Chapter 9
It was a strange feeling.
As if being caught in the eye of the storm, seeing the lightning and the clouds and the smoke moving slowly in a calm twirl and be at the center of it, safe and in danger at the same time, being both part of it and watching it from afar. In any case, unable to escape...
It was horror in a sense that his worst fears had become a reality. It was despair as he knew this was the end of his former life (for it was impossible to remain as it used to be from now on). But it was also relief. Utter relief for his daily anguish had come to an end.
There was nothing to fear any more, the worst had already occurred.
Loki was almost glad for it.
His father was purple now and had a drop of saliva at the corner of his mouth. He was screaming like a banshee and Loki wondered how could he know so much offensive terms to describe an homosexual individual ? That was a little strange for a man self-asserting so proudly as straight...
Loki was amazed for he was the target of this verbal abuse (and seeing the way his father was clenching his fists, it could turn physical...), an abuse worst than anything he had previously endured, and curiously he was perfectly at ease, perfectly serene. As if it was happening to someone else.
Indeed, there was not much he could do but wait for the storm to pass.
Next to his father, his mother was sobbing in a handkerchief, whining continuously and actually praying the Virgin to "save that lost boy's soul." That was unusual for his mother to go all religious in seconds. The shock probably made her see Jesus after all... Loki didn't care either. He had no need to be saved except from this pair of wackos...
Loki woke up from his state of shock when his father stopped his raging babbling to sound concerned and even hopeful.
"Only... Only if this blonde fag... It's that bitch right ? That motherfucker... That's it ! That faggot dragged you into this ! It has to be ! No son of mine could be a queer on his own ! It's Odinson's bastard whore of a son ! He fucking seduced you ! He took advantage of my innocent boy..."
Loki remained mute for a tiny second, he couldn't believe what he was hearing right now. Was his father deliberately accusing Thor of having debauched his son ? Loki could have laughed at the irony. Actually, Thor wasn't the guilty party... But Loki couldn't tell his father that it was his best bro's kid, actually, Howard Stark the Magnificent's only son, Tony, who was responsible for such a thing. The much admired and not-so-admirable Tony Stark himself ! Loki had a mind to tell him so his dear father could open his eyes to reality and realize that the Stark he praised so much were not so pure either... But Loki still cared a bit for Tony. He wasn't the one who send these photos and he had tried to help Loki, actually...
But for his Thor to be so unjustly accused, Loki could not accept. Not now, not ever...
"No, Father."
Loki cut short his father's erratic ramblings.
"Wha' ?" The slurring indicated that his father was drunk, again, and maybe not in condition to understand anything that was being said.
"I said, no, Father." Loki calmly repeated. "Thor has nothing to do with my sexuality. I love him. He loves me. That's all there is."
Larry Laufeyson blinked furiously. His reddish eyes trying to focus on his rebellious offspring.
"The hell you're talkin' about ?" He screeched.
Loki took a deep breath.
"Dad, I am gay. Totally, completely gay. That is the way I am. I like men. Always did, always will be. There is nothing to do about it, I have been this way since the beginning. You and Mom will have to deal with it. "
Loki saw that his father was back to an ugly purple and his mother wailed in her handkerchief, her eyes comically wide with theatrical horror, helplessly staring at the spawn of Satan she has bore into this world.
"No one is responsible for this. Not you, not Mom, not any of our relations." Loki continued. "But most of all, Thor has nothing to do with that. I cannot allow you to even think about it. I love him. That is all."
His father squinted at him nastily. His lips were now quivering.
" 'That is all' " He mimicked in the same falsetto voice he used to mock his youngest son. " 'That is all, faaatheerr, that is aaalll. I luuuv him. Zat iz aaaaalll...' "
Loki felt a cold shiver down his spine. His father was coming closer, his taunting words gliding on his skin like a repulsive snake. He could smell the stench of alcohol on his breath.
And then he received a blow that made him hit the ground.
The violence of it made him half conscious. The shock was so brutal it made him totally numb. He could hear his father yelling at the top of his voice but what he said was unintelligible. Loki's head was swimming. None of it felt real. Loki couldn't say whether it was actually happening or only a nightmare. His ears were ringing.
His father might have done many things and been seriously mad many times...
But he had never hit any of his sons. Never. Until now.
Loki was vaguely conscious of a terrible fight between his mother going insane at his crazy-drunk father. He couldn't care less. Let them get at each other's throat. His father had hit him. His father, his own father had punched him in the face for a photo that was taken without him or Thor knowing it or consenting to it, for both being gay and in love... How could he go on with these people ?
Then he heard other noises, doors slamming and a voice he couldn't believe he was hearing. The voices became clearer
"Loki ! What happened ?"
He felt strong familiar arms picking him up. He stared into scared blue eyes. And all the horror and despair were gone into thin air the minute he knew Thor was really here and holding him as he always did.
"The fuck are you doing in my house, you piece of shit ?!"
"What have you done to him ?!" Thor was holding Loki close. Seeing his bloodied fingers, Loki understood he was nose-bleeding.
"Mind your own business, faggot !"
"Don't talk to my son like that !"
Loki raised his head. Otto Odinson was also there. Behind him a confused Bill who was probably the one who let them in.
"The fuck you are doing there ? Who fucking called you ?"
"I guess you received the mail too, Laufeyson, and your sole reaction is to hit your own child ! I would have never guess you could stoop that low."
"Shut the fuck up ! And get the fuck out with your fucking kid !"
Otto Odinson clapped his hand slowly and sarcastically, his face a mask of total contempt.
"Brilliant." He sneered. "Marvelous. You are a drunk and a brute. You are a non-existent husband and a monster of a father. I can't believe you're one of our VP. Now, you exquisite creature of impeccable taste, would you mind step aside and not come closer to these boys ? Actually, I think YOUR son needs help."
"Fuck you..." Larry started, his fists were clenching again, a mark that he was ready for another fight. Yet his speech was so alcohol-induced it sounded like "Ruuck' yew."
Loki saw that his father wanted to make a serious mess. Otto was not as strong as Larry was, but he was fit and sober. Which Larry wasn't.
Loki wanted to rise and make them stop. Not for Larry, he deserved a lesson, but for Otto and mostly for Thor. Yet when he tried to stand, he was unsteady and Thor had to hold him up.
"Please, Mr. Odinson..." Even his voice was weak. "It's not worth it. HE's not worth it..."
That wasn't exactly what he meant. Deep inside, he still felt a kind of love for his dad, but right here and now, he didn't like either of his parents and wanted as far away from them as possible.
Otto Odinson looked at the poor stunned kid. Never in his right mind would he ever imagine a father beating his own friggin' kid till his nose bled, only because said kid loved "the wrong way.". For some reason, he felt responsible for this, for not taking charge sooner...
He should have protected his son and his boyfriend more. It felt like a failure.
That is why he made the decision. A decision without his wife (she would be after his blood for that) and a very heavy one.
"Pack your stuff, Loki, you're coming with us."
Thor looked at his father. Unsure of what he heard, HOPING he had heard right.
"Move on, boys, we ain't got all day." His Pop grumbled.
Thor helped Loki to his bedroom. He felt lighter than he had in days.
"The hell ya think you're doin'!" Loki's dad screamed at their backs.
"Loki is coming with us." Was the phrase Thor heard from his dad before closing the bedroom door. Loki didn't need to hear the rest of the ruckus and Thor knew his dad would deal with everything. Though he might not deal with Thor's Mom...
Loki was sitting on his bed, numb like and thinking all of this was a dream.
"Surely, your father can't be serious..." He murmured to his lover in disbelief.
Thor had find a suitcase and was starting to pack clothes.
"Yes he is deadly serious, babe. You're staying with me, the sooner the better. You have to tell me what you need right now, we'll take the rest later."
Loki painfully stood up and stopped his boyfriend's arm.
"Thor, please... We can't. My parents will make a living hell of your parents' life... I cannot bear to..."
Thor took his beloved's face in his hands.
"Babe. You. Me. My house. You'll be safe and cared for. Who cares if you finish the year before college with us instead of your place ? Who cares if you spend this last summer before going for good with me ? Sweetheart you are free, for fuck' sakes ! Believe me, your folks will be happier and deal faster with the situation if you're not here..."
That was harsh, crazy, but Loki could see the logic in it, even if it was an insane logic...
And Thor was right. If his parents agreed, he would be safe, sound, cared for and FREE. Free from the angst of being discovered, free from the fear of being abandoned, free from the fear of disappointing his parents... Of course this last one was already made.
Once the school year was over and the summer spent, he would go to college and start a new life without necessarily involving his parents. He already had a trust fund his wealthy grandfather had provided for. He would have the huge luck to work hard in his studies without being bothered with the money... There were many who weren't as lucky. And Thor alongside him was the cherry on top.
He only hoped no one and nothing would interfere with the plan...
Loki grabbed most of his most valuables, his laptop, his school things, some childhood items he treasured and didn't want to leave just in case, books that were important, former dairies and scrapbooks, a photo album... He hoped the rest would be still here when he'd come back to fetch it. He hoped his parents would not be mad enough to burn it all... They were enraged but not up to this point. He hoped...
As Thor was closing two suitcases and a sport bag, Loki realized how little he owned and valued. The bedroom seemed almost bare now, even with the remaining things.
Feeling very tired, all of a sudden, he sat on his bed, letting Thor finish the packing.
Downstairs, the screams had receded. Thor told him it meant Otto had won over his parents. Loki indeed perceived a defeated rumble coming from his own father. Larry was not putting a fight anymore. Loki felt like a knot was slowly untying in his chest. It felt heavenly.
All of a sudden, Billy's uncombed hair and sleepy face, still wearing his underwear (at almost midday !) came to the door, yawning and completely lost.
" Yo, bitches. What's all the screaming down here ?" He muttered, half asleep.
"Nothing bad..." Loki smiled. "Someone send a dirty pic of me and Thor to Dad and, consequently, Thor and me were forced to do our coming out. We've been in a relationship for two months. Oh, and the parents are throwing me out. I am going to live with Thor for now."
"Oh, cool." Billy simply stated. He had not fully grasped the meaning of everything Loki had said. "Hope there's still pancakes..."
Billy scratched his left buttock and left, still yawning. Unaware of anything...
Seeing his clumsy older brother going to the kitchen, Loki remembered what Tony had said. He had had no time to think about it. The mails were actually coming from his own house, apparently. But who could have send it ? Not the parents, it would be totally absurd. Not Billy, for obvious reasons. Unless he was a master in the art of acting, he didn't have the brains for it. Obviously... Even if he had the motives. Now that their love story was in the open, Thor was also ruined in the football team. Loki knew Thor wasn't placing all his assets in it and yet his heart grew heavy. He was dragging his beloved in his own downfall. It simply killed him.
But if it wasn't Billy or his father nor his mother (even her was not that creepy...)...
It could only be …
Loki walked through the corridor to his brothers' rooms. Harry's bedroom was open. Of course, he had heard everything, waiting for the results of his little schemes and probably waiting for Loki to realize he had done it. He was sitting at his desk. Prim and proper. Looking at his younger brother as if everything was perfectly normal. Yet, seeing how Harry's hand was tense, Loki knew that deep inside he was angry. Why ? He had made it, they were finished. What could displease him ? Loki observed him without a word for a while. He couldn't understand. His silent, moody, reserved and determined brother... Always mind the quiet ones, they say...
"It was you." Loki calmly stated.
"Yes." That was Harry, a man of few words.
"You must be glad. You won. I am leaving and Thor will be probably outed from varsity. I hope it was worth it..."
Actually, Loki was perplexed for Harry didn't look gloating or glad at all. He looked pissed actually. His face was starting to get red. It made him look like their father. Loki sensed that he was missing something. Something capital...
"Why ?" He was asking this without anger nor resentment. He was past all of this but he had no clear idea of Harry's motives. "Why all of this, Harry ? What for ?"
Harry bared his teeth. Literally bared his teeth like a cat or more like a tiger. The skin up his lips was wrinkling like a lion about to roar.
"Why YOU ?" He whispered, his rage controlled and hissed.
And then Loki knew why.
All this time, he thought he was the one ignored while he had totally obliterated his brother. Of course, Billy was the noisier, the more flamboyant, the one his parents favored in the end, even if they treated Harry the same way (and indeed had a tendency to forget about Loki). So, sometimes, Harry was also living in Billy's shadow. The second coming. Exactly like Billy but in a smarter way. Loki had thought them two of the kind.
That was why he had totally missed the fact that Harry was also in love with Thor.
Meaning that his brother was probably also gay, or bi. He had not seen it. None of it. His brother was devoured by jealousy. Not because of Thor's success but because of his love for Loki. It was right under Loki's nose and he had had absolutely no clue...
It must have killed Harry, seeing the affair between the Mighty Thor and his insignificant sibling growing stronger by the day. He must have sensed something had happened at the log cabin. Harry must have been ready to burst, being forced to silence while his dream man was snatched away and to pretend to be all about his girlfriend when he didn't even remember her name...
He must have seen them both the first day they had sex (the idea made Loki want to vomit), he must have stalked them ever since. He must have taken the picture from the tree and other places, wanting them ruined if not being able to kill them both, kill their reputation and everything they wanted to hide from. Expose them, destroy them...
No, not to destroy them, Loki realized, to make them PART. He wanted one of them, or both to be scared and cease the relationship. He wanted them to separate.
It had had exactly the opposite result. Thor and Loki were now closer than ever. That was why he had sent the photo. In a last desperate gesture. A vain one. Harry had failed, again and definitely. In every way.
The worst being that his actions only made them stronger. Now, for better, for worse, sickness and health, richer or poorer, Loki and Thor were stuck together. They had to make it work or else...
And Harry had no other option but to remain the same now, closeted and lying, forced to move on, to follow the path he had chosen. Losing the only one he really cared about, Thor...
Unless he decided to declare who he really was. Which was unlikely right now.
Loki was overwhelmed with a sense of horrible pity.
"Harry... I..." He didn't know what to say. Right now, he was dreadfully sorry for his brother, still stuck with his lies, his false life and his unrequited love. And knowing that, had he been less blinded by his personal problems, he realized that, maybe, they would have fought it together, find a way to get out of this mess, as brothers in blood and affection... But, right now, it was too late. Maybe later, but not right now.
"Get out..." Harry growled. "Just get the hell out..."
Loki obeyed. There was nothing else he could do.
That was the way Loki left his home. Or what had passed for a home. No good byes, no more tears left. Just a door closed and a silent ride to Thor's own house. His parents had not even seen him off. Understandable in a way if unjustified.
They had made their own bed, all of them, now they all had to lie in. Including Billy who still didn't have a clue even when their father shouted at him the whole story. The last image Loki had of Billy, the only one not to be agressive, was of him, still in his underwear, a glass of milk in his hand and scratching his head, looking puzzled while their father was still yelling in the kitchen about "fags" and "queers."
Which was why Loki was leaving without a glance backwards. His head heavy and still throbbing from the punch on Thor's strong shoulder. He even managed to doze off for a few minutes.
They arrived in the Odinson' house. Mrs. Odinson was out with the boys so it left them time to settle down. While Otto was waiting for his wife downstairs (hoping against all hopes she wouldn't kill him right away in front of the kids), Thor was unpacking Loki's things in his bedroom. It was large enough for two but still... Loki felt like an intruder. He was on the bed again. Unable to move or make a decision. In fact, Thor was already making them for him.
"Right." Thor said to himself. "There will be enough room for your clothes in the dressing. The only problem is the desk. Not big enough... We'll have to organize..."
He was already planning, deciding things on his own, setting their life together. A way to behave, Loki noticed, he had inherited from his mother.
"Thor, please..." Loki murmured. "You don't have to put yourself into trouble, the sofa will..."
Thor turned to face him.
"Yeah, right !" He laughed. "And my mother will spread our guts to fertilize the back yard ! Plus, I want you in my bed, day and night. Period. If you start whining, I'll start spanking."
Loki wanted to laugh too but it was no time to be funny.
"Thor, this is huge here. You'll have me on your back 24/7 and on the outside... My Dad is going to shred us into pieces... Your team... The school..."
Thor slowly crawled on the bed, between Loki's legs, and up until Loki rested his back on the bed. Thor was now on top of him, his blonde streaks caressing Loki's face.
"Speaking of being on your back..." Thor murmured.
He was lustful and carefree. It was exactly as if their world was still in place, as if nothing had been blown to smithereens... He was extraordinary in his own way. Nothing seemed to disturb him, not even the end of their former lives.
"What, now ?" Loki breathed.
"Hell, yeah..." Thor murmured, leaning down to Loki's groin. "Time to celebrate."
Thor was holding him in his lap, thrusting faster and faster.
After the punch his father gave him, the blood rushing to his face was doing Loki no good. He was bouncing up and down to Thor's rhythm and he was heavily breathing, trying to stifle his moans. It was insane. They were making love in full daylight, in Thor's bedroom and Thor's Mom was about to come back any minute.
"Thor... Stop... It's... Bad... Ooh..."
Thor's only response was a nasty thrust that exactly hit Loki's sweet spot. Loki yelped.
"NO ! No more... Please... Your Mom... AH !"
Thor growled and bit his throat, something he knew would put Loki on edge. Loki was tortured, too good and so wrong. He fought against it for a while but had to give up when Thor put him back on the covers to increase his thrusts.
He came with his mouth on Thor's shoulder and his heart beating wildly in his ears. He was still clutching Thor, waiting for his breath to calm down, caressing Thor's back as if placating a mighty beast.
They jumped as they heard loud voices downstairs and a furious Freya climbing the stairs. Thor winced when his Mom knocked at the door in three aggressive blows.
"BOYS ! Since we are to co-habit for a while, here's rule number one ! NO inappropriate behavior when the children are up and running around. NO significant noise that could betray anything ! I MEAN IT ! Now, I need a serious talk with your father !"
And there she went. Loki wanted to get up and apologize and remembered that he was stark naked.
Him and Thor simply laughed it out on the bed.
After a brief adjustment period, the Odinson' household counted a new member quite easily. Loki and Thor were leading an almost conjugal life under the same roof with the blessing of Thor's Family. Loki was part of something now. He couldn't believe it.
He had had no communication more than necessary with his parents. His last school year came to end rather quickly while sharing the Odinson' joyous life. As foreseen, Loki entered the university of his dreams, as foreseen his grandfather helped him settle there.
Actually, Ian Laufeyson, Loki's grandfather, wrote a rather incendiary letter, threatening his son Larry to sort things out or be disinherited. Ian Laufeyson was a cold man and greatly responsible for Larry's erratic behavior. But he was a doting grandfather to Loki and so managed to keep what was left of the Laufeyson together.
Paradoxically, and as Loki feared, the ones who took the blow very hard were the Odinson. Thor was expelled under false pretenses. In fact, under Larry Laufeyson' pressure. Loki had time to ask for his grandfather to interfere. Yet the Odinson were so outraged they put Thor in a different private school to finish the year after making a huge scandal of what was happening in this brilliant milieu...
At night, Loki cried in Thor's arms, begging for forgiveness, for causing all this disaster. It took all of Thor's tenderness to calm him down. It was true, Thor didn't care much about football anymore (now that he had seen the true face of the ones that managed it) and wanted to study business as soon as possible to join his mother in her own company. Loki still felt tremendously guilty but when he proposed to share his fund with Thor to Otto and Freya, he was answered with a firm no. He was considered as a son now, and family stood together. Loki was not reassured but he had to deal with it.
So when Loki and Thor had to temporally separate to go to their different colleges, the Odinson chose to move back to Texas. Nothing was keeping them here.
Loki had a hard time being far away from Thor when they had been almost constantly together but he endured and they were back together on each vacation. Loki feared that he had lost interest in him but Thor's joy and the sexual feast they had each time they were back together eased up all his fears.
Loki wanted to become a lawyer. Thor was getting ready to be his mother's next CEO. And it seemed a given that they were meant to be a couple, once they had graduated.
Tony took back his father's enterprises, as was planned. Loki and him tried to remain friends but Tony had in his mind to reconcile with Pepper and it was hard to do so when he had Loki on his mind and in his life. They decided not to meet until things had not settled down in Tony's private life.
And in truth, Loki still suffered from what Tony had done. It could not be forgotten that easily...
Loki had not much contact with his family. Except, surprisingly, with his brother Billy who, as Loki pleasantly discovered, turned out to be very supportive. Billy was also a little lost, not because of Loki's being gone and having a disputable sexuality in their family's eyes. It was that everything was nuclear between Nathalie and Larry. The first accusing the second of being a monster and a brute who turned away from their child (conveniently forgetting she had done nothing to prevent it) and the second accusing the other of being a useless drunk (pot and kettle...).
A divorce sounded like the upcoming conclusion of all of this. Sadly, Billy was the only one to be sad and worried about it. Loki tried to help him as much as he could but he knew this was a sinking boat and Billy's best option was to run away.
Loki couldn't help but feel responsible. Which was something Thor never managed to erase from his mind.
The only thing left was Harry.
One summer morning, before the Odinson moved out of town and before Loki and Thor joined college, the lovers were having a last walk in the park where they had fed the ducks on Loki's birthday. They were happy, strolling around the lake, careless and enjoying the sun. They even took the luxury of holding hands while no one was around. Progress had to be made.
And then, Loki saw him, his brother, apparently also in a date with his latest conquest (who looked exactly like his previous conquest). He was like his old self, silent and moody. He was stuck in his perfect glory boy image, still in high school and all the spotlights of football, now that both Billy and Thor were gone.
He had everything and nothing. Nothing that was real anyway.
Loki, on the contrary, was cast out of their former world but he had a love and a life, far away from all this.
The brothers exchanged a long look and then turned away.
Thor had not realized what had occurred, having seen none of Harry.
Loki pressed Thor's hand harder and there was nothing more.