"Fuuuuck's sake!" You moan loudly out into the silent room around you, your eyes shutting tightly as you grit your teeth. Your arm burns as it works rapidly plunges in and out between your legs. Your other hand is down there as well; your fingers are curled firmly around the plastic handle of your old electric toothbrush from your... single days, taking you back to the good old times where took care of yourself. Knew how to so easily take care of yourself.
Stars, it's been a long time since you've done this but f-fuck you'd forgotten that the vibrations could feel this good—holy fuck. And the handle of the hairbrush buried inside of you... shit.
It is a poor substitution for what you're used to but it't going to have to do for now.
Oh, fuck. Gotta hurry. You think to yourself as you begin to pump the brush faster, angling it more so that it drags along your front walls. He's gonna be home soon—fuck!
Almost as if he'd heard your thoughts, the metallic thudding of the door to the front sitting room reverberates around the Commander's chambers and the man in question himself comes striding in.
At first, you jolt in surprise, your cheeks burning sharply as you attempt to roll onto your side to conceal yourself. However, the sudden movement mashes the head of the toothbrush further against your sensitive clit and you loudly cry out, your back arching near painfully off of the mattress beneath you. You squeeze your thighs together at the intensity and your underwear, nearly soaked with arousal, slides further down your calves.
With the toothbrush now clamped between your outer folds, the vibrations shutter outwards through the rest of your sensitive cunt and cause more delicious arousal to course through you. Your core clenches around the rigid plastic inside of you.
However, somewhere in the haze of your arousal, you remember that you are no longer alone and crane your head backwards to look over at the silent knight.
You can only imagine how absolutely ridiculous you look: your bared skin shiny with sweat, nipples peaked beneath the fabric of your bra, cheeks flushed bright red with both shame and arousal, irises blown wide with lust as both hands are jammed down into the crevice of your thighs.
How needy you must look.
You hold his gaze, his towering form unmoving as he simply observes you for a moment. You can feel the weight of his gaze as he looks at you through the visor on his helmet.
"I-I'm sorry..." You whisper, your cheeks burning once more as you settle back against the wrinkled bedspread and continue what you were doing before. Sure, you're sorry for doing this without him but you hadn't really forgiven him enough for what happened last week. But, this... you need this. You're so desperate it's almost sad.
Beginning to pump your wrist once more, a ragged breath leaves you, the sound being absorbed into the black fabric against your cheek.
You're aware of the thudding of his heavy boots against the floor but don't turn to look at him; instead, your face twists up in pleasure as you adjust the toothbrush on your clit, your eyes slamming shut once more.
You can still feel his gaze upon you but just continue working at your core, your body shuddering in response to your ministrations.
When you hear the rustling of fabric, that's when you lift your head and look across the room. Kylo has taken a seat in the armchair in the corner of the room and you think fuck, he's gonna watch and jerk off.
Raising his hands, he undoes the locks on either side of his helmet and lifts it off, revealing his dark eyes to you. His stare is intent but only remains on you a moment longer before he's setting his helmet on the end table by his seat and instead, picks up a book; one of the ancient ones he keeps stacked by the seat.
And... he's not even going to do... anything. Pay you any heed of mind. Not even look at you.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" You suddenly feel tears begin to burn in your eyes as you hiss your words out. Gritting your teeth, you attempt to will them away because fuck if it isn't killing your impending climax—
"Cum for me, Y/N."
For a moment you freeze and listen to the silence in the room. Had you just imagined that?
"What?" You sit up slightly and look at him through cloudy eyes.
His dark eyes suddenly move away from the novel in his hands and land back on your prone form. "Did I stutter?" He growls at you, his eyes narrowing. For a moment, you're taken aback and you shake your head slowly. "I told you to cum, didn't I?" You nod. "Then, get to it, slut."
Any other time, this would have turned you on immediately, had you sopping. You normally loved being ordered around by him; loved his harsh tone and he knew that you enjoyed pleasing your Commander. Stars, you used to love it when he would call you his little whore—his good girl.
However, you find that degradation isn't really doing it for you right now and the liquid in your eyes unwillingly spills over your cheeks when you shut them once more.
"I don't have to do a fucking thing you say." You snarl quietly back at him and begin to pump your wrist once more, your other pressing the plastic harder against your clit as if in defiance.
"Excuse me?" You can't see his face but don't need to to know that he's pissed.
"I didn't fucking stutter." You mock him.
This isn't you for you. Your subconscious suddenly tells you as you feel your skin prickle with anger. This is for me.
You open your bleary eyes and without meaning to, they focus on the barely there protrusion of your stomach, the soft swell that wasn't there a few weeks before. And stars, you put this fucking baby in me, I at least deserve an orgasm—
When your climax washes over you, as delicious and euphoric as it is, it's more to spite him than anything. When your clit becomes too sensitive, you click off the toothbrush and withdraw the hairbrush from your core, the black handle shiny with arousal. Your walls pulse at the sudden feeling of emptiness and you lay back on the duvet for a moment, your chest still heaving.
When you feel as though, you can stand, you sit up on the bed, your loose hair falling onto your sweaty shoulders. You are still for a moment before you're suddenly throwing the hairbrush in a fit of violence, the hard plastic seeming to explode as it shatters against the wall.
Kylo seems entirely unfazed, still sitting in his same seat. He hasn't moved a muscle: he's just glaring at you, his brow furrowed deeply over his dark eyes.
You swipe a hand over your forehead, collecting the moisture there, "What?" You spit, your blood simmering once more as you stand from the bed and pull your panties back up your legs. "You gonna punish me for talking back?"
Suddenly feeling exceptionally subconscious in front of him, you drop your hand to the gentle swell of your stomach. However, this action only causes his eyes to follow your hand and he stares at your distended belly.
"You gonna punish the Lieutenant who's pregnant with your child? Oh, wait... I guess you don't do that shit anymore. No, instead, you get her fucking pregnant, something she has to deal with on her own while you go off to fuck-knows-where for weeks." You reach behind you and gather the thin duvet off the mattress, your toys tumbling noisily to the floor. You wrap the blanket around you tightly. You raise your eyes to hold his dark gaze once more. "You don't even tell her where you're going. You don't answer her messages. She couldn't even have the damned thing aborted because you fucking came back barely before the deadline so now she have to carry your child that she doesn't even want! And then—oh and then—you have the gall to treat her like absolute shit, like this was 'her mistake'!"
You don't even realize that the tears are once more falling from your cheeks and they are hot, angry things. You can't help but sniffle when your nose starts to run.
He sets the book down in his lap awhile ago and his eyes are distant as he stares blankly at the polished floor before his boots.
"And now... you won't even touch me..." You sniff once more as you bend down to retrieve your discarded uniform shirt and pants but don't bother getting dressed because that would take too long. You don't want to have to look at his stupid face anymore. "Won't even hardly fucking look at me." For a moment, you struggle to hold all your clothes in your hands while trying to keep the duvet closed around you because you absolutely don't want him to see you, don't want him to see any of you.
You pass through the doorframe of his bedroom and are about to continue when you pause a few steps outside and look back at him. "Oh, and also, I'm not a slut." You say defensively. "I'm not a slut because you won't even take the time to fuck me. No one wants to fuck a pregnant woman." You resume walking, the belt in your hand clinking against itself with every step you take.
"Where are you going?" His voice breaks the silence. Finally, for fuck's sake.
"Anywhere you aren't." You say, shuffling forward to the control panel on the wall. "Because you are an unforgivable dickbag who can go fuck himself." You bend down and pick up your boots near the door. "Fuck you, Kylo." You amaze yourself with how level you manage to keep your voice; how even and cold your tone is despite the rage festering in your heart.
"Y/N." He warns, rising from his seat, the book long forgotten on the arm of the chair.
"Fuck this shit." You open the front door and begin to walk out, uncaring that he was following you. Uncaring that this argument was about to become very public. "I'm going home, back to my own bed because I know it'll be fucking warmer than the one we've been sharing—"
"It's my child, too, Y/N!" He's grown desperate to keep you from leaving.
You freeze in the hallway and slowly turn on him, your jaw hanging open in mock surprise as your once rather calm resolve absolutely shatters. "Well, congratu-fucking-lations for stating the obvious, dipshit." You turn and continue walking, uncaring further about him. "Now that you've figured that out, why don't you start fucking acting like you're the goddamn father, huh?"
The slapping of your bare feet down the empty hall reverberates almost deafeningly around you. You do eventually hear him sigh and then his own rapid footfalls join your own. "Y/N, come back here."
"No."
"I said, 'come back here'. Right. Now." Except, you continue walking, entirely unfazed by the attempted use of the strange Force mind-trick. You hadn't ever been vulnerable to it; you had your stubbornness to thank.
"No!" You spit, turning once more to walk backwards so you could face him. "What are you gonna do?!" You shout at him, only stopping in place so that you can throw your arm out wide. "Use the Force on me?!" When he is silent and instead chooses to glare at you, you resume walking once more. "That's what I fucking thought." You growl, your hands clenching into fists once more. "Don't fucking talk to me ever again!"
There is a silent pause before the door down the hall closes behind you. You only make it a few more, angry clicking steps before you feel your anger dissolve. A fresh wave of hot tears resumes dripping down your cheeks, these filled with horror and despair when you realize what you've done.
Now, things are never going to get better. Kylo Ren really never will speak to you again.
You have to do this entirely alone now, without even the shadow of your knight to loom in the background behind you. You were going to loose your job and fall back into the lower ranks of the First Order... even after all the hard work you've done. You were to now have his child and even if it did one day bring some semblance of joy to your life, the Supreme Leader was going take away your baby.
And, on top of that, you've forgotten your access card back in his room, having left the thing on his dinning room table.
There is a sudden, familiar hiss of a door as it opens and, gritting your teeth, you prepare yourself to yell once more and to create the illusion that you don't want to collapse in a heap on the floor but soon realize that Kylo isn't coming down the hall after you.
Instead, you instantly straighten your back in an attempt to correct your poor posture as you lean haphazardly against the wall near the doorway where you staggered to a stop. Your also attempt to click your heels together but fail miserably in doing so, "General, sir." Your voice wavers but you nonetheless try, ignoring the dampness on your cheeks as you stand at attention before your superior.
The redheaded man looks back at you for a moment, his light eyes cool as he observes your person and no doubt your attire. Or lack thereof. "Lieutenant L/N." He greets you calmly, his own hands held behind his back, his spine rigid in perfect posture.
"Sir."
One corner of his mouth curls upwards in a very slight smirk, "You've had quite an evening, haven't you?"
It was then that your already poor facade broke. You allow your shoulders to slumped slightly once more and you lower your head, suddenly realizing how puffy your eyes felt; you wondered how bloodshot they were. "Yes, sir."
He is silent for a moment, regarding you, "Would you like to come inside?" Stepping back, he waves his hand in towards his own quarters.
"Uh..." You shift the duvet around you, your cheeks heating once more with embarrassment as you wrap it more tightly around yourself. "No, sir. I'm afraid I have to pass on the invitation at the moment—" You turn to leave, your clothes clutched tightly in your other arm when he calls after you.
"I'm afraid your uniform is not up to code, Lieutenant."
You freeze in place, knowing very well that he is typically a very cold, distant man and that disobeying one of his orders could get you into hot water. At least, hotter water than you already were in. You can't just outright refuse your commanding officer despite the fact that you had technically just did so minutes before.
Allowing your shoulders to droop, you sigh quietly, "Yes, sir."
Turning without a word, you brush by the man as you rapidly enter his quarters, not wanting any other personnel to see you in such a vulnerable state.
Once inside, you don't really take time to gawk at his quarters. They were set up similarly to his co-commander's: a combination room that functioned as a sitting room, dinning room, and had a kitchen in the back corner against the shared wall between the living space and the bedroom. No doubt there was also a hallway that branched off of his bedroom that held his refresher as well as a door at the end of the corridor that was for his office.
It's just as sparsely decorated as Kylo's is.
"Please, have a seat, Lieutenant." He gestures towards the black sofa in the sitting area and proceeds further into his quarters. You hesitate a moment and simply watch as he disappears back into the room you presume to be his bedroom, only to turn down the hallway you had guessed to be there.
Following the General's orders, you swallow thickly and shuffle across the room and plant yourself on the end cushion of the couch closest to the door. The fabric is cool to the touch so you set your clothes down on the coffee table before you and use both hands to further secure the duvet around you.
You startle slightly and look over your shoulder when you hear the click of boots, signaling the General's return to the room.
"Here," he extends a black cloth towards you and you accept it into your own hands, "for your eyes." Raising the washcloth, you begin to dab gently at your skin, the coolness bringing some relief to the puffiness there.
He sets the next uh item?—creature?—on the cushion next to you. "Don't worry. She doesn't bite."
The General then circles around the couch and enters into the kitchen via one of the walkways around the long island and overhead cabinets. He begins working on something, opening and closing cabinets to retrieve two small class cups and other unidentifiable supplies. You watch him briefly before looking at the little creature beside you.
It, or rather, she, is watching you, bright green eyes intent on your form. She does look rather harmless so you cautiously raise your free hand and extend your index finger towards her.
Sure enough, she rises onto her paws and touches her little pink nose to the tip of your finger. You can feel the little puffs of air as she breathes in your scent before a rough tongue extends outwards and licks at the tip of your finger. You want to yank your hand back from the foreign feeling but don't have the chance to before she rubs her jaw against your extended finger, her eyes closing in contentment as she rasps the stiff barbs protruding from her cheek against your skin.
Her ginger fur feels soft to the touch and is just as orange as the General's own hair, making a hint of a smile play upon your lips. Suddenly, feeling bolder, you reach up to stroke in between what you assume are her ears. She arches into your touch and it's almost like an automatic response as she rubs the rest of her lanky body against your palm until your fingers stop at the base of her long tail.
You repeat the process once more, the little animal evidently enjoying your ministrations.
You can't help it when you yank your hand back as she begins to vibrate.
"It's called 'purring'." When you look up, you find that the General has returned to the sitting area, the delicate glass handles of the two small steaming cups looped around his fingers. Offering one to you, you set down the washcloth and curl your fingers around the warmed porcelain. Bringing it closer to your chest, you bask in the gentle caress as the steam can swirls over your lips and beneath your nose. "She does so when she's pleased."
Hux blows across the top of his own cup before taking a sip and wincing; too hot still.
"What is it?" Your voice is soft when you speak.
"They're called cats." He reaches over and gently strokes her fur. She continues to 'purr'. "An exotic creature from a little backwater planet in the far reaches of the Outer Rim called Terra." His lip curls up slightly as he continues to pet her. "The only worthwhile contribution those uncivilized idiots have ever made to our galaxy."
You've never heard of the planet but smile ever so slightly once more, "What's she called?"
"Millicent." The cat's ears perk and she opens her eyes to look at her owner who once more strokes the top of her head. She shakes out her fur and the bell—you hadn't noticed it before—jingles on her collar.
"That's nice." You say softly, dipping your head slightly as you consider whether you want to take a sip of the tea in your cup.
It's silent in the room for a moment then, the dull, barely-there humming of the generators pulsing energy through the walls the only sound to be heard.
"Do you know of my predicament?" You can't hardly stop the words from tumbling from your mouth before they are doing so on their own. You have a strong nagging feeling that yes, of course he does but you want to hear him say it instead of just assuming.
He himself is quiet for a moment, "With Ren?" He sighs heavily. "Yes." He takes a second sip from his own tea before he places a coaster down on the glass coffee table. He sets his drink down atop it. "And I now know that there has been conflict, yes? As I can only assume you don't typically man the bridge in only your undergarments?"
Your cheeks burn against their own will and you drop your eyes, "No, sir."
"May I ask what happened, Lieutenant?"
You can't help it when you wince slightly and lean forward to set your cup down, one hand holding the duvet closed around your shoulders. Before the cup even touches the glass top, Hux slides a coaster beneath it.
You wrap yourself tighter in your blanket and are about to begin when suddenly, the cat is crawling onto your lap. She settles there then, her legs folding beneath her as she closes her eyes in contentment, enjoying the soft black fabric wrapped around you.
When you look back up at your superior, his eyes have softened as he looks at the small creature and when he lifts his gaze back to your face, that ever so slight softening remains.
Hux brought the cat to comfort you, you realize.
Sighing, you lightly rest your palm on the back of his her neck, "I... I don't even know what happened, sir." You scrub your free hand over your face. "One day, everything was fine and then the next, he was gone. He-He knew... and he left. And honestly, I didn't think he was coming back. I was so scared." You admit, gently stroking the cat who begins to purr softly. "But now, he's back... and it's almost somehow worse than him being gone."
He hums, "How so?"
You hesitate a brief moment, "He just... He won't touch me, let alone look at me. It's like... It's like he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. That I'm now an added nuisance in his life."
The General huffs softly, catching you off-guard, "Ren does not have a life." You look up at him in confusion your brow furrows softly. "When he began his... relationship with you, that undoubtedly became the singularly, most interesting part of his life. Besides the Force nonsense." He waves his hand dismissively. "Nonetheless, I will inform the Supreme Leader of the situation, as well as... speak to Ren on the matter." Speak meaning yell but you didn't know that at the time. "Until then, you may stay here if you so wish until this matter is resolved. He will not think to look for you here."
You hold his gaze for a moment, your brow still softly furrowed, "Why are you being so kind to me?"
He doesn't answer and instead reaches across the coffee table so that he may place your still warm cup in your hands. "Finish your tea."
You do as he says, lifting the rim to your lips so you can sip the no longer scalding liquid. Sitting in silence for a few beats, you raise your eyes to find that his face is entirely blank, his eyes distant as he stares at his own cup on the table.
"My kindness is not something that I easily grant to just anyone. However, toxicity is something that no one should ever have to deal with in a relationship, especially you, given your condition."
I'm pregnant, General. Not dying.
"Needless to say, you are no doubt concerned about your position in the First Order." He finally turns his head back to look at you, however, you don't look at him, too afraid of what he'll say. "I would like to put your mind at ease by informing you that your place is secured no matter your condition." You snap your head back up so you can look at him, your eyes wide with surprise.
"General Hux—!" He holds up his hand to silence you.
"You are a gifted woman, L/N. Strong, independent, undeniably brilliant. People typically tend to overlook you... However, neither myself nor Ren do." He continues to hold your gaze. "I could see you one day rising high in the ranks of the Order. Passed all others. Perhaps even to... say... Lieutenant General?"
Your heart stops in your chest.
Lieutenant... General?! That was only one position below Hux.
"One day, you will be a major asset to our organization."
You want to believe him. You really do but can't help it when your eyes narrow with slight suspicion. He notices this.
"Was my answer not sufficient enough for you?" You don't speak but evidently, the redhead takes your silence as answer enough. You think you're seeing things when the General roll his eyes before a heavy sigh escapes him. "Do you have feelings for Ren?"
You can't help the flushing of your cheeks and the silence around you to is nearly deafening, "Yes." You admit softly.
When a surprisingly warm hand closes over your own, you can't help but startle slightly. You raise your eyes, not even realizing that you had dropped your gaze. You find that the General is looking at you, "That answer alone is enough." His thumb brushes comfortingly along the back of your hand, a surprisingly gentle gesture coming from such a typically cold man. "That and the fact that I have a soft spot in my heart for bastard children and their mothers."
Without another word, he releases your hand and stands, collecting your tea before he disappears into the kitchen.
You don't know what he means by that by nonetheless, you pull the duvet tighter around you, your nose burying into the soft fabric. It smells like the both of you. Allowing your eyes to slip shut, you absentmindedly stroke the orange tabby in your lap once more, your fingers gently fisting into her silky hair.
You start to cry once more when she doesn't seem to mind.
Thanks for the reviews! If you guys want more, drop a comment or if you want you can come bother me on my tumblr blueeyedwolf33!
Love,
Blue