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Ron waited until everyone was out of the room before getting ready. He tried his best to make his face not seem so pale or his eyes not so red but it was useless. He wanted to skip breakfast but his chicken leg and sandwich would not hold him over until lunch. He looked himself over in the mirror. His already small frame appeared even thinner. Ron knew he looked a bit sickly. He had to start eating regularly. With a heavy sigh, Ron adjusted his too short robes and made his way downstairs.
Once again he avoided the Ravenclaw table. When he got to the Gryffindor table, everyone looked up at him. Dean and Neville seemed to have been talking about him because they were the first ones to look away from him.
Hermione moved her bag. "Here, sit down." Ron sat down next to her and made his plate.
"So, I think I will have tryouts on the following Saturday. I hope that's enough time for everyone," Harry said.
Ron smiled a bit. Harry took his job as captain very seriously. "Well, I doubt you'll have to replace anyone. It will still be Ginny, me, Dean and Seamus. Unless you want to get rid of us that is." Harry gazed at him in disbelief. "What?" Ron asked.
Harry blushed a bit and gave Ginny a quick glance. "Oh nothing it's just…you're going to be there?"
Ron blinked several times. "Well, of course I'm going to be there. Why wouldn't I?" Harry opened his mouth but quickly closed it. It finally dawned on him. "Oh, I guess people also think I'm too fragile to play quidditch."
Ginny gave him a look. "It's not like that Ron. We just thought you would have other thing to-"
"What? Occupy my time? I sure as bloody hell can't think of anything. Look, my brain isn't fried and my limbs work. I love quidditch just as much as any of you," Ron spat. He was surprising himself. He hadn't talked this much in a while.
Harry shrugged, "Well, of course I want you to play. You're a great keeper. I just thought that you would need some time."
Ron snorted. "Why? You didn't ask for time after Sirius. You weren't told you were too weak to continue after losing both your parents. How is my situation any different?" Harry frowned a bit and looked away.
"Ron, that's not fair," Hermione breathed.
Ron gazed at her and shook his head. "No, this isn't fair. If you think keeping me from quidditch is supposed to heal me then forget it. Taking this away from me only makes it worse." He didn't give anyone time to respond. He got up from the table and once again left hungry.
His day didn't get any better. He had to sit by Harry during History of Magic. Ron wanted to apologize. He wanted to tell him how he didn't mean to hurt him once again but he couldn't. Ron didn't understand why it was so hard for him to express himself to Harry.
In Potions, people kept looking at him. He had the class with Ravenclaws. It seemed like everyone had come up to him and said sorry or how beautiful of a person Luna was. Even people he never talked to smiled and offered sympathy. All Ron could do was nod and say thank you. By lunch, he was done with school all together.
He sat at the lunch table and furiously ate. No one talked to him probably in fear that he would explode again. Someone tapped his shoulder. To his horror he saw Melony Gibs. Looking at her made him hurt more. She reminded him so much of Luna. She was a 6th year like Luna would have been. She was small like her too. Her hair was short and black and her skin was pale. She wasn't as mystical as Luna but her presence gave Ron the same feeling of easiness. He hated her around him but didn't want her to leave.
"Hey, Ron," Melony said.
Ron's throat felt dry. He used to easily be able to talk to her. When he didn't have Ginny, he asked Melony for advice about Luna or about what kind of gift she would want. "Hi," he croaked.
Melony didn't smile. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "I haven't had a chance to talk to you and I wanted to see how you're doing?"
"I'm fine," Ron said automatically.
Melony's frown grew. "Really? Well...I'm not. I was hoping we could talk."
"I have nothing to say," Ron breathed.
Melony looked close to tears. "I've seen you around these past few days. I know you have a lot to say."
Ron didn't know what to do. Her bold honestly was just like Luna's. Everything about Melony reminded him of Luna and he began to panic. "Please, go away." He didn't realize he had said it out loud. Melony bit her lip and nodded. She turned from him and walked away without another word.
"You are the words biggest git!" Ginny groaned. Ron didn't look at her. "Ron, look at me," she warned.
Ron turned to her. Ginny's eyes were wet and livid. "How could you have been so mean? She was trying to reach out to you! You two were friends a couple of months ago!"
"Ginny, don't yell," Hermione breathed.
Ginny ignored her. "No, I'm tired of this. All summer you've done nothing but shove off and stay quiet. You can't keep treating people like this!" she said a bit hysterical.
"What do you want me to do?" Ron asked quietly.
"Talk to someone," Harry offered.
"And say what? What is there to say?" Ron asked. No one had an answer. "You see, I told you."
Ginny peered at him in disgust. "I hate you." The words were dry. They were soft but fierce. They cut through Ron's chest and hit him right in the heart.
Ginny was staring at him. Her brown eyes were dull and darker than he had ever seen them. "I hate me too," Ron wheezed. He felt tears sting his eyes. He got up and left the hall. He didn't stop walking until he was outside. He walked until his legs gave out. He collapsed on the grass and hit his thighs. He didn't leave his spot all day.
He looked at his watch. He was sure classes were finished for the day. He wanted to go to his room but he didn't want to run into anyone. Ron decided to stay outside until dinner. He heard footsteps behind him. Ron turned around and was relieved to see Hermione. "Can I sit with you?"
"Yeah," Ron answered.
Hermione took a spot next to him. She peered off toward the lake. Ron snuck a glance at her. Her face was flushed with color and her eyes seemed so heavy with thought. He wanted to ask how her day went. He hoped things had been okay for her. He just didn't know how to start.
"Everyone is really worried about you," Hermione said.
"I bet they are," Ron breathed. "I know Harry has probably written to mum about me."
"He cares about you a lot, Ron," she spat. Ron felt awful. He hated her being angry with him. Her pain had always effected him greatly and he didn't know why.
"I know," Ron breathed.
"Ginny cares about you too. She needs a big brother and you're not there. She's scared she's going to lose you," Hermione told.
Ron nodded. "What about you? What do you think?"
Hermione looked at him. Ron liked her eyes. They were deep and so chocolate. They didn't remind him of anything and he loved it. "I'm worried too. I want to talk and help you but I know you don't. I…miss you. I miss how we all used to be."
Ron picked up a stick and broke it into pieces. "Me too. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so…disconnected. It's like I don't even belong here. It's like I don't know anything or anyone."
"You know me," Hermione tried.
Ron sighed, "I know I do." She was staring at him. He found it very hard to put up his wall. It was like she had a power over him that he couldn't control. He turned away from her. "Can we not talk anymore? Can we just sit here?"
"Of course we can, but only for awhile. You are coming to dinner. You're not eating at all and it's really starting to show," Hermione said honestly.
Ron nodded and lay back against the tree. He stared off into the sky. He felt Hermione touch his hand. Ron laced his into hers and they gently rubbed each others fingers.
Later, at dinner, Ron tried to eat. He was incredibly hungry but it was difficult. Harry and Ginny both looked out of sorts. He wanted to say something. He had too. He felt Hermione touch his knee. It was only for a second but it was all he needed. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry for how I've been."
Harry looked up first. "I'm not mad at you Ron. I just," Harry looked around, "can we all take this to my room?"
Ron, Harry, Hermione, and Ginny quickly finished eating and headed to Harry's room. Ron was extremely impressed. The room was large. It had a full sized bed and side tables and a desk. Ron leaned against the wall. Harry and Ginny sat on the bed. Hermione sat at the desk.
Harry ran a hand through his jet black hair. "Ron, I'm not mad at you. Believe it or not, I understand a bit of what you're feeling. I don't need you to cry on my shoulder. I just want you to talk to me. We haven't talked all summer."
"I don't have anything to say anymore," Ron said. He caught Ginny rolling her eyes. "I mean it. I have nothing to say. I try to think of something and nothing comes up."
"Ron, you can't keep us out. We've always been there for each other. Now is no different," Hermione added.
"This is rubbish. I'm not going to sit here and baby you. I hate what you are right now. I hate how you're treating everyone. I hate how you're treating me." Ginny's eyes were fogging with tears.
"I'm sorry," Ron whispered. "I love you Ginny. I'm just…I don't know what I am. I'll try okay? I don't know what I'm supposed to do to get better, but I'll try. It's just not me though. You lot need to stop this game."
"What game is that?" Harry asked.
Ron shrugged. "I'm not crippled and I'm not stupid. I know you talk about me behind my back. Stop acting like I'm going to break. Harry, I can play. I want to play quidditch. If you want to help me out let me play."
Harry smiled a bit. "Okay. Ron, of course you can play."
"Thank you. I promise that I'll do better at talking. Just don't expect too much," Ron breathed.
"Only when you're ready Ron," Hermione said smiling. Ron tried his best to return it.
Harry glanced at his watch and frowned. "Hermione, we have to go."
"Why?" Ginny asked.
"Patrolling," Hermione said. Ron looked at her. For the past two years, she had always taken her job as Prefect with pride. He couldn't help but notice her slight annoyance at being Head Girl.
While Hermione and Harry left for patrolling, Ron and Ginny walked to their rooms. Ginny stopped him on the staircase. "I don't hate you."
"I know you don't," Ron said.
"You shouldn't hate yourself," she pressed.
"I do," Ron whispered honestly.
Ginny bit his lip and shook her head. "I was just really mad. I hate how you're acting. People need you even if you don't need anyone." She reached up and hugged him. Ron hugged her back. She stung his body. Ginny was small like Luna and her long hair brushed against his knuckles just like Luna's did when they hugged. Ron pulled away. He couldn't take it anymore. "Goodnight," she breathed.
"Night," Ron said. She turned from him and walked up to her room. Ron barely made it to his. He didn't bother changing. He took off his robe and tried to fall asleep.
He turned and looked at him clock. It was after one in the morning. Every time he closed his eyes a nightmare came to him. Ron was scared to be alone. The noises and memories were becoming too loud and realistic in his mind. He dragged himself out of bed and quietly left the room.
He wasn't sure where his feet were taking him. Ron didn't realize where he had gone. He barely had a connection to his hand when he knocked quietly on the door. It only took a second before it opened.
"Ron? What are you doing here?" Hermione asked.
Ron didn't know what to say. He didn't know why he was there. All he knew was that Hermione just made his memories fade. She didn't make him remember and he hurt less when it was just the two of them. Ever since he could remember, Hermione had always been able to make him feel better. He didn't say any of this, of course. Ron simply shrugged. "I couldn't sleep." Hermione leaned against the door and stared at him. "I know it's too late. I'll just-"
"No, it's fine. You can come in," Hermione said opening the door wider. Ron nodded and walked in. He lit his wand so Hermione could put the lights back on. He finally got to look at her.
She had on a t-shirt and very short blue shorts. Her bare legs were lean and looked awfully smooth. Hermione's hair was messy in a way he had never seen before and he was pretty sure she wasn't wearing a bra under her snug white shirt. Ron mentally shook himself and sat on the floor against her bed. There was no way he could sit next to her on the bed with her body exposed the way it was.
Hermione didn't seem to care. She sat next to him on the floor. "I'm sorry I woke you," Ron said while avoiding her eyes. He couldn't lie to himself. Hermione looked incredibly sexy so untidy and uncovered.
"It's okay. What's wrong?" Hermione asked.
Ron had to look at her. Her face was pale but her eyes were as warm and bright as ever. "I had…nightmares," Ron said truthfully.
Hermione bit her lip slowly and Ron looked away again. He liked her doing that and he hated himself for liking it. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Ron shook his head. "It's been a long fucking day and I'm tired. I'm so tired but I'm too afraid to go to sleep."
"We can just sit here," Hermione offered.
"Please," Ron mumbled.
Hermione lit her wand and got up. Ron cursed his eyes for watching her bend. She extinguished the lights. "What are you doing?" Ron asked alarmed.
Hermione chuckled a bit. "Don't panic. There's no reason for us to sit here with all the lights on. Besides, it's better in the dark. It helps clear the mind."
Ron lit his own wand and sat it next to him. Hermione was right. He did feel a bit better in the darkness. He pulled his wall down and let his pain run through him. He felt exhausted tears leave his eyes. He didn't stop them from running down nor did he wipe them away. He felt Hermione's hand once more and he laced his fingers into hers.
He felt the pain but he also felt better.
Yes, we are inching and inching to...something, lol. Review please and find out what happened next!!
CRAZED