I know I said Dean would get his leg in this chapter but there was just something else I had to add before he did! I promise he'll get it in the next chapter and the 'Meg/Cassie' will appear! In this chapter there's tons of angst and I put in another Dean flashback! Except this time Dean's not dreaming it but rather telling it to Sam and Jess! Dean and Sam talk about something that has been bothering them finally! Although Sam still doesn't tell Dean about how the demon blood thing is bothering him! I decided that Sam and Dean had to talk a bit before the day that Dean got his leg! There are some sensitive topics in this chapter and I hope I did okay with them. You get to see a little bit of what life was like for poor Dean after Sam left for college. I hope you like it and tell me what you think! I worked a while on this chapter trying to get it right!

P.S. Most of you already know this but there's a new poll in my profile!

P.P.S. I keep forgetting to mention this! The little picture I have as my icon on my profile is what I picture Dean to look like in this story with his glasses on! Just wanted to let you guys know in case you were wondering! I didn't make it, I just found it! I don't even know if Jensen was actually wearing the glasses or if someone photo shopped them on but I think he looks cute!

Thanks for reading and reviewing! Sorry I couldn't respond to the reviews but I had a virus on my computer and had to delete everything! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Dean was a nervous wreck the next morning, and the rest of the day was the same as well. It wasn't that he didn't want to get the prosthetic leg; he wanted it more than anything right now. He was just scared. He was scared that he wouldn't be able to walk on it as good as he hoped.

He really wanted to help out as much as he could. And he needed another leg to do that. Plus, the leg was costing a fortune. Sam and Jess were paying for part of it with their jobs as well as Jess's parents helping with a huge chunk of the cost. Dean wasn't paying a thing, and it was his leg.

He had to get a job, but he was sure no one would hire him if they knew he had a missing leg. His best bet was to get the leg and then apply for a job, hoping that people would just assume he had a bad leg and not a fake one. If he ever did get a job he was determined to pay everyone back that paid for the leg. He would pay back every last penny.

Dean knew that Sam was keeping a close eye on him all day and was trying to ease his worries. He kept offering to do things with Dean. So far he Sam and Jess had played about 20 different car games, numerous board games that he didn't have a clue to all the names, halo, and guitar hero. Sam ended up buying Dean half these things when he was stuck in the hospital. He remembered Sam and Jess coming back after Sandy's funeral (Dean couldn't come because he had to stay in bed) with a bunch of presents. Jess said that Sam had told her to stop off at Target and he just kept buying things.

Sam had been really over extremely nice to him since the incident with his father. To the point that it was starting to actually creep Dean out a bit. Dean needed to know what was going on. Jess was right; the two of them did need to talk things out.

So after they finished the last song on guitar hero Dean turned to face Sam.

"Sammy, why are you acting so…weird?"

"What do you mean?" Sam was clearly confused but Dean wouldn't buy it.

"I mean ever since the incident with dad you've been….so nice to me. Not that you're not nice to me." Dean corrected himself. "It's just that you're doing so much with me and buying so much stuff. Almost to distract me from something you know? Like your hiding something from me?"

"Dean…I don't know what your talking about." Sam said, obviously lying

"Sammy. Don't try to sneak out of this. Jess has noticed it too. Please tell me what's going on. Remember back when you promised me you'd tell me anything? Don't break that promise Sammy." Dean brought up the one thing that would most likely have Sam spill what's going on.

Sam sighed and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "It's just….well part of it…the biggest part…is what Dad said when he was aiming his gun at us." He said with a shaky voice and watched as Dean paled and swallowed nervously. Yeah, this has probably been what has been bothering Dean too.

Jess went to stand up and leave the brothers to talk this over themselves but Dean told her to stay. Sam looked between the both of them. He didn't know how to ask the question that he had feared since that day…

"Dean. Dad said that he let other people beat you for money…Dean…" Sam's voice hitched a bit and he needed to take a couple more breaths before he could finish. "He didn't…they didn't…rape you did they?" He asked quietly with his head down.

When no answer came Sam slowly brought his head up. He was shaking so bad, oh god if Dean had been raped…"

Sam was met with a very shocked looking Dean. He couldn't read his expression.

Finally after about a minute Dean spoke up. "Sammy…no…god no…I never was. This is what you've been worrying about?" Dean gently told his brother

Sam was so relieved when he heard his brother's words. Not only that but he could hear the truth in his voice. Dean wasn't lying to him. Dean was telling the truth. He let out a deep breath.

"Oh god Dean…you don't know how worried I was…how scared. I mean he said he let other people do stuff to you and I know that in many cases of physical abuse there's sexual abuse too…"

Dean scooted over on the couch until he was right next to his brother and put an arm around his shoulders. "Sammy…hey, don't worry. I don't know why but he never did anything like that to me. Never had the other people either. I guess it was because he saw me as some disgusting demon child. Maybe that's the one good thing about him; he never did any of that stuff."

"When he said that other people hurt you…it's just….your face when he said that…I thought the worst…" Sam said shakily

"I'm sorry Sammy. It wasn't that. It was just the memories that it brought back….I didn't want to remember…it's been haunting me since." Dean sighed

It was then that Jess came over from where she was standing and sat next to Dean. She very gently ran a hand through his hair and it calmed Dean more than she would ever know.

"Dean, sweetie if it's bothering you please let us know. I'm sure that would help you if you shared it with us." She told him

"I…I don't know…" Dean mumbled

"Please Dean. I told you what was wrong with me." Sam begged him. He wanted to ease some of his brother's pain.

Dean couldn't deny Sam's puppy dog eyes and he sighed. "It started after you left for college…"

Flashback

Dean sat in the corner the motel, huddled up. After Sammy had left for college, the beatings by his father had got much worse because now he didn't have to worry about explaining the wounds to Sam. His father was blaming Dean for letting Sam take off to go to college of course. He still was, even though Sam had been gone for a few months already.

Dean watched as his father paced back and forth across the room. He knew he was thinking of something else to beat him with. Dean curled up even more into himself as his father approached him.

"Get up you piece of shit." He growled at Dean and Dean struggled to get up. His chest was severely bruised and his wrist was sprained, making it even more difficult than usual.

"Hurry up!" John growled and when Dean fell down he grabbed him by the collar and threw his skinny frame across the room. Dean hit the wall hard. "That'll teach you, you worthless sonuvabitch. Now UP!"

Dean struggled yet again but his father lost his patience and dragged Dean to his feet by his hair. Dean let out a yelp of pain. Once Dean was standing his father punched him across the face, nearly knocking Dean down again.

"Get out and into the car you waste of space, I have something new in store for you." He chuckled and Dean scurried out to the car as fast as his bad leg would take him. He got into the back seat and didn't buckle his seat belt. His father wouldn't let him because if the car crashed, he'd get hurt worse if he didn't put the seat belt on.

John got into the car and took off. He smiled in the rearview mirror from seeing Dean shake so badly.

"You know, this is great. I'll make money and I'll get to watch you get beat up. It's perfect really." He laughed

Dean shuddered even more. He didn't want to know where this bastard was taking him.

Eventually they stopped at a bar. John got out and opened Dean's door. He then threw Dean out of the car, causing him to land flat on his face on the cement.

"Good for nothing." John angrily muttered as Dean slowly got back up, blood dripping from his scratched up face.

Dean followed him into the bar where John tagged down a couple angry looking men. Dean then followed them outside into a deserted alley.

"These guys wanted to get their anger out but didn't want to beat their wives. I told them not to worry. They can beat someone else and not get into any trouble at all. And I get paid for it." He laughed to Dean.

Before Dean could register what was happening he was pinned to the wall by one of the men. The guy smiled wickedly with him with yellowing teeth and slammed him in the face.

It wasn't soon after that the other guy joined in too. Dean fell to the floor and was trampled by them. Punch after punch to the face and kick after kick to the gut. Dean wondered how in the world he could live through so much pain. How much abuse could someone take before they just shut down and died?

The pain was so bad that Dean ended up passing out. He never passed out anymore because he was so used to the pain. This must have been really bad.

He woke up on the motel floor and could only barley see out of one eye. As far as he could tell John was no where to be seen. He crawled slowly to the bathroom, his body screaming in pain every time he moved. Somehow he managed to prop himself against the sink and look into the mirror.

His face looked horrible. One eye was swollen shut all the way and the other could barley open at all. His nose looked broken and his lip was busted in several places. He could barley recognize himself anymore these days.

Dean whimpered as he reached his arm up and opened the mirror. He smiled when he found a razor sitting inside. He grabbed it and used the wall to slowly slide his battered body down to the floor.

He held the razor up to his arm and for a moment just stared at it.

He knew he was suicidal. He had been for quite some time now. But he couldn't kill himself yet. Not with Sammy still out there. He couldn't do it until he knew Sammy was safe from his father forever. And that might not be until his father dies. He can't kill himself until his father's dead.

But that doesn't mean he still can't cut himself. He's been doing it almost everyday since Sammy left.

Dean brought the razor up to his already horribly scarred arm and cut into his skin, dragging it along his arm. The scars were not only of him cutting himself but also of the numerous beatings he's got. Cutting himself brought some kind of release to him knowing that he was creating the pain and not anyone else. Not his father, not random guys, only himself. He deserved this little extra pain for the loser that he is, for not being a better brother.

When he cut himself, he thought of the day when his father would be dead. When he could cut just a little too far and he would be free from pain forever….

End of Flashback

Sam stared at Dean in shock after Dean told his story. He couldn't believe what those bastards had done to his brother just because they were angry. And Dean had cut himself! Sam knew that Dean had been thinking of suicide from when he told Sam months ago. However, he never expected Dean to cut himself, to want to bring pain to himself like that.

"Dean…you aren't still…" Sam choked up and grabbed Dean's arms and lifted up his sleeves. There he found tons of scars criss-crossing around on Dean's arms that he knew had been there before but he hadn't known what had caused them. The good thing was that none of them were fresh.

"Cutting? No I'm not doing that anymore Sammy. I told you months back that I wasn't thinking of suicide anymore. But I got to admit that I still was for about the first month I came to stay with you, before I knew you really cared."

Sam swallowed a lump in his throat and Jess was softly running a hand up and down Dean's back in comfort.

"Dean. It's okay. You're safe now. Tomorrow's going to be fine too." Jess told him sweetly

"I know Jess." Dean smiled "I know. You guys have brought me a long way you know that? Thank you."

But Sam was still beating himself up about this.

"Dean, I never should have ignored you so much when we were younger. I should have treated you better in school, you gave everything for me. I never should have come to Stanford in the first place…" He muttered

"Sammy." Dean moaned "I can't say I'm not okay about the way you treated me back then. I'm not. It was wrong and you never should have acted that way. It makes me upset sometimes. But Sammy, what Dad did to me, what those people did to me, what I did to myself isn't your fault. It would have happened even if you didn't treat me like that. But you did still care about me back then Sammy. You were just an embarrassed teenager, but you were still there for me when we weren't around your friends and people you know."

"That doesn't make up for it." Sam mumbled

"I know. It doesn't. But I know that if I really was in trouble back then that you would've came and helped me because you cared about me. You actually did a couple times. I just want to let you know that I forgive you Sammy okay? You're not like that anymore now. You're not embarrassed by me." Dean told him and turned Sam's head so he was facing him.

"Okay." Sam knew that Dean had been angry about how Sam had treated him, anyone would be. But Dean forgave him, Dean knew he had changed and wouldn't ignore him anymore. That was all he wanted.

"And I'm so glad you went to Stanford Sammy. I wish I would've come with you in the first place, but that was a great decision. You met Jess; got a great education and you gave me a place to live. I wouldn't be where I am now if you wouldn't have come to Stanford." Dean smiled

"You know I love you Dean, right?" Sam had to add in

Dean rolled his eyes and feigned disgust. "I know that dork. Now enough with the chick flick crap! It's time for me to beat you again!" Dean laughed as he picked up his guitar.