Four: Light

The light gleams an instant, then it's night once more

It seemed there was some form of escape for me after all. I had tried to run from my anger and confusion and regrets into my dreams, but they were waiting there and worse, so was my phantom. I had seen him so many times now, heard from him so many accusations, you might have thought he was less terrifying. Yet our own guilt and fear are powerful resources, and he gained strength from them.

The fact was, I knew he was right. Something had gone terribly wrong in the past. I had seen scenes of Kyouya as he would have been without me, with the Host Club, his friends. I had all but stolen his life. Now all I had to do was use it. My phantom told me I wasn't meant to be here, this was not how it was meant to be; but there was little I could do about it. At that time, I was beginning to wonder if there was a reason for my being here; and I just didn't know what it was. Something it was worth my brother dying for, apparently.

Still, I was stuck in my dream. I had seen Kyouya, so young, learning not to ask for help. I had listened to my phantom's whisperings, and still, he continued.

"Didn't he show promise? You never did. He could have done so much, so much more then what was expected of him. You don't. You just do as you're told. What purpose have you in life? What purpose was it that he died for?! You're not even trying! You don't know why you're here! Why should you be here?!"

"Kotoko-sama?"

"You're not even looking for it! What reason do you have for being?!"

"Kotoko-sama, wakey-wakey..."

"Without any purpose, his death was a waste!"

I didn't understand. Why did one of us have to die so the other could live? Why hadn't we both survived? Or both died? It wasn't my fault.

"Use it." My phantom hissed at me. "Use it wisely. Find your purpose, or see how mad I can really get..."

"Kotoko-sama, I'm sorry, but wake up!"

I was awakened by one of the maids shaking me. How embarrassing, to be found napping in the middle of the day. I rubbed my face, glancing at my watch. It was only just getting on to seven pm. I assumed I'd been woken for dinner.

"Ah, yes, I'll be there in a minute. Thank you."

"Dinner is being served in your father's room today, miss." The maid told me. "As it is only the two of you, your father requested we did not use the formal dining room."

"Oh?" I asked, confused. My eldest brother and Fuyumi had moved out already, and my other brother stayed at University in the term time, but my mother should have been present. "Where is mother?"

"She has gone out, Kotoko-sama."

I gave this comment a mental eye roll. I had ascertained that much on my own. However, it seemed I would be getting no further detail, so I stood and, having taken a second to readjust my clothes and hair, headed for my father's rooms. It would not do to appear less than pristine before him. I just hoped the maids had the good sense not to tell him I had been asleep. An Ootori should never be caught napping.

That was a painful mealtime, consisting of trying to eat in the most elegant way I could and responding to the hundreds of questions my father seemed to find to ask, and apologising for the thousands of faults. Finally, we got onto the topic I most hoped to avoid.

"Did your mother tell you that you are to meet with a potential suitor on Sunday?"

"Yes, father, though she did not tell me who it was."

"Fumio Nokue. You know that name?"

"Of course, father." I replied. I did, just as I was supposed to. The Nokue family were close partners of ours, building contractors and architects that built most of our facilities. The current head of the family was a man who's talk was about as interesting as watching the cement between his bricks dry. Fumio was the eldest son, and the heir to the company. It would be a good marriage for a youngest daughter, and much to our advantage. Of course, the Nokue's family business was not as successful as ours, especially given the lack of building going on in the financial climate of the time. They would get the promise of a stream of contracts, and the Ootori would get good deals on them. It would be a good marriage indeed.

My heart sank. It also happened that something about Fumio Nokue rubbed me entirely the wrong way. I had spent a great deal of time entertaining him ever since our families had been working together, and loathed every second of it since he had hit puberty and looked at me in a different light; possibly because I was the only girl who would go near to him. I wondered if I could cope with a lifetime of that.

"Don't pull such a face, Kotoko." My father snapped. "If you have a reasonable objection, then voice it properly."

I think, at this point, I looked so desperately for a 'reasonable objection' I would have made one up if I had to and falsified the evidence afterwards. Thankfully, I struck on one.

"I was just wondering, father, how well their business bodes for the future. There's no telling how long the current economic situation will last, or how much specialist building work there will be in the future. Also, I would be cautious to make an arrangement with Fumio-san when he is so much older than me. I would be afraid of him changing his mind for someone more mature."

"That is why you must act mature." My father dismissed. "Besides, he's only twenty-four. That's only a seven year gap, most girls are lucky to get less than ten or fifteen."

"Yes, father, but he may be anxious to marry soon, I may be too young..."

"You'll be eighteen next year." My father snapped. "That will be soon enough for him, if need be. As for their business prospects, that is nothing to do with you. Just do as you're told and meet with him. Treat him civilly at all times."

"Yes, father."

"Even if we do not choose him, it would be foolish to offend him when he has expressed an interest."

I looked up in surprise at that. He had asked about an engagement? Usually the bride's parents had to approach those of the groom's. The only time a potential groom approached the parents was usually only if the couple were in love and sought approval, or, as in this case, if the groom was determined to get his name into the running before it was too late. I had assumed this had been cooked up by our families; if he wanted to marry me one day, my situation had just gotten worse. I had stopped eating. Nothing more would go inside me.

"I'm warning you, Kotoko, I want nothing to go wrong. I've been considering him for a long time. Others have been there for back-up only. The only other real contender for your hand is the Suoh boy. It's important this meeting goes well."

Fumio or Tamaki? And Tamaki was out of the question, now. Suddenly I knew exactly what my future held. Lots of little Fumios and a husband with no respect for me or my opinion, that wanted an airhead who would shut up and look pretty. It was not a hopeful prospect.

I think that was the moment that I realised how foolish I had been. I had thought it was for the best, because I thought he loved Haruhi. And I had been angry with him. I had thought I was indestructible. I should have known my father would have been considering Fumio as an alternative. Even if Tamaki had left me for Haruhi in the end, Fumio would have been married by then. I couldn't bear it.

"Kotoko." My father barked. "Stop sitting there looking so gormless! Is there a problem?"

"..." I swallowed hard. "Tamaki and I are no longer a couple, father."

I watched as his hands curled into fists as he struggled to remain calm. "And what did you do to anger him?"

"...He angered me, father."

"Did he hurt you?"

"No."

"Did he try to sleep with you?"

"No!"

My father got up then, very slowly, and walked around the table between us. Then, with an expression of utter contempt, he slapped my face. I heard the clatter as my glasses fell into the rice bowl and cutlery. I pressed a hand to my stinging cheek, not daring to look up.

"You stupid little girl." He said, coldly. "Do you have any idea what you've done? Do you want to be married to the son of a second-rate company? Is that it? This relationship between you and the Suoh boy has been greatly beneficial to us. His father dotes on you, even his grandmother is grateful that we are providing some prospect for the hopeless thing. Do you have any idea what you've thrown away? And the offence of it! Do you have any idea how much damage you've done?!"

I didn't reply. I couldn't.

"You will go and get cleaned up." My father instructed, his voice a low hiss. "Then you will change into whatever outfit he likes you best in, go to Tamaki-kun and beg forgiveness. You will do whatever it takes so that he takes you back. Anything he asks of you, Kotoko."

I realised what he was trying to imply with a sudden flash of understanding. I looked up in shock.

"You'll just have to hope he doesn't ask it of you, Kotoko." He sneered. "But just remember you have brought this on yourself."

"You're not seriously suggesting I..." I couldn't even finish the sentence, it seemed so foreign to me.

"What else do you think your purpose is?" He snapped. "What other reason is there for you to even be at that school? Your purpose is to build relationships that will be advantageous to us in the future, and that includes this one with Tamaki-kun! Your job is to keep the people who need to be kept happy happy, do you understand? Now. Get out of my sight; and don't come back until you've been forgiven!"

I went. It wouldn't do to argue. And perhaps that was the moment I started to believe that really was my purpose; to be with Tamaki. It could be, theoretically. I had been cautious about giving Tamaki my whole heart, trusting him, because of my assumption he liked Haruhi more than me; on the assumption that something could not be for both the benefit of my family and for love. But perhaps Fuyumi had been right all along. Perhaps the key lay in loving him. Maybe that was what my phantom meant.

I had to love Tamaki, and let him love me. Or convince him to love me if he didn't. That was the purpose that had been dictated to me.

And maybe, if I did it, my brother would be at peace. Maybe my phantom would disappear. Maybe we could be happy. Maybe that was all it was.

My head was buzzing with these thoughts as I washed my face and brushed my hair, sprayed on some scent, wiped the food from my glasses and selected jewellery. Finally, I could delay it no longer and went to the very back of my wardrobe. Even the seriousness of the situation couldn't stop me wrinkling my nose in distaste. I didn't like to dress like this.

The thing was, Tamaki liked 'cute', and I did not. My usual style was something more sedate, a sweater and some trousers or maybe a long skirt. Yet he liked the cutesy stuff, and sometimes, if I was in a good mood, I would wear pink or flowers or something childish. For an occasion like this, I knew what I had to wear. That didn't mean I liked it.

By the time I was finished, I'm ashamed to say, I was wearing a pinafore. Honestly, what girl still wore a pinafore when she was seventeen? But, it was cute, I guess. I certainly felt about twelve when I put it on. It was quite a plain thing, black with a few white buttons that were for decoration only. And a rabbit head stitched into a pocket on the side, and a small bow at the bottom of the neckline. I honestly tried not to think about it too much.

Under this, I had an electric blue top with long sleeves; and tights, because the pinafore came down to my knees, and anyway, today leggings would not be sufficient. I went to wear my usual pair of black slip-on shoes that I wore as often as I possibly could, but then remembered something. The last time I had worn this outfit, it had been my birthday. Tamaki and I had eaten lunch out together, and were dawdling afterwards in the shops, at which point he had decided it would be a great idea to buy me a hideous pair of shoes. Tamaki usually had reasonable taste, but what was going through his mind at that point I really don't know. They were normal buckle shoes, or so it would seem, but were also shiny and blue. I had worn them on the day to keep him happy and banished them to the back of my wardrobe ever since. I had thought of getting rid of them, but in the end, had decided to keep them in case of an emergency. Such a time had come. I buckled them up over my tights, trying not to look at them directly in case the colour blinded me.

I was ready. I looked practically like I should still be in elementary school, but that would have to do. I took a deep breath, steeling myself up and, as was my usual trick to keep up the cold Ootori mask, think through my swirl of emotions rationally. Realising how many there were this time, I sat down. It seemed it would take a while to think things through.

So, Tamaki. Why exactly had I been so mad at him? Yes, he had kissed me, but that was nothing new. Knowing him, he had probably done it to show how much he loved me after the comments I made at the photoshoot. Comments I had only made because he had tried to kiss me. It couldn't be that I had any problem with kissing him, we had done it enough, hadn't we? It was because I was worried our relationship was a scam, smoke without fire, and that kissing in front of the cameras would only prove it.

But, I reminded myself coolly, that wasn't the point. The smoke was the important part, what this relationship would do for my family. My father was right. I couldn't afford giving up on Tamaki until we were sure there was no better offer. The Suoh family was one of the richest in the world, and one of the best investors in our various ventures. Surely if Tamaki was brother-in-law to the next head of the family, the money would keep rolling in.

And then there was this confusion over my purpose. But hadn't my father explained? I was sure that the dreams had been signs, if they were anything, to make sure I noticed the explanation when it came. I had been torn up recently feeling I was keeping Tamaki from Haruhi, but for whatever reason, it seemed I was supposed to. Perhaps he was my purpose. I had to learn to be happy in that, and to make him happy too.

He had said he loved me. Even if it was a lie, it would have to be enough. Anything could be made into truth if you worked hard enough. This then, was my goal. To keep Tamaki in love with me, and to fall in love with him. Then we would be happy, I thought, and that was a lot more than a lot of people ever got.

By the time I arrived downstairs, there was already a car waiting for me. I climbed in, and it was only after instructing the driver to go to Tamaki's that I began to feel nervous. I had been so angry before, and for no good reason. What if he had been mad at me? Or if he had come to think after all that Haruhi really was preferable to me? What would I do then?

I didn't have the answer to any of these questions by the time we pulled up outside the gates of the Suoh family mansion. It was raining when I got out of the car, but I didn't ask to be taken up the drive to the front door. I wanted as much time as possible to compose myself. I instructed the driver to leave, counting on getting a lift home.

If indeed I went home tonight.

I pushed the thoughts away as absurd. We wouldn't have to go as far as that. It was Tamaki, after all.

Still, I think I was probably blushing as I was buzzed through. I stepped into the entrance hall, but left my shoes on. If I had to wear them, Tamaki jolly well had to see them. Shima was waiting for me.

"Good evening, Ootori-chan."

"Good evening, Shima-san." I replied. "I was hoping to see Tamaki."

At this point, a maid would usually scurry up to tell him I was here, and in theory come and escort me to wherever he was when he was ready. In practise, he usually came dashing right out and met me right there in the entrance hall. Today, however, neither of these things happened.

"I wish you luck." Shima sniffed. "I'm glad you're here, Ootori-chan, none of us can reach him. Oh, he smiled and said everything is fine; and given his usual tendency to overdramatic such a subdued response is worrying. Then he didn't eat dinner and won't receive anyone into his room... he won't even tell me what the matter is. The most I got out of him was that he'd done something 'bad' and now had to deal with the consequences! I'll admit, foolish as he is, I am slightly concerned."

For Shima to admit she was slightly concerned meant that, for most people, they would take whatever happened as a sign of the apocalypse. Had he really been that upset? I swallowed.

"Well, he will see me." I said, determinedly. "But we'll need some tea, if you could please arrange it, Shima-san, I'll take it up myself."

Shima gave me a look underneath her eyelids that I think, had I been of any other family, would have melted me into dust right there and blown away the pieces; a look that would see through people as easily as through a window. People would crumble and tell her anything just to avoid that scrutinising look. Thankfully, I was an Ootori, and had lived with my father some seventeen years. My expressions and emotions were concealed beneath a layer of stone that it would take more than a look to get through. So instead of my telling her everything and her then being able to sort it out, she was forced to trust me. She bowed without further comment, and moments later, I was on the upstairs landing, balancing a tea tray for two as I knocked on the door to his rooms. He didn't answer, so I walked in. I felt uncomfortable and anxious and just wanted to get things back to normal.

It took me a minute to find Tamaki. Unlike my room, which was very open and straight, built on two levels- an upper floor with my bed and wardrobe and the lower forming a kind of sitting room- his had been two rooms that had been knocked through. There was a bed to one side, his desk and drawers and wardrobe; and in front of them, in what would have been the other room, his small settee and table and television. Within all this there was plenty of nooks to fit yourself into, but I eventually located him sitting on the windowsill and staring out.

He looked very dramatic there. For a second, my heart beat a little faster, but I quickly suppressed it. Ootori didn't do things like that.

He didn't appear to have noticed my entrance at all, so I shut the door behind me and walked further into the room, setting the tea tray down on the table slightly more loudly than was necessary. He still didn't turn around.

"Tamaki." I tried. "Tea. Come, drink some."

"That's okay." He said, sounding so dazed I don't think he was really registering what he was saying, yet alone what I had said or who had said it. "I don't want any today. You drink it instead."

"I intend to." I answered, settling myself down before the table and pouring two cups. Unbelievably, he still hadn't turned around. I don't think he was even aware I was in the room. I was surprised, I'll admit, at how sad he seemed. For a moment, I was almost touched; but then the grief set in, and wrenched so hard at my stomach I acted without thinking.

I should explain at this point that I had never been the most affectionate person in the world. Yes, while we were dating, Tamaki and I kissed and hugged and held hands like any other couple, but he always initiated it and I usually ended it. I had certainly never said 'I love you' or anything else romantic, I couldn't bring myself to call him pet names as he did with me. I had never been comfortable with displays of emotion in any form, I hated even laughing in front of people and had to force myself. I simply wasn't that kind of person.

So that guilt must have pulled me really hard to make me cross the room so fast and wrap my arms around him. It wasn't comfortable, my hands somewhere over his chest and my face pressed awkwardly somewhere between his neck and shoulders. I felt him jump, startled, and crane his neck as best he could to see who this sudden assailant was.

"Kotoko...?"

"...Idiot."

Honestly, I considered myself reasonably intelligent and yet that was the best I could come up with. He squirmed slightly, manoeuvring himself until we were facing each other, my arms still around his neck, his hands placed hesitantly on my shoulders. "Kotoko." He repeated, surprised. "You're, you're here! B-but, I... I thought..."

"I know." I answered.

"I'm so sorry, I'm really, so, so, sorry! I was so stupid and insensitive, I promise I never meant to hurt you, though I know I did-"

"Tamaki." I tried. "It's alright."

"I promise, I'll make it up to you if such a thing can be done, I just wanted to prove to you that I really love you and it just went so wrong and I've been so stupid, I'm such an idiot, I'm so sorry, I'm really sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-"

"Tamaki, just forget about it. After all, I broke up with you, so..."

"It was so insensitive of me! After everything you had been through already with those horrible men, I can't believe I did that to you! I... I... I'm really-"

I kissed him. That was another first for me. Normally, as I've said, he would come to me and I would let him. But I didn't know how else to show him that I forgave him.

The slight irony of the moment didn't escape me, but I chose to push that particular thought away. Unfortunately, that just made me think how bad I was at kissing people. It wasn't like when he kissed me, when it was soft and romantic and whatever else. This was more like me shoving my lips onto his. I was less than accurate, too, so actually, I only caught the corner of them. Still, he got the message, and that was the main thing. He finally gave in and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to him.

"Don't scare me like that." He muttered. "I thought you hated me."

I went to reply, but something stopped me short. A dim memory I didn't know I'd kept. Something from a long time ago, before Tamaki and I were even dating, before that conversation with Fuyumi when I decided I should love him. I had been busy that day, I don't remember what with, but Tamaki had tried to call me and I hadn't answered. I called him back later that day, and when I explained what I'd been doing, he suddenly started laughing.

"Oh, thank goodness!" He exclaimed. "I thought you were mad at me! I thought you hated me!"

"...You got that from me not picking up the phone?" I sighed. "This is the fifth time you've thought something like that. You can't just decide we're not friends at the drop of a hat."

There was a long pause. Then, he was off.

"Ah! Ah, yes, I see! Of course, Kotoko cannot help but be my friend! I will continue to honour you with my presence! I too, am honoured by a friendship with such a beautiful and kind and sweet girl! I'm so glad you have overcome your shyness to enter with me into friendship! I know we'll always be friends, Kotoko! Always and always! Like the stars that never fade, I will always be with you! Our friendship will astound the world! We'll always be together!"

"...Do you listen to yourself?" I asked, irritated. A lifetime with Tamaki began to seem like it could get pretty annoying.

That strange conversation, so close to our beginning, chose to replay itself in my mind then, when we were so close to our end. His words were so silly, and so stupid. Yet, some cool, calculating part of my mind knew they were perfect. I forced them out, trying not to think about how ridiculous they were. If it got us back together, I would do it. I wouldn't ask for more.

"I'll continue to honour you with my presence." I teased. "Always and always, like the stars that never fade; I'll be here. Or something like that, right?"

"...Do you listen to yourself?" He chuckled, and kissed me properly. I gave an inward sigh of relief. It looked like everything would turn out fine.

"You know, the tea will go cold." I said, breaking away and pulling out of his embrace. He let go, reluctantly, but seemed happy enough as we went to sit together at the coffee table.

"Oh, sweetheart!" He said, as I sat. "You're wearing the shoes I bought for you! I'm so happy, I'll admit, I wasn't sure if you liked them."

"They were from you." I answered, and sipped at my mug.

"Yes, but I thought- oh." He said, realisation dawning, and he smiled, drank himself. Then he took a deep breath. "I really am sorry, darling. I didn't mean to... upset you."

"I overreacted." I answered. "Let's forget about it."

"Then, can I ask?" He said, cautiously. "I was wondering if... that was the only reason?"

"Excuse me?"

"Do you remember the morning before the day of the photoshoot?" He began, awkwardly. "I thought you seemed upset even that day, and the next... you were so preoccupied. I know there's something else troubling you. I wondered if it was just that you thought I liked one of the other girls, or that you were jealous but... that's not like you. So..."

His prompting fell silent. I sipped again, outwardly calm. Inside, my thoughts were whirring. Should I tell him about the dreams? He would only dismiss them as nightmares, and start fussing over me. I couldn't cope with that. It was hard enough to be strong without everyone expecting you to be weak.

"So..." Tamaki continued, seeing that I wasn't rushing to reply. "I won't ask for you to tell me, if you don't feel you can. But, just... I want to know so I can help! Even if I can't do anything... I want to be there for you!"

I met his eyes, and he looked back with such fierce determination and sincerity that I suddenly felt the urge to laugh. I stifled it disguised as a cough, and by the time I was finished, I knew what to say.

"Well, I did need to talk to you, Tamaki." I said, carefully. "My parents are starting to think about my future. They are considering... who my future husband should be."

"O-oh." He chocked, suddenly blushing. I thought at the time that it surely couldn't have been that much of a surprise to him. It wasn't unusual for girls to be engaged by the time they finished high school, though such arrangements usually lasted several years before a wedding took place. Of course, looking back, he probably thought I was onto him.

"And... I'm to meet with a... candidate, on Sunday." I finished. I was worried he would panic or retreat into one of his usual sulks, but he seemed to take it all remarkably calmly.

"Oh... who?"

"Fumio Nokue."

"Ah!" Tamaki said, sitting up straighter. "Nokue... they're the ones who built the school half a century ago!"

"That's them." I confirmed. "Their eldest son is Fumio... he's twenty-four right now. He'll be inheriting the company when his father retires."

"That's a seven year age gap." Tamaki observed. "That's not good. Although, it could always be worse."

"Yes." I agreed. I was uncertain of what he was trying to do. He was looking at this so detachedly. Like he didn't care. I suddenly realised it was for my benefit. He wanted me not to be influenced by worrying about him. He wanted me to decide for myself.

"And, I don't know how the company is doing nowadays, but they're certainly well-established. I'm sure your parents were very wise to-"

"Stop it." I snapped. "I don't want to marry him, Tamaki."

Tamaki didn't reply. I knew what he wanted to ask. I wasn't sure what answer I could give him. So I sipped my tea again, and then said, calmly.

"The only other person my parents are seriously considering is... you."

"O-oh. Good. I mean, grandmother hoped... I hoped..." Tamaki trailed off, sounding relieved and happy and embarrassed.

We finished the tea, talking of nothing in particular. After that, we decided to watch a film. I don't remember now what it was. I just remember how I gradually relaxed. I felt comfortable sitting there with him, knowing I was with him. Surely contentment was enough. Surely this was all the reason I needed?

Tamaki had interrupted my thoughts at that point. He had been usually quiet all night, normally he would shout things at the characters as he became steadily more involved in whatever we were watching. This time, the only one he spoke to was me.

"Kotoko, sweetheart?" He asked, looking down at me. He had put his arm around me some half hour before, and for once I hadn't shoved him off after a few minutes. "Promise me something."

"What?" I asked.

"Promise me..." He said slowly, almost teasingly. "That you'll trust me."

"I trust you." I answered, confused.

"Let me finish." He commanded. "You know I wouldn't hurt you on purpose, right?"

"Tamaki." I dismissed somewhat grumpily. "I don't think you'd purposefully hurt your worst enemy."

"I'd hurt Fumio!" He declared, dramatically. "For intending to steal my princess away!"

"Sure you would." I said, unconvinced. "Now, is there a point somewhere in all this?"

"Yes." He said, suddenly serious again. "I need you to promise that you'll trust me to love you."

"...Pardon?"

"Trust me to love you." Tamaki repeated. "I promised, didn't I? That a day would never come when I loved someone else? I meant it! So, promise me that you'll trust me to love you no matter how bad it seems!"

"That's a strange promise." I frowned. "Tamaki..."

"Please, Kotoko, love." He pressed. "It's as much for you as for me."

"Then I promise." I sighed.

"Really?" He brightened up immediately. "You do?!"

"Yes, Tamaki." I said, irritably. "Or weren't you listening?"

He laughed at my tone of voice and kissed me briefly on the top of my head. "Okay then, sleepy head, I think it's time I took you home. You're worn out."

"I didn't say that." I frowned.

"No, but it's getting late, and you're always grumpy when you're tired." He said, lightly. "It's so cute."

I hit him by way of reply, but allowed him to take me home. That night, I did not dream of my phantom, and I dared to believe I had found my purpose at last. I woke up early the next morning, and felt first surprise at my dreamless night, and then relief. Today, I was sure, would be a good day. Tamaki had asked me to go out with him later that morning, and I felt a little uncomfortable about it somehow, like it was wrong for me to do so. There was no reason for me to feel that way, and I supposed it was just down to nerves. I lay in bed a moment longer, convincing myself it would be a good day. If I believed it hard enough, I would enjoy myself. It was a simple matter of will power. I pulled myself out of bed and went to shower and get ready, not knowing what the day would hold.

It was a fairly average date, really. I had no idea where we would end up, as we hadn't made any specific plans; but, as usual, he had it all worked out. I had to smile when I saw he had a picnic basket in the car. Tamaki was one of those few people who thought that there was nothing wrong with a good cliché. It wasn't very 'me', but it was most definitely 'him'. Besides, we'd been on a few picnics together in the past, usually in the woods or in a park somewhere if the cherry blossoms were in season. That day, however, I remembered my surprise when we didn't go to either of these places. He took me to what appeared to be fields, stretching out as far as the eye could see, just a few minutes outside of the town centre.

"We have to walk a little way, okay, sweetie?" He asked me. I nodded my acceptance and got out of the car. Having told the driver to return in a few hours, Tamaki took up my hand with his spare one and guided me towards the entrance of the fields. I was perfectly capable of climbing over the stile myself, but he wanted to help, and for once I didn't have the heart to ignore the hand he offered to help me. I waited as he followed with the picnic basket, and then he took my hand again, and tugged me along.

I realised very soon that he was heading in too much of a specific direction, with too much speed and purpose in his stride, to be a normal stroll. I had thought he'd seemed somewhat wary since he had picked me up, and had put it down to him worrying about upsetting me again. Now I started to wonder if his strange behaviour was somehow all connected. I no more knew what was coming then than I knew how much of the world's water was contained in a single cow, or something obscure like that. I should have known, really.

We reached the summit of a hill, and as we looked down at the view, I suddenly realised where we were. There was an open air theatre Tamaki and I had visited together several times. However, on our previous trips, we had parked in the theatre's car park. I looked at him questioningly.

"I thought it would increase the suspense." He grinned. "Were you surprised?"

"A little." I admitted. "Especially as they're not in season yet. I guess we're not here to see a show?"

"Well, no..." He looked a little downcast for a moment, but then suddenly brightened. "But I phoned them up and chatted to them and then they said we could watch them rehearse! I just wanted to do something you'd enjoy, sweetheart."

"Thank you." I answered, not sure what else to say. "What are they practising?"

"Twelfth Night, I think." Tamaki told me, spreading the blanket he'd brought along not too far away from the stage. I wondered if he realised they probably wouldn't be wearing microphones so it would be hard to hear, but I didn't say anything. He really was trying his best to make me happy, and there was something gratifying about that. I went and sat down beside him, and we watched the performers move around on stage, catching the odd word here and there. They weren't rehearsing the scenes in order, of course, which in some ways made it more interesting to see. I was soon absorbed in the mechanics of it as we ate and our conversation dwindled. As such, I didn't notice Tamaki fiddling nervously with the edge of the blanket, or twiddling his fingers, or how he had to swallow several times before he spoke.

"Sweetheart..." He started, cautiously. "I..."

"Yes?" I asked, turning to face him. Even I couldn't fail to notice how he started blushing just slightly now he had my full attention. He didn't say anything, but kissed me instead- coming in slowly this time, so I could avoid it if I wanted to.

"Hey!" One of the actors, Sir Toby Belch, cat called. "I thought you said you wouldn't distract us, kid!"

Tamaki broke away to laugh slightly, resting his forehead against mine. I watched as he eventually leant back. When he opened his eyes, it was with renewed determination.

"I have to ask you something." He said, firmly. "I was going to wait, but... I don't want to miss my chance!"

I know what you're thinking. I should have guessed. Perhaps in those days I still had some of my naivety. I didn't guess even when he had been patting his pocket all day to check something was in there. In fact, it hadn't even occurred to me what he might be about to ask until he stood up.

I wondered why he did this, for a moment, and then he went down on one knee; and I finally understood.

"Kotoko," he said, forcing himself to meet my eyes. "Please, marry me?"

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A/N: Hahaha, well, were you all shocked? No, probably not. XD Disclaimers stand as usual!

On a note of random trivia, the 'making up' scenes were the first ones I thought of and this entire story spawned from them. That is, the scene where she went to see him to get him back was from a totally different story, but then I put Kotoko in there, and whoomp. A whole new story. Strange, isn't it?

Next time, in Chapter Five, Kotoko meets Fumio; but who will win her hand…? Please join me on Wednesday!