Chapter 6: A Reason To Believe
Hearing his name called and being so close to release Harry's eyes fluttered open. The momentary pleasant sensual interlude he had been enjoying, which seemed like his dream come true, forced him to accept that it was not the dream he was deluding himself that it was. He really was being held and kissed. His hands were really caressing a girl's body to reckless abandon.
Then he noticed the dusting of freckles on the face of the girl kissing him and his eyes panned up slightly to see the tousled reddish hair and suddenly he knew. This really is Ginny! Then his hands, which enjoyed beyond words, caressing her warm tender skin ceased their current activities and quickly moved to grasp her shoulders, still half lost in kissing her. I wanted this too deeply, but this is wrong. I'm using her foully.
Suddenly a thought rushed through his brain. Wait a minute! How is Ginny Weasley even here with me? He began to panic. His handspushed her back gently at first, breaking the heated and oh so delicious melding of their lips and tongues. I can't do this. Oh Merlin I'm in deep shite! Then he shoved her back away from him and scampered off the sofa and around the back of it, picking up his glasses of the table by his end of the sofa as he passed it.
Ginny was lost in the rapture of kissing Harry, so she was quite aghast when Harry's hands took hold of her shoulders and first gently eased her back from him, then forcefully flung her back away from him to land awkwardly on her back on the other side of the sofa, nightgown up over her face and legs wide displaying all of her female charms clearly to the world, or in this case, one Harry Potter.
Ginny was still somewhat awash in the pleasure that Harry had brought to her and then panic set in. She pawed at her nightgown to get it back covering her and sat up to see what had happened. Her head darted around, eyes searching for Harry. Then as she turned to look behind the sofa, there was Harry in a wary stance, eyes wide open and mouth in an "o" shape. Ginny bit her lower lip in frustration. AAARRGGHHHH, bloody hell Harry why do you keep running away from me. I'm willing to give you everything. Why can't you just accept that I love you and let yourself love me back? Her thoughts echoed in her mind.
Harry stood there breathing erratically trying to work out what was happening. He looked closely at Ginny on the couch and got a full view of her loveliness. Merlin she's gorgeous. I want her too much and that's just wrong. I'm not the right bloke. His jumbled thoughts raced through his mind.
Then he was reminded of how much he craved her by the aching need still evident in his boxers and how close she had brought him to that pleasure. Just the thought of making love to her was enough to push him close to the edge. He took a deep breath and tried to relax, hoping that the problem below the waist line would go away. Then it slowly filtered into his mind that he had been set up again and he moved closer to Ginny.
"Ginny, what are you doing here.... please tell me you're not playing games on me again, that I'm not going to have to fend off your brothers again."
Seeing Harry standing there away from her worried her at first, then she got angry when it hit her that he must have pushed her away. She jumped up off of the sofa reached back for her wand and stuffed it in the pocket on the side of her nightgown and ran around to stand in front of Harry to confront him.
"HARRY POTTER, YOU BLOODY PRAT!" She ranted at him before softening. "Why did you push me away Harry, when everything was so cozy and wonderful?" She scolded. She was still trying to recover from the passion that Harry had unleashed in her. Her heart was racing and her breathing erratic. She didn't want him to push her away again so she tried to put her arms around his neck, to bring them together, but Harry just stepped back from her, a pained look on his face. Then he closed his eyes and turned away from her, and Ginny moved up to him and this time slipped her arms around his waist. He winced, as if in pain, but didn't fight it.
"This is wrong, Ginny. I'm sorry if you got the wrong idea about us on the sofa, I was just having a dream and it was wrong of me to take advantage of you... .."
"You didn't do anything to me that I didn't want you to, Harry." She snuggled into his back, breathing in his scent.
"Please, answer my question. Is this some new scheme of your brothers to force us to be together?"
Ginny could feel the confusion and hurt in Harry, but she knew his desire for her was there as well. He would never have made love to her as he did, even thinking himself asleep and dreaming, if he didn't want her, badly. She thought about what Kreacher had said and his Muggle sayings, she could feel Harry trying to slip away from her again and she didn't want to lose him. He who is hesitating is lost. I can't let him push me away.
"There's no brothers, no scheme. Just me. Just us. Kreacher brought me here Harry."
"Kreacher...then he's betrayed me too." he said, hanging his head.
"You weren't betrayed, Harry. Kreacher was concerned for his master and acted to help you, to help us both actually. He kidnapped me and brought me here to give us the chance to work out our problems." Ginny said quietly in an anxious voice.
"We did work out our problems, Ginny. I won't be pushed into a relationship with you or anyone else. I'm not the right person for you."
"Harry Potter, I've wanted to talk to you since that unfortunate incident, but you've been such a git about this whole business. Stop acting like you don't care about me, when it's so obvious that you do. Talk to me, Harry, please..."
Harry moved his hands to her arms where they encircled him and pulled them open, despite her forceful attempt to hold on to him. He turned to face her opening his eyes and gazing down into her soft caramel orbs. He moved his hands to take each of her hands into one of his own, to try to control the situation. He had to look away. Her eyes were just drawing him to her.
"What can I really say that will settle this between us? If I say there are some feelings for you in me....what does it accomplish? Except to muddle the problem worse than it already is..." She tried to say something but Harry pushed on.
"Listen to me, Ginny. We both know you had a crush on a fantasy boy, who was just a fiction that the wizarding world created to make everybody feel good. 'The Boy Who Lived' was a fake, a sham. Harry Potter on the other hand, was a scared abused little boy who grew up in a cupboard under the stairs. He didn't know he was a wizard, and he just wished that he had his mother to hold him and say she loved him." He took in a deep breath, noticing her eyes beginning to tear before continuing.
"Hagrid came and showed him the truth and before Harry Potter could say Diagon Alley, he was swept up in the adventure of his life, and on Train Platform 9 ¾. He met a wonderful red headed family, whose youngest child, a girl, caused a strange feeling to arise in his chest." He felt a strange flutter in his stomach at the thought of how long he had really had feelings for Ginny and how he felt that he had no right to have those feelings.
"Adventure called though, as it always seemed to in Harry Potter's life, and he was swept away to Hogwarts to meet his destiny, still the scared little boy. Yet he made friends and he learned that he did have courage and became a Gryffindor because of it. He faced his fears and was led to fight for the light against a great evil, again and again."
"He would return time and again to take the red express train and see the youngest Weasley child, and whenever he did the feeling in his chest burned brighter. He even saved her from the dark evil once. He had hoped that they would be friends, but the youngest Weasley only pushed him away." Ginny closed her eyes then and tried to pull away from him, but he wouldn't let her.
"Something Harry Potter never could fathom, always gnawed at his insides, especially when the youngest Weasley was around, but being a boy and unused to feelings, he never understood what that burning was inside him. His adventures with Ron and Hermione kept his focus elsewhere on things like the Tournament and the Dark Lord's return." Harry stopped a moment, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, as Cedric's demise flashed through is mind, as well as the return of Voldemort.
"But, the youngest Weasley who supposedly had a crush on Harry Potter gave up on the boy. Sad actually, because that Harry Potter was just beginning to take an interest in girls. Harry Potter had finally thought that he knew what or who he wanted, but Hermione had told him that his desired love had given up on him, and it was not to be, so he moved on as well. He noticed a certain dark-haired girl, and the feeling began to stir again." Ginny bit her lip and didn't let her face betray her emotions in front of Harry, but her body was shaking, and her hands seemed to still cling to his, as if to hold on for dear life. "But Cho was not meant to be with Harry."
"The Tournament ended and so did my friend Cedric's life. Tom or Voldemort, the great and terrible Dark Lord returned with the help of Harry's blood, and Harry just barely escaped him again. Oh, and lest we forget, Harry Potter was always sent back to live with the Dursleys, as a constant reminder of how little his life really meant to anyone. The next year more adventures caused Harry Potter to lead his friends on a perilous quest that nearly got them killed...'
"We chose to go with you. We chose to be there for you, because we were your friends." She opened her eyes and caught his.
"Harry went on a foolish quest that ended in the sad untimely death of a beloved friend. Yet in that time the youngest Weasley became closer to him as a friend, and through the lonely times that came his way it was a comfort to have that friend." He paused a moment to close his eyes and try to a hold on the emotions his memories were stirring in him. His eyes opened slowly.
"For a short time Harry and Professor Dumbledore's attempt to unravel the enigma that was Lord Voldemort would totally engulf him and force him to seek out his destiny. In those trials the youngest Weasley, the fiery haired vixen, who always smelled of fresh strawberries, had a beguiling smile and a fierce temper came to be the light of his life." He caught her eyes with his own and she gave him a half hopeful smile.
"He finally understood at some point that the burning inside of him, the truth he had longed for that had been beyond his ability to comprehend for so many years was simply that he was in love with a beautiful, passionate young girl named Ginevra Molly Weasley." Harry let go of her hands and turned away and quietly walked around the sofa to the fireplace in front of it and put out his right hand to steady himself on the mantle. Ginny drew a deep breath and exhaled trying to calm herself and keep her focus steady on her desire to make Harry listen to her. Then she slowly walked around the sofa as well to stand behind him.
"Harry..." Ginny said, quietly trying to compose herself to speak to Harry. "Why didn't you ever say anything to me? If you've loved me so long and so deeply, why..." She spoke calmly and clearly.
"Hermione was right when she said that Ron had the emotional range of a teaspoon, all those years ago. I'm no different than Ron was then." He stopped a moment. It was difficult to let be so open with her. "It took me years to fit all the pieces together-- to see the whole picture--to see you--to know that you were the girl I wanted...love." Harry turned to lean both hands on the mantle. It was bloody hard to have her here and want her so badly when that damnable little voice in his head kept saying he didn't deserve her and that he should push her away.
"Too much has happened to me over the years..." Ginny moved closer to stand by his right side.
"You say you love me, but there's that tone in your voice that says you want to push me away still." She let her arms come up to wrap around her stomach and began to chew on her bottom lip.
"When I lived at Number 4 Privot Drive, my uncle Vernon used to call me a freak and speak of my unnaturalness. The Dursleys hated magic. I think it had to do with my mum and dad, dunno really, but in the Muggle world I'm also a freak." He kept his eyes focused straight ahead, not wanting to be distracted by Ginny, even though he was. "I've realized for a while now that the wizarding world basically has that same attitude toward me as well..."
"You're not a freak Harry!" Ginny interjected passionately. "You're our hero. You saved us all."
"A hero, someone once said, is just an ordinary person who for a moment does something out of the ordinary, and becomes a freak to the others who couldn't find it in themselves to do what was needed," he said sadly.
"That's been the bane of my life since I was a child. I became a hero, a freak just by being born. I was the Boy Who Lived. I was the Chosen One. Now I'm the Boy Who Defeated the Dark Lord. It all amounts to the same thing. I'm a freak...even if they don't say it to my face." He closed his eyes a moment and let a ragged sigh escape, then open them again and hung his head.
"I've been chased by darkness all my life, to the point that I feel like there's a part of that darkness in me. I'm melancholy and depressed and not fit company for anyone." The scent of Ginny was intoxicating and making it hard for him to breathe and think. Then he felt a hand, her left hand, slowly rest against his back. He closed his eyes and tried to relax, despite how much her touch made him want to pull her into his arms and kiss her.
"Did you ever think that the reason you're sad and depressed and, as you say, not fit company, is that you're always alone. You push us all away and dwell on all of your bad memories." She could feel the desire in both of them, and the more he tried to push her away, the more she wanted him.
"You just need someone to help you remember the good memories, and help you to make new ones, Harry..." She stopped to think a moment. She could feel that they were right on the edge here. One wrong action and she might lose him. What could she do? Where there is being a will, there is being a way. She heard Kreacher's voice in her head.
Harry thought of himself as a freak because of Tom. What reasoning could she use to make him believe that they could and should be together? Suddenly an idea came to her. Tom had messed up Harry's life, but he had also hurt her as well. Couldn't she be considered a freak as well, at least by Harry? Hmmm, she thought, that could be the answer.
"Harry! You remember my first year don't you?" She inquired softly.
"How could I forget?" He turned away from her, his hands moving from the mantle to fall loosely at his side. Then he began to walk over to the canopied bed that resembled his own in the Gryffindor dorm. His right hand shot up to his head and his fingers ran through the ruffled mass of raven hued hair. She followed close behind him not willing to let her battle with him end. He stopped at the bed and hung his head.
"I wrote in Tom's bloody diary, Harry. I let that bloody wanker possess me, Harry. He made me open the bloody Chamber." She was being forceful without yelling, and when she was right behind him she caught his left arm and forced him to swirl to face her, then gave him a quick shove to make him sit on the bed, her hands moving to rest on each of his shoulders.
"I called out to the bloody basilisk to attack people. I broke the necks of the roosters, so they couldn't crow and kill the bloody beast. I was a fool and I nearly got a lot of people killed, Hermione among them." She paused a moment to let that sink in. "You know what, Harry? If we're going to sit here and debate about who's a freak, I think we'd do well to remember this little escapade of mine. If you're a freak-- then-- so--am--I!" Harry's eyes flashed up at her, the hurt and confusion evident in them again.
"No Ginny, you didn't do any of that. It was all Tom." Harry stated firmly.
"You were just a victim of Tom. He used you, He…" Tom had used them all, he thought. He was beginning to hate that gnawing little voice in his head that kept telling him to push everybody away, to push Ginny away. It was almost like some last little residue of Tom was haunting him, trying to ruin his life, to control him.
"You're not a freak!" He blurted out angrily, through clenched teeth. Hope stirred in Ginny. She softly began to lightly massage his shoulders.
"Harry, if I was just a victim," she began quietly. "If I was used by Tom, then so were you, so were we all. If you don't think me a freak, then neither are you. You're just a tired unhappy boy who needs someone like me to hold you and be your friend." Ginny moved forward to press her body close to his and wrap her arms around his neck. Almost as if they had a mind of their own, Harry's arms snaked forward to clench around her waist and pull her close. He leaned forward, turning his head slightly, then nestled it on her chest. This was where he had always dreamed of them being, together in each other's arms.
"I love you, Harry Potter," her whole body quivered as she said these words, tucked warmly in his arms. "With my whole being I love you. I want you. I lust for you-- just like you lust and desire me. I want to be your companion, your girlfriend, your lover—and, maybe someday your wife. I want us to be together and find a big house and fill it with our love and as many children as the fates decree. Then I'll spend the rest of my life loving you and our children. Now isn't that a better future than being a lonely prat in this drab little prison you've confined yourself to?"
The feel of her and the smell of her were overwhelming his senses. The thought that after all these years, he might actually be able to fulfill the dream of being with her was overpowering.
"You make it sound so easy, Ginny. Nothing is ever that easy...as much as I'd really like it to be." As much as I'd like to tear off your nightgown, pull you down onto this bed and ravish you senseless, came the rambling thought.Harry was in dire straits now with Ginny in his arms and swearing her unbridled love and devotion to him.
"It is just that easy, Harry. Tell me you love me. Tell me that you want a life with me, a home, and a family, and we can make it happen." Harry moved his head back and lifted it till he could behold her face.
She gave him her most beguiling smile and leaned down to kiss his cheek. Harry felt his whole body tingle, then a rush of fire spread through him. A faint whisper of the moral voice was all that was left in him, as the monster in his chest roared, said bugger off to the little voice as he tightened his grip on Ginny and pulled her back onto the bed with him.
His arousal was all too evident and all too painful to him. Using his feet he propelled them back to the middle of the large bed, then rolled over on top of Ginny, catching her lips with his own. Ginny's hands quickly moved into his hair as their mouths opened to deepen the kiss. Ginny's tongue snaked forward first, inviting Harry to further explore with her and Harry's tongue wrapped itself around hers they were lost in the passion of the moment. Ginny's legs suddenly gathered themselves around Harry's waist as Harry, without thinking, found himself massaging his arousal over the damp intersection between Ginny's legs. Before long they broke their fevered kissing to let air into their deprived lungs and take a moment to think. Their breathing was strained and they were gasping from their passion.
"Ginny..." Harry moaned out her name. "Are you sure that this is what you really want?" Harry asked trying to focus on her, amid their eyes meeting and locking on each other.
"Yes, Harry. I love you, I've wanted this for so very long." She managed to just get the words out between pained breathes.
"I do love you Ginny Weasley, I-I want you as well. I-I need you!" He moved down to capture her mouth again and the passion flared anew.
Ginny understood that they were at the moment of truth in their relationship now. Without even a brief hesitation she reached down and took her wand from the pocket of her nightgown, and thinking of Kreacher's last Muggle adage of advice, Carpe Diem, is meaning-Seize the Day, she promptly banished their clothing. Feeling the loss of his boxers, surprised Harry, but he was beyond caring at that point. He felt the moist warmth of Ginny underneath him and the full image of what she was offering him, and repositioned himself and slowly thrust himself past the final barrier that made them two separate entities and joined with Ginny. He felt her legs tighten around him urging him further on.
So the dance of their heated desires stormed on through them and before long Harry's forceful passion caused Ginny to be swept away as the tide of pleasure washed over her in pulsating waves of blissful release. As they continued to move together as one Ginny thought only of how this was where she belonged, in love with, loved by, and enjoined in the passion of love with her Harry. He was finally her Harry now. One small sharp pain had been the only reminder that her old life was over. She had opened a new door to the future with Harry, and had offered him the possibility to join with her to embrace that future.
In a still coherent corner of her passionately overtaxed brain, simple repercussions were considered by her fading consciousness. No longer would she be the 'ickle Ginnikins' that Fred and George had taunted her with for years. Now Ginny Weasley would be the companion and lover of Harry Potter and as soon as she could cajole Harry into the right frame of mind, she would be Mrs. Ginevra Molly Potter, wife, intimate partner and mother to the next generation of the Potter Clan. Yessss!
Harry was lost in the whole wonderful experience of making love to his girl, his Ginny, for that is how he, all of a sudden, thought of her. He felt the pleasure build and course through her and thought, I made her feel that, I made her happy. Then he felt that pleasure flash through himself and they both felt his release flood Ginny with the warm liquid of his essence deep inside of her. Somehow though, Harry did not slow his movements. The monster in his chest just seemed to rage more fervently and so their passion continued until they were both spent and lie asleep in each others' arms, their love pushed beyond limits that they could comprehend, their bodies completely bereft of energy and they hearts entwined in the warm wonderful sanctuary of the love that they had finally acknowledged in each other.