Chapter 8: New Perspective
JACOB
Ugh, rules was what I was thinking when Bella announced that my relationship with Nessie would be on probation. Sometimes I just didn't know when Bella thought I was her mother or when she thought she was my mother. For instance, sometimes she would think she needed my permission to do something. And sometimes she would act as if I wasn't allowed to do anything on my own!
It hadn't been like this before. Before, meaning before Edward left. We acted like good friends toward each other, as we were. Not like this! We had our own lives that we were allowed to lead. But I guess, now that our lives were so connected in so many ways…and Bella didn't have anyone else to lean on now that Edward was gone, not really.
And when Bella told Ness and me there would be no sex, I knew it would be decent to accept this fact, to feel comfortable with this fact, to not care about this rule! But no, all of a sudden I was stripping Ness with my eyes. All of a sudden I saw her in a light that was, well, quite sensual. The healthy bust and butt were very apparent. And her eyes…the way she batted her lovely lashes…those Bella-brown eyes…
It was different than how I used to think of Bella. Less of a raw craving, you could say. I mean, I had been expecting this. It was inevitable. But I had to admit she was young. So I really shouldn't have been thinking about her this way.But those eyes…
RENESMEE
Abstinence? I thought, somehow disappointed. And I was no longer the innocent mama's baby I had been. It was inevitable that Mom would instruct me like this, but…I felt unsatisfied. Once my brother, as I turned to look, Jake was a very sexy new boyfriend. I had never seen anyone in this way before, and it would never be anyone but Jake I would see like this, I knew that for sure now.
I had to accept the rule. One day, though…it couldn't come fast enough. And though he never really showed his sexual tendency towards me, I could sense deep down that Jake couldn't bear the waiting either.
But I had to. I knew I could disobey my mother if I wanted to, and I had before—but I was really only thinking about my father. Yes, I still remembered him. I suppose the vampire in me gave me the excellent memory. And Jake had told me stories. In private, of course. My mother couldn't bear to.
But I knew by now that if my daddy knew I was having sex at such a young age, he would probably, in teen language, flip out. After all, if he hadn't knocked up my mother when they were still so young, and before she had been turned, I would never have been born. And of course, I was the reason my father had left. I couldn't blame him, not really, from the bottom of my heart. After all, who would want a half-monster?
Only Jacob. My Jacob. Because he was a half-monster of sorts too. And that's why we were perfect for each other.