Chapter 5

Loki had spent the rest of the day in his room, moping about how badly he had handled the incident…

Once he had calmed down, he had to realize the true reason of his anger, the deep-down motive of his violence. There was indeed the fact that Thor had no right to kiss him without asking permission, the fact that he had hidden his interest for Loki's under the cover of a casual friendship… Those were bad enough but menial compared to what really made Loki mad.

The fact that Tony never kissed him properly. Not even once. Only impersonal, quickly made little pecks. After all he had done to Loki, he couldn't condescend to such an intimate gesture.

And the fact that, contrary to Tony, Thor had done it right away. Before anything would have happened between them.

The gap between the two men and the difference in their attitudes towards Loki was too much to bear and incomprehensible. Thor's boldness was as disturbing as Tony's carelessness. The discrepancy was frightening.

He had loved Tony and Tony had discarded him without even the decency of a warning. Loki had only liked and trusted Thor, up to a certain point, and Thor had had a similar rudeness by claiming Loki's mouth. The irony was not lost on Loki. Thor had possessed the one thing that had remained more or less untouched after Tony's passage.

Now, Loki didn't know what to do. He was tempted not to see Thor anymore, not to make any new acquaintances, nor meeting other people. It seemed to Loki as if he was cursed... Anyone that came into his orbit and won his trust seemed to have ulterior motives and determined to betray him.

Yet, when he went to his computer later, he realized that Thor had already sent a panicked email.

Loki wanted to throw it out right away. But he was curious about what Thor had to say about all of this. Surely, it would be complaints about Loki's refusal and assurance that he was not to see him ever again. Loki felt an unexpected pang at the idea of losing Thor's friendship… Unbelievable, why would he feel guilty or sad ? Nonetheless, he opened the mail...

" Dear Loki (it said...)

Please, do not erase this until you have read it to the end. I am sorry. I don't know how to say it properly. I am really, really sorry.

Okay, I lied, or rather, I didn't tell you the whole truth right away. I didn't tell you that I like you, I like you very, very much. I even think I love you.

I know that's no excuse, that I still hid it and scared you. But I really wanted you to see that I am dead serious about you and I am not afraid, nor ashamed, of my feelings for you.

I want us to be together. Of course, if you don't feel the same for me, I'll respect that. I won't pressure you for anything. But at least, let's remain friends, let's be like before and forget about what I did to you today...

The point is I love you so much. I can't bear to be parted from you. It's okay if you don't love me but please don't cut me off your life. I'll be devastated if you do...

Again, do not punish me for being an idiotic fool, crazy in love for you.

I love you and I am sorry. Please answer back, even if it is to tell me to piss off… I need to know where you want us to stand...

Yours ever, Thor."

Loki had to think. He had no idea of what to do. Thor LOVED him ? Why ? What for ? How come a football high school superstar like Thor would care about a nerd like Loki ? Didn't he have many blond cheerleaders with perky tits and an equivalent superficiality for his pleasure ? Why grim, serious, unpopular Loki ? Why bother ?

Loki was divided between telling Thor to go to hell and never come back and demanding an explanation. He was so tired about all this emotional hassle he was tempted to cease any connection with Thor. He was bone-deep weary about that murky soup of sentiments. But curiosity had the better of it. Knowing Thor a little better, he had to admit the man had a brain, sensibility and sensitivity. Even a natural instinct in deciphering people. But he appeared to be extremely naive… So… Again, what had he seen in Loki that was that much interesting ?

Loki made up his mind and send Thor a text.

"Tomorrow. My place. 9am. Until then, keep it down. Don't waste my time."

The next day was Sunday. Loki's father was off to his fishing and hunting or whatever with his business partners, his Mom off with her shopping addiction, his brothers were god-knows-where there is chums, and/or beer, and/or football, and/or blond cheerleaders with big tits...

Loki knew Thor and him would be alone and undisturbed until late in the afternoon.

He was taking chances. He had no idea what Thor would say or do for his defense.

9 am sharp, as Loki knew Thor would, Thor showed up at Loki's door, a contrite and anxious little smile on his lips and a huge bunch of strongly scented red roses in his arms. It was so big some fell on the threshold and Loki had to reluctantly pick them up.

Roses were a shrewd blow. Loki was a little angered by it. Thor already knew some of his weak points.

Yet Loki silently invited Thor in, took the roses, settled them in his mother's biggest Baccarat crystal vase (since no one cared about flowers in this household, except Loki, that beautiful vase was taking the dust in the cupboard) and opened a beer for Thor and him. During the whole operation, which lasted about 10 minutes, Thor had to wait in the living room. His knees were shaky from the tension, yet he had to be patient until Loki deigned to finish. He had the vague impression that Loki was taking his time just to make his point clear. Just to show that he was in charge, not Thor...

Thor was not going to lead this conversation. He was expected to provide a thorough explanation. He knew that whatever his and Loki's relationship with each other might take form into, it would all depend on what Thor would say to justify himself.

"So," Loki said, putting the bottles down, "Start talking."

Thor deeply breathed, as if about to dive.

"I am sorry."

Loki barked a bitter laugh.

"That's all ?! You already mentioned that in your mail ! I expected you to have a little more imagination !"

"What do you want me to say, Loki ?" Thor put his palm upward as if in surrender to Loki's wrath. "I am in love with you. I hid it to you because I was scared of your reaction. I did something stupid and I have no idea how to make it up to you. So tell me !" He reached out to Loki, insisting. "Tell me what to do ?"

Loki had to admit he had no idea. He wasn't that much angry anymore. Thor loved him and seemed sincere, almost desperate about it. This was not entirely unexpected but it was totally new to Loki. He didn't have the manual to deal with this type of situation.

And the last time he had been confronted to this kind of emotions had been an utter disaster...

"You really love me ?" Loki murmured, more intrigued than angry.

Thor nodded, his lips pursued in anxious earnestness. He DID look eager and earnest. But Loki didn't know what to believe any more. At that point, Loki made a decision. Again, he had no idea of what to do but he could deal with it the way he had been shown how to.

"Let's go to my room."

Thor climbed up the stairs behind Loki with a feeling of being in a completely absurd situation.

One minute, Loki seemed ready to show him the door and to tell him not to come back ever. The next, he was offering Thor a private visit in his bedroom, a place Thor knew he let no one in. Not even Tony actually, but Thor couldn't know that...

Considering that they were going to be alone for a good moment, any dude in their school would have thought that this was a free card for something really naughty.

But Loki's attitude was weird. Cold, detached, even... resigned.

As if he was doing something he felt obliged to do and didn't like it one bit even though he had to.

Thor had no idea what to think of all of this. None of it made sense. But he was determined to see what was it that Loki wanted from him.

Once in Loki's mysterious den, Thor took a minute to admire his beloved's personal space. It was a surprisingly spartan room with the minimum of furniture. Not a sign of personalization. It was deprived of any poster or image of any kind that were the usual decoration for a teenager. Yet it was very luminous with a large window that had a full view on the Laufeysons' beautiful garden. The room was filled up to the ceiling with shelves full of books and a huge desk with a brand new mac was standing in the middle. Everything there meant business more than leisure or rest...

Thor was put out of his musings when he saw what Loki was doing

Loki was standing in front of the large white bed, his back on Thor, and he had started undressing.

He was taking off his sweater, revealing fine shoulders and a very white back. Obviously, Loki didn't like to tan. Thor thought he wanted to change clothes but then Loki put down his pants and showed Thor a pair of rather plain boxers that weren't very sexy but caused him a shock nonetheless...

Thor was mesmerized by the long, muscled legs and the feet that seemed graceful. Yet, he was not enough fascinated not to notice that this little display didn't look enticing or provocative at all. Indeed, it was the perfect antithesis of a strip tease. Loki could have been all alone in his room, it would have looked exactly the same.

And he was still turning his back on Thor.

Soon Loki was totally naked and endeavored to lie down on the bed, exposing himself to Thor's eyes.

Just as Tony had ordered him the first time, Loki breathed a bit and spreadeagled himself on the sheet, bare and offered so Thor could do what he had to do.

Loki didn't want to lose Thor's friendship. He was sick with loneliness. So, if the type of sex Tony fancied was the price to keep Thor's affections, so be it.

Loki had absolutely no idea of what he was doing.

Neither was Thor.

What he had dreamed about for weeks was handed over to him on a silver platter, fully exposed on the white sheet. He was literally drooling on that beautiful sight. If he had had no sense of decency or sensibility, Thor would have hurled himself onto that magnificent body without any consideration for Loki's feelings. Thor was ashamed of starting to get hard but, contrary to what many would have done in this situation, he still had some blood left in his brain.

Because Loki had not behaved like a lover trying to seduce his partner.

He had behaved like a worn-out prostitute, wearily trying to satisfy a repulsive client.

Of course, Thor knew that if he said that aloud, he could kiss his private parts good-bye...

Loki kept his eyes shut, waiting for the weight of Thor's body on him or for Thor to tell him what to do, turn around or something... But nothing happened.

Instead he felt that he was being covered with one of the left over blankets that stood aside. Thor was lying next to him but instead of taking him, he was actually covering him like an adult would do with a sick child !

"What the hell are you doing ?!" Loki screamed, sitting up, opening his eyes in rage to see Thor's perplexed face.

"I could ask you the same question, baby. What in heaven do you think you are doing ?"

He had asked it without any kind of stress in his voice but he was clearly confused.

Loki grabbed the sheet, unconsciously hiding his chest like a maiden. If Thor clearly didn't want Loki, there was no reason for him to see more naked skin.

"I thought you wanted to... You said you love me..."

"I do."

"Then why don't you … ?"

Thor frowned. "It doesn't look to me as if you really want it, baby."

Loki slightly opened his mouth, unsure of what to say... Thor considered his attitude for a moment.

"Baby... Me loving you doesn't mean we have to do it right here and now. Especially if you are not in the mood."

Loki felt a strange cold washing over him. Thor's words, as reasonable as they sounded, also had a dreary undertone. Something that really scared Loki. He was incapable of saying what. By the way, Loki didn't like Thor to call him 'baby.' It reminded him too much of someone else...

"I don't understand..." Loki faintly murmured, clutching the cover.

Thor crawled so as to be very close. Loki was still sitting with his hands on the sheet and now he had Thor, laid down and looking upward to him, his head resting on his hand.

"Baby, we'll do what you want us to do. " Thor softly said. "Tell me what you want, sweetie ?"

Loki clenched his teeth.

I want you to get out. He thought. I want you to stay. I want you to get out and never come back. I want Tony back. I want Tony to rot in hell. I want you to stop call me 'baby' or call me at all. I want you to hug me. I want Tony to hug me. I want you both dead. I want to be like I used to be before all of this. Before Tony. Before you. I want, I want, I want...

"I don't know." He said eventually.

Thor smiled, still looking upward in Loki's eyes. He was dying to take Loki in his arms, to caress him, to hold him... But something told him not to do anything. Just to wait.

"Then, sweetheart, I'll wait. I'll wait until you know what to do."

"You're in for a long wait." Loki bitterly said.

"As long as needed." Thor yawned. "But right now, I won't say no to a little nap." He started to close his eyes. "I worried myself sick all night about you..."

He settled down, close to Loki and actually closed his eyes and quickly fell into sleep... Fully dressed, almost spooning against a naked, flabbergasted Loki.

The dumb blond was actually snoring ! Loki was stark naked, available and consenting (or was he ?) and that oaf was sleeping like the dead ! And he had the gall to suggest that it was Loki's fault !

Loki was vexed but in the same time, relieved... He was not going to endure what Tony did to him again.

As he was in turn slowly dozing off, listening to Thor's calm breathing, Loki wondered how did they look like, dressed and naked, chastely sleeping next to each other. He wondered what was going to happen next between them. It seemed that Thor assumed he was forgiven and that their friendship wasn't altered. That things would go on as they were. Loki, deep inside, seriously doubted that.

Furthermore, and that was bad, Thor's respectful attitude and concern for Loki's needs cast a terrible light on Tony's actions...

Actually, nothing changed between them the following weeks. They went to school together, they had some classes together, Loki came again to Thor's matches, Thor went to the rehearsals of Loki's theater club... Nothing much for some time. It did seem that nothing had happened, that Thor didn't know every inch of Loki's nakedness... They never talked about it.

Loki was satisfied with this situation. As long as life went on without the sentimental hassle, everything was fine. Thor acted as if it was the case, anyway...

Then, surprisingly, Loki's brothers asked them both to come to their camping party in Loki's father log cabin in the woods. Well, calling this chalet a "log cabin" was a bit naive. It was Loki's father's private hunting cottage with all the comfort possible. He used it to receive his business partners.

Loki was amazed. His brothers never wanted Loki to go with them, especially when they were with girls, which was the case. They were bringing along their current girlfriends. Bill told Thor he could also bring his own with a heavy wink of the eye and a raucous laughter. So subtle, Loki angrily thought.

If he hadn't been fuming about his brother's lack of delicacy, Loki would have noticed Thor's strange smile...

So they went, Loki, Thor, Loki's brothers and the two girls. Loki already regretted coming for the promiscuity was going to be difficult for him. He didn't know why he had accepted any more. He had been surprised and said yes right away for it was the very first time he was doing something with his brothers. It was a change from being constantly ignored. Besides, Thor was coming and Loki suspected he was the real reason for this invitation. Bill and Larry wanted to have good rapports with their rival, probably to study him, outside the school. The fact that Loki seemed to be Thor's pet, as he used to be Tony's, was convenient. In the car, Loki's excitement started to fade into annoyance.

Maybe Thor was able to sense his changes of mood by now, for he put his arm around Loki's shoulder. Loki made a tiny jump at the unexpected gesture. Thor was still talking and laughing to the audience as if he wasn't making a very personal touch to his supposed best friend. No one seemed to mind. Loki, curiously, felt reassured by this weight on his neck and started to relax.

As Loki had predicted himself, the "camping party" was a pretext for drinking around a fire, smoking pot (Loki stored this piece of news of his brothers smoking illegal stuff for himself. Their coach would be thrilled, indeed...), display themselves with the girls and laugh at Thor for being "abstinent." Bill, already drunk, even asked him if he had made a "chastity pledge."

Thor simply laughed back and put his arm around Loki again. Loki noticed he had a weird angry glimmer in his eyes. It freaked him out.

Loki was embarrassed and deduced that his brothers were too far gone to see that Thor's behavior towards Loki was a little too much affectionate for a simple friend, even a close one.

As Loki knew it would happen, at two in the morning, the two couples, after a lot of public groping and sloppy kisses, would retire to their respective bedrooms.

Thor and Loki had taken the couch in the living room and left the two rooms to the others. Loki wasn't apprehensive about sleeping close to Thor again so he quickly dozed off after wishing Thor's good night.

A few minutes after, Loki was awaken by characteristic little noises. The regular pounding of a bed against the wall (multiplied by two), moans and groans and tiny shrieks... The disgusting music of people having intercourse, not one couple, but two at the same time... Delightful.

Loki grumbled in exasperation. The last straw. His brothers were douches and exhibitionists. He couldn't understand how could any girl could stand them. The alcohol and the pot must have turned into rot what was left of their brains...

Loki was tired and angry and wished he could just have some peace and quiet when he realized something embarrassing.

He was hard.

It had been months but finally his body was requiring his undivided attention. Loki had felt numb and indifferent after Tony and nothing had awaken it ever since, not even Thor. It had only sufficed a distasteful display of his brothers' sexual exploits to make it new and shiny. Loki tried to cover his ears but it was useless since the moans from the rooms increased.

Feeling hot with shame, Loki took himself in his own hand. He hated it. When he was little and still attending church and Sunday school, he had been regularly fed about how horrible it was to masturbate, how sinful and dangerous, how you could go blind and other similar amazingly stupid lies...

Yet they had their effects for Loki never liked touching himself like that. He worked on it but there was very little pleasure, as if it was mechanical.

Then he felt like a burn on him.

Thor, who was sleeping on the other side, had turned around and was looking at him with comically wide and surprised eyes.

Before Loki would think of anything to say to justify his actions, Thor crawled to be as close as possible to Loki and, without further ado, wrapped his hand around Loki's shaft and put Loki's own hand to his own.

Thor's sex felt like a rock. It seemed huge and a little repulsive. Yet he was settling the pace and caressing Loki at the same time. Loki found himself unable to stop.

"Thor, what..."

"Hush, baby..."

Thor's hand felt like a warm sheath, smooth and thrilling. The feeling of Thor's erection was more impressive but Loki had the weakness to feel a little pride with being the cause of Thor's pleasure more than the despicable vocal show in the bedrooms. The heat was starting to be unbearable, the scent of Thor's aroused body was beginning to be a little overwhelming. Maybe it was the smoke of pot Loki had inadvertently inhaled, but he felt as if he was losing his mind.

"It is so... so..."

"Hot ?"

"Yes," Loki panted. "But, it is... shameful..."

"Shameful, baby ?" Thor gave a harder caress and Loki softly gasped. "There is nothing shameful in this. I am yours. Are you mine ?" And with this he buried his face in Loki's neck, as if kissing or biting it. It gave Loki such a sharp bolt of pleasure he almost yelped. He had never felt anything like that, ever. And certainly not with Tony... Yet he didn't answer Thor's question.

"Thor, Thor..."

Loki's voice strangled. Thor was going faster and something was bound to happen.

"Thor, we can't..."

"I am so close, baby... You ?" Thor's voice was a grunt. He was moving faster and Loki couldn't control what was happening.

"Thor !" He had almost yelled and Thor covered his mouth with his free hand. And then he came in Thor's hand while Thor gave a heavy breath and came in turn. Loki's own hand was all wet.

"Yes, baby... Let go..."

Loki sighed and whimpered under Thor's palm. They calmed down and their rested their brows against each other, waiting for their hearts to grow calmer.

Loki fell asleep against Thor, as close as if they were lovers. He had no time to think about what had just occured, not even to worry about what his brothers would say if they found them together like that...