Chapter 15: Meanwhile…
Renesmee POV
I sat in my room, worrying my ass off. Mom could have found out about Operation Edward! She nearly had, at least. She had called me only ten minutes ago. I had probably sounded pissy on the phone, but I couldn't help it if I was annoyed at Rose for messing everything up. I never meant to be rude to my mother. I loved her more than anything in the world, even my Jacob. Of course, I never intended to tell either of them that.
I had already been a little grumpy before Mom had phoned. Jacob was gone. I had lied to my momma, saying that he was out on errands, but where he really was? That was a different story.
"Ness," he had almost pleaded, "Do you understand? Don't take this the wrong way. I love you and I always have. I always will, for God's sake! I just think a little time alone will do me good."
I had been tempted to spit right on his holy head. What the hell did he mean by "time alone would do him good"? It was like a bad breakup line from a romantic comedy. Comedy was right. He could go fuck himself if he thought he was doing us both a favor by staying away from me. I mean, if he really loved me, why wouldn't he want to be around me? Jeez, it was like he was having his own man-PMS. "Get over it, bitch" was what I had wanted to say when he announced he was leaving. But no, all of a sudden my mouth had to dry up and a stupid lump had to appear in my throat, making it impossible for me to choke out a single word. Okay, maybe I did manage to get out one word after Jake shut the door and ran away, and the saliva had returned to my parched mouth, and the lump in my throat had dissolved. But by then it was too late to do any good. "Fuck."
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Jacob POV
Today had not turned out as planned. I had left my baby, my beautiful, lovely Renesmee. The smart half of my brain had told me to leave and get on with it. I did know how to listen to my smart side sometimes. But the other, instinctual half had wanted so desperately for Ness to ban my departure. Part of me had expected, desired her to scream for me and pull me back into the house, begging me not to leave her and smashing her lips onto mine. But she hadn't. She hadn't even spoken when I told her I had to leave. I didn't know how I had even gotten the words past my lips; there had been a huge lump in my throat that just didn't want me to say the fatal words. No, Nessie had simply stood there in hall, watching, unmoving, as I shut the door. I brought myself to look at her through the window before I ran, and regretted it. She had been standing there, frozen, looking absolutely lost and confused as to what had just happened.
Although I knew I most likely wouldn't be gone for more than a few days—I couldn't stay apart from my girl for that long—I was already having qualms. I had left for a reason, but that reason suddenly didn't make sense anymore. So what if she'd been crabby lately? That was part of life. I was being stupid. What if, when I tried explaining why I had to leave, Ness decided she didn't want me anymore? After all, if my reasoning now sounded silly even to myself, it would surely sound more preposterous to her.
I banged my fist on the tree stump I was sitting on. I must have looked ridiculous, but I was so helpless at this moment that I felt the need to somehow prove I wasn't always so pathetic. To whom, I wasn't sure. All of a sudden I felt the urge to cuss the world out. Why was everything so damn complicated? "Fuck!" I snarled. "Fuck everyone! Fuck me! Shit! Shit! Shit!" I kicked the stump and let out another long stream of curses. "Fuck you too!"
I heard a high-pitched giggle from out of nowhere and I spun around, searching around cautiously for the source of the noise. Then I heard her, stepping out from the trees. "I'm right here, Jake," she said quietly from behind me. I turned to see the girl I loved watching me in silent amusement. My immediate reaction was to flush cranberry red. Ness had surely heard my little scene, and it was embarrassing as hell, quite frankly.
"Erm, I assume you heard my—uh—"
"Yes," she replied smoothly, almost nonchalantly. It amazed me how cool and yet sexy that girl could be. She would be the death of me someday.
"So, um—" I swallowed hard. "Good to see you?" It came out as a question. It wasn't supposed to. "Um, I mean—"
She rolled her eyes, but I could tell she was mildly amused. "Speechless?"
I flushed red once again. The embarrassment of blood rushing to my cheeks frequently like a teenage girl's was quickly becoming a bad habit. "Well, I just—I've missed you," I had to blurt out.
She crossed her arms, an unwelcome, teasing smile creeping onto her beautiful face. "Oh?"
I couldn't help it. I had to tell her. The words flew from my mouth unintentionally. "I love you, Ness! I love you more than anything else in the world! And I know you feel the same about me, and it's wonderful!" I blushed again at this cheesy statement. I wasn't holding anything back today, it seemed.
Her eyes widened in surprise, and I saw something else in her eyes that I couldn't quite place. A cross between regret and fear, I could guess. Then she smiled brightly and I believed all was forgiven. Her voice shook a little, though, as she asked, "Are you sure about that?"
I was taken aback, but assumed she just wanted to be sure that my passions weren't false, as if they could ever be directed toward anyone else. "Well, yes! Of course I'm sure. I love you, Nessie; it's not hard to understand. I love you just as much, if not more than you love me. Can't you just accept that?" I was growing frustrated with her increasingly worried expression.
"The only problem is," she began softly, "You might just love me more than—more than I love you." She spat this last part out hurriedly, as if it might dirty her mouth.
I frowned. This wasn't what was supposed to happen to couples in love. She was supposed to protest that she, in fact, loved me more than I loved her. This wasn't normal. What exactly did she mean? That my imprint didn't affect her as much as it had me? "Ness," I whispered, "what are you talking about?"
She looked down guiltily. "I—I must admit—I—" She twisted her hands together nervously. "I—I do love someone more than you."
My eyes widened in horror. She was…cheating on me?
She must have noticed the look of dismay clearly plastered and frozen on my face, because, as if reading my mind, she assured me, "No, no! It's not what you're thinking!" I relaxed. "I meant—well—" she hedged. "I do love my mother—Bella—more than I love you. I mean, I would rather you die than she. I would rather you unhappy than she. I—I—" A heart-wrenching sob shook her chest. "I'm sorry."
I thought that this was a bit harsh. I mean, saying that she would rather I die than her mother? Perfectly reasonable, but I didn't need to hear it out loud. However, I had already known she shared a special bond with her mother. Most daughters did, yet only realized how strong the bond was once they matured. Did this mean my Nessie had matured? "Ness," I laughed incredulously, "that's completely normal! I don't mind. In fact, I'm glad that you love your mother so much. Most girls your age don't realize the strength of that bond until much later in their life." I recited this proudly. Ever since my mom had died, I had studied child-mother relationships intensely, until I could realistically imagine having a mother alive today.
She sighed in relief and then gave me a sly glance. I knew she knew we both knew she was no ordinary teenage girl. And I believed she was nearing an adult level of maturity.
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Renesmee POV
Jacob and I sat on that old tree stump quietly, contemplating our relationship (or, at least, I know I was). Then, out of the blue, Jacob asked, "So why have you been so pissy lately?" His voice echoed around the forest, bouncing off trees and interrupting the peaceful silence I had been enjoying.
I squinted at him. "You haven't figured it out yet?"
He shook his head and stared at me curiously, obviously expecting a good answer. I explained Operation Edward, details and all. His eyes grew bigger and bigger with every word. When I finished, weary and out of breath, those gorgeous brown eyes were shining—with tears! I had never seen Jake cry or blush before, and now I had caused him to do both in one day. I think he realized that I didn't care if he cried or humiliated himself, I would still love him. Something was changing in both of us.
"Jake?" I asked, rubbing his back gently with the palm of my hand. "What is it?"
He wiped the saltwater away hastily. "Oh, Ness—you're a miracle. Doing that for your mother—I was wrong to leave. You're the nicest person alive." His voice broke. "I love you." His voice was husky this time, and I saw him stare at me in newfound wonder.
I suddenly began to notice the crevices and tight muscles on his tanned chest. A bulge was clearly visible beneath his thin, faded pants. I knew he was carefully observing my assets too; I hadn't had the time and concern to strap on a bra before rushing to find him, and a bout of rain I had encountered had soaked through my silky camisole. I was wearing a pair of worn, ripped low-rider jeans that revealed my hot pink underwear and bare legs in small flaky patches. The jeans were also small on me, and they hugged my hips and thighs, accentuating my small but decent butt. I subconsciously flipped my hair over my shoulder demurely so that it covered half of my face. I knew it smelled like peach-strawberry; I had washed it this morning.
I watched him sniff it up with satisfaction and eye me hungrily. Lust for him, all of him, began to overcome my entire being, destroying any basic practicalities and common sense I had left. Jake and I reached for each other at the same time, our hands outstretched and fingers extended.
"You ready?" my Jacob asked, already knowing I wanted it just as bad as he did.
I grinned deviously and moved closer to him, positioning myself so that I was nearly on top of him, nodding slowly and blinking expectantly as I did so.
With a bright smile and zero hesitation, he leaned over me and began to slide the skinny straps of my camisole down my suddenly hot, tingling shoulders. As he lingered his soft, warm hands over my C-cups—I could have sworn they had grown a size larger in that moment—and proceeded to undo the rest of me, I laid my head in his lap. I could feel his erection straining his pants as I unbuttoned them as quickly as I could. I was too late. As I was about to slide the pants down from Jake's hips, his cock ripped through the obviously old material. We both stared open-mouthed, then Jake gave me a hearty kiss on the lips and I laughed happily, resuming my "work." After all, what else could I expect from a werewolf, who had ripped through dozens of outfits without even the intention to do so?
When we were both free of any clothing whatsoever, Jake and I stared at each other for a minute, just enjoying the view. Then our eyes met. He was nervous, as was I. But he was also tearful. I knew he had been dreaming of this day for a while now, and was thrilled that we'd made it here. I was just happy to be with him, and happier that we were about to truly be bonded. I gave my love one more admiring look, and then I pounced.
This was the day I had utilized my tongue and lips more than I ever had before. It was the day I lost my virginity. And it was the day that something inside of Jake and I changed; something snapped in our brains and made us realize ourselves. That day made us realize our overwhelming love for each other. That was the day I grew up.