . . . . . . . . .
Looking at myself in the mirror, I finished brushing my teeth. Then I combed my hair and braided it over my shoulder. Sometimes I didn't recognize myself. As I tried to stay ahead in my work and schooling, I kept myself focused on a goal. While I loved my family, I was working hard towards getting a place for Chibiusa and me. However, sometimes it felt like time was passing so fast that I couldn't keep up. My heart ached with how fast Chibiusa was growing up. Every night when I put her to sleep, I would remember a quote from Peter Pan, 'children should never be sent to bed because they always awake one day older.' I wanted my little girl to stay little as long as she could.
After adjusting my rose necklace, I headed out of the bathroom and down the stairs towards the front door. Immediately, Chibiusa ran up behind me. "Momma," Chibiusa whimpered, pulling on my leg, "Don't go."
I picked her up and looked at my daughter, "Chibiusa, I promise I won't be gone long. You are going to have lots of fun with Grandma."
"No," she tucked her head in my shoulder. She was going through a stage where she couldn't stand if I left even a room. I was sure it would pass. However, I prayed she would want me like that forever.
I patted her back, "Now, Chibiusa, I have to go." Again, she protested. I sat her down and had to pull her off me. Looking her straight in the eyes, I said firmly, "Look at me, Chibiusa. I will be back. You are going to be okay and have fun."
"Chibiusa, how about we make cookies for Shingo and Grandpa," my mother bribed her, and Chibiusa seemed to like the idea.
"That sounds so good," I commented, and finally, she nodded. I kissed her forehead, "That's my girl. I love you. Do you love me?"
"Yes," she said with a pout; I had to hold back a laugh at her stubbornness.
I got up and went to the door, "I will see you in a couple of hours. Thank you, mom!" She waved at me as Chibiusa ran over to her.
Once I was outside in the late summer air, I sighed. It was a beautiful day. I headed down the street into town until I came to a small café. I went inside and looked around until Minako called out to me, "Usagi, we're over here." Smiling, I hurried over to her and Motoki and took a seat across from them in the booth.
"How are you?" Motoki asked, and I noticed something odd in his expression.
"Good. It's so beautiful outside," I replied, "And it's so nice to get out for the day. Thank you for inviting me to lunch."
"Of course," Minako grinned brightly, "I am so happy you are here! Look at the menu and order whatever you like; lunch is on us."
I felt my forehead wrinkle in confusion, "You don't have to do that."
"We want to," Motoki spoke loudly and awkwardly.
"Okay," I sat the menu down, "What's going on?"
"Well..." Motoki murmured.
Abruptly, the waitress came to the table, and looked to me, "Hello, ma'am, may I get you something to drink?"
"Water, please," I replied.
"Are you all ready to order?" she asked sweetly.
Minako pointed to the menu, "I will have the house salad, and he will have chicken with rice."
"And you," she turned to me.
Looking over the menu quickly, I decided, "I will have the soup of the day." She scribbled down the order and left. I returned to our conversation, "Okay, now tell me what is going on?"
"Usagi..." Minako started then stopped, and suddenly, I became worried.
"Mina, tell me," I pleaded with concern. Slowly, she extended her left hand towards me, revealing a beautiful diamond ring. I gasped and took her hand. My eyes went to hers, "You're engaged?" She nodded. "Oh, Mina, congratulations!"
She squealed, "Thank you, Usagi!"
I asked, "When did this happen?"
"Last night," she beamed.
"Motoki," I smiled, "I'm so happy for you." He grinned and wrapped his arm around her shoulder.
"Usagi," Minako surprisingly frowned, "Are you sure you're okay?"
Perplexed, I responded, "Why wouldn't I be okay?"
Her frown deepened, "Just after everything with Mamoru, I didn't want to hurt you."
His name stung me. I swallowed, "Mina, no matter what happened between Mamoru and me, I will always be happy for you and Motoki."
"Thank you, Usagi," Minako smiled so sincerely.
I nodded and said, "Thank you both for worrying about my feelings. You are very kind." Sadly, though I was happy for them, I had to force a smile as I asked, "So, tell me about the proposal. I want to know everything."
Excitedly, she began the story, "Well, he picked me up and..."
. . .
As I arrived back at my house after lunch, I had to set my wandering thoughts aside. I opened the door and was hit by the smell of cookies. "It smells good in here, mom," I stated as I slipped out of my shoes. "How did Chibiusa do?"
From the living room, my mother shouted, "She was fine. She is upstairs playing right now. How was lunch?"
"It was good," I tried to say lightly. "Thank you so much for watching her."
"Of course. You needed a day out," my mother said sweetly.
"I'm going to go check on her." I headed up the stairs to my bedroom and immediately stopped when I saw Chibiusa next to the open floorboard. Hurrying, I dropped down by her side. She had strung out everything from the box, covering the floor with mementos and photos - photos of him. "Chibiusa, no!" I scolded as she took a crayon and drew in the notebook I had kept from high school. She stopped what she was doing and tears quickly filled her eyes. My harsh tone had startled her. I tried to lower my voice, fighting my own urge to cry. I took the crayon from her and tried to gather up all of the things. "You do not touch," I said sternly, striving to keep my volume in check. Her tears came nonetheless. I started putting everything back in the box when I noticed her hand clenched around the bracelet. I stopped and pointed at her hand, "Give that to me." She protested, pulling it back behind her back. "Chibiusa, give it too me," I demanded.
"No!" she cried. I reached behind her and took the bracelet, which caused her to scream loudly. The outburst startled Luna who rested in the windowsill; she leaped down and straight under the bed.
"Chibiusa, this is not yours." I put it in the box with everything else and then picked her up. She wailed about and cried even louder. I sat her down in her crib, "You are in time out."
"No!" she yelled, "I hate, momma!"
My heart clenched at her words, and unexpectedly, I began to cry. I grabbed the box and hurried out of the room. She continued to scream so I shut the door behind me. Taking in deep breaths, I slid down the door all the way to the floor. I held the box tightly to my chest.
"Usagi," my mother hurried up the stairs. Panic covered her face as she saw me on the floor, "What's going on?"
She sat next to me and pulled me into a hug; there I sobbed, "Mom, Chibiusa...she..." I couldn't get the words out so I opened the box, pulled out the notebook, and showed her the crayon all over it.
"Oh, honey," she sighed, "These things happen." My mother took the box and pulled out a picture of Mamoru and me, and her expression changed, "Usagi, is this the real issue?" She extended the picture towards me, and a rougher sob left my lips. She pulled me closer, "Honey, listen to me. You loved Mamoru, and no matter how deep you try to bury him, he is still there. It's okay to cry about him."
"But..." I wept, "I have to let him go."
She ran her hand through my hair, "Let me tell you a secret. Before your father, I loved another man." My eyes widened at this truth she was revealing to me for the first time. "I imagined an entire future with him. I thought we would get married and have kids, but that just didn't happen. Our lives led us in different directions. My heart was broken so much that some days I felt like I was dying."
She laid her head against mine and continued, "But, time passed and I began to heal. I met you father and found the most beautiful future with him. He is the love of my life, but even though I know now that my path led to him, I still think of my first love from time to time. He is such a deep part of who I am today."
She kissed my forehead, "Now, I know things are different for you because you have Chibiusa, but your heart can still heal. I don't know what's in store for your future; you could fall in love again, or you may even see Mamoru again. Either way, promise me, Usagi, that you won't settle. Your heart deserves more than that."
I sniffled, "Okay, momma." In that moment I realized, even though I was a mother myself, I would always need my own. "Thank you, but what should I do about Chibiusa?" I asked as I noticed that Chibiusa had stopped crying.
"We all lose our tempers sometimes, and believe me, this won't be the last time you have a falling out with your daughter," she laughed and nudged me in the side. "But, you will make up, and both of you will learn from these moments."
"She said that she hates me," I frowned.
"Oh, honey, you said that all the time when you were little. Especially, when I told you that you weren't having dessert." This time I joined her in laughter. She handed me the box, "Now, here. Forgive Chibiusa and forgive yourself."
I nodded and stood up. Slowly, I opened the door and walked back into the room. My mother left me alone to deal with my own daughter. As I walked over to her crib, I found her lying down, face stained with her tears. "Chibiusa," I whispered. She looked up at me with sad eyes that I was sure mirrored my own. I sat the box on my bed and reached down for her. I expected her to turn away, but she simply lifted her arms in the air for me to pick her up. Cradling her in my arms, I sat down on the bed. I brushed her black locks out of her eyes and sighed, "Chibiusa, momma is sorry. You made me sad, but I shouldn't have yelled at you. Sometimes you will do things that aren't good, and I will have to put you in time out. But I still love you and forgive you. Do you still love me and forgive me?"
Eventually, she nodded and said, "Sorry, momma." At Chibiusa's soft reply, Luna came out from her hiding place and glanced at us before returning to the windowsill. She knew the battle was over.
My attention turned to the box next to me. I opened it and pulled out the bracelet. As I gazed at the rabbits, moons, and roses, I remembered Mamoru's words from long ago, 'Someday, give this to the person you cherish the most.'
I kissed Chibiusa's cheek and handed her the bracelet. "This was mine when I was younger. It is very special. Do you want it?" She stared at it and nodded. I placed it in her hand, "Now, listen, take good care of it. Can you do that?" Again, she nodded, and I whispered, "I'm glad, sweetie, because you are the person I treasure the most."
. . . . . . . . . .
I couldn't stop smiling as I ripped open the large envelope and pulled out my diploma. I did it; I graduated with my bachelor's degree. Even though I tried to humble myself, seeing my name on the elegant paper gave me a sense of pride.
"Yes, it's my diploma," I spoke happily into my phone.
Minako cheered, "Congrats!"
"You know, you would be getting yours soon if you hadn't taken a year off," I stated with some sarcasm.
"I know, I know!" she groaned, "But, I couldn't give this up."
"I'm just kidding, Mina," I laughed, "You need to pursue your dream!"
"Thank you!" Minako was given the most amazing opportunity. A talent scout had been visiting her school, observing the students as they performed in the theater productions. One night, Minako was noticed, and before we all knew it, she had been given a supporting role in an upcoming feature film. This was a step in the direction that Minako always dreamed of. After contracts were signed, Minako said her 'goodbyes' and headed on location for filming. It was so exciting, but we all missed her.
"Have you spoken to Motoki?" I asked.
"Just got off the phone with him." I could hear the sadness in her voice. "It's so hard to be away from him," she said, "But he has been so good to me. He is even taking care of Artemis for me. I'm so glad he is coming to visit me next week."
"Is he going to be able to get away from work?" I questioned.
"Yes, thank goodness!" she said happily, "I can't wait to see him."
"I bet!" I smiled. They had been inseparable since the engagement, but when this film opportunity arose, they decided to put the wedding on hold. Motoki determined that he would take this time to continue to work, raising money for their future. Even though he was motivated by that goal, every time I talked to him, it was clear that he missed Minako very much. "I know he can't wait to see you," I stated.
"Yes," she giggled. "Usagi, since you're finished with school, what are your plans?"
I thought for a moment, "Well, I am still writing for The Cherry Project, and they gave me that editing position. Thankfully, that provides a more steady salary for me."
"That's right. I can't believe I forgot about that," she stated.
I continued with my plan, "My dad helped me write out a budget so that I can get my own place. We've been looking around, and I hope to find something as soon as I save up a little more."
"Wonderful!" she said happily, "When I get back maybe you will have a place and we can have a sleepover!" I chuckled at my sweet friend's childlike spirit. "Deal?" she demanded.
"Deal!" I agreed, feeling excited and anxious all at the same time.
. . . . . . . . . .
After some taps on the nail, I picked up the frame and hung it on the wall. "There," I said pleased as I looked at my diploma.
"Momma!" I felt a tug on my leg and turned my attention to Chibiusa. She held up a piece of paper, covered in colorful scribbles. Her smile told me what she wanted. I grabbed a piece of tape, took her drawing and hung it next to my diploma. "Yay!" she cheered.
"Very pretty, Chibiusa," I complimented her creativity; drawing was one of her favorite things to do. I squatted down next to her, "Do you love our new home?" She nodded cheerfully. "I'm so glad."
Standing back up, I looked around at our apartment. When you first walked in, you found yourself in an outdated, but fully functioning kitchen, connected to a living space where I placed a table for two, a sofa and a coffee table. My mom helped me find some used furniture, just what we needed for the time being. Three doors led from the room to two bedrooms and one full bath. The bedrooms were small, but having two allowed Chibiusa and me to not share a room for the first time since she was born. We brought the furniture and belongings from my old room and utilized everything. Thankfully, my dad helped convert Chibiusa's crib into toddler bed. The joy on her face as she saw that she now had a 'big girl bed' was priceless. The apartment didn't feel like home just yet, but I believed that adding more touches like Chibiusa's drawing and my diploma would soon transform it into something very special.
Surprisingly, a knock came at the door. "Who could that be?" I wondered as I hurried to answer. "Can I help you?" I asked as I opened the door.
A plate of cookies was extended to me. I looked up from the plate and my eyes met two deep reddish brown ones. "Hello," the very sophisticated woman greeted. She titled her head as she grinned, and her long dark green tinted hair shimmered under the hallway lights. "Welcome to the building. My name is Setsuna." Her voice was very mature.
I bowed my head in greeting, "Hello, thank you, I'm Usagi." I took the cookies, "These look amazing."
"You're welcome. My daughter helped me make them. Say, hello, Hotaru." Setsuna stepped aside, revealing a very beautiful little girl.
"Hello." Shyly, she looked down; her short black hair fell over her violet eyes.
"Nice to meet you both." I stepped to the side, "Would you like to come in?"
"Are you sure? I do not want to impose," she said politely, but I nodded my head and stepped further aside for them to enter. "Well, thank you. Come with me, Hotaru." The young girl followed closely behind her.
"Chibiusa, do you want a cookie?" I called for her. Hurriedly, she appeared from her bedroom, but as soon as she saw our guests, she stopped. Apprehension covered her face. "It's okay, sweetie," I sat the cookies on the table and went to her. She hid behind my legs. "Chibiusa, these are our new neighbors. Setsuna and...Hotaru?" I asked and Setsuna smiled in reassurance.
Setsuna put her hand on Hotaru's back, "Hotaru, I think Chibiusa would love one of the cookies you made her. Why don't you give her one?"
Hotaru hesitated, but her mother gave her an encouraging nudge. Eventually, she took one of the cookies from the table and approached us. She handed it out to Chibiusa with a simple, "Here."
Cautiously, Chibiusa took the cookie. I smiled, "What do you say?"
"Thank you," she murmured.
I caught sight of Setsuna's smile and laughed, "Well, that's a start." I then suggested, "Chibiusa, why don't you show Hotaru your new room?"
Hesitantly, she took a bite of the cookie. Her face then brightened, easing the tension. She stepped away and motioned for Hotaru to follow her, "Come."
"Go on," Setsuna told her daughter. Walking slowly, Hotaru finally followed Chibiusa. Once they disappeared into the bedroom, Setsuna spoke joyfully, "It makes me so happy to know you have a little girl. There are no other children in the building."
"Chibiusa really doesn't have any friends," I stated, "It will be nice if she connects with Hotaru. Chibiusa is three."
"Hotaru is five," Setsuna informed me, "But sometimes she seems much older."
"Please have a seat," I pointed at the sofa. "Can I get you anything to drink?"
She shook her head, "No, thank you. I really just wanted to meet you." Her smile made me smile as I took a seat next to her. "So, what do you do?"
"Well, I write and edit for The Cherry Project," I stated.
"That's a literary magazine, correct?" she asked.
I nodded, excited that she knew what I was talking about, "Yes, I have been writing for them for a little while."
"That's wonderful. Next time I am at the store, I will pick up a copy," she vowed.
I smiled, "Thank you very much. What do you do?"
"I work in the physics department at K.O. University downtown," she replied.
"Wow," I commented, "That sounds very difficult."
She laughed lightly, "It was at first, but I find it enjoyable."
"What about your husband?" I asked, but as soon as I noticed the change in Setsuna's expression, I regretted the question.
She explained with a soft tone, "He worked at the University too, but sadly, he passed when Hotaru was two."
Horrible embarrassment claimed me, "I'm so sorry, Setsuna, that was so rude of me."
"No," she disagreed, "It's a normal question."
"I am a single mother," I admitted, "Chibiusa's dad lives in America."
"I see," Setsuna remarked, "I'm sorry to hear that." I wouldn't meet her gaze, so she continued, "I am glad you moved in, Usagi. It will be a blessing to have another mother in the building, and with a little girl no less." Her statement made me very happy.
"Mom!" Hotaru hurried out of Chibiusa's room with a huge grin on her face.
"What is it, darling?" Setsuna asked and Hotaru ran into her arms.
"Look!" Hotaru shouted and pointed as Chibiusa entered the room, trying to carry Luna in her arms. I put my hand over my mouth to cover a chuckle at the sight; Luna looked so pitiful, but she was being very, very patient. I reminded myself to give her extra treats later. "She has a kitty," Hotaru cheered.
"I see," Setsuna grinned.
"Luna," Chibiusa exclaimed, squeezing the poor cat.
"Chibiusa, be gentle with Luna," I told her, and Chibiusa sat her down. Luna hurried away to my room this time. Chibiusa waved at Hotaru, "Come, Hotaru!" Hotaru hurried after Chibiusa. Their giggles filled the apartment and my heart.
"Isn't that precious," Setsuna commented; her eyes glowed with happiness.
I'm sure my eyes held the same happiness, "Yes, it is." As I glanced once more around my apartment and then at Setsuna, I realized how lucky I was. Before we moved into the apartment, I worried that we would be so alone, but then, an answer to my prayers. Perhaps, Chibiusa would find her first friend in Hotaru. "Thank you, Setsuna," I said gratefully, "I am so glad you knocked on my door."
"So, am I, Usagi," she nodded, "I think we will be good support for each other. Sometimes it's scary living alone with a child." It was a comfort to know that I wasn't the only one who felt that way.
. . .
That night, as I rested in bed, I couldn't turn my mind off. Even though I was so grateful to meet Setsuna, I couldn't stop the sadness that entered my mind. Her husband had died. There was no chance that he could be here now. If roles were switched, Mamoru would have been the one who died. Rapidly, my heart began to race. The idea that Mamoru could be dead made my entire inside twist. Before I knew it, I was sobbing. I covered my face with my hands and cried allowed, "Mamo-chan..."
A meow caused me to look up from my hands. Luna bumped her forehead against mine. "Oh, Luna," I sniffled as I rubbed my hand down her back, "Do you remember, Mamo-chan?" The light from outside the window lit up her eyes as she looked at me curiously. I sighed, "What do I do, Luna?" She yawned and curled up next to me. If she was telling me to try to go to sleep, it didn't work.
I looked at the clock and was surprised to see it was only 10:30 pm; it felt a lot later. Then, I did it. I grabbed my phone and looked for Motoki's number. That's when I texted him, 'Motoki, I was wondering if you still saved Mamoru's number. I know it's been a really long time.'
Shockingly, it only took a minute for him to text me back, 'Usagi, this is his number. I haven't talked to him since that day, though. If you need anything, let me know.' I texted him back a 'thank you.'
The light of my phone screen filled the darkness as I stared at the number he sent me. My finger lingered over the call button. I had battled with telling Mamoru everything for so long. I kept waiting for a sign, telling me what I should do. However, the haunting thought of Mamoru being dead like Setsuna's husband, pushed me to lower my finger and click call.
The phone rang and my throat ran dry. Then, I realized that I had no idea what time it was there. The phone continued to ring, and I tried to prepare myself for the voicemail.
"Hello." I stiffened. "Hello," again a female voice asked in Japanese, "Is someone there?"
I coughed, "Yes. Is Mamoru Chiba there?"
"He's outside with the kids. Can I take a message?" the woman asked me.
Filling sick, I swallowed hard. I didn't know what to say so finally I lied, "No, I was actually trying to call someone else. Thank you."
"Okay..." she sounded confused, "Well, goodbye."
"Bye." I ended the call and set the phone back on the nightstand. I covered my mouth, mentally, denying that I had called him. I tried to convince myself that this was a dream and that the woman who answered didn't exist. However, I knew it was real.
"Luna," I whispered, and she started to purr. "I think..." my eyes began to burn, "...I think Mamo-chan has moved on. He has found someone else." The tears fell silently, as I let it all sink in. I started to imagine him walking hand in hand with a beautiful and elegant woman, who, in my mind, matched the voice on the phone. She was everything I wasn't. She was everything he wanted. I told myself that he was happy and had the life he wanted.
"I will never understand what I did wrong," I said quietly, "why he didn't want me." I clenched my eyes shut. "Maybe I should take this as my sign. I should just let him be happy."
Luna licked my arm so I opened my eyes and looked at her. She let out a long meow. "Luna, are you worried about me?" I asked her. As if answering me, she stood up and licked my cheek. I smiled and scratched behind her ear, "It's okay, Luna. I am happy."
Yes, I was happy. I had family and friends who loved me. I had a job and a place to live. But no matter how many times I tried to convince myself, there was still emptiness within me, and I wondered if I would ever be able to fill it.
. . . . . . . . . .
"It's so nice to hear from you," I spoke on the phone to Ms. Takeuchi. It had been some time since I had last talked to her. "How have you been?"
"Well, thank you," she said, "How old is Chibiusa now; she had a birthday recently, correct?"
"That's right," I confirmed, "She is three now."
"Growing up so fast," she commented.
"Yes, she is," I said with a bit of disappointment; I longed for her to stay a little baby.
"Well, I actually have something I want to ask you," Ms. Takeuchi stated.
Interested, I asked, "What is it?"
"Of course, I have been keeping up with your work for the Cherry Project, but I am wondering if you would have any desire to write a complete novel," she explained.
My eyes widened, "A complete novel?"
"Yes, much longer and more detailed than a short story," she clarified, "As I have followed your writings since you left school, I believe that you have the talent to write a successful book. Would you consider this? It will take a lot of work, but it could be an exciting adventure."
Something jumped within me and I quickly accepted the offer, "Yes, I would love to do that." I thought about the piece that I had been working on since I moved back home. It was a personal piece, but maybe it could be something more. "I have been working on something for awhile," I told her, "I feel like it could turn into a book, but I feel insecure about what I have written."
"Like I told you before, I would love to help however I can," she reassured me, "Tell me what it's about."
I collected my thoughts and answered, "It's about, well, my experiences."
"How so?" she questioned.
"Starting before Chibiusa, when I was..." I stopped.
"In love?" she finished for me.
"Yes," I explained, "Or, at least, thought I was. Then how it has led to Chibiusa and my life now."
"Sounds very personal," she said.
"It is," I agreed.
"I would love to read it," she said. I realized how big of a step it would be to share such an intimate part of myself with someone. Ms. Takeuchi must have sensed my apprehension because she added; "I will read it with such care."
Exhaling, I smiled, "Thank you. I will email you the first chapter that I have and you can let me know what you think."
"Wonderful," she exclaimed, "I truly believe you will make a difference with your writing someday." I wondered if that was possible - if my life could help another.
. . . . . . . . . .
With Chibiusa propped up on my hip, I waited in front of my apartment building. I pulled Chibiusa's coat tighter around her; winter was hanging on longer than usual. Both of us were getting tired of the grey snowy skies; we longed for the warmth and colors of spring.
"Minako told me she would be here in a couple of minutes. I'll keep you warm." I pulled my sweet girl tighter to me.
"Usagi!"
I turned at the sound of my name to see Minako running towards me, with Motoki trailing not too far behind. A smile lit my face as I waved, "Mina!" I glanced at Chibiusa, "Look, sweetie, it's Mina."
Minako raced to me, taking Chibiusa and me into a tight hug. "Oh, my friend, I have missed you."
"I have missed you too, Mina!" I exclaimed, "I'm so glad you are home."
"Hey, Usagi!" Motoki reached us and had to catch his breath.
I grinned, "Motoki, it's so good to see you." I felt Chibiusa shiver and I quickly motioned for us all to come inside, "Please come in; it's too cold out here." We all hurried to my apartment. Once we were inside, I sat Chibiusa on the floor. I took off her coat and she scurried over to the toys on the floor.
"Oh, Usagi, it's adorable," Minako looked around the apartment.
"I haven't really decorated yet, but it works great for Chibiusa and me. Please make yourself comfortable," I said as I took off my coat.
"Thank you," Motoki said as he took his and Minako's jackets and hung them on the nearby wall hooks.
I headed into the kitchen area. "I'll make some tea." Quickly, I went to the task.
Minako squatted down next to Chibiusa. "Hey, Chibiusa," she said softly, "I know I have been gone for awhile, but do you remember me?" Chibiusa checked to see if I was watching her. I smiled reassuringly and she looked back at Minako. Mina pouted, "Chibiusa, do you know who I am?"
Analyzing her face, Chibiusa finally mumbled a simple, "Mina."
Minako immediately clapped her hands together, "Yes! I'm Mina." She poked Chibiusa in the belly, "And you are Chibiusa." Chibiusa let out a small chuckle when Minako gave her a little tickle. My heart filled with joy as I watched them together.
Once the tea was ready, I brought some cups to the table in front of the couch. "Please have a seat," I pointed to the couch for Motoki to sit. It was clear that Minako was going to stay on the floor with Chibiusa. As I blew on the tea, I asked, "Are you glad to wrap up the movie?"
Minako sighed, "Yes and no. It was a lot of work, but so much fun at the same time."
"Did they give a release date?" I asked.
She shrugged, "Not a precise one yet, but I think it will be at the beginning of next year."
"Does that mean you will have some time off?" I questioned.
"Yes," she grinned and looked at Motoki, "It's nice to be home for awhile. I will still have to do some minor press stuff though."
"That's really neat," I commented, "What do you plan to do while you are on break? Are you going to go back to school?"
"First, we need to finish moving your things," Motoki stated and laughed, "You have more stuff than anyone I have ever met."
I turned to Minako in confusion, "Where are you going?" Minako blushed and glanced at Motoki. My eyes went back and forth between them, "What's going on?"
Minako stood up and put her arm around Motoki. She smiled, "We got married."
"What?" I was dumbfounded, "When?"
"Moto came to visit me, and we decided that we didn't want to wait anymore," she explained.
I let the shock pass and then jumped to my feet. I hugged them both, "That's great."
"Thank you," Motoki grinned, "She and Artemis are going to move in with me until we find something a little nicer. I'm going to continue working, and she is going to get caught up on school here in town." He chuckled, "I know she is a movie star now, but she is still my Mina, so I am going to take good care of her."
"That's wonderful," I said.
Then Minako frowned, "I'm sorry that you weren't there. It was just Moto and me."
"It's okay, Mina," I hugged her again, "I just want you to be happy."
Her face lit up, "I am, Usagi, so happy."
"I'm glad," I stated still in a bit of unbelief.
. . .
That night, after I had put Chibiusa to sleep, I sat on the couch with my laptop to get some work done, but I felt at a loss. Writer's block had attacked me, and I was losing the battle. I rested my head against the back of the couch. "I am happy for them," I whispered aloud, "I am happy for them."
I lifted my head when I heard a knock at the door. Sluggishly, went to answer it. Setsuna stood in the hallway with a hesitant smile. "I'm sorry to bother you so late, but I was wondering if you have any vapor rub. Hotaru has a bad stuffed up nose and can't get to sleep," Setsuna asked me.
"Of course, come in," I opened the door even further for her to enter. "Let me go get it." I went to the bathroom and grabbed the vapor rub from the medicine cabinet. "Here you go," I handed it to her when I came back.
"Thank you," Setsuna smiled but then frowned, "Are you okay, Usagi?"
Immediately, I tried to perk up, "Yes, just tired."
"Okay," Setsuna said hesitantly, "You know I am here for you; even if it is just to listen."
That as when I frowned deeply. "I'm a horrible person."
Her eyes widened, "What? No you are not. Why would you say that?"
"My best friend eloped," I stated.
"You wish you had been there?" Setsuna questioned.
I shook my head, "It's not that." I could see the confusion on her face. "I guess I am envious," I explained, "I love Chibiusa so very much, but I wanted to be married before I had any children." I paused and pushed my hair behind my ears. "I don't know why but I feel like that dream has passed for me."
"Oh, Usagi, you don't know that," Setsuna put her hand on my shoulder.
"But I don't see anyone wanting to marry me now that I have a kid." Dramatically, I gestured at myself, "That is why I am a horrible person."
Gently, she shook her head and smiled, "Usagi, I think about things like that too." I felt a bit of shock come over me. She continued, "I loved, and still love, my husband so much, but I can't help but think about getting married again someday. I think about Hotaru a lot when I imagine that future, but I know that whoever comes into my life will love and care for Hotaru as the father that she needs." She smiled, "Don't worry about someone not marrying you because you have a kid; know that the right man will have enough love, if not more, for both you and Chibiusa."
Her words sent a wave of comfort over me and I couldn't help but take her in a hug, "Thank you, Setsuna."
"Of course," she squeezed me tighter. When she pulled away, she said, "Have you heard of Michiru and Haruka?" I shook my head 'no.' "Well, here," she went over to the fridge where I kept a notepad and pen. She wrote 'Michiru and Haruka', "Whenever I am having a hard time, their music really puts me at ease. Look them up sometime."
"Thank you," I nodded.
"I need to go," she lifted the vapor rub up, "Thank you so much for this. I will talk to you tomorrow. Try to get some rest."
"You too." I said 'goodbye' and locked the door as she left.
I went back to my laptop, but before I got some writing in, I searched for Michiru and Haruka on the Internet. I clicked the first video that popped up. Two beautiful women were on a stage. One, tall with short, sandy blonde hair, sat at a grand piano; the other, with waves of hair that shimmered the color of a beautiful sea, stood on the stage, a violin in her hand. The piano began as the woman lifted her violin into position. As they combined their music, my world was immediately surrounded with peace and splendor. My eyes closed as I imagined myself flying with the wind above a sparkling ocean.
I understood why Setsuna listened to them. They were amazing. As I relaxed, words came to me, inspiring me to continue my story. I felt free so I let the words flow from my fingers.
. . . . . . . . . .
It didn't take long for me to fall in love with Michiru and Haruka's music. I started loving them almost as much as I loved the Three Lights. Almost. Another reason that I enjoyed Michiru and Haruka's music was the fact that it was like magic when it came to putting Chibiusa down for a nap.
Because of my love for their music, it was only natural that I would agree to Setsuna's invitation to go with her to a gala where the women would be performing. Her husband's colleges from the university graciously asked her to attend in honor of his work on body reconstruction. His work had been continued since his death, but he was still named as the founder of the project. Setsuna was nervous at first, but when she heard Michiru and Haruka would be attending the event, she couldn't say 'no.'
So, I didn't say 'no' either. It would be my first night out in such a long time, and honestly, I was anxious and excited all at the same time. My mother noticed my anxiety as she helped me get ready. She brushed my hair in a soothing motion, "I want you to have a wonderful evening."
"I will try," I promised, "I have never been to something so fancy though." I looked at my gown hanging on the door.
"Don't worry," she comforted, "You will do just fine. Now let's finish your hair." She started twisting my hair into curls and pinning it to the side so that some of my hair cascaded down over my left shoulder. "Sometimes I miss your old hairstyle because," she took a step back, "You look so grown up now. You have become a simply, beautiful woman."
"Thank you, mom," I said as I stood up and took my dress down from the door.
"I'll let you change," she walked out of the bathroom and shut the door.
I slipped off my robe and carefully took the dress off the hanger. Stepping in the dress, I started to feel a little awkward; I had never worn something so extravagant. I pulled the shimmering black dress up over my bust and reached behind my back to zip it up. Once I had it zipped, I adjusted the form fitting fabric. It was strapless and draped down to the floor. My mother was right; I did look grown up. For the first time in my life, I felt like a real woman. Feeling that, I gained a bit of confidence.
After spraying some perfume lightly on my collarbone, I reached into my jewelry box and took out the rose necklace. It was still important to me, no matter what. Sighing, I left the bathroom and joined my mother and Chibiusa in the living room.
"Oh my, Usagi," my mother gasped, "You look so beautiful!"
Chibiusa looked up at me in awe, "Momma?"
I spun around, "What do you think?"
"Pretty," she grinned, making me smile.
A knock at the door grabbed our attention. I hurried over to answer it. "Setsuna, you look lovely," I commented as she stepped inside with Hotaru. Setsuna wore an off the shoulder burgundy gown, highlighting her eyes. Her hair was pinned back in its usual half up, half down bun, but she added a golden clip right under the bun for tonight.
"No, Usagi," she motioned up and down my dress, "You are the one who looks lovely."
"Thank you," I blushed.
Setsuna gave Hotaru a light push, "Go have fun with Chibiusa and her grandmother. Oh, and Luna of course." Hotaru nodded happily and went to Chibiusa and Luna who were playing on the floor.
"Shall we?" Setsuna asked as she slipped on her coat.
I nodded and grabbed my coat as well. Glancing at my mother, I said, "Thank you for taking care of the girls tonight."
"My pleasure," she grinned, "Now go have a wonderful time."
. . .
Anxiously, I sat at the beautifully designed table in the most elegant place that I had ever been in. I was in awe; all of the sophisticated men and women around me were like something I had seen on television. They were dressed in gowns of all colors and handsome tuxedoes. As they drank champagne, they chatted and laughed about things that I, honestly, could not keep up with. I kept my hands in my lap, afraid that I would mess up the perfectly arrangement of dishes in front of me.
Gently, Setsuna touched my arm. She leaned in and smiled, "Don't be nervous. Remember, they are all just people." She laughed, "Most of them too smart for their own good, however."
I chuckled as well, but then my attention turned sharply to the stage at the front of the large ballroom. There they were, in person. Michiru and Haruka took their places and began to play the sweetest of melodies.
"Simply amazing," Setsuna whispered, "aren't they?" I nodded and watched as some couples took to the dance floor, moving in perfect rhythm.
My attention turned as a gentleman came to Setsuna and asked her to dance. She looked at me in hesitance, but I smiled and mouthed a 'go, I'm fine.' She grinned weakly and then followed the man to the floor. I watched them for a couple of minutes, until I closed my eyes and let the music surround my senses. In my mind there were a million colors, painting a moving picture. It was astounding.
Because I was losing myself to a world of images, I barely noticed the touch upon my shoulder. Slowly, I opened my eyes and looked up to see a man extending his hand down to me. "May I have this dance," he said in deep voice. I stared at his hand as if it was a foreign object.
Then, in a dumbfounded action, I pointed at myself. "Me?" I asked.
The man let out a chuckle and nodded, "Yes, Miss. You. Will you dance with me?"
Immediately, I searched the dance floor, finally finding Setsuna, who was waving her hand at me in the motion to take this man's hand. Swallowing, I felt myself leave my comfort zone. Hesitantly, I placed my hand in his and stood. He guided me to the floor, and awkwardness stepped in. He took my free hand and placed it on his shoulder. I tensed as he rested his hand on my lower back. I couldn't help but keep my focus on my feet as he began to sway us back and forth.
"Relax," he said, his voice low. Still, I watched my feet. With a laugh, he freed his hand to place it under my chin. Carefully, he lifted my face so that our eyes could meet. "You've got this."
My breath caught as our eyes locked. I realized that I hadn't really looked at him until now. His hair looked oddly disheveled and his beard looked twisted and abnormal. However, his brilliant blue eyes, framed by a pair of glasses, grabbed my attention most of all. They looked familiar. "Do I know you?" I said softly.
He laughed, confusing me. A new song began and he whisked me into motion. Surprised, I tried to keep up, but I felt nervous and stumbled over my feet. "Don't fight it," he said, "You know how to feel the music. Let it guide you."
His statement confused me even more, but I tried. Closing my eyes, I returned to the world of color. Slowly, I felt weightless. The music began to lead me. It felt effortless now. I smiled as I opened my eyes; we were in sync now.
He grinned at me - a recognizable grin. "See, you still let the music guide you."
"Still?" I repeated the word.
"I bet lyrics could pour out of you right now if you only had a pen," he said.
"How..." Then, suddenly, a face of a young boy came to my mind. A young boy with brilliant blue eyes - the same eyes that I stared into now. I swallowed and let the name leave my lips, "Seiya?"
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Please Pardon Grammatical Errors and Review.