IMPORTANT NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR (PLEASE READ):
I hope seeing Mamoru's perspective will answer a lot of your questions from chapter fourteen.
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Crossroads in Life
Written by Princess Kayla
Inspired by Naoko Takeuchi's "Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon"
Chapter Fifteen
View from a Rose
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For the next few weeks, I felt like there was no escape from the news of the proposal. On television, in newspapers and magazines, even on the tongues of the patients and staff at the doctor's office - everywhere I relived the moment Usagi accepted Seiya's proposal. Desperately, I had to tune it out, so I sought to avoid all sources of gossip and media.
Looking back on that time with Usagi before I left for America, I remembered her being spirited, but very quiet about her personal life. I wondered how she was handling all of the publicity. However, a lot of time had passed; she could have changed. I knew that I did.
Nonetheless, I still found myself worrying about her.
Rei noticed my apprehension and often reminded me that Usagi was probably in good hands. I couldn't argue with her because it was clear that she would be financially sound with Seiya. He would provide for her every want and need. At least, I wanted to believe that.
"Are you fretting again?" I looked up as Rei came and sat across from me at one of the outdoor tables. Immediately, I shook my head and returned to reading and taking notes on a new kind of pain medicine for children. I heard her sigh, "It's okay; you love her. Just try to stay positive and trust her judgment."
Sighing, I glanced at the main temple doors and changed the subject, "How is your great-grandfather doing?"
She frowned, "He gets tired more quickly now."
"I'm sorry, Rei," I said sympathetically, "How are you doing?"
She rested her chin on her palm and stared off into the distance. After a moment, she exhaled, "He has been teaching me to channel my visions."
"What does that mean?" I asked.
"Well," she began, "He has been showing me how to control my visions and call upon them as I want, and believe it or not, it's starting to work."
My eyes widened, "Really? You didn't tell me that."
She nodded, "I have been getting better. I do well with past visions, but I still struggle seeing the future?"
"Struggle?" I inquired.
"Yes," she said softly, "I have had a couple of glimpses of the future now, but it hurts and exhausts me."
"What have you seen?" I questioned with great interest.
She gave a weak smile, "I saw myself. I touched one of the sacred scrolls that great-grandfather uses. When I held it in my hand, I saw a flash of myself dressed as the High Priestess."
"Rei," I said in awe, "That's amazing."
Suddenly, a small smile came to her lips, and she said very softly, "It is, isn't it? Believe it or not; once I had that vision, I felt like my life has a purpose."
"Does that mean you choose to stay here?" I asked, "And, that you are happy with that choice?" Slowly, she nodded. I grinned, "That's wonderful."
"Thank you." I watched my friend as she smiled and for the first time, I saw excitement in her. She had found her path and was determined to follow it. I longed for that for myself. I knew that I wanted to be a pediatrician, but I didn't feel like that was all I wanted. There was something missing.
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"I'm so glad that we got to have dinner tonight," Sir said as we finished up our meal.
I agreed, "It's been nice to catch up." It really was.
Since I moved backed to Japan, I made a point to call or meet with Sir regularly. Gradually, our relationship became more of a companionship, and I was pleased. It was hard to imagine what we were once like that. Sometimes, it hurt to know how long it took to get to this point, but I recognized now that both Sir and I needed to change. He had his faults and so did I; we just needed to acknowledge them.
"Do you work tomorrow?" he asked.
I shook my head, "No, we're closed on Sunday."
"That's right," he remembered.
"It's so tragic. I hope they find them soon," a woman at the table next to us said loudly as she stared at her phone.
The man across from her shook his head, "You know, statistically, after the first twenty-four hours, it's impossible to find someone."
"But that's just so sad," she commented with pity.
"Yeah, and she just got engaged too," he sighed.
"Poor Seiya," she added, "I can't imagine how traumatizing it is for him."
Instantly, a shiver ran down my spine. I leaned over to the table next to me. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but you said someone was missing? Whom were you talking about?"
Startled, she sat back a bit. She murmured, "Oh, um...Seiya Kou's fiancé."
My heartbeat quickened, "Usagi Tsukino?"
She nodded uncomfortably, "Yes, she was kidnapped a little over a day ago. They haven't been able to find her."
Abruptly, I jumped up from the table, shocking Sir. "Mamoru, what's going on?"
I looked around drastically; people were all gaping at me in confusion. Suddenly, I had an idea. "Sir, may I please borrow your car?" I asked in desperation.
He swallowed, "Mamoru, what is this all about?"
"Please, Sir! I promise to explain everything later. Please, I need your help," I begged. Seeing my despair, he took his keys from his pocket and gave them to me. I bowed to him gratefully, "Thank you. I will call you soon." With that, I shot out of the restaurant.
Outside, I clicked the key button until Sir's car flashed and honked. Quickly, I jumped into the vehicle and sped back towards the shrine. Fumbling, I pulled out my phone. I swerved a bit as I dialed Rei's number.
"Hello," she answered.
"Rei! I need your help!" I shouted.
"Mamoru? What's wrong?" Concern was clear in her voice.
I tried to catch my breath, "Usagi. She was kidnapped. No one has found her. Please help me!"
"What can I do?" she asked in confusion.
Considering my idea, I wondered if it was impossible, "I need you to have a vision."
"Mamoru, it doesn't work like that. I am still struggling with controlling what I see," she explained.
"Rei," I pleaded, "Just try!" A silent moment passed. "Rei! You're the only one I know who can help." My heart constricted, "Rei, I love her."
A sigh. "Okay. I need something of hers."
I thought for a minute and then remembered, "Go in my room. There is a box in the corner and inside is a photo album. She gave me that. There are many pictures of her in it."
"Okay!" I could hear the wind as she hurried, obeying my order. There was a rustling. "I found it. Which girl is she?"
A million images flashed through my mind of the beautiful girl. I saw her smile, her pout, her tears; they overwhelmed me. I swallowed the lump in my throat, "The blonde with her hair tied up in buns, like a rabbit." That statement made me imagine her wounded and helpless like a rabbit in a trap. My grasp tightened on the wheel.
"I see..." she said quietly, "Let me try."
I exhaled with relief, "I will be there in two minutes. Come down. I have Sir's car."
"Okay," she agreed, "I'm coming." She hung up the phone.
As I pulled up in front of the shrine, Rei was rushing down the steps towards me, photo album in her hands. Quickly, she jumped in the car. She stared me in the eyes, "I don't know how to do this. You have to understand; I can't make a vision just appear."
"Please, try," I begged.
With apprehension, she opened the album to a photo of Usagi and me. Then she placed her hand over the picture and took my hand, "I need your help."
"Okay, what do I do?" I asked eagerly.
"Just think about her. Keep your mind clearly focused on her," she explained. I nodded and watched as she closed her eyes and began to take deep breaths. Under her breath, she mumbled some words that I had never heard; perhaps, something that she learned in her training.
Anxiously, I did my best to only think about Usagi. I recalled all of our moments together, the moments I had taken for granted. As I looked back on the past, I remembered the Christmas we shared together. It snowed that night as I walked her home. She was so excited and spun around as the white flakes dropped from the sky. She caught them on her tongue as her long hair danced around her. That's when it hit me. That moment, as she let all her cares float away, was the moment I fell in love with her. A sob left my lips as my heart broke because I didn't recognize it at the time.
Suddenly, Rei's grip tightened, and I was transported to another place. My breath caught as I saw a man yanking Usagi and her daughter towards a car. She looked worn and was struggling to break free. I looked around her to see an old, abandoned building with 'Sunshine Motel' written on a sign hanging above. I tried to see something else, anything that could tell me where she was. Feeling like I was outside of my body, I spun around to the road. Stretching my sight as far as possible, I saw a road marker that read 'Fourth Street.'
Abruptly, I returned to the car, breathing rapidly. I covered my mouth, that familiar feeling of nausea sweeping over me. After a second of collecting myself, I turned to Rei. Her face was stained with sweat and a small bit of blood ran from her nose. "Rei?" I touched her shoulder, "Are you okay?" Catching her breath, she wiped the blood away nodded. "Was that the future?" I asked her.
She shrugged; her eyes brimmed with tears. "I'm not sure. I'm sorry." I swallowed the wave of fear that overwhelmed me; I wondered if we were too late.
Pushing my doubts aside, I quickly took out my phone, praying as I typed 'Sunshine Motel, Fourth Street' into the web search. My eyes widened when an address immediately popped up. For a moment I thought, perhaps, fate was on my side, but then I saw that it was thirty minutes away. "Here it is," I declared and typed the address into my map; I wasn't going to let the distance stop me. I threw the car into drive, and we were off.
Rei continued to collect herself for several minutes. "Rei," I whispered, trying to concentrate on the road, "Are you going to be okay?"
"Yes," she replied softly, "I have never pushed myself that hard. I knew we needed something to tell us where she is, so I strained until I saw the road sign."
"Thank you," I said.
She sighed and looked at her phone. "Mamoru, I don't know if this is where we are meant to go, but maybe we should call the police anyway."
I nodded, "Maybe your right. Tell them it's an anonymous tip. They won't believe the real story."
"Okay," she agreed and made the call.
I checked the map as she finished giving the address to the police. We were ten minutes away. I pushed my foot further down on the gas. I kept telling myself that she was going to be there. I was going to find her.
"Your destination is ahead on the right," the voice for the map informed us.
"Mamoru," Rei pointed ahead, "There it is, and..." She didn't have to finish because I saw what she did. As we came down the road, the car's headlights revealed to us what we had seen in the vision. A man was jerking Usagi roughly to a car with its trunk open.
"Turn here!" Rei directed. As I did so, the horrible sound of a gunshot filled the air. Rei gasped in fright. I spun the car into the parking lot as Usagi struggled against the man. Slamming on the break, I shoved the car into park and jumped out.
"Go, Chibiusa! Go!" I could hear Usagi scream. That's when I saw the child. She ran in our direction as fast as her little legs could carry her.
"Rei! Help the girl!" I shouted as I rushed towards Usagi who was following behind her daughter.
My heart stopped as another gunshot rang out. Usagi's whole body jolted forward. I felt a mile away as she crashed to the ground. "Usako!" I screamed in horror. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion; I could barely comprehend what was happening.
However, as I watched her form go still against the concrete, my blood boiled over. With an overwhelming force, I rushed forward, surprising the man. I knocked the gun far away from him and took him to the ground. In rage, I beat him until he went still.
"Mamoru!" Rei's voice filled my ears. I looked back at her to see her next to Usagi.
Swiftly, I went to Usagi's side. From the light of Sir's car, I could see blood seeping through the back of her shirt. "Usako!" I leaned down to hear her breathing. I checked her pulse; it was very weak.
"Momma?" I looked up at the fear-filled eyes of Usagi's daughter.
Rei stood up and picked the girl up, "Come here."
As Rei stepped away to shield the child from the scene, I tore open the back of Usagi's shirt. She had been shot in her shoulder and was bleeding heavily. Quickly, I ripped off my own shirt and used it to put pressure on her wound. Gently, I lifted Usagi up off the pavement, but immediately I feared hurting her more. My mind raced through all of the knowledge I had gained throughout school. I tried to follow the procedures that I had been taught, but as I looked at Usagi's helpless form it was hard to keep myself stable. I checked her pulse again and my body stiffened; her pulse was getting weaker. "Usako, hang in there!" My demand sounded weak as I let out an uncontrollable sob.
"Over here!" Rei shouted. I looked up to see her waving her hands wildly in the air. That's when I noticed the flashing lights and the sirens of a police car and ambulance. "There! Please, she has been shot!" Rei pointed at Usagi. The paramedics rushed forward, taking my place. Swiftly, they went into action, moving her onto a stretcher and leading her back to the ambulance.
"That man on the ground over there. He is the kidnapper. He shot her." I heard Rei explained to the police; I was following behind the paramedics, afraid to take my eyes off Usagi.
"Sir," a police officer came up to me, "We need to ask you some questions." I didn't answer. "Sir, did you hear me?"
"We're losing her!" A shout came from inside the ambulance. "Get us to the hospital now!"
"Usako!" I screamed as they slammed the doors to the ambulance and it sped out of the parking lot. I chased after it as if I could possibly keep up.
"Sir!" the police officer grabbed my arm, "We need you to come with us."
I shook my head in distress, "No, I need to be with her."
"Listen to me. We will be heading to the hospital too, but we need your help to understand what is going on," he stated, "Please answer some questions for us." Distraught, I followed his orders.
. . .
I didn't care about the bloodstains on my pants, but I was thankful for the t-shirt a nurse provided for me. However, as I sat in the hospital waiting room, I could not focus on my appearance. Tapping my foot anxiously, I kept watching the doors to the critical care unit; over an hour had passed, but there was no news.
"Momma..." came a soft whimper. I turned my eyes to see Usagi's daughter sitting in Rei's lap.
Rei pushed the curls out of the little girl's face, "Try to rest, Chibiusa. The doctor's are taking good care of your mom, and your grandparents are on their way." A rumble came from her tummy. "Are you hungry?" Rei asked her, receiving a small nod. Rei smiled weakly, "Let's go to the cafeteria and get something to eat." Chibiusa shook her head. "Do you want to stay here with Mamoru?" Rei questioned.
My eyes met the sweet blue ones. After a moment of discernment, the girl nodded. Rei sat her down and stood up, "Okay, I will be right back with something to eat." She gave me a sympathetic look as she left.
I stared at the child; she looked so broken and helpless. "Chibiusa, right?" I asked. She nodded so I smiled at her, "It's nice to meet you. I'm Mamoru. I knew your mom before you were born." Her eyes widened. "We were friends when we were younger," I explained, "but I moved away."
"Mamoru?" she repeated, checking to see if she had my name right. I nodded in confirmation. Suddenly, large tears poured down her face. "I want my momma," she cried.
As if it were instinct, I picked her up and cradled her in my arms. She didn't resist; instead, she snuggled into me, letting her tears soak my t-shirt. I gently shushed her as I rocked her back and forth. She was so small in my arms and hurt from what she had experienced. Imagining everything she and Usagi had been through made me sick to my stomach.
Slowly, her sobs were replaced with slow and even breathing. Thankfully, she had fallen asleep.
Rei came back with a takeout box in her hands. She noticed Chibiusa's sleeping form and smiled with relief. Returning to the seat next to me, she asked, "Do you want something to eat?" I shook my head 'no' so she sat the food aside. "I'm so glad she is finally asleep. I was worried the police would try to ask her more questions. She's just too little to understand everything. Poor thing. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to bring her to the hospital, though. Perhaps, she should have gone with child services," I gave her a look of disagreement so she added, "but I knew you wouldn't want that."
"How did you get them to let us keep her," I asked.
She tilted her head as she stared at me, "I just told them that you are her..."
"Chibiusa!" Rei was interrupted as a man and woman hurried towards us. Flashes from my past reminded me of Usagi's family photo; this couple was her parents.
I quickly stood up and motioned for Usagi's mother to take Chibiusa. "She just fell asleep," I stated, "She's been fighting the exhaustion." She began to cry as she held Chibiusa tightly to her chest.
Usagi's father looked me over, "Are you the man that saved their lives?"
I was taken aback by his statement and simply said, "I did what I could. I wish I had gotten there sooner."
Suddenly, he surprised me by hugging me. He squeezed me tightly, "Thank you! Thank you!" I didn't no what to say. He let me go, and I noticed the tears in his eyes.
"Dad! Mom!" a teenage boy appeared behind the couple. I knew then that he was Usagi's brother. He saw Chibiusa and gasped, "Is she okay?"
His mother nodded, "Yes, she is just sleeping." I watched the boy sigh with relief. "What about Usagi?" she then asked me.
I looked down at the ground. "She was shot in the back, in her shoulder blade. She was taken straight into surgery when she got here. She lost a lot of blood and hit her head hard on the concrete. There hasn't been any news in awhile," I gave them all the information I had. They looked at each other, clearly distressed.
"I am going to go and inform them that we are here and need news as soon as possible," Usagi's father said as he walked towards the nurses' station.
"Now that you are here, they will probably give you more details," I stated, trying to comfort her mother. She and her son went and sat down.
Rei touched my arm, "I'm sure they will let us know something soon."
"I hope you are right," I said.
Abruptly, a group of people came hurrying down the hall. As they came closer, my breath caught. It was Seiya with Minako and Motoki. Seiya raced past me to Usagi's mother and daughter, but as soon as Minako saw me, she halted. My throat felt like it was closing up.
"Mamoru?" Motoki gaped at me. Slowly, he approached me, "Mamoru, what are you doing here?"
I swallowed, "I found Usagi."
His face was covered in surprise, "How?"
I glanced down at Rei. She gave me a look that said, 'good luck trying to explain this one.' We had already lied to the police by telling them we were on our way home from an out of town trip.
Turning back to him, I sighed, "It's hard to believe, but..."
Minako interrupted, "You are the one who saved Usagi?"
I didn't answer so Rei did for me, "Yes, he is."
After staring at me for a moment, Minako lifted her hand to cover her mouth as a sob escaped her lips. Tears began to fall as she closed the distance between us and embraced me. I stiffened, not expecting that at all. As she cried, she mumbled, "I don't know how you did it, but thank you, Mamoru."
Motoki stepped forward and gently pulled Minako towards him. He nodded to me with a weak smile, "Yes, Mamoru. Thank you."
Minako rubbed her face roughly, "What did the doctor say?"
I frowned, "We are still waiting on an update." I pointed behind us, "Usagi's family is over there."
Motoki shook his head in disbelief, "This is all so crazy. I can't believe this is real." He motioned to me, "And you are here. I honestly never thought I would see you again."
"I thought the same thing," I stated. I grimaced at the memory of how rude I had been. "Motoki, Minako, I am so very sorry for the way I treated you in the past," I bowed in remorse.
"Mamoru, honestly," I looked up at Minako as she spoke, "It's Usagi that you have to apologize to. You have no idea what she has been through because of you."
I cringed at her words. "I know," I affirmed, "I will regret everything I have done for the rest of my life."
Minako bit her lip as she studied me. "You're different."
"I hope so," I replied, "I never again want to be who I was." Both of them stared at me in awe.
Suddenly, the doors opened. We all went towards the doctor as he entered the waiting room. "Are you Usagi Tsukino's family?" he asked
"Yes, we are," Usagi's father answered.
The doctor took his glasses off and cleaned them with his shirt. Carefully, he explained, "Miss Tsukino's body has suffered a great deal. The bullet that entered her back almost pierced her lung. Luckily, we were able to remove it. She lost a lot of blood and needed a transfusion, which has been successful so far. However, when she fell to the ground, she hit her head on the concrete. We had to remove some fragments from her temple and the side of her face. We did a MRI and CT Scan, which show some bruising that we are watching closely. She is unconscious at this time."
Usagi's mother let out a whimper, causing her husband to pull her close to his side.
Seiya took a step forward, and his voice shook as he spoke, "When will she wake up?"
The doctor put his glasses back on, "Honestly, I can't say. I promise you though, we are monitoring her condition as closely as possible."
"Can we see her?" her mother begged.
"Yes, but only immediate family members," he noted Chibiusa, "Also, I think it would be best to take her home. Miss Tsukino's appearance may be too much for her right now."
Minako walked past us. "I'll take her home and get her cleaned up."
"Thank you," Usagi's father said as Minako took Chibiusa in her arms.
"Okay, follow me," the doctor led Usagi's family and fiancé through the double doors.
Chibiusa still slept as Minako walked back to us. She looked at Motoki, "Let's go. I want to get her out of this place."
Motoki nodded and then turned to me, "It's probably best if you get cleaned up too." He pointed at the blood on my pants. "I still have your phone number so I will let you know as soon as I hear something, okay?"
"Okay," I agreed, "Thank you." With that, they left us in the waiting room.
Rei went over and picked up the abandoned food, "We can just take this with us." As she spoke, I stared at the doors, wishing I could have gone with all of them. "Mamoru," Rei took my hand. She gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Don't worry. They will call and let us know what's going on. I really believe everything will be okay."
Hesitantly, I agreed and followed her. As we left, it felt like my body was being torn in two.
. . .
Resting on the floor of my room, I closed my eyes trying to erase the image of Usagi's motionless body from my mind. Every part of me yearned to be with her, to know if she was okay. I checked my phone again. Nothing.
The sliding door to my room opened, and Rei stepped inside, carrying a plate of noodles and some warm tea. She sat the food on the table and joined me on the floor. "Did the shower help?" she asked.
I shook my head, "Not really." Sitting up, I asked, "Do you think you could have another vision?"
She sighed, "Mamoru, I'm sorry, but I really have no energy left." I nodded in understanding.
My phone dinged and I quickly opened the message from Motoki. I read it aloud, "Usagi's condition is improving. She isn't awake, but the doctors are hopeful. Mina got Chibiusa cleaned up and fed. She is resting with her now. Thank you, Mamoru. We need to meet in person as soon as possible." I sighed, feeling a little bit of peace, and wrote back, 'Thank you for the update. Please continue to do so. Yes, we will get together soon.' Setting the phone aside, I ran my hand through my still damp hair.
"That's very promising news about Usagi, and it's good to know that Chibiusa is being well cared for," Rei pointed out.
"Yes," I agreed, "She is so little. I hate that she has had to go through all of this. It isn't fair."
"I know," she sighed, "but she has your determination to survive. I'm sure she will be okay."
I looked at her in confusion, "My determination?"
"Yes," she said and returned her own look of confusion. "Mamoru, you have to know..."
"Know what?" I asked uneasily.
"Mamoru," she said my name as if I were a complete moron, "Mamoru, Chibiusa is your daughter." My whole body went still, and every hair stood straight up. Rei studied my expression, "You really didn't know?" She groaned, "Mamoru, you are very intelligent when it comes to books and such, but you are so dense when it comes to your own life."
"What are you talking about?" I managed to say.
"I knew as soon as I saw her," Rei stated, "She looks just like you."
"But Seiya is..." I started.
Rei interrupted, "No, Mamoru. When I held her, it was like every single thing about her screamed that she was yours."
I gulped, "But..." I recalled the little girl's face and traced her features in my mind. At first all I saw was Usagi, but the more I thought about her and remembered the details, I realized the truth.
I thought back to my night of passion with Usagi. Caught up in the moment, we used no protection; I hadn't even thought about it. Mentally, I kicked myself because of my irresponsibility.
Then, as the realization sank in, I couldn't breathe. I left Usagi. I left her and she gave birth to the baby, our baby, all on her own. I was absent, failing her and missing out on one of the most amazing things in creation. Immediately, I covered my face in shame.
"Mamoru," Rei grabbed my shoulders, "I know what you are doing. Stop it." She pulled my hands from my face. "You are thinking about all the ways you failed her, but remember, you didn't know about Chibiusa."
"I should have!" I argued.
She sighed, "Well, you didn't." She sat back and gave me a looked of pity, "Mamoru, you are like my brother now, so I am taking the freedom to say what I think, even if it's harsh." I waited. Bluntly, she said aloud all the things I couldn't, "From what I know of your past, this is what I can gather. Obviously, you slept together, but I don't think you were seeking to harm her. You loved her and got swept up in the moment."
She shook her head, "But, then you screwed up. You broke her heart and left. Maybe she tried to contact you, but you were long gone. Or, maybe you hurt her so much she didn't want you in her life ever again. Either way, you weren't there. You missed many moments. But..." She leaned towards me and took my face in her hands, "But you don't have to miss out now. You are back, and you are not going to run away. You are going to wait here for Usagi to heal and then you are going to step up and take responsibility for that little girl."
"What if Usagi disagrees?" I whispered.
"Well, that's when you give her time," she stated, "You have taken all of these years to change. Don't expect her to immediately welcome you back into her life. Show her you are a better person now and that you won't fail her again."
"What if Chibiusa wants nothing to do with me?" I asked.
She let go of my face and sighed, "There are going to be so many 'what ifs' going forward, but you have to take each one at a time."
"Rei," I groaned, "You can be a real pain sometimes."
She smiled, "But face it. You would be hopeless without me." She grabbed the bowl of noodles, "I'm going to help you. I promise. Now eat." She shoved the noodles towards me. Gradually, I accepted.
As I stared down at the food, I let the truth slip off my tongue, "I have a daughter."
Rei handed me some chopsticks, "Yes, you do." She grinned at me, "And, Mamoru, she is beautiful."
"Just like her mother," I whispered as I prayed a silent prayer for Usagi to wake up soon. I believed she would be okay, and once she was better, I would become whatever she wanted me to be. I was never going to hurt her again. From that moment on, I was going to earn the right to be in Chibiusa's life.
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Please Pardon Grammatical Errors and Review.