Chapter 14

"I'll miss you." I laughed, failing to escape my sister's grip.

"I'm not leaving forever, I'll be back soon." She looked at me, a mix of sadness and fear churning in her eyes. "I swear to it." With one more embrace, I let her go into Kristoff's arms and took a step onto the gangway. With a calming breath I continued up to the ship, grabbing onto Nikolai's free hand. I took my daughter from his hold and pulled her in close.

"Is she going to be okay?" Nik waved to Anna with me.

"Our parents died on a boat. I made a poor choice of words and reminded her of it." I spoke through my smile. I raised Alyssa's arm to wave it at her aunt. When Kristoff turned Anna back to the castle, I turned away and took another breath.

"Hey, calm down. You're going to get her sick." I blinked at the snow falling in my eyes and filled my mind with my sleeping baby's face, chasing the cold away. I handed her back to Nikolai and he went to set her down in her crib. "You need to stop thinking about it." I was looking over the water, looking at home, when the warmth of Nikolai's hand spread through my back.

"You know I missed the funeral. My parents. I couldn't bring myself to get up, get dressed in the black gown and go stare at a patch of earth with empty boxes below it. Anna went alone. I can't believe I could do that to her." The warm hand moved away when ice leapt onto Nik's skin. "I'm sorry." I watched the ice covering the wood of the boat trickle over the edges as it melted.

"I didn't know. I'm not going to pretend I understand any of the feelings associated with loosing a parent, both of mine and all of my many siblings are still alive and well, but I can still try to help you. What good am I as a husband if I can't do at least that?" I felt his hand on my back again and closed my eyes. What good am I as a wife if I cant at least try to love my husband?

"You should get some rest, your Majesty, we will arrive on the shores of the Southern Isles late tomorrow afternoon, from there I feel you might be a little… overwhelmed by the family." Desmond announced himself boldly from behind us. When I turned around I found myself forced to watch his servants faun over him, making sure he wasn't hit with sea spray, didn't step in dirt, didn't get too much sun.

"Thank you, father, Elsa will be fine." I smiled to myself at the irritated undertone in Nikolai's voice. At lease I knew I wasn't alone in my dislike of the King.

"I noticed he didn't care about your rest." I whispered to Nik when Desmond and his pack of servants were out of earshot. He rolled his eyes and took my hand, leading below the deck to a small, dim sitting room just off the bedrooms where Alyssa was sound asleep. Nikolai nestled into the corner of a lounge and I spread myself across it, my head in his lap.

"You know, I've never seen that much of your magic before." Nikolai absently ran his fingers through my hair, which Anna insisted I wear loose today.

"Well I've spent my long twenty-two years of life learning how to use it, how to control it, how to undo it. I had a lot of training." I waved my fingers and a little frost bunny sprung from my hand, hopping about Nikolai's head and leaving frost on his ears.

"Where did you get your training from? The Snow Queen Academy?" I laughed, releasing another bunny to chase the first. He released the softest of laughs as it hopped after the other rabbit, leading both of them straight into my nose.

"My father's sister, the Queen of Corona, has a daughter who had powers. It's a family trait, so there were books handed down through the family to tell them what to do to help raise their children who are gifted. It names places to go for help from other magical sources." He got the hint I wasn't going to tell him more. Some family secrets should stay secret until it is necessary to tell them.

"Do you think you gave anything to Alyssa?" I pulled my hand back and rested it on my chest.

"I hope not. Just because we call them gifts does not mean they can't be curses. I don't know though. Rapunzel's power manifested at birth only because of the flower that healed her mother and altered her gifts. I, and from what I can tell almost all of the others, don't display any powers, or even hints we will receive them, until we're almost a year old. When I was born, my hair was the same dark brown as my mother's but not long before my birthday they came to fetch me from my crib and found me in a pile of snow with white hair, but I was still warm. Later that day they took me to start my training." I painted snow murals on the walls in frost as I spoke, changing the picture to reflect my words. Nikolai watched in awe.

"How do you train a baby so young?" Nikolai watched a frost baby walk across the scene, snow falling around her face. I shrugged.

"I don't remember; that's just the story I was told. If I passed on a gift to Alyssa, we wont know until she's a little older." Sighing, the frost ran down the wall and evaporated as it hit the floor.

"She'll be fine. You are." I smiled up at him, flicking a horse into the air to gallop about the room. A cry pierced the air, vaporising the horse mid-leap. I moved to get up, but Nikolai took the opportunity to stand up and go into the room instead. I pulled the pillow under my head and stayed where I was.

"Is she hungry?" I called out. Nikolai's boots came thumping back into the sitting room, baby in arm.

"No, just wants her mama." I moved to take her from his hold, but she cried out at the removal. I set her back in Nikolai's grasp, and she quieted down.

"Actually, I think she's after dad." The smile I had dropped the instant I said it. Nikolai watched my face carefully, half holding my daughter out to me. I didn't amend my sentence. I didn't cry. I just felt a throbbing ache in my heart. I cleared my throat and made room for Nik to sit down with Lyss. I couldn't speak through the ache, but it was a new stage in my grief I wasn't sure how to process just yet. In my mind I was no where near ready to let Jackson go, but apparently my heart is reminding me letting go by no means equals forgetting, or not loving.

Nikolai left me to my ache, sensing it wasn't something he could fix or change or make better. He sat on the other end of the couch, playing with Lyss. I watched him with her, and for a split moment I could see that he was her dad, maybe not necessarily her father, but her dad. I flicked a puppy over to sit on my girl's shoulder. She bobbled her head about to see what the feeling was. When she saw the frosty animal, she made a gurgling squeal and it ran off, hiding behind Nik's ear. She tried to crane her neck to see the puppy, but it moved onto Nikolai's head before she could. She reached out an arm to grab the figure, but it vanished the moment her warm hands made contact. Turning to look at me, she stuck out a lip. I smiled and conjured another puppy for her.

I spent all day like that, sitting with Alyssa and Nikolai, showing them different frost animals and painting the walls. They both watched in awe, Alyssa more interested in catching the flying creatures, but Nikolai was in true awe at what I could do. I was more than overjoyed Desmond didn't come looking for some bonding time with his granddaughter and no one came to deliver any messages, good or bad, and I could just be with my family properly.

Lunch rolled by marked only by a serving boy bringing in a plate of food for each of us and before I had time to think about how many hours I had spent in the small room, dinner came along.

"Your Majesties, the King Desmond invites you to join him for dinner tonight." The serving boy announced from the bottom of the stairs. I looked back at Nik, holding my arms out for Lyss.

"You go ahead, I'll feed her and meet you there." I smiled as he kissed the top of her head, got up and repeated the action for me before going up on deck. I pressed my nose into Alyssa's hair and breathed her in. She started making fussy noises at me, swiping my chest. Before she got out of hand, I set her up to feed and leaned back into the couch. She all but fell asleep by the time she'd had her fill and lay there lazily with her eyes fluttering, fighting to stay open against her mind's will. Smiling at her determination, I stood up and rocked her all the way to her crib. Before she was even set down she was fast asleep. I stroked her hair a moment, watching her face relax as she slept. Eventually I sighed to myself, knowing I would have to go up to dinner at some point.

"Elsa, thank you for joining us." Desmond's smile made me nauseous as he rose his glass. His drop of my title didn't go unnoticed by myself, or Nikolai by the look on his face.

"Wouldn't miss it." I took my place beside Nik and immediately he gripped my hand and gave me a look that clearly communicated 'where the hell have you been?'. I squeezed back in reply and he released me to eat my food. There was near silence as the meal finished up aside from Desmond's disgusting chewing sounds and Nikolai's teeth grinding together.

"Well, thank you both for your riveting company, but I think I'll turn in." Nik and I bowed to his father as he left the dining room and headed into his quarters. I huffed at the air when the King was out of sight and Nikolai laughed.

"You're just lucky you only had to be here for ten minutes." I thanked the serving staff and guards before returning below deck. It was pitch black when we descended the stairs. There was one sconce on the wall, but it was unlit and there were no torches to light. I made my way to the room by feel and memory, but I kicked several pieces of furniture on the way. Thankfully our thudding through the room didn't stir Alyssa and we could go straight to sleep without interruption.

One long night of broken sleep and a crying baby later and the sun was rising. Thankfully Nikolai was more than happy to take over when he got up, leaving me to sleep some more. I could faintly hear gurgle-squeals and laughter as I slept, but it just lulled me deeper into my sleep.