IMPORTANT NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR (PLEASE READ):
Let's see how Mamoru is doing...
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Crossroads in Life
Written by Princess Kayla
Inspired by Naoko Takeuchi's "Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon"
Chapter Thirteen
View from a Rose
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It was odd to return to a place where road signs were written in Japanese. After so long in America, I felt like I needed to reprogram the way my mind functioned. The taxi quickly arrived at our location, and we got out with the bags we were able to bring with us. We went ahead and packed all of our other belongings, and Evelyn promised to ship them for us.
Before us stood a tall set of stone steps framed by a customary shrine entrance that read 'Hikawa Shrine.' Rei tugged her bag on to her shoulder and started the climb. It was a struggle to tackle the many steps after a long flight. I had to let out a ragged breath when we reached the top. An older woman approached us. She was dressed in red and white, traditional shrine robes. She bowed before us in greeting, "Welcome home, Miss Rei."
After we bowed, Rei asked the woman, "I was notified that great-grandfather is not feeling well."
An expression of understanding came over her face, "Yes, I'm afraid that's true." Rei nodded and the woman stepped aside, "This way." She led us into one of the buildings. "Please wait here," she said as she went behind a sliding paper framed door. We could hear some words being exchanged and then the woman returned. "Miss Rei, you may see him now," she directed.
I lifted my hand to take her bag, "Go on." Rei smiled weakly in thanks and then went to see her great-grandfather.
"Please, Sir," the woman said to me, "Follow me. I will take you to the guest house." I did as she said; letting her guide me to a small building that had two bedrooms and a small bathroom. "If you need anything, I will be in the main building."
"Thank you," I said as she left me in one of the rooms. I sat the bags down and took a seat on the floor. As I hoped Rei was okay, I decided to call Sir and inform him of everything.
"I am pleased to hear you have returned to Japan, Mamoru, because I have come upon an interesting opportunity for you," Sir stated.
"What is it?" I asked, curiously.
"I was having lunch with some gentlemen the other day and spoke of your desire to go into pediatrics," he explained, "One of the men present was a Dr. Ryou, a pediatrician. He owns his own practice about a half an hour from downtown Tokyo. He took interest in you and would like to meet you. He is needed another doctor on staff and would consider you doing your residency there."
I was dumbstruck. Even though I returned with Rei, I wasn't sure I would remain in Japan.
"I know you are torn on staying in America, and I have been pleased with your success there. However," he said gently, "I would be honored if you would allow me to assist you in this next step of your career."
My eyes widened, "Sir, you have provided for me all this time. I would have never made it through school without your assistance."
"This is different, Mamoru," he sighed, "Honestly, after the talk we had at graduation, I would like to have you back in Tokyo."
After all of these years, it appeared that Sir wanted to have an actual relationship. Perhaps, he even wanted to be more of a father. In the past, I would have looked at this and said, 'It's too late.' However, now, I didn't want to.
"Sir, I would be grateful to meet with Dr. Ryou," I told him.
I could hear a joyful change in his voice as he replied, "Wonderful. I will set it up. Let's have dinner sometime soon, after you know more about Rei's grandfather's health."
"That would be great," I agreed. Then the door to the guesthouse opened and Rei walked in, her face sullen. "Sir, I have to go. Rei just arrived." Once we said 'goodbye,' I put the phone aside and focused all my attention on Rei. "What happened? How is he?"
Slowly, she sat down. Worry took over me as I watched her quiet figure. "Rei?" I whispered, nervous from the silence.
"He's dying," she said softly. I was unsure of how to respond to her statement so I remained still. After a moment, she continued, "He's still able to talk and do things for himself, but he is getting worse everyday. He wanted me to come home before he couldn't communicate anymore." She resituated, pulling her legs up to her chest. "He wants to pass down his wisdom to me because he wants me to take his place when he dies."
"As High Priestess?" I asked with surprise.
She nodded and tucked her face into her knees. "I told him there is not enough time to teach me," she mumbled, "I told him that I am not worthy. I'm not like him."
I waited for her to say something else, but she didn't, so carefully, I stated, "Maybe you are."
Her eyes shot up to meet mine, "What?"
"Rei, after all of your courses in college, did you ever find the answers you were looking for?" I asked, but she shook her head 'no.' "Maybe there is a reason for that. You have an ability that is hard to understand, but it seems like he is the one who is going to be able to teach you everything you have wanted to know." I tried to reassure her, "Perhaps, you were always meant for this."
"Are you telling me that you are believing in fate now?" she rolled her eyes.
I thought for a moment and came to realization, "I think I am starting to believe that sometimes the path you are following can bring you right back to where you once were - a little older and wiser."
She groaned and kicked me, "Stop trying to be wise." A laugh escaped her and I felt the heaviness in the room lighten.
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When Sir arranged my meeting with Dr. Ryou, I was extremely nervous, but I must have presented myself well because he decided to take me on at his practice. I was paid reasonably as I worked alongside him, gaining incredible knowledge while I put what I learned at school to practice. Some days were harder than others because of the symptoms of the patients, but helping the children however possible was so rewarding. I realized, with out a doubt, that I wanted this career.
I believed Rei's doubts were easing at the same time. Almost every moment she had was dedicated to working with her great-grandfather. She tried to absorb as much wisdom from him as possible even though he was weakening day by day. It was hard to watch sometimes because I saw that the more time she spent with him, the more attached she became, but she didn't have much time. Knowing that made me realize how important my time with Sir was, and I was thankful that our relationship had become something better.
Rei's great-grandfather allowed me to rent one of the guest rooms for the time being, so I used my time at the Hikawa Shrine to support Rei as she worked hard. It was surprising how much had to be done at a shrine. There was a never-ending need to keep the temples clean and welcome the guests, especially during the festivals. Since I was taller than most of the women who worked at the shrine, I found that I was needed often. The lantern festival was one of the times I found myself useful.
Carefully, I finished stringing several small lanterns through the trees. I had never been to a lantern festival before but from what I was told, several people were interested.
"Here they come," one of the workers said. I looked over to the stone steps to see some people arriving. "Mamoru, will you go over to the lantern stand and help the others distribute them to the guests?"
"Will do," I followed her request. It was explained to me that the lanterns represented different things - memorials for a loved one who had past, a prayer for the future. Right as the sun completely disappeared, a person would take a lantern, light it, and allow the flame to lift it in the air.
Families and couples came one at a time to get their lanterns. It amazed me how many people actually showed up. "It's almost time!" a man shouted as the light of the sun was fading in the distance. Everyone began to light his or her lanterns.
"Sir, could you help me?"
I turned to see a woman with long hair that shimmered almost a greenish hue in the remaining sunlight. Her reddish brown eyes smiled at me as she extended a lantern towards me. "I forgot to get a match," she stated.
"Of course," I quickly grabbed a lighter from the table, "Here you go." I helped the woman to ignite the lantern. The warm air filled the inside, puffing it up.
"Thank you." The woman gently took the lantern and bent down to a young girl with short black hair. "Okay, Hotaru, be careful. You need to..."
"My turn," a small voice behind the woman said.
"One second," the woman said and returned to showing the other girl how to hold the lit lantern.
"I can help," I declared as I stepped around the woman. When I saw the owner of the small voice, I froze. She was a tiny child. However, her hair was what stunned me. She wore her black locks in that ever so familiar dumpling headed style. She held up the folded lantern to me, and I realized that I needed to shake out of my awkwardness. Swallowing, I forced a smile and bent down to her level. "Okay, let me show you what to do," I took the lantern and popped it up into place. Carefully, I lit the wick and the lantern filled up. "Now you have to hold it here and here so you don't hurt yourself," I showed the child. As I held the lantern closer to her, the light of the flame lit up her eyes. Again, I stiffened. Her eyes. They were Usagi's eyes - a perfect match.
"Chibiusa, listen to the nice man and do as he says," the woman directed.
I swallowed nervously. Her name was Chibiusa, like a small Usagi.
Hesitantly, the little girl reached out to take the lantern. My breath caught. There, sparkling in the light, was the precious bracelet from long ago. I had to steady my shaking hands as she took the lantern.
"What do you say, Chibiusa?" the woman asked.
"Thank you," she murmured.
"Okay, everyone, get ready!" someone shouted as the last of the sunlight faded away. "Okay! Release the lights!" Lanterns began to fill the air as people released them.
"Hotaru, let it go," the woman told the girl next to her. She did so.
I took a deep breath and said to Chibiusa, "Okay, you too. Let yours go." The little Usagi let hers lift into the air. As it flew away, the child let out a sweet giggle and clapped her hands.
"There's mine!" Hotaru pointed happily as all the lights mixed together.
Awkwardly, I stepped aside so the three of them could see the lanterns better. However, as they watched the lights dance in the air, I watched the small dumpling headed child. I doubted many things in my life, but I knew that this little girl was Usagi's daughter. She had to be.
A million thoughts filled my mind. I wondered whom Usagi was married to. I wondered what life was like for her. I wondered if she was happy.
"Pretty!" Chibiusa exclaimed with such a joy that only reminded me more of her mother. The sight brought back an ache in my heart that I thought was long gone.
"Well, let's go," the woman said and I noted that the lights had become barely visible by this point. She put a hand behind each of the girls' heads, guiding them back to the shrine exit.
"Mommy, can Chibiusa spend the night?" Hotaru asked her.
"We need to ask Usagi first," the woman replied. There was the confirmation. Usagi was Chibiusa's mother. I had to fight the urge to stop the woman and ask about Usagi. Instead, I watched until the three of them had disappeared down the steps.
Cleaning up from the festival felt emotionless; my thoughts were far away from the work at hand. Once I was done, I went back to my room. I still felt stunned by the moments earlier. I turned my attention to the unpacked boxes that Evelyn had shipped for me. Searching through the boxes, I found the one I wanted. I dug through it until I found the photo album. With it in my hand, I sat down on the floor.
As I looked at the first photo of Usagi, the image of the little girl filled my mind. She was just as beautiful as her mother. She didn't have the same golden hair, but her face was what I imagined Usagi as a child would look like.
I jumped at the knock on my door. "Come in," I said.
"Good evening," one of the workers greeted me; "I just wanted to say thank you for tonight. We wanted to give you this." She extended a cream soda to me, "For all of your help."
"Thank you." I took the gift.
"Is that Usagi Tsukino?" Her question shocked me.
"Yes," I said, "Do you know her?"
She shrugged, "Not personally. I've seen her picture in the Cherry Project. I sometimes read her writings."
"The Cherry Project?" I questioned.
"Yes, it's a magazine. She writes short stories. They are pretty good," she explained. My eyes returned to Usagi's photo as I processed what she said. "Well, goodnight," she said as she left; my silence must have made her uncomfortable.
As soon as she was gone, I grabbed my laptop, pulled up the Internet and type in 'Usagi Tsukino, Cherry Project.' Immediately a link popped up from the Cherry Project's website. However, I didn't click on it. Instead, my eyes went straight to the link below it. I clicked it with hesitance.
A new page came up with a large photo of Usagi, Chibiusa and a raven-haired man at a restaurant. I read the caption below it, "Three Lights' Seiya Kou out to lunch with girlfriend Usagi Tsukino and daughter Chibiusa." My heart sank. It said 'girlfriend' so I assumed they weren't married, which surprised me because they looked like such a happy family.
I had to close that link because it caused my stomach to twist. I went back and clicked the first link, which took me to Usagi's work bio. As I read the information, I smiled. Usagi had become a writer, a published one. At the bottom of the page there was a link that said, 'If you would like to purchase the short stories of Usagi Tsukino, please click here.' Without hesitation, I purchased her work, which allowed me to digitally download the stories.
After I got more comfortable, I opened the first of her stories and began to read.
By the time the sun arose, I had read every single one of her stories. They were beautiful and intimate. Every word was a piece of her. However, there was something in the stories that broke my heart. There was an underlying sadness, and I couldn't help but believe I was the cause.
I finally shut my laptop and rested my back on the floor. I was exhausted and overwhelmed with regret.
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"Are you okay?" Rei asked me as we swept the steps of the shrine. "You've been weird for the past week."
I shrugged, "It's nothing."
She took her broom and swiped me across the leg, "None of that. Tell me the truth."
I let out a long sigh. "At the lantern festival, I was reminded of a girl I used to know."
"Was she there?" she questioned.
I shook my head, "No, but her daughter was."
"Oh," she said quietly, "I'm sorry."
"What for?" I asked.
"You are obviously disappointed," she stated.
"What does that mean?" I felt a tinge of aggravation.
This time, she sighed, "You wouldn't be in such a bad mood if you didn't love the girl. I imagine if I loved someone and found out that they had moved on, I would be hurt."
I stopped sweeping and stared at her. "I didn't love her." She rolled her eyes at me, irritating me. "Rei, I didn't love her."
"Mamoru, I feel like I know you pretty well. You obviously loved someone, and I wouldn't be surprised if you still do," she said, "But, after everything that has happened in your life, it makes sense if you can't recognize your own love for someone. I'm probably the same."
I wondered if she was right and that I was in love with Usagi, but forced myself to deny it all this time. Moments raced through my mind. The first time I genuinely smiled and laughed was with Usagi. The night I pushed her out of the way of that car showed me that I wanted to protect her always. The rose necklace was the first Christmas present I had ever given anyone. The day I got jealous at the Crown and kissed her was my first kiss. The night I gave into all my passions, I gave a part of myself that I realized now that I never wanted anyone else to have.
As I sat down on the step, nausea swept over me. I covered my mouth.
"Mamoru?" Rei sat down next to me and put her hand on my back.
I mumbled the words that I had avoided for so long, "I did love her. I do love her." Suddenly, it felt like my whole world came crashing down around me. "Why?" I gasped, "Why was I such an idiot? I pushed her away."
"Mamoru, you made a mistake," Rei stated, "But you did it because you didn't understand what love was. You never experienced it before so you couldn't recognize it in yourself."
"I am still an idiot," I groaned in despair.
"Yes, you are." I shot Rei a dirty look as she laughed. Then, she said with seriousness, "So you recognize the truth, now stop being an idiot and, next time, don't let love slip away." She sighed, "And, if she has moved on, be happy for her."
Distressed, I ran my hand through my hair and agreed, "You're right. She deserved so much better, and I am happy for her." Within me, I kept repeating those words, 'I am happy for her. I am happy for her.'
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The loud sounds of music puzzled me as I walked through downtown Tokyo with groceries in hand. Eventually, I came upon a large crowd in the center of the street. I turned to a man next to me, "What's going on?"
"It's some charity concert," he explained, "That's Haruka and Michiru." I stood up on the tips of my toes and squinted until I made out two forms, one playing the piano and the other a violin. I wasn't familiar with their music, but they were rather good, so as they finished their song I clapped.
As I continued on my way, the sound of the crowd grew. A loud voice filled the air, "Hey, everyone! Thank you so much for coming out to support ASHINAGA! Because of people like you, thousands of our country's orphans will be able to graduate from good schools! Thank you!" The crowd cheered more. "Now, let's give a welcoming round of applause for the Three Lights!" My ears stung as several girls let out shrieks of excitement; I rolled my eyes.
"Hello, Tokyo! I'm Seiya and these are my brothers Taiki and Yaten. Together you know us as the Three Lights."
As the cheers roared, I paused. Seiya - I tried to recall where I had heard that name before.
"We have a new song to perform for you today, but we are going to need a little help from a very special lady. Usagi Tsukino, come on out here!"
My heartbeat quickened and I immediately stood as high as I could to look over the crowd.
"Come on, Usa. Don't be afraid."
Distressed at my inability to see, I searched the area until I noticed a nearby bench. I hurried over to it, and stepped up on it. The woman seated yelled at me in disgust, but I did not care. My eyes were locked on the blonde who walked out on the stage. Even though I was far away, I could see her. She looked so grown up and no longer wore her hair in the dumpling style, yet I knew it was she.
"Usa, you have heard us sing this song several times, but I don't think you realize just how much it means to me. I would never have finished it without you. You know the words, so please sing with me," he said into the microphone. Music began to play, and he began to sing.
"My life was so empty,
Before you had come.
Now, your heartbeat gives me peace.
Your breath soothes my soul.
Baby, you're all, baby, you're all,
Baby, you're all I've ever needed."
He turned towards her and continued, "You're all I've ever needed." My throat went dry as he sang to her.
"I love you more than I knew
I could ever love someone.
And, God, it runs so deep;
I can barely even breathe.
I'll be your shelter from the storm."
My eyes widened as Usagi joined him in the chorus.
"Baby, you're all, baby, you're all,
Baby, you're all I've ever needed."
I was enamored at the beauty in her voice. I remembered that time in the park where I first heard her sing. I realized how desperately I missed it. She quieted herself as he continued with the next verse.
"Every promise I've made
Has led us up to this day.
Please remember my love,
When you've forgotten your way.
And this ache in my heart
Makes me want to stand tall.
When the world takes you down,
Know it isn't your fault.
Just know it's not your fault."
I stopped breathing when the she suddenly looked out to the crowd. It had to be my imagination, but I felt like she was staring straight at me as she sang softly, "Tell me it's not my fault." The line was a part of the song, but the words seemed directed at me.
The two of them joined hands and finished the song with a final round of the chorus. I did my best to block out his voice and focus only on hers. She was beautiful and as the song finished, I clapped as loudly as possible.
After several cheers of applause, Seiya Kou shushed the crowd. "Thank you so much, everyone! Isn't she amazing?" The people shouted in agreement. "Usa," he said as he turned to her, "You truly are amazing, in more ways than you may realize, and like I sang... 'I love you more than I knew I could ever love someone.' Usa, I mean every word. You mean the world to me and I want you at my side forever."
My whole body stiffened as Seiya bent down on one knee. The people in the crowd started to go crazy with excitement.
"Usa, I know it hasn't been long, but let's continue on this crazy journey together." He then asked the question that stabbed me right in my chest. "Will you marry me?"
I wanted to scream 'no' but I found myself not even breathing. My eyes widened as again she looked out upon the crowd and her eyes seemed to stop right one me. I reached out to her, but I was unbelievably too far and the roar of the crowd was deafening. The next thing I knew she turned back to him and must have said 'yes' because he leaped to his feet and took her in an embrace. For the first time since she walked out on the stage, I took my eyes off her. I couldn't dare look as he kissed her.
"In case you all couldn't tell, she said 'yes!'" Seiya shouted and people began jumping up and down as they clapped. That was when I stepped off the bench. I couldn't watch anymore.
By the time I arrived back at the shrine, the groceries were very heavy. I looked at the steps and sighed. Setting the bags on the ground, I turned around and sat down on the first step. I kept replaying what I had seen over and over in my mind. I rested my face in my hands and said aloud, "I'm happy for her. I'm happy for her." Yet, in my aching heart, my real emotions were in an epic battle for control.
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Please Pardon Grammatical Errors and Review.
"All I've Ever Needed" by Paul McDonald (Some words changed.)
It may be a little bit before the next update. I am going to be busy over the next few days. Thank you for your patience.