Chapter 17

Tired, mahogany eyes framed with thick, black lashes looked about passively at her all too familiar surroundings. They were knowing eyes; eyes that had seen too much, and knew too much. As they took in the view, the eyes narrowed slightly as cheeks pushed up with a smile. Tifa smiled softly as she looked around at the recreation of her memories, not allowing the deception to cheapen the nostalgia of seeing her hometown once again.

The people she knew and loved were gone, along with the secret, inconspicuous clues that revealed that at one time real people of real memories actually lived here. The house that replicated the one she had grown up with, down to her floral bedspread, was too perfect. It didn't have the pencil markings on her doorway that marked her growth, or the broken floorboard near the piano, or the carvings of names, initials, and hearts in the wood of the water tower. These were the things that Shinra missed when they covered up Sephiroth's betrayal, and somehow, that made the town infinitely sadder.

Structurally-wise, the village was just as she had remembered it. After Shinra was more-or-less shut down, they couldn't keep up with the repairs to keep it looking pristine, so there was some wear and tear on the buildings and the flower beds needed weeding. Many of the Shinra employees that had been assigned to Nibelheim to play their parts as life-long citizens had actually fallen in love with that concept and so had stayed, despite not receiving a salary anymore.

The young woman with the long, black hair didn't bother reserving a room in the inn; unsure if she was actually going to stay the night, despite how late it was getting already. Instead, she merely walked about, doing her best to reign in the emotions that simmered beneath her control.

A few townspeople recognized her from several years ago and they raised their hands in greeting, but the smiles on their faces did little to hide their equally knowing eyes. They seemed to appreciate that she was genuine and not some conjured up ghost to imitate the lives that had been lost and almost forgotten, and because of that, they respected her and gave her the privacy she was immensely grateful for.

Relief filled her as she noticed that the children didn't have those same hallow smiles and sympathetic, wary eyes. They ran carelessly around the water tower with sticks, having some sort of epic battle, while the "damsel in distress" cheered on the hero above them, hanging off of the tower. It certainly made her laugh inwardly that the so-called "damsel" was actually a shaggy-haired, blonde boy, perhaps a little younger than the dueling girl and boy below. Tifa sighed and was glad that at least this blonde boy was being included in their fun.

Tifa continued to retrace the area, doing some light training on a bluff before stopping inside of the Shinra mansion to relive old memories. She studied the test tubes that had contained Cloud and Zack, and read a few of the reports that had driven Sephiroth mad. Oddly enough, there were no monsters inside of the mansion, which relieved her. She did find Regen material though, that left her happy.

Not for the first time, she wondered as she was leaving the mansion, what it would have been like to be them at that moment in their lives. Would she have lost her mind as well? Could she have survived all those horrible experiments? Would she have had the strength to protect Cloud for so long? And then she began to think of Marlene and Denzel and how they were doing. As she bit her lip, she hoped that everyone wouldn't be too mad for suddenly disappearing without telling anyone, at least, not one of them.

By the time she made it back to town, the sun had already dropped below the surrounding mountains, and the golden sky was giving way to the darker shades of twilight. No one bothered her as she climbed the water tower; in fact, hardly anyone was out at all. With the surrounding rock formations encasing the town, it was hard to see the whole sky, so she contented herself with lying back and watching the sky slip into night.

Tifa took a deep breath, inhaling the familiar sweetness of the country air as she leaned back onto her hands and lifted her face to the embracing sky. Despite the farce, the atmosphere of Nibelheim was still the same, and for just a moment, she could pretend that nothing had happened all those years ago.

She felt calm. For the first time, in a very long time, she felt at peace with herself. Every setting sun she had witnessed, from whatever perch she managed in the last two weeks, had only helped to secure her admission. She still loved Cloud and in all honestly, she couldn't and wouldn't ever stop. Trying had only seemed to make it worse and she managed to convince herself that no matter what happened… it was ok. Like the setting sun, no matter what the sky did to hide it, it still rose the next day, as bright as ever.

She was still angry, but it had failed to overpower the deep affection she held for him.

She closed her eyes and began to hum a sweet, lilting tune. When she opened them again, the sky was studded with fiery starlight and she could instantly sense him sitting nearby, not needing to see his dark outline in the gloom. It didn't surprise her. With an inaudible sigh, Tifa sat up and hugged her knees to her chest.

"I suppose it wouldn't be long before someone found me, especially when I came here." Tifa murmured lightly. When they were younger, they were both much smaller and had no problem keeping distance between them. Now that they were older however, she could have reached out and touched him. "How long have you been waiting for me?"

Cloud leaned forward on his knees. "Right after you left." His voice sounded gruff, as if he hadn't used it in a while.

"Hmm, I suppose I am that predictable." Tifa mused and rocked a little bit.

"I just know you well." Cloud sighed and looked down.

Despite the peace she had finally found for herself, she couldn't help but feel slightly apprehensive in his presence. "Why did you come?"

Without missing a beat, he asked, "Why did you?" Surprisingly, his dodge didn't phase her.

She didn't answer right away though. "I think we came for the same thing, just different reasons."

Out of her periphery, she saw his head nod in agreement; his hands clasping and unclasping, but not in an uncomfortable way. By all appearances, from what she could tell in the starlight, Cloud was as at ease in this situation as she was; his shoulders seemed to lack that tension she had nearly come accustomed to seeing. Or perhaps, they were merely at ease with themselves finally, for the tension between them was palpable.

The brunette woman wondered if Cloud had also made peace. Cloud had forgiven himself at that time of Sephiroth's reappearance, but something else had remained in him, and no matter how hard she looked, she couldn't find what it specifically was. Then again, perhaps, Cloud had always been like this, even when they were little. There were those years that she never saw him and despite seeing his memories and thoughts in the Lifestream, she knew that there were still many events of his past that she would probably never, ever see.

Off in the distance, she could make out Mt. Nibel's foreboding, black silhouette and involuntarily shivered. It also didn't help that the night had gotten much cooler and she was very near a wooden reservoir of water. As she hugged her knees to her chest tighter, she wondered if Cloud's memories of that night when he promised to be her protector were ever completely recovered.

"Cloud… when we were young, why did you follow me up to the mountain? Why didn't you say anything to defend yourself when my father only accused you?"

She asked him on a whim, because she really didn't think that he'd answer, and realized that she really did it more for herself. These questions danced in her head for years, and more than likely helped influence her falling in love with him. When she thought of him, she asked herself these questions, and that naïve, romantic girl in her used to think that because he followed her to ensure her safety, it meant that he cared for her - and perhaps he had at one point. But why he never defended himself, she really couldn't say. There had been so much in her head and her heart that she had reached her breaking point and now, there could only be the relieving pleasure of letting it all go.

Cloud said nothing, but he drew in a large breath, before letting it go with an imperceptible shake of his head.

"When I finally remembered what happened," Tifa continued, almost nonchalantly, masking the deluge that was pouring out of her, "I couldn't stop thinking of you."

"I would see you right next door but… you felt so far away. When you told me, right here… that you were going to leave and join SOLDIER… I wasn't surprised. And when you left, I kept thinking that you should've taken me with you… I worried about you… and that's when I began training. I thought, 'Cloud is going to be so strong and he won't care about weak little girls,' and 'Cloud will need someone to take care of him.' So… I practiced, day and night. I barely lived through Zangan's teachings," she chuckled, "but I felt that each day would bring me closer to you."

The more words that freed themselves from her, the more she wanted to continue her emotional liberation. She was finding honesty now with her heart, and was so very tired of fooling herself. She just wanted to let him know. It didn't matter what he might think or do anymore; she reasoned that she really had nothing to lose… Besides their friendship.

That thought did scare her… but she just couldn't take the waiting anymore… one of them had to act.

She remembered that night with Vincent and recalled how the fear stole into her heart. That icy, helplessness was not something she was accustomed to, because she always believed in Cloud. She believed that he would be there to protect her, no matter what. It was a foolish thing, but it comforted her. "Cloud, in a moment… that I had lost all hope and trust and ability to save myself... in a moment in which I wanted to do anything I could to forget you… to hate you… in that moment of absolute fear… all I could think of was you."

"No matter what I do, no matter what I say… I can't forget you, Cloud. I can't stop… loving you. And I hate that. I hate that I can't. I feel so damn helpless, weak… stupid. I feel like I've done everything to get over you. I tried to ignore my feelings…simply be friends… buried myself with work… ran away even… and… Vincent…" Her voice wavered and she gulped, while not missing her companion wince at the other man's name.

"I thought that convincing myself to be content as just friends would be enough, but when I heard… her, it was just too much. That girl that you… brought home, she told me that you called her by my name while you touched her. … And in that moment…. I hated you… and it killed me."

Cloud's hands stopped, his frame froze.

"I was so angry with you - so utterly angry. And I'm still so… so… furious at you," Tifa's fists clenched and shook with strain.

"For not noticing… for not being there… for being such a coward! And for… not coming, when I really needed you." She paused for several moments, as she hung her head in the circle of her arms and knees. "Even though… I knew that you wouldn't. I think, I'm most angry because… you weren't who I wanted you to be… and so, I guess, I'm not really mad at you at all. Not you…"

They were both silent for a long time after Tifa's voice finally faded, leaving her words to resonantly echo, heavily between them. "I know that I shouldn't have told you any of this. It's not your burden."

She raised her head to rest her chin on her slender, but powerful arms, "But it had to be said. I'm tired of hiding it and being afraid of telling you. The more I thought about, the more I realized it hurt to keep it in…"

If the wind had just been a little stronger, she might not have heard him. "Perhaps," He cut in very softly, yet it made her start in surprise, "It was just too much for your heart to take… there just want enough space left." She looked at him questioningly, before looking back up towards the night sky. He certainly sees a lot more than he lets on…

She looked at him and pondered his words, studying his face in the dim light. Blonde spikes appeared silver in the moonlight and his eyes cast a faint, almost eerie glow. He still wasn't looking at her, just at his hands; clasping and unclasping. Tifa looked back up towards the stars.

There would be no promises tonight.

"Perhaps."

When they pulled up to the Seventh Heaven, the bar's lights were burning brightly but not because it was open to customers. It was much too late for that, but for some odd reason, it was the children that rushed out the door to meet them. Tifa made a mental note to have a talk with Barrett about letting them stay up at this ungodly hour.

Denzel and Marlene had rushed out onto the street and looked up at Tifa and Cloud expectantly, their innocent but burdened eyes wide with worry and relief. As soon as the bike stopped, Tifa dismounted and removed her riding goggles and looked at the children with a small smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. It was enough for them however, as they rushed her, hugging whichever part of her they could reach until she bent and enveloped them both into a strong hug.

"I'm home." She whispered, closing her eyes in relief.

AN: All right... one more to go! I'm still being eaten alive by projects, but I'll do my best to get that last chapter up soon. I'm sure after this chapter you'll all be going 'Get on with it already!' Hahah, but... well... just needed one final delving down into Tifa's thoughts before we finally learn what the hell has been up with Cloud. :) See you soon... I hope.