I would just like to start by apologising! I am so sorry that I have seemingly neglected all of my stories. I've been moving house and my stuff is here, there and everywhere. I misplaced all my notes and I've just generally had a little bit of a nightmare! But enough of that – let's finally get back to the task at hand.
I had just about made it to my street when I heard a car horn beeping behind me. I turned, anxiously, to see Jace pulling over to the curb. I tried to maintain face as his car pulled to a stop. He wound the window down, leaning over towards it.
"Are you alright?" He asked and I nodded, tucking my hair behind my ear.
"I'm fine, I just have a very low tolerance where she is concerned. Not sure if you've noticed." I smiled lightly. Jace returned it.
"I was thinking that we could go and work on this project a little bit, have something to feedback to Lily tomorrow – y'know seeing as Aline just mortified her back there."
"How thoughtful of you." I teased.
"I'm not going to offer again." He teased back, winding his window back up ever so slowly. I sighed. I could hardly go into my own house with him lurking around and I did feel bad for Lily. I grabbed the door to the passenger side, and climbed into the car, placing my bag in between my ankles. "I knew you'd see things my way." He flashed me a grin as he pulled away. After a few minutes had passed, Jace finally spoke. "So, you and Jon – how young are we talking here?" Back to this again.
I shrugged, trying to think on my feet. I had to make something up that was believable, something that I could remember should I ever be asked again. Play it vague Clary. "I'm not sure. Young though. I only have a few memories. I doubt I'd even be able to point him out in the street if I saw him. What he's going through now though, is so similar to what I've been through. Even if I didn't know him, I'd still feel for him. You don't wish that on anybody." Jace was nodding along to everything I said. I decided to turn the attention away from Jon, Aline seemed like the obvious topic of conversation. "Surely you and Sebastian have to be clued up to the game that Aline is trying to play. It's glaringly obvious."
"There's a certain way that school works Clary. Everyone falls into a natural group, regardless of labels. Aline, Sebastian, Jon, myself – we're all very inside people, whether we like it that way or not. It comes with the territory of playing football and cheerleading. Everyone knows your business, everyone wants to be in your business. Sometimes I don't want it to be like that, other times I couldn't imagine it any other way. Your friend Simon and even Jordan to an extent are the opposite – outside people. But that's not a bad thing. Jordan loves being on the outside, I think he'd combust if it was any other way."
"And what am I?"
"What do you want to be?"
"Clary." I shrugged as we waited at lights.
"Then be Clary then."
"I'm trying to be, I just keep finding myself thinking that I don't even know what that means anymore." I trailed off, diverting my attention out of the window. After a few minutes of silence, I changed the subject. "Where are we even going?"
"That would be telling." He mocked as we drove through countryside.
"You're not taking me away to kill me, are you?"
"Don't tempt me." He flashed me a devilish grin. I rolled my eyes at him as he pulled up at a little cottage.
"Now, who lives here then?" I followed him from the car and over to the cottage. He didn't respond to me straight away as he patted around the floor for a good ten minutes, looking for something. He eventually picked up a rock, holding it up victoriously before opening it and retrieving a key from inside it, which he let himself in with. The inside of the house was bare aside from basic furnishings.
"This belongs to my parents. It's their downtime place. A way to get away from the hustle and bustle. To get back down to the simpler things in life. They don't know that I know about it. They certainly don't know that I have my own key cut." I tutted at him as he pulled the chairs out from the table. He collected up some pieces of paper and pens, scattering them on the table. "I thought it would be a nice place to just sit and have a think." He must have seen the apprehensive look on my face. "Don't worry. Aline isn't hiding anywhere." I sat myself down at the table, placing my bag over the back of the chair. As we were jotting down some ideas for articles we would feel comfortable writing, I could feel Jace wanted to ask something. His mouth was twitching every now and then as he tried to figure out his wording. "So –" He said, before going silent.
"So." I repeated.
"You and Jordan then." I rolled my eyes, dropping my pen on the paper and crossing my arms. Jace was taking a sip of his water to cover his awkwardness.
"You know what it is." I rambled. "You kiss a guy once and the whole world acts as though it's the sex scandal of the year." Jace nearly spat his water out. "We kissed. Wow. If we're judging the rest of you by the same standards then you must be in a relationship with half the school." Jace held a hand to his chest looking pained. He eventually cracked into a smile.
"The attractive half though."
"Whatever you say." I smiled, getting back to my piece of paper.
"I doubt Jordan will be happy when he hears that I've had you out here all to myself." He teased. I looked up at him, firmly.
"Are we here to work or discuss my love life?" Jace broke into smile.
"I was hoping a little bit of both."
"Are you going to write an article on my love life for the paper?"
"Maybe, will you give me an exclusive?" I could tell that he was flirting.
"Why don't we write it on yours instead? I'm sure the school would much rather hear of your escapades."
"I can see it now." He held his hands out dramatically in front of him. "SPORTS SUPERSTAR WOOS FLAME-HAIRED VIXEN."
"Let me correct that for you. SPORTS SUPERSTAR AND CHEERLEADING CHAMPION ANNOUNCE EXCLUSIVITY." Jace looked at me through narrowed eyes.
"Do you really think I'd get with Aline?"
"Why wouldn't you?" I asked, my pen now laying discarded.
"Before the accident, she was dating Jon, Clary." Jace said, simply. "Y'know – my best friend, Jon."
"So?" I pushed further. Jace looked flabbergasted.
"So, he's my best friend." Jace took a breath. "And even if he doesn't want to see me right now, I'm not going to betray his trust by getting with his girlfriend." I was taken aback. Jace clearly had morals and he clearly cared about Jon.
"That's pretty decent of you." I commented. "It's a shame that Aline doesn't share the same morals."
"Aline is out for what she thinks is best for her and that's her dream of maintaining her status and popularity. If she wants to do that, then so be it – but I'm not going to take a role in it. I just play along to an extent, enough to keep the peace." Jace shrugged. "Jon could have done better anyway and I'm sure he will when he comes back."
"Who knows?" I picked up my pen and started jotting down ideas.
"Is now a bad time to ask you if you're free this Friday?"
"Not another party." I sighed, as Jace laughed.
"No – a football game."
"Oh." I mouthed, dropping my pen once more. I had to admit, I was surprised. I hadn't attended any of Jon's football games and I suddenly felt terrible. I should have seen him doing what he loved. "Is it just at school?"
"Yeah, it's our first game of the season. I'm sure Jordan would go with you if you asked, or maybe Loser Lewis." I shot him a look. "Sorry, I mean – Simon."
"Better. I'll think about it."
When Jace and I had come up with adequate ideas to present to Lily, I got him to drop me off a few blocks away from my house. He'd decided to give me the papers to give to Lily, something to do with his reputation. I walked around the block a few times making sure that he'd definitely moved on, before I let myself into the house. Jon was standing in the hallway, crutches under either arm as he inched his way towards the kitchen. I closed the door over quietly so not to disturb his efforts. He was grunting with effort as he struggled along the corridor, but he was making progress and he was nearly at the kitchen door. Then he made a misstep and fell against the wall, I darted behind him trying to help him to his feet. He shouted in aggravation, pushing the crutch into the hallway wall.
"Woah, calm down Hulk." I helped him back up to a standing position, so that his body weight was resting on the crutches once more. "Maybe you bit off a little bit more than you could chew."
"I'm just tired of sitting around, I want to be on my feet now. I want to go back to school. I want to play football again. I just want to be normal!" Jon shouted.
"I know, but you need to take it slow…" I tried to be understanding.
"No! You don't know! It's my legs that have been crushed! It's me who had to sit there as Dad died! And I couldn't do anything about it! You have no idea what that's like!" He growled, tears coursing down his cheeks. His words hurt, of course they did. But he was right – I had no idea how bad he had it. There I was enjoying parties, getting involved in school – and Jon was practically bed ridden with nothing to do all day but listen to his own thoughts, relive the accident, relive Dad's death. Jon must have seen the look on my face as he instantly backtracked. "Clary, I'm so sorry. I'm really frustrated. I shouldn't have taken that out on you."
"It's okay. You're right." I muttered, trying not to let my emotion show on my face.
"Clary, I didn't mean it."
"I know."
When I went to bed that night, I heard nothing but those words. I couldn't sleep for them, they resounded in my head. I'd never felt further from my Father and I couldn't fight the fear that when I closed my eyes, he'd be there before me, wanting answers that I could never possibly give. After a rough night of no sleep, I headed down to breakfast early and couldn't hide my relief that my mother and Jon were still tucked up in bed. I made myself a strong coffee and drank it whilst it was still boiling, my tongue losing all sense of taste. I heard my mum stirring above me and crept out of the backdoor, beginning a slow walk to school. The cold air snagged at my tear-soaked face. I wrapped my scarf tighter around my mouth after wiping my eyes on it. I was the first one to form class, which was unsurprising. I shoved my headphones into my ears, pulling out a piece of card from my folder and doodling on it, mindlessly. I nearly leapt out of my skin when someone tapped my shoulder. It was just Simon.
"Hey, what's wrong?" He asked as soon as he saw my face.
"Nothing, just all this stuff with my Dad. I'm having one of those days." I shrugged, burying my head back into the desk in fear of tears making a reappearance. Simon patted my shoulder reassuringly.
"If you need me, you've got my number yeah?" I nodded as he headed over to his own table as the room started to fill up. Jace and Sebastian followed up the rear, with Aline and her posse in tow. Both of the boys took their seats and conversed between themselves, only stopping to speak to me when they wanted to know something.
"Where's Lily?" Sebastian asked me. I looked up.
"How should I know?" I muttered quickly before I looked back down at my papers.
"Hey – is something up?" Jace questioned. I shook my head, my hair falling over either side of my face. The pair of them just kept questioning me the entirety of the lesson. I couldn't do this. Not today. I needed to get out of here. The moment the bell rang, I escaped from my desk and the concerned stares of Sebastian and Jace. I walked as fast as I could muster down the corridor and out of the front doors. I darted around the building until I was sure that I was out of view. I let out a gasp of air and the tears just kept on coming. My body shook with each wave as I moved closer to the wall and further from view.
"Clary?" I heard someone say. I tried to wipe the tears from my face with the back of my sleeve as quickly as possible. "Clary, what's happened?" A strong arm wrapped around my shoulder, pulling me in and holding me close. Any attempt to conserve myself went out the window as I cried like a baby into the leather of Jordan's jacket. He let me get it all out of my system before holding me at arm's length. "What happened? Tell me." I told him all about it, glad that I had Jordan to confide in. He listened, taking it all in. "How about we get out of here?" He suggested finally, and his words were music to my ears.
"Please." Jordan skirted me around the edge of the school, around to the car park where his motorbike stood. I grabbed the helmet from his outstretched hands, jamming it eagerly onto my head. I just needed to get out of here. Anywhere! Jordan took off faster than the last time I'd been astride his bike and I felt a sudden rush in my chest, a sudden burn that rivalled the pain that I was feeling. The adrenaline was coursing through my veins, as I willed Jordan in my head to go faster. My hands gripped tightly around his middle as I thrived on this feeling that pulled me from my grief. Jordan must have understood my actions as he took us to open country, driving faster than I even thought possible. When we stopped in the middle of the country, I wanted a turn. I wanted to try it, by myself. Jordan helped me off the bike as we sat down on the side of the road, on the grass.
"Can I have a go?" I asked, picking at the grass.
"I don't think that's wise Clary. The way you're feeling, you could hurt yourself. But, I'm not against showing you another day." I nodded along. He was right.
"I just feel so lost." I grumbled, pulling at the grass under my legs. Jordan checked the grass behind him before laying down on it.
"You just need to get all of your grief out. Has there even been a funeral yet?" Jordan asked.
"Yes, a private one. Family only." I tried to cast it from my mind, remembering it would only make me worse.
"Have you been to your Father's grave recently?" I shook my head. I couldn't face him. I wouldn't know what to say to him.
"I don't think he'd want me there." I breathed shakily, trying not to cry. Jordan resumed a sitting position.
"Clary – why would you say that?" He placed his arm across my shoulders. "He was your Dad, I bet he adored you."
"I chose my mum over him. I didn't get to tell him I loved him before he died. I didn't deserve him." I rambled through tears. Jordan pulled me into his chest, smoothing down my hair. My chest was pounding as he shushed me.
"You're grieving Clary, all of these feelings are normal." Jordan reassured me. "Anyone telling you otherwise is lying."
After I'd exhausted myself crying, Jordan helped me onto the back of his bike. Part of me assumed that we were headed back to school, but that wasn't the case. Jordan pulled up outside of a house that looked quite similar to my own. It wasn't huge like Sebastian's or gigantic like Jace's but it looked more like a home to me. I followed him over to the doorstep as he let himself in. He stood on the other side of the threshold.
"You can come in, you know." Jordan smiled as I crossed over into the house. "It's not much, but its home."
"I think it's great. Is it just you and your mum?" I asked, Jordan nodded as he headed into the kitchen.
"Yup, Mum works three jobs though so I don't see very much of her. It's like having my own place really." He poured out 2 glasses of juice before he led me into the living room. It was small but homely. Jordan's mum must have been one hell of a woman to hold down three jobs and keep her house this on point. Just as I sat myself down on the sofa next to Jordan, my phone vibrated in my pocket.
Jace: Lily? Clary? – Are we working on the project tonight? Just with you both doing disappearing acts today.
Sebastian: If you don't want to though – that's completely cool with me!
I decided not to answer but instead wait for Lily to reply. I was more interested in what she had to say than anyone else.
"Are you going to be stolen away from me for another study session?" Jordan smirked, lifting his glass to his lips.
"I can't see that happening with Lily." I shook my head.
"Enlighten me." Jordan reclined, flicking the tv between channels. I told Jordan all about Lily's apparent crush on Sebastian, and Aline's less than delicate way of announcing it. "Aline has always had a way with words." I was about to respond when my phone pinged again, I looked at it, anticipating seeing Lily's reply.
Jace: Hello? Ladies? Do I have to go and report to form that neither of you are willing to work on this project?
Lily: Not tonight.
Lily's response said it all. She was clearly still feeling the sting of Aline's words, the embarrassment of being outed in front of Sebastian.
Jace: Clary?
Clary: Three's a crowd. I'll let you two get back to your special time together.
Jace: Seriously though, are you okay?
Clary: Fine thanks. See you tomorrow.
"Is this the part where you say goodbye?" Jordan had finally decided upon a tv show, something mundane. I put my phone back into my bag.
"Nah, I'm good to hang around a little longer."
"Final answer?"
"Final answer."
When I got home that afternoon, Jon was waiting up for me. I tried to smile at him and head up the stairs, but he called my name and I felt inclined to head back into his room.
"What's up?" I tried to play it natural.
"We need to talk about yesterday, and we need to talk about Jace and Sebastian."
"What about it?" I shrugged, I didn't want to make a big deal of this here and now.
"Yesterday I –"
"I know, I get it." I rushed. He looked at me, sighing.
"Please Clary, let me speak." He smiled, weakly. "I need to apologise to you. It was out of line, so out of line. I don't care how much pain I was in or what was running through my mind, I never should have spoken to you like that. I really hope you accept my apology." I nodded, giving him a hug.
"You're already forgiven." I smiled against his shoulder.
"Now for the second thing. If this Jace and Sebastian deal is affecting you – I need you to tell me. I'd rather have to deal with them harassing me than having you lie for me."
"It's fine. I can handle it." I admitted.
"The moment that you can't though – please, tell me."
I went to bed that night feeling rejuvenated. As soon as my head touched the pillow, I fell into a deep sleep. Maybe too good of a sleep. I awoke to my Mum screaming my name, shouting that I was going to be late.
Thank you to everyone who takes out the time to read and review!
All of my love,
Until the next time.
~Sapph