During the drive home Maura was uncharacteristically quiet. Early in their friendship Jane had realised that Maura was a lot more open and brazen about most things, including sex, than Jane was. Jane expected Maura to make a comment or pop whatever question had been forming in her mind at any moment. But when none came, she realised something seemed different. Maura was definitely not her normal Google-mouth.
Just after 10:15pm they pulled up outside Maura's flat. Jane was very relieved to be anywhere other than outside Natasha Johnson's house. After the night they just had, Maura's invitation to go in for a drink was a very welcome one.
Jane made her way to the lounge where she collapsed on the couch. It had been a long day. Maura joined her a few minutes later carrying a large bottle of whiskey and two glasses.
"This is new," Jane said, smiling at Maura.
"Well, I fancy a change," Maura said as she sat down next to Jane.
Jane waited. Something was up with Maura, she could feel it... Then it came.
"Can I ask you something?" Maura said, pouring them each a large glass.
Jane raised her eyebrows at the large drink Maura handed her. "Yeah sure, unless it's illegal for me to disclose." Jane had still not forgiven Maura for holding out on her during the investigation into her brother.
"This is not so much illegal, as quite personal." Maura took a large swig of the amber liquid.
"Okay, now you got me nervous." Jane took a sip too. She was not sure what Maura was up to and why on earth she would need Dutch courage to do it.
"Jane, I have known you for quite some time now, so I hope you will feel the liberty to be open and frank with me."
"Jesus, Maura, this is sounding heavy." Jane tried to make light of the build up.
Maura swallowed hard. "Have you ever thought about girls?"
"What you mean?" Jane asked, struggling to comprehend the seemingly simple question. Then Maura's meaning dawned on her. "Ah. You mean have I ever done it with a woman?" Jane tried to make her voice sound light and jocular.
"I presume, somebody as..." Maura searched for the word, "actively, clearly heterosexual as you probably never contemplated the prospect."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you are very clear to everyone that you are firmly heterosexual. I assumed that was an effort to correct people who might assume you were gay because you are a cop..."
"Maura, enough!" As she studied Maura she saw the sincerity in her eyes and she realised Maura was not joking. "Okay, okay," she said holding up her hands. "Yes!"
"Yes what?" Maura asked innocently.
"Yes, I have thought about women." Jane said impatiently. She did not like the turn this conversation was taking.
"And in these thoughts are you performing cunnilingus on them or are they on you?" Maura asked plainly.
"Christ! Maura!" Jane slapped Maura's leg.
"Okay, I guess that is a bit too personal. You don't have to answer that!"
"Yes, you are right that is too personal," Jane said.
They both took large gulps of their whiskeys.
"Quid pro quo," Jane finally said, studying Maura.
"10th grade," Maura blurted.
Jane was confused for a moment once more. "You thought about girls in 10th grade?" She was shocked.
"One of my classmates and I, you know…"
"Really?" Jane could not picture Maura kissing a girl, let alone do anything more, except perhaps as some sort of scientific experiment.
"In the absence of a co-ed education, one had to find one's own means to explore sexuality."
"Oh my God Maura! Were you born wearing a lab coat?"
"Children do all sorts of things in their adolescence to experiment and try to find out who they are in the world. But that's not what I'm asking," Maura continued hurriedly, not wanting to be sidetracked from her original question. "So, have you?"
Jane was not sure how to answer. And if she did, what would the consequences of the answer be? Jane could not lie to Maura. "Yes."
"Yes, what?" Maura was getting impatient.
"Yes, I do think about women."
For a change Maura said nothing.
"I find the thought of a woman... incredible." Jane was not sure whether that was sharing too much. She decided to turn the tables. "You? I mean since school."
"Yes."
"Yes, what?"
"Yes, I do."
Jane could feel her heart beating in her chest. "Like who?" she asked, her voice hardly a whisper. "Anyone I know? Or do you do the television crush thing?"
Maura took a large swig of her whiskey. Then she turned slightly towards Jane, pinning her with her dark green eyes. There was something, a seriousness, in her expression that Jane had never seen before. Deep beneath the surface there was something smouldering.
"Jane, would you do something for me?" Maura finally asked.