CHAPTER TEN
A/N OK well aside from sickness and working I am back. It has been a hard slog and all that jazz. I did have my mind set on a song for this chapter and had listened to it a lot when writing, but whilst I was ill I found two songs that kind of found how I wanted the emotion to be played. The first song is All We Know, I just listened to it and I thought that it just fit perfectly. The second song is We Are Broken but that also plays into chapter 11, chapter 12 now this song is just everything that I want to portray in just a song.
Just a trigger warning for high emotion.
Thanks again for the reviews and spookycj for being you (thanks matey), CK Benzo, and everyone else who is still with the story thank you so much.
Disclaimer: I do not own Orphan Black or the characters but I do own this story idea so if anyone else nicks this idea beware hahahahahahaha.
The night had passed in a frenzy of alcohol and sex. The two women fell asleep exhausted in each other's arms just as the sun was starting to rise. So you could say about 4.30am with it being June. Both Cosima and Delphine keeping themselves awake as long as they could so they night wouldn't end. They both knew that when they woke up they would come crashing back to the reality of having to deal with real life again. Albeit for very different reasons.
Delphine was woken by her phone ringing. She was brought back to earth with a bang. Her eyes stinging from the lack of sleep, her co-ordination off from the alcohol still in her system. She fumbled around the bedside table trying to find her phone. Pushing it around before she finally managed to get a good hold on it. Unable to focus on the screen she answered the call.
"Allo?" She grumbled.
"Hey Delphine, its Paul. I did text you back last night but you then never replied. I left it until now before I called! Is everything OK?" Paul sounded worried the other end of the phone.
"I text you last night?" Delphine said out loud as if trying to remind herself of what she did when she was so drunk last night.
"Yeah some long assed crap in French. Thank god for Google is all I can say because I think I knew two words of what was written then had to Google the rest! You were rambling on about not wanting to go home. How everything is going to change. That you want things to stay how they are. What's going on Delphine. I have never seen you be like this with anyone before?"
"I'm sorry Paul I was just drunk and emotional. I am just sad that everything is going back to normality tomorrow. I do wish everything could just stay how it is now. Just me and Cosima in our little bubble."
"OK Delphine, why do you go to work? You're minted you don't need to work!" Paul pointed out.
"Yes that may be Paul, but you know me I get bored so easily. I like to be kept occupied and after I lost my last job Cosima has kept me very occupied. So maybe it is like a coping mechanism because if I stop it means I have to finally mourn my parents."
"Delphine you need to mourn them. You can't go around blocking everything out with regards to them. Have you told Cosima anything about them?"
"I have told her a little but I do not want her to feel sorry for me." Delphine whispered. Scared the sleeping woman next to her would hear her confessions.
"Delphine, I think in all honesty you need to take some time for you to find who the real you is again, as much as I love you and I love you dearly you are not the same woman I first met. But put that aside because I want to know what you are going to do to keep things how they are when you are going to be going out to work five days a week?"
"Argggggh! Everything is going to change isn't it? Cosima is going to go off me because I will end up working so much! I won't have time to come and see you! What was I thinking about taking this job!"
"Hey Del, calm down, things will only change if you let them change. From the last few days with you up here both I and Beth both said how in love you were with Cosima and how much she loves you. That's not going to change because you have a job. The time apart will make you appreciate each other all the more. Answer me this. How many days have you been apart since you got together?"
Delphine lay back on the bed and looked over at the sleeping Cosima. She tried to think of all the whole days and nights that they had been apart. Even when they had made plans and were going to spend the night or day away from each other they never actually did. And they were constantly on the phone to each other when they were apart. So you could quite easily say that they had never been apart.
"Erm this may sound a bit obsessive but we have never spent a day and night apart, we have spent every day together since we met if I am honest." Delphine felt a little embarrassed by her confession.
"Listen go and enjoy the rest of your day together, you're going to have to spend tonight alone anyway to prepare yourself for tomorrow as it is a big day and you don't want to be going to work tired and with a hangover because girl you sure know how to drink when you are with Cosima." Paul laughed trying to lighten the mood.
"Thanks Paul you're the best. Sorry again for disturbing you last night."
"No worries Del, it's what I'm here for. You know that!"
After they had said their goodbyes and Delphine had promised to call Paul the next night to let him know how her first day had gone Delphine put her phone back on the side table and turned to face Cosima who was still sleeping soundly.
"My god I love you so much!"
Delphine leaned down and gently kissed Cosima on the cheek, shuffling down the bed she pulled her in close taking in every last detail of the sleeping woman. Delphine had soon fallen asleep again. Then it was Cosima's turn to wake up. She needed to go to the bathroom so it was a natural wake up not forced like the call Delphine had had.
Cosima did her business then had a shower; she stood looking at herself after in the mirror. She hated herself, she had promised Delphine she would be true to her and never lie, and whilst she hadn't exactly lied, she hadn't really been truthful either. Cosima hated everything! Hated that after today there would be no more her and Delphine and it was all her fault. Tears began to form in her eyes but she wouldn't allow herself to cry, she swallowed the upset down. Looking through the gap I the door she watched Delphine as she turned over to the empty side of the bed and reach out into the empty space where she had been not twenty minutes before. Realisation dawning on a sleepy Delphine that Cosima wasn't there. Cosima's heart broke because she knew that would be how Delphine would be waking up every day from now on.
"Cosima you here?" Delphine called out quietly into the room.
"Hey yeah, I'm here!" Cosima replied as she made her way back into the bedroom.
"I thought you had left me! I woke up and you weren't there!" Delphine's voice broke as she looked at Cosima scared.
"I'm here don't worry; I was just getting a shower." Cosima soothed. Her own fears swallowed down as she let Delphine voice hers.
"I didn't think I would be so scared of going back to work and not being around you so much." Delphine admitted. "Waking up and you not being here made it all the more real. We haven't had any time apart since we met. It is going to be so hard."
Cosima didn't say anything just sat and played with Delphine's hair. She knew she should have said the truth but she wanted this to be about Delphine not her.
Delphine looked up at her girlfriend and saw that she was looking off into space.
"Hey what's wrong?" Delphine asked forgetting her own worries in an instant.
"Oh nothing. I'm just thinking about you babe. I hate that you feel like this." Cosima said quietly.
A knock at the door broke them from their thoughts.
"Ms Cormier, you asked for a call an hour before check out!" The male voice boomed into the room through the door.
Delphine got up and looked at the time. "Merde!" she said loudly.
"OK Thank you. We will be down soon." She called back as she searched for her things around the room. Cosima couldn't help but giggle at the scene it was quite comical and broke up the intensity in the room.
Delphine found her wash things and went to the bathroom to shower whilst Cosima got herself dressed. Cosima began humming a song to herself. She was trying to get into her relaxed place because the parting of ways back in London would be hard. Delphine had already decided that tonight she wanted to be alone to prepare for tomorrow. Cosima had tried to talk her out of being on her own to no avail. Cosima hadn't wanted to be alone so she was meeting up with Felix after he had finished work at 10pm.
Cosima's phone started ringing. SARAH flashing away on the screen. Reluctantly she answered.
"Hey Sarah what's up?" Cosima said brightly.
"I thought you would have been home by now! Mum wants to know what time you are getting to hers as she is leaving for Portugal tonight at 8!" Sarah scowled down the phone.
"Hey we are just getting ready to leave now. We get back to London at 6pm. Tell mum I will use my key to get in as I am going to meet Felix before I head to hers." Cosima explained.
"Cos, you know what mum is like she is a stickler for details. She said to remind you that your new support worker starts tomorrow at 8am, I know you probably know all this already but if I don't tell you mum will kick my arse into next week!"
"Sarah, relax. I will be at mum's ready and waiting for when they turn up. Listen I am a little busy right now. I will call you tomorrow yeah? Tell mum I love her and I will text her when we land. Give Kira a big hug from me and I will see her tomorrow night OK!"
"Kay Cos, I hope you had fun and you give us all the details just not the sexy times details because well your my sister and all that. Don't like to think of you doing the dirty with anyone sets my nerves on edge it does!"
"It has been amazing and have met some lovely people. I will fill you in when I see you tomorrow. Love you. Bye!"
"Love you too Geek Monkey. Bye!"
Just as Cosima put the phone in her pocket Delphine came out the bathroom. Cosima gasped because it didn't matter in what state of undress Delphine was I she was still so beautiful and it took her breath away how lucky she was.
"What's got you going red and struggling for breath?" Delphine teased as she slowly unwrapped the towel and playfully threw it towards Cosima. Turning to face away from the smaller woman who was doing everything in her power not to jump on the naked woman.
Cosima gulped. Really wanting to touch Delphine, to make love to her. Let her know just how much she wanted her.
Delphine slowly started walking over to Cosima. She was biting her lower lip. Lust evident in her eyes. Cosima couldn't help herself and she found herself pulling Delphine onto her lap. Her hands moving fluidly over the flesh before her. It was as if she was submitting Delphine's body to memory. Delphine gently lifted Cosima's head so she could kiss her. Slowly at first before becoming more heated. Cosima wanted nothing more to stop and just enjoy being with Delphine but she couldn't. Her desire was ignited and she knew it had to be sated.
An hour later and an aggravated bell boy banging on the door later Delphine and Cosima left the hotel and made their way to the airport. Cosima had decided not to eat anything before flying this time to ensure that she wouldn't be sick. Delphine on the other hand looked terrible. Not through anything other than the desire to stay away from London and continue with her little bubble of love with Cosima. She knew it could never be like that. No matter how much they both wanted it. She had said to Cosima so many times that she wouldn't give up working and here she was now less than 24hrs before starting the job wanting to say "Fuck it!" and live in said bubble with Cosima.
Cosima despite her nerves for the next day and the outcome was relatively calm. She knew that she had to remain so because Delphine was beginning to lose it a bit. The thought of going on the plane didn't scare her half as much as it did when they came up to Scotland.
Cosima held Delphine's hand as they settled on the plane. Cosima opting for the window seat. Delphine gave her a tight little smile and squeezed her hand tighter. Cosima could read exactly how Delphine was feeling and it was regret. Like she was. She regretted not telling Delphine because then she wouldn't be as torn apart as she was now. Yeah they would probably be working through things by now but there would be no lies or hiding.
The flight passed quickly. No sooner had they ascended into the air than they were descending into the airport again.
Delphine was still squeezing Cosima's hand. Cosima had tried to free her hand a couple of times but Delphine had grabbed it back each time. Almost like she was prolonging their time together, the longer she kept hold of Cosima the less time they would be apart.
Outside Delphine took out her cigarettes and lit one. She offered the packet to Cosima even though she knew she would refuse.
"I will drop you off first Delphine. I am going to Holloway to meet Felix tonight." Cosima said sadly.
"No come to mine Cosima I really don't want to be alone tonight." Delphine begged.
As much as it killed Cosima to do so she shook her head. "No we agreed, and Felix is expecting me now I can't cancel on such short notice."
"Don't you want to spend time with me tonight?" Delphine asked looking as if she was about to burst into tears.
"Delphine, baby I want to spend every minute of every day with you, but we both know that you start your job in the morning. You need to go and prepare for it. I will text and call you until you fall asleep if that helps?" Cosima placated the blonde woman.
Delphine nodded and took Cosima's hand again and kissed it softly. "I'm sorry Cherie; I am being something I never thought I would be. Needy!"
"You be as needy as you want sweetheart. I will always want you to need me?" Cosima smiled sadly, Delphine not noticing the sadness in Cosima's face.
Their taxi pulled up and they got in the back. Cosima looked at the time on her phone. It was 6.45pm in half an hour Delphine would be home and she would be on her way to the other side of London to get totally wrecked with Felix and cry herself to sleep at her mum's.
Delphine sat as close as she could to Cosima. Holding her hand and plying with her fingers. Knowing that in no time at all the dream would be finished. She would have to go back to her real life and she really didn't want that. She thought back to the times Cosima had said about not working and wished that she could turn the clock back and tell DYAD that she didn't want the job. She had signed the contract now so she had to honour it no matter how shitty she was feeling.
The taxi drew to a stop outside her home and she made to get out.
"Wait here a few minutes will you mate?" Cosima said to the driver as she got out and walked to the house with Delphine.
"You will call me later won't you babe?" Delphine asked with tears forming in her eyes.
"Of course I will. I will text you when I'm not ringing you too. This is going to be so hard not having you with me tonight but it has to be done." Cosima replied sadly.
"I know it's just that I never realised it would be this hard!" Delphine admitted.
"Well you know where I am if it does get too hard." Cosima offered.
Delphine bent down and kissed her girlfriend softly.
"I love you!" Cosima said as her voice broke.
"I love you too!" Delphine said back.
Cosima made her way back to the taxi, tears falling freely in her heart knowing that this would be the final goodbye.
Delphine sobbed as she watched Cosima get into the taxi, holding onto her chest feeling as if someone was trying to rip her heart out of her.
Cosima sat and watched Delphine going into the house.
"OK let's go!" She said to the driver.
Cosima arrived at Felix's flat just before 8. She found his spare key and let herself in. She sat on the sofa and just cried. Sobs wracking her body. She blindly found her phone in her pocket and began typing a text to Delphine.
Hey Babe, I hope you are OK? I am missing you so much. I'm so sorry I am not there with you. I love you xx
Cosima you have nothing to be sorry about. I should be the one saying sorry for letting you leave xx
Delphine, you should never be sorry for anything. It is all down to me xx
Cherie, why do you say that? Xx
Babe, because I am stupid xx
Don't talk like that. You are not stupid at all! I love you so how does that make you stupid? Xx
Because I should be there with you, instead of you being alone! Xx
Is Felix there? Xx
No. why? Xx
Call me please?Xx
Cosima didn't need asking twice and soon they were talking like they were in the same room. The conversation flowing easily. Both women feeling better hearing the other's voice reassuring them.
"Cosima sweetie are you here because if not I hope it is some well hung man!" Felix announced his arrival.
"Baby I'm going to have to go now. I will text you soon all right. I love you!" Cosima said as she finished off the call.
"I look forward to it. Love you too!" Delphine replied before she hung up the call.
"OK darling so I'm guessing by all the lovey dovey crap I have just witnessed that you haven't told the hottie the truth!" Felix said.
Cosima couldn't reply just nodded her head and started to cry again.
"Aww Cos, why?" Felix soothed.
Cosima looked at her friend and just pulled him into a hug.
"I couldn't lose her; I'm not ready to lose her and if by not telling her I don't lose her for a few more hours then sobeit!" She said in-between sobs.
Felix untangled himself from the dreaded girl and went to the kitchen and returned a few minutes later with a bottle of vodka and his stash of pot.
Cosima took a glass and a good helping of Vodka, she knew she had to have a drink, not that she really wanted one she just knew she had to have something to dull the pain that was getting worse in her chest. Felix sat next to her and built a joint for them both.
Delphine had run herself a bath and had got in it. She knew a lot of her emotional state was from the nerves she was feeling for the next day. She felt bad that it seemed that she was putting everything onto Cosima, but she couldn't help it. She smiled at the thought of Cosima and Felix getting high and drunk chatting shit about anything and everything, she had Paramore on in the background, one of the CDs that Cosima had left in the house. The tunes beginning to open her mind a bit more.
When Delphine awoke an hour later it was to the sound of her phone vibrating on the unit next to her. After finding a towel and drying her hands she picked it up. She had a missed call from Paul and one from Beth. 20 messages from Cosima and Tony had sent her a message too.
Delphine smiled. She clicked on Cosima's picture and the messages all appeared on the screen.
Hey babe, I'm a little bit drunk and a little bit baked! Love you xx
I'm hoping you have fallen asleep and not ignoring me. Xx
Can't wait to talk to you later. I'm sure I won't make any sense at all. Love you big time xx
DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELPHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE! I miss you xx
The messages continued in the same vein until she got to the last one.
Baby, if this is the last night we are together I want you to know I love you so much. I never meant to hurt you. Xxxxxxxxxxx
This confused Delphine. She couldn't figure out why Cosima would send a message like that. A horrible panic began to take over her. She clicked the call icon.
"Heeeeeey baaaaaaby," Slurred Cosima down the phone.
"Don't hey baby me! What is that message you sent me all about. The last night together. You scare me!"
"I just wanted you to know that no matter what life throws at ussss. I love you and I am sorrrrry baaaaby." The slurred response came.
"Delphine, Cosima is drunk. She doesn't know what she is saying. The taxi is on its way to take her home!" Felix shouted down the phone.
"Let me know you get home safely baby!" Delphine said calming down.
"Yesh I will schweetheart!" Cosima said in her worst drunken American accent. This caused Delphine to giggle.
"You are so sexy when you laugh. Can I come to yours?" Cosima said as if she had suddenly sobered up.
"Cosima I would love nothing more than you to come round but it is 12am and I have to get to bed and get some sleep before work tomorrow." Delphine could feel Cosima pouting down the phone.
"NO FAIR!" She sulked.
Cosima stayed on the phone to Delphine all the way home. They both finally agreed to hang up after Cosima had engaged in a relationship with her toilet bowl.
Delphine lie back on her bed and let herself drift off into sleep. Her mind not worrying about anything and her dreams coming easily.
Delphine awoke with a start to her alarm going off at 7am.
"Shit!" She shouted at herself for allowing herself to press snooze. She would have to rush to get ready in time and she hated rushing.
She checked her phone quickly and saw that she had a message from Cosima.
Good luck today/tomorrow. I am going to sleep now. Let me know how things go. Whatever happens you will be amazing! I love you xx
Delphine smiled as she put the phone down and went to get ready. She left the house 45 minutes later. She didn't have too far to travel it was a 10 minute ride on the bus.
Getting off the bus she found the street she wanted.
She was looking for 176 she knew she had a bit of a walk down the road. Looking at her phone it had just turned 8am. She was going to be a few minutes late that was OK it was to be expected with it being her first day trying to find the place.
Delphine found the house she was looking for eventually. Standing at the gate she took a deep breath. Her nerves starting to manifest themselves again. Approaching the front door Delphine took another deep breath. A familiar smell hit her nose.
'No it can't be?' She thought as she reached for the bell.
After what felt like forever the door was unlocked and opened. Delphine's face dropped and her stomach hit the floor. She couldn't stop it as the bile rose in her throat and made her heave…