Chapter Five: Quid-Pro-Quo
It's a couple of weeks before Clarke gets back to see Octavia. She waits until Avery goes to work, and makes her way down the hall. She knocks in a rhythm and waits. Bellamy cracks the door to see who it is before he opens it. Once the door is shut behind her, he turns and shouts down the hall, "O" and Octavia comes out of his room. She runs down the hall and practically tackles Clarke in a hug. Clarke and Bellamy laugh and Octavia steps back, embarrassed.
"I uh, I know it's been awhile, I meant to come by sooner, but…" Clarke trails off and shrugs a little. "Anyway, I brought an edible apology" she says with a light laugh, pulling an apple and two oranges out of her bag and setting them on the table.
Octavia's eyes go huge and she looks at the fruit reverently while Bellamy stares disbelieving. Clarke wonders if she did something wrong until Bellamy clears his throat, "We've never had…" he trails off, gesturing at the fruit.
Clarke looks down a little, her turn to be embarrassed. Octavia breathes out a 'thank you' before picking up an orange and starting to peal it. She pulls out the first slice and holds it out for Bellamy. He smiles as he takes it.
They move to the living room and talk, mostly Octavia asking Clarke random questions while Bellamy watches. "So, is that guy your boyfriend?" Octavia asks, gesturing down the hall in the direction of Avery's pod.
Clarke crinkles her nose a little, "I think I just threw up in the back of my mouth a little" she says in a deadpan. Bellamy smirks, watching her out of the corner of his eye. She takes a deep breath, "When we were young, eight, Avery's mom got sick…she got so sick so fast, and she ended up in Medical a lot. My mom was her doctor so I was there a lot too. Since we were the same age, they used to send us off to play together while his mom was treated." She smiles fondly at the memory and clears her throat, "She died quickly…inside of six months. She maxed out on her medicine allotment and she just…" Clarke trails off, remembering how it was quick, until it wasn't… the last few days dragging on in agonizing slowness. She shakes her head a little, pulling herself out of the thought, "After his mom, his dad…" she trails off, not knowing how to describe it, "…wasn't great" she scoffs at her own understatement, "So when Avery was 15, we pulled all the money we had between us and he bought that pod. It was a shit hole" she remembers fondly, "The person who was there last broke…everything…and we could only afford it because of that. We said we'd fix it all, but…it's still kind of a shit hole" she smiles a little, "My dad was floated not long after that, and I sort of moved in" she shrugs, like it's not a big deal, mostly because she wishes it wasn't. It's quiet for a long moment, before Clarke smiles sadly, "If you would have asked me six months ago, I would have said that we were the closest thing to siblings on The Ark" she looks between Bellamy and Octavia, "but, I guess not"
Octavia laughs a little, tears in her eyes. Clarke changes the topic and for a long while they talk about whatever pops into Octavia's mind. Then, they start talking about their families, and Clarke asks how Octavia has managed to stay a secret all these years. "I hide" Octavia tells her and gets up to show her where. But she's not even fully on her feet yet when Bellamy's voice rings out.
"O" it's a warning, clear and loud. She starts to argue with her brother until Clarke speaks.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked" she says, hands held up in front of her. Octavia rolls her eyes at her brother, who does not back down. They talk for a little while longer, before Clarke gets up to leave. She promises Octavia that she'll come back and hugs her before she goes.
The next day, Clarke is in the Factory cafeteria, sitting at a table across from Avery. He's eating a meal, but she's just got a water. She's leaning against the wall, with her legs stretched out on the bench in front of her, laughing at something Avery said and grabbing a corner of his food. She talks so animatedly, it's one of the first things Bellamy notices while watching her, one of the reasons she catches his eye as he walks. He's just gotten off work, so he's still in his Cadet's uniform, it causes people to give him sidelong glances while he waits in the line. He gets his food (with the card she snuck him, he thinks guiltily) and sets down at a table far enough away that she won't notice his presence but close enough to watch her talk to Avery.
He can't hear them, but he watches her talk and move her hands to explain whatever she is saying. While he can't pinpoint why, he's certain that she is telling her friend about Octavia. They longer he watches the surer he becomes, until the thought of it is driving his crazy and he stands, walking over to their table before he's thought about it at all.
He clears his throat and Clarke and Avery both look up at him, "Hey, Bellamy…" she looks happy to see him at first, gesturing at the half empty bench like an invitation until she sees the hard set of his face and trails off. He feels like kind of ass. "Hi, Cadet" she says instead looking up at him with her eyes narrowed in question.
"Can I talk to you?" he asks and she hold his gaze for a moment before nodding. She glances over at Avery and rolls her eyes with a little shrug before standing and following him to an empty section of the cafeteria.
"Is Octavia okay?" she asks in a hurried whisper as soon as he turns to face her.
Yeah…he definitely feels like an ass. "She's fine" he says, rubbing at the back of his neck. "Did you…" he starts quietly then straightens and starts again, "Did you tell him" he asks, fear letting harshness lace his voice as his jaw jerks towards Avery.
Clarke takes a half step back from him, "Of course I didn't" she says, obviously hurt by the accusation. "I said I wouldn't tell anyone" she says shaking her head. It's quiet between them for a moment, "I have done nothing but help you" she says in a low voice, "at some point, you are going to have to start trusting me" she scoffs at the look on his face and shrugs a little, "or don't" she finishes, angry.
She holds his gaze for a long moment before turning to walk away. He grabs her arm, not done with the conversation, his fingers lose but circling just below her elbow. He hears her sharp intake of breath and feels her tense under his fingers and she whirls around so she's facing him again, "Let go of me" her voice is a mix of incredulous anger and annoyance, but her eyes mostly just look scared. He drops his hand to hang awkwardly at his side and opens his mouth to speak – he's not sure what he wants to say, apologize maybe, or ask her if she's sure she hasn't told Avery – but it doesn't matter, she's already walking away.
Avery stands and meets her a couple of feet in front of the table they'd been talking at and Bellamy watches him ask her something before she shrugs and shakes her head before smiling and pointing at the cafeteria doors. She doesn't look back at him, but he watches her leave.
The next time Clarke sees Bellamy is four days later, she's swiping her Alpha cafeteria card and chatting with a girl who is working behind the food line. She catches Bellamy out of the corner of her eye, cutting through the cafeteria to head back to Factory after work, and thanks the girl, stuffing her purchase in her bag and jogging to catch up. "Bellamy" she shouts from about 6 feet away. He doesn't react, so she's not sure if he didn't hear her or is ignoring her. She runs again, so that she can end up in front of him and stops as soon as she is blocking his path.
She realizes that he must not have heard her before, because his face registers confusion before anything else. She's still in her scrubs from work and her hair is thrown haphazardly up. "Bellamy" she breathes out again, ignoring the annoyance now registering on his face, at her blocking his path. "Can I talk to you for a moment?" he glances around, "It won't take long" she promised.
He nods, and she thinks for a moment before she gets an idea and gestures for him to follow her and starts walking, glancing back to make sure he does. They've walked through two stations and she's pulling back a piece of plywood when he finally chuckles, and says her name like a question. She laughs a little, tells him to go with it and leads him down an odd tunnel before the get to a small room with a huge bubble window at the end. Bellamy huffs out a confused breath, reaching out to touch the window.
"This is where Polaris was meant to dock" Clarke explains. It was used as long-term storage after Polaris was blown out of the sky, no one wanting the reminder to be seen on a daily basis, and by the time Clarke was born, most people didn't even realize what it was anymore. "Avery and I came across it one day, just playing, and I loved it. I loved how close it is to the stars, how no one knows about it, how no one would look for anyone here…everything. But it scared the crap out of him" she laughs quietly at the memory of nine-year-old Avery thinking the glass would break when she leaned on it to read. She takes a deep breath, "It occurred to me that you don't really have any place to be alone, and I thought that you could…" she trails off, gesturing around a little, feeling silly and suddenly self-conscious.
Bellamy says her name, but she raises her hand a little, "I have no idea what it must be like to have kept a secret like a sibling for so long. And I have no idea what it must feel like for someone to find that out. I'm sure that it's terrifying to be forced in to trusting Octavia's life with someone you don't know and can't possibly trust" she pauses, chews her lip a little, "There's nothing I can do, other than promise you that I would never tell anyone." She shrugs, "I don't…I don't really have a quid-pro-quo to offer you, I don't have a secret like that. I'm sorry that you're stuck trusting me – but I think that you are"
Bellamy watches her with wide, careful eyes and Clarke nods, "So, that's all I really had to say…" she presses her lips together, watches Bellamy run a hand through his hair and rub the back of his neck.
He knows he should say something, try to reassure her that he trusts her, but he doesn't and he's not sure he can. He's not sure that someone like her could understand the stakes involved with knowing about Octavia, but he also doesn't know how to say that without upsetting her, which he can't do, because she could destroy his whole world with one conversation with her mother. So, an awkward quiet hangs in the room before she nods a little and walks past him to leave and he puts a hand on the window, leaning against it and closing his eyes, wiping his hand down his face.
It's a couple of days before Clarke goes back to see Octavia again. She just not sure what to say to Bellamy, who she hasn't spoken to since that day by the window, but she ultimately decides that she's being stupid and maybe a little childish and goes. She knocks on the door in rhythm and when Bellamy cracks it open, shock and confusion pass over his face. He moves back, allowing her to pass, before opening his mouth to say something. He's cut off by Octavia though, who comes out of his room, excited to see Clarke. "I'm gonna…" he points down the hall and disappears into his room.
Clarke brought her tablet, and it has tons of movies that Octavia has never seen, and popcorn so they set it on the coffee table and settle into the couch to watch while Octavia plays with a popped kernel before eating it. During a quiet part, Octavia leans toward Clarke and tells her that she doesn't know what happened between her and Bellamy, but whatever is was terrified Bellamy and he had been sure Clarke would never come back and he'd apologized to her – for ruining her friendship. Clarke sighs, waits a few minutes and excuses herself.
She walks down the hall and hesitates in front of the closed door. She knocks, the rhythm quiet as not to distract Octavia from the movie. Bellamy is standing in front of her a moment later, looking confused, but he steps back so she can come in. She sits on the foot of the bed and he follows suit, watching her out of the corner of his eye. "I'm sorry" she says finally and he barks out a laugh.
"I think that's my line, Princess" she hits his shoulder, laughs, tells him never to call her that, which pretty much guarantees he will. After a beat, he turns to face her more, "You were right – you haven't done anything but help us. And I should trust that…trust you".
She nods a little, "I don't want you to think that anytime we get into an argument you're in danger of me telling someone on you" she shakes her head, "We could become best friends, or we could never speak again, but no matter what, I'm not going to tell anyone" she says, holding his gaze. She hates not telling Avery, she can't think of a single thing she's kept from him since they were ten. But, this isn't her secret, and she won't tell it.
He nods, "I know", he tells her in a whisper.
"Good" she throws back, before lying back on the bed, her feet still on the ground. He laughs lightly until she tugs on the back of his shirt and he's next to her. They're quiet, lying about a foot apart and looking at his ceiling until she sighs. "Do you know why Avery left Alpha?" she asks, turning her head to look at him. He shakes his head a little, he'd heard rumors – everyone had, but didn't know the truth. She smiles sadly and clears her throat.
Bellamy's thumb touches her elbow, causing her to meet his eyes, "You don't have to tell me"
She breathes out a laugh and nods a little, "Avery and I have known each other our whole lives – we're about the same age and we were both on Alpha, so it was almost impossible not to. I was eight when his mom got sick and we got really close. Nine when his mom died. Twelve the first time his dad hit him hard enough to leave a mark." She closes her eyes and touches her cheekbone, right below her eye. "Backhanded him and his knuckle caught" she rubs the spot again before her hand drops to her stomach. "He begged me not to tell anyone – he'd just lost his mother and couldn't imagine losing his father too."
She's quiet for so long that Bellamy thinks she's said all she plans to. His head is turned to watch her but she's locked her eyes on the ceiling. When she pulls in a deep breath, he's worried that she's going to cry, but instead she starts to speak again. "Thirteen when someone else found out." It's hardly above a whisper and she closes her eyes when she says it, "His dad bent his ring finger back so hard in broke and he left the pod after curfew, ran into Shumway who was patrolling, and Shumway took him home. Shumway and Avery's dad go way back, so he just told Avery not to make up stories and left him there" She sniffles a little and he touches the back of her hand to her arm, just for a moment, just until she looks at him.
He holds her eyes for a long moment. He realizes in that moment, why she looked so frustrated when she saved Octavia from Shumway at the masquerade. He wants to thank her, again, for that moment, but she turns her eyes back to the ceiling and speaks first, "Fourteen when everything changed." She pauses for a long moment, "I was accepted into the medical apprenticeship and wanted to tell Avery first. I was so excited, I ran all the way to his Pod." She smiles a little at the memory, "But no one was there, so I went in and started reading a book – it wasn't uncommon. His dad came home and for a while it was fine." She pauses again and Bellamy swallows, "he grabbed me, pushed me against a wall and had his hand…" she trails off, shakes her head a little, "Avery came home and we left and he never went back to that pod again. My dad let him stay with us and we put every dime we had between us together so he could move out." Pods are insanely expensive to purchase if you're not a married couple – a way the council devised for the population not to outgrow the living quarters.
After a long moment has passed Bellamy speaks, "Did you tell anyone?" just above a whisper.
She shakes her head a little, "I couldn't be the reason Avery's dad was floated". She shrugs, "And for a while it was fine, Avery lived on Factory and kept his engineering apprenticeship on Alpha. But his father couldn't bare the embarrassment of him moving out, so he wanted him to go home and told the Council some story about why he left. Shumway argued that if he didn't appreciate all the advantages that came with being born on Alpha he shouldn't have them. The council made him choose. He quit his apprenticeship and took a machining job in maintenance here on Factory" She clears her throat a little, "My dad was floated a couple weeks later, and I basically moved in." she looks over at him, her cheek pressed against the blanket on his bed, "My mom didn't want me to lose the medical apprenticeship so we made a deal. I make the outside world believe that all is fine and she doesn't take that away" she's quiet before a breathes out a laugh, "That's why people like you still call me the Ark Princess" He laughs a little too.
After it's been quiet for a long moment, Bellamy is the one to speak, "I'm sorry, Clarke" and he is. He's sorry for what she's been through and sorry for believing that her life had been far too easy for her to understand his.
When she looks up at him, he's looking down at her with kind, gentle eyes. They're like that, caught in the stare, until Octavia's voice, telling them that the movie is over, brings them out of it and he goes with her into the living room to watch the next one.
Octavia is sitting in the chair, wrapped in a blanket that his mother told him belonged to her mother, so he and Clarke share the couch. Octavia picks another movie and everyone settles in, about twenty minutes into the movie, Bellamy see Clarke shiver a little and he reaches behind him to the blanket kept on the back of the couch. He drapes it over her, and she smiles at him, moving closer so that he is under it too.
Later, she starts to get sleepy, and she leans back, so her head is against the armrest on the couch. Every few minutes, her legs get heavy and away from her and her toes bump Bellamy's leg. Each time, she mumbles an apology and pulls them back, until the third time when he grabs her legs and pulls them across his lap. She laughs a little and he rolls his eyes in mock exasperation. Octavia watches the exchange with a smile.
Clarke wakes up to the feeling of Bellamy's hand on her ankle. He's running his thumb in slow soft circles around her ankle bone and she sighs a little with her eyes still closed, caught in the groggy state between awake and still-sleeping. He pauses for a moment, and she wonders if he knows she waking up, but then he continues, his fingers circle her ankle, before trailing back down to lightly trace her instep and fold over her foot. She blinks her eyes open, wanting to see him, and smiles at his face, which she sees only in profile, he's still watching the movie, his fingers playing on her skin absentmindedly. After a bit, he glances over to find that she's awake and for a moment his hands leave her skin, and hover just above it, like he's worried that she is going to be angry. But she doesn't move, just smiles at him, and his hands slowly lower to rest on her legs again.
He opens his mouth to say something, but all the sudden an alarm is going off in the room. Octavia wakes at once and her and Bellamy both shoot up. Bellamy is pulling up the floorboards while Octavia turns the alarm off and Clarke is so stunned she can barely move. Bellamy must notice, because he looks over at her, "random inspection" he explains and Clarke nods, standing.
She hugs Octavia quickly, promising to see her soon, and watches her crawl under the floor. The reality of her life hitting Clarke hard. She grabs the blanket that Octavia had just been wrapped in and drapes it over her, before helping Bellamy lower the floor grate and re-position the table and chair over it. "So…that's where she hides" Bellamy says, taking a few steps back to make sure nothing looks out of place.
Clarke is suddenly aware that she now knows every detail she would need if she wanted to expose them, and she understands why Bellamy was so scared of her having all the pieces of the puzzle. She walks over to him, and lets her hand circle his wrist, "You can trust me" she promises.
He nods, "I know" he whispers.
She's not sure what possess her, but she leans up and kisses him. It's fast, over before it really begins, and sloppy, she only gets the corner of his mouth. She shakes her head at herself, embarrassed, until she feels Bellamy's hand cup her cheek, he leans in so close that she's sure they're passing the same breath back and forth. The sound of guards down the hall pulls their attention and Clarke sighs, "I have to go. It'll only bring questions if I'm here" Bellamy presses his mouth in a firm line, concerned, "Avery's place is only four doors away – I can make it" she promises. Bellamy nods once, slides his hand from her cheek to the back of her neck and presses his lips to her forehead, Clarke closes her eyes and leans into the sensation before pulling back and going to the door. She cracks it and see that the guards are down the hall, in another room. "I'll see you soon" she whispers and slips out, moving down the hall and into Avery's pod.
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