2 months later (almost 3 months into senior year)
"Veronica.............Veronica" Bernie yelled
"What" she snapped, looking up from the computer where she was working on her latest shots
They had both been irritable lately
"I want to stage an exhibition together"
"What??" Veronica said in shock "I'm just your intern, I'm a nobody, you're famous"
"Well I didn't get famous by refusing to let anyone see my pictures, and you're hardly my intern anymore"
"How would you describe me?"
"Gifted employee, protégé, rumoured lover"
"Ha" Veronica snorted "Nobody believes that, especially when Joel follows you around like a puppy dog"
"Apparently the word is that I'm trading in on the flamboyant gay photographer stereotype"
"Hmmmm, well it would explain why you have kept a poor college student around for so long"
"Stop being modest, you know I detest it!"
"Fine fine, when do you want it done by, what pictures do you want to show"
"I want a retrospective, with the side room for your works – I think I might get a few others to contribute something – kind of my influence on the photography world" He smiled at the thought "Oh and I want it to begin in two weeks"
--
Veronica got home late that night, and found Logan waiting up working on his laptop "Hey there is dinner in the fridge if you are hungry" he told her after she kissed him in greeting.
"Bernie wants to put on an exhibition in two weeks, and wants me to show my pictures too"
"That's great V" He exclaimed while shutting his laptop and getting up to hug her "I guess you will be swamped organising it though"
"Yeah, don't know what the rush is, and I wish I should shake this stomach thing I've got. I'm still feeling off, and I've been really tired too"
"You're working too hard"
"I know, but after this year, college will be over...... I'm not sure if that means we will be working more or less though"
"Well we could just live off Daddy's money forever"
"Hmm great example for our kids, I can just imagine how bored we would get too"
"Between the sex and surfing, I'm sure I could keep us busy"
"You forget that I hate to surf"
"I guess we can just have sex all day then"
She lay down on the couch with a groan
"Ok, just let me get some sleep first"
Logan gently stroked her hair and she was asleep almost instantly. After watching her for a while, he picked her up and carried her up the stairs to put her to bed.
---
A few weeks later Veronica was a nervous wreck. She was sure the exhibition was going to be a shambles, but somehow it seemed to come together. Bernie was actually decisive when picking the pictures he wanted in the show, and decided to arrange them chronologically rather than the complicated thematic arrangement he usually preferred. Veronica watched him suspiciously over those weeks, she was worried there was something wrong, he seemed in great spirits, yet she had a nagging suspicion that he was hiding something. The catering for the opening night had been organised by Joel, but she was in charge of publicity. She had thought there was no way she could have pulled it off, but she called some of Bernie's collector friends, and a few contacts she had at some papers and it seemed that word had spread from there. At least she didn't have to find a space available at short notice as Bernie decided he'd just clear his small gallery and use that. The artist he had been showing in the exhibition space seemed quite miffed, but he just chuckled and said that he would get over it soon enough.
Logan helped her into her simple black strapless dress in Bernie's guest room, before they walked over to his gallery for the opening. He hugged her tight when he saw she was shaking. "I'm ok Logan, I'm just nervous I guess. I can't believe I am exhibiting with Bernard Letty"
"You're amazing Ronnie, and Bernie knows it too, he wouldn't do this for just anyone"
"I'm worried about him"
"Why?"
"He just seems different, he was irritable a few weeks ago, then as soon as we started working on the exhibition, he just seemed carefree, He always makes a fuss about everything, but this time he just agreed with everything I suggested. I wonder about the retrospective and the chronological order – it's like he's saying goodbye"
"Maybe He's thinking of retiring?"
"Maybe" Veronica said dubiously "We should get going"
The night went better than Veronica had ever imagined. Bernie was at his most ostentatious, joking, kissing everyone, and posing for the cameras. Veronica's work was well received too. She had a number of influential collectors asking for a private viewing of her work at a later date, and a few discreet offers for the works on show. Logan kept out of the limelight but beamed at all the attention Veronica was getting. A few reports had asked him if he was the Logan Echolls, and he always replied that he wasn't, he didn't want to ruin Ronnie's moment.
Much later after the party had started to die down, they decided to leave, they had plans with Keith and Jen the next day, so they had to drive back to Neptune rather than staying in the city. Veronica and Logan did the rounds, saying their thankyou's and goodbyes, Veronica noticing Bernie had tears in his eyes when he hugged her. Maybe he's just had a bit much to drink she tried to convince herself, she figured he would tell her what was wrong when he was ready. She saw him and Joel leave just after them and she frowned thinking it wasn't like him; maybe she would start digging into it tomorrow night after all.
---
Early the next morning Logan woke up to find Ronnie missing. He then heard the retching sounds from their bathroom. Concerned he walked in and sat down on the floor beside her and rubbed slow circles on her back while she emptied her stomach.
"This is crazy, you should be over this by now, I'm going to make you an appointment to see the doctor on Monday"
"I have to work..." She started weakly
"You have one class, that you can skip and Bernie will understand, no arguing Veronica"
"Fine" she surrendered then leaned against him to feel his warmth "I think I'm ready to go back to bed now".
A few hours later Logan carefully climbed out of bed, trying not to wake Veronica up. After a look at her pale face, he went downstairs to call Keith and cancel.
After hanging up the phone, he walked down to the letterbox on the road to retrieve the paper. "Damn it! " He shouted after seeing the headline. He wondered how he was going to tell Ronnie.
Veronica just stared at the paper in shock. "They're treating it like its entertainment – Flamboyant Photographer and Lover Commit Suicide after Triumphant Opening Night – Who comes up with a headline like that anyway!"
Logan wrapped his arms around her and held her as she shook and sobbed. Eventually she stopped crying and stood up to wash her face and get changed, but after a few step toward the stairs she sagged limply toward the ground.
Logan heard the thump and rushed towards her "Veronica"
She looked at him groggily from where she lay on the floor, and protested as he scooped her up
"I'm taking you to the hospital, no arguments"
----
The triage nurse at the emergency room was a big fan of Logan's book, and she arranged for them to immediately see a doctor. He explained what had happened as Veronica had fallen asleep "Well she's had a stomach bug for a few weeks, and it hasn't gotten better, and she's been really stressed between work and college, but last night two close friends committed suicide, we found out in the paper this morning, and she fainted, so I brought her in"
The doctor asked about her illness, what she had been eating, and what hours she had been working, then drew some blood to test.
An hour later he came back to see Logan and Veronica lying asleep on the tiny bed together. "Ahem" Logan opened his eyes and crawled off the bed "Well it seems she's just been overdoing it, and combined with the shock of finding out about your friends it was too much. She should be fine with some rest, though it would be a good idea for her to start taking some pre-natal vitamins, if she's not already – who's your obstetrician?"
Logan stared at him in shock "She's pregnant? She can't be, she's on the pill"
"Oh, I didn't realise you didn't know. She's about 10 weeks along, she'll need to stop taking her birth control pills immediately, and you should make an appointment to see an obstetrician as soon as possible"
"But how could this happen?"
"Well no birth control is 100% effective, other medications and illness can make it less effective. Unfortunately since you have found out quite late, if you wish to terminate the pregnancy, you will need to do so within the next two weeks. I understand that this is a stressful time with the circumstances, so I'll organise our hospital counsellors to come down and see you"
"No we want kids, we just weren't expecting one so soon.....but maybe a counsellor will help. Thank you"
"No problem, I think we will keep Veronica in overnight to be on the safe side and to give you two a chance to talk to the counsellor"
Logan wrestled with the strange mix of sadness and joy he had within him, sadness at the loss of his friends, but joy over the new life that Veronica was carrying inside her. He wondered that he hadn't recognised the signs before. I mean throwing up all the time, emotional and tired – it couldn't have been more obvious really.
Veronica started to stir, and she reached out for him as she opened her eyes "was it a dream Logan?" She asked sadly, already knowing the answer. "No, honey I'm sorry. But there's something else we need to talk about"
"Just say it, you're scaring me"
"You're pregnant"
She sat in stunned silence for a few minutes
"But...... I'm on the pill...."
"The doctor said it happens, something about other medications or illnesses, he said you're 10 weeks so I guess the wedding. You were sick just before then remember?"
"Ok, is it alright?"
"Yeah, we have to see an obstetrician as soon as possible, but you and the baby are healthy, just a little bit overworked. You have to take it easy from now on"
Veronica nodded taking it all in
"There's something else. He said that if we decided to term..."
"No" Veronica shouted, laying her hand protectively over her stomach "I can't believe you would want that"
"Shhhh Veronica" Logan said soothingly stroking her face "No I don't, I love you and our child, you know how much I want a family. I just wondered if maybe you thought it wasn't the right time, we're still in college, and with Bernie and Joel" He stopped to compose himself
"I'm sorry sweetie, but I couldn't kill this child, especially because of Bernie and Joel." Veronica's eyes shone with tears
There was a knock at the door and a young woman poked her head in "Veronica and Logan?"
"Yes" Veronica replied quizzically.
"I'm Lauren one of the counsellors, I was asked to come and talk with you. Can I come in?"
Veronica looked at Logan "I think it would be a good idea V – there's a lot to process all at once"
"Ok, Lauren did you say?"
"First of all you need to know that anything you say to me is confidential. I understand you have just found out that you are 10 weeks pregnant Veronica, how are you feeling?"
"Confused, Happy, Sad, Scared"
"The baby wasn't planned?"
"No" Logan answered "We had planned on having kids in the future though"
"Ok, you also just lost someone?"
"Yes Bernie and Joel, Bernie was my boss, friend, mentor I guess, Joel was his partner, also a good friend"
"I just wish we didn't find out from the morning newspaper" Logan said bitterly
"Logan Echolls Right? You have had bad experiences with the media before?"
"You could say that, after all my father was a movie star, who fucked my girlfriend, and killed her, then attempted to kill my next girlfriend – so yeah, pretty much everything bad in my life has been splashed across the news for everyone to see"
Lauren took a breath "It's ok to be angry about that Logan"
He choked back a reply then visibly forced himself to relax "It's Ok, I don't mean to take it out on you. ...... I just thought that period of our lives was over. We were doing well in college, we're engaged, we had plans for the future, I've had my book published, and I'm getting a psychology degree, Ronnie had a great job working with one of her idols, her dad just got remarried to a great woman. I just finally felt like I was really happy. I had a family for the first time, real friends, great job, the love of my life, and it always seems that something has to happen then everything falls apart." He looked away from them both "I'm not sure I could survive losing it all"
"Logan" Veronica got out of bed to hug him "You are not going to lose me. Or our baby. We will find out what happened with Bernie and Joel, and we will mourn them and move on. They would be so happy for us now – remember Bernie always asking why we hadn't had kids yet, telling us that we were too beautiful not to procreate" Logan smiled at that.
Lauren remembered the media coverage of Lilly Kane's death, and the trial of Aaron Echolls, She realised that it was why Veronica had seemed familiar too. She wondered how anyone could have survived as much as the couple in front of her had. She stood up to give them some time alone "I'll stop in after lunch again. I'd like to talk to you individually"
Logan and Veronica didn't even notice her leaving.
----
When Lauren knocked on the door that afternoon, she found them curled up on the bed together, and she asked to talk to Veronica alone. Logan left saying that he was going to call Keith, and ask him to come down to the hospital so they could talk.
"Veronica how are you feeling now"
"Ok, tired I guess"
"Have you thought about if you are going to keep the baby?"
"Yes, Logan and I have already talked about it, we weren't planning on having a child so young, but we wouldn't give it up for the world"
"How do you feel about becoming a mother?"
"Happy, Scared"
"What are you scared about?"
"Turning out like my mother, or even worse than my mother. She was an alcoholic that cheated on my father and abandoned him and me after he lost his job. I worry that I will end up just like her no matter what I do"
"Fears about being a parent is very common, especially for someone who has been through the trauma you have"
"You and Logan seem very much in love"
"Yes, it's been really good the last few years. The last time we got back together, we sat and talked about all our issues for days. We talked about the past, the future, everything. I can't imagine not having him in my life. He's been there as my friend, enemy or lover ever since I was 12"
"What about Bernie and Joel?"
"I started an internship with Bernie about a year ago. We ended up getting along really well, so I have continued working with him. He's been my friend and mentor. I knew Joel really well too – from the gallery, also Logan and I socialised with them a lot. I just don't understand why they would do this. They seemed happy"
"Suicidal people are often very good at hiding what's really going on. Perhaps contacting the family to see if there was a note might help you find closure?"
"Bernie didn't have family, his sister disowned him when he came out but even she died several years ago. Joel has a sister who I have met; I don't know what happens now?"
"You need to take today to rest Veronica. Tomorrow you can contact Joel's sister and go from there."
"Ok" Veronica said taking a deep breath.
There was a knock at the door and Keith poked his head in
"Who's your Daddy?"
Veronica groaned.
Lauren laughed and excused herself to talk to Logan.
"Logan"
"Lauren"
"You don't like me do you?"
"No, I just don't trust counsellors that much, I had a few growing up who just sold the info I gave them to the press"
"I assure you everything is confidential, but you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to"
"Ok"
"How do you feel about the baby?"
Logan's face lit up "I can't believe it, I've always wanted kids"
"Are you worried about anything?"
"Did Veronica say she was worried about me with a child?" he asked with a frown
"No, it's normal for new parents to have worries, I was wondering if you wanted to talk about yours?"
Logan looked at her warily "I just don't want to turn out like my Dad"
"Why?"
"I didn't have a good relationship with him; I don't like to talk about it"
"Do you talk about it with Veronica?"
"Yes, Why?"
"Logan it's ok if you don't want to talk to me, I just want to establish that you do have someone to talk to, to support you. Is Veronica that person for you?"
"Veronicas my whole world. There is no-one who will ever understand me like she does"
"How do you feel about your friends committing suicide?"
"I feel angry, abandoned. I feel like I can't lose any more people from my life. I wonder how I failed to see they were unhappy, that I failed them"
"It's not your fault Logan"
"I know, but you still can't just turn those feelings off. I don't really want to talk about it at the moment"
"How about we go back in and talk with Veronica"
--
"Well what's the prognosis Doc" Veronica asked jokingly
"I think you are a remarkable couple, I'm glad you have each other to help you through this difficult time. Here is my card if either of you would like to talk more, I wish you and your baby the very best"
"Thanks Lauren" Logan said as he escorted her out
----
Keith came back with chocolate for Veronica "All done with the shrink?"
"Yep" Veronica answered.
Keith waited then impatiently asked "Well what's going on, all you have told me is that you are all right"
"I'm pregnant Dad"
----