Six: Veil

But behind this veil of gentleness and peace, night is charging

I had woken in the early hours of Monday morning knowing I would, by then, be engaged to Fumio. Yet, I went to school wearing a ring. The ring. Tamaki's ring, or the one he had given me. And I had been fully permitted to do so.

How can I explain what had happened in the intervening hours? I'm not sure I understand it myself, completely. I dragged myself out of bed, dreading seeing Tamaki, got ready on autopilot with the words of my Phantom still dripping through my mind. I ate a little breakfast, and then my father suddenly said:

"Kotoko. Wear Tamaki's ring today."

"Father...?" I questioned, unsure whether I was to lead him on or if it meant something else.

"I have decided it would be better for you to marry him in the future." He said, without a hint of shame. "So you may wear his ring."

"May I ask why the change of mind?"

"I don't believe I had made up my mind to begin with." He answered, and that was all the explanation I ever got. I thought then, as I do now, that it was probably because he had expected Tamaki, or at least his family, to 'fight' for me if I was engaged to Fumio. To make the prize better, I suppose, or rather, the price higher. Perhaps the family would offer more if there was competition for me. It made me feel slightly sick.

Still, I was going to be with Tamaki, right? I had to convince myself that this was a good thing. I had decided I loved him. I had decided to love him. I had to. And I knew he would love me; and if he couldn't, he would believe he did; and if he couldn't believe he did, he would pretend he did; and if he couldn't pretend he did, he would still do his best that I would never know. Besides, I had to find my reason. Life couldn't always be what we wanted it to be. If this was the purpose my brother died for, as my phantom said, then I had to do it. I had to live with him, and, if I could, to love him.

I went back upstairs and put the ring on. Tamaki would be so happy when he saw it there.

And I was happy too, as much as I was ever capable of being so. At least it was better than Fumio. Still, I felt self-conscious when I thought about how visible it was. How everyone would put two and two together. Many of the girls in my year were engaged, and many more would be before we graduated. But still, there was something a little embarrassing about it. I would prefer not to wear it, frankly, but I knew how much it would mean to Tamaki if I did. So it stayed on my finger, though not for as long as I thought.

That day, however, I had to go to school like every other day. The only difference was of course that Tamaki had been unable to, for whatever reason, not pick me up that day. Somehow, that was worse; because it meant he would find out in school, rather than in relative privacy. I wasn't sure what he would do when he saw I was wearing his ring.

There was only one way to find out, of course, so I went to school. The first people I encountered, however, were the twins. This was mostly because they ran out of the classroom when I passed by the door and shouted after me.

"Kotoko-senpai, please, wait!"

I continued walking. If this was about designing my wedding dress, it could most definitely wait.

"Please!" Hikaru yelled. "Listen! It wasn't Tono's fault!"

"We told him to kiss you! Both times!" Kaoru tried. "So be mad at us, okay?"

I stopped, and turned. "What are you two talking about?" I asked, calmly.

"Don't break up with Tono!"

Aha. I realised then what must have happened. Either they had contacted Tamaki to see how it had all gone and he had told them we had broken up, or he had phoned them in a tizzy. He must have forgotten to contact them since, presumably leaving them wracked with guilt. It was touching in a way, that they were so worried. Or that they thought Tamaki and I had a relationship worth preserving.

"We haven't." I told them, turning to leave again. As I did so, the light caught on my ring and glinted slightly. I just had time to see how Kaoru's gaze flicked to it, and the smile that bloomed on his face. I took a step forward, hoping to get away, but it wasn't meant to be. He grabbed my hand.

"And what's this?" He asked, admiring the ring.

"It's a dressing table." I spat, sarcastically.

"Hey, Hikaru, look!" He continued, paying me no heed at all. "Someone's getting married..."

"Not yet." I snapped. "It'll be a few years yet!"

"A blushing bride." Hikaru teased, commenting on the flush that was spreading across my features. "Come on, why are you embarrassed? We all knew it was coming."

"Exactly." Kaoru agreed. "So, when did he ask you? He went down on one knee, right?"

"I don't kiss and tell." I said, primly, dragging my hand away. "Besides, Tamaki doesn't even know my father approved him yet, so..."

"Kiss and tell?" Hikaru said, smirking. "Was kissing all you did, Kotoko-senpai...?"

I just rolled my eyes, and the twins laughed. By this time, Haruhi had appeared to find out what all the noise was about.

"Haven't you two caused enough trouble for Kotoko-senpai?" She asked, mildly. "Leave her alone already."

The twins complied with her demand to a certain extent, in that they let me go at last and went and draped themselves around her neck instead. "But we're celebrating..." They drawled in unison. "Tono finally asked her!"

"Asked her what?" Haruhi frowned in confusion. "You told me yesterday they'd..." She trailed off, looking slightly guiltily at me.

"We didn't." I frowned. "...Essentially, anyway."

"Did you or didn't you?" Haruhi asked, confused.

"They did." Kaoru confirmed.

"Just not for very long, from the looks of this." Hikaru finished, suddenly grabbing my wrist and flourishing the ring in front of her. "Kotoko-senpai and Tono are getting married!"

"...Congratulations." She said, so stiffly that even the twins couldn't fail to notice the tone of her voice. I saw Kaoru look away awkwardly, and knew he was as aware as me of Haruhi's feelings; and both of us probably more than she was. Hikaru, on the other hand, seemed totally confused.

"What's up, Haruhi?" He asked. "It's a bit rude, you know?"

"Ah, sorry." Haruhi answered, back to her usual tone. "I was just thinking... aren't you a little young to be getting married? I mean, you're both still in High School..."

"It wouldn't be for a while yet." Kaoru reassured her. "After Tono finishes Uni, probably."

"Besides, how old was your dad when they had you? Like, sixteen?"

"He was nineteen!"

I took the opportunity to slip away, trying to stop my heart from pounding. Why did it feel as if I had been found out as a fraud? Why was there this guilt eating away at the edges of my heart? I remember that, on that day, those questions kept swirling round and round in my mind until I wanted to scream aloud. I can't remember anything we did in the lessons that morning. I don't think I was paying any attention to anything but the door. I was desperately trying to convince myself I hadn't 'stolen' Tamaki. I was his girlfriend. Weren't we in love? We were getting married, but that didn't necessarily mean anything. But loving him was my reason, wasn't it? For the first time in my life, seeing Tamaki was not something I just had to do. It was something I wanted, and needed more desperately than I could have imagined. I think I somehow convinced myself that when I saw him, everything would be okay.

He came in just before the end of the break between morning classes. I watched him come in, and wondered if my heart should be beating faster or if I should be blushing. I waited, but none of those things happened. I think that was when despair began to move into the darkest corners of my mind.

"Oh, good morning, sweetheart!" He said, overenthusiastically, and sat down in front of me without looking at me again. I felt how uncomfortable he was. "Class is about to start, isn't it? We'll have to talk at lunch!"

"Tamaki..." I tried, but found I couldn't say it. "How was your appointment?"

"Oh, just fine." He answered, still not looking at me. "It was just a little filling! Did I miss much this morning?"

"No." I said, beginning to grow irritated. I wished he'd look at me.

"...How was your thing yesterday?" He asked, suddenly, turning towards me a little more. "With Fumio-san?"

"Tamaki." I answered. "Look at me."

He did, a second later, and I waved my hand in front of his face.

"It's your ring I'm wearing, Tamaki."

He stared at it for a long second. "Kotoko..." He muttered, shocked. "But... your father... won't he...?"

I considered how to reply for a second. Tamaki seemed to think I had defied my family's wishes and insisted on marrying him. I didn't want to disillusion him, but on the other hand, I didn't want him to worry about my father disowning me. "He changed his mind." I said, in the end. "He... I chose you."

"Kotoko." Tamaki said again, and suddenly stood so he could lean over the desk and kiss me, right there in the middle of the classroom, in front of everyone. I had never had an audience to my kissing before. I couldn't really think of anything worse, except pushing him away in front of everyone. So I bore it, and tried my best to lose myself in it. It wasn't bad, but still, I was glad when the teacher arrived and said, in a tone of wry amusement:

"If you wouldn't mind putting Miss Ootori down for a moment, Mr Suoh, people might pay attention to me instead of you."

"Ah, oh, um... sorry." Tamaki stammered, embarrassed, to the further amusement of the class. I met no-one's eyes, staring down at my book and trying not to look ashamed. I knew everyone would be looking with renewed interest at the ring on my finger, and what they would be talking about. I forced myself to concentrate on my classes, and excused myself from every conversation about my new relationship status. Unfortunately, when the Host Club closed for the day, there was no escaping the inquisition.

"Ahhhh, I'm exhausted." Tamaki groaned, flopping onto one of the settees. "They all wanted to know if I had given you that ring willingly, Kotoko, my love. What I was meant to say...?"

"Senpai, could you at least pretend to help?" Haruhi snapped irritably, collecting used plates onto a tray. She went ignored as the twins resumed their attack.

"What did you say?" They asked in chorus.

"If you said you did, the fangirls might get upset,"

"...But if you say you didn't, Kotoko-senpai might be."

"I'm not upset." I answered. I went ignored too, as Tamaki went into a full-scale panic. In the end, however, I calmed him down; reminding him that the fangirls had always been aware of our relationship, and he had said countless things to pacify them in the past. Then it turned out he hadn't even denied that he had given it to me willingly. What a foolish boy.

I will confess at this point that I watched Haruhi almost the entire time we were talking, trying to gauge her reaction. If she, like Tamaki, hadn't realised her feelings yet, surely it was just possible that we could come out of all this without anyone getting hurt? It wasn't like Haruhi wouldn't have admirers lined up around the block. Someone like that would never be lonely. Happiness would seek her out and stay with her. I would have to find it and fight for it and struggle to keep it. I hadn't done anything wrong. Tamaki was so happy that day. I tried to be. This was right, I kept reminding myself. If my brother really had somehow died in my place, it was my responsibility to use life correctly, despite my misgivings. This was right.

That evening, I was a little late home because Tamaki's goodbye was more enthusiastic than usual, and that was after we have escaped from the taunting of the twins together with their demands to design my dress and Honey-senpai's questions about cake. I remember thinking they were all getting somewhat ahead of themselves as Tamaki and I wouldn't be marrying for a few years yet, but it seemed my parents had caught the bug too. I entered my room, only to find my mother was waiting there, with two of the maids and Ichijoji-san, who I had met several times before. He worked for the Hitachiin company, and usually came to take my measurements when we were ordering a formal outfit for me. I had been to a business party just the month before, so I was sure I couldn't have changed sizes very much- not enough to warrant another measuring session, anyway. I began to get a sinking feeling. I hadn't been aware of any approaching event, but it must have been one of considerable importance if it was so integral that my dress fitted just so. I hated those kind of dresses. It felt as though no-one ever looked higher than my neckline, and usually lower. Still, I forced a smile, and bowed in greeting.

"Mother, Ichijoji-san. I'm sorry, if I'd known you were waiting for me, I would have been quicker."

"Never mind, you're here now." My mother dismissed. "Stand on the stool please, Kotoko, and let Ichijoji-san measure you."

I did as she asked, holding my arms up in compliance. I waited until he had started so my obedience could not be doubted, and then I dared to say:

"I doubt my measurements have changed much in the last month." I ventured. "Is this a particularly important occasion?"

I should had guessed from the way Ichijoji-san chuckled to himself at this what was coming. My mother's embarrassment came out in the form of a frustrated tone of voice.

"Of course it's important, Kotoko." She said. "It's for your wedding dress."

"My wedding dress?" I repeated, frowning. "Isn't that a little in advance?"

"Your father conferred with Tamaki's family this afternoon." My mother answered calmly. "The date of the ceremony has been set for the end of the month." I must have been staring blankly at her, because the very next thing she said was: "Kotoko, try not to look so vulgar, please."

"Sorry, mother." I said absently, just as Ichijoji-san said: "A little higher please, Ootori-san."

I did as he asked, though my mind was running in circles without reaching any conclusion. The idea that I could be a married woman, and to Tamaki, by the end of the month seemed so laughable. On the other hand, I knew exactly why he had done it. It could only be because I had said Tamaki liked someone else. My words had sealed my own fate. I should have known that my father had always intended me to marry Tamaki. I must have been blind not to see it. This had all been a game to drive my price up. I wondered what the conditions of the engagement were. True, it was mostly to assure that the Suoh and the Ootori would continue to work together, but no doubt my father had demanded 'assurance' that Tamaki would be a worthy match for me, whether he inherited his family's company or not. I wondered what it was. I didn't have to wait long to find out. As soon as Ichijoji-san left, I was summoned to my father's rooms.

"Did your mother tell you?" He demanded as soon as I went in, before I even had chance to greet him. Nor did he give me chance to answer, launching straight into his tirade. "You're to marry the Suoh boy on the last Saturday of the month, so we don't have much time to organise everything. We'll have to get the word out as soon as possible, but we'll be restricted in how many formal visits you can receive. Oh well, as long as we throw a decent ceremony it won't matter. Now, Kotoko, the wedding will be at one, followed by the reception at five. You'll need to leave by eleven because you'll be going straight on your honeymoon. I'm afraid you'll only be going for two weeks because of missing school, but you're young, it will be time enough."

"Father." I said, interrupting in an appropriate pause. "May I ask? Why so soon? I mean, surely, it's more customary-"

"Customs have nothing to do with it." He overrode me. "Didn't you want to marry him?"

"When Fumio-san was the alternative, I-"

"Well then." He said, impatiently. "Why wait? You could have a whole family before you're twenty."

I wondered if this was meant to be somehow appealing. "But I was hoping to finish school."

"You don't need to finish school." He dismissed. "Tamaki will support you, and before that, his family will support you both. It's all taken care of."

"And if he doesn't inherit the company?" I asked, stiffly. "You said it yourself; it's not certain. He isn't the Superintendent's legitimate son."

"It is certain." My father dismissed. "It was made so this afternoon. If we guaranteed that you would marry Tamaki, they would guarantee that he would inherit the company."

"...Why?" I asked.

"This alliance is mutually beneficial." He replied. "But it will only be good for us if he inherits the company. As for the Suoh... well, I suppose they need him to do something useful. You will marry him at the end of the month."

Something in me wanted to argue, but it didn't know why. After all, I knew I had to marry Tamaki, and try to love him. More importantly, perhaps, I had to make him love me. Then, somehow, that would make up for the life that Kyouya never lived. It had to be something more than money or business. My reason to be had to be bigger. Love was all I could think of.

It was a little soon. But we would make it work. We had to. When my father released me, I steadied myself, and called Tamaki.

"Kotoko, my love!" He answered. "How nice to hear from you!"

I knew from his tone then that he hadn't heard. I had expected panic, or excitement, or both; but more or less in that order.

"Kotoko, sweetheart?" He said, and I realised I had yet to answer. "Are you okay?"

"Fine." I asked. "It's just... are you on your own?" I asked this because I had visions of what his immediate reaction might be, and that he may not want that to be in front of other people.

"H-huh?" He said, but didn't wait for an explanation. "Alright, I'll go upstairs. I'll be back in a minute, Haruhi."

"Haruhi?" I asked, for a moment distracted. "Haruhi is there?"

"Yes." Tamaki answered. "I did tell you, darling. My father invited Haruhi and Ranka-san around for dinner. You were invited too, but you said you didn't want to..."

"Oh, yes." I remembered his two day long sulk very well. "With everything that's been going on, I appear to have lost track of the date."

"Well, never mind! You have my full attention!" He said earnestly. "What did you want to talk about? I'll help however I can!"

"They really haven't told you...?" I muttered, not really intending it as a question. "Tamaki, when I got home, I was measured for my wedding dress."

"Really?! How exciting!" He said, cheerfully. "Ah, but, you mustn't tell me about the design! That would be bad luck! I think..."

"Tamaki." I said, trying to remain calm even when he wasn't getting it. "Don't you think I might change size or shape in the next few years?"

"Oh, um... no..." He clearly wasn't sure what to say. "You must never worry about getting fat!"

"That isn't what I meant!" I snapped, and then I sighed. "I was being measured for my dress because our families have decided we are to marry at the end of the month."

"The end of the...?" He repeated, trailing off.

"Yes." I said. "That's in two and a half weeks." I added helpfully.

"But... it's so soon!"

"I know."

"And there's so much to do!"

"I know."

"What if we're not ready in time?!"

"We will be." I said, grimly. "My father will make sure of that. Not that it would really matter if we weren't. That's when it's happening, regardless."

"...But we're still in high school..." He whispered nervously. "We're not even eighteen."

"We have our parent's permission to marry." I countered. "They've obviously decided there's no need to wait.

There was a pause of some length, but then Tamaki spoke with new determination. "They're right! We're going to spend our whole lives together, why shouldn't we start now?! I'm happy! This is a good thing, darling!"

"Do you think so?" I asked.

"Don't you?" He said, sounding slightly hurt. "Kotoko, my love, listen! I know we're young, but I know we'll be fine. I love you."

"Yes, well... you too."

"Don't worry." He reassured me. "It'll be just fine. More than fine, it will be wonderful! I'm excited!"

"...Alright. Now, you should be getting back to your guests. This is poor hosting, Tamaki."

"Oh, you're right." He chuckled. "I'll be going then. I'll call you later! I love you!"

He hung up before I had time to reply, and went back to Haruhi. I wondered if I shouldn't feel jealousy, or irrational anger. Instead, I just felt indifference. Some part of me had accepted it as inevitable, for now. In less than three weeks, we would be married. I could loan him to Haruhi until then.

Or perhaps my indifference was because I had bigger issues on my mind. All I could feel was bitterness that I would not be finishing high school. In another life, perhaps I would have aimed at University, and a career, before getting married. In this life, I hadn't dared hope for any ambition greater than finishing school. Now even that was unobtainable.

But then, as I reminded myself, in another life, I was dead, and my brother had his place- and probably put it to better use. I had taken this life, and I had to justify my having it, whatever dreams or desires- mine or other people's- had to be sacrificed along the way.

The next day, back at school, the sudden announcement of our wedding was the main topic of discussion among our friends and the families that had been informed and invited. The hosts, at least, waited until the customers had disappeared before launching into their questions. I let Tamaki handle it.

"The end of the month?" Haruhi repeated, flummoxed. "But I thought you were going to wait till you were older... You haven't even finished school!"

"Yeah, but if it's going to happen, why wait?" The twins shrugged in unison.

"Ah, but, speaking of school..." Honey-senpai interrupted sadly. "Does this mean you two will be leaving, Tama-chan?"

"What?!" Hikaru demanded.

"You can't leave!" Kaoru insisted.

"Of course I'm not!" Tamaki soothed. "We'll miss a little time for the honeymoon, I guess, but then we'll be right back!"

Everyone else seemed to relax a little. I, on the other hand, was more alert then ever.

"We?" I questioned. "You... don't want me to quit school?"

"Huh?" Tamaki blinked in confusion. "I thought it would be fun to go to school together... and if you didn't I wouldn't see you as much... ah, but, if you don't want to-!"

"Not like she has anything better to do." The twins pointed out.

"Nonsense! If Kotoko wants to take up her position running the household, then-"

"No." I interrupted, quickly. "I want to finish school."

"Then you will!" He beamed. "It'll be fun!"

"Oh, great." Haruhi muttered to no-one in particular. "They'll be coming in with matching bento boxes..."

Everyone, bar Tamaki and I, laughed. He didn't because he didn't get it. I just couldn't help but think she was probably right. However, even if Tamaki was a little embarrassing, it would be worth it if I could graduate. My father was right in that it would do me little good, when it wasn't like I would ever need to get a job. But somehow, it was important to me. I was never more determined that I could love Tamaki then in that moment when he told me I could finish my high school education. He saw me smile, and was happy too. There were so few moments of happiness in our relationship after the time I had first dreamt of my phantom, but that was one of them.

I had seen so much of my phantom and my brother by then that I was becoming adept at pushing it out of my mind during the day. There were some terrors that were best confined to the night, and were left to lurk in the darkness of my mind. We were so busy in those weeks with wedding preparations that, thankfully, I scarcely had time to dwell on my dreams. I saw endless scenes in those days, from all times of his life; but most from his high school days, with Tamaki and the twins, Haruhi, Honey and Mori-senpai; the customers, and all the rest. Sometimes I thought he seemed to be doing a much better job of it than I was. He knew what he wanted, I discovered. He was out to get it.

The night before my wedding, I was sure it would be the last time I would see my phantom- if I even managed to sleep. Try as I might, the knot of nerves in my stomach would not untangle itself. I didn't even know what I was nervous about. Perhaps in case it didn't work. Yet there was some part of me that, just as it longed to be free of the dreams, longed to keep them. They were my only way to know my brother, although he would never know me. I wondered sometimes, as I still do, how our two lives might have been different, had we only inhabited the same world.

I didn't know it at the time, but I was already two-thirds of the way along the road to madness. The dreams had unhinged something in me, detracted from my judgement, and ran my life. Yet at the time I thought they were to save me, by telling me my reason to be. The night before I got married, I saw them again. Yet, perhaps reacting to what was on my mind, it was Tamaki I saw first, standing at the front of a Church. He looked older, too old for this to be our wedding. He looked as one imagined a groom to look. Mid-twenties, perhaps. Happy. A little nervous, gradually drifting into the realms of panic. Kaoru squeezed his way out of his seat and came to talk to him.

"Tono..." He said, cautiously. "I'm not being funny, but the guy has another wedding to do this afternoon..."

"No! Wait a little longer!" He pleaded.

So he was left waiting at the altar. I wondered if it was because I wasn't there.

"But, Tono-" Kaoru tried.

"I'm not getting married without my best man being here!" Tamaki insisted. Ah, not me, then. But quite probably my brother. Where was he? I had never dreamt this world without seeing him before.

"Tono." Kaoru tried to reason with him. "We can't wait all day. I'm sure someone could stand in. Hey, I'll do it, if you want..."

"But Kyouya has the rings!" He wailed.

"Someone will lend you theirs, just for the ceremony." Kaoru said, with the pleading air that suggested they'd been through this before. "Just get on with it!"

Before Tamaki could answer, they were joined by a man with long hair. I didn't recognise him because I only saw him from the back.

"You!" He said, not sounding too pleased. "What's the hold up?"

"Ah... Ranka-san... Kyouya isn't here yet, so-"

"That's a shame, but it can't be helped!" He snapped. "My daughter asked me to give you a message. She said: 'Now or never'. I don't think she's very happy."

His tone very much suggested he would prefer 'never', or at least pretended to.

"But...I..." Tamaki froze, indecisive. Sighing, Kaoru pulled his mobile phone out of his pocket and handed it to him. Tamaki phoned Kyouya.

"Kyouya!" He barked. "Where are you?! I should be married by now! We can't wait any longer!"

"We're just coming up to the Church now." Kyouya snapped. "I'm sorry, the plane was late. Now, be patient." He hung up.

"Plane...?" Tamaki wondered, handing the phone back to Kaoru. Before he had time to explain, the door opened. My brother was there with a woman holding his elbow who I'd only seen in a smuggled photograph. Tamaki's mother. How on earth had he found her?

I wish I had been paying attention to Tamaki's face. I wish I had seen the expression it held when he saw her face. As it was, I just saw him running down the aisle and headlong into an embrace with his mother. He was taller than her now. She held him for a long moment. I think she was crying.

"Tamaki." She said, softly, then pushed him away. "Go on, go on, now. It's not me you should be clinging too! I'll see you later."

So Tamaki returned to the top of the aisle, my brother beside him.

"Kyouya..." Tamaki was saying, unable to express what he wanted to say.

"Surprise." He offered, lamely. "I apologise for being late. All did not go according to plan."

"Kyouya-" He said, again, but someone had obviously given the nod to the minister because just then the music began.

I didn't see the bride before I woke up. In the dull pre-dawn light that was just peering into my rooms, I could see the ghostly spectre of my dress, standing in wait on a faceless mannequin. It was covered by a dress bag. I had yet to see it. I wondered what was lying in wait for me.

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A/N: Ahhh, what a U-turn from her father… I hope I explained his reasoning well enough. He intended her to marry Tamaki all along, it was just a gamble to try and make the Suoh more desperate to win her. Or something. XD Disclaimers as standard!

On a note of random trivia, I've been trying to get the idea of Kyouya bringing Tamaki's mother to his wedding into a fic for ages. And now I have! Win.

Next time, then, the wedding… thanks for reading!