Dark waters

What is what you really want?

The light of midafternoon casted long shadows on the dark road and as Regina's feet settled on the hard surface of the pavement she shoved her hands deep on her coat, her hair fluttering for a second around her face before finally settling down as she looked towards the figure clad in greys that stood in front of her, back facing her.

"Strange place to enjoy the views." She called softly while walking to Emma, looking at the large shadow the woman's figure casted over the road, almost as frail as the one of the trees. The surrounding breeze seemed to halt as the blonde looked at her, hands equally shoved down her pockets, lackluster blonde tresses falling to one side of her shoulder as she seemed to sigh for a second before turning her eyes back towards the Storybrooke sign she had been looking before Regina's arrival.

The brunette found herself looking at the younger woman's profile, the way it almost seemed to tremble under her gaze, almost as if she was looking at her under water, under an almost broken glass. Closing her hands into fists she came closer to Emma, the slightly chill air of mid-autumn carrying with it the smell of slowly rotting leaves she had learnt to despise. The smell, however, didn't seem to faze the blonde whose green eyes kept looking at the sign, her cheeks seemed hollow as she blinked ever so slowly, a look of utter defeat glowing dimly, almost as the rest of her.

There, as consumed, as tired, as forgotten, as she looked, Regina found herself wishing to be strong enough to wrap her arms around the blonde, and just listen, listen and share and look. Because looking had become her pastime and the taste of bitter regret was already ascending up her throat. She, however, closed her hands even tighter inside her pockets and took another step, this one carrying with it her own body heat, her own resolution to the point where both the blonde and herself almost touched, almost, but not quite.

"How did you know I was here?" Came finally a question Regina knew that it was coming. Breaking into a surly grin the brunette did not hesitate into answering it, her voice seeming almost dissonant with the atmosphere around the two of them; too strong, too high, too forceful.

"I had a hunch. And I saw Aladdin earlier. He… I don't think she quite likes me, but he told me that you have brought him here."

Emma said nothing for a few seconds, as if digesting it. Her eyes, as veiled as they were, seemed to dilute even more, green transforming almost into bluish grey, before she spoke again, her voice almost broken, almost too jagged to even resonate loud enough for Regina to hear. She looked defeated, lost. And that was precisely what killed Regina, what made her bled.

Because Emma wasn't weak, or strong or jaded. She wasn't perfect either and her hunched shoulders and grey lines around her eyes told a story Regina had been part of every line. She found herself, though, wanting to rewrite a few of those paragraphs, a few of those letters, see if she could transform lines into curves, into endings and answers where there were only existed questions and daunting beginnings.

"I saw the wolf that day for the first time." The blonde's voice said, thoughtful. "It stopped me."

Regina said nothing, her knuckles screaming for release, tension filling her belly, her eyes going back and forth from Emma's profile to the blonde's shoulders -tensed- to the muscles she could see bulging on her forearms, ready to bolt. She said nothing as the dark grey shadows seemed to grow, as Emma's lips parted in silence first, in dry sobs later.

"I want to run."

The words were a punch that left Regina as breathless as Emma as the woman blinked, the white façade, the one that was slightly broken and imperfect and too pale, slipping right in front of her eyes, transforming Emma like a piece of simple plaster.

"I know." The woman said with a forlorn smile. "I know. I won't, I shouldn't. But I want to run, I want…."

"I want to forget."

The idea never left the blonde's lip but Regina felt the truth against her own, like drops of blood, copper and slimy in taste, as she swallowed down what didn't seem only to be a knot on her throat, a fresh wave of tears. Emma did look haunting as she finally turned to look at her while doing so, a figure of lines that didn't quite match with the one Regina still had on her head, a photo too worn out on the edges and possibly between the folds, a grey-colored gash seeping through her eyes, blanching the light, dimming it.

"I told Aladdin that he needed to face his errors." Emma kept saying, a whisper as Regina looked to the bitted down flesh, to the places where the indentures of teeth were still visible, where dried lines of tired tears still painted the blonde's face in white. "And yet…"

Regina extracted her left hand out of her pocket, the light hitting her nails, the small ring she had there, her eyes catching the glimpse before looking back at Emma, the blonde's face hit by the light, golden shade covering for a second the vacant stare, the tired look, the defeated stance. "And yet I don't want to face mine."

She didn't grab the blonde by her forearm, not even if she wanted to. Instead, she kept standing where she was, her magic keeping both of them warm, her hand close enough for Emma to grab even though she didn't, her shoulders close enough to lean into, even though the blonde didn't, her face vacant of any judgement, vacant of any word.

Because Regina understood, understood the need and the ashen taste of the realization that fear was still something as strong as belief inside of them, because there were words that still mumbled inside her head every time she looked at every close mirror, at every corner with the fear of seeing herself looking back at her.

"You will do it." She said, the words being carried away by the wind.

And I will be there.

Because Emma wasn't only greys or shuddery words but compromise.

"You returned, remember." She found herself saying with a small smirk crossing her lips. "Back that night. You could have exited the city and never look back. And you stayed. Even back then."

"And I knew you will." She added softly, voice as strong as ever, as warm as ever.

"I do."