Sunday Night

Carrick POV

The elevator ride to the garage is by far one of the longest we've ever taken. Grace and I are as far apart as possible in the little confines of this cart and for me, it's still not enough space.

Monday, August 16

Anastasia POV

12:38 AM

I open my eyes to complete darkness. I couldn't have slept that long and I honestly still feel really tired to I close my eyes and try to go back to sleep.

1:30 AM

I tried, I really did but I still can't sleep. I decide against tossing and turning and the possibility of waking Christian up and slowly get out of bed. I follow the recess lights and stroll through the hallway until I reach the floor to ceiling windows. It's still pitch black almost everywhere but you can still see the lights twinkling in the city below. It's a wonderful view and very calming. Calmness is something I really need right now. I want to say that I am really happy about being out of the hospital but the real fact is I'm sick, and I always will be, and I'm scared.

Before all this I was indifferent to hospitals but now I can definitely say that I hate them. I think I will always worry if one day I walk in for treatment or a checkup and they'll say it's back and I have to be admitted again.

"What are you thinking about so hard?" Christian asks in a raspy sleepy voice.

"What are you doing up?" I ask avoiding the question. He doesn't need to worry about me worrying; I know he already worries enough.

"The bed got cold. But not as cold as it is out here." He says wrapping a nice warm blanket around me and sitting on the floor beside me. "So what were you thinking about?"

"Today.. I don't want to go back." I say solemnly.

"I know. Trust me, if I never had to see the inside of that hospital again, I wouldn't complain. But the truth is, my mom works there, you need treatment, we might get sick and have to get a check up, have kids-" He shrugs shyly.

"You want to have kids?"

"I've thought about it and I wouldn't mind. But that's beside the point. You don't have to be afraid of the hospital. I promise I won't let them keep you and someone will always be with you."

He's right. I shouldn't be afraid of hospitals. "You're right."

"Lets try to get some sleep."

7:30 AM

Wanda: "It'll basically just be like a few hours in the hospital. You sit in a big chair for a couple of hours with a drip going in to your port. But this time you get to go home."

Ana: "Yay?"

Wanda: "Oh, come on. When the chemo is over, you get to go home to your fancy apartment and gorgeous husband."

Ana: "Actually, he has to go in to work for a bit after. If I feel up to it, I think I'm gonna go in and where he works."

Wanda: "I have to admit I googled it and the outside looks amazing, I want pictures! And eat some crackers in the car and drink water while. It'll help with any nausea you might have. Trust me, you want the least amount of drugs possible."

Ana: "Thanks, I'm already looking for the crackers now."

Wanda: "Did you check the pantry? I know you have one."

Ana: "Yes, I forgot." I snap my fingers and go around the wall to the pantry.

Wanda: "No more days of snacks in the drawers." She laughs.

Ana: "Oh, I will still be putting them in the drawers. I just have to find everything first. I think Gail starts again this afternoon so hopefully she can help out. When I made dinner yesterday, I had to label the drawers and cabinets with index cards."

Wanda: "Good ole chemo brain. It wears off. Do some word searches or something, it'll help you focus."

Ana: "What would I do without you?" I sigh.

Wanda: "..you'll be okay." What is that supposed to mean?

Ana: "What is—"

"Ana?"

"Coming."

Ana: "That's Christian. It's probably time to go. Uh— I'll call you later okay?"

Wanda: "Okay. Have a good round. Love you."

Ana: "I love you too."

"Crackers?"

"Wanda says they might help with any nausea."

Christian nods. "How is she?"

"I don't know."

Christian holds out my jacket so that I can put it on. It may only be the middle of August but I still get cold easily, something we talked about before and why the heat is on in the apartment. Plus with my immune system still low, I can't afford to get sick.

"How are you?"

"I feel better after last night so, thank you. But I'm still a little nervous and really just want to get this over with." I say resting my head on his shoulder once we're in the elevator.

The ride to the hospital doesn't take long and soon enough we are back in Dr. Hamburgs office.

"Goodmorning. Mr. Grey, Ana."

"Hi." I say meekly.

"I know you don't want to be here, Ana. But—"

"I know." I say and shake my head. I have to think positive, as my husband would say. "So how does this work?"

"Well, we will be giving you high doses of cytarabine through your port. We'll change the doses over time until we're sure that all the cancerous cells are gone. The chemo itself is very much like when you were in the hospital. Two weeks of chemo, about four hours a day. Then, 2 weeks of rest- we'll check on you halfway between to make sure everything is how it should be.. I know we started to talk about bone marrow transplants in the past but now we need to get serious about it."

I feel Christian tense up next to me knowing where this conversation is heading.

"There's a 40% chance that you could relapse. You didn't respond well to your first chemo treatment which puts in you in a high risk category if your chemo were to come back. Your best chance is to do a bone marrow transplant."

"What does that involve?" Christian is the first to respond.

"Well, we find a donor. That donor gives us cells from their bone marrow. Bone marrow is what generates your blood cells. Essentially, with your type of cancer, your bone marrow makes the wrong cells and those cells keep dividing and crowd your blood. The normal cells can't do their job. With the transplant, we give you those new cells and they find their way to your bone marrow replacing the ones that are doing it wrong. I would like for you to do this as soon as possible and find a donor. Or, we can wait, until your bone marrow is corrected and harvest some of that."

"Wow." I say a little overwhelmed. "I know we talked about this but.." I say shaking my head.

"I know it's a lot to think about and we aren't there yet. But I want you to think about it, the two of you talk it over and you have my number if you have any questions."

Christian reaches over and gives my hand a squeeze for support.

"Okay. Thanks for explaining it in detail." I smile wryly.

"Are you ready for your chemo?"

"As ready as I'll be."

Author's Note: I've had this chapter planned out for so long but writing it has been difficult. I hope you liked it. there will be more to deal with Carrick and Grace in the next chapter.

On another note: I've had some people ask me about making a Facebook page so.. I did! The page name is Zaviarah and the profile pic is the same as my avatar on here. The page will have sneak peaks, updates on progress of stories, polls, etc. to keep you all updated. As always, feel free to contact me (review, PM, email, message, etc.) if you have any questions or suggestions.

Thanks for reading!

-Ari