CHAPTER 23

Cosima breathes out slowly before she begins.

"OK I'm going to go back to the start as that's as good a place as any. I got diagnosed with MS a few years back. i had started to show a few symptoms. I had put it down to the Anxiety attacks i kept having. My mum hassled me to get tested in case it was something more serious. Well we know how that ended up. After i got the prognosis I went a little crazy. Going out getting wasted and High. Mum decided I needed a carer, I went along with it at first just to humour her. Hoping that she would start to calm down if she thought i was taking it all seriously.

"That was when I met Felix. He was my first carer and I hoped my last. I think the mistake was that we were the same age and into the same things. He got caught out on a random drugs test. I got tested too and he got sacked. We have remained friends since then. He defied my mum and I love him for that. Nothing happened with us romantically with us both being gay and all.

"I told my mum to get out of my life and stop trying to smother me. Which she didn't. I became depressed. Started smoking a lot more weed. On the day I met Delphine I had agreed to go with my "Uncle" Leekie to interview for Felix's replacement. That wasn't the real reason I was there. I was there because I wanted to end it all, and what better place to make a point about not wanting to be alive than killing yourself in the place that has now taken over your life.

I remember this day as if it was yesterday. this was the day my life changed forever. I remember we had interviewed some stupid idiot of a guy. I made my distaste for him quite known. I had had enough by that point. i thought that now was a good as time as any to carry out my plans. As i left the office I nearly bump into this beautiful woman. Rachel Leekie's secretary gave me the dirtiest look possible. but this other woman gave me the loveliest smile as she looked away quickly. I saw her dimples and knew I was a goner." Cosima smiled at the memory. stopping for a few moments before carrying on.

"I still went up on the roof. i hadn't changed my mind at that moment. i was sat on the ledge smoking when I found myself thinking about the gorgeous girl I had just seen. I just knew then that I had to see if it was just chance feeling or something more. And as luck had it, it was something more. She didn't know who I was, I got her phone number under the pretence that I was going to call er about the job. It started from there. We text, called and met up every day. I meant to tell her who I was but I knew i was falling deeper and deeper for her.

"We had a trip to Scotland. It was the best time I have ever had with anyone. We were just ourselves, we went out laughed, drank, slept and made love. No one there to judge us. Admittedly Delphine still didn't know who I was. I knew I would have to either start pulling away from her or just tell her, I couldn't do either. You have to understand I couldn't lose the one person who loved me just as much as I loved them. Paul and Beth were fantastic. They accepted me with open arms. I was taken into their family and it felt good" Cosima stopped, she found it hard to talk tears welling up in her eyes.

"It's alright Cosima take your time." Olivier said soothingly.

Cosima thought back to how Delphine looked after her on the flights to and from Scotland. Made her feel that she could do anything in the world. Fuck the MS! Fuck her anxiety! She had Delphine and that was all she needed.

"Shit what if Delphine doesn't pull through?" Cosima said, all the stress and worry deciding to surface now. "I can't lose her. I can't let her go!"

"Cosima, Cosima take a deep breath. In through your nose and out through your mouth! keep breathing!" Olivier tried to help her through it.

"I can't lose her! I can't lose her!" Cosima kept repeating.

"Hey Cosima. tell me about the first time you met up after the office?" Olivier tried to distract her.

Cosima silenced and controlled her breathing. Her hands starting to steady.

"We had text and flirted a little on the phone earlier on in the day. I had asked Leekie if I could ring Delphine and tell her she had got the job. He had agreed, happy that I wanted to take an active part in this. I asked elphine if she wanted to go out to celebrate. By going out I meant coming over to my place. Delphine said no then proceeded to invite me to her place instead. She went to give me her address but i told her I already knew it because I had looked in her file to get her landline number. Also I kind of already knew she would be inviting me over so I was on my way over.

"I just knew I had to get to know her. She was beautiful..."

"She is beautiful!" Olivier corrected her.

"She is beautiful, and smart and well just everything you could hope for in a person. We spoke about her losing her parents and she has this raw emotion about her. It's so intense. I wanted to tell her that first day but I couldn't I wanted to get to know her. I wanted her to know the real me. Not someone she was going to be paid to look after. We sat and chatted had our meal and a few drinks. I flirted so badly but Delphine seemed to enjoy it. I wanted to kiss her so badly that first night but I held back. I didn't want Delphine to think I was just after one thing. i really felt like we had a connection and I didn't want to ruin it." Cosima stopped. She remembered talking to Delphine about where she would take her on their first real date.

"Thank you for telling me this Cosima. I would like to start telling you how I would like to help you both." Olivier said smiling softly.

"Please do!" Cosima replied.

Breathing slowly Olivierstarted to speak.

"When I was outside the room earlier I heard the Detective say about when Delphine comes round that you wouldn't be allowed to stay and that she would be arrested. To me having you here with her will aid her recovery. This is still in the thought process at the minute but I am trying to get a way formulated that you can stay with her until she is either:

A) Strong enough to deal with the police on her own.

or

B) I just blatantly lie to the police about her condition to give you time together.

"Delphine is going to be in surgery for the next few hours. so that gives me time to sort things out the best I can and come back to you. Do you have anyone coming to sit with you? you have been here for almost 24 hours. you need to rest!" Olivier explained briefly before changing the subject.

Cosima wondered why Dr. Olivier had changed the subject. then she clocked him looking at his pager. he must have been waiting for a meesage or something. Suddenly there was a loud knock at the door.

"Cosima!" Paul exclaimed as he burst through the door after knocking. He stopped and looked at the doctor his blood running cold. "Has something happened to Delphine?"

"No Delphine is still in theatre. i just came to speak to Cosima about the development of her care package when she is recovering." Dr Olivier explained giving Cosima a small wink.

"So you think she is going to pull through?" Beth asked, her eyes red and swollen from crying.

"It is too early to say at this stage but I am optimistic that she will." Olivier said.

Paul turned and hugged Beth. Both physically relaxing from the news.

"Cosima I will need you to come to my office in a while so we can discuss some more options."Olivier said.

Cosima nodded she was too scared to say anything. Another knock at the door making her jump out of her skin.

Danielle peered round the door. "Dr. Olivier. Detective Bell is in your office waiting for you. He is looking for some information on Delphine Cormier!"

"Let him know I will be with him in five minutes. OK guys as you just heard I am going to have to go. I will come back afterwards and hopefully I should have some more news on Delphine. Cosima we will continue our talk when i come down next OK?" With that he left the room and made his way to his office.