Chapter 16
"Come in!" I called to the knock at the door. Nikolai stuck his head out of the wardrobe to see who was there. The door budged open and a serving girl stood, head bowed, in the hall. "Yes?" I asked slowly. She mumbled when she spoke.
"Prince Nikolai, your father requests I inform you and your wife dinner will be held in the family dining room tonight and he request you bring your daughter." I moved closer to the door.
"Thank you. What's your name?" I asked softly. With her head still bowed, she mumbled.
"Regina." I smiled as she lifted her eyes slightly.
"Thank you Regina, tell the King we'll be there." I watched her shuffle down the long hall before closing the door. "What does your father do to those poor people?" Nik sighed, leaning on the doorframe.
"I never asked because I didn't want to live in this castle with him knowing what was happening around me. It's only him though, my brothers and sisters would never do that to someone." I huffed.
"If you ask me this Kingdom will be much better off with a change of monarch." Nikolai's eyes widened and he looked around as though someone else was in the room, or on the floor even.
"Don't say things like that around here. Words have consequences here." The panic and worry in his tone made me back down. I may be a Queen in my own right, but Desmond was a much more powerful King in his. A King who happened to have a claim to my Kingdom as well. I sighed and stiffened when another cold wind blew against my back, frost crystals crept up my arms from my elbow. I looked at Nik, who turned back to organising our luggage in the wardrobe. I got up and walked over to the balcony doors, which were locked, to see a rather bright day with the sun out in full force. Opening the doors, a warm, gentle breeze drifted into the room, along with an icy butterfly I quickly caught and melted.
"What is happening?" I mumbled, looking at my hands. Am I loosing control again? Pulling my hands into fists and hiding them in my chest I stepped onto the balcony, into the early winter sun. Something is wrong, or at least something is happening that shouldn't. The warm breeze contorted and shifted into a cold spiral wind, curling around me. I couldn't be imagining this, and this wasn't me. I could feel my magic lying dormant, awaiting a command. I had control. Someone else was controlling this wind.
Do not fear this presence child.
An alien voice spoke to me. I have no idea if it was in my head or around me, either way it was not connected to a body.
Surely you sense the familiarity, and not just to your own power.
I waited for another line, but it seemed to be waiting for my reply. All I know is that there's something off about the wind. It's not mine, and it's not natural, but it felt like it was mine; like I had always had that cold wind around me, but I was never controlling it.
You see, nothing to fear. You know what this is.
No, I don't. I can't figure out who or what is creating this, unless it's you.
Technically yes, I created this, but at the present moment I am not controlling it. I gave my control to another; a worthy Guardian of the Winter Spirit. After all, he cared for you and the winter spirit is not much different.
No. Stop this. This wind is yours and whatever you're saying is just to get in my head. Whatever your motives, I will not fold to you.
I told you this is not me. If you believed in the spirits you would see for yourself, alas you can't and my new Guardian refuses to do much else but try to get your attention. He needs you to believe in the spirits, Elsa.
I don't believe in spirits because I gave up on them. The Troll clans told me I could commune with the spirits of the passed and the spirits of the living world, and I never could. The spirits don't exist.
You couldn't commune with them because you were scared at the time. You were loosing control over your own magic and they thought the meditation required to commune would help both your control and your expansion of magical ability. They exist, Elsa, and they are me. I chose a worthy Guardian for the Winter Spirit to lighten my efforts. This Guardian is the spirit trying to reach out to you. Embrace it, child.
I felt like something force-fed me images, memories, of Jackson and I in the snow. Our snowball fights were a feature, us just lying there, me showing him things I had learned to do with my magic. Stop! He's gone!
No Elsa. He isn't.
The only way this intruder would leave is if I gave in. If I let myself give in to the side of me that wanted him, believed he was alive. I know he died, but maybe that death didn't stop him. Frost crept up my arms and wind blew through my hair, whipping it around my face.
Embrace it.
I breathed in the air and pulled my own magic from within me to join my wind with the other. Jackson? I closed my eyes, embracing the cold around me, joining it with mine. A snowflake landed on my nose and I opened my eyes. I was met with bright blue eyes, pale skin and a head of snow-white hair. Despite the changes, I could still see his brown hair and chocolate eyes set into his olive skin.
"Jackson." I felt tears well up in the corners of my eyes.
"Hey Elsa." His voice was the same as I remember. I closed my eyes again and rested my forehead on his. "I can't stay long." He whispered, rubbing my cheek with his thumb.
"What happened to you?" I asked, sniffling and brushing tears that escaped my eyes.
"It's a long story for another day. Right now, your husband and daughter can hear you talking to yourself." I smiled. Before I had the chance to tell Jackson about Alyssa he kissed my cheek and vanished in a cold gust of wind. I wiped my cheeks and waited till I thought my eyes returned to normal.
"Are you okay?" Nikolai put his hands on my arms and suddenly I felt invaded. I never felt like this with Nik before, when Jackson was dead. I nodded, turning around to break his hold on my arms.
"Just taking in the view." I smiled as convincingly as I could, but Nikolai's worried expression didn't falter.
"I have to go take care of some things I left behind. Will you be okay here for a while?" I nodded, holding up my smile. It wasn't so hard this time; with Nikolai out of the room Jackson might come back. "I'll send someone to check on you later." I smiled in thanks, not trusting anything that might come out of my mouth, and he left with a worried look on his face. I released the breath I was apparently holding when the door clicked shut.
"Jackson!" I called, hopefully not so loud Nikolai heard. I waited for the wind, but there was none. Sighing, I turned around to find the white haired figure standing over Alyssa's bassinet. "Jackson?" I moved toward him slowly.
"You did well. You moved on." I shook my head, reaching out to touch his hand. He flinched away before I could make contact.
"Not entirely. You knew this marriage was unavoidable." His mouth shaped the ghost of a scowl.
"Yet you managed to have a child together." I couldn't help but smile.
"Jackson." He didn't look at me. "Jackson." I grabbed his hand before he could move away. He looked up and I could see a storm in his eyes. There was something he was holding back.
"What?" His tone was soft, but there was something angry, yet sad and confused, in his face.
"She isn't Nikolai's daughter." I gauged his reaction. He looked at me like I was a stranger. "She's yours." He didn't flinch. Slowly, unsurely, he looked down at her and took his hands off the bassinet. He stared at the baby like she would attack him.
"No." I watched him cautiously.
"Jackson, look at her. She has your hair. Your skin. Your eyes. She is your daughter." He continued to watch Alyssa sleep. His eyes flicked over to mine. He looked like he was straining, confused and lost. "You don't remember? The night before my birthday." He blinked, his expression contorting into a confused pain. "Are you okay?" He shook his head.
"I can't… I don't see it." I put a hand on his shoulder, and he didn't flinch away.
"What's wrong?" He put a hand to his forehead.
"They're holding my memories. I can't see anything. I barely saw you. I didn't even know my full name was Jackson until you said it." He sounded angry, but was trying not to be.
"Who is?" He grit his teeth.
"The Guardians. The Man in the Moon. He brought me back. He made me this." He pressed both hands to his temples and pressed, still grinding his teeth in pain.
"Jackson –" A sound like a growl ripped from his throat,
"Jack! I'm not Jackson anymore, okay? I'm not him. He died." I stepped in front of the basinet, distancing Jackson from my daughter.
"You are him. You're standing right in front of me." I tried not to fall into the pit of despair growing in my stomach. Snow started falling from the roof, whether it was his or mine I couldn't tell.
"Elsa, stop. I should have waited." He groaned and gripped his head tighter, balling his hands into fists and pulling at his white hair.
"Jack. It's okay; you don't need to keep looking into the past." He crumpled to his knees.
"That isn't what's wrong. It's you, and her." He looked at the basinet before looking hastily away again, the snow falling heavier. "I'm not looking into the past, I'm looking at it." He groaned again and tried not to scream. Could anyone even hear him? I couldn't see him or hear him until I embraced the truth, was that just me? "I have to go." He got up, one hand still clutching his head, and rushed to the open balcony without stopping and dropped off the edge.
"Jackson!" I ran over to the balcony and saw him lift from his plummet like he was swinging from a rope and fly off into the north. I sighed and held back a frustrated growl. Ice was forming on the windows and creeping along the walls. I pulled away and thawed it before the door froze over. I heard a sound behind me and turned to see two tiny hands mushing together in an attempt to clap. Alyssa started making noises that, if she had full control of her voice box, would have been laughter.
"Oh my sweet little Lyssa. What are we going to do with him?" She smiled and clapped again, kicking her feet in excitement. Could she see him? Did that mean if anyone were in the hall they would have heard him crying out? My hope is she only saw him because he's her father. A shy knock sounded at the door. I opened it to reveal Regina standing in the hall, her head faced down.
"Hey, Regina." She curtseyed and spoke with her low voice,
"My lord Nikolai asked that I come to make sure you're okay. He says he's worried about you." I smiled.
"I'm fine, thank you." She moved to turn back down the hall. "Regina, can I ask how old you are?" She almost looked right up at me, but stopped herself half way.
"Not quite 17, your majesty." She didn't look 17, and she was definitely didn't act 17.
"Would you like to come in? I could use an extra set of hands to entertain Alyssa." I hoped she would take the offer, but she looked terrified to even be standing at the door talking to me. "If you have other work to attend to, I understand." I smiled, though she couldn't see it through her veil of thick hair.
"My apologies, but I do have a long list of chores to complete." She shuffled backwards.
"It's fine, just know you can stop by whenever you like. Okay?" She nodded cautiously and turned to make her way down the hall. I sighed when she was out of earshot. Desmond has done some serious damage to that poor girl.
A lot have people have damaged a lot of people.
What have you done to Jackson.
I didn't do anything to Jackson; he died last year. Jack on the other hand, I created him.
I don't understand how they are two different people.
Jackson was your best friend, your lover; he was a living human being. Jack is the body and mind of Jackson, fused with the Winter Spirit. He still has Jackson's mannerisms, voice, some of his personality, but the Spirit has replaced some of his where it needed to in order to latch on and give him control.
You resurrected him just to have him possessed by a seasonal spirit?
I can't be responsible for so much power, Elsa; I can't control it all the time. You of all people should understand. I saw him as a worthy Guardian of the spirit, a very close match. I could have picked him even if his personality wasn't a match. You would have a completely different Jack back in your life.
How is this a favour to me in any way? I had mourned him and I was healing, and now you bring him back to me just to make me watch him suffer while you hold onto his stolen memories. Does he even remember how he died?
It's too soon for him to know. He needs to learn what he needs to be as the Spirit before he can remember who he was. He can't try and fit back into his old life. I allowed him to see you because he needed to know, needed to know now, that he had a child.
You're torturing him, why would you let him see me if he wasn't ready to?
He was ready for you, but not for the revelation of his daughter. It was a strain on his memory; he doesn't remember everything about you. Only your name, your face and who you were to him.
Why do this to us? No one can know he is Alyssa's father. If they knew I could be overthrown.
You have other options.
None I will use. I will not put my sister in that position. I will not put Kristoff in that position.
If you're truly worried about being overthrown by your own people that is what you are to do.
Why do you even want this? What does Anna being Queen do for you?
It means Alyssa will be safe.
Safe from what?
Safe from what is coming for her. You're right about one thing Elsa; she won't show her powers for a while yet, but do not be fooled into thinking they won't show. Jackson was chosen as the Guardian's vessel when he was born. It was the winter spirit inside him that made him appeal to you, and you to him. I knew what would become of him and he had the power lying dormant within him his entire life. Your daughter has no way of avoiding inheriting something from the two of you. The exact nature of her powers though, I cannot tell you.
Can't or wont?
Can't. I don't know her fate. All I know is she has magic in her, and it is strong.
You're destroying my life. You're destroying my family.
No Elsa. I'm trying to protect you and your family.
How!
You don't know, and I can't tell you, but the Isles are not a partner you want to have access to your kingdom.
Not with Desmond on the throne, but surely Albert will save the Isles from their reputation.
Have you met Albert?
No.
You couldn't understand then.
I groaned out loud, stirring Alyssa from her almost sleep. I calmed her down and she drifted off again. Whoever this voice is, he is driving me crazy.