NOTE: This chapter sees the introduction of some adult themes, for those of you who don't like that kind of thing. However, please note that it's 'themes' and not 'content'. XD Basically, those of you who are about to become worried, please don't. :P

Eight- Happiness

What do we do now, now that we are happy?

The next morning I woke up fully clothed, alone in a double bed. More precisely, it was the same morning- as we had arrived at around five am- about four hours later, when Tamaki woke me gently.

"Breakfast!" He said cheerfully. "I made it for you, as we have to fend for ourselves this time!"

"We do?" I asked, blinking in confusion.

"Yes." He answered, looking slightly embarrassed. "Apparently, our parents thought we might appreciate the 'alone time', so they gave the staff here the time off."

"Oh." I said, not sure what else to say. Tamaki then hastily placed an admittedly poorly made breakfast tray in front of me. Toast and cereal, nothing too ambitious, so it was presumably still edible. Still, I had never liked breakfast in bed.

"Shall we sit at the table?" I suggested, and we moved to a small dining room. There was a wooden table there, set on a laminate floor in front of a large window looking out on the ocean. It suddenly occurred to me, as I woke up, that I genuinely had no idea where we were. Tamaki laughed when I asked, but told me we were in a little coastal town called Hoshigo. I had never heard of it, and he assured me hardly anyone had. Apparently it was usually a commoner holiday hotspot, and the money was made because those that did discover it came back again and again. Still, it was off the tourist path, so it was quite beautiful. Haruhi had been there as a child with her mother and father, apparently. We were staying in a small cottage on the cliff top that was available for hire. I asked if the driver had gone home too, and what we were to do.

"Well," Tamaki replied, easily, "If we find a need for a car, we can always hire one."

"You can drive?" I asked in surprise, and he broke out into a huge grin that suggested he had been searching desperately for a situation to tell me without ruining the dramatic unveiling.

"Yes!" He said happily. "I learnt last month! I thought it might be useful. Are you surprised?"

"Yes." I admitted, and wondered privately if he would be surprised that I had been taught to cook in the time of our brief engagement. Apparently it was a necessary skill for a wife, if she was going to have servants or not; so I was obliged to spend most afternoons after school in the kitchen with my parent's cook, assisting with making the meals. It seemed it was a good job. Judging by the mess Tamaki had somehow created just with cereal and toast, I may have starved otherwise. "Did you pass your test already?"

"That's right!" He sang. "Apparently I'm a natural."

"You're a natural idiot..." I countered, but quietly, so he couldn't hear me. I quickly turned the discussion to the day's activity. We weren't sure what we should do, so in the end, we had a wander around the town- which was mostly little inns and restaurants- and on the beach, as well as lazing around in the house. I wanted to read, so I went to fully investigate my suitcase. Two, in fact. That morning I had dug no deeper than for a change of clothes and the basic toiletries in the smaller of the pair. These things had been on the top. Now it was time to discover what had been meant by 'everything'.

There were clothes, to begin with, lots of them; and many of them unfamiliar and new. Then there were shoes, seemingly endless pairs. There had to be one for every day we were going to be away. Then there were the other things. Some were innocent, like tissues and sanitary items 'just in case'. Others... were not. For one thing, there was lingerie so skimpy I wasn't even quite sure how I was to put it on, which I wasn't about to. For one thing, it would probably give Tamaki a heart attack when I rarely even wore a skirt above the ankle. For another, it looked uncomfortable in the extreme. However, it was fairly clear that the point was not to keep them on for very long. Perhaps my parents were hoping for a honeymoon conception of a grandchild.

"What are you doing?" Tamaki asked, entering the room.

"Nothing." I barked, shoving the underwear away and making a mental note to burn it later.

"Alright." Tamaki replied, hovering awkwardly in the doorway. Before we had been able to sit quite comfortably in silence, sometimes for entire afternoons. I suppose now we were married we felt something should have changed between us. I know what was weighing on the back of my mind. There were certain 'marital expectations' that we had yet to fulfil. I wondered if Tamaki was waiting to. I was his wife, it was what we were supposed to do. He was probably just waiting for me, but I hadn't the slightest idea how to begin. I wasn't even wanting to, particularly. There were a lot of different views of sex, but I was fairly sure it wasn't supposed to be seen as a chore.

So instead of fulfilling certain marital expectations, we snuggled up on the sofa together and watched films. The subject wasn't raised. Nor was it raised that night as we went to bed. For a moment we stood awkwardly by it, and, unable to take the tension any more, Tamaki announced he would get changed in the bathroom, picked up his pyjamas and left. Embarrassed, I quickly changed into my own nightdress and stood by the bed for a moment, shivering slightly in the cold. The truth was, I didn't like nightdresses very much at all. I normally wore conventional pyjamas, but these were all that had been packed for me. I wondered with a slight twist of dread what Tamaki's intentions were. What was I supposed to do? Should I pose on the bed somehow?

Then I decided definitely not. If he wanted something, let him initiate it. Personally, I was willing to put it off for as long as I could. I slid under the duvet and waited. After a little while he joined me, slipping in on the other side. We wished each other goodnight and lay awkwardly in the darkness, as far from one another as possible, stiff and still. I was still acutely aware of how close he was. Did he want me to behave as his wife? I didn't know.

I didn't sleep much that night. Still, I was glad when it was over. I arose early and made a proper cooked breakfast for us both. That was one 'wifely duty' I could fulfil. The smell of bacon must have woken Tamaki, because while I was frying it, he came and wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his head on my shoulder.

"Mmm, it smells good..." He said, sleepily.

"Yes, well, it'll be done in a moment if you let me get on." I countered, trying to wriggle out of his grip.

"I'd rather not." He said, in his silken host tone, and suddenly I was being dragged back. He sat down on a chair and I somehow ended up on his lap, still holding the fish slice I had been using.

"Tamaki." I said, torn between irritation and amusement. "The bacon will burn."

"Tough." He teased, and kissed me. I bore this patiently for a moment, hoping it would all be fine, but I didn't get away in time. There was the faintest wisp of smoke and the sprinkler system was set off. An indoor downpour began.

"Ahhh!" Tamaki shrieked, as it came down directly on his head- and on everything else.

I couldn't help it. I laughed. There was something so ridiculous about this whole situation. Tamaki started laughing too, and we sat there, almost in hysterics.

"It's been so long since I saw you laugh." He murmured, playing with a sodden strand of my hair.

"It's not my fault you look so absurd." I informed him as the sprinklers finally clicked off. "Great, and now we can start cleaning up."

It was a nice day, and bizarrely, certainly the one in which we most acted like a couple on their honeymoon. As we cleaned, it was inturrupted by many water fights, joking tiffs, and kissing. We were closer than we had ever been. We went out for dinner in a place where we could watch the sun setting over the ocean. We took a long stroll in the cool night air afterward, and when we got back, the dark feeling that had been creeping on me all day made itself ever more known. There was only one reason Tamaki would be behaving this way. Tonight, the third night of our marriage, was to be 'the' night.

Nerves clamoured at my stomach and mind until I felt sick. Yet, I had to do it. I was his wife, it was my duty. My reason. I just had to lie back and try to enjoy it. Tamaki was clearly anticipating it; he seemed a little nervous, and blushed whenever he glanced my way. He went to get changed again, and I did the same. I wondered if I should break out the lingerie after all. Would it help? But the idea made me feel even worse. I would just lie back, close my eyes, and wait for it to be over. I put on my nightdress instead, and busied myself by straightening the bed instead, trying to calm my nerves. I looked up only when I heard the door opening. Tamaki stood there self-consciously in his pyjamas. All the buttons on the shirt were done up wrong.

"How did you get in such a mess?" I tutted, going and undoing them. "Here, let me."

"Kotoko..."

"It's okay." I joked, going to do them up again. "What else are wives for?"

"Kotoko." He said again, voice quivering slightly. "Leave them." His hands grasped mine. I felt they were trembling a little. I wondered if he was as nervous as I was. If so, why were we doing this?

There was no time to think. We sat on the bed and kissed, but got no further. We might have done. His shirt had slid off somehow. Surely my clothing would have been next, if Tamaki had only had the courage. But he stopped, because of me.

"Kotoko? A-are you okay?"

"Fine. I'm sorry." I answered, not opening my eyes from where they had been squeezed shut, trying to block out memories that had so suddenly surfaced. "I'm sorry... I... I was just thinking about that time after the photoshoot."

I dared to open my eyes, just in time to see Tamaki's look of shock fade into one of sorrow. I don't think either of us had realised until then just how much that event had effected me. I had buried the memories deeply away where I hadn't been able to see them. Now they reared their heads again, and the fear I was so ashamed of returned.

"Kotoko." Tamaki said softly, and, I noticed, with no small relief. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry! Don't feel you have to do anything you don't want to! It's okay. It's okay..." He embraced me briefly. That night we went to sleep just as we had the night before, awkwardly, on opposite sides of the bed. We never spoke of what we had almost done.

That night, my phantom returned. He wasn't happy.

At first, my dream was dark. There was nothing in it but the voice, hissing, whispering and furious in both ears at once.

"What are you doing?!" He demanded. "What are you playing at?! Do you think this is your reason?! I thought you were trying to find it! Don't you know what your reason is?!"

"Leave me alone." I tried, willing my voice to stay level, but it quaked anyway. "Show me my brother. Why aren't you showing me my brother?!"

"You want to see your brother?!" He answered angrily. "Fine! Here he is! See the life lost instead of yours!"

A million images. One after another, too fast, all at once, overlapping, on top of one another. Words. Voices. Thoughts, emotions, a deluge of abstract concepts I could not grasp; a lifetime in a second and a thousand scenes in a moment. The images came too fast, and too furiously, like flashes of colour, all I could feel was anger and fear. I could make no sense of them, nothing would stand still, and yet there was something terrifying in that. I was lost. There was no 'I'. I saw a world where I did not, should not, could not exist and yet I saw it. I was to disappear, dissolved into the images racing past me. There was nothing to hold onto. My head hurt with a pain that was unimaginable, I couldn't think, couldn't see, could only feel as I disappeared-

And then I was in the bed with Tamaki. I was myself, in my place, yet I knew I was still dreaming. I sat up slowly, filled with a feeling of dread. Just for a second, a fleeting moment, I saw him; and he saw us. Kyouya saw us. Dreaming of me. I was nothing more than a dream. And he saw me.

"Kotoko! Sweetheart! Wake up!"
I awoke once again to Tamaki shaking me. "Kotoko, darling..." He said, gently, sounding almost amused. He probably thought it was 'cute'. "Are you okay? It seemed like you were having a nightmare."

I wanted to answer him, but the terror of the dream had yet to shake itself from me. I could barely breathe, I certainly couldn't talk. Yet my thoughts raced. He had seen us. He had dreamt us. And that whole life. Was I real? Was I here? What was happening? I didn't know what I was so afraid of, but it wouldn't go away.

"Kotoko?" He asked again, turning on the light. I wasn't expecting it, it was too sudden. He saw my tears before I could hide them. "Darling... you're crying..."

I covered my face with my hands. They were trembling.

"Oh, Kotoko..." He whispered. "Come here. Don't cry..." He pulled me close, and any self-control I'd scraped back was immediately vanquished.

I don't remember much else about that night. I dread to think what Tamaki thought. It must have frightened him too, to see me in such a state. I had never shown this side of myself to anyone before. But he swallowed it back, and held me close, stroked my hair. I said 'He saw us... he saw us, he saw us...' and Tamaki said 'ssh', or 'there's nobody here', or 'it's just me. You're safe, you're safe'; and reassured me as if I was a child. I went back to sleep eventually, and he still didn't let go. We lay there together until dawn.

I woke up first, because his breath was tickling my ear. I looked at his sleeping face, and between the recollection of what had passed the night before- and what hadn't- and the sudden awareness that we had never before been so close together, I blushed slightly. Only slightly, though. Frankly, I had never really been one for blushing. If anything more than the very tips of my ears were lightly flushed, it meant I was at the ground-swallowing stage. I untangled myself as best I could from him and went to shower. When I remerged, he was already dressed and looking at the cooker in confusion.

"Don't touch it." I instructed. "You'll probably set yourself on fire."

"Ahh! Kotoko, sweetheart, good morning!" He said, with false cheeriness, coming to embrace me. "...How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." I said lightly. "And you?"

"I'm famished!" He declared, dramatic as always.

"I'll fix us something." I said, with false cheerfulness of my own, fetching eggs from the fridge. "Boiled or scrambled?"

"Scrambled!" He cheered, as I knew he would. Personally, I preferred boiled. I scrambled the eggs. It took me sometime, but then, I hadn't much practise. Tamaki said it was delicious, apparently forgetting that I was eating it too and knew it was mundane at best. Still, it did the job, and then we did our job of wandering again around the town, determined not to raise the subject of the dream, or what we had not done.

As we walked through the town that day, along the sea front, we heard strange music, played by amateurs on a pipe and drum. Someone was singing, too. When I recognised the words, I couldn't help slowing my pace a little.

"Come unto these yellow sands, and then take hands: Courtsied when you have, and kiss'd, The wild waves whist..."

"What is it?" Tamaki asked, stopping. I stopped too, looking down onto the beach. There was a space marked out across the sea front, and people sitting on the sand before it. With their back to the ocean, some actors were playing out The Tempest. "Oh!" Tamaki said, delighted. "They must be a local amateur company..."

I did not reply, watching Ferdinand and Miranda's first meeting as it unfolded, watching the actors playing out the story right there on the beach, without a scrap of scenery and no effects, home-made costumes, and not for any pay. Just for the joy of acting. The beach was their desert island; Prospero's cell was no more than a knee-high rock they could sit or stand on. The Boatswain and Adrian were played by the same man. Yet they performed anyway, right there on the beach, bare feet in the sand, their backs to the sea. The people watched, but they weren't needed. There was something very free about it all. We leant on the railings above the beach and watched.

"You really love Shakespeare, huh?" Tamaki asked me quietly while Caliban, Stephano and Trinculo were chased around the sand by local children on their hands and knees, posing as dogs. "You seem so happy just watching."

"Literature peaked in the Elizabethan period." I answered, and he laughed. In the meantime, the action had escaped from it's allotted space and into an amused audience, who screamed and scattered away. To my surprise, Caliban launched himself suddenly into the air, clinging onto the railing right next to me. I stepped back out of his way.

"Afternoon, miss." He said, with a wink, and then gave a farcical scream as the 'dogs' forgot they were limited to all fours and with much barking dragged him down onto the beach. I was fairly sure this scene was not as long in the original production, but it was fun to watch, in it's own way. Various members of the audience got bored and moved on, others arrived to watch. Tamaki and I stood the whole time. He left me at one point, and returned with hot drinks, but that was all. When the play was over, we still remained, and joined in the polite applause. It was getting later by this time, so we went to a restaurant for a meal. As we waited for our food to arrive, I found myself thinking of Caliban, who looked to be about my age, but had spent his Saturday on the beach playing at being a monster and had clung onto the salt-stained metal. He, it seemed, was free.

"Kotoko?" Tamaki asked, sounding a little anxious. "What's the matter? Is your ring too tight, darling?"

"No." I assured him, ceasing to twist the ring; something I hadn't even realised I had been doing. "It's fine."

"You seem lost in thought." He commented. "What are you thinking?"

"I was just thinking about the play." I answered.

"Oh, yes?" Tamaki smiled. "It was nice seeing it in the open air like that, wasn't it? If you want, we'll have to go and see it done properly when the season starts!"

"Done properly...?" I answered vaguely, looking out of the window. "Do you think so...?"

It seemed to me it had been done properly out there. Out there on the beach, barefoot in the sand with their backs to the sea.

"Perhaps you should try acting one day." Tamaki suggested. "I'm sure you'd be good at it!"

"I can't play my own emotion, let alone anyone elses." I answered. "Besides, would you really want your wife walking the boards?"

"No." He admitted, raising my hand so he could graze his lips over my fingers. "I want you all to myself."

"You married me, didn't you?"

"Yes." He smiled. "I did. And I'm happy."

"So am I." I answered.

"And we will remain happy." He said. "I promise. I will never love anyone else."

Our food arrived. We ate it before it became cold.

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

A/N: Meh, I hope that note at the top didn't give too much away, but I felt duty bound to put it in. Just in case. XD Like they could sleep together right away anyway. Tamaki's definitely not one to force himself on a girl and I don't think Kotoko is the sort to really want to do that kind of thing. So, we have an 'almost', for now. XD Disclaimers stand as usual.

On a note of random trivia, when I was writing this, I was revising for an A-level English exam on (can you guess?) The Tempest and Waiting for Godot. Hahaha, I'm such a cheat. (But I did get an A :D)

Next chapter, Kotoko and Tamaki return home and to school. Between pressure from her parents and jokes from people from school, I wonder how she'll bear up…? Well, actually, I already know. XD It was rhetorical! Still, please join me then.