Chapter 15: Realization
My hands swept over my belly protectively-- a baby, mine and Jake's baby. I lost myself in my private moment as blood spilled down my cheeks. Jake pulled me over to him. Fear tore at his expression. He chewed on his bottom lip, "Nessie, I can't, you can't... what if it kills you? I can't loose you." I looked around the room aimlessly. What if it did kill me? My mind found its way back to Alice's vision-- Nothing. I trembled with the thought. Alice's utter stillness caught my attention. She stared down in sorrow.
"I'm afraid that you don't really have a choice," her voice fluttered through the room. "We need to talk, I know you're not ready, but I have a lot to tell you, eventually." She stood up and left the room at human speed, quietly shutting the door behind her.
"What does she mean we don't have a choice?" Jake said throwing an angry glare at the seat the Alice had been in. "Of coarse you have a choice, Nessie, you don't have to go through with this." The guilt fell silently from his lips. "I mean we, we don't have to go through with this."
The life was draining out of me. My skin felt hard as stone and just as inanimate. I forced my thoughts to continue, die? Fear of death was something that honestly had never crossed my mind. The only reason that I ever thought of death for myself was usually at the opposite end of the spectrum. Being immortal, I had previously looked upon death with a sort of envy, as a luxury reserved for the innocence of being mortal. I had an appreciation for the gift that death bestows upon the mortal, a sort of peace and quiet, an ending. It was something that I never thought I would have, there is no happily ever after for immortals. There is no after. Our existence is just that, eternal existence.
A gripping fear consumed me, raging deep in my rapidly beating heart. I crawled closer to Jake, breathing in his scent, trying to lose myself in the comfort of his arms. "Jake, I'm scared," I whispered. He felt so good wrapped around me. Even in the midst of my fear, I was safe and warm.
"I know baby, me too," his voice purred as he pressed my face into his neck. His scent and his strength radiating from the amazing sound of the drum in his chest. My mind flashed red as I sank my teeth in, tearing at his throat. Hot blood poured over my tongue. Lust flowed through me as tantalizing visions of our union seeped from the blood. A satisfaction like nothing that I had never known washed over me. I swooned, barely hearing his groans of pain.
Icy, hard hands sunk into my arms pulling me from the source of my pleasure. I snarled viciously trying to get back to the warmth. The cold stung and was lonely and cruel. I bared my teeth, trying to fight off my attacker. My vision suddenly cleared, "Oh Grandpa, I'm so sorry!" I burst into tears like a child. Jake lay lifelessly on the bed, blood staining the crisp white of his shirt. The grotesque image of my lover, my best friend, covered in blood surged in my brain. What have I done? I rushed to his side, sobbing into my hands and shaking all over. My bloody tears gushed into my hands and spilled onto the mess beneath me. Tiny crimson droplets shimmered on Jacob's partially open lips. He moaned in obvious pain and his tongue ran slowly over his blood soaked lips.
Alice sprang through the door, "Quick Nessie, bite your wrist, he needs your blood." Carlisle moved to object, but Alice shook her head, "I'm sorry Carlisle, but this is something that you don't understand." He nodded and silently watched trying to disguise his horror. I looked up at Alice, she nodded, "It's okay, trust me." I brought my wrist cautiously to my lips and sliced through my flesh. I gasped, very little pain, just more shock. I pressed the open wound to his lips. "Drink my love." He fumbled for a second. He found his grip though and began sucking hungrily. If I had not loved him so much, this may have been painful, but I could do nothing but give to him. His face filled with color again and life regained its presence. Alice gently shoved on his chest and broke our union. Jake fell back against the pillow, wiping the blood from his face. In a daze, he curled up and fell soundly to sleep.
"Alice, we clearly need to have a talk," Carlisle whispered gingerly. "Nessie, how are your feeling?"
"Thirsty," I said, a little embarrassed of what had just transpired.
"Why don't you and Alice go get something to eat. I'll stay here with Jacob. I'm not sure how all of this is going to go over with the others," he said shaking his head. He sighed heavily, taking the seat next to the bed and falling into deep thought.
Alice ushered me out the door, "Come on, we need to talk-- alone." Her dainty eyes flared with flecks of scarlet. We sped out the door and rushed out into the clear night air.
"Alice, what the hell is going on?" I said as soon as I was sure we were out of earshot of the house. I wasn't entirely sure where my parents were.
"Come on Ness, a little further, they are in the cabin." she jetted forward dodging through the trees. I followed her, falling a little behind and having to catch her scent. I found her sitting like an angel, her skin softly reflecting the light of the moon as she stared out into the black waters of the sea.
I took the place next to her and followed her eyes out into the water. She flashed me a devilish smile and in one fluid motion, stripped her clothes and with a splash dove in. Despite the weight of the day, I couldn't help but laugh. I shook off my clothes and the zillions of questions flying through my mind. I followed her lead taking a deep breath as the icy water swallowed my body. Alice shot just ahead of me, a streaming beam of light. We didn't venture out nearly as far as I had before. Alice settled for a pack of seven-foot blue sharks patrolling the edge of the reef. I peered through the darkness as she flashed like a bolt of lightening taking the first shark into her grip. It barely had time to struggle before she left it for the next. The blood turned the water an inky black. My thirst reared its ugly head as I descended upon the shark nearest to me. His muscular body jerked and thrashed as I tore through its rough skin. I drained it quickly and took down the one who sensed the danger and attempted to swim away. His speed was no match for mine. I dragged him easily to the surface and fed on him as we bobbed lightly in the waves. His blood sent whirlpools of vivid blues with flashes of emerald green into my mind. A swallowed gulp after gulp, only mildly satisfied. In comparison to Jake's blood, the shark's was thin and bland. I let the carcass sink beneath me into the depths. I lay weightlessly on the waves, gazing into the billions of stars looking down upon me.
Water broke beside me as Alice swam swiftly to the surface. Her crystal eyes illuminated like tiny lighthouse beams searching in the darkness. She floated lazily on her back losing herself in the night sky. I wanted to stay on the waves and lose myself in the sea of darkness around me, never having to face the impending doom that flirted disastrously with my future. My hand fell mindlessly to my belly. I closed my eyes and drifted. Thoughts waltzed slowly haunting me like shapeless ghosts. The vision, the nothingness swept over me, lapping at me like the water around me. Nothing. It was a peaceful feeling of tranquility. Not so bad, I thought accepting the idea of death. Then it happened. The force that rocketed from within me was stunning. A tiny, yet convincing thrust. I gasped and turned fearfully to Alice. She was already staring at my exposed stomach, obviously waiting for this to happen. I rolled my eyes and she smiled, a beautiful and loving smile.
"Amazing, isn't it?" she said quietly. I was too absorbed to speak. The idea that something, someone, was living inside of me engulfed my every immortal fiber. A wave of pleasure and pride powerfully overjoyed me.
"I'm going to have a baby," I said it out loud, as if it were the first time I had really spoken. The magical moment of realization separated me from the rest of the universe for one fleeting second. "Tell me everything," I said enthusiastically, "This is really big, isn't it?"
Her face caught a glimmer of moonlight and her eyes twinkled in delight, "Oh yes, you have no idea." She flipped her body gracefully into a dive and swam swiftly to shore with me in her wake.
The rough stones rubbed smooth by the constant power of the waves felt wonderful beneath my feet. We strolled on the beach to find our clothes. I let the water ripple and glide of my repellent skin before slipping back into my jeans. "Are you ready?" I nodded, extending my hand to meet her grasp, preparing myself for the strike.