If I'm in love with you,
should I give up,
or should I just keep chasing pavements?

I like Kathy.

If I'm being honest and rational about this whole thing, I do like her. As far as I'm concerned, there is absolutely nothing wrong with her, and she does seem like a genuinely good person.

Sure, falling in love with your boyfriend's best friend isn't ideal, but I can personally attest that there is no way to control the way you feel, or who you like.

Boy, do I know.

Except I can't seem to bring myself to be rational. I can't force myself to feel differently, no matter what. And the most ironic part is, this whole… crush thing, started because of Kathy. If I'd never seen Chandler be that thoughtful and sweet, I probably wouldn't feel this way about him right now.

You see what I'm saying? If Kathy hadn't come along, I would never have developed feelings for Chandler.

So really, this is all her fault , and I hate her.

"Hi girls. Got any ice?" Joey asks, entering the room and interrupting my train of thoughts. Thankfully, may I add. I was starting to be afraid that Rachel could sense my thoughts and that she'd think I'm crazy. Not that I'd blame her.

"Sure. Suit yourself" I tell him, needlessly. His head is already in the freezer "What's it for?"

"Just filling up an ice bucket for our beers." He says, and I'm assuming him and Chandler must be watching TV.

"You and Chandler having another Baywatch marathon?" I ask, but he shakes his head at me.

"Nah, Kathy is also in there. I'm still trying to get them to bond a little" He dismisses me. Poor, innocent Joe.

"Any luck?" Rachel asks, and I can tell just by looking at her, that she is also wondering if Joey is actually as clueless as he seems. You wouldn't expect it from someone who's usually pretty good at reading signs. You'd think his luck with women would make him more aware.

"Not much, really. He still looks very uncomfortable around her" He shrugs, putting the ice trays on the table.

"You know what, Joe? Maybe you should just let it go." Rachel suggests "I know we all want our friends to like the people we date, but it doesn't sound like forcing him is helping at all."

I appreciate her effort, and it's not like I'm opposed to stop forcing Chandler and Kathy in the same room, but I really doubt Joey's convinced.

"I know, and I'm not expecting them to become, like, best friends!" He says, looking exasperated " I just want them to get to know each other! Kathy even likes a lot of the same geeky stuff Chandler does! If he actually tried, I think they'd get along pretty well!"

"You think he's not trying?" I ask, curious.

"Well, unless you wanna call leaving the apartment every single time she comes over 'trying'" He answers, rolling his eyes "Thanks for the ice, but I have to get back before Chandler claws his own eyes out."'

When the door closes behind him, Rachel suddenly talks again "Is that dude for real?"

I try my best to look detached, but honestly? I've never been a good liar, and Rachel knows me far too well for me to be comfortable with where the conversation is going. I'll just settle for speaking as little as I can. "What?"

"Oh come on! He thinks Chandler doesn't want to be around Kathy because he hates her! How can he not notice what's going on?"

"To be fair, if you left the apartment every time you saw someone I date, that would probably be my first assumption too" I tell her. I can't help but feel for Joey, really. Chandler's situation sucks, but his isn't exactly the best either.

Rachel gives me a look "Sure, but this is Chandler! He is the most obvious guy in the world! The few times we all met Kathy he might have as well had a cartoon heart thumping out his chest!"

Ouch. Thanks Rach.

"I guess that's also true" I concede, suddenly standing to grab a rag, desperately trying to look calm. "He sure seems to like her a lot"

"That's quite an understatement"

It just never ends with this one, does it? I grip the cloth harder and start scrubbing the table, the regular motion giving me a familiar sense of comfort. It is obvious that Chandler likes Kathy, obvious enough that everyone else has noticed, at least. It bothers me, but again, that's probably a side effect of my crush.

Hell, even admitting I have a crush feels wrong.

What sucks in all this, is that I don't even know if Kathy likes him back... Maybe she doesn't, and Chandler is going to end up sad and heartbroken once again.

Or maybe she does and 'Kathy and Chandler' will become a thing, and I am going to be the one to end up sad and heartbroken.

I can't even tell which option is more frightening.

"I am the worst human being in the whole wide world" I hear a voice announce, and I don't have to turn around from the couch to know who's talking. Only one person in the whole Village would start a conversation like this.

"And good afternoon to you as well!"

"Mon, no, I'm serious. I'm the worst."

"I'll trust you on that one?" I tell him, standing up to go in the kitchen.

"Aren't you gonna ask me why?"

"Right. Hey Chandler, why are you so overdramatic all the damn time?" I joke, but it doesn't look like he's in the mood for it. That's saying something.

"Mon, I don't feel like joking." The look in his eyes almost breaks my heart. Whatever happened must be pretty bad.

"Honey, what's wrong?" I ask him, extending my arms as an invitation to take my hands. When he does, I guide him to the dinner table, trying to get him to sit down. "Is this about Kathy?"

"Isn't everything?" He asks, sitting in the chair next to mine. Off my prying look, he finally sighs "We kissed."

I can feel my eyes widen, and I let go of his hands without meaning to "You what?"

"We kissed" He repeats, looking down in shame , and I hold back any snarky comments about how I heard him the first time. I'm pretty sure he doesn't need it " She was cutting my hair, and the feeling of her hands, and her breath on my neck... it broke me, Mon, i could only keep it bottled inside for so long"

I don't really know what to say to that, because really, what coud I possibly say? 'Congratulations on kissing your best friend's girlfriend?' So I settle for focusing on his face, and how lost he looks, while I process the information. Hearing it was… uncomfortable, but I'm realizing the wrenching sensation in my stomach is actually from seeing how unhappy he is. Right now, I care about his happiness more than my own. And if I weren't so sad about this, I'd probably smile at how cheesy I am.

"Are you judging me?" He asks, breaking the silence, his eyes seemingly concentrating on the floor.

"Of course I'm not judging you." I say sincerely, taking his hands in mine again. "Want to talk about it?"

"There's not much to say really. I kissed my best friend's girlfriend, and when he finds out he's going to hate me."

"I'm sure you'll figure this out. Joey's gonna be mad, but in the end, he'll forgive you. He's not the grudge holding type"

"Believe it or not, the thought of Joey forgiving me is making me feel even worse right now" he admits "I kinda want him to hate me"

I try making eye contact, but he avoids it. He's genuinely ashamed of himself, and I can feel my heart break further "I know you do. But that's just because you think that if he's a jerk to you, you won't feel so bad about..." I stop, conscious about what I was going to say. He really doesn't deserve more guilt.

His weak smile doesn't quite reach his eyes, but it's a start "You know Mon, you can say it. I won't feel so bad for being a jerk first"

I can't help but pull him in a hug "I know this is hard for you. But everything is gonna work out just fine."

"I appreciate the sentiment, but you don't know that" He tells me, his head in the crook of my neck while he pulls me closer, and my heart skips a beat at the sign of affection.

"Sure it will! I know you don't want to hear this right now, but Joey loves you so much! And it's not like you just did it to piss him off" I clear my voice "You really do like Kathy, right?" I ask, shying away from the embrace to look in his eyes.

"Of course I do"

The certainty in his voice is enough to overwhelm me. I know he wouldn't use that word, not yet anyway, but I know the look on his face, and the realization that dawns on me is suddenly too much to take, and much more painful than I expected.

Chandler is in love.

He doesn't just like her. He loves her.

I don't know how. It hasn't even been that long since he's met her, but it all adds up, and I realize the only reason I didn't see it before is that I didn't want to. The thought makes my head spin, and my heart feels so heavy, it's like it turned into lead. I suddenly feel lightheaded, and everything around me looks unfocused.

And that's when another, even more terrifying realization hits me.

I don't just think you could do worse than Chandler Bing. It's not that I find old books bought in the middle of nowhere endearing, or that I just think his crush is 'sweet'. I am in love with him.

Except... I am sure to not be recpirocated. In my case, I know the feeling isn't mutual.

Dizziness takes a hold of me, as all I can think about is that I need to clear my thoughts. And to do that, I have to get away from him. Right now.

"You know what? I need to get some shopping done for tomorrow's catering job" I say, all but sprinting to my room to grab my purse.

"Mon? You did that yesterday. With Pheebs." I hear him remind me through my bedroom door. Damn the guys for always knowing what we're up to.

"Right" I reply, going back, my purse still hooked on my arm "I'd almost completely forgotten about that" I mutter, trying to come up with something else on the spot " You know what? I haven't been out all day. Might as well just take a walk."

"That's actually not a bad idea at all" He pauses, smiling "Mind if I come with?"

Really? We're playing this game? "Do you really wanna come? I'm not gonna do anything fun, you know. Just walk around." Reflect on the epiphany i just had. Wonder what I did to deserve falling in love with someone who loves someone else.

"Well as fun as the idea of spending time sulking by myself is, I'd rather come with you. Is that okay? We can do anything you want! And I won't make stupid jokes!"

I have to smile at that. No matter what, at the end of the day, he's still my best friend, and he wants to spend some time with him. I can't say no to that. "Of course it's okay"

"You really didn't have to..."

"Shut up"

"No but rea-"

"Mon, it's fine. It's just a pillow." He says, dropping the bag on the couch.

"It's an expensive pillow!" I retort.

"It's still just a pillow. I've been eating from your fridge every day for years. We're not even close to being even"

"That pillow probably costs more than I spend for grocery in a week!" I whine. I appreciate the gesture, but I can't help but feel guilty about him spending an inappropriate amont of money on a pillow. I really can't.

"With what Joey eats, I should have bought you a new bed! Besides, it's Pottery Barn! Ross would be offended if we didn't buy anything" He smirks, and I let out a laugh.

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it! How many times do you find a pillow that goes perfectly with everything in your room, huh?" he mocks me playfully, quoting the little speech I gave him when we first walked across the store. I didn't expect him to react by buying it, though.

"Not very often." I admit. "I'm really glad you wanted to come with me. And not for the pillow."

"I'm really glad I came with you too. And really, just take that as a thank you."

"What are you even thanking me for?"

"For just about everything?" he laughs "Mon, you're the best friend in the world. I'm always here, complaining about my love life, asking to sleep on your couch, venting about my problems... and you're putting up with all of it. I know I'm being very annoying lately, and I can't believe you haven't kicked me out of here yet. Hell, I bet you can't even remember a time when I came over and it wasn't to talk about Kathy."

I roll my eyes at him, but I know my smile is growing bigger "You're not that annoying" I say, wishing he hadn't mentioned her name. I'll make my peace with it, and maybe coming to terms with it is what I need to move past it, but I can't say I care for the constant reminder.

He pulls me into a hug, and my muscles start clenching. That's a first "Yeah, I am. All I do is complain lately. And all you got was a lousy pillow. Are you sure you didn't also like the sheets, or the duvet, or whatever?"

"You're joking again!" I note, finally relaxing into the hug.

"You only think I am." I slap his chest playfully "Fine! But see, that means spending the day with you did me a lot of good. Which just proves my point, really."

"Do you even have a point?"

"Of course I do! 'Monica deserves expensive presents from Pottery Barn!'' I snort at that "and of course, Monica is the best friend I could ever have hoped for?" he offers.

I'll take it.

"That's very sweet."

The very thought of it is very comforting, I realize, as he rests his chin on my head. He might be in love with Kathy, and i might have to work on the feeling eating at her gut. But no matter who either of us loves, I am absolutely positive that this kind of bond is unbreakable.

Friendship might just be as powerful as romantic love, after all.

XXXX

Hi! So, this took a while, huh? I really want to thank you all for the reviews, because as always, they are my biggest motivation! I also hope this set the tone for the rest of the story clearly enough.

Also! I've noticed a guest telling me they do remember the original story, and I will only say that this time around there is no baby… at all ;) I've really changed the story a lot, so only the basic concept and… the reason for the old, original title stay the same, all the rest is different!

Chapter 3 is pretty much planned, but as always, I would really like to hear your thoughts, both on what you think of this chapter, AND what you think might happen next! ;D