Chapter 8
Loki had been in a blank for several minutes before his heart finally came back to a normal rhythm. It had felt like a crazy machine-gun and a coming asthma crisis was showing its ugly head.
He had grabbed his medicine and willed himself back to full control. It had felt almost impossible.
His first reaction had been to think about Thor, to phone him. But he was afraid now of staying in his own room. It was soiled, now. Degraded. He didn't feel safe in it anymore.
The fact that someone, anyone, could have taken a picture of him and Thor while… Who ? WHO ?! Who could do such an utter, disgustingly intrusive thing ? Who could send it like that as if it was so casual ? Who could act this way and hope not to get caught ever ?
Loki felt lonely and vulnerable. As raped as he used to be when Tony had abused him.
And Thor was the only redeeming thing in his mind.
He grabbed his laptop, terrified that anyone could see it. It was absurd as mails could be so easily tracked down. He didn't care, he didn't think. He needed Thor, that was the only thing for sure.
He had driven like a madman though he was in a residential area. He almost hit Mrs. Bachman's crazy dog. The woman was a hag but her dog was fun. This rang an alarm bell in Loki's head that he was going insane and dangerous. He had to get things back under control or do something he would always regret...
Arrived at Thor's door, he scared Mrs. Odinson who thought he was having a panic attack right on her doorstep (which he was actually). She screamed her son's name and Thor came in seconds, grabbed Loki and made him sit on the sofa. Looking in Loki's eyes, he knew they needed to be alone. He calmly asked to his mom to leave, that he would deal with Loki himself. Mother and son communicated on an almost telepathic level. She knew it was bad but that Thor would make it alright.
And if he couldn't, he would be sensible enough to call her for help.
Yet, the sight of Loki, looking tinier and fragile as ever in her son's big arms was not very reassuring.
It appeared Thor had received exactly the same photo. He had tried to trace back the mail only to be lost in a dead alley of false accounts and phony computers. Thor wanted to crash the bloody device. To hunt and kill the perverse peeping tom that turned his brave and dignified Loki into a terrified pile of hysterical jell-o.
His love. His bleeding, terrified heart who'd been through so much already and was now back into hell head first.
"Thor, I am so sorry, so sorry..." Loki babbled pacing Thor's bedroom up and down. "So sorry to drag you into all this, you don't deserve this. But who ? Who the hell did this ?! I was sure everything was locked up and now... How could anyone …? Oh god ! Oh God ! It's my goddamn fault !"
Thor had to grab him and pull him to his chest as he used to each time Loki was nervous or worried or in need of a hug. Loki was badly breathing and if Thor was not taking back control of the situation it would be back to the hospital for Loki. But even in this firm and protective embrace, Loki was still raving and ranting like a madman and shaking like a leave.
"I can't" He whined. "I can't do this anymore ! I just can't ! You should run away, Thor, you should leave me. I won't mind ! I'll deal with it but, please, I'm a wreck and don't get involved more than you already are, I'll destroy you ! I'll drag you down ! That's not what I want, but it is going to happen ! I will and I ..."
"LOKI, I LOVE YOU AND SHUT UP JUST FOR ONE SECOND !"
That did shut Loki up. He remained there, mouth opened and eyes huge, almost panting and wheezing. Thor was really sorry for raising his voice in such a time but he had no time to loose and major damage control to do.
He grabbed the pale face in his both hands and looked straight in the big green lights. He wanted his point to be crystal clear.
"I love you, you hear me ? I'm not expecting you to love me back and I'm okay with it. And it's okay if you don't or won't. But I still love you and I am certainly not going to run away like a coward."
He was real close to Loki's face almost to the point of kissing him but he wouldn't do it before Loki understood how serious he was.
"We're in it together, we'll face it together. Do you know why it was sent ? The real reason besides freaking us out like crazy ? "
Loki shook his head to a negative response.
"They want to make us part. I've already seen that happened to a girlfriend of mine and her own girl lover. They spy on us, find us disgusting and try to terrorize us 'for our own good'" Thor made the quotation marks with his hands. "So that we fit back 'into the right tracks'" He mimicked the marks again and then grabbed Loki's neck in a more gentle gesture. "I love you. I am staying with you. I will fuck your brains out right here and now if necessary and then fuck you again until the whole neighborhood hear us and see us rutting like animals and you coming like a space rocket."
Loki went red. The idea of public sex and "coming like a space rocket" was a brutal erotic change from his total despair. It both aroused and scandalized him.
"So." Thor continued in a calmer tone. "I am not going to leave you. Not now. Whoever send that crap would be so happy if I did. It would show them they were right about us. We stick together, baby. Now, more than ever."
They let a minute of silence pass by. Loki felt as if he could breathe again. He could breathe forever with Thor's warm hands on his neck. He closed his eyes and Thor took advantage to give him a very sharp and demanding kiss.
Loki could finally sigh out of relief and safety in Thor's arms.
"Feeling better, baby ?" asked Thor, while still holding Loki on his chest and gently rocking him.
"Mmh-mmh." Loki nodded.
Loki felt again Thor's heart on his. Its soft and deep rhythm, once again, soothing Loki's own. He felt heavy and drained out on Thor's shoulder, his head resting on his boyfriend, his anchor, his lover... They remained silent and content in each other's embrace.
Thor thought Loki might have dozed off when he heard words spoken so low they were almost inaudible.
"I love you, too..." Loki murmured. "I do..."
Minutes later, Mrs. Odinson spotted her son carrying his boyfriend up the stairs like a groom, his bride.
Seconds only after they locked themselves in the room, (she was displeased hearing the click of the lock) she heard a characteristic sound. The regular bumping of a headboard, indicating to all asunder that her eldest son was indulging himself into bedroom "activities" with his boyfriend. In her house, right in the middle of the day, while she was still present and just before her other children came back from school. She didn't know which one of these big no-nos infuriated her the most.
Yet, hearing a faint aerial moan that didn't come from her son's mouth and knowing what was going on for them both, she chose to say nothing.
Because, right here and now, that probably what they needed.
They had remained naked in bed until they heard Thor's younger brothers joyous chatting down the hall. Usually, hearing his brothers coming home from school was a happy sound to Thor. Now it was just remembering him that there was a real world outside his bedroom and that it was beckoning. A frigging bore.
Loki had to wake up and they had to get dressed. They couldn't allow any of Thor's under aged siblings to see his naked boyfriend. The Odinson's house was a rather open-minded one but there was definitely limits where minors were concerned.
Plus, Thor and Loki had to have a conversation with Thor's parents. And it wasn't going to be agreeable...
A few minutes later, after greetings the kids, helping them to cookies and milk with Thor's Mom, Mr. Odinson was back from the office. He was a little surprise to see Loki so late in the evening. He had just left Loki's Dad and told Loki so, smiling. He realized that his wife, son and son's boyfriend looked paled and worried and that Loki didn't want to talk about his dad at all...
The four of them waited until each boy settled in their respective rooms (Thor had his own but his siblings were divided into two bedrooms), doing their homework or playing games, and had the conversation.
Thor was red and Loki even redder when they had to show the picture to Otto...
They felt raped.
Otto considered it without a word and muttered a curse under his breath.
"This is bad, boys." He finally said. "Judging from the angle the picture was taken, that person was very close to Loki's window. Enough to have a very clear view. It could even be a drone..."
"Maybe." Loki added. "But the tree under my window is rather large and easy to climb. I've thought about it. He could have hid in the higher branches without the neighbors or us seeing or hearing anything. A drone would have been spotted..."
"Either way." Said Mrs. Odinson. "This is a highly dangerous person and we should call the police !"
Loki blanched.
"No ! Please ! We can't"
"Loki..." Mr. Odinson started.
"NO !" Loki brutally cut, desperate. "You don't know how these people are ! If they knew... You don't know my family !"
Mr. and Mrs. Odinson gave Loki a look that clearly meant they had a perfect picture of who his parents were.
"Loki..." Pursued Mrs. Odinson. "Believe me, we don't want our son's privacy and yours exposed like this but... This is a crime ! You are both in danger ! What if..."
"NO ! NO ! NO !" Loki screamed and held his head with both hands.
The police. The officers smirking and making disgusting comments on Loki and Thor together. Laughing at him and Thor and their parents. Spitting at everything that was good and pure in his life, everything that was Thor and him...
"Please..." He softly begged. His breath was becoming ragged again. He couldn't bear it anymore...
Thor, tears in his eyes, came to him and held him.
"Please, Mom..." Thor said. "We need to think. We cannot go to the police like that... At least, not before Loki and I had talked to Loki's parents."
Loki raised his head and looked at Thor with monstrous eyes.
"You cannot..." He breathed.
Thor held his head in his own hands, the same way he did earlier in the afternoon.
"Baby, we need to file a claim ASAP. But we need to tell your parents first. I don't want them to know about us like this, right in front of the cops and seeing the picture unprepared. We need to get out of the closet, baby, we cannot hide anymore, even if we wanted to..."
Loki was literally falling apart.
"They'll throw me out." He murmured. "They couldn't stand the shame of having a gay son... They'll ruin your parents for good measure."
"Not that I wouldn't be glad to be back in Houston..." Shrugged Otto. Freya nodded. This little incident had cut their enthusiasm for the place.
"Baby..." Thor started.
"They'll cast me out... And college hasn't even started yet ..." Loki was ashamed to sound so whiny. But it was the entire truth. Larry and Nathalie would throw him out of the house the minute he would have pronounced the G-word and he would be left to care for himself all alone.
"Look, dearie," Freya interrupted. "If this came to happen, you would be welcome into this family. It is not the first time we would have helped someone in this situation."
Indeed, when one of Thor's classmates turned out to be gay and had tried to tell his parents only to be thrown out of his own house, Freya and Otto had taken him in for a while. The boy's grandfather had then intervened, publicly disowned the shameful parents and taken the boy in New York to live with him.
Loki was surprised but it wasn't really reassuring.
"Baby, look, let's wait a bit, okay ? Until we graduate and go to college. There is only a month left. Until then, we'll find a way and be careful. You good ?"
Loki agreed. He knew they were buying time but it was better than to go right here and now publicly and ruin everything. He nodded. This was only running away.
But the alternative sounded even worse than a stalker harassing them.
Otto and Freya remained silent but shared a grim look that clearly expressed what they felt.
Loki had spent hours examining the picture. It had been taken one of these afternoons when the house was empty. It was very bright, meaning that the weather had been very good this day. Yet it didn't help about the moment it was taken for the sun had been up and shiny for a long while. As they were naked, Loki had no indication about what they were wearing that day that could have helped. A rather fresh bruise the shape of a pear on Thor's thigh, the result of an accidental blow during training, indicated yet that the photo was fairly recent, maybe a week old. The bruise had just started fading.
But apart from that, there was no clue whatsoever...
A drone, Freya Odinson had suggested. It sounded too much like a spy novel to Loki. He was quite sure, judging from the picture, that the perpetrator had taken it from the big branch, close to his window. Loki had climbed that tree so many times, when he was younger, he knew all the good places to hide there and see everything. He used that same branch to spy on his brothers when his room used to be theirs before his parents built an extension to the house.
Loki had not so many suspects. He was quite sure him and Thor had been extra careful. Thor might have enemies. He was popular, he was very much liked, he was kind, fun and talented. He could have attracted jealousy. Loki laid his money on someone on the football team. Except that none would have been bright enough to come to all this trouble... The harassing part, however... But how could have they planned the computer blurring ? Loki snorted. He wasn't sure they even knew how to type correctly...
Concerning Loki ? Could it be that he had "enemies" ?
In the tiny, puny world of the rich neighborhood kids, compared to his brothers, or even to Tony or Thor, Loki didn't weigh much. He was the "weird one," "the nerd", the haughty little genius no one appreciated nor liked. As Loki had had a Gothic period, he had been rumored to be a satanist during middle school. It hadn't helped making him a better reputation.
Yes, despised, he was. Feared ? Maybe. Detested enough to be bullied ? Probably. But to elaborate such a complicated plan ? Loki's worst opponents used to prefer the "direct approach," punching him in a discreet location. Or, defeat him publicly in some scholar competition for the ones who actually had a brain. Which was the only tactic Loki had some respect for. But stalking ? None of the more intelligent ones had a taste for this undignified kind of things. Loki had to grant them that. They had the means and the nous but not the evil. The others might have said evil and the means but certainly not the nous...
So none was fitting the profile. It had to be someone with tools and sufficient gray cells, time on his hands and money. Loki had a tendency to agree with Thor. It wasn't someone who had a grudge either with Thor or Loki. Whoever he (or she, it definitely could be a she...) was, he (or she) hated them both and wanted them apart, or ruined or whatever...
Actually there was someone who perfectly fitted the profile.
Yet, in remembrance of whatever they had together, Loki couldn't bear it the idea that he could be him. He hoped against all hopes that this person wasn't that vile, that hateful to do something so disgusting...
Loki thought for a while, then took a deep breath and dialed Tony's number.
They were in Loki's room, standing against each other. There had been much yelling but they had finally calmed down. Tony was massaging his temples. He looked seriously distressed and outraged at the accusation but Loki wasn't sure of anything anymore.
"For the last time, Loki, IT. WASN'T. ME ! You really think I could be such a goddamn coward ?!"
Loki gave him a significant look.
"Okay, okay..." Conceded Tony. "I am a coward for many reasons, I admit it. But not for this Loki, I swear !"
Loki glared at him.
"I swear ! Yes, I regret what I did to you, what I did to my girl... I lost you both and I have to live with that. But this ?! What would be the purpose of this ?!"
Loki shrugged.
"I don't know, take a pick ! Revenge against me, against Thor, against us both ? Trying to get Thor to dump me and then playing the white knight in his shiny armor to win me back..."
Tony made a weird expression Loki immediately recognized.
"You thought about it..."
"Yes." Tony quickly said. "Yes, I admit I thought about ways to send Johnny Football Hero away so I could have a chance to have you back. But not this, Loki, I swear ! And anyway, I abandoned any plans quite fast... I mean... You and him ? Joined at the hip practically. There is not one shred of a chance for me concerning you."
He opened his hands as a gesture of good faith.
"It's true, Loki. I am not doing an 'I-am-a-different-person' crap on you. I am being sincere for once. I might be capable of many nasty things but this ?" He pointed towards the infamous photo. "This is pure shit. I don't want to be part of anything like this. I have my pride ! At least, give me that."
Loki pondered this for a bit and then nodded. Something in Tony's tone was unusual. Something that sounded like the truth. He chose then to believe Tony.
"Look." Tony said again rising up. "As a proof of my good faith, let me do this for you. I will chase down that mail and found where it had been sent and even written. You know I have the capacities for it..."
That was right, Tony's father had made a fortune working with the army and other high-level services.
"Okay..." Loki softly said. "Anything you can learn."
Tony sighed and looked at Loki straight in the eyes. It had a feeling of definite goodbyes.
"You know, I really tried..."
"Tony, please..."
"No seriously... If Johnny and you, you don't... well..."
"Get out, Tony !"
Loki ushered him out without real anger and they parted on good terms.
One week passed. Only three left before graduation and the final announcement. Loki was rehearsing it, trying to find the right approach to say to your mom and dad that you like to screw boys.
It would be a hell raiser...
Loki was dallying, trying to avoid the truth. Praying that the creep had forgotten about them both. Hoping against all hope that it would come to an end in itself.
As if.
Yet nothing had happened and still no news from Tony. It was straining. Like waiting for the other shoe to drop.
The worst being that, despite all their determination not to change anything in their lives, Loki and Thor were less carefree and seeing each other less often, less privately. Maybe, the fact of the big season match didn't help. Thor was totally immersed in it. He had given a sad little smile of apology to Loki across the field during training. Loki had smiled back. He missed Thor badly but he understood.
He felt lonely now, though. And fed up, big time.
Every time something good happened to him, lo and behold, it was ruined by fate or humankind. He was sick and tired of it. He felt like a terrified rabbit waiting for the hunter to show up and shoot and probably, that was what the stalker hoped him to be.
He wanted to stop waiting like a martyr for the next blow. He wanted to take action and strike back. His only hope was Tony. Only he could give him a clue.
In the meanwhile he was sad and lonely.
One night, he was browsing for a research paper, his heart heavy when he heard a rattling on the window. He almost had a heart attack, thinking that the stalker had finally climbed the tree to invade his bedroom.
It was Thor, standing on the big branch like Robin Hood on Maid Marian's balcony, grinning like a fool his usual dashing smile.
Loki opened his window, both wanting to kiss or smash the fool.
"What are you doing here ? You'll be spotted for a thief !"
"Am I not a thief ? I have come to steal a kiss !"
"Stop joking, you idiot !" Loki was angry saying that but his heart was fluttering just the same.
Nonetheless, he kissed his lover while trying not to make him lose his balance.
"Three weeks left, my love, and we're out of all of this..." Thor murmured.
"Three weeks left..." Nodded Loki. "I love you."
And then Thor disappeared in a rustling of leaves. As discreet as an evening breeze. Loki felt better than he had in ages.
Despite the vague feeling of being observed... Except that there was no one around.
The following morning was a sunday and nothing new occurred. Loki was wondering how he was going to spend the day and whether Thor could be free from training.
He was idly looking at the view from his mother's living room when his phone rang. He had hoped for Thor but it was Tony. Loki grimaced, he was not ready for that yet. He answered. He had to.
"Tony ?"
"Listen, Loki." Tony's muffled voice came. "I managed to track it down. It wasn't easy at all, the bastard's a tricky one but I used unusual means so ..."
Loki rolled his eyes. Trust Tony Stark to show off and not to care about wasted time.
"Anyways, long story short, I found something... And it's not good..."
Loki was about to ask question when an angry voice shouted from up the stairs.
"Loki ! Come here right now !"
His father. He was in his office and his yelling unabled Loki to understand what was being said.
"Tony, I gotta go ! Talk to you later !" Loki was furious to reject Tony like that but he couldn't hear and deal with his father in the same time. While he was jumping up the stairs, he still heard Tony's voice.
"Loki ! Wait ! The mail ! It's from your home ! It came from your place !"
Loki had no time to ask Tony what he was talking about.
He was standing in his father's office, Larry Laufeyson was holding his laptop, his face violet with rage, his eyes bulging, almost ready to crack and break down. Loki turned instantly into stone, seeing the screen.
"What the fuck is this fucking shit !?" Screamed his father at the top of his lungs.
On the screen was the photograph of him and Thor and Loki couldn't help in this utter disaster to think that Thor was indeed handsome. Everything was lost anyway, so why not indulge in Thor's image one last time ?
Above the picture was the flashing, blood-red caption...
FAGGOTS. FAGGOTS. FAGGOTS.