One: Human

I am not particularly human, but who cares?

Ask anyone to describe me back then and you'd probably have gotten about the same answers. Kotoko Ootori, fourth child of the Ootori family, younger daughter. Seventeen years old. Pale skin and long, dark hair; a combination few people liked but the key ones did. Tall for a girl, tall enough to be forced into wearing flat shoes at all times, but not tall enough to be ridiculed for it. A figure that people still somehow seemed to be mistake as effortlessly attained. Eyes that, to most people, had been a lot nicer looking when I had worn contact lenses instead of glasses. And probably dating Tamaki Suoh.

Tamaki preferred the glasses. He said they brought out the unusual grey of my eyes. I thought they detracted from the too-sharp angles of my face. So the spectacles stayed, as did the long hair, the pale skin, and the floozy figure. Because few opinions mattered to me as much as his.

Now, before I'm mistaken for a love-sick Ouran-attending hormonally-rife teenager, I should remind people of my last name. The Ootori family to whom I belonged was a relic of the old ways, and to them appearance for everything. The expectations on my brothers to be the best in academics and intellect and business were weighty ones, but that was the way they were raised to believe they could serve our family. My sister and I had a different role to fulfil. Our greatest asset was our ability to bring children into this world, provide heirs for the families around us as their daughters provided for ours. A simple marriage could cement a business partnership in the way nothing else could. Politics, economics, business, and all things considered to be the men's world the women knew came down to one thing- sex. In the right place and at the right time, of course. Yes, it sickened me and there was something wrong with the way the world was.

But as my father once said to me, losers try to change the world. Winners merely use it.

Still, I never gave up hope that my life could still be a happy one. True, I paid attention in school in spite of myself and I liked to learn. Yes, I hoped that I could go further once I finished school, make a little more of myself before I was auctioned off as somebody's wife. I guess I hoped a little too much. I can pin-point the day that the rope binding the pieces of my life together began to fray. It was the day I learnt about my brother, the day I first saw the phantom, and the day I finally knew what became of inconvenience to my father's plans. I had never heard the name 'Kyouya' before.

First, however, we have to retrace the steps it took to come to that point. So, I was born to my parents and raised by their employees with little to make my childhood remarkable among any others of that time and class. When I was very young, I believed I could do and be anything, but I trusted my parents explicitly and they had my life planned out. I would attend Ouran while growing up, and when I was grown, a suitable husband would be found for me. It was all very simple. There was little choice, nothing to fight about, nothing to worry about, so my childhood was happy; or if not happy, at least straight-forward. On my first day of school, my father told me what he had told all my siblings before me- to make friends, because you never knew who could be valuable to us in the future. And so I came to calculate each person's relative worth on their social standing and behaved accordingly towards them. I'm sure many of my supposed friends of that time were doing exactly the same thing. That's the way the world was. That's all friendship was.

It was when I was fourteen that someone came into my life who saw things quite differently. This, of course, was Tamaki and 'came in' might be too polite a way to put it. It was closer to breaking and entering, in my opinion. I didn't care much for him at first. I only spoke to him because that morning, at breakfast, my father told me it would be worthwhile. To my mind, the illegitimate son of the puppet-head of a family we had been dealing with for years was not the most worthwhile cause in the world, so I planned to be civil enough and friendly enough but not put in too much effort. At that time, I was the class vice-president and knew as part of my duties, I would be required to show him around the school. That, with an empty promise of 'ask me if you need anything', I thought would be enough.

Yet Tamaki always did have a habit of acting outside of expectation. I expected the usual polite, meaningless, transparent small talk when we were introduced, but instead he took my hand, raised it to his lips, and kissed it.

"It warms my heart," he murmured to me. "To find such beauty at the end of my long journey."

My first reaction was to whip my hand away and call him a freak. As this was not very eloquent, however, I instead slipped my hand out of his grip, smiled slightly icily and said:

"That seems rather impertinent."

"You are the one who so rudely intruded on my heart." He replied, giving a lopsided smile that I thought meant he was joking but wasn't quite sure. "I apologise, Ootori-chan, if I offended you; but to take the comment back would be a lie."

"So you would not lie to keep a woman happy?" I asked, injecting annoyance into my voice and raising a warning eyebrow.

"Not when she blushed so nicely at the compliment." He answered, completely unphased by my play acting. "But enough of this! Let us see the school!"

After that, I never quite got rid of him. I couldn't push very hard without causing offence, and his family was an important partner. Plus, I could see from his constant sulks he was a temperamental kind of person so it would not take much to set him off. So I put up with his friendship and his flirting and his ridiculous tourist excursions and woke up one morning to find, to my dismay, that I couldn't do without it.

I hated him for that. No-one had ever made me care about them before.

"So." Fuyumi had said to me, later that day, for some reason getting all my clothes out of the drawers. "Do you love him?"

"I said, nee-chan, he annoys me to death. He's ridiculous and overdramatic and I have to take care of him all the time..." I paused, and then continued, grudgingly. "But he is kind, and funny if he means to be or not, and he is the heir to the Suoh family, illegitimate or not. I suppose it would make sense for me to love him."

"Hmm..." Fuyumi mused. "Does it make you jealous when he talks to other girls?"

"Honestly, you should see how seriously they take him. It's pretty hilarious."

"Does he make your heart pound?"

I snorted. "Would I be that stupid?"

"Then..." She paused now, a little concerned. "Why do you assume you love him?"

"It makes sense that I do." I repeated, mystified. I thought she would be squealing and hugging me by now, but this quiet reaction was not what I had expected.

"But you don't." She smiled a little sadly. "What you have made, Kotoko, is a friend."

"A friend?" I repeated.

"Yes." Fuyumi began trying to shove things back into my drawer. "But... it might help, if you could learn to love him."

She looked a little sad, then, and I knew what she was thinking of. She was to be married in just a few more days, to a man who was not cruel nor dislikeable, but whom she did not love. She wanted, so desperately, to know how to make herself love someone.

Myself, I didn't mind. This wasn't about love. It was business.

I hadn't read any more into Fuyumi's comment at the time, but I suppose she must have known something, because a few days later my father brought it up.

"You get on well with the Suoh boy, don't you?"

"Yes, father."

"Good. I should tell you, Kotoko, his grandmother is angling for an engagement between the two of you. So keep him happy."

"Of course, father."

It was a simple enough conversation that sealed my fate. I assume Tamaki must have had a similar conversation, because as we went to school together the next day, it was all very awkward. He asked me out, and, to keep him happy, I agreed.

Strangely, I found I didn't mind. It took some time to get used to his quirks and the constant attention, but he seemed to be enjoying myself and, honestly, so was I. I knew this had been partly, at least, contrived by our families, but it was nice to feel wanted all the same. He had a way of pushing our conversations in just the right ways to get me to open up to him. He once said he wanted to know everything about me. I found out that meant finding out a lot about myself too. But, none the less, we stayed together and my father was pleased. We'd been together almost a year when Tamaki approached me about his patently ridiculous idea.

"A host club?" I asked, unimpressed.

"Yes! It's a place where girls go to-"

"I know what one is." I said, calmly. "I just wondered why you thought this would be a good thing for us to do together."

He looked downcast. "But... I wanted you to do this with me. I like doing things with you."

I sighed. "Tamaki. You want me to help you run a host club."

"Yes!"

"Tamaki, let's do this slowly." I said, kindly as I could. "You want me, your girlfriend, to run a host club with you, my boyfriend, so you can flirt with other girls while I watch. It doesn't really seem like a suitable activity for a couple, does it?"

"But I couldn't do it without you there!" He said, shocked. "How could you ever trust me?!"

He wasn't getting it. This boy was dense. I considered changing to my 'sweet girl who's had her feelings hurt' trick, but it had been shelved since I was about ten and I always felt a bit pathetic doing it anyway. Besides, I was pretty sure I didn't need anything like that with Tamaki.

"Tamaki. Do you really think my watching you flirt with other girls will make me feel good?"

"But we must do something!" He wailed. "They won't leave me alone! I want to be with you, Kotoko, but they won't leave me be until they get some attention!"

I smiled. Okay, it was convoluted and a bad idea, but in some way it was also rather... sweet. I considered kissing him, but then he had to open his mouth.

"Of course, who came blame them? They are like poor sunflowers, drawn to the sun of a handsome man whose light they so rarely see..."

I let him talk. Same old, same old. Still, maybe running a club wouldn't be a bad thing. It would be good practise for organising events and parties when I was older. And it would be something to do, some meaning in my life. Besides, Tamaki had been rather dominating my time, so surely this was the chance to form some ties with some new people?

"Fine." I said. "But I'm not wearing any costumes."

The latter would of course be proved incorrect, but Tamaki had more effective puppy-eyes then a six week old westie with a limp. No-one could really resist him, not if they wanted a quiet life. At least he had a good heart. In the wrong hands, such charisma could have lead to the end of the world. In Tamaki's case, he was a contradiction. His ego was the size of a planet and yet he seemed to have a heart to match. I didn't understand him, which was a new experience in itself. I was beginning to think I could quite happily stay with him for my life, taking his quirks as worth putting up with. I had taken Fuyumi's words to heart. I kept every silly little thing he gave me, I watched him and smiled for him and tried to pay as much attention to him as he did to me. I think it made him happy. As to whether I was falling in love, I couldn't tell.

Things changed on that front while I wasn't present. It was a few weeks into our second year, but already I had fallen foul of some sort of bug. Tamaki had seen me almost every day over the holiday, apart from the time my family and I were abroad and even then he called me every day. Judging by that, the phrase 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' was true. I could afford to miss a few days of school, or so I thought. Even then he would have come to visit me, if I'd let him. But there was no use him getting sick, so he had to make do with phone calls; when I was awake enough to converse.

It was on one such occasion I learnt of the new member of the club. The incessant jangling of my phone had woken me up, and I knew my blocked nose and sore throat would keep me up. Rolling over, I answered it.

"Hello?" I croaked.

"Koto, sweetheart, you sound terrible!" Tamaki wailed immediately. "Are you okay? How are you feeling? I'm coming over!"

"Tamaki." I said, as nicely as I could. "You're hurting my head. I'm fine, I just woke up."

"Ahhh, did I wake you? I'm so sorry, darling!"

"It's fine, it's fine." I answered, sitting up. "So, how's school? Did I miss much?"

"Yes! Oh, you would not believe it! You know I told you about Haruhi?"

"Oh, yes..." I tried to stifle my coughs. "You made him the Host Club dog, right?"

"Yes! But, as it turned out, he's a real hit with the ladies!"

"...Pardon?"

"Yes!" He said again. "I believe it is his commoner novelty! The twins smartened him up a bit and he has proved a hit!"

"Wait." My tired brain was sluggish. "You've made him a host? The scholarship student?"

"Precisely! It was his first day today, he's done a remarkable job! He's so cute, the girls love him! He almost seems like a girl himself..."

There was more irony in this statement than either of us knew at the time. To be honest, I had heard from the beginning that the scholarship student was a girl, but hadn't ever met her. Tamaki did while I was absent and, as it turned out, Haruhi was a boy. Or so we all still thought, at that point. At that point, I was more worried about Tamaki running the club single-handed in my absence. Yes, he was the president, but the truth was, I kept the place going. A new host? I was sceptical at best. I hung up as quickly as I could, determined to get some rest and get back to school. There was too much to catch up on already.

And so, before too long, the day came when I was back at school, and met her. She ruined everything, and saved us both. Of course, at that first meeting, I had been lead to believe she was a boy. Albeit one who looked like a girl.

"So, you're Kotoko-senpai?" Haruhi asked, smiling at me. "That was my mother's name, too."

I had heard about her mother, and coupled with that sad, heart-felt smile, even I didn't know what to say.

"Oooooh," The twins chorused. "Even Kotoko-senpai is blushing!"

"It must be Haru-chan's special technique!" Honey surmised.

"I am not blushing!" I snapped.

"Aha, Haruhi, you are a natural!" Tamaki crowed, hugging the aforementioned. "Even Kotoko, smart as she is, fell for it!"
"You're the one who dressed me this way- let go." Haruhi answered. Reluctantly, Tamaki let go of her, and draped his arms around my shoulders instead.

"You see, Kotoko, my love, Haruhi is actually a woman!" He declared. "Were you fooled, hmm? Even I, with my inante knowledge of women, was deceived at first! However, even Haruhi could not hide it from me forever-"

"He walked in on her in a vest." The twins explained, cutting him off before he became even more insulting.

"I don't foresee any problems with the girls guessing..." I said, not unduly surprised at the announcement- to Tamaki's disappointment. "So, if you want to, Haruhi-chan, you are welcome to work as a host."

"Ah, thank you."

Things changed at the Host Club from then on. Everyone seemed to like Haruhi, even me. There was something endearing about her bluntness. Of course, even then I noticed how Tamaki treated her differently to all the other girls, differently to how he treated me. I figured at first it was because she was masquerading as a boy, he couldn't act how he normally did. But as the weeks passed, I would watch their friendship grow, and wonder what it would have been if I had not been present.

If I had not been present. Perhaps it was those kind of thoughts, lying sleeping in my brain, that created my phantom when the time came.

The time was a weekday morning, not so unlike any other. I had spent the usual time getting ready for school and was waiting in the entrance hall of my house for Tamaki to come and pick me up. In the dining room down the hall, my parents were arguing. This in itself was unusual, as my parent's arguments were usually 'who can be the most reasonable and exercise the most self-control' contests, but not unheard of. The topic, however, was not one I had heard before.

"There. She will make him a good wife." My father's voice came.

For a moment, my breath stopped. Was this it? Was I engaged now? Was it to Tamaki, or someone else?

But, as it turned out, it wasn't me. My older brother, the second son, was the one. He had just moved out of the family home. I should have worked out my father would want to find him a wife.

"Good in what way?" My mother asked, sounding uncharacteristically bitter. "In terms of how he will like her or of how much value she is to you?"

"I act for the benefit of this family, our children are glad to do the same."

"This family?! Don't you know we're missing one?!"

I was puzzled at that. The words were confusing, nor could I remember any occasion that my mother raised her voice. Missing one? Was this because my brother had so recently left? Or because I wasn't engaged, our pairs were incomplete?

Neither, as it turned out.

"Of course I know that, but I fail to see what good it does to remember."

"Don't you know what day it is?!"

"Of course I do, but I fail to see why it matters. It was time you let go. Kotoko lived, didn't she? Anyway, it would only have been miserable. What use have we for another son?"

"What use?! He was our child, and you...!"

"I suggest you don't finish that sentence."

"You killed him." She whispered. I wondered how I had heard, then realised I'd been unconsciously edging towards the door.

"I hope you don't believe that." My father said, coldly.

"If not killed, then let him die."

"The medicine did not work for him. It is as simple as that."

"Oh, yes, the failed medicine. Strange, that, given that Kotoko was much smaller and weaker than Kyouya ever was! You just wanted her as an extra resource to trade!"

"Quiet!" My father thundered. "That is the way the world works, accept it and stop this moping every time the anniversary comes around! You lost a baby, not a limb."

Anniversary? My mind was throbbing, but I was an Ootori. One thing I could do was piece fragments together. I had another brother? A twin, I would assume. My mother had called him Kyouya. And for some reason, he had died; while I had lived. Was this the anniversary of his death? But my- our- birthday had been just a few weeks ago, just before the start of term. He wouldn't have been three months old. Not even a quarter of a year.

I was as cold hearted as if my heart had been made out of snow in those days, with just a few patches of warmth. Had it not been for one line of my mother's reasoning, I would have dismissed this unknown brother as an interesting but ultimately unimportant fact. But my mother seemed to blame my father for his death. I suddenly wondered, would my father do something like that? Let nature take it's course because it suited his purposes better than what science would provide him with?

Possibly. Probably.

I knew I had to dismiss my mother's belief as a product of her grief and bitterness of that time. Even my father was not that cold-hearted.

But...

You're being ridiculous, Kotoko. I scolded myself. When have you ever believed anything without your own proof?

Yet... What use have we for another son?; You just wanted her as an extra resource to trade!

He hadn't denied it. Why hadn't he even pretended to deny it?

The bell rang, and I raced for the door. I tried to look unhurried as I greeted Tamaki and climbed into his car. Normally we'd converse, but today I reached straight into my bag and pulled out a book. I began to read, pointedly.

"Shakespeare?" He asked.

"Yes."

"Romeo and Juliet?" He asked, hopefully.

"Hamlet."

We lapsed into silence. There was nothing unusual about my reading Shakespeare, in fact, I was frequently found to be doing so. Seeing his plays was one of the things we often did together. His favourite was the Tempest, I preferred the drama and anger of Othello. Today, however, I was barely focusing on the words in front of me.

"...Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, knowing me too well to not realise something was bothering me.

"No."

"Alright."

We spent that journey, and the rest of the day, in near silence. He talked to Haruhi instead.

And, that night, I had the dream for the first time.

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A/N: And so, we start. I should probably confess right about now that I started writing this fic just before Christmas, so I reeeeeeeeeally don't remember what happens in the earlier chapters. That said, this fic is written to completion already, so updates should be regular; most likely Wednesday/Saturday. And that said, this fic is completely unlike any I've written before. It was fun!

Disclaimer for Ouran, obviously. Oh, yes, and the quotes at the beginning of the chapter are from Samuel Beckett's Waiting for Godot. I didn't like the play that much, and I certainly didn't agree with it's ideals, but, well... it leant itself to this story.

Also, on a random trivia note, this makes fifty fics I have posted. :D I should have a cake or something.

Thanks for reading!