CHAPTER THIRTEEN
A/N The song for this chapter is another Paramore one Where The Lines Overlap. It will become evident as the chapter goes on.
Guest User who reviewed, PM me please as I was a bit confused as to what you wrote and would like to discuss this more with you.
When both the women had stopped crying, Cosima got up and made them both a drink. Cosima had her usual Green Tea and Delphine had her coffee.
"Ok we have to have a plan of action, we need to make sure that when things get difficult we have something we say or do that the other knows to move away or give space." Delphine said slowly.
"Delphine can I ask you something?" Cosima asked before letting Delphine continue.
Delphine looked at her and nodded.
"Would you be with me if I fired you as my support worker?" Cosima asked knowing that the answer would not be easy to swallow.
"I do not know Cosima, I know I would need some space because you did deceive me, I know you didn't lie but you kept something important from me. I would have to go and think about things, but who knows maybe we could have a future!" Delphine said honestly.
"Can I fire you then?" Cosima said with a laugh but was being 100% serious.
"No I would not allow you to do that. As I said before I would rather be here every day with you working than not at all. Whilst my feelings for you haven't changed in the fact that I still love you. My morals are very high and I would not cross the professional lines of conduct." Delphine tried to explain the best she could but knew that she couldn't get across what she really wanted to say.
In her mind Delphine wanted Cosima to do just that, fire her and they could maybe work towards something again. She knew she couldn't go back on what she had just said. Even though she wanted to.
Cosima looked at Delphine and saw that she was deep in contemplation. Almost as if she was having a struggle within. "Hey Delphine, listen you know you can still talk to me. Just because we aren't together anymore doesn't mean that we cannot talk."
"I think it's better if we keep things strictly professional though Cosima." Delphine replied. "I think we need to start as we mean to go on."
Cosima nodded in agreement even though her heart was screaming out to just kiss the woman she loved. Cosima stood slowly and made her way out the room. "I'm just going to go get washed up and dressed, we will then go through your shifts and duties." Her voice broke mid-way through.
Delphine's heart broke a little more seeing Cosima like this. She was hurting herself but it killed her to see Cosima so broken. The longing she felt for her would not ease and it took all the willpower she had to stop herself from running to the other woman and holding her tight.
After about half an hour Cosima returned to the lounge. She looked better than before. She had dressed in loose fitting pants and an oversized jumper. She had decided that despite everything she would do her best to do what Delphine wanted even if she didn't want it herself.
"So are you ready to go through everything?" Cosima asked not really looking at Delphine.
"Yeah, let's get this done." Delphine replied.
"So you will be required to come to any appointments with me at the hospital and document everything they say. Also I have physio once a week where they keep my muscles as supple as they can. You will be required to attend those with me as sometimes it is hard for me to walk after. Also if I have to start medication for pain relief then you will have to fill in all the relevant paperwork." Cosima paused.
"So I don't have to do any physical work?" Delphine asked.
"No a lot of the time it is just to escort me to appointments, or to just spend time with me, that is my mother's wish. At the moment there will be nothing physical unless I have a major muscle spasm then I may need a bit more hands on help. The spasms don't happen very often, when they do they can be quite debilitating. Like today you will know when one has happened. Also DYAD are putting in a sensor alarm so if it was to happen in the middle of the night you would get a call for you to come and help me. This was my request because at the minute it is Cal that has to come out if something happens. I have a pendent alarm that goes through to his phone." Cosima explained some more.
Delphine sat and took all the information in. She didn't realise how little she would have to do. You will work every other weekend and you will work from 8am til 8pm each day you do work." Cosima finished off. She hated being this formal. She had to do this though. She had to try and make things right the best way she could.
Delphine looked up and saw that Cosima was looking straight at her. Her stomach gave that little flip every time like it had before when she had caught Cosima looking at her. She could tell instantly that her eyes were saying I love you. She wanted to reach out and just take hold of the other woman's hand and say it back, but she had to stick to her plan. If she crossed over the professional lines then that would be the end of everything. She had to have Cosima in her life, she couldn't just leave and this was the only way.
Cosima couldn't tear her eyes away from Delphine. She just had to take in the beauty of her former lover. She just had to etch the beauty into her brain she would never forget what she lost.
They sat in silence for a while. Delphine looking discreetly at Cosima and Cosima just staring at Delphine. The tension in the air was palatable. Delphine knew at that point she had to leave the room before something happened between them.
"I'm just going to use the bathroom!" Delphine said quietly before rushing out of the room. Once inside the safety of the small room she let the tears fall.
"What are you doing Delphine? Get a grip. This is your career now you have to put your feelings on a back burner no matter how hard!" She told herself in the mirror. That didn't stop the feeling in the pit of her stomach. She just had to think of Cosima's name and the butterflies started.
"Delphine are you OK? You have been in there a while?" Cosima called out shaking Delphine out of her trance.
"Err Yeah I'm good. Just give me a minute and I will be out?" Delphine shouted back.
Splashing her face with cold water to try and cool down her face and eyes she patted herself dry. Taking a long breath in when the towel was close to her nose. It smelt of Cosima. Delphine loved how she smelt but quickly put the towel down again.
"Here we go!" She said to herself as she opened the door and walked back out into the lounge.
The rest of the day passed in comfortable silence as both the women went about and did their own thing. A few times as Cosima left the room Delphine would whisper to herself "I love you!" not loud enough for Cosima to hear her but enough to ease the tension in her heart.
At 8pm Delphine put on her coat.
"I will see you tomorrow Cosima?" She said making it a question.
"Sure, how about you meet me away from the house, the family hates how I stay in so much so maybe we can go somewhere instead. I mean I have no appointments for weeks except my physio and that isn't until Monday so we might as well make the most of this nice weather." Cosima suggested. Not because she wanted to go out but she thought it might be a bit easier on the both of them if they weren't in such an enclosed area. She was finding it hard enough to keep her hands to herself so God help how hard it was for Delphine.
"Yes that's fine. Do you want to call me later or in the morning and we can arrange everything." Delphine replied after considering things.
"I will call you later if that's alright with you?" Cosima said.
"Yeah that is fine. I'm likely to be awake for a while yet." Delphine replied.
"OK cool." Cosima said. She went towards Delphine not thinking and went to give her a hug. Delphine moved out of the way.
"Shit I'm sorry!" Cosima said moving back.
Delphine gave a wave of her hand and left the house. Closing the door behind her she took a moment and leant against the door. Little did she know that Cosima was doing the exact same thing on the other side?
Delphine closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths before she moved away. Her heart was hammering inside her chest. She was thinking to herself was it really worth all this?
Cosima made her way to the lounge window and watched Delphine walk away. This was the hardest thing she had ever had to do. She even thought it harder than when she was diagnosed with MS. That had been tough and she had pushed everything and everyone aside until she had got her head around things. Now though she had to get her head around things whilst the issue or rather the object of her heart was still around. She was glad she had suggested the trip out tomorrow because she really didn't think she would be able to cope with being in such an enclosed space with Delphine all day every day. She was going to take her to Margate. It was only an hour away on the train, but it would do them good to go somewhere away from all the memories.
Cosima went to the kitchen and made herself another Green Tea. She sat on the back porch and lit a joint. Inhaling deeply she felt the weed do its job quickly to relax her. Exhaling slowly she felt everything melt away.
Delphine arrived home and was greeted by Beth sat on her doorstep.
"SURPRISE!" Squealed her friend as she launched herself at Delphine.
"What are you doing here? Delphine asked surprised.
"You can blame Paul for this. He wanted me to come down for a few weeks to have some quality girl time before he comes down after I go back." Beth explained.
Hugging her friend tight she whispered "I'm so glad you are here."
"Hey, rule number 1! No soppy shit whilst I am down! We are going to get back the old Delphine. Screw anyone else!" Beth announced.
"The old Delphine is lost!" Delphine said. Knowing Beth was on a mission scared her a little.
"Come on let's get inside and you can tell me everything. I'm sure Paul left a lot of information out when he filled me in but I know you won't keep anything from me once we open this!" Beth said as she pulled out a bottle of Delphine's favourite red wine.
"You are an angel in disguise, you know that?" Delphine said as she quickly opened the door and brought in Beth's cases.
"What do you mean an angel in disguise I am THE angel." Beth joked as she tried to look as innocent as possible. Delphine couldn't help but laugh at the faces her friend was pulling.
Closing the door behind them Delphine made her way to the kitchen to get glasses and a corkscrew whilst Beth went and put her bags in the room she always used when she came to visit. Without thinking Delphine text Cosima.
Beth just turned up here! Surprised is not the word. Miss you xx
It wasn't until after she had sent the text that she realised what she had done.
"Oh fuck!" She exclaimed. But she didn't send another message.
"So come on Del, tell me everything! How did you find out Cosima had cheated on you?" Beth asked coming down the stairs.
Cosima's phone vibrated on the ground next to her, it drew her out of the thoughts running round her head. She saw Delphine's name across the screen. She tapped on the message notification and couldn't help but smile when she read the message.
'She misses me' she thought to herself, her smile getting wider. She thought about replying for a moment then decided against it. She decided that she would see if Delphine text her again before she did reply.
Scrolling through her contacts she found the one she wanted and called.
"What do you want?" Came the gruff response from Sarah.
"I want to apologise. I shouldn't have gone off on you like I did the other day. I was just in a bad place. And you just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and you got it both barrels. I hope you realise that it wasn't aimed at you at all." Cosima explained.
"Cos, you do this all the time! Don't take your shit out on me. All I have ever done is support you. What you said hurt me to fuck!"
"Sarah I really am sorry, I had just broken up with my girlfriend, and my new support worker well she got it too. I sent her home as I just wanted to wallow. Please let me make it up to you." Cosima begged.
"How about you start by coming over and looking after Kira for a couple of hours so me and Cal can go and have a date night we haven't had one for weeks." Sarah suggested.
"I will be there in half an hour!" Cosima said brightly. Kira was the one member of the family she could stand to spend any length of time with.
"And don't bring any of your lesbian drama with you either. I don't want Kira exposed to that just yet!" Sarah warned.
"I won't, we are trying to work through things, spend time apart and leave each other alone at night so you have no worries there." Cosima said as she put her coat on and grabbed her keys.
"See you soon then." Sarah said before she hung up.
Cosima jumped in a black cab and got to Sarah's in 10 minutes. Knocking on the door she heard Kira shouting. "It's Auntie Cosima!"
Sarah opened the door and looked at her sister. You would have thought that they were twins they looked so alike but Sarah was a year older.
"Auntie Cosima are you going to show me some science again!" Her niece asked excitedly.
"Well it depends on how good you have been and if you have any certificates from school to show me!" Cosima teased.
Kira went running to her bedroom leaving the sisters in the hallway.
"So you got dumped eh?" Sarah said matter of fact.
Cosima shrugged her shoulders in reply not really wanting to elaborate anymore on it.
"Just keep your personal shit away from Kira OK!" Sarah warned as Cal came down and took Sarah's arm.
"Come on babe. The restaurant is booked for 20 mins we need to get going." Cal said winking at Cosima.
"Have a good night you two!" Cosima said as they started to get their things.
"Mummy! Daddy! Will you come see me when you get back?" Kira asked.
"Of course Monkey, an hour then bed OK. You are going to nanny's tomorrow don't forget." Sarah said.
"I didn't forget silly. I have my bag all ready to go." Kira announced proudly.
"That's a good girl." Cal said proudly.
"See you later Monkey be good for auntie Cosima remember what I told you OK?" Sarah said as she closed the front door behind her.
"OK Kira now what did your mummy tell you?" Cosima said intrigued.
"I cannot tell you it is a secret. She said if I told anyone bad things would happen." Kira said.
"Darn, and I thought you had some juicy gossip for me!" Cosima laughed knowing not to pry anymore.
"Auntie Cosima I got these at school for science. I remember what you have been teaching me. I am top of my class!" Kira said proudly.
"Aww Monkey are you going to be a Geek Monkey like me?" Cosima asked with tears in her eyes.
"Don't cry Auntie Cosima. Mum is really proud of me. She said that I retain information like an elephant and that should be my nickname Elephant. But I don't like elephants they scare me. So I told mummy I wanted to stay a Monkey."
"You are so your mothers daughter." Cosima said as she scooped up the young girl and kissed her.
"Eww Auntie Cosima that is gross!" Kira squealed as she tried to get out of Cosima's hold.
Cosima put her down and chased her around the house until she was too out of breath to run anymore. Kira came and sat next to her. She had brought Cosima a bottle of water. Cosima took the opportunity to take a picture of herself and Kira. She sent it in a message to Sarah, Cal, Delphine and her mother. She didn't put a caption with the picture just sent it as it was.
Is that what we are doing tomorrow? Delphine.
No I didn't mean to send that to you. I'm sorry x
It's OK it is a lovely picture. Who is the child?
It's my niece Kira. She is totally adorable. You would love her x
I will maybe meet her sometime when I am with you for work.
Delphine there is no need to be so formal. We can be friends you know x
I would love to be friends but at the minute with my feelings still so strong it is best to keep a little distance.
Do whatever you have to do Delphine. I'm not going anywhere x
I know you are not. Neither am I. don't forget that, I just need to get my head around things Cosima.
Delphine, we both need to do that. I just don't want to lose my feelings for you. I love you xx
Cosima waited for the reply, five minutes later still nothing. She put her phone down and took a sleepy Kira up to bed.
"Goodnight Monkey." She whispered as she kissed the young girls head.
She made her way downstairs. She saw her phone moving along the side. She ran over and saw that Delphine was calling her.
"Hey you!" She said a little surprised.
"Hey, it is only a quick call but I wanted to say I love you too." Delphine replied before putting the phone down.
Cosima looked at the phone shocked. She noticed that she had three messages.
I love you too. I don't think I will ever stop loving you.
Cosima?
I'm going to call you.
Cosima's heart started to swell again. She couldn't decide if she wanted to risk rocking the boat and text or call. In the end she decided to leave it as it was.
Delphine sat in the bathroom with the phone pressed to her forehead. She couldn't figure out if she had done the most stupidest thing in her life or not.
"Hey Del you alright in there?" Beth called up.
"Yes, I am fine Beth. Just give me a minute. I think the wine has gone to my head quicker than normal today." Delphine said.
"OK, are you at work tomorrow?" Beth asked.
"Yes, but not until I get a phone call in the morning but I don't want to go up too late because I need my beauty sleep!" Delphine joked.
"Well Del, I am going up now. So you sleep well alright. I am exhausted I have been up since the early hours. I am ready to sleep for a week. Just leave me a key in the morning and I will be able to come and go when I please then."
"OK Beth I will see you tomorrow night. Love you!"
"Love you too Del."
The day went well Cosima called Delphine to tell her to meet her at Victoria Station as they were going to the beach. They went and Delphine thought it had been good to be anonymous for a change. Every shift became like that for the next couple of months only staying at the house when Cosima had appointments or meetings.
It was on one of the trips out that Cosima took the time to sit down with Delphine and have a talk with her.
"My mum and sister want to meet you? They have been hassling me for the last month to meet you. I said I would discuss it with you first because it is not in your contract to meet them. It's just them being a pain in the arse about things." Cosima explained gently.
"No it's fine Cosima arrange it. It would be nice to meet them!" Delphine conceded actually petrified.
"Are you sure?" Cosima asked seriously.
"Yes I am sure!" Delphine said. Cosima wasn't looking directly at her so Delphine took the moment to just look at her former lover. She couldn't believe that all her original feelings for her were still there. Often she would look at Cosima when she knew that she wasn't looking or thought that she wouldn't notice. Cosima had changed towards her, she could tell that the other woman's feelings were starting to fade, or so she thought. Cosima had stopped being as tactile with her as she had in the start. Delphine felt a bit sad at this but knew it would happen.
Cosima knew Delphine was staring at her again. Her heart hammered against her chest. She hated the fact that she couldn't do anything about it. She had made a promise to herself after the night with the I love you declarations that she was going to let Delphine come to her. She didn't want to let herself be drawn in again just to get rejected. She wanted to protect herself as much as possible.
Looking at her watch Cosima announced. "It's getting late we should start heading back."
"let's stay a little longer, you don't have to get back for anything. You don't have any appointments tomorrow. Let us go for a drink as friends as I feel we have reached that stage." Delphine said hopefully.
"Erm OK sure why not!" Cosima said.
Inside Delphine was cheering she had initially thought that Cosima would say no but it made her smile that she had said yes….
THANKS: spookycj, Erika, CK, and everyone else still reading this. Only two more chapters of part one to go. Then it all goes tits up hahaha