Chapter 6

The trip ended rather quickly and nothing of importance occurred besides the nightly "incident."

It seemed like no one had noticed nor talked about what had happened that night. Not even Thor, privately, with Loki, about why they had ended with their hands wrapped around each other's dicks…

Why, indeed ?

Loki had difficulties not to turn as red as a tomato, each time he remembered the feel of Thor's caresses. He couldn't even raise his head to meet Thor's eyes. Sometimes he even doubted it really happened for Thor remained the same, laughing, chatting with the boys and the girls, pretending to be interested in their inane babbling, trying to remain composed with their dubious humor.

Loki noticed a hidden tension in Thor's shoulder when Bill burst out with laughter, saying that he was worried Thor and Loki might catch "gay-ness" while sleeping together. It was a mean, homophobic thing to say, not very surprising coming from him. Loki knew he wanted to destabilize Thor, to make him nervous so he could have the upper hand on their underlying rivalry. Nevertheless, it gave Loki goosebumps. What if Bill knew … ?

Loki thought then that Thor would come to his senses and realized that whatever they had been doing was... sinful, obscene, unnatural, inappropriate, whatever. He was going to ignore Loki, the same way Tony had once he had had Loki. And he would be left, discarded, again.

Loki felt his eyes burn and his throat was starting to constrict, warning signs of a coming asthma crisis... He hated it, being so weak, powerless against all of this…

But Thor grabbed Loki's neck in a rough-and-tumble kind of way and declared that, hearing the mess Bill, Harry and the girls did almost every night they drank, their virility was in good shape and they didn't have to torment their pretty little heads about it.

Bill turned red, Harry smirked in a lopsided way (Loki knew his brother's body language for anger and embarrassment) and the girls oohed and aahed at Thor's daring reply. Everyone chose to laugh a but it was a sinister one. Loki thought that they were all a very pretty bunch of hypocrites…

Except that Loki also saw that glimmer of rage in Thor's eyes, the very same he had each time Bill was toeing the line…

And Loki had the dreadful feeling that he was going to pay for this antagonism…

They had to come home eventually and Loki felt that this was the last time he was going to be that close to Thor. His brothers' taunting might have had their effect and Thor would be more cautious around Loki now...

As he was alone in the backyard, placing the bags in the car trunk, sighing at the thought of his upcoming loneliness, he was brutally grabbed from behind and found himself pulled on Thor's chest in a powerful bear hug that almost took his breath away and woke up his asthma...

"I don't want to go..." Mumbled Thor in Loki's hair... "I don't want you to go... I want us to be together, always..."

Loki closed his eyes. Being in Thor's arms was like being wrapped in a warm blanket or a safe and muffled cocoon. It was so tempting to drown in this comfort, to forget everything in this warmth...

But they had their lives. They had to move on. Thor had his next match to plan and Loki, his final exams. Not to mention that Loki carried a heavy piece of luggage named "Tony" and another called "My Narrow-Minded Family." Loki had no idea how did Thor call his own suitcases but he must have one or two, like everyone else...

"We can't..." Murmured Loki. "Thor, please, let me go."

Thor only answered by covering Loki's mouth with his. It simply spread fire through to the tiniest of Loki's veins. Loki could have burst from the warmth. It was really unexpected. Each time Thor kissed him in this "I-am-taking-control-of-your-lips" way, Loki simply lost his mind. It sounded very cliché, but he had never felt something like this and certainly not with Tony. That thought made him sad somehow...

When Thor finally released his mouth, he sighed, resigned.

"All right, but I'll see you soon and how."

And the look on his eyes illustrated his determination perfectly. It made weird shivers down Loki's spine. Thor let him go with a sad smile and they had to resume their packing and loading.

Tony wanted to ask him why. Why was he doing this, why was he pursuing Loki, what was he seeing in Loki that was so mesmerizing but that no one seemed to see nor care, not even the one Loki had loved so much once ?

So many questions, so little answers...

Yet, on the way home, he had the vague feeling that there would be a "before this trip" and an "after this trip." That his relationship with Thor, whatever it was, had irremediably changed. For better or worse.

He didn't know that it wasn't the only thing that had changed for he was consumed in his own thought about Thor.

He hadn't noticed the weird look in his brothers' eyes, both directed at Thor.

Loki was busy for some time so he couldn't see Thor properly for weeks. Yet, time fled quickly. He managed to assist to Thor's football training between two lessons and cheered him on very sincerely.

He had a little jump of heart each time Thor turned around, all dirty and exhausted from his exertions but managed a wink through the shield of his helmet. A wink Loki knew was meant only for him but some of the girls in the audience, especially the most cheeky cheerleaders, thought were for themselves. Loki had a sort of pang in his chest when of those dolled-up silly brats started to shriek at Thor. That was weird indeed.

They met at the refectory, they sat together but as there were always witnesses, mostly Loki's brothers and their usual retinue of witless lackeys and chattering pom-pom girls, they couldn't talk properly. Thor appeared close to Loki but not much. He, too, was cautious.

Loki knew it was only circumstances that forced them to leave it at that. Nonetheless, he felt a longing that was almost similar to the one he used to feel about Tony.

One evening, Bill and Harry gave Loki that same weird look he didn't notice. It was a little baleful. They asked him how was Thor, since they were so good friends, so close buddies now... Loki answered that Thor was fine, thank you very much, for all he could tell presently. They were really annoying with this. They wanted to pressure Loki into giving personal pieces of information about Thor, information that Loki was definitively not going to give them, ever.

In between their own preoccupations, the parents noticed the unusual tension in their sons' attitude towards each other. Any realtionship had been non-existent and now it was loaded with an unknown menace. But, knowing the Laufeyson, it was quickly forgotten with a shot of brandy and the next shopping spree.

And yet, Loki had not realized any of it for all he was thinking about was Thor. And even THAT he had not truly realized...

Had he been a little more conscious of his surroundings and what was happening around him at that time, maybe a lot of troubles and heartbreaks for him and Thor could have been prevented.

Or maybe not, who knows ?

One morning Loki woke up in an ambiguous mood.

He had dreamed that Thor had climbed up his bedroom window with a ladder (without a noise which was impossible in real life, the roof tiles being squeaky at the slightest whiff of wind), had tiptoed to his bed and taken Loki into his arms.

The rest was very confusing. A mixture of heat, Thor's strange growling, like the one of an animal, his mouth on Loki's throat and his weight on Loki's body, crushing him but not in a painful way. Loki's hushed pleadings for Thor to stop... And Loki brutal flash of pleasure that was the mortifying proof that he had had a wet dream about his current best friend.

He still wasn't sure he loved Thor, he still thought of Tony now and then. But the dream had been disturbingly vivid and even... highly pleasurable.

He missed Thor, that was for sure. Probably wanted him even, though that he wasn't completely sure. Whether he loved him or not was a different matter.

And at the end of the month, things got easier for them. Summer was coming. That meant freedom, possibility of seeing each other more often...

As if they were sharing a telepathic bound, they both acted the same way.

They kept seeing each other in public with their usual bunch of "friends" sort of. Thor had his own posse of admirers, both male and female, both annoyed with Nerdy Loki's constant presence and the fact that he seemed definitively to be Thor's favorite. Most of them were renown leeches that used to bow to his brothers. They wouldn't even have noticed Loki's presence and they had to right now. Thor was polite and amiable to everyone, whatever their reasons to come close to him, but no one took Loki's place in his affections and trust. The fact that they had traded sides for Thor said a lot about his brothers' current level of popularity.

Thor was the up and coming force while Harry and Bill were starting to go down.

That wasn't boding well...

Then, at the end of may, Loki was a little more free. The house was more or less empty. His parents were off to a spa. Loki had to hide a laugh seeing his father's face when his mother announced him she had booked the hotel for a weekend to rest and do sightseeing. That was the kind of thing he considered as a "woman thing."

Bill was at his current girlfriend's because it was "closer to the training camp." Harry spent his whole day at the gym and at his friends' for "decompressing."

Loki stayed at home, reading, studying, drinking his favorite tea and listening to music. It was quite enjoyable. And then he heard the ding of his phone telling him he had received a text. Probably Mom.

It was Thor. "Miss U so much. Where R U ?"

Loki replied "Home alone." He hesitated then added " Wanna come ?"

He felt the familiar shiver of dread, excitement and fear under his skin. He called himself insane. He was going to be in trouble, big time. He had just invited the wolf in the log cabin.

But he couldn't help it.

Thor arrived ten minutes later. Five minutes after it, he was settled quite comfortably on Mrs. Laufeyson's brand new leather sofa, a beer in his hand and quietly eyeing his prey whose porcelain-like skin went rosy and not because of the drink.

"What are you looking at ?" Loki laughed. He tried to make the atmosphere lighter but he was definitively nervous. Scared even. He insulted himself for the umpteenth time for being such a fool and letting him in of all people. Thor kept following him with his eyes while drinking in the same time.

"You. I am looking at you. Been a long time since I could look at you without all these jerks around to spy on our private business."

Loki made a giggle that was a little forced.

"Come, baby. I missed you so much."

And quickly he set the bottle on the coffee table, grabbed Loki's waist and made him sit on his knees. Loki found himself with Thor's arms around him, his chest on Thor's and Thor's scratchy beard on his neck.

"Thor, please..."

Thor was caressing him all over, pulling his shirt out of his jeans so that he could feel more skin. Loki was both thrilled and terrified. He was losing control of the situation.

"Mmmh, baby, you feel so good..."

Loki trembled. Thor's rumble was almost vibrating inside him. It was so easy to give up. So easy to let Thor set the pace. For some reason, Loki trusted Thor.

He realized then that he had never trusted Tony. Not entirely.

And before Loki knew it he was answering Thor's caresses, shyly running his hands on the large shoulders and broad back. Was it the normal way to love someone at least physically ? To touch, yes, but also being touched ? To have your kisses returned ? Loki had a sick feeling in his stomach. If that was what should be considered as normal, what the hell had Tony done to him ?

Then brutally, Loki broke the kiss, pushed Thor away and rose from the sofa. He felt as if on the brink of vomiting on his mother's precious Persian rug. He felt violated by this brutal awakening. How could he have been so stupid ? So naive ?

"Loki ? Love ? What's wrong ?"

Loki felt the tears without feeling himself crying. He had been more than betrayed. He had been used and abused. Tony had planned everything probably from the beginning. Or perhaps not. He had simply taken the opportunity because he had seen Loki the lovestruck, silly little goose. The good piece of cake... So easy to take. He had not even the decency to... to...

"Baby ! Baby, don't cry, please ! Baby, I am so sorry, please calm down !"

Loki was swimming, his head coming and going at the mercy of contradictory and violent thoughts. He was not hearing Thor anymore. He had forgotten about his once dominant presence. All he heard was a distant babbling and that he was being forced to sit again on the sofa.

"I thought you were in the mood, baby. I swear, that's all ! I didn't want you to..."

"I have been raped."

Thor froze instantly. The voice seemed to come from under a grave. He wasn't even sure it was Loki speaking if he had not seen the trembling thin lips move under the shine of the tears.

"I was in love with him... He was my friend... I thought he was my only friend... And he raped me."

Thor could feel his heartbeat getting into a crazy race. His blood was rushing to his ears full speed. Who ? What ? How could it be ? What the hell ?

"He said... If I didn't... He said... If I said no, he wouldn't..."

Thor had to muster all his will to put a lid of iron on his mounting anger, his need to scream, to demand... But he bit his tongue quite hard and forced himself to silence. He had to. Loki needed to talk first and this was bad business... Very bad.

Someone had hurt his Loki.

Someone would pay. Whoever he might be. That was Thor Odinson's word.

Some minutes after, though they felt like centuries, Thor managed to get to most of the story. Loki had been in love with some rich asshole jerk. Said rich asshole jerk had pressured him for sex. Loki had been a virgin with very little knowledge of gay sex, or rather, very little knowledge of sex in general and the rules of consent in particular. Now, everything was clear. It explained the state Loki was in when Thor had met him...

Thor was ready to shed blood.

Between sobs and incoherent moaned phrases, Thor tried to make Loki say the name of the future corpse. But Loki screamed that he would rather die than saying the name of that guy aloud ever again.

Or rather because he knew what Thor was capable of if Loki ever spilled the beans.

"I'll never... Why would you want to know anyway ? It doesn't concern you..."

Thor pressed his mouth tightly and his nose started to wrinkle. That made him look practically like a pit bull. Hell, it didn't concern him... But he chose to calm down.

"Well, before I castrate him and make him eat his willy and his own balls with barbecue sauce in front of all of his friends, I would like to have the decency to know his name."

Loki opened his mouth in shock.

"One doesn't want to be rude..."

Thor had said the last phrase with a perfect posh imitation of his own mother.

It worked. Loki looked at him with round, reddish and wet green eyes then burst out laughing. And then cry some more, and then laughed again.

"You are a fool."

Thor made a very large and goofy smile but what he really wanted to say was "You just told me that the boy I am madly in love with has been raped by someone that should have loved him back and protected him and I am being the fool here ?"

But he said nothing and simply hugged his shivering beloved. Thor wished he had met Loki sooner. He would have protected him with his life. Even if it meant going against the treacherous pig that Loki used to love. Probably loved still...

Thor painfully realized that, whatever had drawn Loki to him, it wasn't love. At least not the kind of love he had for the one that betrayed him.

For what he understood of the whole thing, Loki was not responsible for this situation. He had no control on his feelings. It was not something he could will out and Thor had no say in it. Yet, it didn't mean that there was no hope left for Loki and him.

Thor had to swallow his pride and carry on. There was no other options left.

"Want me to leave, baby ? Want to have some peace to think ?"

He was leaving the choice to Loki, allowing him a decent way out without any hard feelings.

Loki sighed. He felt empty. The burden he had been carrying alone for so long was gone. He was light and dizzy. All of a sudden, loneliness didn't seem so good any more. Thor knew. Thor was the only one to know besides Loki and... the one who hurt Loki. All of a sudden, Thor was all he asked for.

"No... I want you to stay right now."

"I need you" was not something Loki was ready to say yet.

"Anything you want, baby..." Thor answered.

Loki silently spread himself on the sofa. Thor helped him rest his head on his knees and his legs to lay on the free space of the couch. Loki sighed and closed his eyes.

Thor wanted to keep him awake. They had to have a serious talk. Loki had been the victim here and the other one was roaming free, whoever he was. They HAD to do something...

But not now... Not when Loki was so peaceful at last, when his features were not carrying this discreet tension any more.

They had remained a little while and probably Loki had fallen asleep a bit. When he opened his eyes, they hadn't moved at all.

"You've been there all this time ? Didn't you get cramps or something ?" Loki asked rising from Thor's knees.

"It's all right, baby, you seemed to sleep good. I didn't want to disturb you. Not like there is somewhere else better to stay than here with you."

He caressed a lock on Loki's brow.

Then what Loki felt at this touch was hunger.

He wanted Thor, right here and now. On him. In him.

It was burning inside him like a furnace. Thor's fair and soft true blond skin, blue eyes, full lips and golden beard. Thor was the one thing he desired most in the world. He was literally an anchor Loki wanted to grab and never let go. It was scary but too strong to deny.

"Stay with me." Loki breathed.

Thor opened his eyes wide. He had sensed the change in Loki but couldn't believe it was real.

"You sure, baby ? I don't want you to feel..."

Pressured, he wanted to say.

Loki was desperate. Ready to cry again.

"Of course, I am sure !" He was about to stomp his foot and do a desperate tantrum like a little boy. "By god, Thor ! Hold me, kiss me, grab me, do me, whatever ! Just do something !"

Thor made a low throaty growl.

"Where's your bedroom ?"

Loki pointed upstairs. Thor made another growl and hauled up Loki in his arms. Loki, out of reflex, hang on Thor's neck and surrounded Thor's waist with his legs, as if trying to climb a large tree.

They went up the stairs to the room that way.

They had tumbled on Loki's bed, ripping each others' clothes in a frenzy. Loki was not thinking straight and, for once, it was heavenly. Thor was all that mattered. He just let it go, maybe for the first time in his life. It was simply perfect.

But then, he was technically speaking stark naked on the rumpled bed sheet. Looming over him, like a golden eagle over a tiny rabbit, was standing an equally naked Thor.

More like a lion, for his usually tidy blond hair was now making a sort of messy yellow mane. Loki had completely ruined his hairdo by roughly combing it with his hands.

Either way, lion or eagle, he was now a predator and the most beautiful one Loki had ever seen.

Every part of his highly trained body displayed discipline and efforts, bruises and scars but also perfectly sculpted muscles, a weird idealization of the male body. Loki was attracted to virility but Thor was a sort of super-virility, something too big for him. He wanted to grab the sheet and hide himself but, now, it was too late...

Thor would certainly be mad about this rejection and...

Loki shook his head to fight his own thoughts. Probably, Thor had guessed what was going on in his head.

"Baby, we go on, we stop, we continue... It's yours to say..."

Loki shyly examined him.

"It's just... You're... Are you sure you won't be angry if...?"

"If you say no ?" Completed Thor. "Baby, you have every right to say no. Although..." He undulated like a snake on Loki's shivering limbs. "If you let me do it my way, you'll be screaming lots of yesses..."

Loki smiled. Again, Thor had a way with things and anyways, Loki could feel himself burning again on the lightest of Loki's touch.

"Go on, then..." Loki smiled to hide his embarrassment...

Thor's hands everywhere, his mouth on his, his skin covering his...

"Has anyone taken you into their mouth ?"

Loki was in a blur but he hear this clearly. He shook his head to say no. He was so hot, his hair was sticking to his brow and he was almost out of breath.

Being with Thor was like fighting in the water and swimming against the sea.

He then felt Thor's wet and warm mouth around him. He gasped.

Thor played with him for what seemed like hours. Licking, scratching, almost biting, sucking, taking, sucking...

"Noooo ! Please ! Please, wait !"

"What ? What's wrong ?"

Loki could not turn more red than he actually was...

"I... I think if you go on, I will..."

Thor, sweaty, flushed and radiant made him a proud smirk.

"Alright, baby... Then can I have you now ?"

Loki felt a brief pang of fear. Yet, he didn't want to linger any longer on what had happened to him. As Thor said, his body was his to give or keep.

And he wanted to know how it felt to have Thor inside of him.

"You will be gentle ?"

Loki sounded ridiculous to his ears but he needed to know.

Thor made his goofy grimace.

"Extra gentle with cherry on top..."

Indeed, he was. Loki, once again, refused to even think about his horrible previous experiences. But it was hard not to compare Thor's extraordinary care, his diligence with his mouth, his talented fingers that softly opened Loki's body with the clinical nothingness he had endured.

Thor took all his time. Loki was embarrassed because it seemed as if Thor was looking for something in his body.

Then a bolt of brutal pleasure literally struck and he let out a huge gasp. Thor stifled a laugh.

"Meet your prostate, baby. The very thing that I am going to make you scream with !"

Loki sneered.

"You jerk..."

Loki wanted to hide. He couldn't be more naked, more displayed, more open... And yet more ready to deliver himself, body and soul.

"Can I now, baby ?" Thor murmured. "It looks like you're ready."

Loki nodded though he was not so sure. One glimpse at the space between Thor's thigh and he had guessed this was going to be a serious business. But Thor was considerate to his well-being so everything would be fine... Hopefully.

More or less... Loki let a little sob. Thor was big, bigger than... He was penetrating slowly, with an excruciating softness. Loki felt possessed, utterly owned for the first time. This time, because he had wanted it.

He felt a tear or two... He didn't mind but Thor did.

"Sweetie, if it's too much..."

But Loki again shook his head.

"No, I'm okay... Just... Be kind to me."

"Always."

Loki panted. Thor then stopped.

"There, baby. I am fully in. Now, I am going to move, okay ?"

Loki clenched his teeth. This hardness coming and going... Forcing his flesh, almost. He was disappointed at first. He didn't feel much except the intrusion. It was starting to feel exactly like it used to be with Tony.

Then, a tiny echo, a faint touch. Loki started to perceive a change that followed Thor's movements. Faster and faster, it grew. It went relentlessly, Loki had no control over it. He couldn't stop it even if he wanted to.

He grabbed Thor's shoulders for dear life. This was new. This was powerful and demanding. He heard his own moaning before he knew he was making them.

"Yeah, baby. Come for me."

Thor went in and out, increasing the pace. Holding back though the temptation to be rough was strong. Loki needed this, Loki needed all the time in the world...

"Thor ! I'm close ! I'm..."

Loki struggled for air, the feeling was now totally in him.

Until it finally happened. Loki didn't scream but whimpered in Thor's shoulder while Thor bit his.

They lazily woke up, tangled in their own arms and legs and the ruined bed covers. It was mid-afternoon, but the sun was still shining bright through the curtains. Loki could hear the birds and the neighbor mowing the lawn.

It was so peaceful he wished neither of them would leave the bed and the day would never end.

"Mmh, morning baby... Feeling good ?"

Loki smiled and nodded. Too tired and relaxed to talk. It was perfect.

Thor gave him a lazy-morning kiss.

"I wanna fresh up, baby. Want me to bring you a beer ?"

Loki closed his eyes and nodded again. Thor went to the attending bathroom, stark naked in his pure Texan shamelessness and perfection. Loki couldn't help being very interested in the sight. He stretched himself fully on the bed and gazed dreamily at the ceiling fan. Life was good.

Then he heard a bang and Thor swearing. Loki stood up instantly and he saw Thor at the door, still naked, beers in hand and looking very nervous.

"What ?" Loki asked. "What was it ? What's wrong ?"

Thor looked at him, worried.

"I don't know... I... Must be the wind, it slammed a window shut."

Loki breathed. He had felt his heart jump at the noise.

"No matter, come to bed..."

Loki invited him by patting the place next to him. They both settled comfortably, beers in hand, naked and perfectly happy.

Deep inside, Loki tried to shut a tiny voice that kept saying that he had made sure that all the doors and windows were closed this morning.

Definitively closed.