IMPORTANT NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR (PLEASE READ):
Sorry for the delay. Dealing with the loss of my mother through this first holiday season as left me tired, with no inspiration. I apologize. I'm sorry for the grammatical errors. I wish you all a Happy New Year.
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Crossroads in Life
Written by Princess Kayla
Inspired by Naoko Takeuchi's "Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon"
Chapter Nineteen
View from a Rose
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"Did you have a good time today?" I asked my daughter who was enjoying her piggyback ride up the apartment stairs.
She nodded, "Yes! I like Rei."
"She's really nice, isn't she?" I commented.
Again, she agreed, "Yes!"
"Hopefully, your mom can come with us to the shrine next time," I stated, nervous and yet excited for Usagi and Rei to officially meet, especially since Rei had gotten to spend time with Chibiusa. Rei had been busy since she took on the role of High Priestess, but she still tried to be herself, which allowed for normal, everyday moments. Chibiusa was fascinated by the way Rei ran the shrine and loved following her around. Thankfully, Rei completely welcomed the company. She truly was a good friend.
"Okay, give the door a good knock," I leaned so that Chibiusa could reach to knock on the door. After a couple of moments, it slowly opened.
"Momma," Chibiusa grinned and squirmed, forcing me to set her down. Once she was free, she hugged Usagi around the legs.
"Hi, sweetie, did you have fun?" Usagi asked sounding slightly congested. That's when I noticed the puffiness under her eyes, making me wonder if she had been crying.
"Yes. Dinner time?" Chibiusa asked as she walked through Usagi's legs into the apartment.
"Almost. Go get cleaned up," Usagi directed, and Chibiusa did as she was told. Usagi glanced up at me and gave a weak smile, "Was she good?"
I nodded, but knew my worry was evident. "Are you okay?"
She sucked in a deep breath, bit her lip and nodded.
"Are you sure?" I reflexively reached forward to touch her, but she wrapped her arms around herself and nodded again. I let my hand fall back to my side, "Okay."
"Thanks for taking her today," she said softly.
"Of course," I affirmed, "I am completely happy to."
"That's good." I watched as she forced another smile. She let out a sigh. "I will talk to you soon."
"Sounds great," I smiled gently, "Thanks." She nodded and shut the door. I stood there for several minutes, contemplating. Something had definitely upset her, and as much as I wanted to know what it was and comfort her, she had shut me out. I longed to be someone she could depend on and confide in, but I wasn't.
Not yet.
As I walked away, I felt determination growing within me. I wasn't going to give up.
. . . . . . . . . .
A couple of days later, while in the break room at work, I tried to block out the sound of the television and focus on eating my lunch. However, I lost the fight when the familiar name was said.
A news anchor reported, "It appears that the two love birds have called it quits. Seiya Kou and Usagi Tsukino have broken off their engagement. That's right, girls! Seiya Kou is back on the market!"
I twisted around to see the screen. I felt frozen as I stared at the photo of Usagi and Seiya with a rip down the middle.
"We aren't sure the reasoning behind the split, but we have reports that it was a mutual decision," the anchor continued, "But there is also news that Seiya and his brothers, the Three Lights, will be heading back on tour soon! So, keep a look out for dates and some new music! It's about time!"
In my mind, I reviewed what I had just heard. The engagement was off. Usagi wasn't going to marry Seiya. The other day, when I saw Usagi, she had been crying, and after hearing this news, her behavior made more sense.
It was strange; my emotions were battling each other. On one hand, I hurt because Usagi hurt, but on the other, I was elated because Usagi wasn't getting married.
This changed things.
. . . . . . . . . .
"So, what do you plan to do?" Rei asked me as we swept the leaves off the shrine pathways; the trees were completely bare, and there was the smell of snow in the air.
I pulled my coat tighter around myself and stared up at the grey sky. "I don't know," I groaned, "I mean, I know what I want to do."
"How long has it been since you found out?" she questioned.
"It's been over a week," I answered.
She frowned, "Has she said anything?"
"We've texted the normal things like about Chibiusa and such, but," I shook my head, "We haven't talked about the breakup; I haven't wanted to bring it up. It isn't my place to, right?"
"Yes, she needs to bring it up first," she sighed, "I'm sure she will in time. She's probably still processing everything."
"I wish you could just tell me my future," I mumbled.
She gave me a dirty look, "Mamoru..."
I rolled my eyes, "I know, I know. You don't want to use your powers like that anymore."
"It's not that," she gazed far off, "Great-grandfather told me that it was a good thing that I am more gifted at seeing the past. He said that seeing the future affects how you live today."
"That makes sense," I nodded, "But it doesn't change the fact that I still want to know."
She swapped her broom at me, "Just have patience!"
"Fine, fine," I moved out of her reach.
"Daddy!" I turned to see Chibiusa hurrying towards us. A big grin covered her face as she waved at me. I set the broom aside and squatted down to receive her.
"Chibiusa, I said not to run!" I looked past her to see Usagi with a woman and child. The woman walked with maturity as her long dark hair swung down her back. The young girl held her hand, and I noted a similar maturity that made her appear older than she probably was.
Because I was distracted, I didn't brace myself for Chibiusa's impact. Down on my back, I went with an 'oomph.' "Chibiusa, be careful!" Usagi shouted, but Chibiusa's giggles were contagious, causing me to join in.
I laughed and sat up, "I didn't know you were coming!"
"I hope it's okay," Usagi said softly.
"Of course," I grinned.
"Welcome to the Hikawa Shrine," Rei bowed, "I'm Rei Hino."
"Usagi Tsukino," she bowed in return, "It's a pleasure to meet you."
"Finally," Rei smiled.
Usagi motioned to the others, "This is Setsuna and Hotaru."
"Hotaru," I acknowledged, "You're Chibiusa's friend." The young girl nodded in reply. "It's so nice to meet you."
"And, it's very nice to put a face to all the sweet stories Chibiusa and Usagi have shared me," Setsuna smiled. Her statement caused me to glance at Usagi as I wondered what 'sweet stories' were told.
However, Usagi avoided my eyes and looked around, "It's very beautiful here."
"I brought the girls here for the lantern festival," Setsuna stated, "It was wonderful."
"I'm so glad you attended. It's one of my favorite events. You need to come back in the spring; you will be amazed. The cherry blossoms are beautiful," Rei stated.
"That sounds wonderful. I'm sure we will," Usagi agreed.
Rei set her broom aside and brushed her hands off on her robes. "It's cold out here. Why don't I go make some warm tea," she then leaned down to grin at the girls, "and some hot chocolate?" The girls smiled brightly with enthusiastic nods. Rei laughed, "Great!"
"Why don't I help you?" Usagi offered generously.
"Thank you," she motioned for her to follow and then glanced back at me, "Mamoru, why don't you get the table set up in the tea room."
"Sure," I replied as I got back up to my feet.
"I was wondering if we could place a wish on the wishing tree?" Setsuna asked as Usagi and Rei left.
"Of course, let me show you where it is," I said, but was interrupted as Chibiusa took Setsuna's hand.
She tugged, "I know where it is."
"You do?" the woman smiled down at her, "Can you take us?" Chibiusa nodded. As I began walking with them, Setsuna stopped me, "If you want to go ahead and get the tea room ready, that is completely fine. I'm sure we can find our way."
I paused, "Really?" She nodded and let Chibiusa lead her and Hotaru to the tree.
I sighed and went to the tearoom. Honestly, there wasn't much preparation needed. The table was already set up; I just had to place the cups and napkins out for everyone. Once that was done, I decided to go see if Rei and Usagi needed help.
Just as I was about to turn into the kitchen, I heard my name and stopped in my tracks.
"I'm so grateful to you and Mamoru for saving us that night," I could hear Usagi say, "We owe you our lives."
"I did what I could. Mamoru is the true hero," Rei replied.
"He has ways of being there at just the right moment," Usagi said softly, "Did he tell you that he saved me from getting hit by a car years ago?"
"No," Rei answered, "But I'm not surprised. You should have seen his desperation to find you that night. He was determined to get to you, not matter what it took."
I noticed a slight gap in one of the paper screens and gazed through it to see Usagi standing by Rei as she mixed herbs for the tea. Usagi had an odd expression of confusion and frustration.
"I see that determination still," Rei continued, "He wants to do whatever he can for Chibiusa and you."
"He really is a great father," Usagi stated after a moment, causing a smile to pull at my lips. "I always imagined what he would be like as a dad, and he is so much more." She looked down at her feet, "I assume that has a lot to do with you."
Rei glanced at Usagi in confusion, "What do you mean?"
Usagi pushed her hair behind her ear, "He was very different when we were teenagers, but now, he has changed..."
Nodding, Rei began to boil some water. "I remember what he was like when I met him. He was harsh and closed off, but I don't think I am the reason he's different."
Usagi shook her head, "You brought out something that I never could." Her voice cracked, "For some reason, no matter what I did, I only caused him pain."
My heart clenched at her words, and I had to stop myself from intruding on their conversation.
Rei turned the stove temperature down and faced Usagi. "I'm sorry, but that is completely untrue." Usagi swallowed uneasily as Rei continued. "You are the reason he has been able to overcome the pain of his past." She sighed, "Yes, I helped him open his eyes to some things, but it was his love for you that ultimately gave him the desire to be a better man."
My eyes widened at the same time Usagi's did. Rei noticed the shock on Usagi's face, and I could see the immediate regret in her expression. "I'm sorry, Usagi. Mamoru always tells me that I don't think before I speak." She looked down shamefully, "However...what I said isn't a lie."
As I stared at Usagi's stunned face, my heart raced wildly. While sometimes Rei seemed to let her words come out uncontrollably, I had come to learn that more often than not, she said things intentionally. I believed this was one of those times.
"Mamoru, never loved me," Usagi said, and I yearned to burst in and tell her that she was wrong.
Rei tilted her head in curiosity, "Are you sure about that?"
Usagi her attention on mixing the chocolate and replied, "I'm not sure about anything." Then, in a soft, pain filled voice, she whispered, "After all this time, I'm not even sure I ever loved him."
A weight crashed down upon me so much that I had to step away. I couldn't bear to listen any longer. Weak, I returned to the tearoom and sat down at the table.
'I'm not even sure I ever loved him.' The statement tormented me because I never expected it. I felt overwhelmed as it became clear that I had waited too long to confess my true feelings.
All the moments from those horrible days rushed upon me - all of the harsh words and actions that I used against her. I was a foolish man for hurting her. Of course, she never loved me - there was no reason for her too.
"Here we are," Setsuna interrupted my dark thoughts as she and the children entered the room. Chibiusa hurried to my side and sat down next to me. "This is so nice," Setsuna commented as she and her daughter joined us.
I plastered on a smile. "Please make yourself comfortable," I said.
Setsuna had an inquisitive expression. "Are you feeling well?" she asked me.
I nodded in reply as Rei entered with a tray in her hands. "Okay, this tea and hot chocolate should help warm everyone up." She placed the tray on the table and began pouring the tea. Usagi came in behind her, assisting with the hot chocolate.
Suddenly, I recalled what I considered a good memory - fixing Usagi hot chocolate after a cold walk home from class. She always loved extra sugar and whipped cream. A small, yet genuine smile formed on my lips.
"What are you grinning at?" Rei asked me.
My attention turned to Usagi, and I spoke softly, "I was just remembering when we were younger and I would fix Usagi hot chocolate."
Everyone looked at Usagi as she paused pouring the hot chocolate. Her eyes met mine for a moment and then she turned away, but I noticed a hint of pink rising on her cheeks. I wondered if she considered that a good memory.
She returned to pouring the hot chocolate for the girls and set the kettle down.
"Would you like hot chocolate or tea?" Rei asked Usagi.
Usagi sat down as she replied with a simple, "Tea." For some reason, the tiny word made me wince.
After clearing her throat, Setsuna changed the conversation, "Chibiusa's birthday is next week."
Chibiusa's face lit up as she lifted her cup to her lips.
"Be careful; it's hot." "Be careful; it's hot." I locked eyes with Usagi as we both said the same thing at the same time. Now a bit of heat rose to my face.
Sensing the awkwardness, Rei added, "Chibiusa, are you having a birthday party."
She nodded, "Yes!"
"That's exciting!" Rei commented.
"I want everyone to come," Chibiusa touched my arm and Usagi's. I knew there would be a birthday party, but we hadn't discussed it so I didn't say anything.
After a moment, Usagi said, "It's next Sunday." She glanced at me, "Of course, you should come." Happiness filled me. She then turned to Rei, "You as well." Her offer to Rei brought a bit of disappointment because it felt a bit like my invitation was a pity one.
Rei frowned, "I wish I could, but I have a lot to do next weekend. I will send you a present though." She smiled at Chibiusa, and then sent me a encouraging look, as if to say, 'Don't give up.'
"That's okay," Usagi replied, "Thank you in advance."
Only the sounds of us sipping our drinks was heard until Setsuna began to make small talk, "Rei, please tell us some of the history of this shrine."
Rei grinned, "I'd love too."
. . .
Once the tea and hot chocolate was finished, Rei said her goodbyes as I guided the group back to the entrance of the shrine. Chibiusa walked ahead, talking with Hotaru and Setsuna, as Usagi and I trailed behind.
"Mamoru," Usagi said my name softly.
"Yes?" I said just as softly, continuing to walk with her.
After a moment, she continued, "I feel like I should apologize." I was surprised, but I remained quiet as she spoke. "I haven't been myself lately," she stated with a sad voice, "I imagine you have heard about Seiya and me...about us calling off the wedding."
Slowly, I nodded, "Yes." I waited but she didn't say anything so I asked, "Are you okay?"
She sighed, "It's been a confusing time for me."
"I'm sorry." Honestly, I wasn't really sure what to say.
We stopped before reaching the steps where Setsuna and the girls waited. "Tell Rei thank you for the tea," Usagi paused. "Rei is very sweet. I can see why you care so much about her," she added.
Suddenly, I felt compelled and stated, "Usagi, I want you to know, I have no romantic feelings for Rei. She is just a dear friend, like a little sister."
Usagi took a step back, letting an uncomfortable air come between us. "Mamoru, it's really none of my business."
A bit irritated, I took a step forward, "Yes, it is. It's important that you know if I have feelings for someone..." Seeing the distress forming in her eyes, I added softly, "...because you are Chibiusa's mother." I swallowed roughly.
"Momma?" Chibiusa grabbed our attention as she came over to us.
Usagi looked down at her, "Are you ready to head home?"
Chibiusa replied, "Yes." She then hugged my legs, "Bye, daddy."
I leaned down and kissed the top of her head, "I will see you soon." She smiled and hurried back to her friend.
Before Usagi walked away, I felt the need to clarify one thing. Gently, I touched her arm. "Usagi." She stared down at my hand. "Usagi, there isn't anyone else. I don't love...anyone else."
She exhaled deeply, nodded, and left me. I stood there several minutes after they all disappeared from my sight.
. . . . . . . . . .
As I stood on the porch of Usagi's parents' house, I was reminded of when I once stood there with the little kitten in my arms. Glancing up at the window above, I pictured Usagi, with her hair buns, inviting me in.
Once I let the image leave me, I reached out and rang the doorbell. I took some even breaths until the door opened, revealing a teenaged boy. His smiling face twisted into disappointment. "Hello," I swallowed.
"Mamoru?" he asked me, obviously already knowing who I was. After I nodded, he stepped aside and invited me. I took off my shoes and followed him around the corner into the living room where several faces immediately turned towards me. All conversation ceased as I stood there in the doorway.
Finally, Chibiusa shouted, "Daddy!" I squatted and took her in a welcoming hug. The warm hug from my precious daughter comforted me, even though I was being studied by all the people in the room. "Come on," Chibiusa tugged me into the room and pointed to the pile of gifts on the coffee table. "These are for me," she stated.
"I see," I acknowledged and placed my packages down, "These are too."
"Yay!" she clapped her hands.
Suddenly, the woman I remembered to be Usagi's mother, approached me and bowed, "Hello, Mamoru, welcome to our home." She smiled reassuringly and motioned around the room, "I'm sure that you pretty much know everyone here. Setsuna and her adorable daughter Hotaru." They gave me small waves. "This is Shingo, Usagi's brother...Kenji, Usagi's father...and I am Ikuko, Usagi's mother." She frowned, "Minako and Motoki couldn't make it this time. She is performing out of town this weekend."
"I see," I bowed to everyone, "Thank you for allowing me into your home."
"Of course," she smiled, "It's your daughter's birthday." Her statement amazed me; it was said sweetly, without any animosity. She took my arm and directed me towards the dining area as Usagi carried the birthday cake to the table. "We are about to light the candles."
I sent a wave to Usagi, which she responded in kind. She sat the cake down and began to light the candles.
"Okay, pretty girl, come on," Kenji picked up Chibiusa and put her in the chair behind the cake. He tickled her, and she giggled with excitement. There was such love for her in his eyes. Seeing them together made me wonder what Sir would be like with her.
"Let's sing," Hotaru ordered gleefully, getting all of them to join in with the customary 'happy birthday' song.
I took out my phone and recorded my sweet daughter as she shyly hid her face. When the song ended, she happily blew out her candles, causing everyone to clap with joy.
"Good job," Usagi said and kissed Chibiusa's face. It took more than a second to realize that I had let my camera trail off to follow Usagi.
Feeling uneasy, I noticed that Ikuko was next to me, seeing what I was capturing. Quickly, I lowered my phone. She leaned over and whispered, "It's nice that you got to come today."
Thankful for her kind comment, I smiled, "I'm very happy to be here." She returned the smile.
"Okay, who wants some?" Usagi began slicing the cake.
. . .
"That one is from Rei," I said as Chibiusa opened the package. She pulled out a princess nightgown, which Chibiusa proceeded to stand up and twirl around with it in her grasp. I laughed at her silliness.
She picked up the last gift and I smiled, "That one is from me." Eagerly, she tore through the paper, pulled open the box and squealed. She lifted out a fluffy grey stuffed animal.
"A kitty!" Chibiusa hugged the toy close to her chest and ran towards me, "Thank you, daddy."
I hugged her, "I'm glad you like her. Think of a good name, okay?"
She nodded and hurried towards Hotaru, pulling her to all the presents she received. Just as little girls do, they entered their own world of imagination.
"They're so cute," Ikuko commented and then turned towards the kitchen where Usagi had gone. "Usagi, let me help you clean up."
Setsuna was talking to Shingo about something, leaving Usagi's father and me sitting quietly on each end of the sofa. I hadn't spoken to this man since that night at the hospital, and at that time, he had no idea who I was. Now, I could only imagine what he thought of me - the man who broke his daughter's heart.
Uncomfortable, I awkwardly started a conversation, "You have a great home. I hope to find one soon."
"You're still living at that shrine right now...with the woman who gave Chibiusa the nightgown?" His question came out more like a statement.
"Yes, she is the high priestess there. We went to school together," I explained, "She has been nice enough to let me stay there while I search for the best place."
He looked over at me with a stern expression, "Will that affect your desires for custody?" Taken aback by his statement, I couldn't find the words to answer him. He frowned, "It's evident that Chibiusa loves you; she talks about you all the time and misses you when she can't see you."
"Sir, I have not even considered custody," I said truthfully, "I swear to you, I would do anything for Chibiusa and want as much time with her as I can get, but I made a vow to follow Usagi's direction."
Sighing, he leaned forward, lowering his voice, "Mamoru, I'll be honest with you. I don't know everything that happened between you and Usagi, but I do know how broken she was when you left her. She changed after that..." He glanced over his shoulder at the Usagi and Ikuko in the kitchen. "...she isn't my carefree little girl anymore."
I looked down at my lap in shame, "Sir, I cannot deny that I treated Usagi wrongly, but I changed as well. I am not the man who hurt her. With all my power, I promise to never be that man again." I turned towards him to find him staring intently at me. I met his gaze and said firmly, "Sir, for the rest of my life, I will treasure your daughter and granddaughter. I swear to you."
After another moment of studying me, he nodded slowly, "Well then...I'm going to hold you to it."
I felt my muscles relax, and I acknowledged his act of protection, "I want you to."
He gave me a small smile, "You should come around more. I think we need time to get to know each other better."
I smiled thankfully, "I would like that."
. . .
After saying goodbye to Chibiusa and her family, Usagi walked me to the door. She handed me some cake in a to-go container. "Thank you," I accepted it.
"Thank you for coming," Usagi said, "It meant a lot to Chibiusa."
"I loved being here," I smiled and then a thought came to my mind. "Usagi," I said slowly, "Do you think Sir could meet Chibiusa?"
Her eyes widened, "He knows about her?"
"Yes," I replied, "Our relationship is much better, and, especially after seeing your father with Chibiusa, I would love for Sir to be part of her life as well."
I could tell Usagi was considering my request, but she eventually nodded, "Yes, of course. He is her family as well."
Happily, I grinned, "Thank you. I would like you to meet him as well."
"That sounds good, just let me know when," she agreed.
"Great! I will call him," I stated, "And then I will let you know."
"Okay," she smiled, "You know, I remember when you would be upset talking about him, but now you seem happy."
She was right, and a sense of peace filled me, "Yes. I can't wait for you to meet him."
. . . . . . . . . .
"I can't wait to meet her." Sir fidgeted with flowers in his hands as we stood in the foyer of his home. "I hope she likes me." I was surprised by his insecurities, but truthfully, I was anxious as well as we waited for Usagi and Chibiusa to arrive.
The doorbell rang, and once I took in a deep breath, I opened the door. Hand in hand, Usagi and Chibiusa stood before us, with evident anxiety that made me instantly worry. I pushed my emotions aside and smiled, "Welcome. Come in."
They entered and both locked eyes on Sir. I noticed Chibiusa step closer to Usagi's side. "Thank you for inviting us," Usagi said and bowed in greeting.
Sir stepped towards them, bowing in return. He then handed a white rose to Usagi, "I'm so very happy to finally meet you." Carefully, he bent down and extended another white rose to Chibiusa, "And to meet you."
Chibiusa glanced up at me in apprehension so I stepped over to Sir's side, rested a hand on his shoulder, and said with respect, "Chibiusa, this is my father. He is very kind and so happy that you have come to visit." I smiled at Sir's surprised expression and the deep gratification in his eyes; I don't think I had ever proclaimed him as 'father' before.
Gradually, Chibiusa gave a soft smile and took the rose. "Thank you," she said shyly. He grinned happily.
After the maid came and took their coats, she motioned for us to follow her down the hall.
"I hope you are hungry. There is a wonderful meal prepared," I explained. The large dining room was wonderfully decorated; Sir wanted everything to be 'perfect,' causing him to go a little overboard in my opinion. I tried to remember, however, that he wasn't familiar with being around children; he was doing his best.
"This is beautiful," Usagi commented with awe. "You really didn't have to go to all of this trouble."
"It's my pleasure," he said as he pulled a chair out for Usagi to sit. I followed his action by getting Chibiusa in her seat.
Sir and I sat down as his maid came out and began serving the meal. While the setup was very elegant, Sir listened to my advice and served a meal that Chibiusa would feel comfortable eating. Just as I hoped, she loved what she received.
As the meal progressed, conversation carried through Chibiusa sharing that she named her toy cat Diana to Usagi's career and so forth. Bit by bit, everyone was getting to know each other better. Then, Sir changed the topic to one that made me tense. He pointed out the window, "I first saw Mamoru in that tree."
"Tree?" Usagi repeated curiously.
"Yes, Mamoru had climbed it," Sir explained, "Not long after that he became my son."
'My son.' It was overwhelming to hear those words.
"Wow," Usagi said with amazement, "Just like that?"
Sir frowned, "I never knew what it was like to be a father, and yes, it's surprising that I would adopt a child, but there was something in me that said I needed to take care of him." He sighed, "However, even after I adopted him, I wasn't a good father. I wasn't there for him like a real father should be. I regret that and hope to go forth in the right direction." He glanced from me to Chibiusa, "That's why I couldn't be more proud of him for striving to be a wonderful father for this little girl."
"Thank you," I said with a grateful heart.
"He is." Usagi stated, meeting my eyes. Her comment was sincere, and I was elated.
"Sir, would you like for me to serve the dessert at this time?" the maid finished clearing our dishes.
Sir looked at Chibiusa, "What do you say? Shall we have dessert?" She nodded happily, causing him to laugh a hearty laugh that spread to Usagi and me. The maid brought us each a slice of cheesecake.
"Yummy!" Chibiusa commented as she ate.
"Yes, it is," Usagi agreed.
"I'm glad," Sir beamed; the joy on his face was priceless.
. . .
As I watched Sir show Chibiusa his piano, I was so pleased. Gradually, Chibiusa had opened herself up to him. I didn't think she understood who he was, but I believed that someday, she would call him 'grandfather.'
"He's good with her," Usagi sat down next to me on the couch, watching Chibiusa laugh as she pushed on the piano keys.
I agreed, "Yes. He has really opened up since I moved back to Japan; we both have."
"I was nervous because of the way you used to talk about him. I was expecting that he would be stern, but I was wrong," Usagi shared, "He is gentle and kind."
"You're right," I smiled.
She looked around the room, "This is an amazing house. It's crazy to think that you grew up here. Why don't you live here now?"
I shrugged, "Since I left when I was in high school, it just doesn't feel right moving back into my childhood room.
"Why did you move out during high school?" she questioned me.
"It was a right of passage, I guess," I explained, "It was a sort of test to see how I would manage on my own."
"That sounds difficult," she lowered her voice in case Sir could hear.
"It was at times, but I was used to dealing with things on my own, and he thought he was doing what was best for me," I clarified, "It did teach me more responsibility."
"That's kind of how I felt when I went to Shizukesa," she said.
"Where?" I asked.
She stared down at her lap, "When I was pregnant with Chibiusa, I went to Shizukesa College, a school for unmarried, pregnant teens. My parents were willing to let me stay with them, but I felt like I needed to learn to depend on myself."
My throat clenched and quiet passed between us for several minutes as we watched Sir teach Chibiusa how to hold her hands on the keys.
"It was good for me," she interrupted our silence, "It made me stronger."
Frowning, I bit my lip and spoke softly, "I wish I had been there."
In an almost inaudible whisper, she added, "Me too."
. . . . . . . . . .
Every moment I had with Usagi, left me more and more tormented. She had told me that all the pain was all in the past, but when I was around her, it never felt that way. Last week, when we said goodbye at Sir's house, it was so hard to let her go. So many unspoken words swirled in my head.
My emotions were tortured even more when Sir left me with, 'Mamoru, that is one amazing girl. You need to win her back.'
'Win her back,' he said, but I wondered how I could do that. I knew that I wanted her, needed her more than anything. In that very fact, I found my purpose. I would make Usagi fall in love with me again.
I began by finding my own place. Rei didn't need my help anymore after hiring two shrine maidens to assist her. So, after several searches, I found the right place. It was perfect, and I couldn't wait to show Usagi and get her approval.
So, with a newfound determination, I called her. "Usagi, I purchased my own place and want to show you."
"That's exciting," she answered, "When do you want us to come by?"
"Actually, I was wondering if I could show just you first," I requested.
"Oh." I heard the surprise in her tone. "Um, okay. When?"
A grin covered my face, "How about tomorrow around four-thirty? I'll come pick you up."
"See you then." With those words, she hung up, and I punched my hand in the air with a 'Yes!' I truly believed I found the perfect place.
The next day, I held onto that excitement as she walked towards the car. I opened the door for her and with a 'thank you,' she took her seat. Hurrying to the other side, I started the car cheerfully.
"You are very happy today," she acknowledged.
I grinned, "I can't wait for you to see it." She nodded and then turned her attention to the window as the world passed by. "Have you been busy?" I attempted a conversation.
"Yes, I've been writing some more on my book," she replied.
"You've mentioned that," I remembered, "Can I ask what it is about?"
"I guess it's about me," she said, "But that sounds conceited."
"I don't think so. You're supposed to write what you know, right? So, that means no one can tell your story better than you," I stated, "If it's anything like your Cherry Project work, it will be great."
She turned towards me, "You still read them."
"Yes, of course," I affirmed.
"Well, thank you." From the corner of my eye, I noticed her blushing slightly, which made me smile.
We pulled up to my building. "We're here." I parked the car and came around to her side. Instinctively, I extended my hand to help her stand up, and she took it. The light touch made my heart skip a beat; I felt like a teenage boy with his first crush. As soon as she stood, she let go, but the warmth remained in my hand.
"It's not too far from us," she commented, "This is a newer building, isn't it?"
"That's right," I answered and led her inside. "My condo is on the third floor." When we arrived at the door, I eagerly took my key out, "I hope you like it." I swung the door open and motioned her in.
"Wow, it's very nice." She remarked as she took off her shoes and walked through the small foyer into the living room. "It's very spacious."
I followed her and motioned to the kitchen and dining area overlooking the living room. I pointed out the few boxes on the floor and let out a small laugh, "I realized I pretty much have nothing, and since the place is unfurnished, I'm going to have to go get some things. Sir said I could have some of my old things from his house, so that will help."
"That's sweet of him." She continued to look around.
I led her down the small hall and explained that one room would be an office and there was a full bathroom. Then, I guided her into a bedroom. "This will be Chibiusa's room."
My grin faltered as Usagi stopped in her tracks. She questioned me, "Chibiusa's room?"
"Yes, I just want her to have her own space when she visits me," I said honestly.
"I see," she said softly.
Feeling an awkwardness start to seep into the room, I decided to take her to the other side of the condo where the master bedroom and bathroom were.
As we stood in the middle of the room, she nodded, "This is a very big room."
I took in a deep breath, and my excitement began to grow. "That's not the best part," I exhaled and opened the doors that led to a balcony, "Come over here."
She squinted as the setting sun hit her face. I studied her as she blinked several times and then her eyes widened. Her mouth dropped slowly as she took in the sight. From the balcony, we looked out onto a perfect view of the park - our park. I studied her as the light bounced off the frosted lake, but then my smile faded. The light shimmered on the tears in her eyes.
"Usagi..." I said gently, "Are you okay?" She nodded and bit her lip; there was desperation to keep her tears from falling. "What's wrong?"
"Why did you pick this place?" she continued staring out into the sun as she spoke.
I swallowed a lump that filled my throat, and slowly replied with, "For you." It was true. That was the main - the only - reason for this decision.
Her tears fell at that moment, and she began to rub harshly at her face. My heart sank and the name slipped out uncontrollably, "Usako..."
Abruptly, she faced me, "Don't call me that."
"Why?" I reached for her, but she forcefully pulled away and went back inside. "Please tell me what's wrong," I followed behind her.
She kept her back to me, "That name...you know what it meant to me."
"Yes, and Mamo-chan," I replied, "They meant that we cared about each other."
She let out a rough laugh, "Are you sure about that?" She paused for a second and then added softly, "Because I'm not."
Confusion took over me, "What does that mean?"
She turned towards me and her tear stained face weakened me. "I have tried to process every moment we have ever had together - analyzed every action and conversation, but I cannot seem to understand what we were back then and what we are now." She pushed her hair out of her face and whimpered, "I really thought I loved you, but I was so young and naïve. I don't think I understood my emotions. I've seen the way my parents love each other and it's effortless. For me, loving you was so complicated."
"I was the same way. I didn't understand my emotions back then," I tried to explain, "But I had no example of love in my life. Because of that, I made it complicated. I was afraid." Trying to muster up some courage, I took a step forward, "But I'm not afraid anymore."
She stepped back, "But I am. I can't trust..."
"What can I do to convince you that I am different?" I immediately regretted the frustration in my voice, but I couldn't find control, "I have done everything I can think of to make you believe that you can trust me."
She sighed with equal frustration. "I know, but I can't trust myself."
"I don't understand," I said in bewilderment.
She reached up and pulled her rose necklace out from under she collar. "You have convinced me that you are different. I do believe you, but...I can't help it..." she began to cry again, "I'm still afraid." I stepped forward again, but this time she didn't move back.
"I did my best to convince myself that I loved Seiya, but there was always something there that kept me from going all in, but with you..." she whimpered, "...but with you, I am afraid that if I let my walls down, I will fall so far in that I will lose myself."
My heart began to race.
"When I was a teenager, I lived for you. Every decision I made, you were the reason behind each one. If you weren't there, it was like I couldn't breathe," she exhaled roughly, "I lost who I was in you."
"Usako...I didn't..." Words failed me.
She continued, "Over these past few years, I discovered who I am. I am the daughter of loving parents, the mother of an amazing little girl...a writer, a friend..." A sob escaped her lip, "And...and..." She turned away from me once more.
Slowly, I approached her and said, "I was lost in my past, and couldn't find who I was supposed to be. But loving you revealed to me who I am. I am a son of a good man, a father of our amazing little girl...I am a better man now, and, Usako...I am the man who loves you." I could hear her breath catch, so I touched her shoulders gently, "Usako, this time, I won't let you lose yourself. I want to be part of your life, not all of it. I want to be your partner and support. I will lift you up and stand by your side, not pull you down. I will cherish everything about you. I will love you for all that you were, are and will be."
I leaned my face into her hair and suddenly, my eyes began to burn. A sob left my lips, as I begged, "Please let me...let me love you for the rest of my life."
Usagi's body began to shake as she cried, so I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into me. I don't know how long we stood there like that, with our emotions pouring from our eyes. However, I no longer felt pain; I felt relief. She now knew everything. She knew that I loved her and wanted her forever.
Finally, Usagi's body relaxed against me, and in a shaking voice, she whispered, "And I am the woman who loves you...for all that you were, are and will be." My heart swelled with delight, and as she turned to face me, I couldn't stop smiling, even though I was crying.
Usagi returned the smile with one of such beauty that it took my breath away. Gently, she leaned into my chest and whispered, "Mamo-chan..." That last bit of emptiness in me filled because that was who I was. I was her 'Mamo-chan'. Now and forever.
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Please Pardon Grammatical Errors and Review. Next Chapter Coming Soon.